The narrator explains why he avoids drugs, alcohol, and casual sex through two stories: meeting Casey, a vegetarian hippie, and a stranger on Front Street who calls him a "vegetarian virgin who doesn't drink." He argues that abstinence is a learnable choice, not rare talent, built by choosing good role models over repeating others' mistakes.
Chapters
And then another time as we were there, Casey pulled up. And Casey was the guy who drove, who owned all the birds. And he drove this minivan, the hippie van painted with flowers and everything, and the birds were inside. And he had long hair down the middle of his back, and he was like, "Yo, what's up?" And he was really super skinny. And Casey would come up and he'd start talking and say, "Okay, how are the birds going? This one looks a little— oh yeah, he's a little agitated." Okay, why don't we take this one? Come here, little buddy. He'll put him in there. Okay, let's put this one out because he's fresh and ready for the ladies. Put him there. And so anyway, he's doing his hippie thing, swapping the birds, and Mike goes, "Do you know that Casey here, he's a rabbit?" I said, "A what?" "A rabbit." I said, "What do you mean he's a rabbit?" He said, "He only eats salad." I said, "Really, Casey? You only eat salad?" He goes, "No, dude, I'm a vegetarian." Where are you? And I said, I don't know. Well, Mike, I'm a vegetarian. My parents are vegetarian. He said, you're not! You're really a vegetarian like Casey! And I said, hey, dude! And it just couldn't compute for him. There was just so much different between Mike and I. So a little while later, a few days later, we're standing there again. And as we're standing there, this guy is walking along the beach. And I didn't see him, but Mike saw him. And he yells out this guy's name. And I don't remember his name, so I'll just say Mike's favorite word. He's like, "Dude!" And so the guy turns and looks and he goes, "This is the guy I was telling you about!" And there are literally hundreds of people in line on Front Street walking along there doing their shopping. And they all stop to look at the guy he was telling him about. And the other guy goes, "What?" He goes, "The vegetarian virgin who doesn't drink!" And the virgin, he had this little stand-by thing that kept money and stuff in it. And I was just like hiding behind it. And this other guy climbs up the stairs from the beach and he comes walking across the road and by the time he's as far away from the back wall as from me, he's got his hand out like this and he's walking towards me. I'm thinking, what is he doing? And he walks up and as he gets close he thrusts his hand out and he goes, "Dude, put 'er there!" I was like, "Okay." So I reach out and I shake his hand and he goes, "Dude, is it true?" I said, "Is what true?" He said, "D-d-you're a virgin and you don't drink?" "And you're a veggo?" And I said, "Yeah, yeah, it's true." And then he asked me a question that I have never thought of about myself before. I had always thought of the question in reverse. He said this, "Dude, how do you do it?" And I had always, the question had always been, why don't I do it? Why don't I drink? I'm gonna explain this. Why don't I sleep around? I'm gonna explain this. Why don't I eat meat? Explain this. Why don't I, don't I? And he says, "How do you do it?" And I said, "How do I do what?" How's that strength? And I said, well, like, just, yeah, I mean, it's just something with practice. You can do it too. And I didn't say that, actually. I was just like, it's just my parents made me. And he said, oh, dude, but I got respect for you. You're strong. And it just completely changed my mentality of why I am a non-drinker, why I am a non-drug taker, why I'm a non-smoker, why I'm a— a non-sleeper arounder, is that a word? I chose my values by doing something really unique, and it's not that hard to do because there's 6 billion other people on the planet to look at. But rather than making your own mistakes, screwing your own life up to find out if it works for you, "Will alcohol really suck me down like it does everyone else?" Just look around. There are, and I'm sorry to say this, but there are a lot of screw-ups. And you can look. You don't have to do it to yourself. You don't have to screw yourself up. You don't have to get pregnant when you're a teenager. You don't have to get drunk and lose everything you've eaten that day because everyone else is getting drunk. You don't have to take yourself down because other people are going down. When people like Mike and his friend look around, they're looking for somebody that in their mind is a hero. Nobody looks around and says, Gee, I really want to find a nobody, a zero to follow. I want to be like somebody who's just lost it in life. Nobody does that. Everybody says, I want to find somebody who has something they stand for. And I'm sure you've heard this phrase, if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. But it's so true. If you decide, I am going to stand strong in who I am, I'm going to set some values in my life, and I'm going to look around and find some good examples around me. They may be your family members like me. I hope they aren't. I hope you have a really strong family and that they're all really self-controlled and good people. But I had a lot I've got a lot of mess-ups in my family, and I could look around at them and say, "I don't wanna be— when I'm 60 years old, I don't wanna be like Grandpa George. When I'm 25 years old, I don't wanna be like Earl. I wanna be like—" and then I would pick good role models. And I challenge you to do the same thing. Look for a hero, follow them, and one day somebody's gonna walk up to you and say, "Dude, how do you do it?" And when they say that, you'll have an answer because you've actually thought it out.
