My Marriage Needs Help

Hello and welcome back to the Naked Marriage Podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we address the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And you guys are in for a real treat. Today we have Sean and Lynette Reed in the studio and you guys know them, We've interviewed them before and we love them. They're a huge part of the exo marriage family. And Dave's going to tell you more about them.

Yes. If you're watching on YouTube, you can clearly see that they've spent a big part of their career as beauty and fitness models. And in addition to that, they are, as I've said before, ministry titans. I'm going to just keep using that. Authors, pastors, podcasters, and they lead our XO Mediator Institute. You've heard us talk a lot about mediation here at xo. It's a life changing aspect of our ministry. These are two of our dearest friends and we're going to have a great conversation today, so let's dive in.

All right, guys, I wish you could have heard us before we started this episode because these are our dear friends and we just always laugh together. We have Sean and Lynette Reed. You guys know them, you all love them. And they're back and we're so excited.

And we just had a very wonderful conversation about the Christmas shoes song.

Sir, I Wanna Buy these Shoes is.

The saddest, most random song.

Exactly.

And I didn't know they made a.

Movie and then they made a Hallmark.

Movie with Rob Lowe, which I will never watch.

Sean's not gonna watch it, but I'm gonn.

Yeah, I'm gonna watch it again.

You're gonna come in, she's gonna be crying. It's so beautiful. You brought the mom of the shoes in.

Are you worshiping about. Yeah, yeah.

People do treat it like a worship song. Raising hands.

Hey, if you like that song, more power to you.

But we could get off the rails quick because we love Sean and Lynette so much. And we get laughing and we. We will get laughing in this episode, but we want to talk about serious stuff too, because in addition to being two of the most fun people we know, they're also ministry titans.

That was the first.

Yeah, there we go. I just came to. That was. It was like, get that on the business card. They are like pastors, leaders, content creators, hosts of Marriage and Transition podcast, and authors of the great book by the same title. They are the youngest looking empty nesters ever. They for real are, you know, because they look 25 and they have. And I don't know how they do it. So I want to talk to them about anti aging secrets.

Yes.

Because Sean's arms keep getting. Getting bigger and his face keeps getting slimmer at the same time. And I'm like, how does that work?

It only eat what tastes good to you, like once a week. And then the rest of the week you basically. Protein shakes. I basically drink.

Drink your calories.

Yeah, I drink them. You know what I'm saying?

And then it's working.

And then there's one day where I just splurge and enjoy life.

Yes.

You know, the other day, my problem.

Is, like, all of my days look like your free day. And that's why I'm squishy. Squishy around the middle.

Hey, I love that you're so fine, you know?

Yeah, just a little squishy.

I've never heard of squishy.

Yeah, it's all right. It sounds more fun than just saying.

Well, I was like, squishy sounds like more engaging. And you like to face.

And you want to cuddle with squishy.

I'm going for chiseled.

Yeah, chiseled. Look, but see, and you are. But if I can't be chiseled, then I want to at least be cuddly.

You do have chisel. You do.

Oh, stop, stop. Well, we could talk to Sean Lind about beauty tips and, and health tips and all because they're experts at all this stuff. And we could really just every day of the year interview them about something that they're good at. But on this particular episode, we're going to focus in on something you've heard us talk about a lot, which is marriage mediation here at exo. And many of you, hundreds of you, have received life changing help from our exomediators. We've shared the link often. Exomarriage.com help or you can find that. But today we want to talk more about what mediators do and specifically how you can become certified to do this kind of ministry right where you are and you can partner with us in that way. And Lynette leads the charge on this. Sean and Lynette are both a huge part of this team in so many ways, and we're just honored to have you here.

Well, we're grateful to be here. Grateful to be here. Mediation is a game changer. And when people first hear the word mediation, they typically think of divorce, because divorce mediations happen when parties are intending to separate. And so what we're doing is reclaiming the term we're saying it's a biblical mandate that mediation brings parties together and helps to reconcile where there's been a disruption within the relationship. And so instead of focusing on separation, we're focusing on marriage restoration. And so this whole process is a game changer. I've sat down with couples who, after they've gone through a mediation session, there's a whole workbook that we walk a couple through eight hours or 16 hours, and by the time they get done with it, they're looking at us and they're like, dude, where was this 20 years ago? And it's something that really equips couples to do marriage God's way. It's really like the ultimate level of both discipleship, great teaching, great equipping, and couples who have been lied to by the enemy about their relationship. The enemy has gained territory within that marriage. And so he's interpreting what's going on. And it's almost like something happens in the marriage, whatever the events are that take place, the constant triggers within the relationship. And it's like the enemy's the hurt whisperer. Right. So he comes in and he's kind of giving a narration of how your spouse doesn't love you anymore, how they don't care how the marriage can't make it, how you're, you're not good enough, you're not worthy enough, or that God has abandoned you. And as we begin to believe those lies, we're giving up more and more ground of the marriage to the enemy. And mediation, there's this process of equipping couples with seeing it from heaven down instead of from the enemy's interpretation of what's going on in the marriage.

Yeah, so we actually got certified about three years ago, and we were sitting during the class, you know, and we were just like, this is absolutely amazing. And it actually changed completely the way that we coached couples because we were stuck in that one hour loop, you know, two hour session type thing, and then have to meet them the next week or, you know, the month after. But when we did this, it was an absolute game changer. And we immediately saw results.

Good, good.

And so now, three years later, being the director over it and empowering and equipping other couples to kind of help lead that charge in coaching couples in this method. It has. We've been able to reach so many couples because we're able to equip other couples to do it.

That's huge. And, you know, we were talking about this before we decided to start recording. There's so many people who, who have, you know, gone through maybe mediation or gone through counseling. And they're kind of on the other side of their struggles and they know what God has done for them. And they, you know, they write us and they say we want to, we want to stand in the gap and we want to make a difference. And I love how the Exo Mediator Institute is a way they can practically do that.

Absolutely.

And I wish you could. Can you explain that more like what people will get, what exactly that entails?

Yeah.

So you have two days of training. You come to South Lake, Texas, the.

Marriage, marriage capital of the world.

But for two days from, you know, usually 9am to 6pm I mean, it is. We are working you. Right. Because mediation is a game changer. It's a mind shift. Much like Sean was saying, when you hear the word mediation, you think divorce. So we're literally changing the perspective of, of what marriage coaching looks like. And so that alone is a good two hours of just shifting from that 45 minute type concept to know you're going to be sitting with a couple for eight hours or 16 hours. And so Sean is actually one of our instructors. And then we have a certified counselor. Brandon White is another instructor. Teresa Thomas, the creator of Exo Mediation, she's there. You guys are some of our instructors. So we have some high quality marriage gurus that you get to meet, that you get to maybe even ask some, you know, great questions and you can just kind of, you know, really get personal. Like when you come to the Mediator Institute for that weekend, our goal is to partner with you in however you want to continue in mediation, whether you bringing it back to your church or even if you're trying to bring it back to like a private practice or your own ministry. Our goal is to walk with you because we really want, we want to touch as many couples as possible. Right. So Sean doved in it a little bit. We're going to teach you how to help couples to get beyond surface level issues and get to why you believe what you're believing, which is just massive.

That's huge.

Yeah. At the end of the day, belief drives behavior.

Yeah.

And so if we really want to see a marriage improve, you can hear great teaching and it's wonderful. We want that because there's seed time, there's going to be harvest, you know, some plants, some water, God gives the increase. But a lot of times couples, though they know the truth of what a marriage should be like, they don't really understand their own personal beliefs that may be hindering them from living out that truth.

Right.

And so they're stuck in cycles of dysfunction. And to be in that precious seat of being able to lead people out of that darkness is so important. And there are a lot of people who are like, yo, I want to help the couples at our church. Or there may be pastors who are listening and you're saying, you know what this is, you know, I need another solution. Because the majority of the couples in our church are struggling and we're having a hard time, you know, giving them solutions to come out. I'm telling you, mediation is that the entire process from how we bring couples into a session would be a game changer for most churches. You know, just understanding how to, how to intake a member of your church or a client or then what do you do afterwards after you meet with those couples? So we walk them through during that two day training. We walked them through that process of all of that. And it's been phenomenal.

Yeah, it's been fun.

And you guys are amazing at it. And it's such, it's, it's the front lines of the ministries of xo. Like, it is where people are getting that real. I mean, I see like a lot of what we do, one of the most important parts, what we do, even on this podcast, is to point people to the help that you could give them because that's where the life change really happens. And, you know, being on staff at a church, every church could benefit from having trained mediators. Most churches don't have any kind of infrastructure to help marriages. And other than them trying to set up an appointment with the pastor and, you know, and he's overwhelmed, he can't do it all and is not trained to do it all.

Right.

And shouldn't have to do it all. But this is a way to come alongside pastors and ministry and saying, let us, let us help raise up your arms, Let us help support you and support the people in this church who are hurting. And every church has hurting marriages. So a lot of people are listening right now, and they are great candidates to be going through the training to become mediators. Others are listening and they're great candidates to go and get the mediation themselves to help. So how would you describe a good candidate for someone who would be a mediator to come and get the training and who's a good candidate for someone to come and get the. The ministry of mediation? Set up an appointment with one of your mediators to help their marriage. What. What does that look like?

Yeah. So the first thing I would say is there isn't a perfect couple in the sense of nowhere in the world, every couple is going to struggle with something. Every couple has their disagreement. So it doesn't matter, you know, if on the. If you're looking to be a mediator, you're like, oh, well, my husband and I just had an argument last night, right? Who didn't? You know what I mean? So it's not that we're looking for the most flawless couple to be a mediator. All right? So I just want to say that from the jump, but really, we do want healthy couples. Right? And so you're able to work through those concerns or those differences that you have. But really, we're also looking for, do you want to help couples? Do you have a heart for marriage? Do you have a heart for families? And then, honestly, are you trainable after that? Come on. I'm taking all. Can you breathe? I'm just like, if you alive, I'll take you.

I love it.

I love it.

And what I say is, honestly, having gone through mediation training and certification, but also, Lynette and I, we practice the principles of mediation. I would say everyone, everyone, if you're married, you should do mediation.

You need a mediation.

Typically, what we think of it's kind of like, do you want preventative care, or do you want it to be when you have an emergency that you have to come in and solve the problem? If we can equip you with how to do marriage, God's way, before you ever hit a really difficult patch within your relationship, then we're strengthening your bond, and you're fortified. By the time the storm comes, by the time the winds blow, your marriage was built on a rock.

Come on.

Y' all know. Y' all see what I did there? You know what I was trying to. You know, I was trying to put that back together again, you know? All right, so the objective would be, I know some people were like, well, we're not at a bad place. We're not in crisis. I'm like, great, come get a mediation.

Yeah, that's the perfect.

You know, come on and experience it. And on the flip side, there may be some people who are. And I know this is going to sound really weird, but there are some people who may be about to get married. You're right there, and you're like, you know what? This stuff sounds pretty good. Get a mediation. And the reason why I would say that is because it gives you the opportunity, and I can't stress it enough to do it. God's way to do marriage, God' way. Like I, I had. We had premarital coaching before we got married by our pastor. We still together, so something, something stuck. You know what I mean? Hindsight, though, we could have used a little bit more. Oh, my gosh. If, if we would have had what we're giving to people in the mediation sessions, it would have saved us a lot of heartache and a lot of pain. But we were really trying to keep it together with just the strength of our will and personality. And what we needed was to be equipped with seeing it God's way. And really, that would be my answer to that question.

That's a great answer. Everybody can benefit from going through mediation 100%. And if God has put on your heart that you want to help marriages, then that's the Holy Spirit saying, hey, come on, you got to take that next step. Get equipped, get trained. And the training, the two days, what you guys do in that two days is just. Is phenomenal. And then the ongoing support, this whole team is just. I brag on our mediators all the time because I think it is just powerful and life changing marriage ministry. And now that you're multiplying the impact of that by training other mediators and sending them out almost like marriage missionaries all over the nation and beyond, it really is. I don't. It just. I love hearing those stories and I love, I love the leadership that the two of you bring to this ministry and the hundreds and hundreds of couples who have been helped already just through mediation here and countless more through the trained mediators that are out there helping people in ways that we can't even quantify. And if you're listening right now and you feel a little tug on your heart either to get mediation for your marriage or to take that step and sign up for training, then don't put that off. Don't hit the snooze button on those kinds of things, because that is most likely the Lord saying, it's time for you to take the next step. And so before we wrap up, tell people the best ways that they can take that next step.

Yeah.

Yeah. So if you're interested in becoming a mediator and we need you, right, because there are millions of couples out there and families that really need your help. And we can only do so much, Right?

Of course.

So if you're interested in becoming a mediator, you can go to xomediator.com all of the information is there. But I also want you to take an extra step. If you scroll all the Way down to the bottom of the page, there is a spot for you to ask us a question and make direct contact with us. And when I say direct contact, it is going to be me answering that email or my project manager, Maria. So it's not going to be a robot. It's going to be us for real. So I definitely want you to go to exomediator.com now if you're interested in getting a mediation like that. Sounds great. I. Me and my husband need some help. Me and my wife need some help. Great. We'll take you to. And you can go to exomarriage.com forward/help and that that link will be there and you can actually fill that form out. And again, one of our mediators will be in contact with you.

So. Good. And we will put those links in the show notes.

Yes, absolutely. And also, just to hear more from these amazing people, Sean, Lynette Reed, tell us.

I really know how to make somebody's head.

Well, it's all true. It's all true. Tell us a little bit. I know some of our listeners already know about this, but can you tell us also how they can keep on hearing from you and your wisdom? Because you guys have a podcast in a book.

Yeah.

So you can get our resources if you would like. You can get our resources at Sean and Lynette.com and for those of y' all who don't know how to spell Sean, it's S E A N. That is the proper way. Proper way.

Proper way.

Original spell Sean.

S E A N A N D L A N E T T E dot com.

There you go.

Okay. Sean and Lynette dot com. And it has all of the details about how you can get in contact with us. Our books are sold on Amazon. Yeah. Our podcast link is there for marriage and transition. We just completed season two. And so for those of y' all who want to go deep with that thing, make sure that y' all go where all podcasts can be downloaded and subscribe to that thing.

You know, I love it.

Thank you guys so much for being here on a busy day.

Thanks for having us.

Yeah, you guys, we're grateful for our friendship with you guys. And seriously, y' all honor us a lot, and we appreciate that. But I want to say, like, I appreciate Yalls genuineness. We've. We've talked to a lot of people who admire you guys, and there have been a lot of people who have come for mediation because they heard about it through Yalls podcasts and their lives when they tell us about how you guys have impacted them through your different episodes. I mean, people have things memorized, different books, and they'll talk to us about it and they'll ask questions about you. And I'm like, what you hear and what you see is who we know behind closed doors. And for me, that means a lot. I love genuine down to earth people, but also people who have integrity. And for me, that goes a long way. Love y', all and I appreciate it.

Thank you.

And I gotta say, I'm very proud of the four of us that we did not divert into other conversations we could have.

Because I wanted to ask if mediation was required, if a couple couldn't agree on the Christmas Shoes song. Like, if that is definitely if one wants to watch the movie and one refuses. Is that. But I'm not going to take it off the rails. We're going to wrap this up because the four of us are going to go grab some chips and salsa together.

That's right.

But, guys, thank you so much for tuning in. We love you. We appreciate you. We'll see you next time.

Bye, guys.

Sat.