Can I Make My Spouse Go to Church? // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day Q and A time. Hump day Q and A. Hump day Q and A.

Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions, so every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in. So here is today's question. It says, I've been attending church steadily for three years with my kids. My husband works on Sunday so he can't come with us, but he feels I'm forcing religion on him. That's not it. I just want us to work together on bettering our relationship. Should I leave him alone and do my own church thing or should I insist that he comes with me? It makes me extremely sad because the kids see it and so many folks are in this same position and we just want to acknowledge the difficulty and frustration of the most important part of your life. Your walk with Jesus, not being at least outwardly a priority to your spouse. And that can feel so alone. Especially when the kids, when you're trying to raise your kids to know and love the Lord and they see one parent that just doesn't seem to care, especially when that parent's the dad. Because, you know, statistics show that, you know, if, if a dad doesn't seem to care or value church attendance or faith, kids are less likely to. If the dad makes it a priority, the kids are much more likely to. And so God puts that kind of unique, I guess, responsibility on the shoulders of us as dads. But in your place as the mom who's working hard to be a spiritual leader, in the void of not having one at home, wondering what do I do? Do I just kind of let my husband do his thing? Do I keep encouraging him, which he takes as nagging? And it's create more of a wedge. And there's a lot we could say about this, but I'm going to just kind of open up the floor for you to hear, not only from me, but I'm the fourth smartest person at this table. So we're going to just hear from others. So guys, what's your encouragement for this faith filled lady who wants a Christian home and a marriage that prioritizes faith, but her husband just isn't there right now? What, what should she be doing? Before you weigh in. But she said her husband works on Sunday, too, though, right? Yeah, yeah, right. That's a little bit of a challenge, too, that he has to go to work. But go ahead, sweetie. It does.

I was going to say yes. So that is a very good. A very good point, I would say, you know, there is this point in their relationship or in couples relationships, where we always will look to our husbands as wives for the leadership. But sometimes the wife may need to be the leader in this, in this position, and may it be sometimes temporary. I think that leading with compassion, leading with love, and just giving all of this to the Lord verbally, just giving this and laying it at the altar at his feet and can be very helpful. And not necessarily maybe coming back to speak to him about it in a negative way may be very encouraging. And just that may be, you know, part of the issue, too, is just the conversation to him may be a little bit hard because he already feels the burden. So it's more focused on her as opposed to, okay, I feel really bad about this. So if she just, perhaps just leads with compassion and love and continues to take it to the Lord, he'll make a way.

I love that.

Yeah.

So true. You have anything else to add, Chris?

No. That's good. That's good.

And I'm glad you pointed out the work thing. I mean, this is a legit, you know, a logistical issue. I mean, and I don't know if he's able to change that or not. There are some jobs where, I mean, it's just a requirement for the job. And I understand that in his mind, he's probably like, well, this is what's required of me at my work. And I'm just trying to provide for this family in the way that I can. And it's probably frustrating to him with that. But I just want to reiterate what Paulette said. I think that nagging, and I'm not faulting this wife, I understand she is frustrated. She's like, I just want our family to follow Christ. Like, I'm doing my part here. Why can't you join me in this? And she's not trying to be a nag. You know, I think that it comes from a place of a good desire. But I do think it's clearly not working. And so where she's saying, like, you know, should I insist that he comes with me? He's a grown man. I would not try to force that. I would encourage him and say, you're always invited. If you are off this Sunday, I'd love for you to come. If your church offers a Saturday service, maybe embrace that because then he's not working. Or maybe if there's a special event at your church, maybe this xo, one of our XO events where it's less intimidating. I think sometimes formal church service, especially for some men who've maybe had a negative experience, it can be so intimidating. And they don't like standing and singing. It just feels like an itchy sweater. It doesn't mean they don't necessarily love the Lord. I mean, we have. We have family members who feel this way. Like, they. They love God, I have no doubt, but they literally. They hate standing up. They hate the formality of a church service. And so I'm just saying, like, I. I don't think we always need to equate someone frustrated with formal church as being someone who doesn't love Jesus. But I do think that church is. It's a place we can go and be with fellow believers and grow in our faith. So I understand this wife's desire to want this for her family. So here's what I would encourage her to do. I think anytime your husband is showing that he is being a leader to your kids and maybe being honorable for someone to look up to, maybe he's doing something that is like Jesus, point that out and tell him and say, you know what? Thank you so much for just, for working so hard to represent that to our kids, you know, that. That just means the world to me. Or. Or thank you so much for showing kindness to me, because I know when the kids see you being kind to me, they see Jesus. And, you know, I. It just warms my heart. I think that just pointing out what God is doing in your own life and. And also what you see in your husband will go a long way to really show him that you believe in him. I think right now he feels a little beat up and like he's missing the mark.

And.

And sometimes. And research has shown too, especially when it comes to men, if they feel like their wife just thinks they're not able to do something or is missing the mark, they kind of stop trying. I mean, I hate to say that, but we've seen that. We have friends who've researched this, and if you can pull out the good things he's doing, he's more likely to keep trying, if that makes sense.

Yeah, that's. That's a great place to start. Focus on the good and keep praying.

Keep.

Yes, there's power in prayer. Pray for him. Let him know that you're praying for him, not in a guilting way, but just like, you know, I pray for you today. I'm so thankful you're my husband, and I thank God for you every day. And through your example, you know, the Bible even talks about this through your example of just living out your faith. That might be the very thing God uses to really kind of win him over to seeing the value and coming to church.

And, and I want to add this real quick, too. Don't underestimate what your kids can do in your husband's heart, because God will use children to draw their parents to the Lord like nothing I've ever seen. I am. I'm. I'm kind of part of that story. I mean, my parents, they, you know, they kind of came to the Lord a little bit later, and a lot of it was through them attending things that I was doing at church or me talking about what Jesus was doing in my life. And so again, what Paulette said about just surrendering it, I know it's really frustrating, and I just commend you too, on still taking your kids to church and on still doing this. You are amazing for doing that. But don't, you know, just remember that God loves your husband even more than you do and has a plan for him. And he is working even when we don't know that he's working, even when we don't see it, man.

So, so good.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day. Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.