Daily Habits for Spiritual Health

This holiday season, there's no better place to get cozy holiday gifts for all your people than Aerie. From soft sweaters to everyday intimates and activewear, Aerie has the comfiest pieces made for the real you. And don't forget to treat yourself too, while you're at it. You've earned it. Find your nearest aerie store or shop online@aerie.com Give Love Real.

Hello and welcome back to the Naked Marriage Podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast we address the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. And I am so excited about this episode. Today we're continuing in our series called Naked and Healthy, which is based on our new book that is out this week releasing this week.

It's finally here it's birthday.

And the book, it's called Naked and Healthy. And you can get your copy@nakedandhealthy.com that's right.

You can also, if you want the audiobook, if you like listening to us, you want to hear us narrate Naked and Healthy, which was a lot of fun, you can get that on Amazon on Audible, and we really appreciated the opportunity to be able to record that together. And we're really excited about the message of this book. And I think it has a real opportunity to make an immediate impact in all aspects of health in your marriage, the health of your marriage itself, and then also your individual health mentally, physically and spiritually. And so we've got a great topic for you today that's kind of right in line with the whole Naked and Healthy message. And let's dive in.

Well, I'm excited about this topic today because I feel like this might be one of the most important aspects of becoming a healthier person and a healthier couple. And that is our spiritual life. How to have, you know, how do we invest in our spiritual health on a daily basis?

Yes. And I think we as human beings tend to way over complicate this. It's a big part of our new book, Naked and Healthy. It's kind of broken up into mental health, physical health, spiritual health, and then marriage health is woven all throughout it. But our spiritual health is a cornerstone of what God wants for our life. But our world has taken that word spiritual and made it mean all these different mystical, strange things. So people think that being spiritual or having spiritual health means like sitting on top of a mountaintop in Tibet doing yoga, you know, with goats wandering around you and like, you know, mumbling these ritual chants. And that spiritual means something like that is not part of your Everyday life where God wants the spiritual to constantly intersect with the physical and with all. Everything that we do. Jesus came to Earth to live that out. I mean, he showed us that every part of life is spiritual. And so having daily habits that feed your soul in a healthy way is something that God designed for you. It's part of living the life that he has for you. First and foremost, it means believing in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, putting your hope and faith in him, because he's the only road to salvation. He's the one who is the way to heaven. And he came to this earth on a rescue mission for you.

And.

And he came to not just give you a religious system. He came to give you a relationship with God that's possible every moment of every day. It's not something that you have to just go to a church to experience, even though going to church regularly, the Bible tells us, is an important part of ongoing spiritual health. But what Jesus wants for you is to give you a full and abundant life, the Bible says. And that means every part of your life is impacted by the spiritual health that he wants to bring to you. And so in this episode, we're gonna talk a little bit about just practical ways that you can invest in that individually and as a couple.

Yes. And so, you know, one of the first ways to invest in your spiritual health is to read the Bible. And it's as simple as that. But again, just like Dave was just saying, I think we complicate that.

We do.

I think, you know, we can say, yes, I'm a Christian, yes, I know some of the Bible, but I don't know if I need to read the Bible on a daily basis. But I'm gonna tell you, and there's seasons where I've done this right, and I've really dug in daily in the Bible. And there's other seasons where it's been, like, you know, like a couple times a week. And then sometimes, like, I'm so busy, you know, and so I can tell a distinct difference when I am daily in the Word as opposed to when I'm not.

Oh, yeah.

And I love it. And, you know, there's so many apps out there today that help make this very, very easy. And, you know, one of the apps that I use is the Bible app, the YouVersion. There's also Bible Gateway app. There's something called where you take the first five minutes of your day and read the Word. It's done by Proverbs 31 and Lisa Terkers and her team. It's awesome. And so we very easily, as human beings, we wanna make excuses. But we live in a day and age where really there's really no excuses. I mean, not to make anybody feel guilty, because I've been totally guilty of not making it a priority. But we have so many resources right at our fingertips. And so one thing I've been doing lately is on the youversion Bible apple. I go and I just pick out different little Bible studies. Like recently I did a Beth Moore Bible study of her most recent book. I think it's called Chasing vines. And it took me probably 10 minutes to go through and read a little bit from her book. And then she includes these extensive verses and I just kind of meditated on those. And what does it mean to meditate? It means you really think on it. And then I would say a prayer. And this would be towards the beginning of my day. I mean, not always right after I wake up, but usually after we got the kids on the bus and I would take that moment and it makes all the difference. You know, before that, I did a different Bible study. There's all kinds you can choose from. They're topical. You know, you can take the books that we offer here at exomarriage and you can go through some of those daily. And the Bible verses that we include in our resources, there's so many. If you wanna check that out@xomarriage.com I mean, just a long, long list of resources. But the bottom line of what I'm saying here is we have to make it a priority. We wanna get in the word, we wanna meditate on it and then say a prayer. And when you start your day with prayer and with reading the Bible, it's amazing how it just does good for your heart and your soul, and it helps keep your mind on God and all the things he has for you.

Yeah, it really, really does. And it doesn't have to be long and drawn out. Like you carve out 10 or 15 minutes at the start of your day to just have that quiet time, just have a few moments of just silence to reflect on God's goodness, to pray to him, which is just simply talking to your father, saying, lord, thank you for everything in my life. And asking him to help you with the things that are on your mind and your heart and confessing to him things that you're struggling with. He knows all this already, but he wants to hear from you. And it does your heart good to do that. And then opening up God's word and maybe reading the Bible is intimidating. But like Ashley talked about, there are apps and plans that can help you get started. That YouVersion app has a lot of free devotionals that, you know, you could read in a couple minutes a day that really help explain scripture. It's a great way to start. You might build up to doing something like the one year Bible where you read through the whole Bible in a year and every day the reading plan is kind of marked out for you. Maybe you know you're listening to a podcast, so maybe you're more of an audio person. So much of the Bible through the years was handed down by teaching it, reading it out loud, and people would get it that way. There were many years where the majority of believers weren't even literate. They were getting the Bible by being read to. Well, whether you can read or not, some of it's just approach, we just do better with audio. There's audio Bibles you can read for free. There's podcasts that do nothing but just read scripture every day that you can tune into for that. So there are all kinds of ways to get God's word in your heart and the more of God's word that you put inside your mind, inside your heart, the Bible tells us that it's going to be a source of spiritual food and spiritual health. You know, Romans 12:2 says, don't conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you'll be able to test and approve what God's will for you is. His good, pleasing and perfect will. And what that verse means is when we allow our minds to be renewed, which is what God's word does, it chases out kind of all the negativity and anxiety and worry that this world is so good at putting into our minds and it replaces it and it renews our minds with thinking and seeing ourselves in the world around us the way God wants us to, which is a huge aspect of spiritual health. And so spiritual health isn't just putting the right things in, but also it's about keeping the wrong things out. And I know I've got to be mindful of this because if I just feed on trash TV for very long or get pulled into shows that are binge worthy, but then at the same time are just kind of celebrating and depicting lifestyles that are very contrary to what God has for us, or if I'm watching even the news for too much and there's all the negativity of the news, I find myself just feeling weighed down. By all that. And I think that we've got to be so mindful of what we're consuming, because what we're putting into our brains, what we're putting into our eyes and ears, it has a real impact on the health of our soul. And so more of God's Word, more good things, like the podcast you're listening to now, because we base this on God's Word, you're doing something right now to put something healthy in your mind that's gonna help your marriage and your soul at the same time. And so throughout the day, throughout the week, just be mindful of what am I consuming, where am I allowing my thoughts to be led? And maybe some new habits will form just by monitoring and adjusting and turning back to things that are more healthy.

Absolutely. And I think, too, another thing that really helps me, and I know Dave loves this, too, and we actually started our day today with this, but is putting on worship music. Putting on worship music to start your day, it just, like, fills up your soul. And I love it. And I don't always do it every day, but on the days that I do, and whether it's, like, at your home or in your car, and it's just. It's awesome, and it gets you really focused on God. You know, maybe it's not necessarily on your phone. Turn on a Christian radio station, and, you know, a lot of times, too, they'll pray with you on there. And it's just. It's awesome. It's an awesome way to really focus your mind on worship. And maybe even if you're by yourself or with your spouse or whatever, I mean, you can sing along. There's just something that worship does to just have us enter into, you know, just a holy place. It's amazing what it does for our mind and heart, and it connects us with the Lord and other believers. And. And so I love it when we put on worship music. You know, a lot of times when we're on trips, we'll do it, and we'll have our kids with us, too. And I'll be singing at the top of my lungs. And Dave says he likes it. I mean, I love it. I don't know if he does. I love Dave, but he indulges me. But my kids, they're like, mom, you're getting a little loud there. But it just. I love it. Like, it's such a. It's just such a way. For me personally, I know for some it resonates more than others, but worship music, it really, really uplifts My spirit. And it really helps me feel connected to God.

And I love hearing you sing it. Cause I know that you're happy when you're singing. And I also just. I love seeing you worship. And it's so easy to get this kind of music. I mean, you can just say, hey, Alexa, play Christian music. You know, hey, Siri, play worship music. There are stations on, you know, Amazon Music, on every, you know, radio app and every streaming app where you can find Christian and worship music. And it's really, really good. I mean, maybe 30 years ago, the options were limited and it was kind of cheesy what was out there. But it is so good the way that it's produced, just the level of excellence that goes into producing today's Christian and worship music. It's so good. And you might think, well, I listen to this other music, but I don't really pay attention to the words. And so I like the sound of it. But those words, whatever you listen to a lot, becomes the soundtrack of your life. Those words are permeating into your mind, and you're memorizing those lyrics and humming them to yourself. And. And so if you're.

Just be mindful.

Be mindful. You know, I mean, I like plenty of secular music, too. I'm not trying to shake my finger at you like a crotchety old church curmudgeon. That said, that's all the devil's music, you know, because there's some good stuff out there. Really good stuff out there.

We like a wide variety.

We have a wide variety. But you have to be careful. Cause a lot of the stuff that shoots up the charts in our secular world is stuff that just glorifies the wrong things. And if we're not careful, we'll find ourselves singing the words worship music of the world. That's just singing along, worshiping sexual immorality and worshiping a lot of things that are not of God, that aren't gonna help our spiritual health at all. And so, again, just be mindful.

Yes, Black Friday Savings are here at the Home Depot, which means it's time to add new cordless power to your collection. Right now, when you buy a select battery kit from one of our top brands like Ryobi or Milwaukee, you'll get a select tool from that same brand for free. Click into one of our best deals of the season and stock up on tools for all your upcoming projects. Get Black Friday Savings happening now at the Home Depot. Limit one per transaction exclusion supply full eligible tool list in store and online.

This episode is brought to you by indeed. Stop waiting around for the perfect candidate. Instead, use Indeed sponsored Jobs to find the right people with the right skills. Skills fast. It's a simple way to make sure your listing is the first candidate. C. According to Indeed data, Sponsored Jobs have four times more applicants than non sponsored jobs. So go build your dream team today with Indeed. Get a $75 sponsored job credit@ Indeed.com podcast. Terms and conditions apply.

You know, one of my favorite daily spiritual practices that Dave and I embrace as a couple. Cause, you know, we've talked a lot about individual daily spiritual practices, but as a couple, we pray together every day. And I love that. And I know we've talked a lot about that on the podcast, but I wanna camp out on this for just a minute because I do think that, you know, a lot of you listening, you're like, I totally am prayer all the way. But I just don't know if I could pray with my spouse because it feels weird or, you know, I don't know what to say. You know, I just feel like I'm gonna say the wrong thing. And I get that because prayer is a very vulnerable act. You know, when you're praying out loud with someone, it is a very vulnerable act. And it can be a little scary when you feel like, oh, I don't know the Bible as much as they do, or maybe I'm not good with words like they are. But honestly, when we're thinking those thoughts, we're thinking the wrong things. Because prayer is really just talking to your dad. It's talking to the one who created you, the one who loves you more than anyone else on this earth, and the one that brought you to your spouse. And so it's so important to make that a priority, to not only pray on your own, but. But you take it to a next level when you and your spouse pray together. And again, don't overcomplicate it. Don't think it has to be a certain length or you have to use language you wouldn't actually say on a daily basis, like use normal language. But just start out with thanking God for all he's done for your spouse that you're praying with, for your family that he's given you, for the job he's given you, the life he's given you. And then tell him what you need. Ask him, say, lord, help me in these different areas of my life. And then, you know, just again, you know, confess anything that is on your mind and heart that, you know, maybe you've any sin in your life. Or anything that you need to work on, and then end it again by thanking him. And I'm telling you, when you get out of that prayer with your spouse, you're gonna not only feel closer to God, but you're gonna feel closer to one another. And I always say this too, and you're probably gonna get tired of me saying this on the podcast, but if you and your spouse are in a really tough season where, you know, maybe nothing catastrophic has happened, but you're just feeling a little bit resentful, a little heaviness between the two of you, and you're not talking as much anymore, I wanna challenge you this week to start praying together once a day. It could take you five minutes. But I wanna challenge you. And by the end of the week, I know that your hearts will be softer towards each other, because that's what God does. Because when we pray with our spouse, we humble ourselves before the Lord, but we also humble ourselves towards our spouse. And God does something amazing. He may not change our circumstances right away. He might. Sometimes he does, but what he usually does is he changes our hearts. He makes our hearts softer, and he gives us a new perspective that is more focused on him and his will for our life. And so I really challenge you to do that because it's a game changer. And it's a very simple, simple act, but a very powerful act.

It is. It's so powerful. And we don't have to overcomplicate it. I think most things in life that are healthy that we don't do, we don't do them because we over complicate them. We have to have these magical spiritual words. It's like your Heavenly Father's with you all the time already, and he sees it all. He sees it all.

You can be so. He loves us.

He's so real with him. Just be so real. But just by talking to him, it does something to open up our heart to all that he wants to give us and make us feel that connection to him even stronger. And it opens up us to be able to receive the leading of the Holy Spirit. And there's just so much good that comes from it. And so. So do it. Do it more. And you'll be. You might be amazed at the positive that happens as a result. So, you know, one other aspect that we've mentioned already that's I think an important aspect of spiritual health is finding spiritual community.

Oh, yeah.

And we all need that. You know, the Bible says, don't get out of the habit of meeting together. We need each other. We need community. And so God's plan for that is fulfilled through the church. And, you know, find a church that. Where you. You're getting healthy Bible teaching and where you can serve. You can use your gifts to serve other people, which is another aspect of spiritual health. We put our gifts into action through serving others and then have community. The Bible says, like as iron sharpens iron, one person sharpens another. We need to be around people who sharpen us, and we can sharpen them. We need to be around people who can provide encouragement and prayer and accountability. God's solution to almost every problem in life is fulfilled within community, within God, community of the church when it's done right. And so find that if you don't have it, find a small group within that church so you're not just a face in the crowd. Find people you can serve alongside, people that you can do life with and those kinds of friendships that are rooted in faith. And it's okay to have friends that aren't Christians, but you need to have a core group of people who share your faith that can motivate and strengthen you in your faith and be praying for you as you're praying for them. We all need that. I mean, Jesus had that. Jesus chose an inner circle of people he was doing life with. They were called his disciples. But all of us need that circle of friends and community around us. And without it, we're on an island by ourselves. And because so many people live on that island, even couples live on an island where you're surrounded by people, but nobody really knows you and you don't really know anybody. And God wants more for us than that. He wants us to be rooted in community with people who love us and know us, and we can do the same for them. And so find a church where you can experience that. And if you try a church and it isn't the right fit, don't give up, you know, keep working until you can find a place where you really get rooted, you know?

Absolutely. And I know it can be awkward, and I know there's been a podcast in the past where we talked about this, like, where it's sometimes awkward when you are trying to forge these new friendships and you're maybe trying to find mentors. We talk a lot about marriage mentors, especially. There can be marriage mentors. And ideally there'll be people who are also spiritual mentors in your life who can help draw you closer to the Lord as well. That's a very healthy practice to have and to also become A mentor. What's ideal is when you have a mentor who's pouring into you and then you also are mentoring someone else and pouring into them. That's kind of taking it into the next level. But I think it's just so important that we do things that sometimes do get us out of our comfort zone. And I know for me, maybe, I think it was probably a year and a half ago I wanted to join a Bible study and I was gonna do this virtual Bible study. This is pre pandemic. But I was like, you know what, I'm not just gonna do this online Bible study. I'm gonna invite people that I don't really know that well to come into our home and be part of this Bible study. And this Bible study did have a daily practice of doing like a short study every day. And then we'd come together once a week and talk about it. And let me tell you all, it was really awkward. And I kind of made excuses at first. I was like, oh, they're too busy, they won't wanna do it. They don't really know me that well. They're probably just gonna be weirded out that I invited them. And Dave was like, you cannot say no for people. What's the worst thing that can happen? Maybe they all say they can't come. Oh, well, you know, those aren't your people. That's okay, you know, I mean, you can wish him well. And I was like, well, this is probably gonna really hurt my heart. And he's like, sweetie, you don't know if you don't try. And so I did and almost everybody said yes. And it turned out to be this really sweet time, didn't it?

I mean, it was like great friendships of our shrine.

It was such a neat six week study. And actually the last week of it was the week that everything shut down. But I am so thankful that I had that Bible study right before the whole world changed with COVID 19. Because I felt like spiritually boosted, you know, going into that. And it was just, it was so good. We were doing the Lisa Turker study called Trustworthy. I highly recommend it. Just about trusting God. I mean, how ironic that it's about trusting God. And I know it's not by accident that we were doing that, but then after everything shut down, I wanna just say this real quick. I know we're in unique times and many of us are still kind of our communities are shut down. There are so many ways to still connect with people. And one of the apps that I discovered during the pandemic is called Marco Polo. And what I love about it is that you basically with people who have your phone number, so this is like your inner circle. You can send messages, like video messages where it's like FaceTime, but it's recorded and you send them back and forth. And so it's kind of on your own time. And then you can respond with emojis and then respond in the time that is convenient for you. But these girls in this Bible study, several of them I still Marco Polo with. And it has just been awesome. It's like I get so giddy just sending the little messages. I was yesterday with one of my friends, Sarah and I, I just love it. Cause I can see their face, I can see what's going on in their life and they can share with me and we can still stay connected and actually pray for each other. And it's been a really powerful tool to build that community of your brothers and sisters in Christ. So I highly recommend it.

Yeah. And the takeaway there is, as I heard a pastor once say, biblical community isn't found, it's forged.

It's forged.

And I think people think, well, you're just gonna stumble into community one day. But you don't find it.

It rarely happens.

You have to forge it. You have to work. You know, Ashley made a group, she put the work in to say, you know what, I haven't found a group. So I'm going to make my own group and I'm going to invite these other ladies who were all just as hungry for community as she was.

Very hungry.

But all of them had to step out of their comfort zone to do that. And it was so meaningful for all of them. So look for ways not only to find that kind of community, but to forge it, to make it even. To be the one to say, I'm going to open up my home, I'm going to host a six week study, or I'm going to do something to kind of create that kind of community. Well, now is the time in the podcast and it's usually my favorite time in the podcast. It's where we get to answer one of your questions. So thank you guys. For those who've been sending in questions@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or writing us on Instagram avanashleywillis or on Facebook, wherever you find us, we appreciate you writing to us. Today's question is an important one. It says this. My husband thinks I'm controlling him because I've informed him that I don't feel comfortable with him having one on one lunches with the opposite sex. And I've asked him to stop. He's been secretive about this relationship. How can I explain to him my reasoning for asking him to stop? Well, it's a great question. This is actually something we've talked about in the past with opposite sex friendships and relationships. So here's the deal. There are all kinds of red flags in your husband's behavior. First and foremost, being secretive about anything in marriage is incredibly toxic. Being secretive about connecting with a person of the opposite sex is an all out emergency. If we are ever hiding text messages, hiding meetings, hiding correspondences with someone because we don't want our spouse to know that we're having these correspondences, man, we are on the fast track to destruction. It might not be a full fledged affair at this point, but it is so far out of bounds. And for him to be justifying it or for anyone to be justifying that kind of secretive one on one correspondence with someone of the opposite sex is so destructive. So you say. I don't know how to explain my reasoning to ask him to stop. Just have him tune into this and let me say it. Dude, you are being a fool. You are being reckless and selfish and you've got to cut off this relationship. Now I know some people are in work situations where it's a little more complicated because your work involves having to have one on one meetings with the opposite sex. This isn't like a discretionary thing. This isn't a you're going out of your way to have lunches and coffees with someone. It's like you're having to meet with clients. That's a different kind of scenario. But even still, I think that when we're around someone of the opposite sex in any kind of one on one setting, we have to be beyond reproach. We have to make sure there's multiple levels of accountability. We have to make sure that we're putting ourselves in a position where we can't be tempted or talked about, where we're making sure that we're protecting the sacredness of our marriage and showing respect to our spouse and also showing respect to this person of the opposite sex whether they're married or not, just so that no boundaries are crossed. And I think that this is one thing that really separates a healthy marriage from an unhealthy one. In a healthy marriage, people are so mindful of these things and saying, I don't want to have any correspondence you don't know about. I don't want to meet with people of the opposite sex unless it's an absolute necessity for work. And even then I want to make sure that it's done in a way that is, you know, there's a lot of accountability there and visibility there. For anybody to be voluntarily investing in a one on one relationship of the opposite side, sex outside of marriage. And especially if there's any secretiveness happening with that, that is absolutely destructive and can unravel the entire marriage. So I would say if he won't stop this, then I would insist on some kind of Christian marriage counseling where a third party can get involved and help reason with your husband. Because what he is doing is it goes against everything that we teach at the Naked marriage, which is about honesty, transparency, intimacy as God designed it, you know?

Absolutely. And I think, you know, she asked specifically, how can I explain to him my reasoning for asking him to stop? I would say, you know, listen, I'm asking you to stop, not to control you, but because I love you and I love our marriage and I don't want this to ruin our marriage and our family. I want to fight for our marriage. And I see this as a huge red flag because, you know, you're wanting to be secretive about these conversations. And I feel like you're giving this lady a piece of your heart that really I wanna have. Cause I wanna have your whole heart. And I'm saying this out of concern and love for you, because this isn't you. This isn't the man that I married. And I think that you've been led astray here. And I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and hoping that nothing's happened so far. But I want you. I want all of you. And not to control you, but to love you wholly and Holy being W H O L L Y and just being there for you in every way and just making sure that you don't fall into something that I know you never probably set out to fall into. And so, you know, these things do happen. It's not usually, you know, when these inappropriate relationships happen, it's not just one decision. It's a lot of little small decisions that lead to this. And so, you know, you're at this point where he needs to turn away as fast as he possibly can and cut off all contact with this woman. And so I do hope that he tunes into this. We're saying this out of love too, because let me tell you, any of us can fall for this. Any of us can fall for this temptation. And that's why we have to be so vigilant. We're not saying this as being judgmental. We're saying this because we have seen this happen to so many people that we know and love and we see what happens when they do eventually fall into a full fledged affair and just the wreckage that comes from that. And we wanna save ourselves from that. We wanna save you from that because we know that we're all vulnerable to it if we're not being really intentional. So I really appreciate you as the wife for reaching out. And please know that we are praying for you all and anybody else listening who's in this situation. Make sure you're having those hard conversations and letting your spouse know I'm not trying to control you. I love you and I don't want anyone or anything to come between us and our marriage.

Yeah, that is so true. And when I called him a fool, you might think, oh, well, that sounded judgmental. That's actually a biblical word.

We can all be fools.

Primarily in the book of Proverbs. I've actually got a new devotional called Think Like Jesus out about the Book of Proverbs.

It's amazing.

Well, thank you. And Proverbs talks about the difference between a wise person and a fool. And your husband's actions right now are undoubtedly biblically foolish in every sense of the word. And so to learn more about what wisdom looks like in and out of marriage and how to not be a fool, you can check out that Think Like Jesus devotional which is available@xomarriage.com along with our Naked and Healthy book, which has its own website@nakedandhealthy.com but thank you for this question. Thank you for listening to today's podcast. Thanks for subscribing and leaving reviews and for all that you listeners do to really partner with us on this mission of spreading spreading an important message to strengthen faith and strengthen marriages all over the world. We love and appreciate you. We'll see you next time.

Bye Bye.