Is Divorce the End?

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We are so excited about today's guest on the Naked Marriage podcast, Chris and Steph Teague, known to many around the world as out of the Dust, the music duo that's creating beautiful music. If you're unfamiliar with their music, then as soon as this episode's over, go and just Google them and YouTube them and download them and Spotify them and just spend a day, a wonderful day, taking in their music, and you will quickly become fans. In fact, they've got a song that they're gonna. They're gonna preview here for us right on the podcast at the very end of this episode, which is a first for our podcast.

Yes, it is.

We've never had, like, a song debut on the podcast, and I'm super excited about this. But, guys, your story is so powerful, your music, so powerful, and we're so honored that you're here. So welcome.

Welcome.

Thank you. I was actually gonna say, if you've never heard our music before, just go ahead and pause this podcast.

Yeah, yeah. Pause right now and go listen.

Yeah, I'm just kidding. Come back.

They don't. They don't. This audience doesn't know you well enough.

They do now.

Joking. I love it. I love it.

It's not a bad idea. If you guys want to pause, go.

Over, get some good music in those.

Dust, listen to out of the Dust, and then come back with your mind blown as it will.

Oh, wow.

To just start listening, because I'm telling you, if Ashley and I became a musical duo, it would not sound like out of the Dust because one, because I can't sing. I would be, like, just talking in the background. You could sing.

There's a play. There's a place for that.

Oh, my goodness.

You never know.

No, just inserting little.

Little.

Yeah, just insert like. Yeah, like Kirk Franklin. Kirk Franklin does. And he's like, how did Kirk Franklin get fan?

That's right.

A hype man just in the back going, yeah, yeah.

I love Kirk Franklin, though. Let me just say, I love Kirk Frank.

Yeah, he's he's the most talented non singer in the singing world.

I think there's more to it. I think he's doing more like producing or something. But anyway, back to out of the Dust. So you guys, we met years ago at a marriage conference, and we got to hear your testimony live and hear your music live. And. And we've. We've stayed connected since then and just it's. I'm telling you guys, I was so touched by your story because really, the music that you guys play is birthed out. Out of quite a testimony. And I'd love it if we could start out this podcast where you just share a little bit about your story with our audience.

Sure. Well, we tell it everywhere we go because, I mean, we all are. All of us carry stories with us. And if there's one thing that we want people to walk away with at any show or conference or anything that we're a part of, it's that God is working in your story, regardless of beginning, middle, end. He's working in your story and ours. Our starts a good bit ago. It's like losing track. 17 years maybe. I don't know. But we were in high school and on a mission trip to Philadelphia, of all places.

Brotherly love.

Yeah. Yes, yes. Brotherly love. We were supposed to go to Guatemala, but I think like a youth pastor.

We don't have to get into those.

Killed or something. And our youth pastor. Our youth pastor was like, yeah, maybe we shouldn't go there. So we went to Philadelphia and kind of fell in love in the city of love. I guess we didn't. Stephanie had a boyfriend at the time, so I guess we didn't truly fall in love.

It wasn't crossover. It's all good.

But.

But seeds were planted. Seed was planted.

You did write me a poem, so there was that.

I did. I did. Oh, my goodness. Let's go get it.

Let's go get it. I do have it.

So, yeah, we did fall in love after, you know, we got back home from the trip. And, you know, we were always serving. We were always in the church. You know, our relationship was birthed on a mission trip. So, you know, we just seemed like this really has it all together type Christian couple. You know, we're leading worship in all these different areas. We stayed together through college. And, you know, God was a huge part of who we were as a couple, and music was even a huge part of who we were. But, you know, we got married when we were in college and, you know, we were the first of our friend group to really do that. I mean, I was 20, she was 19, which is very young, even for the South. And we're from Nashville, Tennessee. And. But we. So we. We didn't have a lot of friends who were married, so we didn't have a lot of relational capital there. And then we also were just kind of naive and thinking that, you know, we'd convinced ourselves that we had it all together because we were doing all the right things, you know, and so I think we kind of unintentionally and naively, ignorantly maybe isolated ourselves from being in community. And when we do that as individuals and even as couples and just as believers, we end up not doing too well. And so during that season of life, you know, we're in college together, we're working. At the same time, we're trying to figure out who we are, trying to figure out what our life's going to be, our job's going to be. And that's going on. Meanwhile, I am. I've always loved kind of science and physics and, you know, quantum mechanics and all that weird stuff. And so I was really. I wasn't going to school for that, but as a hobbyist, I was really into that. And that was shaping my worldview in a way that I didn't really recognize. And it was leading to some doubts. It was leading to some really good questions. But I wasn't able to share that anywhere. And I couldn't share that with Stephanie, or at least I felt like I couldn't. And I didn't feel like I could share that from stage or from wherever we were leading. Because I had this idea that to be on stage or to be in front of people meant that you had to be a certain way and have things together. That's clearly been proven untrue and how much leadership can be corrupted in that way, especially in the church. So I was just hiding. I was hiding. And I was in school for the music industry, not for physics or anything like that, but the music industry provided me with sort of friends and avenues and activities that the music industry is known for. So I was able to hide and cope with the shame that I felt from all of the doubts and this duality that I was forming, this duplicity, you know, saying I'm one person, pretending like I'm one person, then I'm another. And that went on for years. And it was really hard struggling alone. This was kind of before this whole deconstruction movement happened. I'm sure it was actually happening, but it was. It's kind of like the first wave.

Nobody was talking about it.

Yeah, nobody was talking about it. So. Struggling alone for years was really hard. Especially with the person who's supposed to be my best friend and know everything about me. She knew parts of me, but she did not know the whole me that ate away at our marriage. It ate away at my faith. And it got to the point where I was leading worship on Sundays and I didn't even believe in the God I was leading people to. Meanwhile, the night before, I'm out doing God knows what and hanging out with friends and smoking weed and drinking and partying and pills and whatever. Just anything I could do to feel good, you know? So that continued to crack the window or open the door or leave room for the enemy of God in my life to convince me that I was on the wrong path. But it wasn't that my behavior and no community. It wasn't that. It was that I was married. It was this perversion. Something was definitely wrong, but the perversion of that was that it was my marriage. And so I sat Stephanie down one night after a lot of thinking and preparing and suffering honestly for years and years alone. And I sat her down in January of two thousand and ten. And I said. I really said this. I said, I don't believe in God anymore and I don't want to be married anymore.

Wow.

Just like that. And we got divorced a few months later.

Wow.

Yeah. You were gone.

And Steph, like, what. What was that like? I mean, I can't even imagine.

Oh, man, it. There's not even a word good enough for it. Right? I mean, it was devastating. It was. It was so this overwhelming, unsettling feeling of thinking that I had everything so mapped out. I'm a planner. I had that stability. Right. I found so much security in it.

Right.

And then for something to happen, for my husband to say what he said and to say the word divorce at all was completely, completely devastating. It's like. I think I talk about it a lot like a rug being ripped out from under you that you're not prepared for, because that's how it felt. I went through all the stages of grief, you know, that you think of as you go through any sort of trauma or loss. And I think for me, being. I was 22, 23, so young. I mean, my brain's still not like fully developed at that time, you know, but having such a narrow minded view of life and of this God that I had believed in and been raised in the faith for so many years, that I was so quick to play the victim. I was really quick to see that I was. I was the good girl. I did all the right things. How could this happen to me? But God so graciously helped me see in that season, obviously hardest season of my life, but helped me to see that I was not righteous. You know, I was not faultless Without. Without him. Did I want the divorce? Was that my choice? Absolutely not. But did I contribute something to the downfall of our marriage? Absolutely. It takes two, you know, you're either moving towards oneness or isolation. And I was just as much a part of that isolation as he was. My sin was just not as obvious. You know, it's pride and that self righteousness and stuff that was just as destructive. So for me, it was a season of gosh, of learning what it means to fully rely on the Lord for everything. Because I'd been so self sufficient my whole life, as much as I had sinned, you know, God, use me. I want to do what you want. I want to do what you want for my life. But I, again, I was so much in control of everything. And so I'm grateful. Grateful for that season, for what I learned about him and my identity, you know, not in being this, this good girl and being successful in my job. And, you know, what people saw on the outside, it was. It was just learning what it means to be a daughter of the king.

Yeah.

Wow, that's. And a lot has happened in the 12 years since. So I guess, I mean, a lot. And I'm just so glad you guys are here because a lot of folks that are listening right now are watching this on YouTube right now. You know, maybe they feel like they're as hopeless as where you were back then when, you know, Chris, when you were wrapped up in your doubt that ultimately led, you know, led to the marriage dissolving and then going down a road of addiction and continuing down a dark path for a bit before kind of the redemption story started. And Steph, you being in a place of feeling abandoned and rejected and like your whole world's turned upside down and your whole plan for the future is out the window, and that there was certainly no hope. Probably at that moment it felt like, well, there's no hope in this ever getting back together, especially once the divorce happened, because it's like there's finality with that. And so maybe folks are listening right now and either individually or collectively as a couple, they feel like, you know, they're in a place where there isn't hope yet. And I Don't want to dive into the application yet, because, you know, I want to. I want you guys to just share your story. And I think, you know, even when I read through the Bible, I love how God, he doesn't always just spell out, okay, here are the three points of reconciliation, or here are the four steps to healing. It's like he just tells us. He shows us stories of real people and how he was present in their lives and through their stories, you know, we can see so much of what he's doing in our lives. And so your lives are that kind of story for people. And your music now, as a reflection of that, gives folks that kind of hope. And so, like, I don't want to. Like, I want to fight against the pastor temptation to be like, okay, now here are three steps to this. And they all have the same first letter, you know? You know, pray, protect, provide. I don't know. But instead, just. I just want to hear more of the story because that is just, I think, going to kind of speak for itself. So take us back to. All right, you're divorced. You know, Chris, you're going one way, and, you know, Steph, you're going another way. And at what point did. Did your. Your past start to converge again and you start to believe? You know what? Maybe there is hope for us.

Yeah, well, she's. I'm always in kind of in awe. Like, almost every time we tell this story. Like, I'm. I'm. And I don't think it's. It's anything in Stephanie's strength, necessarily. All that to say, Stephanie's response to that season of suffering is always really humbling and beautiful. And I think everyone could take note of what it looks like to walk through a season of suffering. Well, but meanwhile, I was philandering and, you know, doing all the things that I thought would make me happy, because I'd done it behind closed doors. I'd done it in secret. I'd been lying and pretending. But now I had let the truth come to light, and I got to do these things that I was secretly doing, wondering if they would satisfy me if I could do them as I wanted to. Now I get to do that. And I was chasing all of. I mean, it's just this proverbial story, right? The story of the prodigal, where I'm just wasting all of these riches and blessings that God had given me. Women and more drugs and alcohol and parties and friends. And, you know, I don't have to tell you guys or the listeners. I think you know, we all know deep inside a lot of times that our pattern of sin and our behavior, we're not as blind as we sometimes can convince ourselves that we are. But we. Man, I really wanted to believe that that stuff was going to make me happy. And I was very young and naive, but it didn't take long for the truth to surface that that was a completely empty path, you know, and you know, the event that really led to me.

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Being brought to my knees, I don't just quickly. It was surrounding a relationship that I'd gotten into that just kind of exploded, right? And when that happens, I think God's really good and gracious and creative. He can use a lot of different things to bring us to our knees, to expose us to ourselves. But the veil was pulled off and I saw how selfish I was. I saw the depth that I was willing to go to hurt people. You know, I didn't want to hurt anybody, but at the end of the day, it didn't matter. You know, nobody like wants to. I don't think many people, unless you're a sociopath, want to inflict pain on people. But it really just comes down to priorities and what's more important to you and is it worth it to stick around and fight for this or do I want to do what I want to do? And it's more complicated than that sometimes, but in my case, it really wasn't. And God graciously showed me that. And I was all alone now. I pushed everybody away and I was in the darkest place I'd ever been in and I had kind of sworn off God, but I didn't say I don't believe and I never will. It was just kind of an agnosticism. Just. I'm not sure, and I don't know that I ever can be sure. But in that season, God used my brokenness, you know, when I'm all alone, nobody else is around. He used that season to show up. And it wasn't through intellectual arguments. It wasn't through, you know, some apologetic, logical, rational, trotting out some great thesis of who he was. It was just his presence, his love, and him being with me in the midst of the darkest season, when I deserved him the least, he made himself most present to me. And when you really grab hold of that and experience that, it's transformational and radical. Love for me was transforming. Radical suffering for Stephanie was transforming, you know, And I think that's how God works. And it took. It has taken years and years of reconstructing what I had deconstructed. But in that moment, it actually helps you realize that the things that we think are so important oftentimes aren't as important as we think they are. And what's. What's really true becomes clear in those seasons. And so it just. Quickly, God brought people into my life. He started speaking to me through the Word, through community, that this was what I want. This is what he wanted for me. He wanted me back. He had always wanted me. He wanted me back, and he wanted a better life for me than what I was living. And after a few months of seeking and listening and praying and hearing.

I.

Kind of discerned that part of that plan for me, even though I ignored it for a good long while, was God telling me that perhaps Stephanie and I getting back together was a huge part of that plan and what he wanted for my life. And I'd never. I would have never seen that coming. Like, it couldn't have been, but from him. And, yeah, I think Stephanie needed a little time to process that.

I didn't hear that. I didn't hear that same message at the same time.

Yeah.

Because for me, you know, as hard as that year was, I. I wouldn't trade it. And. And I got. I eventually got to a place. You're very kind in how you speak. I walked through that. There are a lot of ugly days. I will be quick to.

But that's suffering.

Yeah, well. But I had just gotten to a place where I felt like I had let it go. You know, when I signed the divorce papers, that wasn't my consent of, you know what. Yep, we're done. Move on. New chapter. It was God, I trust you. I trust that if we are to be reconciled at some point, in the future, a piece of paper. The document's not going to stop you from working, but I am going to submit to. You know, Chris is wanting this. I'm going to trust that the Lord is in control whether I can see the ending or not. And I definitely couldn't, so. And as I work through that and I get to this place of really feeling probably peace for the first time through it all, knowing that I could just let it go because I've been clinging so hard to. Trying to control. Trying to make him stay, trying to make him, you know, believe these things. And so, of course, at that point is when Chris reached out to me for the first time and we ended up. Well, he actually talked to my parents first, which is a whole story in and of itself. And then we got together, talked for a couple hours, swapped stories of what God had done, what we had learned. And I saw this vulnerability and just transparency that I had never seen. And I saw. I saw the spirit in him in this beautiful way, was this crazy gosh representation of all these prayers that I had prayed. All these prayers that so many of our family, community had been praying is right there in front of me. So when he shared, you know, well, God's told me that we should be together again, I did not say yes, okay, let's do it.

Yeah, why not?

As beautiful. As beautiful as that night was, you know, I had forgiven him. You know, that was something that I had already worked through. But trust takes time.

Oh, sure.

And. And for us, I think we both. After you got past the initial disappointment, both kind of agreed.

Yeah, I just. I'm an idealist. I'm like the. The romantic, I guess, and I'm just. I don't know what I expected, but that wasn't it.

So I don't even know what I said, but. But yeah, we wanted to make sure that we were seeking the Lord and what he had for us, that we weren't going to just act out of emotions or, you know, we. We knew that we needed. We needed people to walk us through the process because we did everything on our own before. And look at where that got us, you know, so we. You had already started counseling. We did counseling separately. We came together with the same counselor after a period of a few months, which we are huge advocates of, of some good, solid counseling. Whether you are in the pit or you're doing all right, we. We still love. You know, checkups are so important to you. So, long story short, all came together in agreement with our. Our pastor's family. That if we wanted to pursue this again, that we should go for it. And we believe in a God of redemption. That's his heart. That's. That's like the heartbeat of the gospel is redemption. And. And we believe that in a God who brings dead things to life. So we ended up starting completely over, like, dating. We. You weren't even gonna kiss me until we got remarried. We didn't quite make that one, but.

Wait to have sex again.

Everything else, we waited. Yes. Granted, it was like three months, but still we waited.

Just kind of a symbol, a sign. Like we were.

We were brand new people. I mean, completely new people.

It's amazing.

And so after that season, we got married in a tiny little ceremony, just our family. And now celebrate two anniversaries. And it has been. I guess by the time this is out, it will have been 11 years since God restored our marriage.

I love it. And remind me how many kids you guys have.

We have two now. Two little walking, talking crazy pictures of redemption every day. They would not be here.

Yeah. They're evidence of the miracle walking around.

Yeah, absolutely.

It's just beautiful, you guys. I mean, it's just beautiful. And this is again, this is the second time that I'm hearing it straight from you guys, but it brings tears to my eyes, and it's just. I can see it all over your faces. I hope you guys, those of you listening, this is one you want to go and watch because watching these two people tell this story and seeing the light in their eyes and what God has done, it really touches your heart. Right, sweetie?

Yeah.

And I just. It is so powerful. And the fact that, you know now what you guys do together is you sing about, like, you sing these beautiful songs about, you know, this very thing about what God can do, where God has taken you. And tell us more about that. Like, tell us more about out of the Dust and what kind of. What made you guys form that?

Yeah, you're passing it to me. Wow.

Well, no, that was me out of the dust.

Well, then I thought you.

I got you breath Pneuma spirit.

I will start, though. So. We've always both loved music. He's been the performer ever since we were in college. I wanted nothing to do with performing that. I'm like, introverted, don't want the spotlight.

Master's degree in education.

Yeah, I'm not about that life. God had other plans, and I'm so grateful. But basically, we. We did start leading worship together. And we've always gotten so probably more joy out of music than Anything else we've ever done together, and ended up going to a conference. Thought it was going to be for fun. We ended up entering competition, made it to the finals even though we were terrible. And right before our performance, we were told we had just five seconds to introduce ourselves. And we looked at each other and thought we were going to tell our story.

We're going to break the rules, we're.

Going to tell our story. So we did it really quick. It was really fresh. We had, like, just gotten remarried pretty recently. And at the end of the song, a girl came up to me just in tears because she was walking through that with her husband at the time. And that was kind of the last little piece, that last confirmation that God was telling us that music is a platform that we could use to share the story. So that's what we have been doing for the past eight, probably 8ish years, is figuring out how to use music as this. Just this piece where we can tell about God's redemption. Because for us, it really is ministry first. It's about bringing hope to a hurting world. It's about showing people that God is a God of redemption. And so we definitely work hard at our lyrics and our music to convey that, yes, we are broken people, but we are hopeful. We are hopeful in a God who never fails and who always redeems, whether that looks like a marriage being restored in our case. And we know that that is such a rare gift that we didn't deserve because the work that he did in our lives while we were apart, like, that would have been enough. The work that Jesus did on the cross, that would have been enough. And we don't ever want to. We don't ever want to look past that because we know so many people are desperate for this kind of redemption and they may not see this on this side of heaven, but we always just want to bring hope in the words that we write.

It could look like a miracle of reconciliation, restoration. It could look like a husband or wife standing on the covenant, you know, and letting God work through that in their lives. It could be someone moving on and having a new family. Or, you know, it could be a completely different situation that has nothing to do with marriage. But the rock that we stand on, the bell that we ring, is that God moves and works and can be trusted to work and move in our suffering, in the broken world, in our broken hearts, you know, and to redeem that.

Yeah. So now we're, you know, we write music constantly. We. On normal years, we'll see fingers Crossed about. This year, we tour the country sharing this message of hope. We share our story. We weave it throughout our music. We have a great time. Anytime we get to be in front of people, we just. We love, love that we get to do this for a living and bring our kids along as well.

And the music and your story and your hearts, it is all so powerful. And God's working through you in an amazing way. And the music just so beautifully tells the story of his redemptive love and what he's done in your lives. And so that's why we're so excited to again have a naked marriage podcast first and introduce this new EP for you guys. And that's how we're gonna. We're gonna close out this episode. But first, tell us about what we're about to hear, because this is. I'm, like, giddy with excitement.

Yeah.

What are they about to hear?

Well, first, we are so honored to get to be a part of this verse. Like, that's incredible. We wanted to show them fall back in love.

Yeah.

Fall back in love. This is one of our. For me that there are some songs that we write that's like, you know what? This one's for the people. Some of them are for us. This one felt like both. Like, we genuinely love this song. We feel like it's such a reflection of just where we are musically, the things that we love, and also just such a. It's like just a summer jam, a spring jam.

Get you ready for warm weather.

Yeah, we love it. Of love of two. It's just a story of two people that don't. They can't really put their finger on maybe what's going on, what's been wrong, but, you know, they know that something could be better, and they're both looking to make it better and want to fall back in love and get back to the way that it used to be, you know? And the love of. You know, that new love feeling, man, who doesn't want that back again? Your endorphins and your dopamine and serotonin's all swimming in your brain and feeling amazing. It's just. It's a sweet season. And so we wanted a song that. That conveyed that and gave people sort.

Of hope and just. Just to reinforce that marriage is worth it. It's worth the work to put in to get back to that place. And so, you know, again, you guys are listening. We told our story in such a small little window, and I'm sure if you have questions, we absolutely would love to talk with you more. We are the ones that answer all of our messages on social media, our website, all of that. So please don't hesitate.

Well, and tell us where we can find it because folks are going to want before we play this song, where can folks find you? Because right now they're probably already googling like how can I hear more of the story and hear more of this music? So give folks the best place they can connect with you online.

Yeah, absolutely. I would say our most active community is over on instagram if you're there. But anywhere. Instagram, Facebook, even TikTok our handles just out of the dust music and our website is out of the dust music.com we it's a huge part of our ministry, just getting to walk through hard times with with people who reach out. So please don't hesitate to do that.

Come on.

That's awesome. Well, guys, thank you all so much and I know that you're going to hear from so many of the listeners who you just touched our hearts today. So thank you so much. And to the listeners, enjoy this beautiful song by out of the Dust. We'll see you next time.

I'm not saying we pretend it's been better than it's been Short fuses keep wounded wishing that we've gone to bed.

Instead I mean I think we're just doing fine I say we're good most of the time I know you my home But I just want to want.

Your life before when we laugh till we cry catch your ey Butterflies feeling so high.

Staying up till the sunrise.

Can we fall back in love? Even though we're scared of love Everything we messed up it's worth the work for us to fall all back in love let's fall all back in love.

Feels so good to hear you say you know we're gonna be okay no.

Maybes that's safety no more taking sides or keeping score I'll leave you post its on the wall kiss you for no reason at all you see me so healthy feeling like the kids we were before when we laugh till we cry catch your eye butterflies feeling so high.

Staying up till the sunrise.

Can.

We fall back in love? Even though we're scared of everything we messed up it's worth the work for us to fall all back in love we can get there again like you and me till the end Stop looking for of affection cause what we have enough to fall back in. I know we can get there Clear eyes blue skies up in ahead I know, I know we can get there we can get there I know we can get there first start full hearts of the heaven I know, I know we can get there we can get the so can we fall back in love? Even though we're scared of everything has done it's worth the work for us.

To fall.

Back in love.

Let'S fall.

Back in love.

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