Dealing with intolerances In Marriage with Stefanie and Caleb Rouse

Hello, and welcome back to the Naked Marriage Podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And, you guys, we have some friends back in the studio today, and Dave's gonna tell you who they are.

I'm so excited because Caleb and Stephanie Rouse are here, and we interviewed them once before via Zoom.

Yes.

And this is way better. We're here in the studio, South Lake, Texas, the marriage capital of the world, with our great friends who are just a gift to all who know them.

They really are.

You know, certain people light up a room when they walk in. Well, Caleb and Stephanie Rouse are like two giant spotlights of golden sunshine that just pour into a place. And they. They're using their influence to really just bring hope and healing and encouragement all over the place. And we're just going to talk. We're just friends hanging out and invite you guys to sit along for the conversation because they've got so much wisdom, and we're going to have a fun time. So, Caleb and Stephanie, welcome to the podcast.

Welcome back.

Thank you, Dave. My heart is overflowing.

Yeah.

Thank you, guys. So is mine, like, in the flesh? Yes. I think that's the cool thing about this. It's just being here together and spending time with you guys again.

Yeah.

Excited. So thank you, man, for having us.

We love it.

We love you guys, so.

We do.

So tell us, what is life looking like right now? Now, right. I mean, just like, right now in this season. What's new? What's exciting? What's a struggle? You just tell us what's happening.

Wow.

I love that. Yeah, it's. God's been doing some cool things, and something that happened recently that was probably one of the favorite things that when we looked at each other, we said, this is probably one of the favorite things we've ever done in our ministry is we had a mastermind retreat. We called it Wholehearted Love Mastermind Retreat. And we rented this house, and it was like a mansion in Temecula. And it was women from all over the world that have been in one of our programs, and we have courses, and they came out and came for three days, and just God was, like, just so present, just seeing God encounter each of them, and it was just the most incredible experience ever.

It was like heaven on earth.

Wow.

It was amazing. And it was in Temecula, California, and there was only one girl. So the seven girls, we opened seven spots, and two months before we even announced it, we were like, we're just going to do it. You know, like everyone says, when you want to start something, you just got to do it.

Just do it.

So we put it out there. All the spots filled within a week.

Just to our little community. We didn't share on social media at all.

And we hosted in California. And only one girl was from California. The rest were from like Australia, New Zealand. Never even been to the United States. And came for like this event. And it was just like God showed up in a major way. It was so powerful.

Sisters and just met them each where they were at. He specifically wanted each of them there and each of us there for a reason. And just getting to have all these sessions, worship and just encountering the wholehearted love of God and then that wholehearted community of being just in that fellowship was so good. So that was one recent thing.

Yeah, yeah. And just a lot of I guess, like open doors and possibilities and fun things I guess on the horizon for us and just getting settled back into Pittsburgh and getting into the groove.

Coming up, doing some apple picking, pumpkin picking. It's like all the fall vibes.

I'm so jealous right now, I'm telling you.

Yeah, it's been like 65 and just like that crisp, the leaves are starting to change. So we've been. We just got a little kitten. So. Yeah, just like a week ago. So he got me this sweet little.

It's a Scottish fold, so it has like the folded ears all the time, like down.

So cute.

It looks like a baby leopard. So I think I saw.

Did you all post about this? I feel like I saw this.

Yes. I love it.

Yes.

That is so fun. And I mean, you're literally, you're getting all the fall cozy things between the apple picking the pumpkins and now a cat in your home, a little kitten.

I mean, it's so cozy.

It's awesome.

That's like a Hallmark movie. You guys are living a Hallmark movie.

Yes, you are.

You're in one of those beautiful towns that just.

It is. It's. I'm telling you, you're in the place to be in the fall. It's glorious. It's just glorious. I love that.

It's our definitely favorite time of year there. I think it's beautiful.

Incoming fall content for sure. Like all the leaves and everything.

Well, I will be one watching every bit of it. We love Georgia. Like, we love where we live, but we don't get a true fall. Like, at least where we are in Georgia. Like north Georgia probably does, you know, up in the mountains, but we just. We just don't I mean, if there is some, like, color change. We're so excited, right, sweetie? We're like little kids. But we don't get the Pennsylvania fall.

We don't.

That's all right. That's all right. We can live vicariously through your.

Right.

That's right.

And we're glad you guys get it. And you guys, for those of you watching, they are representing fall. Y' all could be, like, fall models. I mean, it's the best.

It's so, like, the sweater and you.

Got the shacket going on. I love it.

See, I'm usually like, how Dave is where I'm wearing, like, all, like, dark or black. Like, it's very rare that I'm in colored, like, outfits. So this is. It's a thing.

Black hides love handles. It's more that than fashion. I'm with you, brother Caleb, as soon as you walked in, I've been craving pumpkin spice latte. As soon as I saw you, I'm like, crave this.

I know, right?

Exactly.

Get the taste in your mouth.

Yeah, I know.

It's like, I just.

I can feel it. Part of what I want to talk to you guys about, because we were talking about it, and I thought, you know what? We've never had this conversation on the podcast. We know so many couples who. They have different dietary needs, they have different dietary restrictions, and, you know, just a very practical aspect of marriage is serving each other in that and learning to navigate that. And right from the beginning, the beginning of your story, that's something that you two have been navigating. Caleb, you've even had the move of bringing something that you knew she could eat on the very first date. So tell us a little bit about how all that unfolded. Stephanie, I know you've got some dietary restrictions, and Caleb, how you went into that world and how you're navigating that together.

Yeah, for sure. Well, I will note that Stephanie is by far my dream girl. So when I first met Stephanie, I was willing to do anything to get in. I was like, okay, I gotta get in with this girl. I gotta make her like me and then be a vegan.

Sure, yeah, whatever, right?

And we would go to, like, places after church, and she, like, as, like, a group, and we go to these food places, which was all food I could eat, which was really bad for you. But I noticed Stephanie would never eat. And I'm like, huh, what's the story with this? And I kind of found out that she was allergic to gluten. And I was like, what is That I know that wasn't even, like, on my radar if that. That would been like, I don't know, Saturn or Jupiter in my galaxy, you know, like, way out. And I was like, okay, what does that mean? And so when we. When I asked her out, I was like, I gotta find something gluten free. And I'd heard her talk about these chocolate covered almonds from Trader Joe's, and I was like, I'm gonna grab those and bring them on the first date. And I showed up super overdressed, but also with my, like, chocolate covered almonds. And she. She smiled immediately.

Yeah. It was so intentional. And I had no idea he had even heard me talk about that. I don't even remember because I love them. And I don't know if we were or if you overheard me talking, but just that intentionality of just bringing that gift was so sweet. And then I was. He took me to a gluten place that had gluten free options, which it was a place I had no idea had gluten free options. So my heart dropped when I learned it was actually at Buca di Beppo.

Oh, I love it.

Yes.

I didn't know. I figured they didn't. I never had looked up that they had gluten free options. So it was in Pasadena, where we live. So we walked there and I was like, oh, goodness. And he's like, oh, I checked, and they have a lot of gluten free options. And then that became something that we would go to for an anniversary or something, you know, because it was our first date and we had that. The meal that we had there, the salmon and capers and the different things.

Oh, that sounds amazing.

Yeah. He never, I don't think had salmon before that.

No, I hadn't.

That's special for both of you.

Yes. Right. And I feel like I had called like 12 different restaurants to try to figure this out because I just had no idea. And when we found it, I just began this, like, learning experience. And I would say it's definitely a thing of, like, intentionality. Just like with anything else in marriage, it takes, like, really, you know, figuring out what's. I don't know, the deal with this person, what's going on, what are the struggles they're having, and then how can I meet that? Like you were saying Dave earlier. And it definitely comes with mistakes. So, like, that's the other thing.

But the thought counts a lot.

Yes, it does.

And really, that's all romance is. I think sometimes we guys especially, we get intimidated by that word romance. Like, I have to learn French poetry. I have to do that. When really romance is just another word for intentionality.

Yes.

Thoughtfulness.

I'm gonna be thoughtful. I'm gonna be intentional. And all of us can do that. And you were right in the book on how to do that in such a practical, meaningful way. So anybody that's listening and you've got a spouse that has some dietary restrictions, instead of saying like, well, you're on your own, you know, follow this couple's playbook because they're doing it right. So sorry to interject, but I just wanted to.

No, that's perfect. You know, and now we eat, like at home. When we're at home, we just eat all gluten free, right? And because you can find options, like, I enjoy everything that we eat. I just find the right option for it. Or I make my stuff afterwards or, you know, whatever it is. But one of the first times I was finding stuff, when we got married, they put the gluten free stuff in the aisle with the organic stuff. And I got it confused. So I bought organic chocolate chip, like cookie dough. And I made her just the flour. Just the flour. It was just organic flour. It was like organic, gluten free. Same thing. You know, I didn't know.

And the packaging looked almost identical to the organic to the gluten free. They were next to each other. So he could have even seen gluten free. And it was organic flour. And it was around Christmas time. So he was making me gluten, thinking gluten free cookies. Cookies from scratch. Like he had bought the flour, went to whole foods. So sweet. And I thought I was going to die. I had no idea.

Oh, man, that was so bad.

I was so. And I had them multiple. Cause he'd made like a batch. So I had them multiple days. We thinking, oh, my gosh. I had no idea it was the food I was eating, that I was just sick. And I said, I need to call the doc. I was. There's a lot of things that happen, but I was having such a hard time. I get so lethargic and it feels like my body's poisoned. And so I'm like, Caleb, something's really wrong with me. I think we have to go to the hospital because everything I've been eating is normal. And then he checks the flour.

First ingredient, wheat. I was like, okay, well, this went bad. Not going there again. So now I'm like, extra careful especially.

Yeah, but that's some. It's you learning process. But you do such a good job. And that was so sweet of you to try to make.

So if you're. I would. Yeah. So I would say if you're somebody that's not familiar with that, it just takes like, again, that intentionality of, like, just going and learning because I was that person, like, barbecue. Every gluten is what I ate, you know, And I think if I can learn, anybody can learn, I would say. And it just takes, you know, that intentionality.

Yeah. And trial and error and being okay with that, having fun with that and things that we both like that, okay, how can we have this be. And then a win, win. And then when we go to restaurants, it's that he can order whatever, you know, and he gets like, you know, and he's very intentional to make sure. Anytime, even when we go on a trip, he's like, yeah, where are the gluten free places? He's looking things up.

That's so good.

He's just making sure there's something so.

It doesn't all fall on you.

Right.

And that's why it should be that you guys are in it together.

And.

And so you're taking the lead even and saying, like, I'm gonna find us the places. I'm gonna. You don't have to worry about it. I'm gonna find you options. And that's. That's good stuff.

It is good stuff.

It's stressful enough for her to have to ask every time at a restaurant. So if I can take away at least one barrier. I've done a job. I know. Like, I've done a job to help. That's how I see it.

You know, I love that because we've known couples where they don't approach it this way. And like, they. Maybe they've been married a little bit, and the wife or the husband has always had some health issues. And then it comes to light that it is a gluten allergy or some other kind of food allergy. And we've seen where the spouse gets like, the spouse who does not have the allergy almost gets frustrated with their spouse that they have this. And it's like, they can't help it. They just have this, you know, they have an allergy or a sensitivity. And, you know, we've met with people where this is like an issue because they don't feel like they're being a partner with them. And they're almost kind of judging them even and acting like it's this huge burden or something. Because now all of a sudden, as a Family, they have to change some things. And so I just hope those of you watching listening, please take a note from this awesome couple. Because we've got to approach it like partners. We always say it's never his allergy or her allergy. It's always our allergy. Right. We always say his issue or her issue is our issue, but really, it's for everything. And I think when it comes to food, we're getting more knowledge these days. I feel like there's more out there to help people navigate these things. And we were just saying before we started record, you know, thank goodness times have changed where there are more options, food options, both in the store and at restaurants. But I think just knowing your spouse is in your corner and they don't see whatever it is you're dealing with as something that's inconveniencing them. I think that just that in and of itself helps us feel better. And then, you know, even in. When you're dealing with illness, when you have a healthier mindset and you know your partner's in your corner, that helps you on your road to health, even. I mean, there's studies behind that. So I just. I hope people really are listening to this, because I know it's widespread. I mean, I feel like more and more people every day, especially with gluten, they're finding that they have different allergies or celiacs disease or sensitivities.

Yeah. And it feels bad enough. You feel, you know, I really struggle to feel like a burden or, you know, and then even early on in our marriage, he's like, let's get you an allergy test so they could test, like, other things just to, hey, let's. For both of us. And what ways can we just help each other be healthy? Just little things or just build each other up. And that's a blessing to both of us. But him not making me feel like a burden and just feeling like a partner. Cause I'm already struggling with my lies of feeling that way. And I would say to him so often, I'm so sorry. Or I get, like, stressed if someone asks us to go, I want to hang out with my friends. And then I'm, how do I eat before? How do you. I'm so sorry. I'm such a brain. And he just never. He says, no, you're a blessing. This is. We'll work it out. Or if we're going somewhere he knows, he throws in something that, you know, on the stove or something that he knows that I can eat. So I'm not gonna be hungry.

It's so you gotta eat. Right.

We do.

And also. Yeah, you don't want hangry.

No, exactly.

It's a better version of me not to be.

And also I feel like just the inclusivity, like to be included in these different things you're invited to. You don't want to always feel like I'm just going to sit there where everybody else eats. And that's what I hear you both saying, is like, you want to be able to do this together. And that's huge. And even, I mean, really in any aspect of marriage where maybe one's dealing with something and the other isn't, I think just making sure, like you're not pushing the other away because of whatever they're dealing with, but just being inclusive. So y' all are doing a great job at that. I appreciate y' all sharing that.

Yeah. Cheers to you guys. It's a great example. And I think part of the secret sauce of your relationship is you guys did start from the very beginning with such intentionality. And for couples who are listening, who are maybe in that early phase, the pre marriage, not even married yet, you two are a great example to look to for just how to navigate that season and to ask the right questions. What were some of the things you were doing back in that season, early stage of your relationship? Preparing for marriage. And what advice would you give to folks who are listening right now and they're preparing for marriage and they want to do it the right way?

That's so good.

I love that.

That's such a good question. And something that so good, so good, so good.

New markdowns are on at your Nordstrom Rack store. Save even more. Up to 70% on dresses, tops, boots and handbags to give and get cause.

I always find something amazing. There are so many good brands.

I get an extra 5% off with.

My Nordstrom credit card.

Total queen treatment. Join the Nordy Club at Nordstrom Rack to unlock our best deals.

Big gifts, big perks. That's why you rack.

The Burlington Coat event is back. Buy a coat now through November 29th and get $5 off your merchandise purchase of $25 or more from December 6th through December 24th. Plus, Burlington is donating 50,000 new coats to help those in need nationwide. Through our partnership with Delivering Good. We've been keep warm for over 50 years. We'll see you at our coat event, Burlington Deals brands.

Wow.

Visit burlington.com coats for details.

We are so passionate about preparing people like even before they meet their person. And then when they meet that person, because we've done it. I've done it so wrong and so not the right way at different times. And then God has taught me a lot. And it's so cool to see just the way that. But we were really intentional, I would say, of when we say the wholehearted love of having our walls down, of not. I got to this point before meeting him. And I know that you can speak on this. You did as well. Of, we don't wanna be someone we're not. He jokes about, like, oh, I would be vegan for her. And like, obviously, there's things that you do to sacrifice for the other person, but the core of your being of who you are, of understanding, of, okay, this is who God made me to be. And if someone doesn't love and appreciate that, it's not worth it to pretend to be someone else. And I used to do that. I was like, oh, I need to be something, so this guy likes me, or this. And I approached dating in that way. And so they fell in love with something. It wasn't really me. It was my perception of what I thought they would like. And so God had taken me through all of that. So with him, it was so amazing that we were just so honest and real with who we really are, you know, and just having those really intentional conversations. Intentional again, intentional conversations of our personalities and who we are and how that meshed and how we could come alongside each other and make that a blessing and just really fell in love with him for exactly who he was with the walls down and felt the same with you. And I think that's so amazing for couples to, okay, is there a wall I'm putting up? Is there something I'm scared, You know, I'm engaged. Is there something. I need to be honest in an intentional way. To not have secrets, to not have things. And doesn't mean you have to share every detail about something in the past or some. You know, there's ways to do it that are really. To that other person, but to have that transparency.

Yeah, I love what you're talking about, about being like yourself, like, fully who God has made you to be. You don't need to, like, necessarily change for anybody who you are, but you can, like, improve, so to speak. So, like, I forget where I heard this, but it was like somebody gave the advice of make a list of all the things you would want your future spouse to be and then be those things, you know, or be the type of person that can be with somebody like that. And so, like, when I first met Stephanie, I did. I had to wait a year before I could even go on a date with her, just because of how things went. That's okay. But once we had a date, you know, I sealed the deal.

But anyway, Chocolate almonds for the win.

It was. Chocolate almonds came through. Yes, Chocolate almonds. Thank you, Trader Joe's. But I was like, man, that is the type of girl I want to be with. And so I was like, what would it take to be with somebody like that? I really need to figure out some of these things. And so for me, it was okay. What areas are going to make being with somebody better? What ways can I deal with baggage so that I'm not bringing that, so that we have to then unpack it together? You're going to unpack things. And like marriage, you know, marriage is a naked experience, right? You come in and you're just exposed. And so what can I do to make. Make the exposure not as shocking? Right? And so working on that and then couples together, I think it's like what Stephanie said, being honest, being open in the appropriate ways, and then allowing God to heal the areas that need to be healed. And I think intentionally working on that is a game changer.

That's so well said. And I love the way, just that picture of how we do. We all have stuff that. That we've put off dealing with. I think that all of us. And it sometimes becomes even a blind spot, you know, And I know you all see this, you know, and just to clarify, if you guys have not listened to their other episode they did with us, I know that Stephanie in particular comes from a clinical background with this and helping people. And so it's like, I'm sure in the work you do, you see this all the time, and you help clients. You know, you counsel Lees. I don't know how you refer to them, but, you know, to work through this. And I think that we forget that, like, we forget that we have these whopping blind spots. And a lot of it is it's kind of human nature to just avoid having those hard things. And I think that when you can have the maturity and the wisdom with God's help to deal with the baggage. And like you said, do you know the hard work of getting the healing that you need and going to the counselor and working through this? And then, like you said, it's not. Not that it's not still hard when you are bearing all with some of the stuff from your past, but when you Come as a holy, a whole and healed person. You're able to approach it in such a healthier way than if you haven't even dealt with it. And I think a lot of people going into marriage, I think that they get so excited about the wedding, they get so excited about this new life they're doing together, and they forget about this stuff, and then it hits them like a ton of bricks. I mean, I even think we went through a little bit of this in the beginning with some of the stuff that we had not really dealt with that sometimes you don't even realize until you're married and you're just living your life together. And it can be, you know, not that you can't still get through it, but it's just you're going to fare so much better when you do that work beforehand. So I love how you all talked about that. Yeah, it's really good, guys.

We could talk to you all day. I can't believe our. I mean, we blinked and we're out of time.

I know.

It's like we have to just keep having you back because you guys have so much incredible wisdom. I mean, you're just such a light and a blessing to us and to all who know you.

Yes.

But before we go, tell folks where they can connect with you, because you guys are putting so much great content out there and we just want to. We want to shine the light on you so that folks can find what you're doing. So tell our listeners where they can get more. Caleb and Stephanie.

That's awesome. Thank you, guys. One of the places we'll Instagram, mostly, and this is on Instagram, we share a lot of prayers and being intentional. And so that's something that praying when you're engaged, praying for that person before you meet them, while you're meeting them. That's so good. So on Stephan S T E F A N I E Rouse, and then Caleb Jason Rouse on Instagram.

I threw the whole name on there. Just wanted to make it.

I think it's great. It's very specific. They can find you. I think it's great.

He also puts his Social Security number underneath the name.

That's that number.

Just in case you were doubtful.

I love that.

Guys, listen, if you are listening to this and you have a friend, a relative, who is dating, who is single, who's engaged, you know, who maybe isn't with someone right now, but would like to be and is trying to just get healthy and prepare for that.

Oh, yeah.

Send them this episode. They could help you just send them a link to this? Because I'm telling you, like, just hearing from Caleb and Stephanie might be the. The nudge that they need in the right direction to start. Start making some positive changes that can help set them on the path toward marriage. And, guys, thank you guys for sharing with us. We love you. And let's do this again soon.

Yes, we love you guys.

Such an honor, guys, and thank you.

All for listening, and we will see you next.