A linguist explains three language switches that reshape how you think: say "I don't" instead of "I can't", "could" instead of "should", and "get to" instead of "have to". Each rewires motivation differently, from identity to autonomy to creative options.
You hit snooze for the 3rd time this morning. Willpower gone. You stare at the blank page for hours. Creativity? Nowhere to be found. You've got a to-do list a mile long, but you can't get started. Motivation missing. What if I told you that the words you use are part of the problem and could be the solution? You know, when I went to college, I did something most people don't do. I majored in linguistics, the study of language in all of its glory and variety. And I discovered something incredibly important. That the best way to change your life is to change your language. That language isn't simply a way to convey ideas and information to others, it's a way to motivate and improve your own performance. Let's say you're trying to lose weight and you come into work and somebody on your team has brought a big box of donuts. They look tempting, they look alluring, and you might say to yourself, I can't eat a donut. Stop doing that. Instead, change your language and change your life. Replace I can't eat a doughnut with I don't eat a doughnut. There is research showing that the move from can't to don't is powerful for at least 2 reasons. The first is that when you say I can't do something, you're making a decision every single time. That can wear you down. With I don't, you're setting a hard and fast rule. It's easier to comply with. The second reason this is effective is that when you say I don't eat doughnuts, You're describing your identity. You're describing what kind of person you are, and that makes it easier to adhere with the behavior. So stop relying on willpower, switch your language from can't to don't, and I think you'll see some good results. Here's another example. You're faced with a tough problem at work or in your personal life, and naturally you say to yourself, what should I do? That makes sense. But here's a suggestion: stop saying, what should I do? And instead, ask yourself, What could I do? That switch from should to could, research shows, can be powerful. The reason is simple. Should is a narrowing word. When you say should, you're limiting your options. That's okay sometimes, but could is a widening word. When you say I could, your vision expands. You see more options. You see more possibilities. And so for many problem-solving tasks, this little switch from what should I do to what could I do can be powerfully effective. Here's another example. You know that exercise is good for you. You know that when you come back from a run, you're going to feel better than when you started. Except at the moment when you're contemplating putting on your shoes, you're not in the mood. So what do you say to yourself? Ugh, I have to run. Ugh, I have to exercise. Let's switch that. Change from I have to run I have to run to I get to run. There's some interesting research showing that the simple switch from I have to to I get to can boost your motivation. The reason is this: get to taps your intrinsic motivation, your innate desires to do what you want to do. You actually like running. You run for a purpose. You run for a reason. Running makes you better. Remind yourself of that, saying, hey, I get to do this thing that is meaningful. I get to do this thing that makes me healthier. It taps your intrinsic motivation. It taps your autonomous behavior, and that is powerful. You are much more likely to stick with behavior when you're doing it for internal reasons and you're doing it autonomously rather than forcing yourself to do it. So the next time you're not in the mood to go out and exercise, don't say, I have to. Say, I get to. And this doesn't apply only to exercise. Maybe try it in other areas of your life. Don't say, I have to finish this project. Say, I get to finish this project. Maybe you can learn something from it. Don't say, I have to study. Say, I I get to study. You have an opportunity to learn. That's pretty cool. Don't say, I have to take care of my kids. Say, I get to take care of my kids, because they're a source of meaning and pleasure and love in your life. This simple switch taps what makes us human, our desire to do things because they're meaningful, because they're important, and because we want to do them. You know, one of the things that I've noticed is that we're way over-indexed on complex, complicated solutions, and we're under-indexing on very simple things. So keep it simple. Change your language, change your life.
