Blended Families: Scott & Vanessa Martindale

The Burlington Coat event is back. Buy a coat now through November 29th and get $5 off your merchandise purchase of 25 or more from December 6th through December 24th. Plus, Burlington is donating 50,000 new coats to help those in need nationwide. Through our partnership with Delivering Good, we've been keeping you warm for over 50 years. We'll see you at our coat event, Burlington Deals, brands. Wow.

Visit burlington.com coats for details. Hello, and welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And you are in for an awesome and much needed episode today. We have friends that we are interviewing today, and they are going to be talking about blended family issues, which we need. More podcasts like this, right?

Yes.

I'm so excited about this one.

I mean, probably close to half of all the people listening and watching right now are in some kind of blended family issue or blended family dynamic. And it's just an issue we haven't talked about enough because it's not our personal experience.

Right.

But it's, it's. So many have experiences.

So many.

And so we've got the experts today we do to help us with that. So Ashley's gonna share a review and then after that, I'll tell you who our very special guests are for today's podcast.

All right.

It's a short review today and thank you again to those of you who have left a review. We really appreciate it and it is the best way to let people know about the Naked Marriage podcast. And so today's review is from Temujin Taf, and it's entitled Chores. And they gave us a five star review. So thank you so much. And it says I absolutely love listening to your podcast while I'm doing my morning chores. It really brightens my day. I love that. That's exactly what I do with my favorite podcast too, is I do it while I'm doing chores or doing other things. And that's the beauty of podcasts. So thank you so much for leaving that review. And if you would like to leave a review, you can leave it right here on itunes and just let people know that you love the podcast and we appreciate it, you guys.

That's right. You can also leave reviews on other platforms like YouTube, where these podcasts are now something you can watch, not only listen, but you can tune in. And today would be a great episode to do that because we've got the Martindales here in the studio with us. So look up the Naked marriage podcast on YouTube, like the new Dave and Ashley Willis channel. And you'll be the first to know when new videos come out. But today's guests are our dear friends, Scott and Vanessa Martindale. They're the founders of Blended Kingdom families. And they just do an exceptional job helping families from all walks of life grow closer to the closer in their faith in God and closer in their relationship with each other, while helping them navigate the very unique and often complex dynamics that blended families face. And they've got some wonderful insights to share with us today. I'm so excited to have them here. So let's dive in to today's conversation.

Well, we are so excited to have Scott and Vanessa here with us today of Blended Kingdom Families. And you guys like this conversation is an important one. And these are the experts to talk about the blended family issues specifically. And so welcome to the podcast, y'.

All. Thank you. Thank you. It's great to be here.

Yes. We are so excited. Thank you guys for having us.

Yeah, we're thrilled that you're here. And guys, if you're only listening to this, you're missing out. Cause they are live in the studio with us right now. This isn't just a zoom call. We're here in the flesh with the Martindales. So go to our YouTube channel, look up the Naked Marriage on YouTube, find the Dave and Ashley Willis channel, and you can watch the entire interview and see these beautiful people in the flesh. So thank you guys so much for coming in today and for all that you do. And we haven't finished focused enough on blended family issues on this podcast because I know just from the people that write us, I would say somewhere around half of the listeners and viewers of the Naked Marriage podcast are in some kind of blended dynamic. And it creates so many unique challenges and dynamics that we haven't talked about enough. So I'm so thrilled that you guys are here to bring your expertise. So tell us a little bit about just your family and how you got into this in the first place, how you became the Blended Kingdom family.

Well, one day I saw her and I was like, I just fell in love.

You just knew I just fell in love.

Yes. I think if you let me tell it, there's less room for correction. So, just joking, you guys. No, we, Scott and I, we married in 2013. I was married previously. That obviously ended in divorce, but I have a 15 year old son from that divorce and then. Or from that marriage. And then Scott and I married in 2013. We had three kids. Back to back to back. So we have four boys, ages 15, 6, 5, and 4. So it is wild, fun, and smelly in our home. You just never know what's going to happen.

That's our life.

Yeah, we totally get it.

Yes.

It smells.

Yes. And so, Navi, I also grew up in a blended family. Scott grew up in a blended family, and we became a blended family. And throughout the process, I would say about year five of our marriage, we went through what we would call a wilderness season. And we were in litigation with my ex spouse. And we had reached out to the local church looking for resources for blended families, biblically based resources, and there was nothing. There was, you know, classes for divorce care, classes for singles, but nothing for blended families in the middle. And really, through that process, we didn't know it at the time, but God planted a seed in our hearts. And I really believe that that's where the ministry of BKF was birthed. And so it was in The January of 2019, God spoke in the car one day and was like, hey, want you to minister to blended families. And we were like, what? Like, we are not qualified to do this. No way know how. But God just spoke to my heart in that moment. And he was like, the very thing that society says will disqualify, I'm gonna use to qualify you in this. And so, yeah, we launched Blended Kingdom Families in January of 2020. And it has just been absolutely amazing. We love getting to minister to people who have experienced remarriage, whether that's their newlyweds or they've been in it for 20 plus years. It's been an amazing process. And hearing the stories and what God is doing in their lives is. It's incredible. Love it.

It's awesome.

Yeah. I would just echo and just say, you know, we didn't know what we were, you know, fully getting into. I think we knew that, you know, in classic church form, you know, when you go and ask and there's nothing they say, grateful that you asked.

Let's get started. Yeah. You're the new leader.

You're the new leader. So I think through that process, BKF has really just been blessed. I think that it's been really just a blessing for our marriage and our family to see not only restoration in our own blended family, which we thank God for, because that wilderness season she spoke of, I could not be stressed enough how bad it was. So seeing God take us through that and knowing that we could bring that to another blended family and say, this is the answer to the journey. And I just think it's just been an amazing experience and we love it and it's a lot of fun.

Yeah, I love it. And what do you find when blended families reach out to you? What do you find is kind of the most common issue or most common issues that they're having?

I think the one that comes to mind for me is when you deal with very controversial ex spouses and. And your children are very young. So as a parent, we know that one of our prime focuses is protecting our children. But in blending families, it's unique because you're letting them out the door and they're going to somewhere else, and you have to protect from afar. So understanding the dynamics of when you have maybe a confrontational spouse or a spouse that has substance abuse issues, or you've had a nasty divorce and you just cannot co parent correctly, and then you're letting your most prized possession, you know, your child go, and you're sending that child off into a protected, hopefully a protected world. I think that's where blended families reach out to us the most and absorb those resources. And maybe the second would be, you know, just marriage.

Well, yeah, and I think there's just this overarching mentality when we interview blended family couples for the project that we've been doing. But when we meet with them and do zoom calls and coaching, a lot of it is they just have this we're just trying to survive mentality. When, you know, scripture tells us in John 10:10, the enemy has come to steal, kill, and joy. But I have come that you will have life abundant, and abundant means like overflowing joy. And you can have that in a blended family. And so I think a lot of them fail to believe that what Jesus offers everyone, like he doesn't offer for people who have gone through divorce. And that could not be further from the truth. There is so much, you know, we serve a God of restoration and redemption. And just seeing that in our own lives and what God did in that wilderness season and being able to give that to that hope and encouragement to other people, I would say that that's another one, is just like having that mentality of wearing that scarlet D and we're like, no, let's rip that off and replace that with worthiness and love and, you know, forgiveness. So, yeah, I love that.

Yeah. And I think there have been so many misconceptions, especially within the church, around blended families and stigmas attached. It makes folks that are already walking through something difficult feel even more alienated. And the very place where they should be getting healing and help within the church. Sometimes are the people that are pushing them away, like there's something wrong with you. And that's so tragic. I think that that's changing. I think that the church is finally realizing how wrong that approach has been and how it's hurt people instead of helped them. But there's still some misconceptions that are out there. And so what's that look like? And how, how can people overcome that?

I think as you were talking, the picture that I got is I think a lot of blended families do feel kind of stigmatized by the church, but let's put that into practical explanation is they're not talking bad from the pulpit to these folks, but it's about the people that you meet and it's the way you tell your story. And it's about the people inside the church being welcoming to the concept that not everybody is perfect, not everybody comes with a solid, you know, non judgmental past. And I've done nothing wrong and I'm here at the church just to serve, but it's the people looking at those folks and going, you know what? Again, we do serve a God of restoration, of forgiveness. And those people being welcoming to their stories and welcoming to their pain and going, no, you belong here. And I think if that was happening and people were, you know, conveying that more often, I think more blended families would feel welcome in the church.

Yeah, that's.

And feel more open to speak.

I think another common misconception is, and we hear this a lot. I hear it a lot, probably more from the moms that are step moms. And it's inside the church not being able to identify with and kind of like what you were saying, Scott, a group in the church, whether that's finding a life group for your marriage or a mother's group, because it's like, hey, we're not a traditional, We're a blended family. So our problems, our life, it's a little bit different. But the stepmoms are like, you know, I don't have biological children of my own, but I'm a stepmother to these children, so I really don't fit into the stepmom category. And I think people kind of normalize that for blended families. Like, oh, it's okay. Like, it almost like makes it okay for them, but it's something that they really, really struggle with. And because it's because I think they're afraid to voice it or to even talk about it because they shame or they feel different, that there's more I think there's more healing that needs to take place in that area of blended families than I think people really, really understand.

One more that I want to bring up, and I think this is one of the most important ones, is that people are in blended families. A lot of people feel like their marriage cannot be blessed.

Absolutely.

Like it's constantly going to be overshadowed by the stigma that there was a failure that created it. And I think more blended families need to understand and wear proudly that God can bless their marriage, God can bless their family. He can restore relationships, he can heal so much pain that people are feeling and he can move mountains. Like, it's literally like the stories that we hear. It really blows my mind of what people are capable of, but it is more important than what God's capable of healing. And those stories of, you're not going to believe what happened to me. You're not going to believe what caused my situation. And the answer always is Jesus can heal that and he can restore that relationship. No matter how bad you may not get along with your ex spouse, go pray for him. See what God can do for them. See what God can do in your family. And I think more blended families need to realize that God can bless their family. They don't have to live with a shadow or as you said, a scarlet been divorced. They can live it abundantly and have an amazing marriage and family.

Right.

Man, that is so good. And as you were saying that, my mind went to the very first words of the New Testament, which is the lineage of Jesus. And I just love how God in his wisdom, the very first part of the New Testament, introducing the story of Jesus. And he tells the story with this lineage that points out all of the messiness and all of the different family dynamics and really blended families that God used to bring about. The Savior of the world, our Messiah, and the blessing that's in that and how it's not something where there's any shame, it's something where there's great hope and blessing to say, look what God has done through this family line, what he can do through yours. And so if you know you're listening to this or watching this and you feel some of that weight on you that Scott and Vanessa have talked about, I think Jesus just wants to free you from that. And just for you to see yourself through that lens of grace, regardless of what set of circumstances led you to the family dynamic that you're in, that you're in a family now that is sacred and holy and one that he wants to bless and one that he wants to bless for generations to come. And really one that has a lot of unique opportunities. You know, we think about some of the extra challenges blended families face because blended family marriages, they have all the same challenges that another couple would have, plus an extra layer of challenges with dealing with exes and with custody and with different things. But there are some unique opportunities in all this. So what are some of those kind of unique blessings that can come through a blended family?

Yeah, I would say more love. You know, our 15 year old, he, his father and I divorced when he was 18 months old. And so, you know, and I was a single mom for about six or seven years and met this awesome hunk next to me.

But it was the bald head that did it. Yes, it's a perfectly shady. That was it.

But you know, through that process and even now, Michael, you know, as a 15 year old, he's getting that emotional intelligence and he loves that. He has so much love. He's like, I have a dad and a stepmom and he has brothers over there, he has two brothers over there. And then he's like, I have an amazing stepdad, I have my mom and then I have three brothers over here. And what's awesome is that we through that wilderness season, like God said, God redeems so much and we have an amazing co parent relationship. But just to see him thriving in his blended family, I think that is a huge blessing. When we can do marriage and life God's way and lay down our pride, especially in blended families, there is, there's a lot, there's a lot of pride there, there's a sting of rejection, there's a lot of I want to control, I want it to be this way. But when we can lay that down and really humble ourselves, God will bless your family, he will bless your marriage. And we've just seen that in our family. I would just say extra love, more love.

I think what comes to me is you look at the statistics and you go, and that is bleak. That is bleak. When you look at divorce rates, second marriage, divorce rates going on, what I love about Jesus and blended families is when you talk about breaking generational curses, when you talk about changing generations of families because of decisions that you make, that to me is like the wow factor. It is, what can you do for your children and the example that you can set. And I think blended families, they have this messiness sometimes about whether it's a co parenting relationship or a custody issue or it's child support issue or whatever that is. But you also give your child the experience of seeing conflict, seeing resolve, seeing Jesus through this. And it sets the tone. It sets the tone for generations. And that's what I see as one of the biggest advantages to kind of adapting Jesus into your blended family is that you get to change those generations.

Yeah, that's so good.

Black Friday savings are here at the Home Depot, which means it's time to add new cordless power to your collection. Right now, when you buy a select battery kit from what of our top brands, like Ryobi or Milwaukee, you'll get a select tool from that same brand for free. Click into one of our best deals of the season and stock up on tools for all your upcoming projects. Get Black Friday savings happening now at the Home Depot. Limit one per transaction exclusion supply full eligible tool list in store and online.

So good, so good, so good. New markdowns are on at your Nordstrom Rack store. Save even more.

Up to 70% on dresses, tops, boots.

And handbags to give and get. Cause I always find something amazing. Just so many good brands.

I get an extra 5% off with.

My Nordstrom credit card total queen treatment. Join the Nordy Club at Nordstrom Rack to unlock our best deals. Big gifts, big perks. That's why you rack.

You know, I know when we hear from people who are specifically, you know, blended family, a lot of times parenting is the thing that they. They're having a hard time with. Because I hear a lot of moms, especially who say, you know, okay, I want to marry this person. You know, my husband has kids from his previous marriage, and I have kids from my previous marriage. But when it comes to prioritizing the relationship, the moms often feel like I can't prioritize my marriage above my kids. And that's where it gets so messy. Like, we hear this all the time, don't we? And there's this guilt and what you find. A lot of times there's this. And it's not just the moms. I know dads can do this too. But a lot of times there's this mama bear, and it comes from a good place, you know, so I'm not throwing anybody under the bus here, but this mom is just trying to protect her kids and almost is afraid to even let this new spouse in, in any decision making. And then there's this wall that's up there, and then you find where she can't quite fully give herself to the marriage. And, you know, and maybe the husband feels the same way. And so they're not quite ever fully connecting or prioritizing the marriage. Do you all with the work that you do. And what would you say to a couple where that's the struggle?

Yeah, I call it the backseat driving thing. Because you have this alliance to your child who has gone through divorce. Their life has been turned upside down, and you're like, I'm doing anything and everything that I can to protect them. So you put them in the passenger seat. And then when you get married, you tend to put your husband or your new spouse in the back seat. Just speaking from experience, you know, But I mean. And then. And it just throws out the whole hierarchy of the home out of order. And one of the things that Scott and I teach, we talk about, we call it the golden triangle. And it's if you have God at the top, your spouse is on one end and you're on the other. If you're both growing in intimacy with the Lord, you're gonna grow in intimacy together. But if you put your child above your spouse or any, it just throws it all out of order. And I would just say, if you're in that situation, one, I think just being vulnerable naked enough to just really voice that to your spouse, like, this is what I'm feeling. I'm feeling immense guilt. I am feeling torn with putting you for and just talking that out. And maybe it's seeking biblical counseling or something to help you process through that. Because, again, we don't go into marriage thinking we're going to become a blended family. So you experience all these different things when you go into a new marriage. And one of those can be a difficulty with now putting your new spouse before your child.

Yeah, yeah, I think, you know, and you look at that and you go, wow, what an unbelievable problem to solve. Because, you know, if as a parent, I mean, that is the focus of your singleness, if you're a single parent is, let me protect my child. And then you come into a new marriage or even a new relationship, and it's in the courting stages before your marriage. And you go, okay. Somebody now says, and I know this is a controversial topic. I've seen it debated, and say, well, nobody goes above my child.

Yes.

Well, our goal is to set an example for our children. You know, I've heard this many times. Our goal, raising children, is to get them to the level of adulthood, get them unharmed, the reputation intact. And we've set a good example for them. We've told them about Jesus. They know what that answer is. But the best way to Explain that to them is through your relationship with your spouse.

Exactly.

And it makes it challenging because then you go to the practical side. Well, how do I put my relationship with my spouse above my children? Well, that may not all happen at one time. Your new spouse may not come in with the authoritative. And I know this, as a stepparent, you may not come in with the authoritativeness of saying, okay, it's gonna be this, it's gonna be that. You're gonna do this. You don't come in that way. You come in gentle. You know, step parents need to enter a marriage knowing that their first obligation is to love their spouse. That's their obligation. And then the second side is, let me earn the trust of her or him and their children and be a gentle leader. I think a lot of blended families get in trouble because. And again, I'm just gonna speak as a stepdad. Stepdads come in overbearing. They wanna solve every problem. They wanna protect everything right from the start. And it's my way. Cause I'm the leader. And that's not. You cannot have that authoritative step as a stepparent. You have to respect their biological father or mother and their. And then your spouse. So if you do that and both husband and wife look at their marriage as the most important thing, then over time, the children will align with that, and they will. And again, you will show that example. But I love that you brought that up, because it is one of the hardest things in blended families. And I think a big reason why they have so many struggles.

Yes.

Well. And if the divorce is what tore the family apart, and if that's what the child associates with, this is what marriage is like, then giving them the best version or picture of what a godly strong marriage is is the best thing that we can do aside introducing them to their savior. I mean, it's. And again, what you were saying about generational curses, like, if just because that happened with us, if we, you know, going into a second marriage, if we can show them, hey, we messed up, you know, but God can redeem and show them what a strong godly marriage is. You know, it sets their path. You know, it helps lay the foundation and groundwork for their future and their marriage in generations to come.

Yeah, I love that. Because, I mean, that is. And I think where the parents feel torn is they're wanting stability for their child. But what I hear you guys saying is. But one of the ways that you can show them stability is to live out having a strong marriage and prioritizing that marriage and it also just in how God created families, it puts kids kind of in the proper place in the family. Cause when they're calling all the shots and you see people fall into this dynamic, whether they mean to or not, it's so messy and it really is not good for the child. It's detrimental to that child. And it really messes with them and kind of how they see authority and how they see their place in the world. And later on we've seen with certain families where this can cause issues when it's backtracking. So I love that you guys speak so openly about that.

Yeah, it's good, man. This is good stuff. This is gold. And before we close, we're gonna tell you exactly where you can connect with Scott and Vanessa to get cause I mean, all these situations, all these dynamics, they're so nuanced, they're so complicated. They're unique to each family faces some unique dynamics, but the resources they have can really, really help you to be equipped in that. And so we want this to be, to be a help to your marriage. And so Scott and Vanessa are gonna stick around and they're gonna share their expertise in our Q and A time and we're gonna spend the rest of our time right now talking about these issues within the context of a real couple's very real situation. So we haven't seen today's question. As always, you guys can write questions to nakedmarriagepodcast.com youm can also write Ashley and me on Instagram Ave and ashleywillis or on our marriage page on Facebook. But today's question says this. My husband has two 30 year plus year old sons from a previous marriage. His ex constantly texts him several times a week about the grandkids. But she also talks about memories they have together with their family. If it was just grandkid pics, I'd be fine with it. But I feel this is close to an emotional affair. He says he won't stop texting with her because that breaks the connection between him and with his grandkids who live in a different state. What can I do or say? Am I overreacting? And you know, great, great question, you know, and I can see, just on first glance, I can see kind of both sides of this. I can see the grandpa here saying, listen, you know, I want to honor the good parts of that legacy and for the sake of our grandkids and our legacy and for the relationships to be able to celebrate the good memories that were. But I can see this wife's point of view saying, yeah, I feel like you're living kind of married to her and married to me at the same time. Where are those lines? Where are those boundaries? And I'd love to hear, I'd love to hear your all's take on this.

I will unpack it a little bit. Again, it's got some complexity to it and I'm just kind of, you know, kind of taking it piece by piece and understanding that there is a beauty about sharing past, you know, our connected memories. You know, so if you're sharing those memories of your grandkids, that is a phenomenal part of that. However, I will throw the curve here and say, but it doesn't sound like that's respecting your marriage in the sense of part of bringing up old memories. So, you know, in these situations, I may, you know, suggest because it's dealing with grandkids, maybe you talk to their parent, which is your son.

I agree.

And say, hey, this isn't working for my marriage because I don't need to be bringing up these memories because it dishonors my current spouse. And maybe that can be a pathway to maintain relationships. But not make your spouse feel uncomfortable.

Right?

Yeah, I love that. And Dave, when you said honor the past, I mean, that's one thing that we always talk about. In blended families with traditions, you can honor the past but have something new. And one thing that Scott and I, we always talk about protecting our marriage. I'm never on a text with a male by myself. Scott is always on it and via email. And so I would my suggestion or advice or encouragement maybe would be to be on a text together with the ex spouse so that the wife feels included. And that might drown out some of the emotional talk, but just to feel included could be another.

That's a great one.

Another encouragement as well. But, you know, still being able to honor that relationship and the grandkids, you know, that that can be a very, very hard situation.

Well, it also just goes to show you that these situations are not done when your kids are home.

Right.

You know, it's like a whole new generation of these issues will pop up when grandkids and there's grandkid issues and, you know, and a lot of times we talk about blended families from divorce, but there's also blended families from death of spouse.

Sure.

So, and grandparents also have a hard time with this. I know there' there are a lot of listeners who are grandparents and their children may have gone through divorce and they are having issues communicating with their grandkids. Because of that.

Yeah. It's so hard.

Absolutely. When I look at this and the two sons are grown, I'm a little confused as to why there is such a need for him to text her as much as this is going on. And I agree, maybe there are certain occasions. And I love what you said, Vanessa, about putting his. His putting someone else, making it a group test, maybe with the sons as well and with the new spouse. But I think I would think that he could get grandkid pics and have that communication with his sons or with his daughter in laws. Or with her. I'm sorry, with her daughter in laws. Because I'm not really totally sure on why there needs to be that much communication. And I do think it's important to honor the past, but I guess I think it'd be really good for this person to talk openly. Like she needs to talk to her husband and say, listen, why do you feel the need. Why do you feel the need to text with your ex wife so much? I know you guys have a history and now you have these grandkids and that's definitely part of you, and I totally wanna honor that, but it just hurts me so much because I feel like there's this part of you that I don't even have any say in. And it's just like this big thing kind of looming over because it may be that this ex wife is the one who's perpetuating it and that he needs to say, listen, you probably don't.

Even mean it this way.

Let's give her the benefit of the doubt. Like you're probably thinking it's just grandkids in our past, but I just don't know if this is good for either of us at this point. And I don't mean any harm here, but I just think we need to out of respect. And maybe this person's remarried too, like his ex wife, just out of respect for our family. Let's do it this way and just keep it really, you know, have healthy boundaries in place where we can celebrate the past but also really move towards a healthy future.

Absolutely.

Go ahead, Scott.

I was just gonna add one more point. I think one of the other things that is overlooked a lot of times in second marriages is second marriages kind of get into a rut of saying, you know what? I've already been through that and back, and I'm married. And we know we're not gonna divorce, so we may not divorce, but we may not have a happy marriage either. You know, and there are a Lot of situations in those blended families where they', well, I'm just not getting divorced again, but that doesn't mean my marriage is thriving. So there's a lot of disrespect in terms of honoring your marriage because of the stuff you've got in your back behind you that the spouse just deals with. So I think it's a great. This brings up a great opportunity for couples to have a conversation, to say, is there anything that's going on with our blended family that makes you uncomfortable? Is there anything I can do? Who doesn't want to have a better marriage? It's great times. I mean, we live together. We're all together all the time. I want it to be awesome.

And boundaries are so important. I mean, and that's biblical. It's all in the book of Titus. You know, boundaries are very. They're healthy. And if your spouse is feeling disrespected or even questioning, if there's even a question, I mean, that calls for a timeout conversation.

Yeah, right.

What do we call it? A marriage. A marriage meeting.

Yes, I call it a marriage meeting.

Marriage meetings are great.

Marriage meetings are great.

They are. And when you lead with I statements, like what you were saying, Scott, when you lead with I statements like, what can I do? Is there anything I have done that is making you feel like you need to kind of keep going to the ex, talking about the past and not accusing them, but just saying, like, what have I done? Am I making you feel insecure? Am I making you miss. Is there something I'm not doing where you're. That we're missing, you know, and I. It's hard to. You can't get angry at that. Cause someone is just saying, like, what can I do? I mean, that's a no. You're just opening it up for a great conversation.

And I think having just some clear policies in place, like Vanessa said, where, you know, I'm not gonna be on any text, any conversation, any communication, one on one with someone of the opposite sex.

It's just smart.

And I think even if couples have that rule in blended family situation, it's like there's this asterisk, this, like, exception. Well, except for my ex, because we have to.

Because these are our kids. Talk about this and that, you know, it'.

I think the more that you can find a way, though, even in those communications, to say, well, but to honor. Honor my marriage, I'm going to. Even with those communications, I'm going to copy my spouse because this impacts them. Yes. This might be our biological child together. But this impacts every decision, does my marriage. And so creating and holding to those kind of ground rules, I think, which every marriage needs, the right kind of ground rules can help.

And it brings more a sense of security, really, to all parties involved. Because when you set boundaries, when you know what the rules are, so to speak, that just brings a sense of peace, too. And then when somebody's not quite holding tight to the rules or the boundaries, that's when you bring it up. It's just simply what you all agree to. It's the ground rules. So it's not like you're just attacking them personally. It's like, no, no, we all wanna. We wanna have peace here. We want to get along. We want this to be good for us and for the kids. And so that's why we're all respecting each other and setting these ground rules and holding up these boundaries. So. Yeah.

So good.

So good.

And, Scott, Vanessa, thank you for joining us in these such important conversations. And for those who are listening, who are in a blended family dynamic, and there are thousands of them out there that are part of the Naked Marriage podcast family worldwide. How can they find you? How can they find the resources you're doing at Blended Kingdom Family Families and connect with you?

Yeah, so our website, blenakinafamilies.com we are on every social media platform. Instagram, Facebook, all of that. Our podcast is on every platform. Just like you guys. YouTube as well. We call it, like a blended family. I don't know, like talk show almost. It's fun.

A lot of fun.

Ashley and Dave, we have to get you guys in the studio. Yeah, we. But Ashley and Dave have been on our podcast as well. But yeah, you guys, our podcast, and we're also doing the Blended Kingdom project, which is an opportunity for you to fill out a survey, an interview with Scott and myself via Zoom. And it's just an opportunity for us to hear about their story, what your struggles are, what resources you need. We're currently writing our book, and so we would love to have you be a part of that, because your story has the ability to change and impact generations.

Yes.

So, yeah.

And then I would only add, you know, if you're listening to this, and we. We love to pray for blended families. So if you need prayer, you can email us@infoblendedkingdomfamilies.com we have an amazing intercessory prayer team that meets and we talk about every family that needs prayer. So we are so excited that you gave us this opportunity. We Love you guys. We're so thankful for what you guys do and it's mutual.

It absolutely.

It is totally mutual.

We are just blessed by your obedience to do what you guys do. And there's. It has impacted our marriage and our family and so many people that we know. I mean, they know, everyone knows Ashley and Dave and we just, we just honor you guys and we just bless you.

The only thing we don't have is a mini band.

You're just cooler than us. We're just not cool.

Yeah, we gave up trying to be cool long.

We were like, yeah, but guys, you.

Keep doing what you're doing. We're praying for you and cheering you on. Thank you for those watching and listening today. Thank you for tuning in. Please follow these folks. Look up Scott and Vanessa Martindale and Blended Kingdom families on social, their website, all of that. It is going to bless your marriage. Do us a favor on this podcast as well. Leave a review Share this link Send a text with the link in it to a blended family friend that you have and say, hey would really encourage you. And just by doing that one simple thing, letting your friend know that you care and you're thinking about him, but it could really, really make a difference in their marriage. And when you do that, you're also partnering with all of us in the work of helping build stronger marriages and stronger families. So thank you for it. God bless. We'll see you next time.

Bye, guys.

Take care.

By.