How Do We Communicate Better? // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day Q and A time.

Hump day Q and A. Hump day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram at daveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

All right, here it is. It says, hey, y', all, and I love that. I just started listening to the podcast about two weeks ago and it's my new favorite now. To give you an idea, I follow and regularly listen to over 50 podcasts while I ride horses. LOL. I'm loving the question section at the end of your podcast and was wondering if y' all will have addressed it and. And I haven't heard it yet or if you can answer this. My husband and I have been married a bit over a year now, and I want to bring up the scary topic of kids. And we have a very good open communication type of relationship, but this one is so hard for me to bring up. I think I'm worried because he's not ready because life isn't perfect in quotation marks. He is the type to want to wait for life to basically tell us it's time, and that's not going to happen. Any suggestions on how to breach this topic in a casual way with. Without it being such a major moment? Thanks for having such a wonderful resource for helping people in marriage. Love y' all and hope to see y' all at an event sometime. We are only a few hours away. Thank you so much for that question and we hope to see you at the event too. So, sweetie, what do you think about this bringing up the topic of kids? You know, they're newlyweds, they want to have children. But she can tell there's some hesitancy, you know, when it comes to her husband. Like, he wants things to be perfect.

Yeah, I get that. And I think that on one hand, it's good to be prudent and to be a planner and all.

Absolutely.

But you gotta be able to talk openly about anything in marriage. Like, there shouldn't be be any topic where you're nervous to bring it up around each other. And I think some of that is just learning each other. And as newlyweds, it's okay that you're still Kind of learning. Learning each other.

Absolutely.

So don't feel guilty about that. But the goal here is to be able to talk about kids or sex or anything with just complete openness and honesty, to be able to share what you're both feeling, to not try to, like, condemn each other or judge each other for how you're feeling or push each other, but to really be honest about it and to tell him what you're feeling and ask him what he's feeling. And so I would just bring it up casually to just say, like, you know, I can't wait to have kids someday. If you were writing the script, when would you pick to start having children? Right. And just dive straight into it? You know, there's no. There's no perfect time to start the conversation. You just dive straight into it. And, you know, maybe from there some more clarity would pop up. But there's never going to be a perfect time. While I say there's a good. It's good to be a planner. Nobody ever feels ready to have kids. And the people that feel like they're ready, they're the ones that aren't ready the most because they're going into it blindly. Somebody said, before I had kids, I had. I had two different theories on how to raise kids. Now I have two kids and no theories because none of it works. But, you know, I'm figuring it out as well. They're all so different, and they're such a gift. It's not going to be anything like you imagine, but it's going to be way better. But there's harder and harder, but there's no way to fully prepare for it. You can do certain things, financially and otherwise, to, you know, to give a little bit of a foundation, and you can enjoy some time together the way we did. We had the first four years of our marriage was just us before we started our family. And I'm really thankful for that time. But there's just simply no perfect set of circumstances. I think that you both just have to pray together, talk together, and go from there.

That's right. Just being open and, you know, if you bring it up and he's, you know, hesitant, and he maybe has, like a grimace on his face and. Or nervous talking about it. I would say, hey, listen, why do you think, you know, the thought of having kids makes you nervous? What is it? Is it the financial part of it? Is it the physical exhaustion that, you know, is gonna come with raising kids, especially in those early years? You know, what is it? Are you unsure about what kind of parent you're gonna be and just reassure him, you know, reassure him and say, listen, there's never a perfect time, you know, if we can maybe save this amount of money, would that make you feel better if we have this in the bank so that we can kind of pad our finances, so to speak, for some of those things that come up with children, you know, or maybe we can go to a parenting class and it can bring you more peace about what it is to be a parent. But just like Dave said, I mean, there really is no perfect time. But I think if you can remove some of those topics that maybe do bring on some anxiety for your husband, that may go a long way in helping him to come to terms with having kids, because it sounds like he does want kids. It's the timing part of it. And so this gives you guys both a great excuse to have an honest heart to heart conversation. Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day. Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.