Can Your Spouse Keep you Accountable? // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day. Q and A time. Hump day. Q and A. Hump day, Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

My husband and I got here. It's just from a woman. Why don't you read it? So it's like it's in a woman's voice.

I will do that.

But you have the best of all voices too.

So you're reading this. I'm glad you think so, sweetie.

Just lovely.

All right. It says, my husband and I got married five months ago. And before we got married, we talked about our struggles with pornography and masturbation. Now into our marriage, we. We are both still struggling despite having an active and great sex life. I always taught that. I was always taught that the opposite sex cannot be your accountability partner. And I'm not sure how that works in marriage now. My husband hides his struggle from me unless I ask him about it. I want us to be open and accountable when we slip back into masturbation. I really appreciate you being so honest about this question. I think a lot of couples, I think a lot of couples struggle with this. And I do understand her question about, you know, when she was a single person or maybe even just dating her soon to be husband, she was told that her accountability partner, you know, should not be someone of the opposite sex. And so she's kind of questioning what now? And I think that's a valid question. But what I would say is, when you marry, my goodness, a husband and wife are the ultimate accountability partners. Accountability partners, right. Yeah. And so definitely talk to each other about that now. You know, it's okay if you have a trusted woman in your life, you know, a very trusted friend who's wise, who, who also, you know, like we always say, they love you, they love God, they love your spouse, and they're for your marriage. Make sure they have all four of those things and you can maybe, you know, trust that person with some of your struggles and ask them to hold you accountable. That would be great. But they cannot be a substitute for your spouse, especially because this is something that affects your spouse. And so you definitely want to be honest with each other. And since it's a struggle that you both share, and obviously it's going to be to varying degrees, it is important that you talk about it and hold each other accountable. And not in an accusing way, but just in a. I want to. I want you to hold me accountable on this because I love you and I don't want to hurt you, and I want to have a thriving marriage and sex life.

So. Good. These are the exact kinds of scenarios, by the way, we talk about so openly in the counterfeit climax.

Yes.

And so I'm just so excited for that to come out, because I think it's going to lead couples through some really great conversations. But just to echo what Ashley said, you know, be that accountability partner for each other. In addition to that, having someone of the same sex, a friend that you can kind of confide in, and just, you know, be able to talk woman to woman or man to man, I think that's healthy, too. It's not either or.

I think it's both would be great.

But talk about everything with your spouse, because secrecy is the very place where, you know, intimacy gets destroyed. You got to stay honest through this struggle, and that honesty will bring you closer together and let your marriage be filled with a lot of grace. But also try to lift each other to that higher standard, to say, listen, you know, this is part of our past, but we don't want this to be part of our present or part of our future. And when we slip up in it, we're going to give ourselves and each other a ton of grace. But we're also going to keep pressing forward to try to get to a place where that's no longer part of our sex life. Because we want. We want just each other to be the sole place where sexual fulfillment really happens. And. Yeah. And keep working toward that.

Absolutely. And here's some very practical steps that you can take. I think when it comes to any kind of habits that you're trying to stop that you know are not affecting, you know, you know that they are negatively affecting you. And they're also infringing on the kind of marriage and sex life that you want to have, you need to make sure that you remove anything that is going to cause. Cause you to fall into temptation. And so if it's certain shows you're watching that aren't technically pornographic, but maybe edge on pornographic, stop watching those shows. Maybe in that. That subscription to whatever that show happens to be on, if it is pornography, make sure that you get a filtration system on all of your devices, we recommend lots of different places. There's Custodio, that's with a Q. That's an app that we have on all of our devices currently, not only just for us, but also for our children. Xxxchurch.com has filtration software, but also they have accountability groups for people who are struggling with pornography and masturbation. I also think it's important to make sure that you pray about this. I think that so many times we're afraid to pray about our sex life or even our sexual habits that we know are not what God would have us do. And we're kind of afraid like. Like God's gonna shy away from it. But the truth is, God created sex. He knows. He knows about our desires, he knows about our bodies, and he's not scared of it. But we need to go to him and say, listen, God, I'm really struggling with this. I'm struggling with lust. I'm struggling with masturbation. Will you help me to take these thoughts captive and to replace them with your truth? And I'm telling you, he will meet you there. But it takes us being mindful enough to really surrender that to him and to really pray about it. And don't only pray about it individually. I would even encourage you both to pray about this together. And that may seem so weird. I know for some people, like, prayer is even more intimate than sex. Like, it's even more intimate. But that's. That's the beauty of it, you guys, because it's. It's the two of you coming together with the Lord, humbling yourselves before him, but also humbling yourselves before one another and saying, like, this is what we're dealing with. We know we're not defined by this. We know we're not even held captive by this, that Jesus is greater. But it's going to take God intervening there to help you, to renew your mind and to help you break that. That bad habit in your life. And so definitely make prayer a huge part of this healing journey. But also keep holding onto hope. I think the fact that you wrote us today shows your strength and shows your wisdom. Um, I just commend you on. On being newlyweds who are willing to be honest about this and recognizing it for what it's. For what it is. We talk about this in the counterfeit climax at greater length, but that is the first step to walking in freedom from this. And so I just. I wanna commend you that you are taking those steps necessary. And I just encourage you to keep listening to this pod as well. If you haven't already, please go back and listen to some of our other episodes. We have many episodes that talk about not only pornography, but sexual baggage, different sexpectations, and how we can talk to our spouse about this, and also how we can be free from some of the shame and the different strongholds we've had in our life. So I just appreciate you for sharing that question with us today, and I really hope that the answer helps you both. Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions, and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram Avanashley Willis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.