Maintaining the Emotional Connection

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. You are here for episode six, and you're here for a good one. We're going to talk about when there is an emotional disconnection in your marriage, when you just feel like something is off. And how do we get that back?

We are so excited to be talking about this topic today because it is truly probably one of the biggest questions that we get here. And so, you know, we're talking about emotional connection when it comes to marriage and how, how do we keep the emotional connection and why do we lose the emotional connection? And then how do we get it back?

That's right. I think Aerosmith had a song called Sweet Emotion, and I think a lot of couples have lost. I'm not even try to sing it.

I can't do Sweet Emotion.

Yes, there you go, my rocker girl. I can't hit those Steven Tyler high notes. But this is so true. I think a lot of couples have lost that sweet emotion in their marriage. And by emotion, we don't just mean, like, crying all the time. You know what we mean? It's the heart connection. It's being best friends. It's being on the same page, the same wavelength. It's being able to look into each other's eyes and just know that you're connected. And it's not that kind of funky time that a lot of couples go through where you're out of sync and you just feel like something is off here. I can't put my finger on it, but something is off. There are a million different things that can lead to that, but whatever led you there. We want to talk today about how to get back to that place of complete emotional connection.

It's so true. You know, Dave mentioned the eyes, and I remember when, when Dave and I were first dating and just getting to know each other. One of my favorite parts of, of being with Dave was I felt like he had honest eyes. And, you know, this podcast, all throughout every single episode, we talk about honesty, because that is literally the foundation of having a naked marriage. And, you know, when we were dating, I, I, I would say that to you. I would say, I just love your honest eyes. And really what I was saying is I feel connected to you. I feel like you're not hiding something from me and that you're really seeing me as I am, and I'm seeing you as you are. And I think a lot of times, you know, couples will lose the emotional connection because they stop being honest with each other and they stop really talking about things that Matter. I think it's so easy the longer we're married, and especially when we have busy jobs and kids and all these different things that we're dealing with and plates that we're kind of, you know, that are in the air. At the same time, we can really get so focused on all these things that we stop talking about things that matter, like our dreams, our. Our fears, our hopes. You know, we just talk about shop talk, like what bills need to be paid, where do we need to take the kids? What do you have going at your job? And we stop really sharing our hearts with each other. And you can literally see a change, a physical change in people's eyes when they look at their spouse and they're not emotionally connected. And we were reminded of this recently because we saw a movie called first man, and it was about Neil Armstrong and his wife and his team and going to the moon. You know, that's what we know. Neil Armstrong, for the first man to literally walk on the moon. And that's just quite an accomplishment. So when Dave and I went, we're thinking it's mostly gonna be about, you know, rocket ships in space and all those sorts of things. And it was. But honestly, the biggest part of the movie that was so striking to me was Neil Armstrong's relationship with his wife. And it kind of starts when they're kind of, you know, early in their marriage, they have two young kids, and you can tell that they're not. They're not completely connected. And then we come to find out that their daughter has a brain tumor and she ultimately passes away. And I'm not giving you any too many spoilers. You can look this up on Google. It's not really giving away too much of the movie. But you see them dealing with this, and how they deal with this is they don't talk about it. I mean, they literally do not talk about it. And, you know, going through losing a child is probably one of the worst things that I think anybody can go through. And we have, you know, sadly, we have several friends who've walked through this, and the ones who have come out of this and are still having a thriving marriage talked, you know, through those things and had those hard conversations with each other and grieved together and cried together and were angry at God together and prayed together and looked in the word together. I mean, all those. Those emotions that you're processing, but the ones who don't make it or who settle for a marriage that is lifeless just don't talk about it and expect their you know, to just move on and expect to just kind of start over, so to speak. And that never helps. We have to process things. We have to be vulnerable with each other. And as I was watching this movie, you know, and this is years, it goes over a span of probably a decade, wouldn't you say, sweetie? They literally just don't talk about it and what happened.

And it's what happened in real life a lot of times. Not only in their situation, but we see this played out a lot of different ways. When a guy, in this case Neil, is just disconnecting emotionally from his wife, we kind of pour ourselves into work. Because we men, not all men, not to make huge generalizations, but it's like if we feel like we can't put words to what we're feeling, if we can't win at home, we can't connect the way that we want to at home, we're tempted to pour ourselves into work where everything is measurable. We know what a win looks like. We know I can be good at this. I can flip that switch and I can be focused and I can climb that ladder and I can make that money and I can make it happen. And I know that I'm good at this. And so it creates a bigger divide, because not only are you not connecting at home, but you're looking for your fulfillment somewhere else. You're giving all your best energies to your career or whatever else that thing might be. And the husband and wife just drift further and further apart. We looked up on Wikipedia and saw that down the road, Neil Armstrong and his wife did divorce. And that wasn't a surprise. Kind of looking at how they were depicted as drifting apart. The no emotional connection, not talking about things in this. But we see this in modern times all the time.

I mean, all the time. I told Dave afterwards, we were talking about this, and I know we do marriage ministry, so of course that's the thing that we pay attention to. But I know the audience. I mean, it was a huge part of this movie was this marriage relationship. And as I was watching the wife, I could just see her heart breaking. She just sort of wanted her husband to connect with her. Not only about the death of the daughter. Cause it wasn't just that, but just about work, about life, you know, sharing life together. And anytime it got hard, he would want to escape. And it's like she was giving him space, literally, because he went up in space all the time. But she was giving him space emotionally, too. Trying to kind of let him come to her. But he never did. And so finally, she would just break and she would lash out because she was so frustrated that she wasn't able to talk to her husband. And it just reminded me this is a dynamic that so many of us, you know, can live in for years. And it's so unhealthy, and it's toxic to marriages. And it really hardens our hearts. I mean, day after day after day. And what happens is we just. Like. The only communication, real communication we end up having is fighting. And it may not be yelling. Cause some people aren't yellers, but it might just be snapping at each other. The biting comments or the silence. Or the silence, yes. And honestly, in this particular relationship, this movie, it was silent.

And the silence is the kiss of death.

Oh, gosh.

Like, I mean, in some ways arguing is better because at least you're passionate about something. But the silence is.

It's like you're alive.

A numbness, right? It's just. You're living with a spiritual corpse. You know, that person is just shut off completely. And I think a lot of folks out there, I mean, we get messages, especially from wives, all the time on this issue. Like my husband, it's like, I just don't know how to connect with him. He's in La La land or something. He's focused on work, he's focused on other things. He gets home and he just loses himself in fantasy football or in whatever else. And maybe for husbands, it's. You know, my wife is just. She'll lose herself in social media. She'll spend hours and hours scrolling through Instagram and comparing her life to these highlight reels she sees other people having. And it makes her feel even more discouraged and depressed and emotionally unavailable. And the husband and wife just kind of retreat to their separate parts of the living room or the separate parts of whatever. And that's maybe the hardest part with the modern culture, that is because of technology, because of our smartphones and all the distractions we have. You can be sitting right next to someone and be miles apart, completely emotionally unavailable in two different worlds, even though you're sitting in the same room. So you have the illusion of being together and being connected, but in reality, you might as well be on different planets.

It's so true. And I think that hurts even more when your spouse is literally in the same room with you, but really miles away in their mind and in their heart. And that's why we're talking about this today. Cause we do get so many messages, not just from wives, but from husbands. Too, Saying, like, I just feel completely disconnected. You know, we are physically in the same house. We raise our kids together, we go into our jobs, we do life together, so to speak, as far as just paying the bills and raising the kids. But when it comes to our emotional connection, I feel like I don't even know him anymore. I don't know her anymore. And so how do we get that back? Well, it starts with conversation. And really, it starts with hard conversations. I think that so many times we avoid talking about the hard stuff, and that really only leads to more distance. But I really think that we need to talk about these hard things. You know, I see it this way. You could be in a dining room and, you know, the things you're not talking about start off as this cute little baby elephant, and you're like, oh, my gosh, so cute. You know, and neither one of you are talking about it, but you're seeing it. It doesn't bother you because it's cute and it's little. And then over time, the things you don't talk about, it just, like, feeds this baby elephant. And before you know it, it's taken over your dining room table. It's pressing up against your chest and pushing you all against the walls and sucking the very life out of that room and out of your marriage. And it's suffocating you. And that's what these things that you don't talk about and this lack of connection does to a marriage. And so I just wanna tell you, you need to get that out. You need to pull it out into the open and talk about these things and get the big elephant. You know, you talk about the elephant in the room.

Get.

Get that big elephant out of the room, right? Talk about these things, remove those secrets, remove the lies, remove just the things you're not saying from your marriage. You need to bring it out into the open and be honest. And when you do, even if it's hard truths, even if it's a hurt that you're telling your spouse about, you're going to feel closer. You're going to feel closer than you did before. And day by day, that emotional connection is going to get better and better.

I love that picture. I love the picture of the elephant in the room and feeding it. And the way I see it, like, following up on that metaphor is everything you do in your marriage either feeds your marriage or it feeds the elephant. Everything. Everything you say, everything you don't say. Every minute that you spend, you're either feeding your intimacy with your spouse, you're growing that marriage. You're feeding it, or you're feeding that elephant in the room that's going to keep getting bigger and bigger.

It's getting bigger and bigger.

And you got to start starving that elephant, and you got to start feeding.

Your marriage and just get it out.

Because, yeah, when you don't, what happens? And this is the dynamic that a lot of couples are in, and we've written about this, we've spoken about this, and we'll talk about it right now, is that you start living just like roommates instead of husband and wife. Right? You're not necessarily fighting, but you're just two ships passing in the night. You're sharing bills, you're sharing kids, you're sharing responsibilities. But ultimately, you're just. You're living like divorced people under the same roof. And you're in the illusion that things are okay because you're maybe cordial with each other and you maybe aren't fighting. Maybe you are, but it's just that roommate dynamic. We're not best friends. We're not passionate. We're not lovers. We're not partners. We're not husband and wife. We are roommates, and we share a bed. We sleep on opposite sides of the bed. We go through our routine throughout the day, and we rarely connect. How do we break out of that roommate trap?

I think one of the very first things we can do. We talked about being open and honest, but I think one approach you can take, and the initial approach that you need to take when first, you know, trying to get emotionally reconnected, is telling your spouse thank you and just being grateful. And I would say when you wake up in the morning, instead of thinking, oh, I have to talk to him today, or, I have to talk to her today, or whatever, you know, having kind of a negative approach to your spouse. Think about, what am I thankful for in my spouse today? And whatever it is, it could be the smallest little thing. The smallest thing. I want you to go to your spouse and tell your spouse thank you for whatever it is. You know, thank you that you picked up your laundry off the floor today. Thank you that you made my coffee this morning. Thank you that you put the kids to bed last night. Whatever it is. And maybe it's not even an action. Maybe it's, you know, thank you that, you know, you. You shared that book with me, or thank you that you told me that funny joke or whatever it is. I mean, you have to sometimes be really grasping, especially if you are emotionally disconnected.

Some people are out there Thinking, I can't think of a thing.

Thank you that you're breathing, but I'm so glad you're alive.

Those words are so powerful. I'm telling you, Ashley is right on the money here. The words thank you are two of the most disarming words you know. There's so many words that can start a fight. Thank you is one that just immediately puts some water on a fire. It's like when you show genuine gratitude. And you might be thinking, like Ashley said, it's. I can't. I can't find much to thank him for. An exercise we do in a lot of our XO marriage conferences is that we say, look, we all think we see reality exactly as it is, but the truth is we all have our blind spots. And so here's the example. I'm going to give you five seconds to look around this room and look for the color red. Look for red in the exit signs. Look for red purses, red shoes, red shirts. And in five seconds, I'm going to ask you to close your eyes and see how much you saw. See if you're more perceptive than your spouse, even. And so we count to five. We let them look around the room. And I say, stop and close your eyes. And I say, now, here's the exercise out loud. I want you to tell me everything you just saw that is the color blue. And people laugh because they can't think of anything to say. And then they open their eyes, and I'm usually wearing a blue shirt. And I say, look, I've been standing in front of you this whole time. You've been looking at me this whole time. I'm wearing blue. It's the color that I am, and you didn't see it. And the reason why you didn't see it is the reason why we don't see most things. You were looking for something else. Jesus said, seek and you will find. Really? The verb tense he used in the Greek was, whatever you keep seeking is what you're likely to find. It's so true. And so the opposite of that has to be true as well. Whatever you're not seeking, whatever you're not looking for, you're not likely to see. If you're only looking for reasons to criticize your spouse, it's all you'll see. All you will see are their flaws. But if you will train your mind and soul to say, lord, help me to look at my spouse with gratitude and compassion and love, help me see the good, you'll see it all the time. You'll look for. You'll start seeing things, little things. You know, you're such a good mom. You're such a good dad. The way that you take time for this, the way that you work so hard to provide your consistency. I mean, there's always something to praise, but you've got to willingly look for it.

Absolutely. And it not only blesses your spouse, it really blesses you as well, because it changes your perspective and it kind of softens your heart. You know, we talked about when you have a lack of emotional connection, there's usually hardened hearts. You know, you and your spouse, it's like your hearts are hardened towards one another. And every time you show gratitude to each other, it's like your heart becomes a little softer. And I just love that because it really does. It affects both the husband and the wife. And so it's a great practice every day. If you start with just one thing, and I'm saying just you, maybe it's just you who starts making this change, I promise you, you will notice a change in your spouse as well. They're gonna soften their heart towards you as well. And it's just a beautiful way to kind of get the ball rolling.

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There'S other ways to connect too. You know, we talk a lot about prayer, you know, through this podcast. And in order to have a softened heart, we gotta be connected to our creator. We've gotta be connected to God. And, you know, I wanna challenge you. It's really hard to pray for someone and stay mad at them, and I just challenge you to do it. You can't, because it's so crazy how God just softens our heart towards that person and he may also change our situation, but most of the time he starts with changing our perspective and softening our hearts. And so if you're angry with your spouse in the morning, if you tend to have kind of a negative bend towards your spouse, start your day out with praying and saying, lord, and, you know, and be thankful too, in your prayer. Thank you for my spouse, thank you for my family, and, you know, help me to have a good attitude towards my husband or towards my wife today. Help me to do something to bless them and to make their life easier today. And, you know, thank you, Lord, for all that you've given me. And I'm telling you, it will change your whole day.

It will. It will absolutely change your whole day. Starting off with the right focus in prayer is huge. We've actually got a free resource. I wouldn't plan on plugging this, but a free resource to help you with this. We have a 31 day marriage devotional. It's like 30 seconds worth of reading with a Bible verse and then just kind of a prayer to pray for your spouse every day. If you will do this every day for a month, I'm telling you, I feel like your marriage and your faith could be stronger a month from now. You can download it for free. Daveandashleywillis.com Daveandashleywillis.Com and even if you don't use our resource, pray, read God's word.

It's a conversation with God.

It's a conversation with God. Talk to your dad and he will change your perspective. God uses prayer both to change our situations, but he also uses it to change our perspective. And a lot of times, our perspective is what needs changing the most. So in addition to prayer, some other ways to connect. We are huge proponents of date night. You will hear us talk about date night. We're gonna do a future podcast episode specifically on fun, affordable, unique ways to do date night. Yes. So we won't camp out on it forever here. But just know it's so important. Make it a priority. Get a babysitter. It blows my mind. This is my little soapbox. Brilliant people, intelligent people that find every different way to solve all the problems life throws at them. They act completely helpless when it comes to finding reliable childcare. And this seriously blows my mind. We'll have friends that are like engineers and doctors and, you know, smart, intelligent people. Intelligent people. People even with resources. And they'll be like, hey, we've gotta go out for something this weekend. Do you know of a babysitter? We don't have a babysitter. I'm like, you've lived here longer than us. Like, how do you not have babysitters? It's the first thing we do when we move here.

It literally is the first thing.

We'll start recruiting, we'll start interviewing. And we've got right now, we've only lived here. We've lived here for four months. We have no family here.

We have six babysitters on our list.

Six babysitters that we use and in a drop off place called Adventure Kids, which is amazing. Where you can just take your kids and drop them off, which I wish they had those everywhere. You've got to prioritize that. And I know that sometimes money's tied. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty if you just do not have.

And we've been there.

We've been there too.

We've totally been there. We get it.

But we tend to find a way for what's important. We tend to either make a way or make an excuse in life. And we've gotta make a way to make time alone together with your spouse. Even if that is just putting the kids to bed early and making a nightly routine of we're gonna have an hour without the kids, where it's just us and just see where that might lead.

I mean, it's so true. And you know, even in this very lean times financially for us, there was always a why you can find a YMCA almost anywhere. And they do parents night out and it's usually $5 a kid. And they give you about three, three and a half hours to go on a date night. And those were just a saving grace for us. Like, we were so thankful for that. They even feed your kids. You don't have to feed them dinner. They give them pizza, they play with them, they show them a movie. It's really fun. So definitely make it a priority. You know, I also think we got to make sex a priority. We need to be making love, we need to be connecting sexually. And I think a lot of times.

Some of the guys just tuned back in, by the way, that's true. Welcome back. Like, they were zoning out, not listening.

Yes.

Ashley said sex and you perked up in the car. Like, what? Where you're looking around. Yes, hey, welcome back. But this is.

It is important. And you know, a lot of times when we feel emotionally disconnected, we shut down sexually as well, because sex is emotional. And I think a lot of times, especially for women, if we don't feel like our husband is connecting with us emotionally, we don't want to have sex because we're like, you're not meeting my emotional needs. That's kind of how we see it.

And that creates this vicious cycle because for a guy, we can tend to compartmentalize sex where it's just like this mechanical need. Almost like we can be completely mad at our wife and still like, well, but hey, it's time to have sex. Yeah, let's have sex. And she's like, what are you talking about? And so if a man is emotionally unavailable, if he's being cruel or mean or indifferent or ignoring his wife, guys, listen. She's not gonna wanna make love to you. She's not gonna want you to touch her. And so what happens is she pulls away. The husband gets more frustrated, and so he starts treating her even worse because he's completely sexually frustrated.

Now he's mad.

Now he's mad. He's thinking, this is my main need. And she's the only person on earth who can meet this need, and she's choosing not to. And. And so both are just blaming each other. And the rift grows wider and wider, and they start treating each other worse and worse until they get cold, they get indifferent, because cruelty then kind of gives way to just apathy. And that's like the kiss of death before divorce. So when you find yourself in that place, in that dark place of, like, going through this cycle of being disconnected, and sex is kind of a good measure of that, because if you're not doing it, or when you are, if it's just kind of like one person is just doing it completely out of obligation and it's just a mechanical act, then that is a really clear sign that there is a huge emotional disconnection. And it's time to be intentional about coming back together, not only sexually, but saying, we've got to prioritize our marriage. We've got to fix this. Like, if this was a vehicle, every warning light on the dashboard is going off right now. It's not safe to drive. We've got to get help. We need to get counseling. We need to do whatever it takes, but you've got to be intentional about that. It just blows my mind again. How many couples, smart, intelligent people who. They'll go to the doctor when they get sick. They'll go to the mechanic when their car's not working. They'll call a plumber when their toilet's broken. But their marriage, the most important relationship of their life, could be in crisis. And they will act completely helpless to know what to do. Call a counselor. You know, get with somebody. You don't have to fix this on your own. We're huge proponents of counseling. Get a professional that can help you through this. I think that's some of the best advice we can give.

Absolutely. You know, it reminded me, as we're talking about this, a friend of mine, years ago, I was going on a girls trip, and there was just three of us, and she was driving, and she pretty much told my Other friend and I. She said, listen, I'm gonna be getting divorced. I just want you guys to know. And we're like, oh, my gosh, what happened? And she said, really? Nothing. I mean, we've just kind of fallen out of love. We're just emotionally disconnected, you know, I just don't think we're meant to be together anymore. And we're like, no, no, you know, you can do this. And have you gotten counseling? No, I'm just tired, you know, I just know it's done. I just wanted to tell you. Cause you're my friends. I mean, it was just that kind of, like, report kind of conversation. And my heart was just breaking. The whole time. I'm quietly kind of praying for my friend. And my other friend, I know she was doing the same thing. And through this weekend together, we just talked to her and tried to give her some hope and said, listen, you've got to go to counseling. You've got to try to work on this. Because you guys, you have so much good here. You're just in a tough season. This is just a really tough season and an opportunity to work through this and get stronger together. And she's like, I don't know, maybe I'll do it. Well, you fast forward, I think about a month. They did see a counselor, and then they were challenged to start having sex every day. And so they did this. They did this for a whole month.

Reluctantly, reluctantly, or at least she was reluctant. He might have been like.

She was like, whatever, I'll do it. And honestly, my friend at that time was taking on the mentality, like, I'm going to do this, because I'll be able to say I did everything to save it. And it just didn't work. I mean, I really think that's how she went into it.

And sex wasn't all they were doing.

It wasn't. No, they were seeing accounts.

They were doing all the other things.

They were trying to protect their marriage. Right. And so they started doing this and you all. By the end of it, I think after about a week, she said they just started connecting more emotionally. And they really couldn't even keep their hands off each other. Cause sex is one of those things where it does connect us emotionally. And then the more you have it, the more you want it. And there's this amazing connection you can have together. And so I just, you know, if that's possible for you. Some of you are like, listening to this and you're like, that seems crazy, right?

Or like, she was. There's no way.

I don't want him touching. And that's not gonna help. You know, that was kind of. And she. Till this day, she's like. I mean, their marriage is better than ever. Like, they have an amazing marriage. I mean, it's just a beautiful, beautiful marriage. And they just love each other and value each other so much. And they look back on that, and she's just like, I'm so glad I didn't give up. I'm so glad that I did the work, you know, and actually, what fun homework to have to have sex every day. You know, I mean, at the time, if you're feeling emotionally disconnected, that doesn't seem like great homework. But it can lead to great things. And so I just want to encourage you.

I'm feeling kind of disconnected from you. I think we need some homework.

We need some homework.

No, but it is. I mean, not to make light of people in difficult situations. No, no, no. And it takes more than sex, because it's hard to build a great marriage.

Absolutely.

It's nearly impossible to build a great marriage without it. And so make it a priority. And that leads to kind of the final one on our list, which is to have fun together. I think that the amount of laughter in your marriage is a really good indicator of the amount of health and connection in your marriage. Like, laughter is sort of like the fuel gauge on your car. When your marriage is full of laughter, you know, things are good. When you're on empty, then things might need some adjustment. And so be intentional about fun. And, you know, don't look. Just look at marriage. We use the word work a lot, and sometimes there is definitely work involved to build a strong marriage. But don't neglect the fun. Don't neglect the laughter, the playfulness, the flirtation. Don't neglect all those things you were doing back when you were dating that you never should have stopped doing just because you got married. Keep having fun together.

Yeah, there's. Laughter is something that can connect your hearts like nothing else. I mean, it's just like Dave said, it should be the soundtrack of your marriage. And I think whenever we have fun together and we laugh together, it's a great way to blow off steam, especially when things are tense at home. And I think that's when we neglect it the most, though, because when we're feeling disconnected, we don't joke with each other. We don't flirt with each other anymore. But really, we need to find reasons and ways to do that. And really, you know, sometimes it's just going out of Your way to say, hey, you remember that funny show we saw together? Remember that one joke that we loved, you know, for Dave and I were huge office fans. And there'll be random times where we'll say something silly and be like, oh, that was my favorite episode. Oh, Jim and Pam. I just love Jim and Pam. You know, like, we'll think about just funny movies or, you know, sometimes it's just funny. Maybe you had a word, like a phrase that you guys used to say to each other that was like your inside joke. Bring that back out. Like, you would shock your spouse.

The inside jokes.

Start saying that again.

Joking together.

Yes.

I mean, we try to surprise each other just with.

Well, Dave shocks me all the time.

Oh, yeah.

Like, he's, like, stealthy. I mean, he'll, like, surprise me.

I love mooning Ashley without her knowing.

Like, it's not a full moon. It's like a half.

Yeah. Like, I just, you know, show a little crack. Little man cleavage. She laughs every time. She laughs every time.

And he does it sometimes in public when he thinks no one's watching. Like, our neighbor.

I'm going to get arrested one of these days.

Like, I'm serious. We have. You guys, we're new here. Our neighbors probably think we're weirdos. But he just. Yeah, he'll be like, oh, I need to run in the house and get something. And he'll turn around and he'll have, like a half moon going, and then he'll turn around to look and see my reaction. And he gets there every time. It's so funny. He's been doing it literally for years, and I just love it. And it's kind of our inside joke. And we have a lot of inside jokes, but many, many. Let me tell you, during tense seasons, though, I'll notice how we won't be doing that to each other as much. And I will feel it and he'll feel it. And there's times where we're like, you know what? Watch something funny and talk about it, or let's talk about, you know, let's listen to something funny or talk about something funny. Like, we just try to bring in that laughter because it is something that just really softens our hearts again. It softens our hearts towards one another. And so if, you know, there's something that your spouse usually finds funny or there was some funny moment throughout your marriage, I just challenge you, you know, at dinner tonight, just randomly bring that up and laugh about it again.

Yes. Be intentional about that. A healthy marriage should have a lot more comedy than drama. And so make make laughter the soundtrack your marriage and that's going to bring you together emotionally. It's going to laughter can be that glue that can help bind your your hearts back together. Man, it's been so fun talking talking about this today. I want to give you guys a few quick next steps. Told you in the last episode. Our Naked Marriage book is available for pre order nakedmarriagebook.com we've got freebies. You can instantly download a free marriage conference essentially when you get our book. It's two of our favorite talks we've done at marriage conferences, plus a free download of our naked Truth About Sex book. You can start reading that instantly and you'll be the first to get the Naked Marriage book when it comes out in February. We're so excited. So subscribe to the podcast. Leave a review when you help us spread the word. It is together. We're in partnership to to bring this message to more people and we're together building stronger marriages. And then let us know what topics you want to hear. Guys, we don't want to just we build these topics based on messages we get from you. You guys write us on Facebook, you send us emails, you talk to us at live events. These are all based on real life situations and real life questions that we hear from you. But if you have a specific issue that we have not addressed, write us, tell us about it and you might be the inspiration preparation for future episodes.

That's right. Thank you all so much for listening today. We will talk to you soon.

See you next time.