https://www.listennotes.com/e/70b443534c6a491b8e43991bd6b5160f

This.

Episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime. From streaming to shopping, Prime helps you get more out of your passions. So whether you're a fan of true crime or prefer a nail-biting novel from time to time, with services like Prime Video, Amazon Music, and fast free delivery, Prime makes it easy to get more out of whatever you're into or getting into. Visit amazon.com/prime to learn more.

You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day q a time. Hump day q a. Hump day q a.

Welcome to the naked marriage podcast. Hump day q a. We love answering your questions, so every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@NakedMarriagePodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram @daveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

We have a good question for you all today, and that is this. It says, why don't you guys put more emphasis on the importance of mutual climax? And Dave and I were talking about this before we hit record and we said, do we think they mean both experiencing a climax or do they mean both experiencing it at the same time? And I think they mean at the same time.

Because we do talk an awful lot about how climax should be the goal for both. And that's important. And we've talked about that so much, which leads us to believe they're probably referring to simultaneous. Simultaneous.

Climax.

Yes. Probably the better word. So that's the way we're going to tackle it. Like, what about the simultaneous climax, which of course is great. And, you know, it's, But it's kind of this elusive unicorn too, because it's so hard to get the timing exactly right. Right.

And it can put a lot of pressure on you.

Yeah. And if that's totally the goal, it's like getting these stars to align and some of it's out of your control. And then, like, if the guy feels like, oh, she's there, so now I can go ahead and climax.

And then she doesn't quite get there.

And she's not quite there, but then he's already too far down. He can't stop the train. And then he goes. And then there's not a whole lot that he can do to help her get there through intercourse. You know, he can still help her get there through clitoral stimulation, you know, stimulation through oral sex, through other things. But if you're trying to both climax through intercourse, once the guy finishes, there's not much that he can do because he can't maintain the erection after that for the most part, unless you wait for him to reset, which could take a long time. And it can be frustrating.

Like, I remember in the beginning of our marriage, I feel like we went through this a little bit because we were we were, you know, had the understanding that that was, that's how it's supposed to be, right? I mean, we were like, oh, this is what it's supposed to be as both go at the same time. And what we quickly found out, and gosh, in the years of doing marriage ministry, it's really not even about that. I mean, that is wonderful when that can happen. It's really awesome. But it's still just as awesome if you each serve one another and allow each to climax. And because the man is usually stimulated a lot quicker than the woman, it usually involves the man waiting on the woman a little bit. and causing both to slow down and to really give each other the space. However, as we shared on here very honestly, when Dave was going through a lot of his thyroid difficulties where he was unmedicated and he had testosterone issues and his levels had like plummeted, we had to be really kind of slower to get your mindset and your body to kind of cooperate. And so I feel like it's more about serving each other than timing out this simultaneous orgasm.

And I've had both extremes. Like, I mean, I've had I've had the extreme where, you know, sex drive was so high that I had a really hard time holding back. um, and then I've had other extremes where my testosterone got really low and I I had a hard time just with kind of performance in general for a while, which was super, uh, uncomfortable and not comfortable to talk about either, but we loved you guys enough to share our aagerness to make you feel better. Um but yet, where we've landed It is just, you know what? We're gonna both enjoy sex, we're gonna serve each other. And most people that write us and most of the research that we've looked at, climaxing simultaneously, yeah, that's great. But it's rare. It's rare, very rare for most couples. It's certainly rare for us. It's great when it happens. But I think that there are some benefits of climaxing one at a time also. Because when you climax one at a time, when, you know, like when the guy is waiting, making sure that that his wife climaxes before he climaxes, then not only can you enjoy your own climax, but you really get to enjoy watching and fully experiencing your spouse's orgasm and knowing that you're bringing that to them, that you're serving them, you're giving them that pleasure. And that is so rewarding. Whereas if it's happening at the same time, one downside of that is that you're so wrapped up in the intensity of that moment for what you're feeling that you're almost missing what your spouse is experiencing in that moment. So while it's great to go at the same time, I think, you know, and this isn't just looking for the silver lining. I think that there are some real benefits of, of what happens when you, you wait on each other and make sure that you both go and experience each other's orgasm in that way. Both have their Pros, right?

Both have. So I just think our main thing is don't put pressure on each other, because we do have a lot of you write us and say, like, we've never had this happen. Is there something wrong with us? Like, you feel like, oh, my gosh, is this not really the person God has for me? Because we can't simultaneously orgasm. And let me tell you, that's just a lie from the enemy. And so don't let that get in there and kind of mess with you.

Instead serve one another. So good, guys. Hey, listen, we've got a resource that if you want to grow in any aspect of your sex life or if you feel like you need to unlearn some, you know, some just myths about sex and get back to the truth about sex. We have a book called the Counterfeit Climax, which goes into detail about so many things that can create sexual baggage. and also helps unpack that in a healthy way, helps you and your spouse have conversations that are going to lead you to your best sex life ever. So, whether the audiobook or the hardcover book, whatever you're into, check out the Counterfeit Climax. I think it's the most helpful single resource we've created on sex and we hope that it helps you. Thanks so much for your questions, guys. You can submit a question for Hump Day Q&A at nakedmarriage.com or even easier, go to our Instagram. We're @daveandashleywillis on Instagram. and you could submit a question there. Thank you guys so much for your questions and for connecting with us online.

That's right. And I just want to say shout out to the inside scoopers, which is our private group. I mean, you're welcome to join it, but it's kind of a closer knit group on Instagram. This question today was submitted by someone in that group.

Thanks so much, guys.

We'll see you next time. God bless. Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q&A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagemedia.com, you can submit your question right there, or you can follow us on Instagram @daveandashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a DM. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q&A.