I'm Struggling With My Faith and It's Hurting My Mariage // Hump Day Q&A

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Hump Day Q and A Hump Day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump Day Q and A. We love answering your questions, so every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram. Aveandashleywillis We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

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You're part of the Naked Nation. We want to be. So great question today. Thank you. For those who write in we love your questions. You can always reach us on Instagram. We're Ave and ashleywillis on Instagram. Today's question says this. I've experienced a crisis of faith that has led me to question my religious beliefs while my spouse remains deeply committed to our shared faith. This has created a rift between us as now we struggle to connect on a spiritual level which was once a cornerstone of our relationship. How can we navigate this profound difference without losing the love and respect we have for each other? And great question. We hear this question a lot though I think every other time we've heard this question it's posed from the spouse in the other position. It is the one who has faith and they're Reaching out on behalf of a spouse who's kind of lost faith, saying, what do I do as the one who's trying to be faithful to my spouse, but faithful to my beliefs that my spouse maybe once shared. What do I do with that? And we're usually tackling it from that angle. So this is fresh. And first I want to applaud the guy that wrote this in and say thank you. Yeah, I don't know if it said, but thank you. Thank you so much just for your care and concern for your spouse. To be honest about where you are right now, you know, you're not. Without being fake, without just going through the motions saying, no, I'm experiencing a crisis in my faith and I'm working through that and it's causing rift in my marriage. What do I do? So I applaud you for valuing your marriage and for wanting to. Wanting to keep that healthy. And so we want to just hopefully say some things that will encourage you and perhaps encourage others who might be in that same position.

Yeah, I think it starts with being honest, obviously. I mean, you guys know we're all about the naked marriage and just that honesty and vulnerability and transparency and not being fake. I think sometimes people can exist in this dynamic, but maybe their spouse doesn't even know because they're ashamed. You know, like we're. Like you said, where this has been a big cornerstone of their relationship is their shared faith. And all of a sudden one of you is wavering in your faith for various reasons and. And you don't want to share it because you're like, oh, gosh, I don't want to. I don't want to make my spouse feel uneasy. I don't want the family to be uneasy. You know, I don't know what to do with this, but definitely bring your spouse into the picture. And it sounds like this person has. But it's created some rifts because your spouse doesn't quite know what to do with it. And I think you can start with really, first of all, just having a self reflection of, well, what is it that is kind of the cause of the crisis? Like, what is it? Did I have some church hurt? Did something happen? And I'm like, man, God, why would you allow this to happen? Like, if you're a loving God, you know, how could this happen? Was there loss in your life and you're in extreme grief and just trying to pick up the pieces and you're mad at God. I mean, you could be angry with God because of a circumstance in your Life. Or maybe you just stopped going to church, you stopped reading the Bible, and somewhere along the way you've lost sight of the Lord. Because it's just not. You've not been in those spiritual disciplines. And this isn't to guilt you or anything. I'm just saying, like, really, really just have a moment where maybe even write it down. Write down anything you can think of. Like, why am I. Like, why do I feel this way? Is it because I've been isolating from other believers and even my spouse when it comes to spiritual issues? What do I do? Like, you know, like, what. What is it that on my part, or maybe what happened to me that is causing me to be wavering? And then whatever you land on, talk to your spouse about it and say, listen, I know this is upsetting to you, but I'm still here. I'm still committed to this marriage, and I want. It sounds like it sounds. I don't think this person would be writing unless they want to get their faith back. I don't know why they would even make that effort. So I think this is a person who's, like, wanting to work through this and walk with the Lord once again. But right now, they're just being honest about saying, I'm not quite there right now. And I think since this has been a cornerstone of your relationship, you know, I think that there's something that is described and written about called a dark night of the soul. And it's really what you're describing, like, it's where your faith is wavering. And in psychology and Christian counseling, too, they explore this. Where most people at some point in their life have what's called a dark night of the soul. This doesn't mean, like, Satan's taken over your mind. I'm not saying that at all. Don't get me wrong. But just where you're feeling fragile, you're feeling doubtful and just forlorn about life and maybe what's going on, or just you can't even put your finger on it. But I think maybe go to your spouse and again, use those I statements about, like, here's where I feel this way right now. I know from a logical standpoint who God is, but because of X, Y, Z, my heart is wavering right now. And I. I know this is hard for you right now, but this doesn't mean any disrespect to faith. This doesn't mean any disrespect to our marriage, but here's where I am right now. Could you pray for me?

Yeah.

That's good. Could you be patient with me? And the thing that I find such comfort in is when I read the Psalms. Do you not see some dark nights of the soul?

Oh, yeah. Such honesty.

I mean, it's just honesty. It's a depression, like, frankly. But there also is sometimes a crisis of faith. I mean, there really is. And I would encourage you, and I know right now you're probably really maybe not wanting to your Bible, but I would encourage you pick up the Bible, read the Psalms, and know you're not alone in this. And I would even say, too, in moments like these, we tend to retreat from the church. But maybe think about, like right now, I'm not loving church. I had church hurt. But could you. Could you maybe go out to dinner with some other believers who you trust and say, can you pray for me? You know, I remember there was an. I won't name names, but there was an influencer that we, you know, we're not necessarily friends because we don't really know him well, but we've had some conversations with them over the social media and Internet and stuff. And I love the work they do. And I remember distinctly not too long ago, she put out a post just on her story, and she said, I don't know what's going on with me right now. I know who God is, but I'm really having a crisis of faith. But I'm struggling. She's like, I'm just really struggling. Can you all pray for me? And then she was kind of off social media for a while, and she's just now come back. And I did pray for her, but I thought, man, I'm so glad that she had the courage to. And I'm not saying this person needs to go on social media, but I'm just saying you're not alone. Like, people go through this. It's no respecter of persons. Like, all of us can have things that throw us, you know, And I think that it's just being honest about it, but seeking help from your spouse, first of all. But then I would find some trusted people in your life. You said you've traditionally been people of faith. There's got to be at least one couple that you could go to and say, listen, this isn't, you know, I'm not going to go into detail necessarily, unless you want to, but could you really pray for us? Because my faith is wavering and I just really could use the prayer. Yeah, because we need community.

We do need community. And so a few, like, a few resources that could Help you if you're, if you're a reader, you know, some books that I think could kind of help you relay a foundation for faith. There are some books by a guy named Lee Strobel who wrote. He was an atheist turned Christian. He wrote the Case for Faith and the Case for Christ, which were books.

That influenced me as a young person. So they're great.

And he and his wife also wrote Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch, which might be a good resource for you and your wife because it's their story. Husband, right. When she was a strong believer and he was not a believer. And walking through that season together and maintaining a strong marriage as they did, I think that could be a good resource. My favorite Christian writer, C.S. lewis, as he was wrestling with faith and ultimately became one of the world's best known Christians. A book called Mere Christianity, which explains the reason behind our faith in such practical ways. I love it. Check that out. And if you've been hurt in the church, and really that's the issue that you've been disappointed by people who call themselves Christians, you've been disappointed by the church. My good friend Joe Dobbins, who's a great healthy pastor in the St. Louis area, he recently put out a book about Church Hurt. And if you just look up Church Hurt, Joe Dobbins, it will immediately pop up. That's a great resource. But coming back specifically to the marriage question, I think a few things you can do is, number one, celebrate your spouse in their faith. And if it's your wife, then celebrate your wife and her faith. Encourage her to continue to, you know, to read her Bible, to pray, to go to church. Do all those things that they've given her comfort. Don't try to alienate her from any of that or to try to pull her in to, you know, to the doubt you're facing. You can be real about where you are, but also try to encourage her because her faith is such a source of strength and hope for her and continue to celebrate that in her while hopefully being open yourself to taking steps back toward that. And then just work to be the best husband you can be in all ways. And you know how to do that. You know, just stuff we talk about all the time. Serve each other, communicate, be tender with each other. All of those things. Just keep. Keep doing those things that are going to build up trust and are going to allow you both to walk through this season where there's a little bit of unsteadiness as it relates to that foundation of faith that you both once shared. And right now it feels a little shaky.

That's right. And just always remember that. That you're not each other's enemy and you're gonna winning together is remaining respectful and loving and kind to each other, even if you're on different pages spiritually at this moment in time. But I also want to encourage you be open. If it is church hurt, maybe you go to another church. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, there are options here. I don't know what the story is. It didn't really give us insight into what the issue is. But just know that sometimes you can make adjustments as a couple and say, like, I can't go to this place anymore because every time I go, it just. It feels inauthentic to me because I've been so hurt by this. Or, you know, if it's circumstance, whatever it is, like, you know, reach out for counseling. Like, there's different things that can help walk you through this.

Yeah. Yeah, it's so. It's so, so good. And, you know, there's never been a time where there are more digital resources available to.

Sure.

To help bridge that gap. And until you feel comfortable back in the church to read, to watch, even this podcast and other podcasts like it. So thank you for listening. Thank you for your question, and do us a favor and share this one, guys. A lot of folks are having these kind of struggles in secret, and we want to help. Just shine the light on it and say, hey, you're not alone. God is with you. He sees where you are. He loves you right where you are. Even in those moments you're not sure about him. God is sure about you. That's true. And I'm so thankful for his faithfulness, even when we struggle with our own. And so thank you for that honesty. Thank you for the question. We love and appreciate all of you, and we look forward to seeing you next time.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.