Oral Sex

Hey, welcome to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we undress the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And we've got a doozy. Today we are going to be talking about oral sex, which is one of the most requested topics. We get so many questions about it. We're going to have a fun and very specific and practical conversation. But first, my lovely bride is going to read a recent review. And thank you, by the way, for all of you who post these nice reviews on itunes and Spotify. Wherever you're listening, we appreciate it.

That's right. So today's review is from Scott Montgomery. He says this is by far the best marriage podcast you can ever imagine. Thank you, Scott. That's so nice. Being a man and listening to several marriage podcasts, I found many. Felt like I had to leave my man card behind when I hit the play button. Not this one. I feel they both cover both roles in a way that's godly and a blessing to all listeners. While my wife reminds me daily that mooning is not flattery to her, and she also listens. That's funny. We are able to listen separately and then talk about the topics in question together, you know, and that's. We hear that from so many people. Thank you, Scott, by the way, for that awesome review. So many couples will listen separately because, you know, they're at work or they're doing their exercise or whatever, driving the kids, going through the pickup line, and then they'll come back together and talk about it. It really is cool. It's a great conversation starter. And so it just. It makes me smile. And the mooning reference is to the. The fact that Dave likes to make me laugh by flashing a butt crack. So, yes. So not everyone finds that funny, but I. It's kind of something I enjoy.

As long as you keep laughing, I'll keep doing it. But, Scott, sorry if I got you in trouble for showing your butt. So, guys, we're going to dive into today's conversation, but before we do, take a quick listen to this important resource.

Every story you love, every invention that moves you, every idea you wished was yours, all began as nothing. Just a blank page with a blinking cursor asking a simple question. What do you see? Great ideas. Start on Mac. Find out more on apple.com Mac all right, guys.

So we are excited about this episode because this is one that we get so many questions about.

So many.

And I just realized just before we decided to record this episode, that we are literally in episode 69.

This is episode number 69.

What a more fitting subject matter than that of oral sex.

I know my inner middle schooler has just been giggling at this all morning, but this is a really serious topic. Like, we get so many messages. In fact, we did a live video on Facebook. If you don't follow the marriage page on Facebook, where Ashley and I do a lot of live videos from our minivan, you should check that out.

Life from the minivan.

Live from the minivan. But we did one recently on oral sex, and it was one of the most highly viewed videos we've done. A lot of engagement and then a lot of follow up questions afterwards. But even in addition to that video, really, since we've been doing this ministry, you guys have written in questions about oral sex. You've written in, is it okay? Like, biblically, is this something that's allowed? Or you've had specific concerns? Like, you know, I really want it, but my spouse doesn't. Maybe they were raised in a very kind of rigid upbringing as. As it related to sex. And they have a very rigid view of what sex should be where they. They're afraid to venture out into these other things because they feel like it's out of bounds. But I really want it. And I believe that biblically, we've got that freedom and I'm dying here, and I'd really like to enjoy this. What do I do then? Or, you know, sometimes it is. Oral sex is all my spouse wants. They can't perform without it, they can't climax without it, and that's all they want. They don't want to have regular intercourse. They just want oral sex. What are your kind of thoughts on that? So there are all kinds of different reasons why people write in. And we're not gonna address every question everyone's ever had about oral sex over the next 20 minutes, but we're gonna do our best to dive in and have an honest conversation. Some of you guys have probably never even heard this podcast. You just saw oral sex in the title and you're like, I don't know what this is about, but I'm gonna check this out. So welcome new listeners. Yes, I hope you guys will listen. Let this be a launch pad into the kind of the whole body of work where we talk about not only sex, but every aspect of marriage as well. But hopefully this will be a fun introduction.

That's right. So when it comes to oral sex and is this like, biblically permissible, that's a big question we get because most of our listeners are Christians. And, you know, and I think that is a good question to ask is like, is this okay in God's eyes, God created sex? You know, for those of you who did not know that, like, maybe you're new believers and you're. And you're like, oh, my gosh, God created sex. Like, I think we forget that in the world that God is the creator, Creator of sex. He created our bodies. He knows how our bodies work. And then he gave us this amazing gift of sex. So I think we need to kind of start there. But that is a good question. Like, is it permissible? Well, if we're gonna, you know, ask that question, we look to the word and, you know, there's not a whole lot that is said directly about oral sex. But in the book of Song of Solomon, one of our favorite books of the Bible, it's basically love poetry between a husband and a wife. There are some references that many biblical scholars believe is a reference to oral sex. Now, it's poetry, so you got to kind of use your imagination here. And in. In Song of Solomon, chapter two, verse three, it says, like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the. The young men in his shade. I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. And there's another verse in chapter four, verse 16. It says, Awake, O north wind, and come wind of the south. Make my garden breathe out fragrance. Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits. So it's very steamy, right?

And most biblical scholars, even looking at the historical and cultural context of the poetry of Song of Solomon, recognize those two passages in particular as a celebration of oral sex in marriage. You know, the first for both the woman and the man performing, and then secondly, the woman receiving.

Right.

And so that's not saying that you have to have oral sex. That's not even. There's even argument, if that's what the reference is to. But what we believe is that it is referring to that, and it is a celebration of just exploration within the marriage bed and enjoying that with one another.

Right.

But when you look at the whole of scripture, there's so much freedom a husband and wife enjoy. I think we look at God like he's down on sex, like he doesn't want you to enjoy it. God is a God who created fun. He created life. He created passion. He created that first couple, Adam and Eve, naked in the garden. They were naked and unashamed, which is why we call this Podcast in our book the Naked Marriage. Because it's physical. It's emotional nakedness where you have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of when you are celebrating that love with one another and having fun together. So give yourselves a little permission to have fun with it.

Right? That's right. You know, I think where this becomes a real issue, and from some of the questions that we've read over the past few months, is when one spouse really likes oral sex, really desires oral sex, but the other one just cannot get it out of their mind and heart that it's not a good thing.

Right?

And I think a lot of this does come from how you're raised. And I've talked very openly about this. I was raised in a home where we didn't really talk about these things. And anytime sex was brought up, it was just like the conversation was shut down. And it was kind of the dirty thing we don't speak of. And I distinctly remember in high school, my sister came home and I'm sorry, Morgan, I'm sharing this story. But she was like, hey, mom, what is a blow job? Okay? She's like, I heard that my friend did this. What is that? I don't know what this means. And my mom trying to be a mom who wants her daughters to be chased. In her mind, I know she did what she thought was best, but she basically was like, that's disgusting. Disgusting. You know, she put her mouth on that boy's penis, and this is a gross thing. And it's just. Don't you ever even think about it? Like, shut, you know, the conversation down. And I just remember listening to that, too. And I. You know, it was just one of those things where there's this negative connotation put on it. And I know as parents, now that we're raising four boys, I get the motive. I get. And it comes from a good place, trying to protect your children. But I think when it comes to that conversation about sexual, you know, we. We have to realize in marriage that we come from different backgrounds and we are products of how we're raised. And so, you know, now that you're married, which is when. You know how God designed sex for a married couple, when it comes to oral sex, it is something that is permissible, that is beautiful, and maybe could be really enjoyable for you. It's a great way to have foreplay. It may even make intercourse more pleasurable for both of you. And so I think a lot of times we have to just kind of ease into it. But I want to talk to the partner who really, you know, you like oral sex, you know, you, you would like more of it. Whatever you do, just don't put pressure on your spouse because especially for women, pressure on us is definitely like a libido killer.

Yes. And so it really like literally pressure when we kind of put surveys out there of your biggest turnoffs. And just to get really kind of very descriptive, one of a woman's like biggest turnoffs in making her feel disrespected is when her husband will literally try to push her down there.

Oh, a huge turnoff.

Yeah, just like huge. Yeah.

And kind of to me it just, it just feels so. That's so wrong. Like just hearing that makes my heart hurt for the person that, that, you know, could be done to. And I'm sure the husband doesn't even think that way, but it just, it just seems very disrespectful.

Right. So we just, we need to be mindful of very much so those, those kinds of things.

Yes.

Sorry to interrupt you, sweetie.

Oh, no, no, no. That was a good point to make.

Well, I'm going to read, kind of switching gears just a little bit. This is a great article. There's a site that I really like called the marriage bed, themarriagebed.com, which is all about sex in marriage. And it's written all from a Christian perspective. I think it's maybe the best sex focused website resources out there for Christians. And they had an article on oral sex written by a woman, her name is Chris Taylor. And, and it was written specifically to those wives who don't, don't get it. Like they, maybe they were raised in that mindset of like, it's, this seems gross to me. I don't want to do it. Why does my husband want this so much?

Right.

What's the big deal? I'm not going to read the whole article, but I thought that the way that she writes this article so beautifully kind of captures why, why men in particular, just coming from a man's perspective, tend to enjoy this so much. And so I just want to read part of this to you. We'll link the whole article in the show notes. The the article is called Oral Blessings by Chris Taylor on the website themarriagebed.com she writes, if you ask your husband how he would like you to sexually bless him, chances are pretty high. Oral sex will be near the top of that list. Why do so many men desire oral sex? Besides the fact that it feels really good, it is solely about the man's pleasure. So it makes him feel well cared for and special. It shows him you accept the core of his manhood in a way he can literally see. A man knows his wife is actively engaged, not just lying back passively. While some women will jump right into this activity with no problem, it is also normal for a woman to feel uncomfortable about the idea of her mouth making contact with her husband's penis. We can know all this intellectually. We can understand it in our hearts. But if we've never attempted it, if we've tried it and had problems, or if it's been a long time since we've done it, it can be hard to know where to begin. Even when your heart wants to bless your husband and honor his request, it isn't likely you're just going to become a Deep Throat diva overnight.

Sorry, they're just really honest.

That one got me.

I mean, we are all about honesty on here, but wow.

Deep Throat Diva. That one got me. Okay, so how can you mentally move from the state of you want me to do what? To a state of I found my new superpower and it is my mouth. How can you get yourself more comfortable with the idea of oral sex and work yourself up to it? I believe in the value of small steps and the importance of remembering slow progress is still progress. With that in mind, I'd like to suggest some steps. And she goes on from there and really gives great feedback on how to begin, what feels really good for a man, how to get over the taste. Like, because some women have, like. It's like a taste issue, whether she's tasting, you know, semen or. I mean, she gets really specific about all this. Okay, so it's a great article. As a guy, I give it two thumbs up. But I just. I appreciate the fact that it's being talked about so openly. I think one of the biggest travesties that have happened within Christianity, within the church, is that we've been silent on things related to sex. I remember vividly. I was. I was a pastor at a church years ago in a church that was coming from kind of a really traditional, I guess you could say background. Some really sweet people in it, but they never talked about real issues like relationships or sex or the things that people were dealing with in the church. And so we did a talk on marriage, and I specifically talked some about sex. Not even in any kind of a graphic way. I mean, not anywhere near graphic as Deep Throat Diva. I did not say Deep Throat diva at any point during the message. I just said the word Sex and how this is a. You know, most men list this as one of their primary needs. And it's a need for both men and women. And that's about all I said about it. And after the service, there was this older lady that was. That just kind of accosted me and she said, we do not say words like that in God's house. And I just kind of politely smiled and nodded. But I thought, have you read the Bible? Like, have you read what's actually in God's word, the God who created sex? But somewhere along the way, we've believed this lie that Satan owns sex and that we shouldn't talk about it. But guys, listen to me. Hear me. If you are married, if you're a follower of Christ, we should be having the best and most fun sex on the planet. Now, I get that pornography and a lot of very sinful, reckless perversions of sex have come in and twisted our ideas of what sex should look like. And maybe some of the hang ups about oral sex are rightly hang ups because it has come from porn fantasies instead of really wanting to connect with your spouse in an intimate way. And that's a whole separate issue. And that's why we talk so much about porn. But you've got to give yourself the freedom to say, we have such freedom with one another in the bedroom and let's, let's enjoy it, you know.

Absolutely. And for some of you, this may be about as candid as we've been, you know, throughout all of these different podcasts. But our whole thing is, you know, we need to be able to, as Christians, we have to have a place to go to ask these questions and to get solid answers. And we shouldn't, you know, as married people, we shouldn't be embarrassed to talk about these kind of things, especially with our spouse. And so it's our hope. Like, if you're listening to this, you know, maybe you're listening to this kind of separate from your spouse. Cause you guys listen on your own. It's our hope and prayer that you come together and you talk through these things and like, say, like, you know, is oral sex something you'd like more of? And, you know, and this again, I know we talked a lot about the man. There's a lot of women that like this too. I mean, and there's lots. If you go to the marriage bed too, that is a good. Like, if you have questions of how to and, you know, things like that, they go into more detail there. And it is a Christian site. So you're gonna get solid information. But I do think what happens, sweetie, is when people don't know and they're curious, they can fall into these rabbit holes of pornography or of these other sites that lead to other things and behaviors they never intended. And so that's why we talk so candidly and we want to talk so openly about oral sex. But the bottom line, it's really about communication. I mean, that's a good sex life starts with good communication where you're not shaming each other, where you're listening, and if you don't understand something or you feel differently about it, you don't automatically just shut down the conversation, but you really try to hear your spouse. And I think, too, there has to be such a high level of respect and patience with each other, because when it comes to sex, too, I mean, it can be very fragile. You know, it's. Our hearts are involved, our bodies are involved. That's why it's such a powerful thing. So if your spouse has come to you and said, like, I'd really like to have more oral sex in our relationship, you know, just really talk through that with them and be patient with each other, both the one who wants it and the one who isn't, you know, quite as. As ready. And. And I think that what you'll find is it might make your sex life much more pleasurable on a physical level. But I do believe these kind of conversations are going to bring you together on an emotional level as well. It's going to really deepen your connection. And so don't be afraid to talk about these things.

You gotta talk about it. And also, don't feel pressure that if this isn't your thing, absolutely, you don't.

Have to have oral sex life.

Right. You don't have to have it at all. Like, there is no mandate that this has to be part of a vibrant, healthy sex life. And so don't feel insecure if it's just not your thing. If you don't like it.

Absolutely.

But if your spouse does like if husbands. If your spouse enjoys receiving it, then be a selfless giver in that way. Ladies, if your husband enjoys receiving it, then be a selfless giver in that way as a way to just bless your spouse. I love that that article was called Oral Blessings. It's just a way to kind of bless your spouse. It's not a substitute for intercourse, and it's not even something that's vital. It's not something that you have to have, but it can be just an Added blessing. It can be an added gift. But again, this is a gift. So don't feel like that we're adding all this pressure on you. Like, you've got to do it and you've got to do it this way or whatever, because you might not like it, it might not be your thing, and that's okay. But if it's not your thing, if it's coming from a place of it's just not your thing because you feel ashamed of it because of maybe false mindsets you were raised with, then maybe in that situation, you could challenge yourself to say, like, well, is that why I don't like it? But we're just saying you don't have to feel any kind of, like, pressure with this. The marriage bed needs to be the safest place on earth for both you and your spouse. It is a safe and sacred place. And if you're not feeling safe there, if you're feeling apprehensive because you've got to do things or you want to, you're feeling pressure to do things you really don't want to do, then that's not good. I mean, the marriage bed has to be safe.

Absolutely. And I want to say this, too. You know, we sometimes get questions about, you know, intercourse is really painful right now. Like, one of us had surgery. It's not really something we can do right now for a time, and so we're just not going to have sex. I want to say that oral sex is. Is one way to meet each other's sexual needs in those kind of scenarios. Again, it doesn't replace intercourse because intercourse is kind of that full experience of sex of two coming together as one. But oral sex is something that can help keep your sex life going. If you are having those moments where you just had a baby and you have to wait six weeks to have intercourse, or maybe you did have that surgery and you just can't quite, you know, have intercourse yet. Or maybe you're getting older and hormones have changed. And I know we hear a lot from women where, for whatever reason, their hormonal changes have made sex really painful. You know, oral sex is something that might not be as painful, and it might still give you both pleasure and keep you sexually connected.

That's so good. And when you make it a priority to just meet each other's needs, whatever those needs are, it really does go such a long way to keep that marriage bond strong. And so instead of just saying, like, well, we can't have intercourse right now, so we have no sex life right What I actually said is, like, look for other ways to connect sexually. And when you're constantly looking for solutions instead of excuses, things are going to happen. Before we get to, you know, to today's question in just a bit, I want to address one other aspect of oral sex that I guess is kind of a question in itself. There are those who've written us and said, you know, I can only orgasm through oral sex, or my spouse seems like they can only orgasm through oral sex. Should we just keep doing it that way, or do we need to work toward trying to be able to orgasm through regular intercourse? And so, sweetie, what are some of your initial thoughts on this fairly common issue? Because it's one we've heard of from multiple people.

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Hey, welcome into Walgreens.

Hi there. Hey.

All right, hon. I'll grab the gift wrap cards and, oh, those stuffed animals the girls want.

Great. And I'll grab the string lights and some. How about I grab some cough drops? This is not just a quick trip to Walgreens.

I'm fine, honey.

Well, just in case. You know what they say, Tis the season. This is help staying healthy through the holidays. Walgreens.

I think it really comes down to stimulation, because oral sex can be a very pointed stimulation. And I think what it boils down to is maybe you start with oral sex and you just give it more time to have foreplay and then go to intercourse. Because I don't know the exact situations of these people writing, but sometimes I think that what they're really saying is I get to orgasm faster. And faster doesn't always mean better because you're just kind of, again, just trying to get the orgasm, get it over with, and then you're missing out on the whole connection part of sex.

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's good. That's. That's good, too. So sometimes. Sometimes it's gotta be a crock pot, not a microwave.

I mean, it depends on the situation. You know, sometimes you just gotta do a quickie. But if that becomes the norm all the time, then we're really not connecting, man.

I think that's. I think that's A good word. But if you're constantly asking your spouse what feels good to them, I think sometimes the focused attention on the pleasure centers during oral sex can kind of help bring someone to orgasm faster. But if that's all you're doing, sometimes you're missing out on that longer approach that can bring you to orgasm through regular intercourse. And you can do both.

And I just want to say this, too, and we can do an entire episode on this, but when it comes to stimulation, sometimes you just need to change the position. So if in oral sex, if you get a lot out of oral sex, maybe you need to try some different positions that stimulate that area.

Yeah, that's good. You gotta ask each other what feels good, and you gotta do more of that. And so, again, communication. That's what we keep coming back to. Exactly. Great sex, great marriage.

Honest in a loving way.

Yeah. Say, you know, that feels really good or that doesn't feel good, what you're doing right now, that doesn't feel right. And so you gotta be honest with each other. And. Yeah, that's a good place to start. All right, so I think we're both blushing now. You know, I'm never gonna get talking about oral sex Deep throat Diva, out of my mind.

Oh, my gosh. I know. Wow. Yeah.

So that's our next book title, I think.

Oh, my gosh. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm so sorry, Mom. Mom, if you're listening, I am so sorry, family. The thought of you listening to this makes me want to blush a lot more. All right, we're going to move on to today's question. Yes, sweetie, would you like to read? You have such a lovely reading voice.

I love your reading voice. All right, so we love our Q and A time in the podcast. And if you have a question. I know we keep on referring to questions that we're getting. We get questions in email. We get questions through Facebook. But the end of every podcast comes specifically from nakedmarriagepodcast.com where you can write there. It's anonymous, and we will read your question. And we read it just as is. So here we go. Here's our question today. It says, hey, Dave and Ashley, I'm fairly. I'm a fairly newlywed of two years. We're young, 22, and 21. My wife and I have our arguments, but we are pretty compatible in almost every area except sex. My wife doesn't like to talk about sex, let alone have sex. We have sex about two or three times a month. My wife grew up in a Very conservative, quote, sex is bad quote type of childhood. And I did not. We are our very first and only sexual partner, so I know we have lots of growing to do, but when it comes to sex, she views it as a chore and neglects it. Because of this. Pornography has been prevalent in our young marriage. But I'm getting help and turning a corner on that. My question is, am I wrong for wanting more out of my wife? And two, if I am not, how do I get. How do I go about it while still respecting her and pushing her beyond what she desires? You know, I just so appreciate this question. And we can relate. Like, we were 20 and 22 when we got married. On a level.

On a lot of levels.

On a lot of levels. I totally get this. Yeah.

Because I had a pornography problem that had nothing to do with Ashley. Like, I don't ever blame a wife or a husband's pornography problem. I had it from early on, before we were even married. And it was an on again, off again struggle. That just was a sin that took root in my mind and heart. And we've talked a ton about porn and the dangers of it, damages of it. And so I won't belabor that point now. But I encourage you to go back and listen to some of those episodes where we talk about it. Xxx struggles is. Is one episode topic in particular where we dive in deep on that. But get away from porn for you, first and foremost, get away from porn. And it sounds like you're already on that path. So detox from that, get away from that, and put safeguards and accountability measures in place to do it. And I encourage you to try to be patient with your wife. I think, Ashley, I'll let you just speak to this because I think you can relate. You had that upbringing in a lot of ways. Again, you mentioned it earlier in this episode, not only with the oral sex, but on sex as a broader scale, both in kind of the youth group culture you were in and the home culture you were in. Sex was always just talked about as almost this dirty thing. And then it was hard for you to flip a switch and say, okay, now I can just be this, this sexual diva, so to speak, and have all kinds of fun with it and be a freaky free, you know, person. And it was a culture shock for you to, like, move into that.

It was.

And it took patience on both of our parts. And we were around the same age.

Exactly. I totally get where you're coming from, just in being, you know, being each other's only Sexual partner waiting. And I think that's awesome. And so, like, you've waited and you're giving yourselves to one another, and then all of a sudden you're like, okay, this isn't what I expected when the.

Guys waited, thinking it's going to be just like a free for all 24 7. The moment he gets married. Like, that's what was helping him wait is like, oh, it's just going to be paradise every hour on the hour once we're married. And then she's not feeling it at all. And so it can create some resentment. And it can create. It can create a lot of. A lot of feelings on both sides.

It can. I want to say this, and I hope you listen to this with your wife, because. And you talk about her in such a sweet way. I mean, I can tell that you just want to be respectful and kind and loving to her. And that's awesome because that's definitely how we always need to be in marriage to one another, especially when it comes to sex. But, you know, definitely continue to be patient with her. But I want to say this to the wife maybe, who is just sees it as a chore, you know, always has seen kind of sex is bad and is having a hard time flipping the switch. What you'll find is the more that you will engage in sex, the more you will want sex. And that's just. There's some kind of science behind that. The more you do it, the more you want it. And so I think when you go these very long periods without doing it, and it's like out of sight, out of mind, and you just don't have the desire. And so I would encourage you put it on the calendar, like, and start slowly. Like, maybe you start having it, you know, once every two weeks, then once a week, and you just. And there's no perfect number. And we've talked about that. People ask us all the time, like, how many times a week should we be doing it or how many times a month, whatever. It varies. Couple to couple.

It varies. But I think the goal should be as much as the spouse with the higher drive wants to.

Right. Without being, like, abusive or, like, intrusive or putting lots of pressure. But absolutely. And that. And we didn't come up with that. There's an old book called His Needs, Her Needs. And there's been a lot of studies on this. And just, you know, it's good if you can aim for that for the one who has the higher sexual desire. And what you'll find, though, Dave has always had the higher sexual desire in our relationship. But what I found is the more regular we are with our sex life, the more I want it. And so it becomes something that I do desire. But there's this switch kind of that I had to flip gradually. Okay. It was not overnight for me. I had to start seeing sex as a gift. And it was really something where when I would catch my mind seeing it as a chore, I really had to just, you know, intentionally see it as a blessing. I had to, in my mind, we have such power in our thoughts. When I would have that thought creep in, I would literally, in my mind, be like, no, it's a blessing. This is a blessing. I love my husband. I want sex to be good in our relationship, and this is a blessing. And, you know, if you went to a counselor and talked about this, your counselor would tell you this. They would say, you have to take those thoughts captive. That's biblical, but it's also a practical way to change your mind. And you have the power to change your mind. Now, it takes a little time to do this, but it will happen. And I do think part of it, it's twofold. You have to change those thoughts. But secondly, you have to be having sex more often. Now, this doesn't mean, husband, that you have the ability to go and be like, Damon Ashley said, we need to start having sex more often. And so you need to do this for me, it's not like that. Because a huge turnoff for a woman is a husband who's trying to force her, you know, to have sex and to be, like, uncaring towards her. That's a huge turnoff. So you have to do it in a caring way and say, listen, I wanna share this experience with you. This is a blessing from the Lord. And, you know, I just. I love you so much. I saved myself for you, and I want to experience this with you. And if we could just do it more, you know, I'm not even gonna put a number on it, but maybe we could put it on the calendar so you don't feel like you're pressuring her that way. You know, you're looking forward to it. She can get her mind and heart ready for it. And over time, you'll find that it won't feel like a chore to her. And also, you won't be asking as much.

Yeah, that's good. But don't turn to porn again in that process, because that'll put you down.

Absolutely.

Put you down a dark path. All right, so foreplay lasts all day. Start doing sweet things all day for her.

That's huge. Even little flirtatious text and just like, I can't wait to see you later. Doing little sweets, you know, sweet acts. It's just those little acts of love, showing her that you're thinking of her. Those go a long way. You know those things you did when you were dating where you're just like, I'm thinking about you and it looks different for every couple. But you know what really makes her feel loved? Those will go a long way.

Yeah, man, that's good advice. Keep listening to these podcasts together. Yeah. Yeah, maybe that'd be some good foreplay too.

Yes.

We're gonna cut this out because the way Ashley's looking at me right now, I think all this talk about sex, she's wanting to just jump on me right now. She is undressing me in her mind.

Our lovely friends in here recording with us with like one of vomit in their mouth right now.

But wonderful producer Brittany and audio engineer Chris are like, please don't undress, guys. Please do not do it. And we won't. For their sake, we won't. But guys, thank you so much for listening to this podcast. Episode 69.

69. I mean, I am so. I'm such a boy mom. Because when we talked about it, I laughed. That was my first reaction.

You. You are naughty. All right, so I think we have to land the plane now. But listen, guys, thank you for listening. Subscribe to this review Let us know what you think, especially if it's going to be a five star review. If it's yes, it's a one star review. Maybe just send a private email, but.

Let people know about it. Like when you review it and tell us how it's helping you, it keeps us going, but it also lets other people know about it.

It does. And so together we're getting the word out there and, and helping to make an impact. So thank you, guys. You can follow us at Dave and Ashley Willis on Instagram Marriage Today or the marriage page on Facebook and you can check out ExoMarriage for the tour stops and keep on listening.

That's right. We hope to see you at one of our tour stops and we will also see you next time.