Dave Edgren reads B.J. Novak's The Book with No Pictures by breaking every reading rule: he adds absurd voices, invents nonsense words, claims his head is made of blueberry pizza, and performs a goofy song. The whole thing spirals into controlled chaos designed to make kids laugh.
Chapters
Hi, my name is Dave Edgren, and I'm going to read you The Book with No Pictures by B.J. Novak. The Book with No Pictures, B.J. Novak. This is a book with no pictures. It might seem like no fun to have someone read you a book with No pictures. It probably seems boring and serious, except— Here is how books work. Everything the words say, the person reading the book has to say. No matter what. That's the deal. That's the rule. So that means even if the words say— "blork." Wait, what? That doesn't even mean anything. "Blurf." Wait a second, what? This isn't the kind of book I wanted to read, and I have to say every word the book says? Uh-oh. I am a monkey who taught myself to read. Hey, I am not a monkey. And now I am reading this to you in my monkey mouth with my monkey voice. That's not true. I'm not a monkey. Yes, I'm a monkey. Also, I am a robot monkey. What? And my head is made of blueberry pizza. Wait a second. Is this whole book a trick? Can I stop reading, please? No? And now it's time for me to sing you my favorite song. A song? Do I really have to sing a song? Glug, glug, glug, my face is a bug. I eat breakfast right off the rug. What? This book is ridiculous. Can I stop reading yet? No? There are more pages? I have to read the rest? My only friend in the whole wide world is a hippo named Boo Boo Butt. Boo Boo Butt. And also, the kid I'm reading this book to is the best kid ever in the history of the entire world. Oh, is that so? And this kid is the smartest kid too, because this kid chose this book even though it had no pictures. Because this kid knows this is the book that makes grown-ups say silly things and make silly sounds like— oh no. Here it comes. Glurg, wokum, grumpadoo, aye, aye, aye, broog, broog, broog, oomph, eemph, bloggity, bloggity, glippity, globbity, glippity, glippity, glippity, beep bop eee. Badongy face. Oh my goodness! Please don't ever make me read this book again. It is so silly. In fact, it is completely and utterly preposterous. Next time, please, please, please, please, please choose a book with pictures, please. Because this is just too ridiculous to read. The end. Bonk! I did not want to say that.
