Help! We have Money Issues // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day. Q and A time.

Hump day.

Q and A. Hump day Q and A.

Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday, we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

It says, hello. I've been listening to your podcast for a few months and love your content. Thank you for being so real and honest and encouraging couples through your experiences. I've learned so much that I attempt to incorporate in my marriage. I have one question topic I'd be very interested in hearing you guys talk about. It's the topic of money. How can a couple build a shared vision about money? How can each spouse move past their own perspectives and experiences with money, which often lead to disagreements and fights, and build a shared perspective as a couple? Thank you. May God continue to bless your ministry.

Wow.

I mean that basically, you know, we could put that question at the beginning of this episode and just say, listen to everything Jeff and Shanti have said, because I don't know if we've ever had a question that was so answered by the, you know, by the content that we've talked about. So. So Jeff and Shanti, you've been really answering that question this whole time, so.

Yes, but I think the key words there. The shared vision. Yeah, the shared vision. I love how she said that. And so what would you say?

So it's actually funny. The. Really? That's the core of obviously what we were talking about. Yes. And there's. There's two things that you're gonna have to do in order to get to that shared vision. One is you're gonna have to talk about all the stuff just said. Right. What are your. What are the things you don't realize that the other person cares about that. Wow. Okay. Maybe it is legitimate and I need to honor that. All of that stuff is going to matter. But at the bottom line, we don't realize that sometimes we're kind of just resisting being one in marriage, period. We kind of just want to do what we want to do, and it's coming out in how we handle money and that if you want a shared vision, you have to go, oh, my gosh, it can't just be me doing my thing over Here, you doing your thing over here. You know, my paycheck goes into my account. Your paycheck goes into your account. It can't be you and me. It has to be we, right? It has to be us as one. And that requires kind of getting over yourself and really being willing to give up some of the things that you wanted to do or handle a different way.

I love that. That's so true. I mean, you're right. It's all about we. It can't be this, you know, just sticking your heels in and saying, like, this is who I am. I'm doing it this way. I don't care what you think. Cause that's not gonna get you anywhere. And I do think you're so right, Chaunti, that a lot of times this isn't just happening when it comes to money. There's probably other areas of the marriage where that's happening as well. So, you know, but once a couple is able to have this shared vision about money, it usually can help in other areas of the marriage. And so, you know, as far as getting on the same page with budgets, tithing, saving, what would you say, kind of another way to word this is what would you say to a couple in urging them to create goals together?

Well, in order to create the goals, you have to do what we were talking about earlier, right? You have to be able to talk about it, because otherwise you're going to get defensive, somebody's going to avoid it. There'll be frustrations. So you have to be able to talk about it in order to create the goals together. Realistically, when you ask. Ask yourself one question, really, I mean, and be very honest, which is, am I trying to do money in the way I want to do money? Like, that's a really tough question to ask yourself. You're not going to be able to create the shared goals if the answer is yes, the way I want to do money. And honestly, let me put this in a very kind of basic way. You may have listened to what I said a few minutes ago and go, oh, well, we don't have a problem with being one in marriage around money. I mean, we don't have separate bank accounts, and my paycheck goes here, and your pay, you know, it's all our money. That's not an issue for us. And maybe it's not. You know, maybe you are one. Maybe you can come up with shared goals. But maybe ask yourself this. Do you ever try to pull the Amazon package off the front step before your spouse sees it? Oh, Yeah, I mean, like, there's so many little ways that we have to be honest with ourselves that, oh, wow, I kind of am trying to do money the way I want to do money. So in order to have those shared goals, you have to come to grips with that in yourself. Once you do, once you're honest, then you can tell your spouse, you know, kind of tend to try to pull the Amazon package off the front step before you see it. Yes, I'm going to be accountable. We're going to come together, and at that point, you're now very transparent. You're now very vulnerable. If both of you are doing that, literally, those shared goals are as easy as getting a piece of paper out and a pen and writing them down and deciding what you're going to start with.

I love that. And it's all about staying transparent. But getting to that point, I think, is maybe the hardest part for some people. If you've not been doing that, and if you've not been. You know, we talk on this podcast, it's called the Naked Marriage, because it's talking about having no secrets in marriage. But for some reason, when it comes to money, I do think people, they see it as, like, a little white lie, like, it's harmless. If I take that Amazon package without my spouse knowing, what's the big deal? But it is a big deal, because you're never going to have those shared goals. You're never gonna be able to get on the same page if you have all these little secrets about money and about other things, too. So I just love that, and I just appreciate you guys sharing such a wealth of wisdom with the audience. I know there's so many conversations, great conversations that I know are gonna happen when they finish listening to this podcast. We have a lot of couples that will listen separately and then come together and discuss it. And so I just. I encourage all of you who are listening discuss it. If you wanna go deeper, and I hope you do, please get your hands on Thriving in Love and Money by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. It is an amazing resource.

That's right.

There's an assessment as well. I think you mentioned that at the beginning.

Yes.

And it's a free assessment. It'll tell you where you're.

I love it. And that's thriveinloveandmoney.com and it's free. It'll kind of get you rolling. But get the book and do exactly what they said with highlighting and circling and helping your spouse to understand your point of view and helping you both to have more peace in your marriage when it comes to money. Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.