In Sickness and In Health with The Walker Family

Hey there and welcome back to the Naked Marriage Podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And if you're watching on YouTube, you see us in our at home recording space, but the interview you're going to get ready to watch is actually at our XO Marriage center recording space. And so if you're going to see the difference, that's what's going on. But we are going to have an episode with an amazing couple who has overcome so much. And so Dave's going to tell you all about them.

Mark and Shawn Walker are truly an inspiration. And, you know, one of the vows, of course, is in sickness and in health. And they have an inspiring, an inspiring journey of walking through in sickness and in health together with her cancer battle. What they learned through that, how God has carried them through that, what they're still learning. And I know this message is going to be an encouragement to you, even if maybe you've not dealt with cancer. The principles that we're going to talk about can help you in any season of marriage. But share this one in particular with anyone in your life who might be going through a health struggle, because I do think that it's going to be.

An encouragement and an inspiration to them.

So let's dive into today's episode, y'.

All. We are so excited to have this very special couple here on the Naked Marriage podcast. We just gave you an introduction to them, but I just want to welcome them to the Naked Marriage podcast. Welcome, Sean and Mark.

Hi. We're glad to be here.

Hello.

Yeah, we're thrilled to have you guys here. And thanks for being willing to share your story. You guys have already inspired people just from what you've shared online and in your own circles. But you know, to our audience, the whole in sickness and in health, I mean, in one way or another, everybody's going to walk through times of some sickness. But you guys have walked through a really kind of extreme version of that as a cancer survivor. And we just love to talk to you some about what that was like personally, what that was like for your marriage, how you supported each other through that and just kind of where things are today. So why don't you. Before we jump into the cancer part, though, rewind the clock and tell us how you met. Let's go back to the very beginning. I want to hear.

I'm gonna let Mark tell us this story. I love it.

So the first time I met Shawn was she was probably 14 and I was 15.

Young love. Yes.

And we were going to Six Flags for a youth outing at church, and I didn't know who she was. She didn't go to our church, but she was there. And that was the first time I noticed her. I asked others who she was, and they told me that her grandparents were members at the church. And they told me that was their granddaughter. And I was like, okay, well, I was thinking, wow, I want to ride a roller coaster with her. But as we got to Six Flags, for some reason, my group went one way, her group went the other. And then we came back for lunch, and I asked, where's Sean in there? They told me she went home sick.

Yeah, I got a sore throat. It actually turned out to be strep throat. And so my papa had to come pick me up from Six Flags, so we didn't really get to talk that time. But I did notice him. Yeah, I remember noticing him. So then fast forward.

So fast forward, we're going into Easter weekend at a youth activity the day before Easter. So Saturday, her brother showed up. I was pretty close with her brother, and as he got out of the car, I walked out to meet him, and I was like, who's that in the backseat? He goes, that's my sister and cousin. And I said, you didn't tell me you had a sister. He goes, you didn't ask.

Me. And my cousin rode with my brother that time. So that's wild.

So the very next day, it's Easter Sunday. I walk into the church. Her grandfather played the piano. My grandmother played the organ. He gets up, he meets me as I sit down in the pew, and he goes, hey, I want to introduce you to my granddaughter. So stood up, I walked over, introduced myself. And then it's like, well, everybody in the youth sits over here, so you're more than welcome to come sit with me. And so smooth.

Yeah, that's how it went. But see, what he didn't know is I put my pawpaw up to that. I asked him to introduce us, and he's like, oh, I know. Mark Walker. Okay, I'll introduce y'. All.

So, yeah, so we dated for four years. We broke up a lot.

A lot. A whole lot.

We were young.

We were 18 and 19. Officially started dating.

Yes. So being young, stupid, and not knowing what I wanted, nobody does at that age. At that age. So, yeah, we broke up. We fought a lot. We figured some things out. And then I asked her to marry me.

So nice.

And I said yes.

And how many years married?

So 26. Just this past March 1st.

Congratulations.

20Th anniversary. That's eight.

Thank you.

That's awesome.

I love that story. That is a beautiful story.

I love hearing when people meet so young, like, it's just so cool. And then the brother, too. How cool.

Yeah.

Now you're a brother in law, like one of your great friends. So that, that's awesome.

Yeah.

Well, tell us, you know, we know that you started having some health issues and kind of tell us about that journey.

Okay, so I'm going to back up just a little bit. So we moved from, from Abilene to the Weatherford area. And I mean, it was Covid. You know, it was all the crazy stuff, Right. And then I ended up having to have a hysterectomy and everything was good there and we're getting back on track. And then I felt a lump. And so it hadn't been that long since my hysterectomy. Right. Let's see, I had that in May. Yeah. And then it was in November of 2022. And yeah, I felt a lump. And, you know, I thought, no, it's not anything. But then I thought, well, I'm going to watch it for a week and if it doesn't go away, I'm going to go get a mammogram. But I didn't, you know, I didn't want to believe it, of course. So I went and I had the mammogram. Well, I went in to get the mammogram and, you know, they give you that funky cape and you do all this stuff, right? And then I got in the room and she asked me, you know, have you felt anything? And then I said yes. And she's like, oh, wait, stop. We have to stop. We have to do a special diagnostic paper. And so then that's kind of whenever it hit me, like something is, is wrong. And then. But even then I still didn't want to believe it, you know, and we went and we got the diagnostic order from my doctor and then we went back, what, a week later they tried to get me in as soon as possible. And the lady, the sweet lady doing the mammogram, I mean, she talked to me for a long time as they were on my right side. And so I felt like this is taking a long time. And then they sent me over to have a sonogram. And, you know, you just, you. And then. Yeah. And then whenever I was in the sonogram, the technician, she went over several, several times. And then she went and got the radiologist and then he came in and remember it was Covid. So Mark was not allowed to go in there with me. He was in the waiting room. So it was just me. And the radiologist came in, and he said, Mrs. Walker, I'm, like, 80% sure that this is breast cancer. And I just was like, I mean, you just feel like you're falling in a hole, you know, it was just so. Just shattering, you know? And I remember they said, okay, I want you to walk next door to the scheduler. And, I mean, I couldn't. Like, my feet didn't want to move. Like, I just felt stuck to the floor. And I started crying, and I got over there, and the sweet lady there, the scheduler, she. Oh, my goodness, she was so sweet. She came over and she hugged me, and she said, now who can we call for you? And I said, well, my husband's here in the waiting room. And she said, well, I'm going to go get him. And so, yeah, and then, I mean, Mark came in, and, I mean, he knew something was wrong.

Well, it was taking a lot longer than I thought it should take, you know, so immediately my thoughts were, something's wrong. And that lump that she felt, there's something there. That's there being. You know, they're analyzing it more, right? To be sure.

Yeah. And then. So that was around Thanksgiving. And then I had the biopsy done, and then I got the results confirmation. Yeah. And my doctor called me, and she said, you know, it is breast cancer. And, you know, it's really difficult because you have to wait a little while before you get in. Right. And so your brain just goes all over the place. You don't know. What does this mean? You know, and you have people asking you, like, what stage? And all of these things. You know, I'm not there yet. Yeah, I'm not there yet. But then, you know, you just can't help but wonder, what if? Like, what if it has already spread? What if. What if I don't make it? I mean, just all these things. And I know this is kind of silly, but I remember telling my best friend Susan that we were talking about all of this, and I told her, I was like, if I go, just don't let Mark date anyone. I don't want him to date. To date anyone ever. And she's like, I mean, you really need to think about this. I was like, no, I don't want him to be with anyone else. You know, it was just. It was one of those crazy moments. But I think that was the first time that I actually, like, pictured myself Maybe not being here, you know, which is heartbreaking. Yeah. And then, I mean, my kids and I mean, I just had to pray a lot. And, I mean, I just. I remember just begging God to let me be okay. And I mean, it was really difficult.

I just can't imagine it was very hard once they confirmed it. Did they. Was the mastectomy the first thing they did?

No. So actually. And I did want to bring this up just for awareness, because I did not know about this, but there are wonderful people out there called patient navigators. And I had three ladies that helped me, like, as soon as I got diagnosed. Christy, you know, she called me, and she was like, you know, I'm a patient navigator, and I want to help you through this, and let's set up an appointment.

And.

And Mark and I went in there, and again, Covid stuff. Right. So there was a little bit of trouble at the door getting into the hospital, and, I mean, I was crying. I was a mess. I didn't even want to go to that appointment, even though. I mean, she sounded so sweet. And I knew she was there to help me, but I didn't want to even take that first step to go into this process. But it was real. Yes. And I didn't want it to be real. Yeah. But she. She. So I called her on my cell phone because we couldn't get in. And so she's like, I'm coming. And she came and she got. Do you remember? She got right in between us, and she, like, held both of our hands immediately. And I don't know, it just gave me such a comfort, you know, like, this is going to be okay. We're not alone. And my best friend came, too, to this appointment, and so were sitting in there, and I really did not want to do chemo. That was, like, something I'd already decided I didn't want to do because I lost my biological father to cancer and my grandmother and my aunt, and the treatments didn't help them, you know, so I don't know all their circumstances, of course, but I remember watching them be so sick, and I just. I didn't want to go through that for nothing. And I just thought if we could just skip over that part, that'd be great. But it didn't turn out that way. And one of the nurses there, you know, she gave me, like, all of my information, and, you know, she said, chemo will be part of it, and you'll have to do chemo first. And do you remember, like, I said, no, I'm not going to do chemistry. And, I mean, they all, you know, explained to me why I needed to do it. And, you know, and then, of course, you think about your babies. You know, how can you not. You think about your husband who's waiting on you, counting on you.

At the time of that diagnosis.

So this was just in 2022. So Carly was 17, right at the time?

Yes.

Yeah. So 17, 19, 21, 23.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And how were they processing all of it?

Well, they. I mean, I feel like they did really well with it. They were very helpful. I think they didn't really understand the magnitude of it sometimes, you know, and just processing it was hard, you know, just. I mean, it was a. It was a long thing to process, and I think it really didn't hit them until I did start doing the chemo and I got sick, and then they saw me sick, and, you know, I felt like I needed to still be a part of the family. I didn't want to be in the. In my room, you know, and I would try to go in the living room, and Mark would make me, like, a little place on the couch and get me, but I couldn't ever stay in there. I'd always have to go back to the room because I was so sick, and I mean, very sick. And then I wouldn't actually start feeling better. It took me because it was. Every three weeks, I would have a chemo, so I would not start feeling better until right before my next chemo. So I'd have a few days, like, what, three, four days? Right. And then I'd be like, okay, let's go. Let's go eat lunch, or let's go do something, you know, and then we'd start all over.

How was that for your marriage? Because I know that, I mean, it's a whole new reality that you're dealing with. And how many rounds of chemo did you have?

So I had six.

Six rounds, which, like you said, every three weeks. That's a long time.

Yeah.

And how did you all get through that?

So chemo started in January, almost immediately after, you know, the mammograms and everything, you know, everything they needed to do to, you know, fully diagnose and what, you know, what they needed to do to, you know, defeat this cancer.

Sure.

And that lasted until May. The first round of chemo. It was hard on her. It made her very tired. But each round got worse and worse, and she got more and more sick. And, you know, when you're standing there about to marry the love of your life, and you think about your vows, they kind of go in one ear and out the other ear. In sickness and health. And you require, you understand, the requirement of full commitment at that time. And love is a commitment, right?

Yeah.

And I was committed to her, to help her through this. And as each round progressed and she got more and more sick and, you know, it was to the point where I was having to carry her to the bathroom and.

Oh, man.

Yeah, it was bad. Laying in the bathroom floor.

Yes.

Laying in the floor, not knowing, like, is this it? You know, because you're so weak. Yeah. I was so sick, I couldn't eat. I couldn't. I mean, I was just so sick, and I had nothing in me left.

You know, so to be that strength and rock for her and encourage her. Yes, you're going to do this. You're going to make it. Yes, I know you're sick, but I'm here for you. And it required a lot. So to go from, you know, we share all the responsibilities, you know, help with the kids, help with dinner, help around the house. You know, she does laundry, I fold laundry, I do the dishes, you know, to having to do your job, be 100% caregiver to her. 100% caregiver to, you know, the kids that are home, the ones that weren't away at college.

Right.

Doing all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the laundry. It was a lot.

He did everything. I mean, the kids helped, too, but he. I mean, he really took care of me. And it was. I still can't even comprehend it, you know, the way that he really stepped up and did everything.

Wow.

So, I mean, yes, it was tough on the marriage, but it was worth it.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

Just really being there, you know, I know before we started this interview, I was talking to you guys and saying, just for the audience to know, I know about this story because Sean actually emailed us and was sharing her blog with us. And it just struck me so much, just the honest nature of it, but also the hope that's in it. And before we started this interview, you know, you were saying how, you know, like, certainly you wouldn't want to go through this again.

Right.

But that you did grow stronger through it.

Yes.

And I think what I hear you both saying, it's because you, like, you really dug deep into those vows and the commitment and both being people of faith, you know, really leaning on God through that time. I don't know how anybody could get through it without the Lord.

Right.

But just leaning on each other more than ever.

Before.

And you taking pride in being that caregiver? Cause I think that we've known couples before. Like, I remember early in our marriage ministry, there was a sweet couple at church and the wife got diagnosed with breast cancer, started going through a similar path that you've gone through. And her husband, and I don't know what was going on in his mind, but he kind of just ghosted her. I mean, he didn't go to any appointments. This is before COVID so he could have been there. And I think emotionally he shut down because he was so overwhelmed. Do you remember this couple? And it almost ruined their marriage. And we were talking before we recorded this, you saying how you've been shocked by people reaching out to you and saying how their marriage didn't quite make it. And I think a lot of times it's because it is so grueling. But it's also because I think.

People.

Often, especially in scenarios like these, they don't know how to respond, you know, And I mean, was there ever, Mark, any doubt that you would be there? Did you ever feel like just so overwhelmed or ill equipped? I mean, I'm just asking because I know that there's a lot of people who don't respond that way when obviously that's what you need, you know, like how. What was it that made you just get in there even when you were tired, you know?

Well, it was a commitment that I made to her and the Lord. The Lord, when I said I do it was that. And just who else was going to do it?

Yeah.

And when you look at, you know, the love of your life and how sick she is, you know, how can you not put your hand down there and comfort her and help her and want to be. Not be there for her?

Yes. It's just so. I love that. And I think anybody, you know, who's facing a similar situation, maybe it's not a breast cancer diagnosis and treatment, but any kind of hardship. I think just being willing to be there for each other in your time of need and being, you know, we take turns being strong when the other is weak. And I'm sure there's been times through your 26 year marriage that you've had to be the strongest.

Sure.

You know, and I think just having.

That beautiful dance, you were so strong.

Well, being strong, right?

No.

Oh, no, no, I didn't. Absolutely. More than strong.

Very heroic. But I think it's hard. And maybe you can speak to this. Did you ever feel, was it hard for you to receive the help, the.

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Was it hard? It was, yeah. It was hard to ask for help.

Yes.

I'm not. I mean, having four kids and, you know, Mark and I moved, I don't know, 2012, we moved from Mansfield, you know, where we had lived for a long time, and we moved to Abilene where we knew nobody. And. And then Mark started traveling. And so I kind of was in a routine of doing, you know, all the things and not really having any family or anyone there to help us, Right. So I just did it. And so, yeah, it was very hard to let go. And that's what I had to keep telling myself, too. Like, I cannot do this right now. And I have to focus on getting well. And so, you know, it was hard. It was hard. My daughter Carly, she went to prom last year and I was determined to help her get ready because she asked me to fix her hair and, you know, help her with her makeup. And I remember two of our neighbors came by too, and they were taking pictures for us. And I remember I had to sit, like, in the driveway for a few minutes, but I was just determined that I was gonna help her. I wasn't gonna miss that moment, you know, but you have to, like, pick and choose, right? Like, you can't. You can't do it if you can't. No. And so I would have to. And I mean, Mark would help me and he would say, babe, you gotta go lay down. You can't do this right now.

But that was really hard. It was until you're a very active, involved mom and wife, and then physically you're like, I like, you just can't with. It's depleting you trying to kill this cancer and so after your chemo, you did have a mastectomy.

Yes.

And how was that recovery process?

So I did double mastectomy with deep flap reconstruction. And, you know, it was hard. I mean, I'm not going to say it was easy, but I will say the chemo was harder.

Okay.

That was harder.

So sick.

Yeah. And I mean, I was sore and, you know, it took what, like six weeks, I guess, before I really started to actually, you know, walk around. Good. I mean, I had to. They make you walk right away, right? So like, the next day you have to start walking. But, like, to really go far, it did took me about six weeks, so. And Mark would, like, hold my hand because you have all these drain things coming out of you right from the surgery, and it's just a mess. I have these four drains and anyways, we're just like walking around the living room in a circle. But, I mean, he walked with her. Yeah, he held my hand and walked with me. And. Yeah, it just. I mean, that's how you get your strength back, you know, you have to. You have to keep going. You can't just lay there, you know, and be sick because. And I was already so weak.

Right.

So I had to really build up that strength. And once I started doing that, and then, I mean, I started doing other things, too. And then I started doing yoga and just, you know, I started getting stronger. And I mean, actually I do get tired still sometimes, but I actually feel pretty good. You know, I just get a little tired. And whenever I get tired, I have to say, okay, I'm done for the day.

You know, you learn to listen to your body, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

So how do things. Where are things right now? Like, with prognosis and with.

So I'm cancer free. So at the day after I had my surgery, they came in with the results, you know, from the pathology, and cancer free. I do have to take a hormone blocker, and I have to have checks every so often, and I'll have my port removed tomorrow.

So exciting.

So, yeah, that's very exciting. So, I mean, we're definitely on the. On the good end of it, right? But they say, you know, five years. Once you're past the five years, then your risk of recurrence is very, very minimal. But. But my oncologist told me that she feels like my risk of recurrence is very low. Like, I did all the things than I needed to do. So, you know, I feel good about it. I do. I feel like it's going to be fine.

I'm so glad. We'll keep on praying that as well.

Exactly.

I want to ask one thing.

Sure.

When it comes to breast cancer in particular, and you guys have been so willing to be open if this is overstepping.

Not. It won't be. I'm an open book.

Your body.

Yes.

And, you know, intimacy is an important part.

Absolutely.

What was that like? And I think you can be as.

Specific as you'd like to be. No, no, no, I don't. Yeah. I mean, I really don't mind. And I'm. I've actually talked about this a lot because it is an important thing. You know, we, as women, we do identify, like, our breasts as being womenly. And, I mean, it's part of our makeup. Right. And so it was terrifying to think about losing them. And that is one of the reasons that I made the decision to do the deep flap reconstruction, because what they do is. I mean, it kind of sounds crazy, but it's really not. But they, like, cut you from hip to hip, basically, and they take a flap on each side on your stomach, and so then they put. You know, put a flap on each side. Yeah. So where you had your mastectomy. So then after that, I had the phase two surgery where they go in and they did liposuction, and then they inject more fat in there to get everything all, you know, rounded and plump and, you know, how you want it to look. And then the last thing that I did was the 3D nipple tattoos.

Yes. I've heard he had an aunt who went through.

Yes. And I'm telling you right now, that is pretty amazing what they can do. I mean, and I did not realize. I didn't even realize how much of an impact that would make on me, because whenever I saw that after the tattoo artist finished and I looked in the mirror and I started to cry because I was like, oh, I feel whole again. I am again. Yeah. Because, I mean, you just don't realize how much of a important thing that is. You know, you're walking by the mirror every day whenever you get out of the shower and you see yourself, and. And, I mean, Mark was very supportive with all of it, but, you know, the reconstruction that I had, like, they feel like me. They feel natural. I don't have feeling in a lot of areas, but I do have some feeling, and I'm thankful for that. And the scars are. I mean, they're just life. Right. Life gives us scars.

What you've survived.

Yeah.

What you've come through.

Yeah. I mean, some days they're hard to look at. And some days I just say, well, it's just. Yeah, yeah. It's just part of it. Yeah, yeah.

And would Mark, like, I know it's such a tender time. Would you just try to reassure her if she ever had any kind of physical concern? He does.

I ask him all the time. Because we are like, I. I do. I ask him all the time. I mean, I do. I will say, do you still think I'm beautiful or, you know, do you still love me?

Yes. So men are visual anyway. So I would say the plastic surgeon is. He's a Picasso. So, you know, they're a work of art again. And, you know, to think that, hey, your wasp breasts, they're going away. Okay. What's that going to look like? You know? But, yeah, I would say masterpiece. Yes. I'm very pleased.

Yeah, I love that. Before we wrap up, like. And your story's been so inspiring. Thank you for it. What's one piece of advice? Each of you can give one piece of advice to that couple listening right now. And maybe they're at the start of a journey like this where one of them has just received a diagnosis and it's a potentially life changing diagnosis. And they're just trying to figure out, all right, what's this going to look like? What's one thing you wish someone would have been able to tell you the day that you got that diagnosis? To each of you as the one going through it physically and the one who's there as a partner and supporter and caregiver.

Yeah. Do you want to go first or you want me to?

It's not the end. It's just the beginning. Don't give up. And rely on God.

Wow, that's great.

So good.

Yeah. I mean, you know, we're so blessed to have each other to go through this life with. And I mean, Mark and I, we've. I mean, we've been married for a long time, so we've faced a lot of hard things already. And, you know, let it, let it bring you closer. Let that love that you have for each other shine through and really just lift each other up. And, you know, of course, you know, lean on God, because God will get you through and he will give you the strength that you need. Whenever you think you can't do it, God will give you that strength and he will give you that love, too, and compassion that you need for each.

Other and always fight for your marriage.

Yes. Yes. Because it's worth it. Right? You married each other for a reason and you Know, sometimes we think, oh, we. You know, maybe we fall out of love with each other, but whenever, I don't know, we just make a choice to love each other. That's what we. We try to do, that we choose love. We choose to love each other and remember that we're not perfect. We're gonna mess up, you know, so we gotta be just mindful of that, that we're not perfect and give each other grace. Right? Just love each other through it, you know? Yes.

You guys are truly inspiring. Aren't they, sweetie?

Yeah. You really are. Thank you. I know that. That all those who are listening and watching right now, I know that that's going to impact them deeply, even if they never go through cancer themselves. Just the example you guys have shared with us about leaning on God and leaning on each other through life's difficulties and how you can come out stronger the other side. And it's a beautiful reminder of how God designed marriage to be and how he never leaves us or forsakes us. So thank you for your example. And we're praying for you and cheering you on as you enter life now in remission and with, you know, great things ahead and works of art on your body.

I love that and all of it, so.

And the energy, like I. And both of you, too, after going through such a hard time. I know a lot of people listen to the podcast, but if you want to see these amazing, beautiful people right next to us, they just glow. You know, you have just go to YouTube and you can watch, like, the glow of. I mean, even after all this, don't they? So.

Oh, yeah.

Glow with joy. Like the joy of the Lord.

Oh, I love that. I love that.

And I just love that. So God bless you both. Thank you for being so willing to share. And guys, if you want to connect with this couple in our show notes, we're going to have a link to Sean's blog that I referred to earlier as well as a way to get in touch with them if you have any questions. So thank you guys again.

Thank you all. This was fun. Thank you for letting us share that.