No $ for Date Night, No Problem

Hey guys, welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis and on this podcast we undress the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. Quick announcement before we dive in. Our new book, the Naked Marriage, same title is this podcast, the Naked Marriage releases in just a couple weeks from the date that this, that you're listening right now, if you're listening on the day it comes out. And we're so excited about this book. If you pre order it within the next couple weeks, there are some pre order bonuses that you'll get instant access to, including a free ebook download of our previous book, the Naked Truth About Sex. Plus some video conference talks from the XO Marriage Conference. Some of the most popular talks that we've done. So you can find all the information about that at the site nakedmarriagebook.com that's right.

And today on the podcast we're going to be talking about probably one of my very favorite subjects when it comes to marriage and that is date night ideas, but especially date night ideas on a budget. So let's dive in.

I love the topic of today. I love date night. Date night has been one of the biggest, biggest things we've done for our marriage to stay connected over the years. It's just, it's like fuel, fuel for our souls when we make that time to connect. But we get that there are a lot of reasons why people say, but we can't do consistent date night because of this or that. And one of the biggest objections usually comes down to budget. People say we just don't have the budget for that. And so we want to answer your questions directly by removing the barriers and talking about some of our favorite low cost date night ideas. You can implement these, you can do these, save a bunch of money and really connect as a couple. So, sweetie, let's jump in. What are some of your favorite low cost date nights?

Well, first and foremost, I think we need to address kind of the elephant in the room when it comes to date nights. And that's if you have children, there's the babysitting issue. And you know, if you're like us, you may live away from family and so you don't have kind of built in babysitters, you don't have siblings that could watch your kids or parents that can watch your kids. And so whenever we talk about date night, we always get those questions. And so I'm not gonna harp too long on this, but there are some affordable ways to even find babysitting. And I think one idea is that you and another couple kind of provide babysitting for each other. And you kind of swap date nights, so to speak. And so you find friends that you really trust that are good with kids. And great. It's good too, if you already know their kids and there's kind of, you know, a relationship there. And basically you watch them one night and let this couple go on a date, and then they do the same thing for you another night. And so that way it's free. There's no money exchanged here. There's just kind of time and effort.

Brilliant.

Brilliant. And that's a great thing. I also think another thing is wherever you are in the United States, there is usually a gym. It's either a Parks and Recreation type gym or a ymca. And they often have what they refer to as parents night out. Some gyms, if you are a member at the gym, they can be for free. And we used to have this kind of. When we lived in Augusta, Georgia, we.

Lived for those free moments.

We lived for them. And it was money. It was awesome. Even gymnastics places will do them for a minimal fee and they'll give you usually about four to five hours. Our YMCA always did it for about $5 a kid. And with four children, I felt like that was certainly a deal. And they usually feed your kids?

Yeah, they give them pizza and everything.

It's amazing. And so I just encourage you go to the mom sites in your city or look in your neighborhood newspaper, neighborhood website and see what is offered. You know, I think sometimes we just don't do kind of the grunt work that it takes to find babysitting. And it does take work. And I will tell you, seek and you will find. You will find it.

That's right. Jesus said that. You know, that's true.

That's right. It's biblical.

Yeah. And really the verb tense Jesus used is seek and keep on seeking. Knock and keep on knocking. And so don't just look once and give up. You gotta keep seeking sometimes, you know, you've gotta keep looking for those options. You know, scour Facebook for the moms groups and the different things like Ashley talked about. And for the moms nights out, you will find affordable childcare that's quality and that your kids will enjoy. If you're really looking for it, they won't even realize it's childcare. They're just gonna think you're taking them someplace awesome and fun, which it will be, and then you and your spouse can go out. So once you've got the childcare thing down, once you've you know, they're safe, they're safe. They're taken care of. They're eating pizza somewhere, laughing and playing with other kids. But now you're like, all right, well, we don't have much money. What do we do? And so for us, you know, we come back to this a lot. A lot of our best date nights didn't involve a big, fancy, expensive meal or tickets to something that's really expensive. Very often it's just about connecting. It's about talking. Where can we talk? And we have some of our best talks when we're on a drive or when we're on a walk. I mean, a walk or a hike is really some of our favorite date nights because it gets our heart rate going, gets a little exercise, and we connect. And it doesn't cost a thing to get outside in nature or if it's raining outside. Sometimes just walking around the mall, you'll see all kinds of stuff. People watching and walking around the mall.

Walmart.

Walmart's here. Oh, man. Yeah, you will definitely see some stuff.

You will.

People watching at Walmart. We love it. And even if we're just going to the grocery together, at the end of the day, a lot of our dates end up at the grocery store. Like, oh, we gotta get milk. We gotta get this. But when you are intentional about using it as a time to connect anywhere you are, even the cereal aisle at the grocery store can be a romantic spot. And so you have to just think.

You know, I'm laughing right now, because when we were first married, we literally had, like, 2 cents to our name. I was still a student at Georgetown College. If you're a Georgetown college person, go Tigers if you're listening. But we were there, and Dave was working for the college, and we were just barely getting by, financially speaking. But we were in love, and that's all we needed. We were literally living on love, and we wanted to have a date night. So I remember there was this store, it's kind of like Walmart. It's called Meijer. And it was only about 20 minutes from us. And they offered free coffee all the time. And we would literally go to Meijer, and we would go, and I'd be like, you want a coffee? And we literally could not even afford Starbucks. And I would go and get the free little thing coffee. And they even had, like, the cream and the sweetener. And I would feel like I am having a coffee date.

Living it up now. We've upped the game to Costco, where you get free Samples of all different kinds.

And we love the sample days. I'm serious. Like, you have to think that way. You have to think that way when you're on a budget.

If it's free, it's for me.

That's right.

And there's a lot out there that's free or really cheap. Again, if you seek, you will find. If you're really looking for it. If you don't, just go to the default of, well, we've gotta spend all this money. Cause sometimes the best ways to connect are the freeways. You know, when we go and spend a bunch of money on tickets to something, it's a neat experience, but we're not interacting.

No, we're watching something.

We're watching something and then we talk.

About it, which is still fun. I mean, don't get us wrong, that's still spending time together, but it takes a lot more money. And so a lot of times our favorite dates, like Dave said, are finding a beautiful local spot, walking around, and sometimes even, like, bringing our own food. You know, like, we'll go get some Jimmy John's. We are huge Jimmy John fans. And, like, we will get a sub sandwich and we'll take it to wherever we're going. And it's amazing.

It is. And just for the record, none of these people are sponsors of the podcast. Like, we're Jimmy John Dropping.

This is just our favorite.

This is just what we like.

Yes.

Now, if you listened to the last podcast, which if you missed the last episode, please, as soon as you finish this one, go listen to it. Shanti Feldhahn, our friend, social researcher, had amazing insights about the need of men versus the needs of women. The insecurities of men, the insecurities of women. And it is groundbreaking stuff for your marriage. But one thing she said that I just loved. She talked about how we need to keep dating. Don't stop dating after you get married, but you keep dating. And that it really. It can be simpler than we make it. Sometimes we overcomplicate it. Like, wait, we've got to keep dating forever. That just seems so expensive and so complicated. But she just said no. It's really just the simplicity of looking for ways to connect with each other. And that's really what we're talking about. It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to be complicated. You have to be intentional because it won't happen by accident. It won't happen when you're on autopilot. You've gotta put it on the calendar. You've gotta say we're going out Tuesday night. You can't wait for perfect timing. Cause it doesn't exist, especially if you have kids. And there's always something else you could be doing. But when you will prioritize your marriage, everybody wins.

It's so true. And I think too, date night needs to become a regular part of our marriage. I think that's the key. Because so many times, especially when you have children and you have busy jobs and you have all your church activities and all the different things that your kids are involved in, it's so easy to not have time. And I just wanna challenge you. If you're listening right now and you're like, you know, that'd be so nice if we had the time. But, you know, little Johnny and Susie have soccer this many days a week, and then we have gymnastics this many days a week. And then we have all this other stuff that we're involved in. I just wanna challenge you and say if you're too busy for a date night, then you're probably too busy. And something's gotta get off your plate here because you have to invest in your marriage and you have to be intentional. And it's gonna have to come from both of you. Because if you don't make your marriage a priority, then everything and everyone else is gonna come before it. And so I would just challenge you this year. We're at the beginning of a new year. If you're listening to this when it first comes out, if you're not, anytime of year's good for this, but especially when you're trying to start new habits. It's so good to just start fresh and try to start something new. And so make it your mission this year. And any time of the year. If you're getting out of the habit of doing this, make date night a priority. And it really is going to take getting it on the schedule now. For some of you, it's gonna be maybe once a month, and that's great. For some of you, maybe it's, you know, every two weeks, maybe it's every week. Whatever it is, it may look different for every couple. And that's just fine. I just encourage you to have that time together. And I think sometimes too, it's not getting a sitter, it's putting your kids to bed early. It's putting your work away. It's not watching TV by yourself in a room. It's coming together and talking. You know, get one of your all's favorite desserts and bring it home and just have some coffee and talk and have a moment together. I think some of those nights we've done that a lot of times. If we're having a busy week and we can't get a sitter this week. Cause sometimes we have four kids, we have to go, like seven sitters deep, sometimes down our list.

Yeah, it's true.

And sometimes it just doesn't happen. And so what we do is we say, you know what? Let's put the kids to bed a little early. Sure enough, they don't like that. That's okay. We're their parents. We set the rules. And we're like, you're going to bed early?

We only did what they liked.

Yes.

They would just eat ice cream all day and play video games and never go to bed.

Right?

Never go to bed.

So we put them to bed.

You've got to be the parents sometimes and say, you know what? You kids are going to bed today. You don't have to go to sleep. Read a book. And like, what's that? Is it on a screen? No, it's not on a screen. Get an actual book, go up there and read it, and they'll be fine. In fact, they probably need more time like that of just kind of like silent, unstructured time to tone down from their day. But it's really about you and your spouse at this point, even though it is a good thing for your kid. When you say, listen, Mommy and Daddy need our time. I'm telling you, the healthiest couples we've known, the mentor couples who have had great marriages for decades and decades, including Jimmy and Karen Evans, who talk openly about this being a regular part of their rhythm when they were young. Parents of telling the kids, now, look, we've had our time as a family, but now it's mommy and Daddy, Mommy and Daddy time. We're going to go to the bedroom, we're going to watch a movie, pop some popcorn. Who knows what else might happen. But really, it's just about us connecting. And the kids just came to realize this is a normal rhythm. And now their kids have great marriages themselves. You know, Brent, of course, who's president in marriage today, they're continuing those same kind of rhythms in their own families. And so you're giving your kids a gift when you model this. I think sometimes we think I'm neglecting my kid. They're gonna remember me pushing them aside. No, if you give your kids your best when you're with them, but then you're intentional about saying, but my time with my wife, my Husband is so important. And because we want to be our best for you, we've got to make sure we're making time for each other. Those kids will learn those lessons and remember it, and even if they complain at the time, you're giving those kids the security that comes from seeing a mom and dad in love and committed, and you're giving them the gift of wanting to model that in their own marriage someday. And so everybody wins.

It's so true. You know, we don't want our kids, you know, thinking that, oh, mom and dad are parents, but they're not really lovers to one another. They're not really wanting to spend time together. I think there's so many kids that grow up in homes where they don't even think their parents want to spend time together. And we don't want that to be how it is in our home. We want our kids to know that we love spending time with them. But, yes, we definitely love spending time together one on one, too, and I think that's very healthy. And date night is one way that we can continually invest in our marriage and really kind of make our marriage a priority. I think sometimes, too, we think that date nights need to be expensive and grand. And we've talked about this from the beginning of this podcast, that it does need to be that way. I think sometimes we can be, like, really creative. And I was challenged by this several years ago, and I have a blog about this where this couple, and they made it to, like. I think this was in, like, on the Today show or something, where this couple came up with this plan that they would each plan their own date nights for the other, and they would try to outdo each other on the creativity level. And so I think that there was. The wife planned a Star wars themed date night at home for her husband, and everything had Star wars theme. Like, there was, like, lightsabers involved, and the food had to do with Star Wars. And I think she came out in costume as, like, Princess Leia or something. It was crazy.

That's great.

And then the husband planned a Beauty and the Beast night, and down to even having, like, the rose enclosed in glass. And then he made this big meal and he. I mean, it was just. He had music going. He had all the candelabras, like, be our guest and all this stuff. And it was just so fun. And this couple, when they were talking about it in the story, they just had such joy because they were planning this date just to impress their spouse and to have fun together. And they could laugh Together. And it was kind of a big joke between them, but also this really sweet time that they look forward to. And I would encourage you, maybe that's not your thing, but maybe it is. Like, maybe there's. There's just something that, you know, your spouse loves, that you could kind of plan for the date night and really surprise them and just see their eyes light up and connect with them in that special way. And I just encourage you to think that way. Think outside of the box.

Yeah, man. That's so good, guys. Think outside of the box. And my mind's just racing. Like, I, like, lost track because I'm picturing the Beauty and the Beast thing, the Star wars thing, and I'm thinking, man, what creative theme could I come up with? I love that there's, like, a challenge in it. And, yeah, the surprise.

I think it was a surprise.

I think that just bringing surprise and unexpected whimsy into your marriage whenever you can is such a gift. Because when things start getting so predictable and there's gifts in consistency, you know, you need to be consistent, but there also needs to be surprises along the way. And I think that when you can be intentional about creating those surprise moments, those sweet, unexpected moments, man, that's fun, you know, to give a plug for thinking outside the box on date night, like Ashley said, something I would strongly encourage you to consider as a date night or even a date weekend, is coming to one of our XO conference events. Yes. So coming up, the second weekend of February, the weekend right before Valentine's Day, at simulcast spots all over the country, is the big event of the year. You can go to xomarriage.com and if that weekend doesn't work for you, then we actually have a tour. We're probably coming to a city near you sometime this spring or next fall. I know we're coming to California, to Pittsburgh, to several spots in Texas, to Minneapolis. We're hitting Seattle, I think. I mean, we're hitting, like, all the different corners of the US and we would love to see at one of these events. And what's gonna happen at these events is a lot of surprises. Like we've talked about. You're gonna think new thoughts. You're gonna be exposed to new things. You know, we go. We're presenters at it, which we love, but we always learn from the other people who are presenting.

We do. We do.

And I look forward to every single one of these events, and I look forward to meeting you guys, folks that have connected to us through podcasts or through Facebook or Wherever to meet in person and, you know, to give each other a high five and to hear your stories. Man, that is so encouraging to us.

It is. So we really hope to see you there. Make sure you go to xomarriage.com for more information.

All right, so a few more of these kind of free and cheap date night ideas. I think, if you will just make it your mission to be aware of what's happening in your community. Yes, every community has free stuff, cheap stuff. They have free concerts, they have movies, outdoors.

We're obsessed with, like, festivals.

We only moved here, like six months ago. And we have people that have lived here for years and years that, like, will see us posting stuff on Facebook. And they say, you guys just got here and you've been done more and discovered more in this area than we have living here forever. And we say, well, there's all kinds of stuff. You just have to look for it, you know, again, seek and you will find.

Well, I just love going on blogs, like I go to the city blogs that talk about what there is to do in a city. And I also, you know, normally they'll also send you, like, local magazines that kind of have the things that are going on, and I'll keep those and I'll highlight the ones I want to do. And, you know, one of my favorites is, like, going to the farmer's market. I mean, that's a really sweet Saturday morning date. It's so fun. There's usually live music somewhere kind of in the row of people that are selling these amazing goods. And it's not just, you know, produce, which is awesome, but there's also, I mean, there's jewelry you'll find there. There's soaps and just new experiences. I love going there. And there's usually, you know, just some new things that you'll see each time. It's different every time they do it. And that's usually once a month, depending on where you are in the town and depending on the season. But I think you also, you know, look for those free concerts and even if they're not free, they're like a minimal fee. You know, when we lived in Georgia, there was an amphitheater there. It was also near the library. And they would always bring in these different acts that would. That would be maybe for $3 a person, and you'd bring your own food, and it was just really nice. They also had a little movie theater there that I think on certain days of the week, it would be a dollar for the movie and a dollar for the popcorn. And that is like the best kind of cheap date night I've ever heard. Because I mean, movies are so expensive these days.

If you look, there are cheap and discounted movies at theaters. Sometimes the first Saturday, the first showing.

Or even a dollar theater, like theaters out there.

So theaters are showing these older movies now, like inside the main theater, like.

Back to the Future, which is like one of our favorites.

So it's retro and it's cheaper than the regular tickets.

Yeah.

And it's, you know, sometimes it's shopping without actually buying. You know, it's like window shopping.

It's which we love. We love going to a charming part of a town and just window shopping. Like, we live currently in the DFW area and there's a town called Grapevine. And it's just so charming. It's considered the Christmas capital of Texas. I highly recommend you come at Christmas time. It's just beautiful. But even all year round it's got this really charming downtown area where you can walk and window shop and it's just enjoyable. And then you can maybe drop and get a coffee. You can just look around and that's so fun on a beautiful day.

Or go to open houses. Like, you know, we.

We have done that.

We watch HGTV all the time and like House Hunters, House Hunters, House Hunters International, you know, all that. And go to open houses and just get some ideas, decorating and dream. Dream about maybe a place that down the road you might want to go and move or a renovation project you might want to take on in your house someday. And it doesn't cost you anything to go and just look. I think we love going to places like ikea. Ashley, among her many talents, she's actually an interior designer. She had her own interior design business at one point. And I love going with you to these places and just watching you light up around Ikea or Nebraska Furniture Mart or, you know, World Market or, you know, just there's so many places that you. You love to go that it isn't honestly my thing. But I.

So you're a good sport about.

But I go because you like me. And so sometimes you both have to step out of your own comfort zone to say, you know what? This isn't my. Like Ashley's come to sporting events with me and she's come to like really appreciate and enjoy them. You know, we don't do it a ton, but she came from a grew up in a house where they just never did sports. She had her and one sister and.

My dad weren't a sports family.

And so it was all foreign to her. And she started coming with me, just being a good sport, even though it wasn't her thing. And she really has come to enjoy it. Like, we just went to a Dallas Mavericks game, my first professional basketball game.

Yeah.

And she had a ball.

It's so fun. It really is. It's like opened up a whole new world for me. Now that's a more big ticket item, even though we got the cheapest tickets possible. But it's just finding things that you can enjoy together that are new experiences. Because for me, that was a new experience. But for Dave, it was something that he's always loved and I got to share in that with him. And it was so fun.

Like Ashley said, it doesn't have to be expensive. In fact, we kind of have a nightly date night, which is after the kids are asleep. We'll watch. We'll watch a show. We'll either watch something like the Office on Netflix.

It just never gets old.

End our day with laughter because we just love that show. Or watch Bahamas Life on hgtv, where somebody's looking to buy a house in the Bahamas, where it feels like we're on a vacation for 30 minutes and we're just watching it for the scenery and feeling like we're ending the day with this little mini vacation. It doesn't cost us a penny, but you're sitting there on the couch, you know, giving each other a foot rub, looking at some beautiful place or sharing a laugh together, and it's just a great way to end the day.

You know, maybe you enjoy playing games. Like, our boys are gamers. I am not a gamer. In fact, I've had to really come around on.

She's like, offended by. I just do not get anybody playing games.

Like, they are all into Fortnite, especially our older boys. But, you know, maybe you guys are both gamers. And let me tell you, I've seen where you can go to GameStop or you can go to Walmart, any kind of those big box stores that sell games, and you can literally play games that you don't even have to own. And you can play each other like, it's amazing. Our son loves it. But I know adults. I see adults in there every time I go to Gamestop. And like, you guys go for it, go for it and have fun together.

If that's your thing, it's really good. Maybe your thing is to just go and be playful. Like, you know, going to the toy aisle at Walmart and picking up the Nerf guns and just, like, having a little mini battle. I think it really just comes down to thinking outside the box, being playful, being creative.

It made me think about this. There was another idea when it comes to Walmart and slash Goodwill, I'm going to go on a Goodwill thing here. Let me just say I'm obsessed with Goodwill, Salvation army, any thrift store, because you can find amazing things there, but you can also find some funny stuff. And I remember reading an article, or maybe it was a Facebook post about a couple that did this, and maybe they went out with another couple and they had to go and pick out items at Goodwill for their husband or their wife to wear for the date night. And then they wore them the whole date night and they just, like, paraded around. I mean, they didn't even barely spend any money, but they paraded around town and they just had such joy in being ridiculous together. And I know Dave and I, I remember one time we were at Walmart and we were just on a date night and we found this, like, lumberjack toboggan with a beard. And, like, and then I wore it, then he wore it. And then we started, like, putting jackets on and being silly because it's just funny. And you can take pictures and remember and just be goofs together. It's like, stuff like that is just the best.

Yeah. My parents, they've got a great sense of humor. And I know, you know, one time when they were living abroad, they went out and, like, dad made it his mission to, like, speak in a fake language the whole time so that the people would look at them and try to guess where they were from, because it was a place with a lot of internationals and so dad would just make up his own language. But it's just so silly. In that silliness. Great memories are made.

So fun.

Create a scavenger hunt and go together and try to hunt things down.

We've done that. It's really fun. And you can do it with other couples, too. And literally, you can go. Usually scavenger hunts can be within a mall or even in a neighborhood. You just go knock on somebody's door and say, do you have a plastic fork? And then you go back to your car and it's just fun. And you really don't have to spend much money, right?

And you don't have to knock on people's door, because that could.

Well, no, no, no. But I mean, that is part of it. In a safe. I'm talking be safe. Don't be weird. You know, be safe. But you can also do things. Like, I've seen couples, if you want to do kind of a group date night, you can do progressive dinners where they make dinners, different parts of the dinner, in each other's houses. And so, like, you start out with an appetizer at one couple's house, then you guys have fun there, you drive to the next couple's house, and you all have dinner there. You know, you have the main course, and then you drive to the next couple's house and have dessert. And so it's a really fun way to get to know other couples, to have fun with your spouse and really not spend a lot of money to.

Kind of land the plane on this point. Connecting with other couples, it's so important that you and your spouse connect to one another. That's huge. And there needs to be a lot of time with just the two of you. But if you want to enrich your marriage, I think one of the best things you can do is to be intentional about building those relationships with other couples. And so do those date double date nights. Do those, you know, group events, get with other families, get with other couples with children in childcare somewhere? Yeah. And that adult interaction and those friendships that can form out of that can really, really be something that will enrich your relationship.

It's so true that some of our favorite date nights are when we've joined with other couples. So, yeah. So we're gonna go ahead and close this podcast. I hope your minds are just full of different ideas and don't feel like you have to do it all at once. You know, write these down and then just commit to, like, letting this happen. Some of these ideas happen this year. Put it on the calendar. We can't stress that enough. I think things are more likely to happen when you actually write them down. There's something about that, about putting pen to paper and writing it down and just make those date nights happen and make your marriage a priority again. We really hope to see you at one of our XO events. You can find out more information about that at xomarriage. Com.