Burnout, Boundaries, and Balance in Marriage

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Hello and welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And you guys, we're starting a series today that is all about burnout. What do we do when we are in seasons where we either have marital burnouts, like with each other, or just we're burnout individually and we don't know how to cope and how to really approach the people we love in our lives in a healthy way? What do we do with that?

Yeah, and we've been there there, you know, we've been there recently.

Yes. I'm going to share, I'm going to share my own experience.

So we're going to talk because we don't want to come at this as, like, just theoretical. Like, we come at this, people who are in the trenches with you doing life, raising kids, paying bills, just living in this same crazy world that we're all living in and trying to, you know, find peace and rhythm and balance in it and live the thriving lives God wants us to live in our marriages and in our homes and really what it means to no matter what's happening outside of our home, to be able to set the temperature and the tone inside of our home so that it's a place of refuge and peace and recharging. And when this really gets out of balance and burnout can set in is when the home is a place that is draining you every time that you go in. You know, it's like there's not that. That rhythm of peace there because of tension, because of whatever might be going on. So over these next few weeks, we're going to unpack. You know, what is burnout? How do you recognize it? How do you deal with it? I really feel like this, this, this short series could be a game changer because we're going to. We're going to share some things that we've discovered in our own journey with burnout that have really been lifesavers for us. And we're so excited to share these truths with you. A couple kind of quick announcements as we get going. If you're listening to this in real time, we're sort of at the start of the fall semester, if you think, you know, we've got kids, so we still sort of think in terms of semesters, school, school and all of that, just the rhythm of the year. But as it relates to the XO calendar, our ministry, we've got some great events happening this, this fall, and we would love for you to come. We've got our very first event in our home state of Kentucky, where we grew up, Lexington, Kentucky. We're going to be there in October. We're coming back to Atlanta. We're going to be in Texas. We've got several great events coming up. And then already you can register for, for our biggest event of the year, which is Valentine's Day weekend at Fellowship Church in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. You can find all those events@xomarriage.com and then one other announcement I'll make is that, you know, we, we love our ad partners. We love them. The, the ads that we run on the podcast kind of, they help, they help fund the ministry, and we're so thankful for that. But if you would like the Naked Marriage podcast experience ad free and also get amazing access to a full library of, I believe, the best marriage content on the planet, because you're going to hear from Pastor Jimmy Evans, you're going to hear from Pastor some amazing teachers. We're honored to be part of that library as well. If you go to xonow.com you can get full streaming access for a low monthly rate. That money, just a few bucks a month, goes directly to fund the ministry. So you're helping, you're partnering with us. And not only will you get this podcast ad free, but you're also going to get, like I said, full access to an amazing library of resources and know that you're directly helping this ministry help more people. So check all that out again. Xomarriage.com is the Ministry website where you can find the conferences, free articles, free resources, all kinds of stuff. And that's always a good place to start. So thank you for listening to that, sweetie. What do you got?

Well, we're going to talk about burnout. So I just want to give it a definition. It says, what is marriage burnout? And so this is what, what marriage burnout is when it's specific to your marriage. But I'm going to talk about, like, in life as well. So marriage burnout refers to a state of physical, emotional, and marital exhaustion. I'm sorry, mental exhaustion. My glasses, you guys. You think I have my glasses? If you're watching this online and I'm still having trouble reading this, you guys, like, the 40s are not kind to your eyes. Okay, I'm just going to say that you're kind.

You're kind to my eyes.

You hit your 40s.

When I look at you, my eyes are thankful.

Oh, my goodness. You're so silly. All right, so marriage burnout refers to a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress and dissatisfaction within a marital relationship. It's characterized by feelings of being overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant relational demands. And so, in the same way, you can have burnout just in life, like when you're feeling. You've had a long season of overwhelm, You've had a long season of dissatisfaction where you just don't. You just don't feel like yourself. And you don't look at life with excitement. You don't look at your marriage with excitement. Like, your relationships are being affected by this. And there's lots of symptoms. We're going to unpack this more, but just kind of to gloss over, you know, in the. In the beginning, just to give you something to maybe gloss over is the wrong word to go over. Yeah, Just the basic symptoms is emotional exhaustion, loss of interest, constant conflict, like, where you're just always ready to have a row, as they would say on British television. I love that we need to bring row, too.

Yeah, it's called, like, row R O, W. But they're like, we had a row. In England. It means fight. Like, we had a fight. We had a row.

We had a row.

I had to look it up. I'm like, what?

I had to look it up, too. But I'm like, rao's a fun word. Let's bring that to the. To our vernacular in America. Why don't we do that? All right. Another one is lack of communication, where you're so overwhelmed that you're just not communicating. Feeling overwhelmed. We talked about that a little bit. And then a sense of resentment. You just resent life. You resent your spouse, you resent your job. And.

Well, I've got one more that I'll add to that.

Yeah, there's. There's more.

So. And I had this thought yesterday because I went to give blood yesterday, which.

He is an avid blood donor.

I am a fan of giving blood. It's. You know, there are all kinds of health benefits by the way you can look that up. But even more than that, it helps people and it's. It's a good thing to do, so you should do it if you're eligible.

So.

But I was giving blood, and normally it's a super smooth process for me.

Yeah.

You know, I've got. I got one vein that's just a gusher, and, you know, just no problem. But I was trying to use, like, the other arm and give and.

Oh, man.

They use this vein. Yeah. If you're watching on video, I still got this little mark right here where they tapped into this vein that just did not want to give blood. And so they're, They're. They're. They were kind of moving the needle around. I never have this experience. It's always a very good experience. But for whatever reason, this one vein, it just wouldn't. It was like there was no blood to give it.

It's kind of a side vein. Why did they go for that one?

It looked good, it plumped up, but it just. It was a dud. It had nothing, nothing to give. And as I was sitting there with time to ponder, sitting in this chair, I thought, that's kind of what burnout's like. When you feel like I've got nothing else to give. And this whole process is uncomfortable, and I'm trying to give, and I. I don't know what else to do, but there's just nothing else to give. It's like you' trying to draw water from a dry well. And when you're burned out, you feel like. You feel like that. You feel dry. You feel like I got nothing else to give. There's so many people who need something from me at work, at home, in marriage, and I just don't have anything else to give. Like, I'm dry. I got to find a way to fill back up so that I can be at my best for. For the people who rely on me and just be at my best to live the thriving life that God has for me. And. But if you've ever found yourself there, you're like, if you've ever said that I got nothing else to give, and I've been there, man, I've been there. You're not alone. That's what burnout feels like. And frankly, we're living in a world that pushes us at a pace that's not sustainable, it's not healthy, it induces anxiety. It messes with our health, our mental, emotional, and physical and spiritual health. And we've got to find rhythms that are countercultural that push away from all the chaos and really put us in a place where we can fill back up. You know, the Bible says in Psalm 23 that the Lord he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul. And we need that. We need to let God lead us away from the chaos to the still waters, to the places where our soul can be restored. And that's one of the things we're going to talk about over the next few weeks.

Yeah. And guys, in real time as we're recording this, we're coming out of really a burnout season. And I know, me personally, I'll talk from kind of my own personal experience because I really believe even when it comes to marital burnout, like you feel like maybe in your mind you think I'm burnout with my marriage. I really would venture to say that nine times out of 10, it's not really your marriage that you're burnout with. It's everything else in your life that is kind of added up to where you're just at capacity and maybe you've turned to your spouse and you think you're it. Like I'm burnt out with you because I can't handle you right now. Like I can't handle the emotional energy it needs, you know, that you need from me in our marriage or I can't handle, you know, doing xyz. I think that's kind of where we arrive because maybe we've allowed other things in our life to overwhelm us. And I know for me personally, as you guys know and you're probably sick of hearing about, I just went through and completed a three year master's program at Luther Rice College and Seminary. Woohoo. I'm so excited.

She's a grad and biblical counselor.

Biblical counselor. I got my master's in biblical counseling. I'm very.

Let me just give a plug here. By the way, she's amazing at this. She's been, she's just really gifted at it. And, and a lot of folks will ask, ask like, oh, can we connect with you guys for, for counseling or coaching or whatever. Well, Ashley now, now that she's finished this degree is on a very limited basis because you know, we don't have a ton of time. But she's offering one on one. You know, they just, she's putting that biblical counseling degree to use where you can connect with her for coaching wherever you are, you know, through, through video, live video chat. She has a website called AshleyWillis.net that she just launched and has some Free resources there. And also information on connecting with her one on one, which is such a gift because I'm telling you, this is the wisest person I know.

I don't know about that.

And so if you can, you can get on her calendar. I'm telling you, it could be. It can be life changing. So I just wanted to give that plug because you're amazing at what you. At everything that you do, including that.

Well, you're very sweet. But I will say he's given me a lot of grace here because I went through this, you know, three year program while working full time and raising kids and trying to do all the things that God has called me to do. And, you know, it was tense a little bit during that time. I mean, I would be like, literally many of you know, who've done school and work and family stuff at the same time. I know you can relate where you take your books everywhere you go. And with our job, we have to travel a lot. So I would be taking these massive textbooks with me and my laptop with me, and I'm literally on the road in planes. You know, I would be doing papers and I would be watching lectures and responding to my. My group chats and different things that I have to do there, even taking quizzes. I mean, I actually had my cell phone stolen in Peru on one of our trips. And it was because I was so in my studies, you know, working on something that I wasn't paying attention and it got stolen. So I mean, it's that kind. I'm just trying to paint the picture. So I was out. You know, I was really way over capacity during that time. And I remember I hit this was. This would be like May 2024. I hit the send on my very last paper, my very last assignment that I had to turn into my program and something in me snapped, didn't it, sweetie?

Right.

Like I literally something shifted in my mind, in my heart and my body, and for a solid week, I'm not even exaggerating. I felt almost like emotionally catatonic, if that's even a thing. Yeah, yeah, I really was.

Well, because you, you were going at an unsustainable pace for so long. And I don't even think you realized that you were just pushing through, like, I've got to do this. I got to do this.

There wasn't a lot of.

I got to get to that finish line. There was no margin.

Yeah.

And between our travel, between the kids, the work we do with xo and then her, her just pushing through this Pretty rigorous program. When she hits in on that last paper, I mean, I don't. She's not exaggerating, guys.

I don't know what happened. She.

It was like she. She went from being in work mode constantly to just, I'm out. Like, she had to check out. Her body forced her.

It's like, forced me.

Yeah, her body forced her, and her mind forced her to just say, we're in shutdown mode. Like, we are. It's like when your cell battery completely runs out of charge and it just shuts off, and it. You could be in the middle of a conversation or whatever, but if you run out of battery, you. It's dead. Your phone is gone. And our bodies can respond that way. If it's. If we're not charged properly, and I was not. Then you just shut down. And so she just. She just shut down. And.

And I wasn't trying to. Like, I just want to. I want to describe this because I know so many of you may not have been able to put a word to what you're experiencing, and maybe this is how you feel. Like, maybe you're like, I don't know what it is. I'm trying to do my duties. You know, I'm drinking my. My electrolytes. That's what I have right here. Shout out to First Moth Bluff, one of our fave churches over in Louisiana, by the way, if you're watching online, I have their cup in my hand. But, like, you know, maybe you're. You're like, I'm. I'm taking my supplements. I'm trying to get my sleep. I'm trying to go on my, you know, a date with my spouse. I'm. I'm doing all the stuff I'm supposed to do at work. I'm doing all the stuff I'm supposed to do at school. But you just come to a point where your body has literally told you. Okay. No, more like okay. And emotionally, too. Not just your body, but your mind. I mean, that's where I found myself. And I told Dave. I kept on saying I'd wake up each day and I'd be like, I don't know what's wrong with me. I got tons of sleep last night. I just feel like I can't do anything right now. I just feel like. And he's like, well, don't. And you told me, which was so sweet. You were like, listen, we don't have to travel this week. You know, we have certain work things we always need to do. But he's like, but Just take this time to rest. But then I felt because I'd been in go mode for so long, you didn't know how to rest. Like, it felt wrong to me. And I was like, I almost like, are you with you about it? Like, no, I need to do this. And you'd be like, ashley, you got to rest. You need permission. This is your permission, which you don't even need permission. But like, you know, this. Take this time. And so kind of over, over those few weeks, I mean, I tried to find a new routine of, of doing the work that I needed to do, but also really getting the rest I needed to get. And because I had been so over capacity for so long, I just went into major burnout. Like, the Burlington Coat event is back. Buy a coat now through November 29th and get $5 off your merchandise purchase of 25 or more from December 6th through December 24th. Plus, Burlington is donating 50,000 new coats to help those in need nationwide. Through our partnership with Delivering Good, we've been keeping you warm for over 50 years. We'll see you at our coat event, Burlington Deals brands.

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Visit burlington.com coats for details. Major burnout. And one of the things I first had to do was recognize the burnout and recognize that I had these symptoms and I remember. I'm going to share a little resource with you that's really helped me and it's so simple. But I'm a huge fan and if you follow us on Instagram, avanashleywillis I recently shared this. So this may sound familiar to you, but I'm a huge fan of youversion and I love, obviously it's a Bible.

App, reading plan app, and it's y.

O u version, yes, Y ou version.

And it's a wonderful resource.

It's so wonderful. And they have every kind of, you know, different kind of Bible on there that you can read. And it's all free, all free. So I read the Bible on here a lot. But I also love their Bible plan. So they'll basically take some of these Bible studies and they'll kind of pare them down to something real simple and digestible for like a daily Bible study. And, you know, when you're in burnout, the last thing you need is, like, more work to do. But I was like, you know what? I can't just, I can't just let myself get in this state and stay in this state and like, become a curmudgeon that just is resentful and, you know, just not, not able to be There for the ones I love.

Curmudgeon's a fun word.

Yeah, it is a fun word.

We should use that more.

So I was like, what do they have on burnout on youversion? And I found this great plan called Burnout and God's Invitation to Rest. And so if you are looking for something, if this is you, this is a very simple way to incorporate God's word into your daily routine and really, you know, help. Help you to recognize, too, that you're actually in burnout.

And.

And I remember when I was going through this plan there, you know, you mentioned Psalm 23. That's actually the very first psalm they start out with in this plan.

Yeah.

And it just. It takes you through kind of a thought and then just different verses.

And one thing about Psalm 23 real quick, not to get off track, is those beautiful poetic words were written by King David in a time when he was living in a chaotic season of life.

He was.

He was, like, running for his life from a tyrant King Saul, who was trying to kill him out of. Just because of his own jealousy and his own mental health issues. Yeah, he was.

Oh, gosh.

I mean, he was living a difficult, stressful time. And in the midst of that, he was able to tap into the peace that God wants us to have. And it's a reminder that our peace, the peace that God wants us to give, he wants to give it to us even before our circumstances change.

Right.

You know, we live in this myth that, like, well, once things calm down, then I can have peace. Or once. Once I get to this finish line, then I can have peace. No, he wants you to have peace today in the middle of your storm. And so whatever storm you're in right now, you can embrace the peace that God wants to give you right now. And there's so much. Just encouragement in that.

There's so much encouragement. And I love the psalms. Like, there's. Some of my favorite verses always tend to come from there. And in this study, they also shared Psalm 62. And it says this, and we're starting in verse five. It says, yes, my soul find rest in God. My hope comes from Him. Truly, he is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress. I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God. He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people, pour out your hearts to him. For God is our refuge. And I love that word, refuge, because I feel like whenever we're in a season of burnout, we feel, you know, like we need to isolate. We feel like we just need to get away from all of our problems, all the people who need us. And. And really what we need to do is first and foremost find refuge in the Lord and call out to him because he's not surprised. You know, he's. He knows that being a human being is hard sometimes. And sometimes we pour. Pour out more than we actually have, and we're over capacity and he wants to. To refill us. He wants to. To fill us back up with his. His love and his perspective. And. And first, you know, we have to find that refuge in him and allow ourselves to rest. And so, you know, with Dave's help and with things like this study and just really leaning into prayer, you know, really more. I mean, I pray every day, but. But I leaned into prayer even more because I really was kind of like at a state where I was like, I don't even trust myself right now because I'm just kind of so spent that I'm afraid sometimes I'm going to come off not how I'd like to come off to my family. And so I just knew I really needed to lean into prayer. So I just hope that you. You hear that today. If you're in burnout and not, you know, don't allow this burnout to make you isolate to where you stop connecting with your spouse or you stop connecting with your kids. You stop doing your job. And. And you start, you know, a lot of times in burnout, we can start questioning our calling, we can start questioning our relationships because we're. We're so tired. Like, our brain is not even in a. In a healthy state to really even look at things in the proper way. So that's why we just need to allow the rest.

When we're.

When we're burned out, we don't. I mean. Do you want to share a little bit about your burnout?

Yeah, sure. When. Well, kind of a phrase that I say that the kids, like, make fun of me for. But when you're burned out, this is how it feels. It feels that, like, easy stuff is hard and hard stuff is impossible. Like when things. Tasks that should be easy, they feel the amount of effort you have to summon to get it done.

Right. Right.

Feels difficult. And if something is already difficult, it just feels impossible. You don't even want to. To do it. And that's the way that it feels. And I've been there many times. Some of that happened with me pushing, I think, too hard for too long in a season of work that was not sustainable. And then my physical health started to give out. And we've talked a lot about that in the past and past episodes and in our Naked and Healthy book, where my thyroid gave out. My whole body just started to rebel against. He had all these digestive issues. And it was, the doctors believe, all induced by stress, by an unhealthy pace. And so that was a wake up call for me to start realigning my life. And it's not just a one time realigning. It's kind of like a daily practice of saying, all right, I want to get sunlight every day, I want to get exercise every day, I want to get good sleep every day, I want to go to bed early, I want to wake up early. I want to, you know, just do these basic daily disciplines that naturally bring out our very best. And when you're making a transition from kind of an unhealthy pace to a healthier one, it does feel unnatural and uncomfortable at first. I have a friend who's a counselor who described it like this. He says if you wrap a rubber band around your finger really, really tight, and until your finger changes colors and it goes numb and you leave it like that for a while and. And after a while, you don't even feel it. It's. It's numb. Even though it's unhealthy, you've completely cut off blood flow to it. Then when you make the healthy choice to take that rubber band off and blood starts flowing back into that finger, even though that's a healthy process, at first it hurts, it feels unnatural, it's tingly, it's painful. And you're thinking, man, it felt better when it was all wrapped up tight in that rubber band. Even though when it was wrapped up tight, it was really, you know, in its essence killing it, it was cutting off blood. It's the same with us when we're wrapped up so tightly with a stressful pace and we finally start loosening those bonds and letting blood flow back into us and start just embracing a healthier and healthier rhythm. At first it feels unnatural. It might even feel painful. And our instinct is to go back to that unhealthy pace we were living. But we have to fight against that. We have to work through the awkward transition to get and stay healthy until the healthy rhythm feels comfortable and feels right. And then once you embrace that healthy rhythm, you'll never want to go back because you realize this is the way we're supposed to live. God is not impressed with our busyness. He wants us to embrace A rhythm of rest. And yes, we should work hard when we work, but we should rest hard. And in our culture we're just never really fully at rest. Because even when we're resting, we're scrolling through social media, we're playing the comparison trap game, we're inviting all of the chaos of the world's news into our brain 24 7. And we're just not meant to carry that. And 2,000 years ago, Jesus came at a time when there were no cell phones, no 24 hour news cycles. And Jesus, the savior of the world, God in the flesh even, he would get away alone regularly. He would stop the very important work he was doing, the most important work that's ever been done to say, I've got to go reconnect with the Father, I need to recharge, I need to get alone. And because he still in a human body, had human limitations and he was modeling for us that like, hey, if the Son of God needs to do this, to unplug regularly, how much more do we need it? And that's a challenge for me as somebody that whenever I unplug I feel antsy and I feel like, oh my gosh, there's so much work I could be getting done. And we have to, we have to embrace that rhythm that Jesus modeled for us. Otherwise you're going to be like me at the unhealthiest, where my health gave out, my mental health started to give out, where I was tired all the time, where I was not productive even when I was working, when I was just trying to push through. And finally, and I haven't totally figured it out, by the way, this is still a daily struggle for me trying to figure out, okay, what does that rhythm look like in this season where I'm getting, I'm spending time daily in God's word, I'm having quality time with Ashley and the kids. I'm at my best when I'm with them. I'm unplugging regularly. I'm working hard when it is time to work. But I'm also making sure to invest in relationships, to get some sunshine, to get some exercise, to have some complete quiet in every day, to try to have a Sabbath every week, which is the biblical not only model, but biblical command to have a day of rest weekly, which is so hard in our culture. But guys, God's plan is still the best. And the busier and crazier our world gets, the more God's plan seems countercultural, but the more important, more important than ever that we really work Work to embrace it.

It's so true, honey. And you know, I think too, just to come back to kind of this first episode, we want to recognize, you know, we're sharing a little bit about our own testimony and also kind of what are the signs and symptoms? And I just want end by talking a little bit about how do we recognize in each other. And I would say first and foremost, look at yourself. We're so quick to be like, my spouse has this and like diagnose our spouse. But I think. And that's, I mean, there is definitely merit in that because sometimes it does take our spouse to kind of recognize some blind spots in us. And you've helped me with that many times. But I think it's also, it's best if we can start with our ourself, like having a self reflection of like, do I have any of these symptoms? And so again, are you emotionally exhausted? You know, I think one big sign when it comes to this is like, are you going through the motions of your life but you're emotionally anemic where you might be going on a date with your spouse, but you tend to focus on your phone more, or you're staring off in space and you're not really engaging or with your kids, you're maybe in the room, but you're really miles away and you're not. You're not really engaging with them and really having fun with them. You know, are you just kind of checked out, but really physically in the room. That's a big. I think that's a sign of burnout, you know, loss of interest. This kind of goes hand in hand with that. Like things that you generally would have liked to do, like working out or just hobbies you enjoy. You're just like, there's no point and I'm too busy, I've got to do this. Or, or you just want to just lay around. I mean, you know, that's, you know.

Yeah. And, and burnout, by the way, like is. Is directly connected to depression because there are so many of the same symptoms, very similar, and one leads to another. And so with that, it's also a mental health conversation. Do you need to talk to a doctor about getting on an antidepressant? Which I'm on right now. And it's made a big difference for me. I hope to not be on it forever, but right now, over the last several years, it's brought my serotonin level up and it's just helped me to kind of get over that hump and to be at My best. So, anyway, not to derail the conversation, but I just wanted to acknowledge that if you're checking the boxes for all these, not only is it burnout, there's a good chance it could also be depression. Depression. And. And you need to, you know, maybe explore solutions for that specifically.

And I think if you're in burnout long enough, it could turn into depression. Oh, yeah, absolutely. You know, constant conflict. You constantly find yourself either picking fights or really leaning into a fight with your spouse, with your workmates, with your kids, or retreating or just always. You're exactly right. Sweet. Like, sometimes it's like, nope, I'm not dealing with this. And I mean, I found myself there. Like, we're not big fighters. But I will say, in this time of burnout, like, we actually. And we shared this openly. So I know, I know it's okay to share it, but we were speaking at one of a sweet church in Amarillo. We just love them over there. And right before we were speaking at this marriage night, we had this, like, disagreement. And I can't even remember what it was over something. Can you remember what it was?

Pointless, probably. But we were just so frustrated.

Frustrated and tired and burnt out and.

Yeah. And we were. We were facing some big decisions and we were. We had kind of decision fatigue. We had, oh, major. You know, we were traveling in the midst of. Of kind of still not being through this burnout season.

Yeah.

And travel is exhausting, even if it's fun travel even.

For sure.

And. But anyway, it was a lot of things, and we. It was a great trip and we loved that. That church and we loved that experience. But it just came at a time when we were so tired.

Yeah. And so you can. You can find yourself maybe getting in conflict more than usual. And that is a sign. It's like, oh, I'm not, you know, something's off here, and I'm getting in conflict so much with the people around me. Lack of communication. You. You touched on this. Like, you know, are you retreating constantly where you're like, you know what? Nope, I don't want to answer that text. Nope, I don't want to make that phone call. You know, here's a big sign is if you get a text where someone else needs something from you or. Or especially if it's a text that says, hey, can we talk? And literally everything in your body is like, nope, like, or on guard or like, worn slap out by that. Like, if just a simple text from someone saying, I need this from you, or can we talk? Or whatever. Literally makes you want to go scream into a pillow. You're burnout.

You're burnout.

You're burnout. And we've been there. I mean, we have been there, to be honest with you. And it could be people you love who just need you and you're like, like, I can't take another thing like that. That is a sign of burnout and just feeling overwhelmed. I mean, again, these go hand in hand. You're just like, the littlest thing can overwhelm you. Like having another task just overwhelms you. Or even a sense of resentment. Like, you just resent the task that you already have on your plate and you don't want another one. And you're just resentful of even, like I said earlier, having the energy, like needing to put emotional energy into your marriage, into raising your kids, into your friendships. Like, are you finding yourself retreating because you're like, I just don't have it. Definitely. I would say you're in a, in a burnout phase. And, and you know, why are we talking about this? Because when you're in a burnout phase, the first step to overcoming the burnout phase and defining healing from it, which is important, we need to not stay there. The first step is recognizing it is having, you know, a self reflective moment and saying, I'm in burnout and really pray about it. You know, admit it to God. He already knows, but he wants us to bring it to him. And then as a married person, bring it to your spouse and say, listen, I think I've got, you know, list the symptoms and say, you know, I was listening to this podcast. Maybe you can listen to it as well. Because I really think that I'm burned out and that's why I've not been myself lately. And I would, I just am asking if you come alongside me and like, hold me accountable in finding the rest that I need and maybe taking things off the calendar. I mean, I'll be honest with y'. All. Just days ago, Dave and I were having a talk and I could tell Dave was really like, you were just agitated and you had this one thing on your plate that was supposed to be on the calendar in the future that you did not have.

It was on the calendar, right?

It was on the calendar.

Yeah. And I said that I would do it. And I hate to like ever back out of anything, but you felt so.

Conflicted about it because you were like, I just, I agreed to this, but I think I'm, I'm over capacity. I'm looking at My calendar, it's a good thing, it's a good thing.

But to do that, like, I don't, I don't have it in me to, to do this and to do the planning for it.

And I won't be at my best going there.

And so I'd made the tough call, with Ashley's encouragement to just to say, hey guys, listen, I'm sorry I said that I could do this, but, and I hate to ever back out, but I just know that, that this is too much for me in this season and I wanted to give you as much notice as possible. This is still months in the future. And they understood and were very gracious. And at the moment I was able to remove that from my calendar. Like I just felt he started to come back. I think a lot of our stress is self inflicted. You know, it's saying yes to too many things because, and it's not all bad stuff. It's not like we're saying yes to all this sin. It's just one more thing. You know, we're doing travel ball with the kids. We're doing this activity, that activity, this activity. And we're taking on too much and we need to be able to say no and even model that for our kids, even help them limit their calendar. It's okay, it's healthy. It's important for your kids to have margin in their schedules, to have some nights of the week where there's nothing going on and model that for them. You know, I want to give you guys a free resource before we sign off. Totally free. Ashley and I together at our home church, Stevens Creek church in Augusta, Georgia. The website is stevens with the v stevenscreeekchurch.com we did a message series called Anxious for Nothing. I did the first two in the series and then the third one, which is the best one because Ashley was there. We taught it and it's all about these things about mental health, about what the Bible says about anxiety, depression, burnout, stress, and how to really embrace peace. So not only are we going to continue talking about that here in this podcast, but if you want kind of a deeper dive into those things, especially with what the Bible says about them, go to stevenscreekchurch.com and go to watch messages and you'll see that Anxious for Nothing. And you can listen or watch all of those for free. We got some great feedback from those who've seen those already. And so it's just a free resource we want to share with you guys as well and stick around for the next couple weeks because we're going to continue this very important conversation. I think this is one of the most important series we've done on the podcast in a while, just because I know that so many folks are there. You know, you're there right now. And.

Yeah.

And I'm so glad you've discovered this. And I hope that even this first conversation has been an encouragement to you.

That's right. So definitely come back next week. We're going to talk more about burnout and specifically how to avoid getting into these burnout seasons because, you know, for those of you who are not in the burnout season, we'd love to talk about, well, you know, try to have enough margin in your life not to get there. So we'll talk all about that. Join us next week, and we'll see you next time.

Bye, guys.