Monogamy vs. Multiple Partners

Welcome to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And we've got. We've got a big topic today. I mean, we're going to talk about. Is monogamy dying? You know, there's so much out there right now with polygamy, polyamory just. Yeah, just a lot of different views about sex. And some people say that the idea of a monogamous marriage is outdated. So is it? And we've got a lot to say. The Bible has a lot to say about this as well. So we're going to have a fun conversation today, diving into a topic I don't think we've ever touched on. So we're looking forward to that. But first, my brilliant and beautiful bride is going to read a review. And again, thank you for those who leave. Reviews wherever you're listening. YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, wherever you're listening. The reviews really, really help, and we're encouraged by them.

That's right. So today I'm reading one from Hudson Sanders. He entitled it Fantastic Podcast. It says, I will be getting married in a few months. And this has helped me tremendously with learning more about the covenant of marriage and exactly what I'm signing up for. God is working through this podcast, no doubt in my mind. And so that's so exciting, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and thank you for leaving us that review. We are so excited to dive into today's episode, but before we do, please listen to this resource.

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Man, we got a doozy for you today. We're gonna talk about. Is monogamy dying? You know, I mean, when you watch reality TV and you look at what's happen and trending in the news, you know, if. Well, if you watch just a few episodes of the Tiger King, you're gonna think that the world itself is ending. But you see on all sides that this polyamory polygamy, multiple spouses, multiple partners is something that is becoming more mainstream. I even saw, you know, something from the Gottman Institute, which has traditionally been one of the most respected names in secular research related to marriage, and they've put out some. Some really solid stuff over the years to help married couples. They're even saying that, yeah, we need to look at polyamory. Of this whole multiple partners thing is a valid avenue to explore. Of course, they're not coming from a Christian perspective. Now, as Christians, how are we to respond? What should our approach be to those who feel like, what's the point of monogamy? Why can't I just play the field and date around or even have an open marriage? What's the response to that? Or those that want to get real debate, like, with it, and point to some of the examples of polygamy in the Old Testament of the Bible, which, you know, we'll talk about that too, today, because these are important issues. And I think that we. We as people who value marriage and value the covenant of marriage that God established between one man and one woman in Genesis, and then that was re established by Jesus himself when he was asked about marriage. The only type of marriage that Jesus himself ever validated was pointing back to God's original design of one man, one woman for life within the covenant of monogamous marriage. But how do we deal with just the messiness in our world of people who have tried to redefine marriage and sexual relationship in so many different ways? So, sweetie, this is a new topic.

It is.

I'm sweating a little over here.

Yeah.

So why don't you talk for a while?

It's a real thing.

It's a real thing.

I mean, it's a real thing. You know, we want this podcast to talk about real issues and real questions that people have. And, you know, we do. We get questions about this because it is so much in the culture. I mean, I would be lying to you if I didn't say that I watch Sister Wives sometimes. Like, it fascinates me because I would. I just am like, oh, my goodness. Like, that just seems so crazy to me. But in the same way, I know a lot of these thoughts that even in religious groups have, you know, Cause this particular. Like Sister Wives, for example, are a certain sect of the Mormon Church, and they believe in having multiple wives, and they believe it's very holy, and I think they base it on Old Testament. So a lot of times when we hear about polygamy, people are like, well, it was in the Old Testament. But the thing about it, and you know, when you study this biblically, we can see over and over again that it's not how God intended marriage to be. No, God intended marriage to be between one woman and one man and for those two to become one flesh. And so it gets really messy when you look at these polygamous marriages. And time and time again in the Word. I mean, it plays out like the Bible shows that. Right, sweetie?

Yes. It's always, always drama. It's always against God's original design. And God's original design, again, Genesis, one man, one woman for life reaffirmed in the New Testament, one man, one woman for life is the only in the New Testament type of marriage that was ever affirmed by Jesus. And then elsewhere in the New Testament, there were examples of polygamy in the Old Testament, but you have to look at the kind of the unique cultural context in which it existed. There were more women than men because in the case of, like, Moses, who had two wives, there was an infanticide in the time of Moses where the firstborn baby boys of the Hebrew race were killed by Pharaoh in an attempt to limit the male population. Then you look at all the men who were killed in wars and in battle, and there were probably at least twice as many women of marrying age as there were of men. Now, this was happening in a time when childbirth and family was a woman's complete and total security net and provision. And so for half the women to have to be living as nuns essentially was actually putting them at great risk. And so culturally, for a time, it was allowed to have multiple wives as a way to help those women who didn't have any other options as a way to help them have the family provision that should exist. It was never God's original design. And it always, even when it was allowed, it created a lot of baggage. The only other example of multiple wives in the Old Testament were a few of the kings of Israel who took on a whole bunch of wives and had harems. This is something that God specifically had spoken against before the monarchy was ever even established in Israel and Judah, saying, and once you establish kings, you know, one thing they cannot do, they must not do is take on a bunch of wives, because those women are going to lead their hearts far away from God. That's exactly what happened in the case of Solomon and others. And so when we see these examples in scripture, it's not saying, yeah, this is the way it should be. It's showing us an example of all the wreckage and Baggage that happens when we disregard God's original design of one man, one woman.

Right? And I just want to give you guys that verse reference. It's Deuteronomy 17, 17. It says this. And he shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away. Nor shall he acquire for himself excessive silver and gold. So be indulgent in any way. And wives are silver and gold. And you know, if you look through the Old Testament, there's consequences which with each of these, there's sibling rivalries of David's son. There's, you know, there's Solomon leading, leading to idolatry. There's all kinds of things that consequences that happen. You know, anytime we go against God's best for our lives, there's just going to be natural consequences. And, you know, this isn't something we're making up. Like this just goes right back to the Bible. And so that, that in and of itself, it just shows that it's not God's plan for marriage. And, you know, marriage is a covenant between two people that is just so beautiful and so holy. And anytime we're bringing in this, the whole idea of polyamorous saying like, I wanna kind of give my heart to you, but maybe give it to these other people too, because, you know, I just wanna keep it spicy. That's not marriage. That's not really devotion.

No. And in the New Testament in particular, one of the greatest distinctions the Bible points out between the people of God and the people of the world is specifically in how we view sex is something that's sacred versus something that's just casual. And so throughout the New Testament, if you want to truly be a follower of Christ, the way the New Testament points it to, one thing that it always will say, especially for those who want to aspire to a role of leadership, is you have to be the husband of but one wife. It says, in other words, you have to be if you're going to be married. If you're not going to be a single person living celibate the way that the Apostle Paul and some others did, then you have to be in a monogamous marriage with one person. Because even 2,000 years ago, in the cultures of Rome and Athens and some of what was happening, happening in the biblical world, there were a lot of examples of orgies, There was prostitution was very rampant, homosexuality was very rampant. Multiple partners, casual sex. This isn't a modern concept. This has been going on forever. People misusing sex. And one thing that made the people of God stand out, people that were Truly following Jesus is because of their view that sex is something that's sacred and it's not something that should ever be treated casually. And it's meant to exist specifically and exclusively within a covenant marriage between one man and one woman. And any other use of sex is ultimately going to hurt everybody involved. And we see that emotionally, physically, in terms of disease and other things. We see it on so many levels. The wreckage that happens when people are reckless with sex. We see it with pornography. We've talked a lot about porn, which is really just another example of not valuing the covenant sacredness of an exclusive marriage relationship. We see it with, gosh, now, technology being used to further that kind of mentality, that we can look at others as objects. There are sex robot brothels that are popping up. I saw read one study recently that by the year 2050, they think that the AI technology for sex robots is going to be so that people will actually have sex with robots more often than they have sex with other human beings. So this is just where we're trending as a society that we just look at objects and we look at other people as objects to just essentially be a place where we can act out whatever mental fantasy we have. And we've cheapened sex to the point where it's lost in our culture, that sacredness that God created for the covenant of marriage. And I think as Christians, we need to be on the front lines to really reclaim that. Not in a way to just try to shake our fists and preach morality at people, but to point to God's beautiful, original, and perfect design of what marriage and what sex should be as we live that out in our own lives.

Right? And, you know, all of this really starts in our mind. It starts in our fantasies. And I think we have to be really careful on what we really allow to take root in our mind. And, you know, the Bible's so clear about this on, you know, really, it talks about how as a man thinks, so he becomes. And that could be the same for a woman as a woman thinks, so she becomes. It's just how we what and how we think affects everything. It affects what we do, it affects how we treat people, it affects how we see people, and especially when it comes to our marriage. And so if we're, you know, feeling like we're bored in our marriage and we've already made kind of that mental decision that it's just playful to think about and fantasize about these other people, the only natural other place it goes is you just keep on Going deeper with that. You know, it may start with flirting with them on Facebook. Then it could turn into a full blown affair. I mean, whenever we talk to people who've had affairs, it always starts very small. They don't plan from the start to go do that. Like most of the time it's very innocently. It's something where they're just kind of flirting with it and they're like, I just wanna connect with this other person. I feel like they get me. I feel like, you know, they bring me something in my life that I don't have with my spouse. And then it leads you down that road. Well, in the same way, when it comes to this having a polyamorous relationship, it just takes you down deeper and deeper and deeper away from the covenant that you've made with your spouse. Because we've gotta be focused on, you know, the beautiful, wonderful spouse that God has given us. And so when we have a divided mind where we're entertaining these sexual fantasies about other people and then maybe even acting out on those, we are going completely against the covenant of marriage. And it's really cheapening the marriage that God has given us. And we're missing out on the beautiful life that he wants to give us in our marriage. And so we just wanna talk about this because it's a slippery slope. It's something that I think anybody, if they're not careful, if you don't have those boundaries in place. You know, we talk a lot about healthy boundaries in marriage all throughout all of our podcasts, but this is one of those things where you've gotta be so careful about where your mind goes first and foremost. And then those little, you know, it's really like a subtle, subtle decisions that we make, ways we think, little things we do, little concessions we make that we would never have made when we get into certain kind of seasons of our marriage, it's a dangerous territory. So we just want to share this podcast with you as kind of a warning to not go down that road to focus in on your spouse. And if you are even entertaining those thoughts of fantasizing about someone else, repent about that. And then focus on your spouse and really lean into your marriage and work on your marriage.

Yeah, because frankly, we're all being desensitized to some of these issues just by what's on mainstream tv. Like the shows that we all stream that can seem kind of harmless in and of themselves for the most part. These shows do not have in any way a sacred view of sex. And we see that through the objectification of in particular how women are displayed as sex objects. We see that through the way that relationships with a lot of casual sex are shown. And little by little it can kind of desensitize us. And our kids are growing up in this and our kids are being told an agenda related to sex and sexuality that is completely unbiblical. I talk a lot about this in a book I released last year called Raising boys who respect girls that specifically talks about how to raise boys with sexual purity in a world where there's so much kind of sexual brokenness and messed up views about what masculinity really means. But I think for all of us, whether we're raising boys or girls, we need to engage in conversations and meaningful conversations about sex and God's design for it and God's design of marriage. And don't think you're being open minded by like entertaining all of these other options that the world throws out. We need to fight for the truth and fight for the minds and hearts of the next generation to reclaim God's view of sex and marriage. Because if not, they're going to hurt themselves and others under the guise of just free exploration related to sex that is going to create so much baggage unnecessarily in them and so much hurt. And we're called to help protect them and guide them through that. We have a free blog on the marriagetoday.com site called how to and when to teach your kids about sex. That's one of the free resources you can look up to kind of help start those conversations. Because this isn't just about your marriage. This is about your kids marriages. This is about setting them up to have the right view and a healthy view where they can enter into that covenant the right way with the right mindset. Because the world, in big ways and in small ways is trying to erode and chip away and replace God's design for a lifelong monogamous marriage. And any other counterfeit that's put in there is going to cause harm.

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Want to share this with you and then talk specifically about kind of seeing this happen with real people and kind of where this leads when it comes to being polyamorous. You know, I think, I don't know if this term is used as much, but it's kind of the same kind of thing as swinging, you know, like being a swinger, that kind of thing. I know that we've seen people walk through that and seen where it leads. But there's a verse, there's a lot of verses about this, but I love, you know, the verses where it goes back to Genesis and it talks about this, you know, a man shall leave his wife and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Well, in Matthew 19:6, you know, Jesus, he just reiterates this and then he talks about, you know, so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. And when he's talking about man, he's talking about human beings, okay? So let no man or woman separate. So when we're bringing in, you know, we're embracing, maybe swinging or becoming swingers or a polyamorous relationship, we're bringing in, bringing in other people that are essentially separating us. And we actually saw this play out with some people not too long ago where this couple, they were like, you know, we're kind of bored. Let's embrace swinging. So they brought in another person to the relationship, and the wife, or I think the woman who was brought into their relationship ended up getting with the husband. And then the two of them, you know, they divorced their spouses, got married to each other, and then ultimately divorced each other again. And it's just led to all this wreckage. It's led to, you know, multiple divorces, people, you know, broken hearts, confusion, chaos. And it's just kind of been this, this terrible trickle down effect of brokenness. And so, you know, it just, I think people fall into this very innocently when they're not going to the Lord as their source. And so, please don't hear me. I'm not speaking at you as a judge. My heart goes out to anybody who falls into this because I hate to see the wreckage. Just like Jesus, when He would talk about things like divorce. It was from a broken heart, saying, I don't want you to go through this. Cause I know how heartbreaking it is. And I don't want to my people, who I love to go through this. And so, you know, when Dave and I talk to you about this, we're talking to you as people who. We have to be beyond reproach, too. We have to be on our toes, because this can happen to anybody. And I think people fall into these. These lines of thinking because they are bored, because they're. They're like, well, what could it hurt? I mean, we're still married to each other. You know, we're just trying to keep it spicy. What could it hurt? And they just.

Or they'll say, it's not even wrong if you both agree to it. Like, you're both agreeing like a husband and wife.

I'm not cheating.

Yeah. I mean, husband and wife could, you know, agree to shoot each other in the head. And it doesn't mean that it's right. I mean, it's still really messed up.

We make these justifications, but people do.

They justify. And again, they've been desensitized. Again, I think pornography, I'll preach against porn every chance I get. I know from personal experience the wreckage it can cause mentally and otherwise, where we just think like, no, this is just fun. This is spicing it up and whatever. And it is not. It is so toxic. And we won't just turn this into an episode on that because we have a lot of resources on that. And our Naked Marriage book, which I encourage you to read or listen to the audiobook if you haven't talks a lot about that as well. But I do think that's part of where the desensitizing has come from. And Jesus speaks to this. He says, to look at a woman with lust is to commit adultery in your heart. All this, like Ashley said earlier, it all begins in the mind. And if you think that your thought life doesn't matter and that whatever happens in your mind is. Is a free for all and it doesn't matter, you're totally wrong. The Bible has a ton to say about that. I could point to a lot of research that shows how every poor decision we make, it begins in our thought life if that goes unchecked. And so this isn't just about saying, I'm not going to invite another human being into our bed. It means I'm not going to invite another person into our fantasies, into our mind. Because polygamy, polyamory these outside fantasies of any kind, one of the reasons why they don't work is because it's robbing you and your spouse of something that was meant exclusively for the two of you. It's dividing a heart that was meant to be completely undivided. And that never ends well.

It doesn't. You know, and just practically speaking, marriage requires a lot of time, a lot of communication, connection, sex, the list goes on and on. A lot of focus just on one person. And just practically speaking, you're not gonna be able to foster that strong relationship when you're splitting your time. And also, just the heartache and the drama that all of this brings, I mean, it just brings on so much of that. And, you know, God wants us to have peace. We talk about peace all the time on here. He wants us to have peace. He wants us to have understanding. And we can't do that when we have a divided mind, when we're just chasing fantasies. And, you know, I wanna address this real quick. I think we have a culture too, and I don't know when this happened, but there is this kind of thread I'm seeing throughout a lot of these shows. And a lot of things just kind of in the secular world where they're acting like if you don't entertain things like being polyamorous or swinging or polygamy or whatever it is, that you don't have, like, a heightened mind or you don't. That you're kind of a fuddy duddy, for lack of a better word. And that you're not, like, opening your mind to what all the world has to offer? And I just wanna say that that's ridiculous. I mean, how many times, you know, have there been things in our culture that people say are great that end up just hurting people in the process? So don't believe that lie. I mean, that's just a lie from the enemy.

That's what Satan does. He is a liar. Like, that's. He's the master of lies.

Oh, yeah.

And from the garden, the first married couple. And ever since, he's been trying to slither his way in and trying to get you to believe things that aren't true and to doubt God's good intentions and God's original design. And he's doing it now specifically with sex, I think, more than ever before.

Oh, yeah, and sex, again, like we say on here all the time, it was specifically designed by God for marriage, for a husband and a wife to experience together, to bring them to a level of connection like nothing else. Can on this earth. It's exclusively for marriage. It's a gift from God. It was always his idea. And so, you know, we start to believe that sex is somehow Satan's idea. But Satan only perverts that which God designed. And it was designed for marriage. It was designed for you and your spouse to enjoy, for it to be beautiful, or for it to be something that, that you. You have to work at. And just because you have to work at something or that it's difficult or that it's hard not just coming to sex, but just. Just anything in marriage, it doesn't mean it's not good. You know, most things in life that, that, that we treasure are because we work for it, because we put effort towards it. And so even if you're bored in your marriage, you know, I, I don't think it's by any accident that you clicked on this podcast today. I think boredom can lead us to make a lot of terrible decisions. And I just wanna tell you, just because you're bored doesn't mean that your spouse isn't amazing or that your marriage couldn't be amazing. Do something different, and don't let that different thing be entertaining polyamory or anything like that, but do something different and, like, listen to these podcasts, talk about it. Really invest in your spouse, invest time in this one amazing person that God gave you, and make your relationship the best it can be.

Yeah. And don't believe the lies out there. There's a lot of secular books and a lot of celebrities that are saying things like, well, I don't even think we're designed for monogamy. Human beings aren't designed for monogamy. Even Kristen Bell recently in an interview said, like, no, I don't think human beings are designed to be monogamous. And it's really hard, even though she's choosing to be in a monogamous marriage. And so just because something is difficult, it doesn't mean that it's not right. And just because people say, well, you know, we're just primates and, you know, gorillas aren't monogamous. I'm like, what kind of argument is that? They also, gorillas live outside and throw poop.

They throw their poop?

Yeah, they throw poop at each other. It's like, how are they our role models? I think part of what God did to design us with a sacredness that the animals don't have is that we're creating his image and we can reason and that we have a soul and sex is not Just this animal act. It's sacred. It's spiritual, emotional in a way that no animal could ever experience. And so when we reduce ourselves to the level of animals, then we miss the point. But again, that's part of the lie of Satan, is he wants us to look at people as if they're animals and animals as if they're people. And that's part of the myth and the lie that we're living in right now as a culture where everything's out of whack, everything's out of place, and we need to come back to God's original design and stop believing the lie that it's outdated or that it doesn't work. It's still and always the best way to live and certainly the best way to be married.

And it's good.

And it's good.

And I love how God, when he first designed us, he said, it's good. You know, marriage is good. And this beautiful connection, this beautiful union is good and beautiful, even though we do have to work at it. Because, you know, I think like that quote from Kristen Bell saying we're not designed. You know, I don't believe they're Christians. And so I understand as a non Christian, that you would maybe look at it that way. But really, when you look at the Bible, really what she's noticing is just that we all are human beings and we're frail and we can be tempted. All of us can be tempted. And just because you can be tempted, it doesn't mean you can't be married. It just means you have to go to the source of who can help you through any temptation. I mean, even Jesus himself was tempted. But what did Jesus do when he was tempted? He quoted Scripture at the enemy who was tempting him. He relied on God's truth. And I think, you know, we've got to do the same thing. We've got to look back to the word, look back to the best marriage book there is. You know, people always ask us, what is the best marriage book? And we're like, it's the Bible. It's the Bible. It really is. And why is it? Because God created marriage. God created sex. And so we gotta go back to the source.

That's true. You thought we were gonna say, the naked marriage is the best marriage book. And we do recommend it, but.

And it's got a lot of the Bible in there.

Not as much as the Bible. The Bible is number one and everything else. Every other truth, you know, is built on that truth, Right? So kind of landing the plane with the whole polygamy deal, listen, it's not even legal right now, but I just wanna prepare you guys that I believe that within the next 10 or 20 years, as society, as culture and lawmakers try to back more away from anything that is sacred and they just kind of become more and more secular and attempt to appease every different kind of lifestyle, polygamy is going to be legal and recognized. I believe that we're going to see that happen. And so having these conversations now, it's important because we need to know what our response should be. And our response is always to love people. Our response is always to be loving first. But I think that we also need to be willing to stand on the truth of what God's designed for sex. And God's design for marriage really, really is. In a world where people are saying they want to marry their animals or they want to marry, you know, it's going to get crazier and crazier. And so we just need to keep pointing back to the truth.

And I hope to, you know, as you listen to this podcast, I know many of you are listening for yourselves, for you and your spouse, and that's awesome. But if you have a friend, you know, we have a whole podcast on friends, on being the right kind of friend. If you have a friend who's even entertaining this. And I do think people come to this conclusion of maybe having an open marriage or becoming swingers or becoming a polygamist or being polyamorous. They come to that decision out of desperation. And I just, I challenge you to really share this podcast with your friend. Pray with them, don't come at them as a judge, but just say, listen, I'm telling you this because I know where this leads. You know, you can look at this in the Bible, but also look at this just in the culture. It doesn't lead anywhere good. There's so much wreckage that comes with this. And as your friend who loves you, loves your spouse, loves God, and is for your marriage, I would hate to see you walk down this road. And I don't judge you for even considering it. But just know I'm praying for you. And I would just challenge you to think twice, because I'm a friend who loves you. So share this podcast with them. Well, now that brings us to our. One of our favorite parts of the podcast, and that's our Q and A. And if you would like to leave us a question, you can do that@nakedmarriagepodcast.com and those are the questions that we actually Say on air on the podcast, and we love answering them. So here is our question for today. It says, hey, guys, my question is kind of complicated. How should couples deal with conflicts surrounding bachelor parties, especially ones with strip clubs, hiring strippers, lots of drinking, etc. We talked about it for weeks prior about boundaries and expectations and conflicts still happened. What's your opinion on them and how can I accept them? It's a great question. Yeah, it's a great one we haven't had before.

Great, great, great question. And for some reason, it's like, you know, even people that, that are, that are Christians and have, you know, pretty healthy ideas about monogamy and having a healthy kind of marriage, like, they'll make these, these weird exceptions where it's like this, this weird hall pass mentality where there can be certain seasons or certain activities or where all those rules are out the window. And, and like, the bachelor party has kind of become one of those where, you know, you're, you want to see strippers and whatever else. I'm just going to be as blunt as possible. Like, there is never, ever an appropriate time to go to a strip club or to have strippers. You know, whether you're single, married, engaged, whatever. It's always wrong. It's always sinful.

It's toxic.

It's toxic. It is a complete misuse of God's view of sex and his sacredness of how he created both his sons and his daughters in his image. It is just so unhealthy in every single way. And to fight for that as a guy, as a young guy, if you want to enter into your marriage in a healthy way and you're fighting for the right to have a bunch of strippers at a bachelor party or go to a bachelor party where all that's going to be going on under the guise of. I'm just trying to be supportive of my friend. Listen, we've got to be in the world and not of it. And there is never, ever a time where that's appropriate. So you've got to not go. And if you're the groom, my goodness, set a higher standard and don't make that what it's about. You're going to go into marriage like breaking the heart and the trust of your young bride, just completely, needlessly, needlessly and recklessly. And so, yeah, that's not even something to try to compromise on. That's just, that's a deal breaker. Like, and I would say if a guy insists on that, don't marry him. Yeah, I'm 100% serious. If he insists on saying, well, you're just being closed minded, I'm going to go and it's nothing, it's just a strip club. Don't marry him. Have him call me and I'll tell him it was my idea and then I'll point him to the Bible. And if that's not enough for him, then you shouldn't have married him in the first place. So, yeah, yeah, I could keep ranting and ranting on this because it's just, it's so senseless to me. But I see it happening all the time.

Well, there's no good that can come from it. I mean, I imagine like if your relationship is like a piece of glass, or even plastic for that matter, it's like just, you know, putting a hammer on it or even if you're just barely touching it, it creates a big crack that's essentially gonna break. And so don't do that. Don't create the crack. This is a choice you have. Like, this is not something that you had no choice in the matter. There's no good that can come from this. This is something that can ultimately maybe kind of bring in things to your relationship that you never really wanted there and maybe open up yourself to having more temptation. I mean, that's really what you're doing. You're opening up yourself to more temptation and really behavior that is not good for a marriage. And so, you know, in her question in the end she said, should I, how can I accept this? I would say you don't accept it. And you say, listen, our relationship, our marriage should be more important than this friendship. And he is not your friend. If he's going to make you feel bad for not going to this. Yeah, that's not a good friend.

That is so true. So what do you do? Like, if this is past tense, like you're not talking about whether you should go or not, but this happened in the past and now you're married and you're sort of dealing with it retroactively, you know, like what, what do you, what do you say to the person in that situation?

Well, I think you gotta level with them and say, it really hurt me. And, and say, you know, and, and secondly, I would ask him, why do you feel the need to go to these, you know, we're married and when we got married, we said, we're forsaking all others. We said, we're devoted to one another. You know, what, what the word says about lust. And this is just asking for it. I mean, it's just asking for it. It's all about lust. The whole point is lust. Right? And so, you know, why. How could you think asking your husband, I would say, you know, how could you think that I would be okay with this? Because you're supposed to have eyes just for me, you know, And I want our sex life, I want our relationship to be pure and beautiful and good. And this is just putting yourself out there to just have so much temptation. And you're not just having eyes for me. And it makes me feel dirty. It makes me look at you in a way I don't want to look at you. So can you tell me, you know, what is it that makes you want to do this? And as you think about that, as he thinks about that, really say, like, you know, clearly there's some thinking that's wrong here. You know, we talked a lot about thoughts earlier. You need to change your mind when it comes to this, because it's not the right way to see women. It's not the right way to see our marriage, and it's certainly not the right way to treat me.

That's so good. And, Min, let me talk to you just real quick for a second. If you want a happy wife, one big key is she needs to know that she does not have to compete with any woman anywhere. Not a woman on a magazine cover, not a woman in a porno movie, not a stripper, not the neighbor running.

Not the neighbor next door neighborhood or whatever.

You have eyes only for her. You have a heart only for her. And you need to reassure her of that constantly. And you need to train your own mind and eyes for that same message as well. That my heart, my eyes, my fantasies, it belongs solely to my wife. Exclusively to my wife. And that's the only way that your marriage can thrive. And so don't try to cheapen your marriage or yourself by bringing all that other stuff into it.

And I just want to say this real quick. It goes both ways. In the same way. Women shouldn't be going to bachelorette parties where men are getting naked in the same way. This isn't just kind of a male thing. It goes both ways. None of us should be putting ourselves out there, just ready to lust and ready to kind of open up our eyes to some really, you know, bad things that would be terrible for our marriage. So it goes both ways. Don't forget that. All right? This was a big episode, you know, I hope you guys got a lot out of it. We've definitely not talked about these things before, but it's very important. None of us are beyond this temptation. We all need boundaries in place. We all need to be prayed up. We all need to go to the source for marriage and for sex. And that is. That is God's word. We need to definitely educate ourselves on that and know that God created marriage. He created sex. And what he created is good. And your marriage can be so, so amazing and thriving just between you and your spouse. You don't need to look outside the marriage. That's not what marriage is meant to be. And so definitely lean into each other. Do it God's way, and I promise you, you will reap all the benefits that he created marriage to be for you.

That is so true. Thank you guys again for listening. Thank you for leaving reviews. We read every one and we appreciate them. And it also is a way to help other people find the podcast. Don't forget to subscribe. And you can also connect with us on social media. We're at Dave and Ashley Willis on Instagram. Or you can just search the word marriage on Facebook and contact us there. We'd be happy to keep the conversation going online. Thanks again for listening, guys.

Bye. Bye.