Don't be the Griswolds

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Hey, guys. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and this podcast is extra special because we just got back from the EXO Cruise, which went to the Mediterranean, the French Riviera, Italy, Spain. It was awesome. And while we were there, we got to record this podcast from the deck of the ship. And if you want to watch it, we actually have a video recording of this that we're going to post on YouTube. You can find that link in the notes or you can go to YouTube and slash marriage today. But we actually interview some very special guests.

Yeah, that's right. Man, this. This cruise was amazing. Like Ashley said, go watch the video, because we can't do it justice describing it. You can just search Naked Marriage podcast, even on YouTube, and I'm sure it would pop up. And on the deck of the ship overlooking beautiful Monte Carlo, I felt like we were in a James Bond movie.

Seriously.

We were hanging with our dear friends Brent and Stephanie Evans. And Brent, of course, is the president of Marriage Today, the founder of XO Marriage, and also the host of the XO podc, which is another great podcast you should be listening to to help your marriage if you're not listening already. And Britt and Stephanie are some of.

Our best friends in the world.

So it was fun to get all dressed up and have this conversation with such a beautiful backdrop. And we hope you guys really, really enjoy this. So let's dive in.

Hey, guys. Welcome to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And this is an extra special episode. It's actually continuation of the EXO Marriage podcast. And we have some of our best friends here. Awesome people. Brent and Stephanie Evans.

Hello.

Hello, Hello.

And we are in a very exotic place.

Okay.

We're in Monte Carlo on the XO Marriage Cruise, and we're pinching ourselves because this place is amazing.

Yes, it is amazing.

Yes.

I mean, I've never seen any place that's swankier than Monte Carlo. Like, I'm a guy that spends time in Walmart. I don't have a lot of sophistication or class. You do. You make up for both of us. And so to be in a place where it's like James Bond is probably Driving around there right now, it's really, really cool. But we're not just here to see the cool sights. We're here to build marriages, and that's so fun. That's something we're passionate about. Brent and Stephanie are passionate about it as well. Brent, of course, the president of marriage today in Exo, and we're here on the XO cruise. So we're here with 100 other couples or so, all of us getting to know each other, all of us working on our marriages together, experiencing these great sites together. And so, guys, what are you liking about the XO Cruise so far?

Go ahead. Well, this. This has been awesome, but go ahead. My wife, Stephanie, will. Will start us off.

Oh, well, it's. It's. Of course, it's beautiful. So what's not to like about that? But all the couples that are here have been just super sweet. It's been nice to get to know them. We have something new every single day that we do. We wake up in a new place. So that's exciting. What about you?

Yeah, no, and. And thank you for being. Being here, guys, because y' all are part of the EXO cruise.

Oh, it's an honor speaking.

Y' all have been doing sessions, and they've been phenomenal, so it's been great. I just love the time away. I mean, you get couples away from their normal routines. You get them here in this wonderful, beautiful environment. And I've been noticing that you find people start to address things they haven't addressed in so long, and they start to work on things, and it's so good. But I also noticed that a lot of people have been married for many, many years here.

Oh, yeah.

They raise their hands, they say, hey, we've been married for 20, 30, 40 years.

That's awes.

That's part of the work ethic in marriage is to come to things like this.

Yes, that's true.

And so it's been very good. This is our third cruise that we've done in the last few years, and they keep getting better and better, so I've just been really encouraged. It's been fun. It's been powerful, and I can't wait to do another one.

I can't wait either. I'm excited.

It's so awesome. So we want you guys to check out the XO Marriage podcast where they interviewed us, and we talked about horror stories from vacation, and some of these. Your jaw will drop, I promise. But we're not gonna talk anymore about that. We're gonna talk about the importance of spending time together. Cause that's exactly what we're doing right now. But what happens when you're spending time together? You're having a good time, and all of a sudden you start fighting, which I think is very common when these things happen.

Yeah, yeah. Yes.

What do you guys do about that? And have you ever had that happen?

Of course we're human. Well, we. We've. You know, vacation is good, but sometimes a lot of things can come up to, whether it's kids back home or conversations that come up, anything can ruin it. But from early on, we were taught the principle of fun time, where you're on vacation and you just choose not to talk about certain topics, or if they start, you just automatically say, it's fun time. We can't talk about that. And so we kind of table that until after our vacation is over so it doesn't ruin it. And that's always worked really well for us.

We also have code words. Not just fun time, but we. If you ever hear her say mango.

To me, it's because now we're change our codewear.

Now I know the secret.

Yes, I've gotten angry, or I'm talking in a very not nice way. So she'll just go, mango.

Mango.

So it's nice to have those change. I love it. Words you can. You could throw in there buzzwords or our cue words. Set your spousities. She'll tell me, you know, sometimes you're saying something, you're doing something, Especially whenever.

You'Re trying to find the place that you're going.

Yeah. Some people vacation differently, right? So some people are, like, regimented. They want to get stuff done. And Stephanie and I, it's funny because this is a great tell about our relationship. I have a lot of anxiety before I get to the airport. She has a lot of anxiety once we get to the airport. So once I'm through security, I'm good. I'm like, let's go. Let's party. And that's when she starts getting anxious about traveling. And so we both have to manage that. And so whenever we're getting to the airport, she's kind of like, get off my back. We'll get there. Okay. I'm rushing. Then once we get there, I'm like, aren't you feeling great? She's like, no, I'm actually kind of.

Feeling good right now.

Why can't we be in a good.

Mood at the same time? Is that so much to ask? Mango day.

A big old mango.

We've actually learned.

Yeah, we have we learned to be sensitive to one another at the right times to, you know, tell each other honestly, like, hey, you might feel like you're being nice, but you're not being that nice right now. Give each other time. Give each other grace, and it's fun time. It's fun time because even on this trip, there's been a couple times where we've had to say, okay, what's up? All right. We were having a great time. But it's like, okay, let's talk about a couple of things that have been happening. Mainly her telling me that's true, because this is a work trip too, and sometimes I get in work mode. So I just have tried over the years we've been married for 21 years to listen to what she's saying, process it, and to be able to adjust whatever my behavior is to accommodate her feelings.

And there's nothing worse than ruining a vacation. I mean, nothing worse. So we really try not to do that.

Yeah, I don't know if you all have nuclear issues, but those. Those are the issues where if anybody even remotely starts to discuss it, it's like Kim Jong Un launching the missiles. Yeah.

You go from a good mood to. Yeah, a mango explosion.

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Now I get it. I think every couple has different.

But every couple does.

Yeah, we talk about that. And last night we got it. We were up late, we had a dinner with a group of us, and it was one o' clock here, but it was still early in Dallas, where we're from, and something happened to one of the kids. And I'm literally falling asleep. I'm just dog tired. And she says, hey, our daughter's Kate. She says, hey, Kate just did this. Can you believe that? And I was half conscious and I was thinking to myself, can I just go to sleep or am I gonna have to talk through this? And I really couldn't stay up with you anymore. So I said, baby, do you mind if we talk about this in the morning? She was tired too. And it's those kinds of things where you just kind of have to. Even if you are tired, just Be sweet still. Yeah, be sweet. Of course.

Show each other grace.

Yeah, show each other grace. And so we try to, as much as we can, just be compassionate to one another and just have fun. I mean, this is. I mean, if you're not having fun in Monte Carlo, Monaco, with your spouse.

Right.

I don't know if you paid all this money to come here and fight. I mean, that's on you sometimes, because.

You can fight for free at home.

Yeah, you can fight for free. That's so good. Now we've definitely had those moments. I think sometimes you can squeeze.

Mango.

Mango.

Yes, mango. I used to do this thing with Day. Like, we don't do this anymore, but I used to pull his ear.

Yeah. Like. Like we had, like, our. That was baseball signals, like, from the picture to the catcher. Like, she'd come by and just kind of tug my earlobe. And it would either mean it's like.

It'S time to go.

It's time to go. Like, if we're in a setting. Yeah. Or one of us is ready to go. Or it's like, we gotta. If we need to, we need to reconnect.

And.

Yeah. Depending on how hard she.

Probably depending on the intensity of the.

Number of the tugs and the grip of the tug.

Yeah.

You can tell kind of what was up.

Totally.

No, that's good stuff. That's good stuff. So kind of switching gears a little bit. Like, we talked about kind of some of the horror stories in the past episode, like Ashley said, and we talked about, you know, some stuff here, but just about the importance and how maybe how the logistical effort of how to get away without kids, why it's important and how to do it. And maybe you don't start with a European cruise.

Monte Carlo.

The first time in our life we've. We've done European cruise. I highly recommend it, by the way. Come to an EXO cruise. But whether it's the XO cruises in Alaska or wherever we go next, come to that. But start somewhere. Just start with, like, an overnight trip. And we talk about this a lot, you know, because people say, oh, well, I can't leave my kids. No one will love my kids like I do. No one's gonna watch my kids. Listen, no one's gonna love your kids like you. But there are plenty of people who can keep your kids alive for a couple days so that you can go off and have time alone with your spouse. And that is so important. And if you never have that time, it creates so much unnecessary tension in the marriage, and it even Creates stress with the kids. You're going to be a better parent. You will be a better parent if you'll take the time to get away with your spouse and reconnect as husband and wife and make that effort. So what can people do to start that process? And maybe the first, maybe they look at something like a Cruz and Monte Carlo and they're thinking, my goodness, I could never do that. But you can someday plan for it, save for it. But where can they start right now to just start getting away, have that overnight experience, have a couple nights together, maybe do a vision retreat, do something where they can, they can experience some of the, some of the stuff we're experiencing?

Absolutely. What do you guys think?

Well, I mean, I think those things are principles that you should start early on. Starting with, like you said, a date night. So that's not something that's hard to do, that's elaborate. You know, we have young kids, so we know the challenges of babysitters, but we've, you know, found ways to do that. But starting with a good discipline of having a date night every week or every, you know, once every two weeks. We've done that since we were first married. And I think that's just a really good principle. I have some friends that, you know, going away with their spouse, that's just not even a thought in their mind, you know, so, you know, just starting with something simple like that, then you can obviously do the weekend away, you know, asking family or friends, you know, to help with the kids. But I think that's, that's important to start there. What do you think?

Yeah, and I think some people say finances. I think that's the biggest excuse that people give is finances. But I just think that that's a manageable excuse. I mean, you can, you can adjust your budget to accommodate a cheap hotel stay. And I would say that if people aren't willing to do a little bit, you know, sacrifice something to make that a priority. Yeah. Then I, I think it's a tell for something major or another issue going on in their marriage. A lot of times people don't want to be alone with each other, so they, they don't want to be away from their kids because their kids are the buffer zone. And exactly the, the, the way that.

They can relate to each other.

Yeah. Keep from addressing all the baggage that they've built up and all the, the pent up, whatever, frustration, anger. And then I've heard a lot of husbands say, you know, they don't want to just go get away and have her nag or have her do whatever. And then wives don't want to get away and just have him just check out and not be there. So if you're just going to go to a hotel and he's just going to be same old, you know, disconnected husband, or she's going to come and still be the same as she's been before, I can see why people would want to spend the money to do that. So I think it's about having the conversation of, why haven't we done it right? This isn't a discipline in our marriage. Why isn't it? Is it just money? And it's fine. Maybe you should, you know, look at your budget, like I said. But if maybe there's a topic that or a continuation of a topic that y' all do not want to come up on a vacation or getting away, I think y' all need to address that because it's honestly one of the best things for your marriage. If you want to have a marriage that lasts 40, 50, 60 years, you're going to have to find time to get away. And I love what Dave and Ashley say all the time is the secret to a great marriage is being best friends. And the best time of my life is getting away with Stephanie. We have the most fun together. We enjoy the same things we.

And it's nice to have something to look forward to. And that's really a big deal for us.

We always.

I think it's important for couples to have goals and something to look forward to. And so putting it on the calendar and planning it, you know, it gives you something to get excited about.

Yes.

And it was not easy coming on this cruise.

No.

Talk about getting childcare for three kids for a little over a week. We have three sitters coming in. One is her parents. And it takes a village to pull it off. So I get the hard work. And all the time I kept telling Stephanie, it's gonna be worth it, it's gonna be worth it. But in the moment, you feel like, no, let's just cancel. This is not worth it. But once you get here, you go. I'm so glad we did it, because it pays off in so many ways. And so, yeah, I just encourage you. Just talk about it openly, honestly, if your spouse is unwilling to go, just make it easy for them to go. Take away any excuses, even if you have to pigeonhole some money away and book it on your own and surprise them with a getaway. Men, I promise you, hey, it's romantic.

Come on, come on. The cruise. It'll be a romantic surprise.

I can guarantee you that.

This has been great advice. Guys, if you're. If you're only listening to the audio version of this podcast, as most of our podcast listeners do, I encourage you to go to YouTube and watch both parts one and two of this conversation. Part one is on the XO podcast, like Ashley said at the beginning. That's a great one to subscribe to as well, which Brent hosts. You can watch the first part of the conversation on YouTube there, and then you can watch this conversation with beautiful Monte Carlo behind us. The sun is starting to set. It's really, really something to see. Even if you don't watch the whole conversation again, at least see the setting. It's really something cool to see. But, guys, thank you for watching, thank you for listening, and thank you for investing into your marriage. You might be listening to this, thinking, oh, man, there's so much more I need to do. But also pat yourself on the back. You're doing something right now at this very second, you are investing into your marriage just by taking the time to be listening to this and watching this to build your relationship. There's a million things, countless things you could be doing right now. And you obviously care about building a stronger marriage, and we just want to applaud you for that. So, sweetie, any final words before we sign off? No.

Like, do what you can right now where you are in your phase of life, and anything you do to invest in your marriage will pay off in the future. Thank you guys so much for joining us. Thank you, Britt and Stephanie for joining us.

Thank you.

Love you guys.

See you guys next time.

See you next time, guys.