Lessons in Love and Support for Aging Parents // In Memory of Steve Swanson

Steamer here, give me the dirt.

Hey, Steamer, my kids want a dog.

What do you think?

In a way, your kids already have pets. And by pets, I mean the billions of bacteria living in your carpets couched on the rugs right now. And they're not that cute.

So call Stanley Steamer and we'll take care of it.

Then maybe start with a goldfish.

They won't pee in your carpet. Book your deep clean now@stanleysteamer.com hey, friends, Dave and Ashley Willis here, and we have a very, very significant episode of the Naked Marriage podcast. If you're watching this on YouTube, you can see that we're not in the studio right now. We're doing a quick intro outside the studio to let you know what you're about to see. About a month ago, our dear friends Steve and Susie Swanson, who you're gonna meet in this episode, came here to the Exo Studio and we were honored to do an interview with him. It's something we'd wanted to do for a long time, and it was a wonderful interview. We talked Primari about caring for aging parents, which is something that they do, but also they share so many amazing life lessons from their over 40 years of marriage. And it's just. It's an incredible gift, what they're going to share. But this episode is so profound now because what we did not know a month ago when this was recorded is that Steve was about to be diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. The week after this interview was recorded, he was diagnosed with that cancer, and he very quickly went downhil. And two nights ago, our dear friend and mentor, Steve Swanson, went home to be with Jesus. He died peacefully. Just looking forward to being in the loving arms of his heavenly father. And our prayers are with Susie and his kids, Luke and Sherene. But this is. It's truly an honor to be able to share his last interview with you.

It is, as you will learn from this interview, which is really only a snippet of who Steve and Susie really are, but you will see what wonderful people they are, and Steve in particular. Just over the years, I want to say, we were trying to remember how long he's been our friend and mentor, but around 17 years or so, he's been our friend and mentor. And these are people that we got to know at our church and that have poured into our life. We would go to one of our favorite restaurants in town and talk about, you know, all different aspects of life and just really learn from them. There's some of those people that We've talked about here on this podcast that we have learned from, and we've just tremendously. I mean, they just impacted our life. And Steve in particular has always been one of those guys that is just so thoughtful. And it really challenges us to be that thoughtful friend. You know, on a weekly basis, he would text Dave with. Sometimes it'd be a funny meme about marriage, and most of the time, though, it'd be some profound thing he'd read or, you know, and it's just. It's just amazing the kind of legacy he is leaving behind. And as you listen to this interview, I just not only am excited to just introduce these amazing people to you and what you can learn from them, but I want you to think about legacy yourself, because I think all of us can learn a lot from Steve. And I'm going to get choked up, but Steve lived his life for the Lord. And I can truly say that I think he went to see Jesus with no regrets, because every day he lived to love others. When we were at their house the other day. I'm an ugly crier. I'm sorry, you guys. We were at the house the other day. His son, who we've met before, his name is Luke, he got really teared up. And we were just talking about Steve and how much we love Steve and different memories we had about him and funny stories and profound things he taught us. And he teared up and he said, you know, he goes, I knew my dad had a lot of friends, but I didn't realize that he had so many deep friendships. And he said, I don't know how he even found the time. He goes, how did he find the time? And it just challenged me and it challenged Dave that we need to find the time. We're never guaranteed tomorrow. We never know when we're going to go. We never know when we might be diagnosed or something tragic happened. And so we need to be challenged to live like Steve. To live like it's our last day, to love like it's our last day, and to just spread the love of Jesus with. With every minute that we're given on this earth.

Well said. Well said. So, friends, I want you to enjoy because Steve would want you to enjoy. This is not a sad episode.

And he's really fun, too.

He's so fun. He is so fun and he is laughing. He joyfully in heaven right now. And he would want you to laugh and enjoy this. So, Susie, we love you. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom in this episode. Steve can't wait to see in heaven someday, my friend. And to all you watching and listening, enjoy this very important, meaningful conversation with two of our favorite people on Earth.

Hello, and welcome back to the Naked Marriage Podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And you guys, if you're watching on YouTube, you see we have two amazing people in studio, and they are dear friends and mentors of ours. And Dave is going to tell you all about them.

I'm so excited about today, and I know I say that pretty much every episode, but. Exactly. I really extra mean it today because we've been wanting, legitimately wanting and planning to interview Steven Sue Swanson forever.

Yes.

But we wanted to do it in studio. We all live in Georgia. The studio's in Dallas. It's a bit of a commute. And we found a way to all get here. And I'm so thankful they came straight from the airport. And they are such a gift. They spent their lives in ministry, raised two amazing kids. Now they're loving on the grandkids and also caring for aging parents, which is a topic we're going to focus on today. Is that that delicate and sometimes complicated balance of just caring for aging parents? It's a topic we've never explored. There's so many things we could talk to them about. Where we're going to focus on that. They spent years in Christian radio, you know, recently managing the local Christian station in our town, which is a gift, a gift to our whole city and community. And even beyond that, they're so well known and respected. I could spend all 30 minutes just doing their intro because they're so kind. Susie makes the best cookies I've ever had. Well, and we're. We love getting with them for lunch. And they're just those folks that when you hang out with them, you feel wiser and more loved and more encouraged just for having been with them. You leave better, they leave people better.

Whoa.

I encourage you.

So they're gonna.

I'm totally encouraging.

They're gonna leave you better. So you listen to this episode, watch this episode. I promise you'll be better for having spent some time with the Swansons. So, Steve and Susie, we love you. Welcome.

Thank you.

Thank you for having us.

It has been an effort. It's worth it.

No, no, but, like, it's quite. Yes. You made a lot of effort. You came literally straight from the airport.

3Am they woke up and they're.

And they're here, guys. They're here for you. They did this so that you guys could hear what you're about to hear.

Yes.

So welcome. Well, we start out. Every time we have a couple on, we always ask the same first question. Tell us how you met and when was that? Because you guys have been married for a little. Even though you both look remarkably young, it's been a while since you got married.

Yes.

So tell us about that origin story.

Well, I can tell you first of all that we're almost 46 years married, a couple weeks away from you.

Amazing. And happy early anniversary.

And Susie can tell you how we met.

Yes.

She was there.

We met at Lutheran Bible Institute in Seattle. Steve had flown across the country. He had been there already a quarter. And I came in winter quarter, and I was with my girlfriend Judy, and we were sitting in the cafeteria, and Steve worked in the cafeteria, and he came over to just talk with us and, you know, did his little diddly. And he had, like, a maroon coat that he would shove the sleeves up on. And the little elf hat.

Why do you call it an elf hat? It didn't have a little feather.

Had a little feather.

I can picture it.

Yeah. I can totally picture it.

Yeah.

Yes.

I wore basically whatever was clean.

Right, Right.

That's what it was.

Totally. Yes. So we're sitting and talking, and he leaves. And I just go to my friend Judy and I said, you know what? I said, I am so gonna stay away from this guy.

Isn't that romantic?

That is so romantic. Why did you want to stay away from him?

I don't know. I just thought he was really weird.

And now she knows. Didn't take long to find that out, I guess. Yeah.

Now, did he have, though, did he have the, like, amazing voice back then?

Exactly. That's exactly it. He would lead worship sometimes in the evenings with his friend Tim, and I started listening to this voice and just very verbally good.

Soothing.

Yes, yes. But also his friend Tim and Steve, we had a class where we had to do a verbal kind of, like, speech class. Yeah, like a speech class. Yeah.

Oral presentation.

But Steve and Tim did theirs, and it was so phenomenal. And I was supposed to go next, and I just took the bad grade. I didn't even say anything. I wouldn't go up there.

I just said, I can't follow that.

I can't follow this act.

So, yeah.

She forgot to mention that I followed her around like a puppy everywhere after we met. And that was part of the reason why she went, oh, maybe I should pay attention.

Yeah.

This guy's pursuing one time he came over and said, hi.

So you locked in on her, and you were like, I did. I'm gonna get to know this girl. Yep.

Long walks, long conversations, the pursuit thing.

Guys, for you single guys that are listening, the whole art of pursuit. Not stalking, but pursuit.

Exactly.

It's a lost heart. And so many guys, they just. They don't put in the effort. You know, they say, you know, hi to a girl once, and then. And then they're like, well, I guess she doesn't like me. And then they never talk to her again, even though. So, guys, listen. Learn from the wisdom of Steve here and pursue. Just pursue. I mean, I practically stalked Ashley. I mean, I really did.

You did. You were not creepy about it, but you did.

Like, not creepy, but persistent.

He found ways.

You were present.

Yes.

And we met.

Find ways to be where she is and just.

Well, you would find ways to, like, just spend time with me, basically. Probably what you did, too, right?

And then keep doing that after you're married. Keep pursuing, keep finding ways to be around each other as you guys do. You spent, like, you've been married for almost 46 years, but I would say just in your dynamic, you've spent more time physically together, working together, doing life together, just sharing hobbies, sharing life together than most couples if they'd been married for 100 years, their whole lifetime. And that's a gift. I think sometimes, you know, you run these coup and they've been married for a long time, but you realize that whole time they've had completely separate lives.

They may not be together.

Yeah, they're not together physically. You know, married technically, but, you know, he does his thing, she does her thing, and they're together an hour a week. You guys really, really do life together. And I think that's just. That's something that we've always looked up to.

We knew it would be an adventure, and it has been. Yes. And continues to be.

It continues to. It continues to be here. Well, before we jump into the aging parents thing, brag on your grandkids for a second, because you're amazing.

I love hearing grandparents.

Do you want to start on the grandkids?

You go ahead, because I love their bonpa.

There are six of them. Each of our kids has three, and their ages are starting at 15. Wow. 15, 12, 10, 9, 7, and 5. Wow. And they each have two girls and a boy, and they live outside of Atlanta, which is a couple hours, two to three hours away from us. And we see them at least once a month. Intentionally.

Yes.

Yeah.

And we Volunteer, of course, like a lot of grandparents do, to watch the kids while mom and dad are away. We just spent four days with our five year old, so we're still recovering from that. She's a little pogo stick.

She is a pogo stick. It's amazing.

Very excited.

Yes.

What do we do next? And remind us what they call you because I love grandparent names.

It's supposedly is a French terminology meaning good papa, which we didn't know. Lila couldn't say grandpa so it came out pampa.

And here she thought she speaks French. Who knew?

Exactly. And Mimi.

And Mimi. Mimi and Vampa.

I love it.

We're still.

You know, I always thought of the name Squishy Grandma. And Jason, my son in law said, I don't think I'd follow that one. He said, that's just a little too much.

Back to Mimi.

You're a great Mimi, A great papa. I love her.

Oh, we love her grandkids. And the age span is wonderful.

Yes.

One just got in fact, for the first time just a few weeks ago, my oldest grandson drove to his friend's house with me in the passenger seat. That's like, okay, that's a new experience.

It is, but it was fun. It is.

And they were on the trampoline with their five year old. So they keep you young and wear you out at the same time.

Yep.

I love it.

It's good.

Yes.

I can relate to that. My.

Which part?

Well, my 8 year old just turned 9.

That's right.

The other day. Said he was like, I don't know where he came up with this, but I laughed as hard as I laughed in a long time. We were playing. He said, dad, are you tired? And I'm like, I don't know, maybe a little. Why do you ask? And he said, well, you're just kind of old to have a kid my age.

No.

Well, all of his friends, he's the youngest. And so like all of his friends, friends dads are all like a little younger than me and stuff.

Well, he happens, he befriended like the friends that he has are all firstborns of their family, most of them. And so their parents are younger because like we were the young parents with Cooper, our oldest, who's, you know, almost.

But now our youngest is 10 years younger than our oldest. So I'm like 10 years.

That's funny.

Older than a lot of his friends.

Dads at least, because there was one of his friends. The dad is 29. And I was like, I'm feeling real old right now.

It Must be his dad.

I'm 42, almost 43.

5 now.

When you have grandkids, you ask them how old they think old is.

Oh, I know.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's fun.

Yeah, it's real fun.

That's fun. Oh, I got, you know, they look at the sky for a minute and kind of look around and go, I think 40. Yeah, that's like, you know, almost respirator stuff.

I know, right?

How old are you? Hey, let's play cards.

Well, speaking of, Speaking of. Oh, that's a nice. Into the topic. You guys have a lot of longevity in your families.

We're blessed that way.

You know, you're both gonna, I believe, blow 100 candles out on your cake someday.

Yes.

But with age and with longevity comes just the multi generational family dynamic of figuring out, like, okay, well, how do we protect our parents? Independence, as much as they want to be independent while also caring for their needs. And that's a road that many are listening and they're navigating. That's why they're listening. They're like, you know, get to the nuts and bolts. We're trying to figure out how to do this in a way to honor our parents. We don't know, like, do we let them live with us? Do we help them stay independent? Do we try to get them in a home? What do we do when they don't want to do that? How do you navigate when they're saying, no, I want to keep driving, and they can't see the road in front of them? I mean, there are so many big questions here that people aren't talking about. And yet I think these are some of the most significant decisions that a married couple will make. And how do we care for and support our aging parents, which is a biblical mandate. Honor your parents and, you know, care for them. But what that actually looks like, practically, I don't think it's a one size fits all because of the unique dynamic and personality of every aging person of every couple as they care for them. So I just want to step back and defer to you guys because you've done this, you continue to do this. You're learning as you go, and you're doing it with such dignity and honor. And we want to learn from your example as our own parents. You know, someday will maybe need our support in the way that you're supporting your parents now. And we just want to talk about it. So kind of give us the dynamic of where things are now and what you're learning. Yeah.

Want me to give you just the kind of. The overview.

Sure.

Okay. I would start with the fact that having aging parents is a season, just like a lot of seasons in your life and marriage. The fact that every dynamic with them is different because of age and because of health issues and because of proximity and that you do learn as you grow, as you go. Susie's mom is 95. She'll be 96 in April. Lives by herself in Seattle.

An amazing woman. She's so sweet.

There's a distance issue there.

Sure.

My dad is 94, still driving, still living in his own home.

Yeah.

Sue's dad died about 10 years ago. Almost 10 years. Exactly.

Almost 10.

And then my mom died about two and a half years ago. So we each have one parent. They're living on their own, they're at home. We know that's different than a lot of folks situation. I have to remind myself that my dad's 94. I was with him at Christmas time. He's still driving. Oh, yeah.

Drove all the way down from Illinois.

To just last year to South Carolina. South Carolina.

To hang out with you guys.

900 miles, you know?

Yes.

Dad, are you okay? I said, I'll be happy to ride with you. I like to drive.

Well, and just a little story with that. We thought maybe he'd be a week, two weeks or something, you know. Yeah. Last year when he came down in January, and it ended up being 40 days and 40 nights.

So the Noah visit.

Yeah, so we do call it the Noah visit. And he is so easy and just, you know, really wants to do whatever we want to do and so on. But you do have to have that patience and really, every fruit of the spirit you will definitely need. And with my mom, she's 95 and at home, but she's been falling a lot, too, which has been a challenge.

I was going to say her age is higher than her weight.

Oh, wow.

Yeah. Because she's only £92. Yeah. She's very tiny now.

What is that dynamic like when you first realize that you're. Your relationship with your parent is now flipping for the first time in your life where you're the caregiver, you're the, in essence, kind of taking on that parent role of being the caregiver? You always honor them as your parents, of course, but I imagine that that's a huge shift and adjustment for everybody. And just what did that transition look like?

It feels gradual and instantaneous at the same time, really. I think for Susie, and it's different for both of us because my dad is Mr. Independent. If he's not well, he'll drive to the hospital. He'll tell you the next day. Oh, by the way, I went to.

The hospital five hours away in Rochester.

Oh, my goodness, almost 300 miles to go to the hospital. And then they'll fill you in. I have three other siblings. One is in assisted living, but two others that live in the area. So there's an extra dynamic there. Susie has a sister out there, but Susie and her mom are very close and they talk every day on the phone. My dad, I can check in a couple times a week. Daddy. Okay, we're great. Catch me up. I guess that's it. All is well. Susie's mom, on the other hand, very detailed about her life. Yes. There's no short phone calls with her.

No. And this is mom approved. I mean, I went ahead and wrote some things out and I just said I want to make sure that I'm not stepping on toes or, you know, bringing things up. But with my mom, she now has caregiver and she's there part time. Eight until one, and we're looking for this lady and it's getting to the end of my visit and I know that I'm needing to find someone and I finally.

This is not easy, by the way.

No, it's not hard at all to find someone to come into the home. And I finally just said, Lord, I said, I need an angel. An angel from heaven. You know, you can do that. You have angels all around you. You can just bring one down. They'd have the time, they'd have the caringness, you know, all that. And we found someone like that. Michelle is just phenomenal with my mom and, you know, always is so kind and just takes respectful, takes care of all her needs. So really pray for an angel or the best of the best for your, you know, mom or dad, if they need that kind of help and, and be their advocate.

Yes.

You know, definitely step in for them when you need to.

Yes. Really similar to when you're. You've got young children at home and when you've got to find caregiver for them, a babysitter, you want somebody, of course, that's going to love them and protect them and, and honor them. And it's, you know, when your parents are aging, I'm sure it's like that same kind of.

It would be because, you know, they're some of the most important people in your life and so you want someone who will be loving and caring. And I think too, like in the News. Sometimes we hear about these horrible elder abuse cases where these workers are taking advantage. Maybe they didn't physically harm the person they were supposed to be taking care of, but they didn't take care of them well or they took money or they bring. Right. Neglected them. And I know, I think a lot of times people, you know, they. That's all they see. And they don't know about these good stories where you can find these people that God has placed exactly in their life who have gifts in these areas to really care for the elderly and really feel called to care for the elderly. And so it's good to hear stories like that because it's hard. You know, you mentioned that you live far away.

I mean, exactly.

Across the country.

Yeah. But you both are so intentional about making sure you're there for them when they need you.

I do want to mention too that both of our folks are God fearing, Jesus loving, praying people, which is a huge gift to us because we know they pray for us every day and we see their faith lived out in relationships even now influencing others. Susie's mom still has a prayer group that meets every Friday at their house. They call it fellowship. What are there 12 to 15 that meet every Friday? Probably average age of 85 or so.

I love it.

Heroes are in the room with them. I feel like a spiritual pygmy. I'm not kidding. They believe in prayer.

We call them seasoned saints.

Seasoned saints.

I want to be a seasoned saint.

I know, yeah.

They truly live out their faith and believe that God is hearing them and answering them, is present with them. And that really sustains both our folks. My dad is very much an others centered person. He goes on visits to homes. I mean, it's hilarious. I have to remind myself, wait a minute.

Or up to the hospital.

Yeah, they're 78. Dad's 94. He's driving to the hospital to visit me.

Visit. 80 year old, like, son, are you feeling okay?

You know, like every morning with a group of guys at a circular table at a restaurant connected to a grocery store in his hometown. I call them the Cowboys, the circle of wisdom boys. And they're probably average age there is probably upper 70s or so. He's by far the oldest. They respect him, they listen to him and he just thrives on interacting and feeding good things into other people.

And they're not all Christians. So yeah, it's really good for him to be able to share his faith.

I mean that's just, that's a good commentary on life. It's something that we all need never stop ministering, never stop building relationships, being.

Intentional and having purpose, because they both have that purpose in all the things they do. You know, like, you're never too old to have purpose here on this earth. Like, God has you here for a reason.

Well, and I think if you have an inbound or in home. Inbound in home parent, it's really good to get ahold of their friends or family and invite them into their home and say, could you go over for a lunch and have a lunch with mom or bring lunch over or just visit with her? But to have those connections so they're not there alone.

Right.

You know, and, you know, before we actually kind of started this recording, we were talking about how sometimes, you know, people watching and listening are agreeing with you guys on all these things, but maybe in the back of their mind, they're like, but my siblings aren't on the same page with this.

Or maybe my spouse even.

Or maybe my spouse.

That's even.

Yes, totally. What would you say to somebody?

Well, I have a sister who. She always tells me she's not good with older people, so it makes it hard being on the other side of the country. And she's the one in town because she really doesn't want to spend that time with mom. And she's.

Cause she gets frustrated, right?

Because she gets frustrated. Yeah. She doesn't understand her just because she's not like her. So. Yeah. So that kind of.

She's maybe more personality than age.

Exactly. It is.

And patience, for lack thereof.

Yeah. So sometimes I get these calls from her, and they're meltdown calls is what.

I. Susie's in the middle.

Yes.

She's so hard thousands of miles away.

She's talked with mom, and now she's calling out of frustration. And Susie's going to be calling mom, and now she's getting both sides.

Yes.

It's hard.

So how do you deal with that?

You listen. You know, I just listen to my sister. I never try to give her advice or whatever. I try sometimes to give her persuasive of where maybe Mom's coming from, but most of the time I just let her vent because then she'll get done and say, okay, I'm good now.

And you're like, I'm worn out.

Exactly.

I'm glad it helped you.

Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. That's very wise. I'm filing back.

Yeah.

And I mean, I'm filing back. I'm like, I am, too. You know, because it's good to know that, because I do think if you were being the one so far away. I mean, even though you do visit your mom regularly.

Right.

And connect with her daily. You know, I'm sure your sister, she may take it the wrong way if you're here giving advice.

Exactly.

Just listening and saying, I'm your sounding board here. I'm gonna listen. I'm gonna let you vent. That's. That's very wise.

So I have a brother and sister that are in close proximity to dad. Okay. My brother lives less than a mile away. So if physically, I mean, when there's snow or whatever, he can go plow out the driveway or whatever. Loves to do that and check in on him kind of casually. He'll call him. He's self employed, so he can call dad and say, how about lunch? And they get together. My sister, on the other hand, has one day a week where she just makes meals for her family and for dad and then delivers and fills up the freezer. Very practical way.

Yeah.

And her gift to dad this year, again is every month they go out to dinner. So that's a set place and a set time where they share together. The last time we were all together having dinner, all three of us were kidding about putting dad in our will, thinking he might not live. All of us. That's great. He liked that. He thought that was great.

He's like, I'm going.

What, are you leaving me?

Yeah. I mean, he's 94. He just keeps going.

What would your advice be to. Maybe people who are listening were like, yeah, you know, the sibling dynamic, that's one thing. But in our marriage, we're on different pages. What would you suggest to folks where maybe one spouse is like, I want mom to move in with us, and the other one's like, no, I want to do this. They can't agree on a plan of action, and it's really creating a tension point in their marriage, which it can cause. These are big decisions.

Big decisions.

And you two navigate these decisions with. From what I can see, at least, I mean so much. Just grace and mutual respect and all that. I mean, sure, there have been times where you've disagreed and worked through it, but what would your advice be for those who just feel they both feel stuck? Like, we can't find agreement here.

I think for sure to pray together, you know, that's huge. We know that everyone. You know, you might even have a spouse who is not a Christian. But it's so important that you take that time to pray and to say, you know what, let's try this let's try this for maybe a two month type of thing. And if it's not going to work, then maybe we do have to talk about putting her or him into a home or assisted living or whatever. But if you can take them into your home, I think that's an awesome place to start. Now, my mom doesn't want to leave her home.

My dad doesn't either. Yeah, he's been here, I think 60 years in the same house.

Amazing.

About same, isn't it?

So it's very much established in this place.

You know, one suggestion that maybe no one's thought of here.

I could hear what's coming.

I'm a bit of a matchmaker.

Oh, my gosh.

Would your lives not be easier if we could get your dad married to. To your mom?

Wow.

In the same place across the country. And then.

Yeah.

So much alike.

I do weddings.

Exactly.

You guys are like, we know the.

No.

Right. Maybe not. Sorry, Carry on. I just had that thought.

I know.

Yes. I mean, I think prayer is the biggest thing. It's the foundation. And the other thing is just have the conversations. I mean, Susie has these long conversations with mom. I just disappear while she's on the phone. Or Susie's mom will call him. Like I'm checking out. I'll go do something else for a while. But it's just kind of having an understanding of this is a priority. You know, it's not forever, folks. So cherish the time that you do have. Enjoy those conversations. Be intentional about reaching out. I'll drop my dad a card. He loves to text my dad every day.

Yes.

Text lots of people. And he encourages them by doing that. But we keep in touch that way. In fact, we got a text from her just a few minutes ago. So, I mean, communicate in the way that is best for them. If it's letters, if it's email, if it's text. It's not usually email. They little bogged out on that. There's a frustration point trying to explain how to do something on the computer from 2000 technology.

Yes. I finally got the same phone that my mom or I got my mom the same phone that I had. So that when she had questions it was like, okay. And I just looked at mine and said, okay, do this, do this, you know, and that really helped because she had an Android and I had an apple and it was.

Oh, sounds like marriages, doesn't it?

Yes.

Yeah.

But that's so good. Like, you know, I know in our conversations we've had with you over the years, it's like really showing your parents, like, because I think where there's fights like with the parent and the child and the grown child is when neither party feels respected. Because it's like exactly like I was just, you know, talking with a friend the other day. It's like, you know, wanting to help your, your parent or your in law, but them not seeing that you're just trying to help. And it's like both parties aren't understanding. And I've just seen you all navigate that with just going, you know, you're really so intentional about showing respect and meeting them where they are. Like, that's what I hear you guys saying is like, yes, meet them where they are. They've lived on this earth a lot longer. All this stuff may not resonate with them. You know, there might be some things that, like, I mean, your dad texting, I mean, that's awesome. He figured that out and it works for him.

Oh, he loves it.

You know, and he loves it. And it's like just finding those touch points because, you know, knowing that they want to feel connected, like, that's huge. And I know there's been all these studies about the elderly and how those that feel connected and have purpose are the ones that not only live longer but have happier lives. Like their quality of life is better.

Exactly.

And I know you all, you know, and your siblings, you go out of your way to have those touch points no matter if you're in the same town or not.

Right.

Is there anything else you would add to that to help the relationship with your parent as they age? Be a healthy one.

I think another thing is to don't put them on the spot for an answer. Like, give them time. Yeah, yeah. Because sometimes we'll ask them a question and it's like we want an answer right then and they need to process it. Their mind isn't as sharp anymore. They're, you know, they're just not as clear. Give them time to process everything, you know, and sometimes it can be frustrating, but it's so important to be able.

That's really, I think, recognizing the fact of priority over convenience. You know, they may not call it the most convenient time. They may have a need you didn't really feel like addressing right then. And then I would encourage folks just to stop and think about all the ways your mom and your dad have invested in your life. Not every parent's perfect and not every story's, you know, stellar and sparkly and all that. But I just think about my folks. I'm like, I couldn't do enough for them ever, because of the way they put up with me.

Could never fully repay them. I mean, they get.

I mean, can't. You can't. So it's like, how can I help? What can I do? And I think asking in prayer and individually, Lord, show me how I can love him or love her. Well, in a way that makes sense today because that does change. Their needs change, and the focus changes. I think Susie's advice of just giving him time. If there's a big thing, a big decision has to be made. And Susie's overseeing finances, and she's dealing with the sale of a property out of state and all kinds of things. And she's on the phone a lot, dealing with other things that her mom will never know about but that need to happen. So she's just stepped in and fill the gaps where needed and where you can.

Well, and I. I know, too, that we have talked with people that have never had a good relationship with their parents.

Yes.

That's hard, you know, and all I can say is pray for them.

Yeah.

You know, even if you're not able to step in and do things for them because they won't let you, the best thing you can give them is prayer.

Yeah. So, so much wisdom, guys.

Hey, love on your folks. You only get one set, and it's easy just to be looking at your own stuff and be wrapped up in all that and forget that, you know, mom and dad are people, too, and again, they receive love in different ways. So ask God to give you wisdom and then just step into it and you learn as you go. It's just like growing up your kids, like building your relationship with each other. You're always in a new season. You're always in a new place. Grow together, learn together.

I love it. You guys are so. And we could talk more about this maybe in a future episode.

They're such a gift. I mean, I feel like we have such the privilege we get to hang out with them like this.

I know.

Get this wisdom all the time. And, you know, the listeners just got a taste.

Exactly.

Taste of it.

The fountain of wisdom that you can offer.

We're so thankful for you. Thank you.

Thank you. We appreciate it.

Yes.

Well, keep up the great work. And we just pray God continues to give you guys strength and wisdom as you navigate this. And for all those who are listening, one practical thing you can do right now is if your parents are living, why don't you call them? Just call them right now. Like, this is a reminder that I want to be like Steve and Susie. I want to honor my parents in that way and my in laws in that way and thank them and care for them and just let them know hey I'm thankful for you. They weren't perfect. No parent is. But we still can honor them and strive to build a relationship with them and that's something God always honors. And yeah we want to be like you guys when we grow up. So thank you again. You're welcome for being here and pray that your next 46 years are your best yet.

Yeah exactly.

We're looking forward to seeing what part of adventure that is.

I know yes.

Thank you guys all for listening today. Do us a favor, share this episode. I promise there are people in your life who need need to hear this and it could make a great multi generational impact in families just by by sharing this story. So thank you for tuning in. We'll see you.