Having Hard Conversations with The Girl Named Blake

Hello and welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And you guys, this interview is probably one of my favorites because we laugh so much.

That's so fun.

But it's also got. It goes really deep.

Yeah. At the same time, it is. It is a beautiful blend of humor, entertainment and all that, but real depth and very deep. And you're gonna love our guest today.

You are gonna love her. But before we get to her and Dave's gon say a little bit about her in just a minute, I want to share a recent review. Guys, thank you so much for listening and for leaving reviews. Like we, we are just always so honored that you would even take the time to leave a review. And it excites us because it actually is a great way to let people know about this podcast. So if you love this podcast, you've been listening for a long time or even a short time, please just take a minute and go leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts. It's just, it means the world to us and it helps get the word out. So here's today's review. And. And it is a five star review. Thank you so much. It's from A and jbr and it says this. I am a huge fan of this podcast. I have been married just under two years and have listened to almost 60 episodes since discovering Dave and Ashley a few months ago. I highly recommend it to couples of all backgrounds and life stages. And I love that because the fact that people from all backgrounds and seasons of marriage and life stages can benefit from this, that's our heart. We want. We want to always meet people right where they are. So I love that review.

Guys, thank you for taking the time to share reviews. And it really does help other people discover this podcast. So if this podcast has been meaningful to you, it's a great way to let other people know about it. And I love it when you, sweetie, read reviews because you put on those sexy reading glasses that.

Well, because I can't see.

Well, you could be a reading glasses model. It's one of your many, many skills. Hey guys, like I said, we've got a great guest today. Blake Guiche, better known as the girl named Blake on Instagram and also as the host of Confessions of a Crappy Christian Podcast, which is one of the most fun and meaningful podcasts out there. And if you know Blake already, you're gonna be in for a treat if you've never heard of her you're gonna be in for a treat as you are introduced to, really, this incredible young leader who is doing so much to kind of lead the way in having important conversations that often people in the church are afraid to have.

Yes.

And she does it with so much fun and authenticity. And I know you're going to enjoy today's interview, so let's dive in. Hey, friends, like I said in the intro, you are in for such a treat. Today we've got the Girl Named Blake, the host of Confessions of a Crappy Christian Podcast and the author of a brand new book by the same title. She is incredible. So memorable, so authentic. Such a unique and awesome and entertaining, compelling voice in our culture right now. And just a ton of fun as well. So, Blake, welcome to the Naked Marriage podcast.

I'm so excited to be here.

Thank you. I'm so excited to talk to you. You know, we had a conversation on your podcast and we had so much fun.

So fun.

We're glad to finally have you on our podcast and really talk about your new book. But also, for people who don't get follow you on Instagram, Dave and I were just talking the other day, your Instagram handle, which is a girl named Blake. Right. Am I saying that right? Or the girl named Blake, then the girl named Blake, which I love that. And just the things you share on there, you're just so honest and real and exactly what our world needs. And not only that, you do it in such a respectful yet just truthful way. Right. It's thought that not many people can say. And we were talking about even, like.

Delicate and culturally divisive issues. You just go there and I love it. And the way that you. You add commentary on that, it's something that's fresh and it's something that's so insightful and like, I'm always excited to just see what you have to say about stuff.

Yes.

Yes.

I feel like, is my head getting.

Big for this moment?

It's like y' all are just like, hyping me up so much.

No, but it is so good and I love to it. It really provides people a place to engage in a respectful way. Even if you have different thoughts on things, like, even if they don't agree with what you're saying. The way that you help people to engage and actually talk about stuff, it's just refreshing. So if people are looking for a place like that, follow the Girl Named Blake on Instagram and you're gonna get that and much more. And so I just wanted to put that out there, because we love it. Like, we were just talking about that the other day.

We're huge fans. We're gonna name our next child Blake, whether it's a boy or a girl.

There you go. It's a. I mean, look. There you go. Like, I mean, it can go either way. That's hence my Instagram handle. Because if I get called Mr. One More Time in my life.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, my goodness.

I love it. I love it. Hey, before we dive into the book stuff, since it is every time we have someone on the Naked Marriage podcast, we love to hear some of their marriage story, their love story. And I know you've got a great one. But also, you know, you're honest about the fact that in 2017, you guys went through some really hard times, and people maybe love hearing those stories is the wrong word, but they really appreciate those kinds of stories because it gives them hope when. When they're going through hard times to know, like, hey, you've come through it. What can we learn from your story? So tell us. Tell us a little bit about how you. How you guys first got together and what life's been like since.

Yeah.

Yeah. So we met. When we met, I was 21. So Jeremy's seven and a half years older than me. So he was, like, 28, had been in the workforce for, like, 10 years by then, owned a house. I'm just like this little baby that, like, just started to be able to buy alcohol legally, like, like, still in college. And I was in a long term relationship in college. I dated the same guy all four years of college, and it was awful. It was so toxic and so unhealthy. We both were. It was just a mess. And so Jeremy and I became friends through church. We met at our church community group. And, like, I definitely thought he was hot. He was so much older than me that I was like, I'm a child. Like, what? He would never. And I was in a relationship. But so that guy and I broke up. And days later, I get a text from Jeremy. Hey, just want to let you know that I'm here for you if you need anything. Like, he did the, like, I'm here thing. Yeah, it was really smooth. I genuinely took it as platonic because again, in my head, like, he was just so, like, he was genuinely out of my league. And so I. We, like, I went to. He was playing, like, league softball, and I, like, went to a couple of his games. And it sounds ridiculous, but after one of the games he came out of, like, from the Field and gave me this like a hug and I was like, oh yeah, this is happening. Yes, this is happening. And it's so funny because years after, like people that were around were like, oh, everybody knew from that moment, everybody knew. Y' all were like, this was it. This was endgame. So two weeks after I got out of a four year relationship, I was dating Jeremy and. And God has used him to like, he used Jeremy to like heal so much in me. Cause he's such a good man. And it was the complete opposite of the relationship that I'd been in to the point where there were a few times I tried to like end the relationship because I was like, this is too good, this is too easy. This is like too great. We dated for a year, got engaged on our one year anniversary, got married five months later, got pregnant the next year. So we actually celebrate our 10 year anniversary. We'll be on our 10 year anniversary trip when my book comes out. Oh, that's great. We're actually going to Colorado and renewing our vows and having a whole thing we're really excited about. But in 2017. So I just brought him home from his corporate job. He'd been in corporate America since he was 17 and he just turned 40 this year and it was sucking the life out of him. And it has been for about the last, I'd say seven or eight years. Like the first couple of years he was still like low enough on the totem pole that he could be a human. But as he kind of climbed the ranks, it just became so stressful. He was working 65 to 70 hour weeks. He was never home. He was, it was just, he was a shell of a human. And we had two young kids that are 18 months apart. And I struggle with postpartum anxiety really bad both times. And so we just became like ships passing in the night. Like we just. I wouldn't even go as far as to say we were roommates. Cause roommates talk more than we did. Like we just like we're so exhausted and neither of us were taking care of ourselves. We weren't prioritizing our marriage. And he's now gotten comfortable with like me. I'm like the more obviously the public facing one of the two of us that like he was also struggling with depression and he had some like vitamin and hormonal deficiencies that he was like unwilling to go get taken care of. And it kind of like all came to a head this one night where I like fell and hurt myself and he like didn't care we were so detached from one another that he was like, okay, like he forgot my birthday, that it was just really, really bad. And I walked inside and was like, I'm gonna get an apartment. I don't wanna live with you anymore. I don't even like you. That was just straight up, like, this is awful. I would rather be alone than in the same room with you anymore. And he comes from a family that is riddled by divorce. And so it was that broke him. And I'm not saying that I was perfect. I was definitely bringing things to the table, like I was naggy and you know, all of that kind of stuff. But he has like, since then said that he knows he was a lot of, he was a lot of the catalyst. I said I was, I felt like I was doing CPR on our marriage and I couldn't do it anymore. And so that in that moment, like, thankfully, by the goodness of God, like that was enough of a wake up call for him. He called and made a doctor appointment the next day, made a therapy appointment right after that, got on the medications that he needed, started going to therapy. And I mean, I'm talking within weeks. I was like, oh, he's back, he's back. You know, and I mean now, you know, however long math is not however long 2017 was ago. Like, he is my best friend. The idea of bringing him home from work sounded awful. Like I was like, no, stay at work. Can, can, can you get an apartment there? Like, just don't come home. Like, you're just no fun to be around. And now, like, we spend every moment of every day together. We hate being apart. He is my best friend. He's the best part of my life. And that is just a testament to something that only God can do.

That is, that's amazing. I love it.

And I just know, I hope people really leaned in and I'm sure they did and listened to all that you were talking about because I do think so many people can relate to having seasons like that in their marriage and really being like, I don't know if we're gonna make it through this, you know, and sometimes it is, it's because we're not, you know, willing to get the help that we need. And I do think that especially as Christians. And I know, like, you're big on this too, taking the stigma off going and talking to your doctor and getting medications you need. You know, I, we are all about that too, because it really, you know, it's multi pronged. It's not like that's the fix all. But that is one of the prongs. Like, that is one of the things that you need. I mean, we've walked through that ourselves. We've shared about that.

I'm there now. Like, I got to a place that sounded very similar to what Jeremy went through.

Yeah. And how I was feeling.

My hormones were way off. You know, I've got an autoimmune thing going. Like, you know, my body just didn't work right. And now and then I didn't. I hate going to doctors. So Ashley finally talked me into going and it really took several. Right. And it put us on a journey. It wasn't just one and done. Like, it's been a journey, really, a multi year journey. But now, like, I feel so good, and I feel like I'm myself again.

Well, no, I had that day, Blake, because it's really been in this past year. It just. It wasn't Dave, like, he was just not himself. And he felt it too, but he didn't know what the. He didn't. He would. He would say things like, I feel funky. I'm so sorry, but I don't know what to do. Like, I just don't know what to do.

Right. Like, I know I'm not.

I know I'm not pleasant right now, you know, and he would. Because I'd be like, oh, that wasn't quite like you. And because he's such a happy go. Lucky guy most of the time. And I'm telling you, after you finally got kind of, you know, he's been through therapy, he's gone to doctors. And you do your supplements and your medications. You got that right. And of course, always praying, always believing, always, you know, always in the word. I mean, this is a man that wakes up every day and prays and reads the word. Always has since I've known him. But it was like one day, literally, I looked over you and I'm like, oh, my gosh, there you are.

I'm back.

I missed you.

I'm back.

But I think that it's like, it's sticking that out. Like, obviously, this. That's. We're not talking about situations.

No, no, no. Use.

Or, you know, narcissism. Like, things that people are unwilling to get help for. But, like, you have to stick it out.

You do.

It's like, it's like going shoulder to shoulder with somebody and being like, all right, we're gonna figure this out together.

Like, we're gonna be there for each other even in our unpleasantness sometimes. But. And I'M glad you said about abuse. You know, we get those kind of questions all the time. We've talked a lot about that, but definitely a whole different situation. Emotional and physical is what we're referring to. Like those completely different. But thank you so much for sharing that. I want to make sure we talk about our book. We could just talk about this all day. Yeah.

And. But like, even like before, I guess the step before the book is like, kind of tell us the genesis of the podcast, because I know, like, like, how did you know? How did, like, that's that start. You've had just such a great voice right now, such a big following, and it's amazing. And you're. You're so in your sweet spot, in your gifting, and you're a voice we, we need. But, like, how did that start? Was that always on your heart is something you wanted to do? Like, I'd just be interested in, like, that story.

Yeah. No, Yeah. I always tell people, if I had gone my way, like, nobody would know my name. I would live on a farm and I'd have free range chickens and free range babies and, like, just, I'd have a totally different life. And I love my life, love my life, but this is not what I would have picked. But so 17 was the year that things got really bad by the end of that year. So we really spent 2018 healing our marriage and getting to know each other again and also kind of getting to know ourselves again. When you're drowning like that, you start to lose parts of yourself. What do I like? I'm doing CPR on this marriage all the time. Like, I don't have time to. What do I like, what do I want to do? What do I enjoy?

What.

What makes me happy? You know? And so 2018 was really an opportunity for both of us to find that. My husband got really into woodworking, and he's incredibly talented at that. And I started writing, like, I just started kind of writing like longer Instagram captions, you know, Like, I wasn't. Wouldn't say I was blogging. I was just kind of like mini vlogging. And people were receptive to that. Nothing crazy. By the time I started my podcast, I think I had like 990 followers. And. But I was talking a lot then about hustle culture, because I am like, I'm a goer, I'm a doer. I owned a wedding planning business before, and I was. I worked my last wedding 38 weeks pregnant with my second kid. Just. It was insane. And I ended up Having, like, my own medical crash and burn. And so I was talking a lot about that and kind of just starting to introduce myself into, like, the digital world. Instagram started listening to podcasts, and I just. I felt, like, too much for everything. I found everybody just seemed like they had it together, and it was like, everything was, like, for women specifically, it was, like, pink and flowers and. Which is fine. Like, I am not. That is great. And I know that that is for some people. My favorite color is black. I, you know, like, I own every Tim Burton movie ever made. Like, I'm weird, and I just couldn't find, like, my voice. I couldn't hear my voice, like, coming back to me. And so about. It was actually. It was October. I was at the silos and in Waco, sitting, like, you know, amongst the. What they have created. And I was just like, I think I'm gonna start a podcast. That was literally. I think I'm gonna start a podcast. God dropped Confessions of a Crappy Christian in my lap. I did not. It just, like, dropped in my brain. I love alliteration and just dropped in my brain. And it was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to boast in my weakness. I wanted to talk about mental health. I wanted to talk about the things that I didn't feel like the conversations I was seeing within the church. And so October and November, I busted butt and got it put together and launched it on my 30th birthday. It was like, my 30th birthday present myself. And I had absolutely no idea what I was in for. What it. Like, I was so excited when I got a thousand downloads the first week. I was like, this is it. Like, this is. This is the best it gets. God was like, Stratton, like, going for a ride, right? I had no idea that I ended up, like, talking about politics and talking about, you know, sharing so much of myself and my life and growing to where it has. I had no idea.

Well, it's been so. I love it again, like, it's such a voice that is needed. And I. I love that you were like, I'm gonna. I'm. You know, you were looking for kind of somebody you could relate to. And when you don't feel like you're finding it, it's like God's calling you to it. You know, God's, like, pointing the finger at you, like, hey, you're somebody. So I'm glad you did that, you know?

Yeah.

I love it. So awesome.

Yeah, it really is. And so needed. And as huge as things are right Now, I firmly believe, like, the rocket ship has not even entered orbit yet. Like, you are going such big places. And you know, I'm going to tell our grandchildren, I know that girl named Blake. That's right, dad. You don't know that.

Terrible.

You don't know the president. I know that president.

Oh, my gosh. I promise I will never. Well, never say never. I'm like, I will never be president. And God's like, I won't. I really. I don't think that's going into the realm of politics. I think my past is a little too shady.

Clearly, no one can be disqualified for past mistakes, you know? True. You're fine.

I'm fine. My laptop is comparatively.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.

I love it. So good talk about the podcast.

Go ahead, sweetie. Well, tell us about the book. Like, kind of just that, you know, I'm. It's. It's a whole. It's a whole new world. Like, this is the very first book, the first of many bestsellers coming from Blake.

Yep.

And so tell us, at what point in the journey did you say that's the next step? This is what I want to put in the book.

Yeah. I didn't. Tyndale. My book is published to Tyndale. Tyndale actually found me and asked me if I wanted to write a book. I had the bones of not even actually a proposal. I had a Google Doc with some stuff in it that was, maybe one day I'll write a book. But I didn't. I knew from being in that world. Let's see. I guess I'd been in, like, the Internet world for two years by then. I knew how much it took to get a book deal. And I was like, I don't have the time to get an agent. I was raising babies. My husband was still working like crazy. I actually had a full time job at the time. I ended up going back to work and working in communications for a church. I was like, there's just no way. I'm not gonna get an agent. I'm not gonna write a whole, like, proposals. They take forever, I think, oh, my gosh. They take forever. And coming up with everything. And I was just like, I'm just not gonna do all of that. And then I get an email from an editor at Tyndale. It's like, hey, have you ever thought about writing a book? And I was like, actually, I've been thinking about writing a book. I've wanted to write a book. I wrote my first book when I was 11. Like, you know, like, in school, like, I've always. I have always loved to write. I've always loved to read. And so I, like, signed on with Tyndale, and they held my hand through the process because I had no idea what I was doing. Nobody does the first time. But I just, you know, and there were definitely a few things that I had to kind of go toe to toe with with signing on within very traditional evangelical publishing house, that there were things that I was like, no, like, that's not what I want to say. This is what I want to say, you know, like, no, that's how everybody else is saying it. This is. That's not what I wanted. That's not what I mean. But all in all, it ended up. I'm. I'm so proud of the book that we put together. And I. My hope is that it. I really do think that it will set people free is, like, my main hope that. Because I think the silence keeps us in chains. Like, not talking about these things that we are literally all struggling with, but nobody's talking about. Like, no, like, break those chains, pull it into the light where it can, like, be, you know, redeemed in Christ and, like, go run in the fullness of grace. And what he has for you is my hope. So I'm really excited.

I love that. I'd love to talk. You know, we just want to give a little taste because we want people to go get the book. But what are some of those things that you feel like the church, maybe traditionally, you know, in the. In the past, hasn't really talked about, and that's ultimately hurt people in the process. What are some of those things?

Yeah, there's a whole chapter that we ended up changing the chapter titles, but I wanted to title it the Emancipation of the Proverbs 31 woman. We ended up calling it, like, am I Too Much or Not Enough? But just I felt so, like, I don't know, pressured by this woman that existed in the Bible that everybody was talking about all the time. And I was nothing like her because everybody told me that she was so quiet and so meek and just did whatever her husband told her to do. And then I, like, studied the proverbs. 31 woman. I actually went through a study, like, in a Bible study, and that was the takeaway and was like, this can't be. Can't be. Like, this can't be. I'm just like, I. And I think a lot of women walk away from that feeling like they were just made wrong. Like, what is wrong with Me. Why am I not? Why am I so loud? Why am I so opinionated? Why am I so driven? And so I did my own study of the Proverbs 31 woman and walked away. Like, I love her. She was awesome. Like, she killed it. Everybody respected her because she worked hard and she showed up. And her husband knew that he could count on her to run that house and make money. Homegirl owned a vineyard. That's not easy. Like, she was, like, a bad a. Like, she was awesome. And I was like, that's who. Like, that's who I want to tell my daughters about. Like, that's who I want to model for my girls. I want them to grow up knowing. Like, I respect my husband. He is the head of this household. I will submit to his leadership every single minute of every day. But in the meantime, I'm going to kill it. Like, I'm going to kill it, and I'm going to run in the fullness of my giftings. So that's. That's been like, people that have gotten to read the book that's overwhelmingly been one of their favorite chapters. I talk about the mental health stigma. Why are we Christians so weird about it? Why do we think even, like, as we've gotten better about it now, it's like, okay, therapy is acceptable. It's like, no, I need Prozac. I'm sorry, my brain doesn't make enough serotonin. I don't know what to tell you. And there's a couple chapters about friendship breakups, like, the ending of relationships. I think we see a lot of content about how to make new friends, how to be a good friend friend, which is great. I think that's necessary. But also friendships end and seasons end, and sometimes they end really nicely and neatly, and sometimes it's messy. What do we do with that? How do we forgive? How do we, like, make. How do we make new friends after we've been burned? How do we create boundaries and not walls? And so that's just. That's just three that I feel like I just talked a ton. But it's. It's. It's all of the things that I'm really passionate about.

I love it, and it is stuff that's not talked about very often.

Yeah. And the way that you address these things, not only in the book, but just in general, on your podcast, on Instagram, on all places, it's just so needed, and it's so refreshing. And I think you've really got a gift for connecting with people. I mean, you connect with People all over the place. But for those people that feel like they've been alienated by the church, and right now, there's a lot of church hurt. A lot of folks that are like, you know what, you know, church wounded me or that pastor I was following, he did something stupid. And so, like, I'm just. Yeah, I'm out. I'm gonna be a Christian from a distance. I'm gonna be a lone ranger.

And I get that. I get that There is a chapter about church hurt. And it's. It's funny because we actually had a journalist reach out and want to interview me about deconstruction. And I was like, well, this book is the anti Deconstruction. It's. I guess it's deconstruction with the intention to rebuild. Like, yeah, you may need to take some things down to, like, base level, but we're not gonna stay there. You're not gonna. You know, like, we were created for community. And yes, the church gets it wrong sometimes, but you gotta, like, get back on the horse. Like, you know, it's. It's that. It's. It's taking. Maybe, like, we have the responsibility of taking leaders off of pedestals because we are putting, like, we are. We are idolizing them, and then when they mess up, it. We. It impacts us. Us. And I tell the stories of us. I've left two churches out of really, like, significant hurt. But, like, I still go to church.

Yeah.

And I don't mean that, like, in a judgmental way. Like, I think that there is a season that you may need to take a break. But, like, I'm always going to be encouraging people to get back into community in some form or fashion because, like, the church hurt you.

Jesus gets you.

Yes. It's so good. And, like, I've.

Yeah.

Like, I've. I've told people there's no perfect church, but church is still a perfect part of God's plan for every believer. And. And so, yeah, like, your church isn't perfect, and the. The people who lead it aren't perfect. But. But it's.

And I do think we expect perfection. And then we're so disappointed. Like, are there things about the church that I go to now that I'm not, like, over the moon about? Sure. It doesn't mean that I'm like, all right, I'm out. Like, you know, I think you stay and be a part of the change.

Exact. Exactly. And just being the church, but getting involved, you know, I think people miss out on that. But I do think I Think your book is going to be such a great place that people can feel, like, seen, you know, I think they'll feel seen. Like, oh, my gosh, I have been feeling this for years and didn't know how to articulate it. That's how I've been feeling, you know, And I think, too, they're going to, you know, realize that there is literally a place for everyone in God's kingdom. Like, God made us all so different. We're not cookie cutters of each other. And that's why I just love how you talk about it in such an honest and healthy way and give people license, you know, because of your vulnerability and candor, it gives other people license to do the same thing, to say, like, oh, this is me. Like, I'm going to be me. I'm going to walk in the fullness of God and then the giftings he's given me. And that's. That's so empowering. So empowering.

It is. And I really believe this book is going to. Is gonna bring healing to some people that have, like, let some of those areas of baggage just hold them down in a way that Jesus wants to set him free from. And.

Yeah, yeah. And I talk about that. That, like, there are things in this book that I have been wrestling with for years. Like, I. I'm. It is, It's. It doesn't paint, like, the prettiest picture of me. Like, I do not walk away from this book with, like, I look like I've got it all together and have, like, figured it out. Like, there are multiple chapters where I'm like, look, I'm in this with you. Like, this person hurt me. And, like, I still. I don't know. Don't really. And that's okay. You know, like, that's okay. I'm figuring it out. I'm in process with you. You don't have to be perfect to write a book.

Definitely not. There would be no books. That was the requirement.

There would be no books. Exactly.

So, so true. Like, you. You are a breath of fresh air in a stuffy world.

That's right. Yes.

And we just appreciate you and just.

Same right back at you. Like, I wish that I would have known about your ministry when my marriage was drowning because you guys do this with such authenticity and, like, it's not like, beep, boop, beep, boop, like, we love each other. Like, you know, like, I feel like, so much marriage content. I'm like, I know. I know about love. I got love. It's not. I don't like him. It's not about loving him. I don't like him. Like, help me there.

Well, that means the world coming from you, definitely. So thank you for that. That's so sweet.

And again, like guys who are listening right now or watching or wherever you are in the world, go check out the Girl Named Blake on social. Buy this book, Confessions of a Crappy Christian. You will love it. In fact, buy two, buy one for yourself and one to give it away to the crappiest Christian friend you have.

That's right.

Perfect. But don't send them all back because I am the crappiest person.

This book is a breath of fresh air and it's meaty and meaningful, and I'm just so thankful for your ministry. And I just hope this book takes off and people all over are reading it and talking about it because it's going to lead to some great, great conversations. So thank you for writing it and thank you for all you're doing and. And thanks for making some time for us today.

Yes. Oh, thank you for having me. This was fun.

All right, guys, we will see you next time on the Naked Marriage podcast. Do us a favor and share this episode with somebody. Share it on social, text it to someone and just say, hey, this conversation was a lot of fun and really meaningful and I think you'd enjoy it, too. We love and appreciate you guys. We'll see you next time.

You.