Can We Orgasm Together? // Hump Day Q&A

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Burlington dinner.

You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day Q and A time.

Hump day, Q and A. Hump day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online at nakedmarriage or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

This, I think, is probably Dave's favorite question so far. And how could it not be? We're talking about the big O orgasm. How do we both climax? And if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you know we have an entire episode devoted to orgasm that goes into greater detail. But we're gonna talk about that today. How both partners can experience the climax when it comes to sex. Because so many times we hear from people who say, you know, I. I'm just not quite getting there. And my spouse does, but I don't. And my spouse, you know, they're trying, but we're not quite on the same page when it comes to that.

Yeah. And this takes a lot of vulnerability, a lot of patience, and really, again, we keep coming back to this theme of serving each other, of how can I serve my spouse's needs to help get him or her to that point and to whatever is necessary to help make sure that they experience that beautiful moment of fulfillment. And ideally, I think if you put too much pressure on yourselves to think you both have to climax at the exact same time. There are so many factors that are just way out of your control for that to happen. I don't even think that should be the goal. I think that when that happens, it can be just a really cool. Oh, wow, that was amazing. It's kind of like seeing a solar eclipse. Everything just aligns just right. But the bigger goal should be how do we make sure that we both enjoy sex so we both feel connected to one another, that it's a beautiful time of connection, physically spiritually, emotionally, and then both of us climax, we're both satisfied. We're both satisfied, they're both satisfied. There might be some, you know, sometimes where it's just a quickie and one of you just really needs it, and it's just about that one person in that moment. But for just the typical, you know, lovemaking sessions where it's really about both of you, how do you get there? And I think that you have to talk a lot about it. What is feeling good to you? What could I do to kind of help get you there, you there, and to be willing to do whatever. Tell each other, like we said in the past, where and how you want to be touched. If you're a guy and you've got an issue with premature ejaculation, just to get real practical, I think that's an issue sometimes where that's what's keeping the woman from experiencing orgasm, is the guy is just going way too quickly. And there are products and resources and wipes you can get that are kind of desensitizing to help you delay that. So there are resources to help with all of that. If you're a lady and there may be some medical issues or you're not sure why you're not experiencing the orgasm, we have another episode in the past. It's Sexpectations Part 2, where we interview just a really great professional pelvic floor specialist. Yes, I didn't know what pelvic floor was, but it's the group of muscles that are largely connected to the experience of orgasm. And she talks through in just very, very practical and clinical ways of how to experience that if you're not. So there are resources, but you've got to be willing to talk about these things. And you have to make it a goal and a priority for both of you to fully experience and enjoy sex.

That's right. And I think that if one is consistently able to experience an orgasm and the other is not, I think you might need to try new positions. I think that sometimes, especially for women, there's certain positions that really get them there, and there's certain ones that maybe get their husband there but don't really work for them. So, again, just because you're not climaxing at the same time doesn't mean you just stop. You know, if one ends up climaxing early, try another position for the other partner. So that way, you know, you both can be satisfied and just. You have to. You have to be open and honest with each other. And like we said in previous episodes, maybe not in the moment. Cause it could really kill the mood. But really, like later on, maybe after, you know, you've had sex, maybe the next day you just talk about it and say, you know, that was really good. But maybe we could try this position next time. Or maybe we could try this foreplay, you know, beforehand next time. Because I feel like that'll get me more in the mood. Cause as we've talked about a lot through many of our podcasts, it usually takes women a lot longer to get to that point than it does for men. And so, husbands, you have to be patient and be willing to do those other things that get her in the mood. If it comes to foreplay or different positions, you know, you might try several different positions before your wife actually climaxes. But just being willing to do that is showing her that you love her and you want her to be satisfied, too.

Yeah. Yeah. Again, it's an act of serving. It's an act of love, being patient with one another and with making love. More so than most parts of marriage, we have such unique opportunities to either be very, very selfish or very, very selfless. And when we're both being selfless in trying to put our spouse's needs ahead of our own, in those moments, we end up enjoying sex even more as a result. Yeah, we really, really do. And so that's the best kind of sex, is when both of you are making it your mission to maximize the pleasure of the other person, just maximizing your own pleasure and realizing that by allowing your spouse to pleasure you, you're actually also pleasuring them by giving them that experience of experiencing pleasure mutually. So serve each other, be patient with each other, talk to each other, and don't be intimidated. Don't be discouraged when things aren't going exactly as you want them to go. This is a journey, and it's a process. And it's something that you'll get better at with time and then also with time. Sometimes time will reshuffle the deck because of age or health or different situations in life where you have to recalibrate. And so sex is one part of your marriage where you can't get on autopilot. Because what works in one part of your marriage in the bedroom might not work in another. And you've got to constantly keep learning each other, constantly keep communicating. And if you'll do that, then sex can and should be a lifelong gift in your marriage.

That's right. You know, we talked about specifically women. A lot of times, women will write us and they'll say, you Know, I enjoy sex with my husband, but. And we've been married for a long time, and he always climaxes. But these particular wives will say, but I'm not even sure if I've ever experienced, you know, a climax. And I don't. I don't even know if I'm quite enjoying it as much as him because I don't quite get there. And again, this is something to really talk about, but also be willing to talk to your OB GYN about that, you know, because sometimes, you know, there's just things going on in our bodies that we're not even aware of. I know we've talked about extensively about this in the past, if you want to go listen to more specifics. But sometimes your hormones are just completely imbalanced and you need to have a boost of testosterone because men and women both have. We have testosterone and we also have estrogen. Estrogen, yes. I was drawing a blank there. Estrogen. And so we both have different levels of that. And sometimes when a woman feels like she has a low libido and isn't able to climax, it's because her testosterone levels are lower than they should be. And there's things you can do, there's supplements you can take, there's the bioidentical hormone replacement pellets that I've talked about a lot before. And you just have to do your research and find what works for you. And again, this could be in the short term or this could be in the long term. You know, they say for women or for men, they have kind of their sexual prime when they're much younger. But for women, they say that we meet our sexual prime like in our 30s and 40s. And so, again, God has a sense of humor. And so we're hitting prime at different times. But, you know, embrace that and just. Just be willing to help your spouse get the help that they need. Especially if they're feeling like, gosh, I'm never gonna have an orgasm, I don't know what to do. Don't ever make them feel bad. Don't ever act like you don't care. You should care. This is your spouse. You love each other. Sex is something that is meant to be mutually satisfying. So do whatever you can to help them.

Yeah. And make it your mission to make sure that sex is as awesome as it can be for them. As an act of love from you.

Yes.

So again, serve each other. We're gonna keep coming back all summer and beyond because serving each other isn't just a sexual piece of advice. But it's an important piece of advice for every single part of the marriage. And so, yeah, make it your mission to not just enjoy sex, but make it your mission to make sure your spouse is fully enjoying sex. Because you are the only legitimate source of sexual fulfillment on the planet for your spouse. There's no other place that they should go in terms of another person or even in terms of digital resources or counterfeit forms of romance and sexual fulfillment. It's all you. And God designed it that way and so carry that sacred duty and wonderful gift and responsibility well, by saying, I want my spouse to be the most sexually satisfied person on earth because I want to serve their needs in that way and I want to make sure that we're connecting together in that way.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A. Sam.