Ed & Lisa Young Interview
7 Feb 2022 · 34 min
Ed and Lisa Young met as teenagers in church and started Fellowship Church in Dallas-Fort Worth around 1990. After nearly 40 years of marriage, they talk about the isolation and betrayal that come with ministry, how hospitality shaped their relationship, and why initiating intimacy requires both communication and tenderness.
Chapters
Cuando entras a Burlington encuentras precios increibles.
Y regal los geniales.
Jeso es energia del protagonista porque in Burlington, los ahoros festivos no son lo.
Unico que llama la tension descubria jasgos.
De calidar y regalos perfectos paratodos entulista.
Des de juges de belles.
Para de bajo del arbol.
Does it ever feel like you're a.
Marketing professional just speaking into the void?
But with LinkedIn ads, you can know.
You'Re reaching the right decision makers.
A network of 130 million of them. In fact, you can even target buyers by job title, industry, company seniority, skills, and. Did I say job title?
See how you can avoid the void.
And reach the right buyers with LinkedIn ads.
Spend $250 on your first campaign and.
Get a free $250 credit for the next one. Get started at LinkedIn.com campaign terms and cond supply. Hello, and welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we Undress the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. And you guys, we have some of our just heroes in the podcast room right now. And I hope you watch this and not just listen to it, but we have the Youngs here today, and it is just going to be an amazing episode. We're so excited.
Ed and Lisa, Young guys, these are absolute legends. Legends, and I don't use that word lightly. These are legends in ministry, and they've impacted us for so long. Even though we're just meeting them for the first time today, I feel like we know them a little bit about them. Ed spent years as a professional male model before beginning. No, I'm just.
He said he was gonna make up.
Steps making a bio. Oh, good.
I like that, though.
Yeah, stick with it.
Stick with it. Calvin Klein was his biggest client. Oh, my goodness. No, the truth about Ed and Lisa. They are two of the most gifted, authentic, and influential leaders within all of Christianity. And I don't say that lightly. They're founders of Fellowship Church, which for more than the last two decades has become, you know, one of the most innovative and influential churches anywhere in the world. The author of something like Combined, I think it's like 347 books they've written together. It's right around there. And amazing books. In fact, one of the first books I was handed in ministry and I told this story before we got here, was the creative leader when I was Just starting out as an assistant youth pastor, it was like the lowest rung on the ladder. It was. I did the jobs that not even the youth pastor wanted to do. They were like, you do?
But you did it creatively.
Yes. You did.
Yes and no. That book really helped me, and it introduced me to ministry. And from there, you guys have continued to influence us from a distance. And now up close, guys, they are hosting our exo conference this coming weekend. And also speaking. And you do not want to miss. They're also going to be hosting the upcoming creative marriage podcast. And you're going to get a little sneak preview of that. Yes, right now. So let's dive into our conversation with the Youngs. Well, like we said in the intro, we are literally interviewing some of our heroes today, even though we're just meeting them for the first time. So I, like, I feel like I know I've known you guys because I've stalked you online for so long and learned from you and read your books and watched sermons and. Thank you. Thank you for being here, guys. Ed and Lisa Young, they're sitting right here. I can't believe it.
Thanks for having us.
We're so happy to be.
Yeah, we are going to be fun. We've had a good talk already. We've covered Kentucky basketball. We've covered lots of different topics, so I'm excited to see what we're going to, like, talk about on the. On the podcast. I know we might not get to any of the actual questions, but we're going to have a good time.
No doubt.
That's right. So take us back. This isn't even on there, but I want to know, like, the origin story of how you two got together. It seems like I've read this somewhere or heard one of you talk about it somewhere, but just right here, live. Like, what's the love story? How did it start?
We love it.
It's great.
I'm sure it is.
Or you want me to.
You tell it.
Okay.
You better.
I love telling it because it was so special. But Ed and I met in Sunday school and in church Bible study class.
Is that old school? Sunday school.
Sunday school.
I love it.
So he sent a note or. Yeah. Is that right? Or I sent a note or something. I can't remember.
Your friend David Bubbles.
Swindler.
Swindler.
Is that a great name? Bubbles?
Bubbles. Yes.
He handed me a note.
It was. He wrote it. Yeah, he wrote it on my behalf.
Yeah.
And. And so he gave this note to Ed and said, hey, love note.
Had a ghostwriter yes.
And so he. That is funny. I never thought about that. But he wrote it on my behalf because he, I had told him that I liked it. And so he was. I, you know, really, I owe him a lot of money or something, or a big hug at least. But anyway, so we met at church and started dating. And we were 15, I think maybe you were 14. I'm a cougar by three months. So anyway, but Ed told me like a couple months in or whatever that he was going to marry me. And I was like, prophetic.
That's it.
Prophecy. I didn't know. And so anyway, he was right and we did. And so we went to. We didn't go to the same high school, but commuted back and forth on dates. And then when he went to Florida State to play basketball, my parents loved him so much that they were like, sure, you should go to Florida State too. So I followed him right there. We dated, I guess six years, were engaged, and then got married. And I wouldn't necessarily recommend the 15 year old thing for my children or for someone else's children because I think that's kind of unusual to meet your, your husband or wife at that juncture. But it's possible. And the fact that we met in church, that set some good standards.
Yes.
That's great. And so, Bubbles, if you're listening right now, Bubbles, write in, we want to send you a free T shirt for helping make this possible. That's. No, that's beautiful. I love it.
And so you guys have been married how long now?
It'll be 40 years this year. Wow.
Oh, that's a big one. That is so amazing.
It is a big one. You know what? Our first anniversary started out with Ed and I going to beach retreats at church. We were leaders, which is kind of.
Like a summer camp.
It's like summer camp. Yeah.
For kids.
Yeah. So Ed and I would. I would be in a cabin full of girls. He would have a bunch of guys. And so our anniversaries were not like, big things grow, you know, in our early days. But now we tend to, you know, emphasize like, okay, this is 40. This is big.
Celebrate.
Yes. Awesome.
And you've been in ministry a long time too, and I know we were talking a little bit before this, so tell us a little bit about that.
Well, we both sort of grew up in the aquarium of ministry. My father is also a pastor. And because we were so young when we started dating or today, you know, talking, and it became official, we were so young. Lisa grew up with our Family.
Yeah.
I tell people this all the time, and. And it's kind of hard to, I guess, wrap your brain around, but I can't remember a time in my life where I was not recognized by a bunch of people I didn't know. I don't. I don't mean out of popularity. I mean just as a. As a pastor's kid.
Yes.
So. So I. I loved being. And I still am, of course, a pastor's kid. I think it has many, many advantages also, as you know, there's also some challenges there.
Yeah.
Was it.
What was you asked?
Like. Yeah, you know, being in ministry. Yeah. Our journey in ministry.
So I didn't think. Well, I kind of thought. I shouldn't say that. I kind of thought I would go into the ministry one day, but I majored in the fine arts and Lisa majored in home economic education, so I didn't really know I would go into the ministry. But through basketball, through being around so many people that didn't know the Lord and then inviting them to the church I was attending and seeing it through their eyes, that was sort of a. A moment the Holy Spirit used to bring. Bring us into the ministry. So I grew up in the ministry. It became official, I guess, when I was ordained.
Yeah. But Ed's father never.
No, he didn't.
Pushed. Ed is one of three boys. Pushed them toward ministry. In fact, he said that if you can find something that. That you can do a calling for your life outside of the church, go do that, but if God calls you, then you go into ministry. Wow.
So, yes, we grew up in it. And then in 1990, you guys were probably, what, 4 or 5 years old. We moved up to Dallas, Fort Worth to start Fellowship Church. And that was when church plants or church starts. It was like no one was doing it. I didn't know what in the world I was doing. I still don't, but maybe I know a little bit more today than I did 30 years ago. So we came up in 1990. No, 32 years ago, 1990, with one car, one kid, one dog, one rent house with about 30 families in. In this rented facility, because, again, I was 28 and I had never pastored before. But the weird thing was, at the time I worked with dad, his church was probably during that time, the most attended church in America.
Right.
So I. I moved from that staff. Their. Their staff has like 1300 people or some unbelievable number. I moved from that to, like, here we are.
It's you guys.
Yeah.
I say, I. We did.
Yeah.
Yeah, we.
I Think they. They installed the typewriter.
Yeah.
The day we came. Which tells you how long ago that was, because it was a typewriter, not a laptop.
So that. That's how. So we just grew up together in ministry. Then it became official when we actually. I mean, the. The ministry. When we were here, I was. We're both 28 years old.
Amazing.
And what you've. What you guys and what God has done through you to it, fellowship, it really is just. It's a movement. It's a. It's something that's so powerful, and you two are just so gifted at creating environments that make people feel safe. It's authentic. And I think that's why folks can walk into fellowship from all different walks of life, whether they've been in church all their life or whether they're just kicking the tires and they're like, what's up with this Jesus thing?
Yes.
And you have such a gift of helping them feel connected and finding common ground with folks. And is that something you always had? Is. Or is that something you've really had to work to develop?
Lisa has the gift of hospitality. In fact, her mom and dad. I mean, you know, hospitality is commanded in scripture. A lot of people don't talk about that, but of course, you know, it. Lisa's family was so hospitable, and Lisa is hospitable. So that along with. I guess I would tend to develop more relationships with. With. With people outside the family of God, more people that, you know, don't know the Lord, just. Just through what I. What I have enjoyed recreationally. And even now, I do a lot of fishing. You know, it's a biblical sport fishing.
It is. Yeah.
I. I try to do that with a lot of people who don't know the Lord, because I found in my own life, at least. And I, too. And we have a lot of friends who are not believers. When you're around people who aren't believers, many times you go, whoa, I'm talking about stuff. I mean, it's great. It's from scripture and everything, but I need to always remember how to pose those questions and how to address those issues that my friends are asking. So I would say that. I don't know what you said.
I would also add to that that our years at Florida State, they were some of the most difficult days for Ed because we were the only Christians that we. I mean, we. Well, we got there. It was at the time that Ed and I attended Florida State, it was rated the number one party school in America.
Wow.
So I Had never been in an environment like that.
And we were in a co ed dorm, athletic dorm, lived on separate floors. The athletes lived. Lived alone. We had maid service. There was a full bar. I mean, hard liquor at the bottom of this privately owned. It was Sodom and Gomorrah. So Lisa and I counted too. I know I'm interrupting you, but three out of 700 people in the dorm went to church.
And he and I were two.
You were two or the three were two?
Of the three. Another girl who was Catholic, she joined. You know, her church was right down the street. And she walked there, but Ed and I would drive. And I remember when we went into the dorm, you know, we. We yearn to be involved in church because as much as we have relationships with people who are far away from God, it's the core that gives us the strength to do that. Our closest friends, friends have always been Christ followers, always been people who are moving in the same direction. But at Florida State, Ed has always said we were around some spectacular sinning. And so when we decided to go to Dallas and start Fellowship Church, that was kind of the basis by which we structured our church so that anyone of his teammates from Florida State or anybody that had lived in our dorm could walk through the doors of Fellowship and they would hear the gospel, they would hear the Bible taught in a relevant way, but it wouldn't go over their heads. And so within it, they'd feel safe.
They'd feel safe.
Seen, we do focus on hospitality. We want people to walk in. A lot of times people are coming to church either because they're hurt, broken, or maybe they just don't know their purpose in life. And yet when they come in, maybe they've taken that first step, but. But they don't feel comfortable. So it's our job to help them feel comfortable. We always say that we're gonna become uncomfortable in order to make them comfortable.
Yeah, we say we wanna be comfortably uncomfortable. That's sort of a.
We're comforted by God, but we become uncomfortable for other people. And, you know, I could sit in a worship experience and pretty much I've been a Christian since I was 9 years old, and I could understand a lot that someone else could not. And that's. That's where, you know, a lot of times we get too comfortable in that and we forget that there are those outside the walls of the church that are far away from God.
So we grew up in a different. The juxtaposition between great Christian homes, both of us. And due to the Circumstances she described around a lot of people who don't know the Lord. So we, we've tried, you know, to, to by, by God's grace bridge those worlds. We talk about the, I mean, obviously we're a Bible teaching, Bible believing church, yet we try to unpack it so people can understand, you know, the menu, so to speak.
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
I mean, that's what we're really called to do.
Exactly.
As Christ followers, you know, we, we don't want to make it so that, you know, we're speaking in Christianese or that we're talking about things in ways that people are like weird and they kind of write you off and don't.
You think it's kind of like we, we get into that zone where we're fired up for the Lord and we want to be around others who are fired up for the Lord and that's where we are most comfortable. And so it's a fight in order to have people in our lives who are far away from God. And Ed does a great job. He's taught me so much about establishing relationships, but yet not compromising your moral values and your biblical values.
Yeah, that's always a challenge. But we're called to be salt and light and leaven and.
Right. Because it's so easy to just get in a bubble and.
Yeah.
And to feel safe in your little bubble.
Yeah, yeah. To feel safe there and to just kind of like point, point at all the, the Lost world and be like, oh God, we're not like those guys.
And I mean, but it's like, are we helping anybody by doing that?
But you know, one of the things that we've talked about early on, and I was looking back at just the menu of different messages and talks we've done early on, we started talking about marriage a lot. I mean, a lot. We've done a series on marriage and I would say at least 30 out of 32 years of ministry, at least maybe more than that. So that's something too, that, that, I mean, that's obviously a felt need. Of course, it's the only relationship that's analogous to God's relationship with his people. We know that, but.
Right.
That, that has been one of the things that we've enjoyed talking about. And I think that that people have really leaned into the church because, you know, when you talk about marriage, you guys do such a great job at it. You have to kind of put it out there. And many times I think a lot of those of us who were pastors were like Whoa.
Yes.
I don't know.
This is a Bose moment.
Work.
Holiday parties can be a drag until someone hits play on a Bose speaker. Rich sound takes you from cubicles to club vibes as Bose decks the halls with bass. And suddenly, hey, even your boss is.
In the holiday spirit.
Holidays deserve music. Music deserves bows. Find the perfect gifts and holiday deals@bose.com Spotify.
Steamer here. Give me the dirt.
My mother in law is coming over.
Then your home must be spotless. We'll handle the carpets, couched and rugs. You handle her criticism with baked goods. People complain less when they're chewing. Book your deep clean now@stanleysteamer.com now, you.
All have done such a great job with that, and I'm glad you brought this up. Cause I wanted to ask, you've been in ministry for such a long time. How would you say being in ministry has both blessed your marriage and challenged your marriage? Because I know it's probably done both, and I don't know if you guys want to speak to that.
In some ways, I would say that it's a blessing. Even the negative is a blessing because as Ed said, it's like living in a fishbowl and people are watching. But because people are watching, you tend to stay on your game better. Isn't that good? I mean, actually, our oldest daughter said that when she was challenged with what's it like being a pastor's kid? And she goes, well, life in the aquarium's tough, but it makes me think, you know, other people are watching. So I want to do this right. And so Ed and I, we've always had fun. We're friends. We've enjoyed one another's company, of course, for 40 years. And. But it's not always, you know, sweets, perfumey, great. You know, date nights, all that. It's not like that all 24 7. There's hard times in any relationship, but when you know that God is at the center of it and you're gonna work through issues that you have, and basically all issues are the same for every couple. They're just how you deal with them.
That's so true.
You know, but I think the blessing is that we get to teach and share, and that causes us to be really intentional about our relationship.
Yeah.
So good.
I would say, too, that, yeah, the, the, the benefits of it far outweigh the challenges. I would say, though, the biggest challenge that pastors deal with is betrayal.
Yeah.
I don't think there is another occupation aside from being a major college football coach to where you Deal with betrayal on the level of pastors. I don't care if you pastor 10 people or whatever someone says, you know, 100,000 people, whatever it is.
Right.
We all deal with that, process that. And that not only hurts the pastor and his spouse, but it can influence and affect the marriage, the kids. Because in the business world, someone bolts is like, yeah, whatever, or we'll sue them. If you're, if you're a pastor, it's multidimensional and multifaceted. So I would say betrayal is something that is, that is tough. Another tough hurdle would be when everyone else is off, you're on. In other words, people say, have a good weekend. I'm like, no, no, no, tell me, have a good week. So, so, so those weekends. So when your kids are off, you're on. And, and that's something that you have to, that you have to work out. So that would be. Those would be some liabilities. But the, but the benefits of having courtside seats, basketball metaphor to, to. To life change, to being able to know that you're being used by God. As Lisa said, accountability, all that is, is amazing. And we get opportunities as pastors that other people don't get. But I would be lying to you to say, wow, it's easy, because it's kind of like the proverbial. You can be talking about marriage and you're supposed to have this great marriage, but as pastors, it's hard to find someone that you can trust, especially within the church.
Right.
Yeah.
So that's another thing. So you try to try to keep secrets or you try to build barriers around your life. I think it's great for. I don't mean to talk about pastors the whole time, but for pastors to have other pastors as their best friends because we understand one another and we can share we're struggling in this area, or this is something good. Something like that.
So true.
Yeah. If you're a pastor listening to this right now and you feel the isolation that so many pastors feel, and I get that, do. Do that. Find other pastors, lock arms, maybe in your community, maybe in other towns, but build that friendship. And, you know, if you're, if you feel like you're not the one being invited to those things, you be the one that's doing the inviting and reach out and you create the space and you be the encourager and come alongside guys and be their Barnabas and let them be the same for you and have that accountability. We all need that.
We all need it.
We all need It. And so especially when it comes to marriage, we've seen so many pastors and their wives suffer and struggle and there's help available. We here at XO Marriage we try to be a safe place for that. If you go to xomarriage.com help we can discreetly help you and get you connected to resources that can help you and your wife move through whatever you're going through.
I was just gonna say that. And it's not just the pastor, the wives too. Because I do think sometimes pastors wives, they can feel that. I'm sure it's a little bit different, but I mean it's still that isolation that can often happen. And I know that there's many pastors wives out there that would love to lock arms and kind of bear the burden because it is a unique burden.
It is, you know, the number one negative thing that pastors and pastors wives find as far as being in ministry. The number one complaint is isolation. Yeah. They don't feel like they have anybody that they can identify with. And that in and of itself would play into difficulties in a marriage. Difficulties as parents.
But you're right with pastors wives. Oh my goodness. Yeah. That, yeah, they're maybe more important than the pastor.
Oh goodness.
For sure.
I'm serious.
Yeah. We all need each other.
We all do.
We do. We do.
Yes. It's so good. So you guys have such amazing marriage insight and I'm so excited that they're going to be sharing that marriage insight with xo. Yeah, the creative marriage podcast is coming. I'm like giddy with excitement about we're giddy with who we are. I can't wait. It's going to be awesome. And the Exo Marriage conference is coming. In fact, this coming weekend at Fellowship Church is all the campuses at Fellowship Church the Exomarriage conference is going to be happening and we're so excited to be partnering with you guys.
But we are as well.
Oh, I mean I'm just, I'm pumped. I'm like, I am pumped. I'm pumped about it.
It's going to be awesome. And so like before we go into our Q and A today, what can you tell us? Like a little just insight into what you think listeners and viewers can expect from the creative Marriage podcast.
Oh wow. It's gonna be great because we're gonna talk about how to keep your marriage fresh. Creativity is all about romance. And I mean who doesn't wanna especially all the wives out there, you wanna know about romance. But possibly the guys need to know about romance. So there's just many facets that's gonna make it great.
I do, I think that working on your marriage, that's the deal. And when you talk about creativity, Creativity takes work.
Yeah.
I mean, we don't just sit there and like, whatever, but, but, but I call it the mwe. The marital work ethic.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's, it's amazing how creative we were in this whole, you know, talking, dating, whatever you want to call it, process, or when it comes official. And then once we get married, it's like, okay, I can just chill, relax, no big deal. But that's when especially the wife is going, oh, romance now is going to go to a whole nother level.
Yeah.
And the guy's like, I'm just done.
Chasing's over. Yeah.
So, so we want to, we want to talk about that because at least now I have times of, of, of, of, well, me even more so than her being lackadaisical, like just doing same thing, you know, the same way. So that creativity is stopping something and starting something else, you know, stopping, starting. And it's the God given ability, I believe, to be innovative and to introduce change. But every time you introduce change, you're going to have conflict. And if you stay with the conflict, you'll have growth.
That's good.
That's so true, you guys. I can't wait to listen. Like, we're so thrilled. It's going to be so good.
We got so much to. We've learned. We have learned.
We have learned so much from you.
And it's just, what a cool time that God let us all be alive in a time where technology exists, where, you know, we can, we could benefit from your ministry for all these years before having even met you. And now getting to meet you face to face and just the partnership ahead. I'm so pumped.
Yes.
And I'm going to be first in line to soak up the wisdom from the creative marriage podcast. I'm there for it.
We love it. Yes.
We want to be like you guys when we grow up.
Keep it creative. Keep it creative.
It's going to be. It's going to be awesome.
Yes.
Oh, well, are you guys ready for a question? Sure. Oh, yeah. All right. So here on the Naked Marriage podcast, we always end with a question that you guys write in@nakedmarriagepodcast.com and of course, you can also write us on Instagram, avanashleywillis and Facebook. And we appreciate all the questions you send in. It helps us shape whole episodes of this podcast, but we don't see this question on air until right now. Until right now. So here it is. Sweetie, you want to read this one?
Sure.
All right.
I don't like the way my husband initiates intimacy. It always seems like he checks to see if sex is possible and then changes how he treats me the rest of the evening, depending on his quote, chances. I love the honesty of this answer or this question. All right. If he doesn't get the go ahead signal from me, he ignores me. If I initiate, he seems to take that as evidence that everything is really okay. I don't want to have a sexless marriage, but I'm not sure how to proceed. Ooh, that's tough.
I've actually heard. I'm, I'm thinking of a real friend. I'm not going to mention his.
Please don't.
This might be from his wife.
Oh, my gosh. It might seriously might be about this.
Where he's just like, yeah, if I, if I could tell it's not happening that night, it's just like, I'm out. You know, it's oh, my gosh. Playing probably Call of Duty or the rest of the night. But if he thinks there's a chance, depending on the great, you know, all of a sudden the romance comes on, there's still a chance. So he's conf. Like, and I guess this is, it's.
Probably more common, Fairly common.
And so we, we empathize with the lady who wrote this in, and we thank you for the question and our laugh. When we laugh, it is in no way trying to, like, undermine, you know, the, the, the seriousness of the, of, of your question, but it's just laughing at just, just how dumb sometimes we guys can be.
Well, and it's like a game. I, I, I see this, this is like a game they've fallen into, and, but she doesn't feel appreciated. You know, she's feeling used here, and she's like, oh, you're only going to treat me with respect and kindness and love if you think you're going to get some, but if you're not, then I guess it's just over.
That's how I felt sometimes if, when you're pursuing me for sex, oh, my goodness. And I say, not tonight. I have a headache. And then you, you are so silly. Ignore me the rest of the night. And I feel like I'm not. Just a piece of me. You want to be a piece of me.
You want to be.
I want to just be held.
Oh, my goodness.
That's actually not how it goes.
It is totally not, but I want.
To hear from experts.
I'll jump in because actually, it's a wife talking about a husband. And so I feel like maybe the identification of me answering this might be, you know, more on point. Not that Ed doesn't have great things to say about this, but after 40 years of marriage, I will tell you that what you're describing is normal. That's not unusual. In fact, have you ever seen the pillows that go on a bed and they're monogrammed, like on one side that says tonight, and then the back side says not tonight, and we jest about that, but basically that's a little bit of a reality, that all of us have different moods, passions, and very seldom will both of us be in the mood for sex, for intimacy at the same time. So it is somewhat of a game. But to make it where it's not, where you're feeling slighted, it's all about communication. I mean, this is a talk. This is a. Perhaps you, as the wife, set the stage for a dinner, a time alone, get the kids to bed if there's children involved, and then have just an open discussion about your feelings. Because as you said, sometimes guys are clueless and they don't know really something's wrong. You feel like you're being taken advantage of. And so I think communication has to be a starting point. Has to be a starting point, and then you explain how you're feeling and then go from there.
I love it.
That's gold. Yeah.
Wow. Drop the mic.
That's right.
I mean, I don't have anything to add to that. Lysa, that's brilliant.
We have never purchased one of those pillows, by the way.
Neither have we. No, I haven't seen those, though.
I've got one that just says tonight on both sides. Tonight.
But one of the things that I think is what women, and maybe it's both men and women, but especially women, don't understand, we have the privilege, not the duty, but the privilege to meet and fulfill our spouse's sexual needs. And we have to look at that as a blessing, because if it's not us, then who is it? So this is a privilege that you get to satisfy your spouse's needs, and when you have that perspective, you're going to move in the flow of that desire to fulfilling that desire.
Absolutely. That's good. And I will just say to the guy, listen, just always be sweet and thoughtful and tender with your wife.
That's it.
Whether. Whether you feel like Sex is possibly going to happen. Maybe going to happen or definitely not going to happen. To let her feel your tenderness and your. Your compassion and your pursuit of her and her heart, not just her body, but her mind, body and soul at all times. And I think that. I don't know. I think that that alone might. She might feel more inclined more often if she felt respected and pursued in that way.
Absolutely.
And I think. I don't know if she's told him this. Like, I would just ask her, I think, if she could, you know, in a calm way, not like in the heat of the moment, not, you know, in a fight, but just in a calm way, say, listen, I don't want to. I mean, just as plainly as she said it to us, like, I don't want to have a sexless marriage. I really want to enjoy sex with you, but I feel like you treat me differently based on whether or not you think we're going to have sex. And that makes me feel like you're only finding my value in what I can do for you physically. And I know that's not how you feel. Like, give him the benefit of the doubt and say, you probably don't even know you're doing this, you know, but you go to the other room and you ignore me the rest of the night, or you are really short with me, you know, when I can't. You know, when you think that it's not gonna happen. And I think sometimes, again, like we were talking about, sometimes it's. We assume our spouse knows things. We assume that our eye rolls or our turning around or whatever is giving the message, but we have to use our words. Just like we tell our kids we have to use our words.
And.
And it's like. And not in a snarky way, but just in a nice way and just share your heart with your husband, because odds are he may not even realize that he's fallen into this pattern. And so it's going to take you needing to be honest with him about that.
Boom. Guys, so much. So much wisdom. And. And just. It was just a little sneak preview of what you can expect on the Creative Marriage podcast. It's going to be gold. I mean, it's just. I can't wait.
We can't wait either.
You guys are a gift to the world, to the body, and to us, and we're just. We're excited for you to. For you to continue to share that and for us to just be able to soak it up, because we just so appreciate it and thank you thank you. And thanks for, thanks for hosting us for EXO this coming weekend. Guys, if you're listening right now and you haven't yet registered for the XO Marriage Conference at Fellowship Church, get signed up. You can go to xomarriage.com and get all the details. I promise this is going to be an incredible year. Just looking at the lineup, I'm, I'm giddy with excitement.
I am too. And for you, those of you who are premium subscribers, please make sure that you go on over to your premium subscription and listen to some more Golden Nuggets from this couple right here because it's going to be awesome.
We'll see you next time.
Bye, guys.
Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day. Yeah. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment.
$45 for three month plan equivalent to 15 per month. Required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow hacker 35 gigabytes of networks busy taxes and fees extra. See mint mobile.com.