Lets Talk Birth control | 14 Days of Sex | Day 5

Hello, and welcome back to the Naked Marriage Podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And we are continuing in our series about sex over these 14 days, where we're dedicating 14 consecutive days talking all about sex. And I hope you guys have been enjoying this series as much as we have. I know we're really going there, you guys. Like, I know some of this has made you blush. It's made me blush. Like, sometimes I've had to laugh just to kind of give some levity.

Better erections episode yesterday, I think Ashley was.

I was like, well, but you know what, Dave? I mean, we really do have to talk about these things. Like, there has to be a safe place to talk about these things. And we are honored that you would consider us. I hope you consider us a safe place to talk about these things and to get sound information. And really, you know, it's not even as much what we say as it is what you and your spouse talk about and how you continue learning about these things. And so we're just trying to inform and stimulate conversation here. And so today, we are talking about birth control. And as we. As we were kind of unpacking, you know, what we're going to be talking about in this series, this one excites me a lot because there's a lot of misconceptions about birth control out there that no one wants to talk about. And so I'm so excited we're dedicating this 10 minutes to talking about this, because Dave and I got married when I was still in college. And so I'd had my first OB appointment. And then of course, at that appointment, right before we got married, to prepare for marriage, she's like, do you want to get on a birth control? And of course, I knew we didn't want to have kids yet. And so I'm like, yes. And I told her, I said, I'm not very good at taking pills. You know, I never have been. I mean, I've gotten a little bit better, but not even that much better. I take my allergy pill regularly. And so I was a little bit concerned about being consistent with birth control. And I know if you're not consistent with the pill form of birth control, then you can really mess with yourself. And so she was like, you know what? Let's put you on the depo shot. And for those of you who don't know what the depo shot is, is, it's, you know, a shot you get in Your side. And it lasts, I think, about three months. Is that right?

I don't even remember.

And you don't. This is. I mean, this is how much I remember it. And it, like, lasts for three months. You know, what they didn't tell me is that this depo shot is higher in hormones, and it can really mess with some people. And it sent me into. It really messed with my mental health.

Even the birth control pill can do that.

Yes.

Can they tell you that?

You know, they act like you're just taking a vitamin. But almost every version of birth control that in any way messes with your.

Hormones, there are some that are lower, like Lowestrin. It might have a new name now that is lower in estrogen, but they do have some.

Yeah, it's still going to mess with you some because it's working by impacting your hormones, and your hormones impact pretty much every other part of your body. So there are non hormonal birth controls, of course, like condoms, which are just a barrier that prevents, you know, prevents the sperm from reaching the egg. And it isn't hormonal at all, but it.

And there's, you know, there's other forms, like IUD. I'm saying that, right. IUDs where they put that into your, you know, down there to prevent pregnancy. There's also a new one.

It's implanted inside.

Implanted inside of you. And then there's another one. I just saw a commercial for it. It used to be called Norplant when I was kind of. When we were first getting married, and I didn't want that. But it lasts, I want to say, like, eight to 10 years. And they put it in your arm, like it goes in your arm, and I guess it releases birth control. I don't. Please, if I'm misspeaking, you guys can correct me, but it is another version.

We're not doing this as medical professionals. Clearly, this episode is. Don't. Please don't replace this for talking to an actual doctor or, you know, your OB and saying, what are the pros and cons? We've tried some different things, but that's the thing the doctors don't always tell you, because we're doing this as, like, a public service announcement because we weren't told these things, and you just assume, like, oh, well, this is what the doctor gave me and it's gonna be fine. And, yeah, it might prevent pregnancy, but all these things have some form of side effect. Now, we're not saying that to be against birth control because we've Used birth control fact, like right now we've had permanent birth control. I've had a vasectomy, which is.

You had probably five years ago. Yeah, yeah.

And almost everybody's using some kind of birth control or else we'd all have 20 children.

Right. And there are, you know, there was a time we used what's called the rhythm method, which we were just informed by some people on staff that like there's apps that help you with this and that's a beautiful thing. I was, you know, saying, like, I wish we had done that because we did do that for part of our family planning. But in the rhythm method essentially is where you find out by really observing your own ovulation, kind of when you tend to ovulate. And basically when you're ovulating, that's when you can become pregnant. And when you're not ovulating, you can't become pregnant. And so what you do is you just don't have sex during ovulation if you don't want to have children, if you don't want to get pregnant. And then you do have sex during that ovulation period when you know that you want to have children. And obviously in the non ovulation period as well. And we did that and that worked. You know, some people, just to be frank, will use the pullout method. I mean, that's a popular one.

Why don't you explain what that is?

Well, that is when you're having intercourse and the man, instead of ejaculating while having intercourse, he pulls out and doesn't do that inside of you. So I'm just being real specific today. And that is a popular one too.

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Wow.

Granted, you probably end up pregnant a lot more because there's pre ejaculate that can come out and you can still become pregnant.

Yeah, you can still get pregnant from the pre ejaculate.

I can't believe I just said I'm sorry, Mom and dad. This is my job.

This is your job now. Yeah. You are a sex expert.

I'm not a sex expert, but I do have to talk about It.

I guess you are.

You're so silly. No, but this is, you know, there is. You can do the pull out method. Absolutely. But yeah, it's got a high birth control. There's always a risk.

Yeah, there's gonna be a failure. And two, it's like, it's really difficult for the guy to, you know, because your every instinct, every bodily response in you is saying, do not pull out. I mean it's like working toward that moment. And so it's difficult. It makes it less pleasurable, of course. And like with the pre ejaculate or just late withdrawal.

Late withdrawal, Right.

You can essentially just have no birth control at that point. It's going to have a high pregnancy method. Condoms, while they're effective, they rarely break.

But there's still a. Yeah, there's a.

Chance it could, but even beyond that, it's desensitizing for the man. We've used condoms at different points.

Let me tell you this. And this is. Sometimes people talk about this, but certain condoms can be made of latex. They can be made of. Is it lambskin? Am I saying that right? And then there's another new material, right?

There's like some other synthetic material.

There's another synthetic material. And then they have spermicide on them just in case, like to kill any sperm off if there is some kind of leakage there. But I will say this, that what is not talked about. I mean the sensation thing's talked about a lot. And that's why there's different thickness to them. Like there's the thinnest. You can get like thinner forms of it where it's supposed to be more stimulating. You can get them with little divots on them. So it's maybe more pleasurable for the woman. I mean, there's a lot of different things, but they don't talk about how some of these materials and sometimes the spermicide can be, you know, the woman can have an allergic reaction to these things and you don't know till you know.

Right. She can be allergic to latex or allergic to the spermicide or.

And it can cause horrible pain, it can cause itching, it can cause discomfort. And then that can be something where you're dealing with an allergy and it takes a little time to know and then that can cause issues and then you associate it with sex and it can kind of have this negative connotation. So with all that to say, I just think when it comes to birth control, it takes, you know, both spouses really being honest with each other, talking about your family planning, you know, talking about what is God? You know, what do you feel like, how many kids do you feel like God wants us to have? And I know that some of you out there, you don't believe in birth control, and that is absolutely fine.

Yeah, sure. Because children are a blessing.

They are a blessing.

I mean, we've got four of them. That's all the blessings we wanted.

Right. But I mean, we know that God could have given us more. Absolutely. I mean, that was our. You know, and we. We know, you know, we had even considered adoption. I mean, sometimes God will form your family that way. But I think that it's about prayer, and it's about talking through this, seeing, you know, what brings you peace, where do you feel like God is leading you? And then, you know, where do you have peace when it comes to birth control? Because I know for me, with the depo shot, it really messed with my mental health, and I didn't even understand that that's what it was. And I don't think that was the only thing you guys have heard me talk about. My anxiety and depression journey, which was a very long journey, but did not help that this exacerbated that. And so I had to talk to my doctor, and we were trying to figure out, well, what is going on with this? And instead of just getting on more medicine, it was like, no, no, no. Let's take this out of the picture. And I remember, I think my OB then put me on because I only took one or two rounds of the depo. And then I think she put me on. She was like, I think it's too much estrogen for you. It's messing with you. So then she put me on, I want to say, like, low estrin. It's probably not you guys. This is back in the early 2000s. It's probably called something else now. But essentially it was about as low as you could go with estrogen for people like me affected by it. But I still did not feel quite right, and I did take it.

Yeah, it really impacted you.

It really impacted me. And then as I talked about this more, what's so interesting is my mom tells me, well, I didn't tolerate birth control well either. And then your mom tells me, but.

Nobody talked about it. I didn't talk about it.

I didn't tolerate it either.

So that's why we talk about this stuff, guys, because it's like everybody deals with it, but nobody talks about it. So we just want to be a safe place to say, listen, if you're feeling weird because of birth control. It's messing with your body or your home. You're not alone. In fact, that's what it does, like the pill especially.

I think that that can cause. Now, granted, again, we're not trying to vilify this. You're not a bad person if you get on any of these forms of birth control. They're just a form of birth control. But I'm just saying listen to your body and listen to the Holy Spirit and how he's. There you go, what he's moving you to do. And listen to your spouse, because your spouse may have an opinion on these things as well. And so this is a joint decision. But husbands, too. If your wife's like, man, I don't really like this, then listen to her. And also wives, if your husband's like, man, these condoms are just killing the vibe for me. Let's try some other form, look into that, too. And so we've been there. Like, that was it.

Yeah, there's a lot of trial and error. And so just be willing to be flexible and to keep talking about it.

And I want to say, too, we didn't mention this. So there is the vasectomy for a man, but there's also a woman can get a tubal ligation or her tubes tied. And that is a form as well.

There you go. Yeah, we've covered a lot in 10 minutes. But again, talk to your doctor, look at the options, do the research on your own. But I hope this conversation just helps you and your spouse talk about these things more openly, more clearly, because communication is sexy.

It is.

And it's going to help you. It's going to help you in your sex life and in all parts of your marriage. Thanks so much for tuning in, guys. We're going to continue these conversations on sex tomorrow. We'll see you then.