Choosing Between Your Spouse and Your Family // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign.

You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day. Q and A time.

Hump day Q and A. Hump day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

It says, hi all. I love listening to your podcast. I used to watch your all's Facebook videos from the van and we saw you at XO in 2016. I have learned so much from you all. My question now is how do I handle feeling like I am taking a backseat to my husband's family? He chose. He has been close to them and he is in constant communication with them. And many times he communicates with them more than me and it leaves me feeling neglected. I can be sharing my heart with him and if his mom or dad or sibling calls, he will ask me to hold on and take the call. I have tried to address it and he doesn't see the problem and gets defensive. I don't want to feel like I am second to his family. How do I address this and where he. He understands or how do I help him to understand how hurt I am because of this?

And let me just say before we dive in, I noticed a lot of body language between Kiwi and Terry that suggests that might have been submitted by one of you two. So why don't you lead off?

I can take the lead right here. We not in that facet, had this problem.

Okay.

I think when a, when a man that obviously has strong parental ties, as I did as well. Yes. Until you separate yourself from being your mother and father's son to having your own family and being married now, your new family is you and your spouse. Right. You have to create that definitive line. And it took a lot of back and forth with us.

And I would tell him, babe, it's in the Bible. When you get married, leave, leave.

It created a lot of communicative issues within our marriage in the beginning. And then through wisdom from our pastor team and just my own revelation and reading those scriptures and actually contemplating it and really thinking about it, I had a very long conversation with both of my parents that, hey, look, I have a new family now. I'm still your son.

That's hard.

I'm still your Son.

Yeah. Okay. Still love you.

I love you. Yeah.

But, you know, my wife's needs and my new family have to take precedence now. And it's what you've grown and instilled in me, so that's what I've grown up to be. You should be happy and joyful that your son is this strong Christian man.

I love that he said that because I hope, I know the wife wrote this and is hoping to help her husband see this. So definitely, I want to hear from Kevi in just a minute, but I want to point out that what he did is biblical because the person whose family is the one who's trying to take more time, really, than they should be taking, it has to be that, that child, so to speak, who's talking to them. It needs to come. If it's your parents, you need to be the one talking to them because you're their child and you got to level with them and you've got to make those boundaries. I think what you're doing is setting healthy boundaries.

It doesn't have to be an ugly conversation of, I'm doing this.

Yes.

You know, it should be a very mild, mild mannered discussion of, you know, this is what you've raised me to be. Now I'm being that man.

And I love that. That, that's huge.

I'm so proud of him.

Because years ago, it's not like, I.

Mean, it was a learning curve.

It was, it's not like that. And I, I, I understand that writer because I tried to explain to him, but sometimes he thinks differently. Like, he think that that's the right thing to do. And me, no, it's not the right thing to do. So sometimes you need to have somebody to come into and, like, be the referee.

Right? Like another, another kind of neutral person, so to speak, who's not part of that family. You know, either side, you realize that.

In, in your, as everybody's Christian walk grows every single day. And, and as you take that quiet time and you actually analyze all sides, that's huge. You know, you, this, this husband needs to separate himself. Right? Go and have some quiet time and really think about it. And I'm sure he'll come to the same realization I did.

And that's a good example of a cultural difference that can exist.

Mom, I still love you. But, yes, I have a wife now, and I need to take care of my wife. It doesn't mean, actually, our relationship with my parents has grown tremendously.

And see, that's good, because I think a lot of times, we convince ourselves that setting boundaries means cutting off relationship. But in fact, those healthy boundaries can cultivate a healthier relationship.

Healthier relationship. And that's our goal, guys. If we do things God's way, every relationship in your life ultimately benefits. There might be seasons of discomfort, but every relationship can thrive with those boundaries, regardless of the culture, regardless of where you came from. If you'll just say, God, I want to do things your way. I want you to reshape my mind. And if there's anything in my culture, if there's anything in my thought process, anything in my heart that is not in line with your word and what you want from my life, then I pray that you would come in and correct it.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.