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My OCD Coach

My OCD Coach

I was in a long distance relationship with a boy who approached me and proposed to me. It was for 6 months, everything was fine between us ,he is in a defence academy where mobiles are not allowed so he used to put efforts to call me and we would talk and everything was fine but,one day his sister got to know about us and she asked me to call this off since his parents wont accept us in future and they are so orthodox ,somehow I felt bad and asked my bf to call this off but my bf took stand at that time and there I realised that he would never leave me and saved our relationship and asked his sister not to interfere and it was good for 3 months ,but after 3 months when he came for his break in june ,his sister and he had an argument over our relationship ,she had misunderstandings regarding me and she tried manipulating him that we are not compatible and his parents won't allow us to get marry since I was 2 years elder than him and then my bf got convinced and called that off also he was having fear that since our relationship got so evolved that we may have sex and he won't marry me in future since he has fear of marriage also he didn't want me to suffer in future and he was not sure about us since there was so much interference from his family especially from his sister ,after that I tried convincing him that and other so he got convinced and we patched up but again his sister got to know that we patched up and she blackmailed me that I'm the reason why she and he are having argument and because of me he has distanced his family and blamed me for everything and she asked me to to tell my parents about this and then he broke up again this was another breakup that was the day prior to my exam and this affected me so bad that I failed in that exam , after that after few days we had few conversation and then I went to my relatives place for attending a wedding and then he messaged me that he wanted to meet and talk face to face and resolve our problem and we did and patched up again and then we had good 2 days but then his sister got to know and she again interfered and blackmailed so bad and she asked me to bring my parents and tell about our relationship and said you are strong enough to take stand,knowing my parents won't allow me since we are not that settled career wise to marry but once we get settled we planned to tell them because it's appropriate time to tell,even she blackmailed him to tell his parents and even he was ready to face and even took stand but as his mother got to know about it , her reaction was like how can you date a girl 2 years elder than you and she said do you wanna bring one more sister and mother in our house it's context goes like either mother or sister is elder that directly showed she judged me because I was 2 years elder than him as she's orthodox.He asked me we will continue but let our parents know this but I knew that my parents won't support this and even he knew that my parents won't support since my parents want me to prioritise my career first and after that I can tell them that I am dating a guy ,since they want me to prioritise my this year for my studies but I can convince them once I'm settled ,I cannot tell my parents about this since I'm studying right now and they won't support me ,he wanted to call this off ,even we ended it in good terms but I was not at ease and felt so bad that I through my friend ask him to stay and on that he said ,"already everything was cleared why you want to have this again and why do you love me samradni "?and I told him that why I loved him and then I asked him the same, then he said ,"you know that already I don't have time let's take a break for 5 months and let's see if our conditions are same or not if yes then we'll continue."I'm not able to understand whether I should wait for him or let him go because how can u have confusion over a relationship or love that if conditions are same we'll decide whethe to continue or not.After that I messaged his friend to contact me but then I deleted that message and then he called me for asking what I messaged him then I said I wanted to send some courier but I wasn't able to ,and I asked," whether you moved on ?"on that he said ,"why you are asking same again and again ,I had told you last time ." ,it was kinda rude and then I decided to send that courier to him and it got delivered after few days after that I asked his friend to tell him that courier is sent please ask him to check and his friend replied ok ok ,but it's been a month and he has not contacted me after that ,I know we are on a break ,I feel there is no thing like break even if it is, it is for 1-2 months what is 5 months break even my mother said if he loves you he will return but I don't know what to do since 1 month is passed and 4 months are left ,I really don't know whether I should wait or let him go ,but I love him so much but still I'm so confused that I am not able to understand what should I do for 4 months like he last called me as I said on 10th July for asking ,what I messaged his friend as I deleted it for everyone then I said I wanted to send the courier and then he asked me about my result on that I said ,out of 4 I passed in only 1 exam and then I asked him u might have moved on ,on that he said Why you are asking me same questions again n again ,it felt really rude and then he said take care and cut the call after then it's been a month he haven't called me yet and even I don't know whether he has received that courier or not as after that call I decided to send it to him and as I said earlier I asked his friend to check and convey my message even that I don't know ,I'm doing it out of love because I care for him and I adore him ,but I really don't know what to do ,how to address this break of 5 months ...I do feel angry and disrespected when he admitted that he was trying to distract himself by talking to other girls when he wasn't able to move on and even I feel that he showed guts and was honest for admitting that,I even thought about many times whenever he got manipulated by his sister ,he broke up and was not sure and then he used to come up with ,if you are ready to face consequences we will continue and he knew I was ready for everything ,I know he is doing his stuff in his military academy ,they don't get any free time to even sit and think ,but here I'm the one who is suffering ,I know he also would have been suffering with thoughts but atleast he is doing his work with that,even when his family got to know about our relation he asked me what to do and then I said that we have to break up since I got scared and don't wanted that my parents should know this by any chance otherwise ,we both would have to lose each other ,so on that he made his mind and said let's break up mutually because he was helpless and he said we can continue by telling both side's parents ,I denied that since my parents won't have supported me since both he and I are too young and my parents always thought that I should make my career and they knew I failed 3 exams out of 4 and they got DISTURBED BUT STILL SUPPORTED ME ,if they by chance got to know THEY WOULD BE DEVASTATED, I told him let's tell everyone that we have broken up and in secret we will continue and after getting settled we will tell our parents and there won't be problem at that time but on that he said,I'm helpless now ,we should carry on and should move on.I cried soo much was i was devastated ,he blocked me on instagram ,he thought his sister would ruin things by telling about us at my home so he didn't wanted me to get affected by this ,but he did it for my sAKE i guess but still I think he loved me ever he won't have given up on our relation ,seeing my condition ,my friend contacted him and told how much I loved him and won't leave him ,and she can't tell her parents because of obvious reasons but once you both guys are settled you can tell about your relation and can succeed but he said I know,but nothing can be done right now ,I thought about every single thing and then I took this decision and asked whether I'm okay or not ,on that my friend told him that she's not able to survive on that he said I'll talk to her,then he messaged me on insta and asked whether I was good or not then I asked him I want you ,this relation then he said why do you love me then I told so...,then he came up with a statement saying let's take a break for 5 months,for now lets stop ,after 5 months ,If both of us find ourselves in same condition we'll continue,since there will be clarity......and then as I said earlier I tried reaching him via his friend ,he called me last time on 10th july as I said earlier and that was last call it's been a month ,we haven't talked and neither did he contacted ,I'm not able to address this break like what should I do,I keep manifesting,my insta feed brings me up with how to get rid,how to move on or those tarrot card readers ,I feel like going completely off from everything,social media,and just wanna have something that could relax me n my mind,but as I said this break thing I'm not able to understand.,I accept that I can't blame him for ruining my exams since I am responsible for it I had a whole year but I ended studying exactly one day before exam but break up affected me so much that i wasn't able to focus ,and he did wanted me to study but I didn't expect that he would have broken up before my exams ,he knew this would affect me knowing this he did it because he was helpless ,after all this I even felt like I did commit mistake but atleast I have that true urge and my love is true for him ,convincing and fixing ,reaching and not getting answers felt like a beggar for me,but now I have stopped doing that all out ,since I have accepted that all I have done from my side not to prove but I love him and I want him ,but we can't force people and I have come to that understanding,please coach me what should I do for the break of 4 ..

what is the REAL method?

this girl ive been seeing for a while, Yazmina. she's slightly more introverted. meanwhile the coworker, sarah, is more extraverted. that is one of the preferences or things that I do like, girls who are more extraverted. i don't know whether this is a preference or osmething i really do deep down desire.

So I have a fearfull avoidant attachment style, do many other people with ocd have the same style?

It feels like I`m continuing life with an untreated personality disorder. And that I need to do intensive trauma therapy to heal.

Would it be wise to tell her that I am struggling with ocd and rocd? She told me that when we are together she sees that I``m checking out from time to time and at that time doesn't feel connected.

Thanks, and just to be clear. Working on your own rocd also helped you with your attetchement style? I find it really difficult to get the right tools and help for my ROCD and my attetchement issues. Not a lot of people have a full understanding of what ROCD is.

I`m scared that I can`t handle the anxiety that comes afterwards

Oh , there's a big one I wanted to ask. I``m scared ` being intimate` with my date. My mind says, if you are not sure about this relationship you are using her for your own entertainment

It also can get a bit mixed up with magical thinking. For example, I can hear a song on the radio that sings ` listen to your intuition` or I can read a text somewhere that says `` be honest`` or `` if I don`t see a heart somewhere today it means the universe says that she`s not the one`. How to tackle this?

So the internet says that as a fearful avoidant I should only date `save people`. This also triggers my old, how to handle?

Is to common for people to also have thought like ` maybe im a narcissist or a covert narcissist or maybe im borderline?`

A job without drama, without a loud-mouth take-charge-and-then-some-personality type that makes me feel like shit, to do something I'm truly passionate about--so basically a non-existent dream job. Haha. I want to have the same opportunity as the rest of my coworkers...an unguaranteed telework day per month.

What if he doesn't change and he doesn't meet my needs?

Help

How do you help clients overcome relationship OCD doubts?

How do you help clients overcome relationship OCD doubts?

My pattern is to date guys for 1-1.5 years and then end the relationship. Get bored and lose interest. What are the reasons this could be my pattern?

Yes, all of it resonates. I think I have a combination of OCD, anxious and avoidant attachment. Is this something that I can work on by doing the REAL method and ERP? Will I ever be able to work passed this and enjoy a long term relationship?

now that you said it sounds like a legitmate values concern it ramped up rocd and my desire to solve it. what to do. also how to discover in time without ruminating if we are compatible when it comes to our intentionality around healing and growth

how to use the may or may not tactic for another thought... ive been in theraoy for 15 years, did 4 years of recovery, worked through family of origing issues, got free of porn addiction, and now help others. i have a high value on growth and healing and freedom and doing whatever it takes. a big reason i did this was for a healthier future family. she has never done theraapy and hasnt had nearly an intense or intentional healing and freedom and journey as mine. that feels discouraging and often like it may becvome a dealbreaker cause i dont respect her journey and level of effort

I feel like it's bad that I don't want to spend a week with him