Holiday Traditions

Hello, and welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we undress the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And, you guys, this is my favorite time of year. We are entering into the Christmas season, and I am ecstatic, and I just want to sing Christmas carols all the time, and I want to just deck the halls, literally, with boughs of holly. How are you feeling, sweetie?

I'm still full from Thanksgiving. I took gluttony to a whole new level this year, and I'm going to need some baggier clothes under the tree this Christmas.

Too much good food.

I'm excited. I'm excited about this time of year. I love this time of year. And we've got a really fun episode talking about kind of some of our own holiday traditions, some of how our family has celebrated Christmas through the years, and hopefully in a way to spark new ideas to help you and your spouse form and keep doing your holiday traditions. And then at the end, to kind of like, switch gears at the end for our Q and A time, we've got a really important question that doesn't have anything to do with the holidays, but it's from a wife whose husband's interaction with a coworker, a female coworker, has made her uncomfortable. And I think it's an important question, an important topic, and so we're gonna dive into that. So stick around to the end. So let's dive in.

It's the most wonderful time of the year. All right.

Yes. I love it.

I'm a Christmas freak. I know we just, you know, passed Thanksgiving, but, you know, archery's up and totally ready to go.

Yes. Someone please help me, because ESPN has not been on at my house for weeks. It's been nothing but Hallmark movies.

Oh, yes.

That have the same plot, the same. Two actresses falling in love with the same.

They get a lot of work with.

These movies, and it's, you know, exactly what's happening. It's Christmas in Montana. Or, you know, it's like. It's.

Let me tell you. Let me just explain this to those of you who are not Hallmark fans. The reason that we love Hallmark is because everything is so perfect. Like, the. The sets are perfect, the weather is perfect. The houses are just decked to the nines. The Christmas, you know, cocoa is so perfect, and, like, their hair is perfect and their clothes are perfect. You know, they got the winter aesthetic just down pat. It's just. It's like, you don't have to think much. It doesn't take a lot of brain power to take in what's going on in these movies. And I just need more of them in my life. And around Christmas time, it just. I get a little obsessed.

Well, that is one of Ashley's traditions. And every now and then it's a shared tradition, but for the most part, I try to stay away from Hallmark, but every now and then I'll get pulled in. But we wanna talk about holiday traditions because it is important. And I think traditions give. They give structure, they give some meaning, and they give warmth and nostalgia tying us back to the past, present and future, all kind of tying together through our traditions.

Yes.

And we live in a world where, like, any kind of tradition is becoming less and less valued. And I think now more than ever, you know, now with all the crazy things we've been through the last couple years, I think now more than ever, we need to find comfort in some healthy traditions and maybe start establishing some new healthy traditions. And the holidays are a great time to do it. We hope you guys had a great Thanksgiving. I think Thanksgiving is an opportunity for a lot of traditions. But looking ahead, now that it's nothing but Christmas music and Christmas stuff everywhere you look, and it is a really fun time of year, we want to talk about some Christmas traditions. And before we dive in, though, just a little quick side note. I know that this is a wonderful time of year for a lot of folks, but this is a stressful time of year for a lot of us. Christmas just sort of amplifies whatever's going on. The good stuff in your life feels better, but the hard stuff in your life feels harder. The strain in your family feels harder. The financial pressure feels more difficult. I mean, so just give yourself a lot of grace during this time and don't feel like you're the only one who's stressed, because a lot of people are going through a lot of stress right now. And we just pray for those who are carrying something because, I mean, really, everybody's carrying something, I suppose. But we don't want to dwell on the hardship in this episode. We want to talk about some of the positive of having healthy traditions in your marriage. And then once you have children in your family and how passing those on to your kids and living them out in your marriage can be one of the sweetest, sweetest things you can do as a family.

That's right. And I love Christmas traditions. I grew up in a home that. My mom especially, she had a lot of traditions. And I know, Dave, your mom was exactly the Same way and still is. And, you know, there would be certain decorations that we traditionally put out. My mom actually had this. This little thing she did, and I don't even know what she called it when we were growing. But around the 12 days before Christmas, she would set out this. This sleigh, and then, like, little presents that were made out to my sister. Like, it had our names on it. So there was one for my sister Morgan, one for me, would magically appear every day, 12 days before Christmas in this little magical sleigh. And I loved it. And it would be, like, little practical gifts, like, you know, some chapstick or socks or. And then I'll be like, Christmas themed, you know, maybe a little piece of jewelry. Very inexpensive, but fun. And things I loved. And that was something I loved so much throughout my childhood that I decided to do it in our family. But here's what happened. So when we had kids, we started having children. In 2005, this little creature called the elf on the shelf became very popular. Many of you who are watching this and listening to this, you're like, oh, yes, I do. Elf on the Shelf. Well, I am a person who loves crafts. I love being creative. I kind of pride myself on being creative. I put a lot of thought into. Into decorating my home for Christmas. But when this little, little booger came into our lives, I. I really was like, you are the spawn of Satan. Like, why do we have to have another thing, guys? Why another thing? I mean, I know why the Elf on the Shelf people designed him because, you know, heyday, bring in the money. But I just was like, why? Like, why are we putting this pressure on ourselves? Because suddenly it wasn't that you just had your little elf on the shelf snowball appear, you know, magically out of the air for Christmas. It was that he had to do mischievous things. Like, you know, put stuff in your kitchen and like it. Like, parents spend hours on designing his. His crazy little mischievous acts.

You mean he's not real?

I know, right?

I know.

And kids love it. Like, and I have friends, you guys, like my friend Olivia. Olivia, if you're listening, you're amazing, and thank you for being such a great friend. But she loves this. And more power to her. She comes up with the most such innovative things. Innovative things.

Write her own book.

She literally could. Like, she literally could. And I love it. And I love it that she loves it. Like, it's not a burden to her. It's something that she looks forward to. But I think some people really hate the Elf on the shelf. Because it's like, another thing. And once you start it, guys, you're gonna go until they're gone. Like, until they're in college. You're doing that elf on the shelf. So you're committing. So here's what I did. I was like, listen, we already have a lot of traditions. This elf on the shelf thing. The kids are talking about it because, you know, kids who have the elf at their house come home. You know, they talk to their friends at school, and then those kids that don't have the elf come back to mom and dad, and they're like, where is our snowball? Like, why don't we have it off on the shelf? And so when that day happened, when. When our youngest was in kindergarten. I mean, I'm sorry. Our oldest, Cooper, was in kindergarten. I looked at Dave, and I was, like, thinking, I know you don't want to do this. And I'm thinking, I sure do not want to do this. So I was like, how can I have elf on the shelf in our home but not really have to do anything? And I was like, she's about to tell you something.

Maybe escape this Christmas for the better. Save you money and sanity.

People love it, so I'm not knocking it if you love it.

Yeah, keep. Keep doing it.

Keep doing it.

That's your thing.

But if it's the bane of your existence, here's an out. Okay, So I told you my mom did this sleigh tradition with us as kids, and so we did it as soon as our kids actually could understand what it was. So, like, when Cooper was, like, 2 or 3 or whatever, so I decided. I was like, you know what? Why can't our elf be invisible? And why can't he be the one who's putting those gifts in our magical sleigh every. Every day, 12 days before Christmas. And it worked, you guys. So the invisible elf.

It's not expensive stuff, by the way. No, no. It's like, dollar store stuff.

Dollar store. Yes. But the kids love it.

Love it. They love it. And every day, they run downstairs, the 12 days leading up to Christmas, and they tear that box, and it's like, you know, it could be a bag of skittles or it could be whatever, and they're just, like, awesome.

Our invisible elf came.

Yeah. They like that more than, like, some expensive thing they get on Christmas. Like, oh, this. This is lame.

Or. Or the fact that the. The elf on the shelf. Snowballs, pooping marshmallows. Like, this is so much better. They get a gift at the end of the day. So if you like Elf on the Shelf, you are amazing. You're better than me and I. Congratulations on being amazing at Elf on the Shelf. So I'm not knocking it, I'm just saying I'm lazy when it comes to this. And I'm like, and we're doing the invisible elf and that's work.

That's one of our things. You know, we've. We also dress them up in pajamas on Christmas morning and some of our, my favorite pictures of them are put them on our stairs in pajamas. You know, we go over when we go to my parents house. You know, my mom's great at like doing these, these organized games. Like it could be trivia, it could.

Be like money's involved.

Yeah. There's like prizes involved and it's interactive and she really puts a lot of thought and effort into it to really make it special. And she's always worked hard to make it special. She puts up a big, beautiful, elaborate tree early and is great with gifts. And her and dad, they just put on a feast and it's really a special time. And Ashley, she'll tell you about her parents. Her parents, her mom is an amazing decorator and hostess and loves the holidays and yeah, so we thankfully came from two sets of parents that really loved Christmas and worked to make it special and also worked to keep Christ in it. Like this isn't just about consumerism and it isn't just about cookies and all that, but I think that there's such a warmth when you remember and remind each other this is all about Jesus and we're celebrating him, but that Jesus came to bring joy and life. And it's good when we can use our creativity to bring joy in life around the whole season. And I think Jesus is all about some cookies. Right. So just enjoy those things, but don't forget that he's the reason. And so we try to throughout the whole season find ways to remind each other, remind our kids that, look, this is what it's about. It's not just about all the toys or cookies or you know, your, your skittles appearing in the sleigh in the morning, but that Jesus came to earth and that's the best news of all. And so we, we'll try to do things to remind us of that, you know, through the church services. Our church always does a lot of creative things around Christmas and we said we try to be very involved. There's a place near where we live that has this big elaborate outdoor Christmas light show that has all these cool Christmas lights and hot cocoa and stuff, but part of the light show that you drive through tells the Nativity story in lights and shows baby Jesus and shows ultimately to the cross. And it's really a creative way to celebrate in a festive, fun, memorable way that the kids love with their cocoa and hayrides and all this stuff. But they're being reminded of what it's all about. And so whatever you can do to root your traditions back into the message of the Bible and the fact that it's about Jesus, that makes it the most memorable.

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Wow.

Visit burlington.com coats for details. It does. And we always. That place is called Lights of the South. It's in Grovetown, Georgia, if you're ever in that area. It's kind of a suburb of Augusta, Georgia. But our kids, we actually go with our small group. It's become a tradition with our small group at church that every year, and we've been doing this how many years, and we have pictures of when they were little on the hayride, taking them through the lights. It's just been this standing tradition that we do with not only our family, but with these other families. And it's just awesome. You know, we also do a happy birthday Jesus cake because we want to make sure they know that it's Jesus birthday. I know you biblical scholars out there can say, well, I contest that it's actually December 25th. But that is kind of missing the point. It doesn't really matter the actual day. It's just that we're celebrating the birth of Jesus and being the savior of the world. And we talk all about the wise men and, you know, talk about, what were those gifts? What do they mean? And Dave always reads the Christmas story and goes through it with the kids, you know, every Christmas morning. And now that our kids can read, you know, and have been reading for a while, sometimes we'll have them read it.

Yeah.

And it's pretty awesome.

They read it really fast. They're just trying to get to the presence. But we still make sure that it is ready.

We do. And we do a big breakfast. You know, I do this Thing. The kids think I'm like a chef when it comes to this, but it really is simple. I replace the egg in the Bisquick pancake recipe. I replace the egg with a banana. And we call them banana pancakes or banana pancakes, because sometimes we like to throw in Spanish words. And anyway, the kids love it, and so they request their banana pancakes. We make bacon and eggs and all that stuff, and it just fills the house with that smell. And it's just. Just. It's a standing tradition, and the kids always look forward to it. We do that a lot of Saturdays, too, but. But on Christmas, for sure, we do that. And. And then we just really don't have an agenda. We'll usually spend all morning and even the early afternoon being lazy and just eating and enjoying our presents and spending time together. You know, every Christmas, there's usually an awesome Christmas movie on, so we'll probably watch that on tv. And then we usually pick, like, whatever movie we all want to see in the theater, and we'll go out later that day and see a movie in the theater. And so, you know, I don't think the traditions have to be complicated, but I think it's pointing to those, you know, don't underestimate, especially for those of you who have children, don't underestimate what those things mean to them. Because there's been certain Christmases where we haven't been able to go to Lights of the south because we had moved or we couldn't go. Do you know, certain things. And the children would be like, mom.

It'S not Christmas yet.

Missing it's not Christmas.

Yes, it matters to them, right?

And they'll hold you to it. So I remember I forgot to get the cake mix for my Happy Birthday Jesus cake. And Cooper, our oldest, was like, mom, we didn't do the Happy Birthday Jesus cake. And I think we threw something together, maybe a pancake. I think we, like, stacked some pancakes and had a candle and sang Happy Birthday, Jesus. So I make sure I stay on it, and Dave does, too. And we try to keep those traditions because they are so important, and they really do go towards the heart of what Christmas really means and receiving the greatest gift the world has ever known and will ever know in our Savior. And so it's so special. And it warms my heart even talking about it.

Yes, it really, really does. And now more than ever again, with kind of the chaos that we've all been through collectively over these last few years and that our kids. Our kids have kind of had part of Their childhood robbed because of the pandemic and just the difficulties that we're collectively facing. And I think now more than ever, kind of the comfort that can. And just being reminded that Jesus came and why he came, and then the sweet family comfort of gathering together and establishing or remembering those sweet traditions, they really give stability. They give us a sweetness and a safety in a time that's been really chaotic. And so be intentional about that. It doesn't have to be expensive, it doesn't have to be perfect, but just be intentional about doing those things or maybe starting those things that you would like to keep doing in the years to come.

Absolutely. And I want to add one other tradition that we've done off and on, depending on our children's ages and who was able to go. But early in our marriage, we would actually go serve. Usually if it wasn't on Christmas Eve, it was usually somewhere around there. I remember we've gone to the VA hospital before. We went with your family and just tried to. I think we. We gave blankets to them. And I know things are probably different in this Covid age, but we. We gave something to them to just kind of warm them, because a lot of these people have family that's far away and they may not necessarily be able to visit them. And it just really just means so much to those people. We've gone to nursing homes before and caroled. And these people in these nursing homes, I mean, we would give them like, a card and. And a little gift, and it just lit up their face, and it just made them feel so seen and important because they are. And a lot of times, again, these families can't necessarily get there, or maybe they just don't have close family members. And it just breaks my heart to think that people, especially around the holidays, are feeling like nobody cares. And so I just encourage you to find a place in your community to serve together. You know, with our kids, it's been a little hard because we have a large age gap, but we have a local dream center that our church helps run in our community. And there's been times we've been able to go and serve there, and it's just. It's one of my favorite things to do with our family. And I hope to be doing it more as our kids get to be more of the age that they need to be to go there. But that is. That is just, you know, being the hands and feet of Christ. And so I would encourage you, if that's not currently a tradition, try to find something. You guys can do. And maybe it is caroling. I mean, caroling is something that you don't have to have a certain age requirement. And I know everybody's kind of standoffish these days, but we need it more now, you know, now more than ever. And so maybe you get your family together and go carol somewhere and just show people the love of Christ. And it's just a really special, a special way to live out your faith, man.

So true. And enjoy this Christmas season. This is, I hope it's a great month for you as we get ready to start December, if you're listening now, is it as the, the day that this, you know, is out. We're coming into December really soon. But whenever you're listening to this, even if it's in the middle of July or something, I think that, that just thinking ahead to establishing traditions, not only at the holidays, but really all year round, those traditions that your kids are going to look back on you and your spouse can look back on with the fondest of memories, it's really worth implementing those things. Those simple things mean a lot. All right, so we're going to dive into today's question. And today's question submitted@nakedmarriagepodcast.com says this. My husband refers to one of his female co workers as Shorty because the other guys at work call her that. To me, that sounds like a flirty type of nickname. Is it appropriate to call another co worker a nickname like that? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I really don't like that. Yeah, no, I think probably your husband isn't thinking a thing of it because it's just kind of what people call her. But I totally get your perspective and I totally get your discomfort with the fact that he is giving what could very easily be taken as a flirty type of nickname. And so I don't know if you and your husband, if you've really expressed to him how much you're uncomfortable with this, but my first advice would just be to say, listen, I know you don't mean anything by it. That's what guys call her. That's just kind of what she goes by. But it just, it makes me uncomfortable. Right. And so if, if just out of respect, you know, to me, if you would just call her by whatever her actual name is, just so there's not any, like, any inkling of there being any kind of flirtation, even if everybody else is calling her that, I would appreciate it and see how the conversation goes from there. And he might, I don't know, I just think that that would be a good place to start the conversation. Don't, like, don't make him feel like, oh, you're flirting with this woman or you're doing this. Because in his mind, I'm sure he's not. Yeah, but it is something that. It's a blind spot, and all of us have blind spots. And I think it's a place where you can help him see that blind spot.

Right. And he may say, listen, this is literally what everybody calls her at work. I mean, it's on her name tag or, you know, it's on her desk. And maybe that is the case. I mean, Shorty sometimes it could be just like the name that most people call her. And so she's been like, well, this is my name. But I get where you're coming from. I mean, even in, like, some of the. The, you know, music today, like, in a lot of hip hop music, that Shorty term is a term of endearment that's often associated with flirtiness. And so, I mean, I get where you're coming from, and I get the discomfort with that. And so I think it is, you know, what Dave said is so good. And just assuming that it's not, you know, your husband is not trying to be flirtatious with this woman, but being just so honest with him about it and just say, like, it just makes me feel uneasy. Like there's some weird connection between you two. I think that's where you have to start and ask, too. Say, like, listen, is there any other name that she'll answer to? Because it just, you know, when you talk about it, it kind of. It just makes me feel uneasy. And. And also talk through that. Like, is there something else your husband has done or is doing that maybe also makes you feel uneasy? And so this thing is just kind of a drop in the bucket, so to speak. And if there is, talk to him about that, definitely, because maybe there is. I mean, think about that and pray about that and think, you know, why am I triggered by the name Shorty? Is there something else that he's done that's made me feel untrusting of him? And if there is, definitely talk about it and be open and honest about it.

You know, I'm really turned on by your knowledge of hip hop culture. And my gosh, you know, you were.

Really thinking of a song in particular, Shorty, But I know it's there. It's been around forever.

I think if you called her, I'm gonna start calling you Lil Shorty.

Like, you got that, Lil. Yeah, Lil's in there, too. L. Yes.

So that might just be.

I have a hard time saying that. I think it's my Kentucky accent, but, like, Lil is hard for me to say. I sound weird.

It's cute. Everything you say is really cute. But this is a really important question. We appreciate you sending it in, but, like, most issues, really is going to come down to just communication and you and your husband believing the best in each other, showing each other a lot of grace, but also being really clear on expectations and really clear on what you're feeling and why you're feeling it. And I think, again, leading off with that, listen, it makes me feel uncomfortable, and here's why. And I think that could be a good place to start the conversation. Thanks for your question and thank you guys for tuning in as always. Let me be one of the first to say Merry Christmas to you as we enter into this Christmas season.

Merry Christmas season.

Merry Christmas season. Enjoy your Hallmark. Enjoy whatever you're into.

Yes.

And we will look forward to seeing you back real soon.