Don't Hide your Problems // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is sweetie?

It's Hump day Q and A time. Hump day Q and A. Hump day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump Day Q and A. We love answering your questions, so every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

Today the question says, my husband and I have a wonderful marriage and I'm trying to make it even better and everything God wants it to be. My husband struggled with pornography in his past and I know it's a temptation he still struggles with now. I've tried to have an open conversation about it and let him know I'm here to support him and can help him fight it, but he really didn't want to talk about it. How can I help him through this and help him be more comfortable opening up to me? And how can I get past my feelings of sadness and disappointment over this? Such a good question. Your husband, naively is thinking that he is protecting you by not talking about it because he doesn't want to put those images in your head. He doesn't want there to be a reminder of the fact that this has been a struggle to or is currently a temptation. He's wanting just to pretend that whole part of his mind and life never existed and certainly doesn't exist now. But for him to not talk about it, what he doesn't realize is he's actually making it worse. He's making the trust issue even more broken because you're trying to connect with him in this area and he's hoping to not feel judged by you. He's hoping to not put these thoughts in your head. He might even think he's just protecting you by not wanting to have these conversations. But he needs to know how important it is for you that he opens up and that he trusts you to walk with him through this and that he's willing to talk about it. And until he does, neither of you can fully heal.

You know, it's so true. And that last part of her question where it says how can I get past my feelings of sadness and disappointment over this? I really don't even think all of that is because that porn is an issue. I really think probably where most of the sadness is coming from just based on the rest of her question Is the fact that he will not trust her enough to tell her, because that's really what it comes down to. And, you know, I think you need to remind your husband, like, hey, you can trust me. Like, I'm here for the long haul. You don't have to tell me all the details about this because honestly, I don't know how much that would help, you know, in what are all the different porn sites you went to? What are all the different fetishes you're into? Like, I don't know if that's gonna help anything, but just say, like, I wanna know when you feel tempted by this, because I wanna help you through that. And just say like, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I don't think you're like a lost cause, you know, I just wanna help you. I'm asking you not to be nosy. I'm asking you so we can grow closer together. And, you know, I don't know her personal situation, but if you maybe have something on your heart that you wanna share with him, maybe it's not even a sin, but maybe something you've never told him, a lot of times when you kinda can bear something that. That leads him to feel like there's this open door for him to be more honest. And I'm not saying that's a guarantee, but I have seen that happen with many couples and even in our own relationship. And so if you're willing to maybe to trust him with that and say, like, I trust you and I really need you to trust me. And it just makes me sad. Tell him, say, listen, I don't wanna feel this way, but I feel so sad. And it's because of the porn issue. Yes, but it's also because you're kind of leaving me out here in the dark. And I really wanna be. I want to bear this with you. I want to be the burden bearer with you. So please, please open up to me. And I would say, too, if he's still having trouble. I think talking to one of our marriage coaches would be really, really great for both of you. And I know odds are he probably isn't that excited about it. If he's having a hard time opening up to you. But I would ask, you know him, say, listen, this would mean the world to me if you would talk with this marriage coach, this person that doesn't know us, that can kind of look into our situation from neutral ground. It would mean the world to me if you would just talk with this marriage coach, and maybe they could give you some tips on how to have this conversation. Maybe even send him this podcast if he's not already listening to it and say, listen to this on your own time. You're not the only one struggling with this. Dave and Ashley went through this. You know, there's millions of people who struggle with this, and they've come through it on the other side. But I can't help you if you're not gonna tell me more about this and let me in. I think that would be really helpful. So if you want to talk to one of our marriage coaches, you can go to xomarriage.com help and you can meet with them virtually, or if you're in the DFW area in Texas, you can actually meet with them in person.

Yeah. They are such a great resource. And thank you for this important question.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.