Can I Save My Marriage from Addiction? // Hump Day Q&A

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You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's Hump Day Q and A time.

Hump Day Q and A. Hump Day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump Day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram. Aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in. Hey friends, welcome back to Hump Day Q and A. Dave and Ashley here. We are so glad you stopped by midweek to tackle a big question and thank you guys. For those who send in your questions, you can send in your questions@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or even easier, check us out on Instagram at Dave and Ashley Willis. Send a question there. We love getting your questions, comments, encouragements, ideas, suggestions, all of it. So today's question is this. What do I do when I think my spouse has an addiction? And this is an important topic. This is a heavy topic. An addiction can cover a vast range of behaviors from chemical addiction, things like drugs and alcohol, to social media addiction, to sex related addiction, whether it's pornography or, you know, acting out just sexually in specific ways. Any kind of habitual behavior that is hijacking a person's freedom is, is an addiction.

Yeah.

And so what do you do when you feel like your spouse is heading down that road or maybe is already there and you're like, I feel like I need to stage an intervention, but I don't know what to do.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's good that the person wrote in because it is important that as soon as you think there might be maybe something that is, is like you said, habitual. I think that's really a key term, is that this is becoming a habit that is not good. You know, we can have good habits and we could have negative habits, like habits that can be, you Know, really bad for our health, really bad for our relationship. And so I think it's really important when you see that going, you know, your spouse going down that road, I would just really go out of concern and again, use your I statements and, like, I. I'm. I'm worried about, you know, you lately. And if your spouse, if you're coming from that kind of place where it's just talking about how you feel about their behavior, I think it gets them to lean in. And then if they say, well, what do you mean? Why are you worried about me? I'm fine. You could say, well, I've just noticed that you're drinking a lot more lately, or you're on your phone a lot more lately, or, you know, you're working so much lately, I feel like I don't see you as much. And then, you know, tell them how it makes you feel. Like, you know, when you drink too much, it makes me feel disconnected from you. It makes me feel like you don't love me, like you're. You're a different person. I don't feel like I can connect with you like I normally can. Or when you're working all the time, it makes me feel devalued because you're spending more time at work than you are with me. When you're on your phone all the time, it feels like you don't want to spend time with me. Like, your phone is more interesting than I am. And I think that when you're coming from the I statements of, like, well, this is how it makes me feel, it gets your spouse to lean in. And I would say, too, whenever we're addressing an issue with our spouse, we also have to be willing for them to speak into our life because it does open that door. So, like, they may, you know, maybe you're coming to them about, you know, a habit that has become an addiction. And then they might get defensive. Odds are they will. And they might say, well, what about you? You know, you're not perfect. You do this, and you do not. In that moment, it's so in our human nature, we want to go, well, this isn't about me. I'm talking about you, and I'm not that bad. And da, da, da, da, Don't. Don't do that. Instead, go, you know what? You're right. I could really work on that. But right now, can we. Can we please just talk about this? Because I'm really concerned about. About this, and I want to help you. You know, I think that there's places you know, maybe look up some resources beforehand, not to ambush them, but just to have that in your pocket. If they are open in that one conversation. Now, they may not be open to hear that in this first conversation. It's probably going to be multiple conversations. But I would say just start with how you're feeling and then with each conversation get to that point of where they need to go for help.

Yeah, that's really, really good. And if it's a chemical related addiction, there are so many groups out there, you know, like aa, na, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, there are Al Anon groups which are for the family members of those who are struggling. So even if your spouse won't go themselves, you can go and find support in group settings to understand kind of what, what you can do from your perspective. There are a lot of church based groups. Celebrate Recovery is one of the most popular ones. It's a great resource for, as they say, those with hurts, hang ups and habits, which is pretty much every human being to go through individually or as a couple. We're working on new resources here at xo. Our good friend Eric Kennedy is creating a workbook that is tentatively titled Recovery Vow. And I've read the manuscript. It's a powerful resource both for the spouse that is struggling with addictive behavior and the spouse who's trying to support their spouse who's struggling in addictive behavior. So we're working to create more resources because we know so many folks are in this situation. But just know that you're not alone. There is help and hope available. Look into the counseling resources in your community. Look into some of those resources that we mentioned here. Continue to pray, continue to communicate. And yeah, you know, we've seen so many couples work through these. So I know it can feel hopeless at the time, but God's with you in it.

He is. And we'll see you next time. Guys, thank you so much for your questions. Again, if you would like to submit a question, you can do so on our Instagram page, avanashleywillis or akidmarriagepodcast.com we'll see you then. Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day. Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com, you can submit your question right there or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day. Q and A.