Overcoming Body Insecurity In Marriage // Hump Day Q&A

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You know what time it is, sweetie? It's Hump day Q and A time. Hump Day Q and A. Hump Day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump Day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in. All right, well, welcome back, Rachel. As you guys know, Rachel is a great friend of exomarriage and the whole podcast and we're just so glad to have her back, specifically talking about body image issues, especially as it relates to marriage. And so, as you know from a previous Naked Marriage podcast episode, Rachel recently wrote a book called Image Restored. And she writes not only from a personal perspective, but also from a clinical and professional perspective. And so, Rachel, I'm so excited to have you here today.

Ashley, thanks for having me back. This is always super fun to be here with you.

I love it. And today we're going to talk about on our Hump day Q and A, we're going to talk about this question, which is so important and it's what do you say to wives when whose husbands are very complimentary of their body? You know, they've never said really anything derogatory and they act like they desire their wife, but the wife never really feels like she can receive it because of her own insecurity. What would you say?

I love this question because it's one that I have lived both personally and professionally. And I can remember a time just in the very early years of our marriage and actually I was pregnant with our first child and I remember my husband saying to me, wow, you look so beautiful. And I actually got mad at him, which is weird. I know. And please anybody listening understand that in that season I was actually going through an eating disorder and didn't realize that at the time, but I just got mad. Like, not only did I not receive it, I almost got mad at him. And let me just tell you, I have counseled multiple women who have that same story. They're like, my husband's actually really supportive, and he's always telling me I'm beautiful, and they don't receive it. And so the biggest thing that I see with this is that, first of all, oftentimes there's a root of not being able to receive love, period, Even just from God, even I know that was my own personal story. And again, in counseling, I see that. And the root of that a lot of times is rejection. And so dealing with some of that rejection, dealing with some of those negative core beliefs that are shaping how we view ourselves so that we can open up and receive love, obviously, first and foremost from God and then also from our husband.

Such a good word. You know, I would add to that that I think sometimes, and you can speak to this, too, in your. In your practice with, you know, ministering and counseling so many women, but do you think sometimes it kind of goes back to how we were raised? Like, I remember having a conversation with a dear friend of mine, and she said that, you know, and she's been thin, like, her whole life. Okay, she's always been into fitness, and even through her pregnancies, like, really maintained a healthy weight and everything. But she said that she destroyed every picture of herself pregnant because she didn't even like to look at it because it was her with more weight on her, even though it was pregnancy weight. And then she said her whole, like, married life, her husband was always really positive about her body. But her mother, she could hear her mother's voice in her head saying that she was either too big or too skinny. And she said, you know, her whole, like, childhood and her adult life, her mother, who's a lovely lady, would just constantly, you know, at one point or another, she would comment on how beautiful she looked, but then she would say, you're looking a little big or you're looking a little skinny. And I hear this being a story for a lot of mothers and daughters, and I think, you know, where it comes from a lot of times for the mothers is they do want their daughters to be healthy. They want them to have a healthy weight. And I think that in this particular circumstance, she had a sweet mom who didn't realize how much her words were hurting and kind of shaping how she looked at her own body. But I think that as mothers ourselves, especially if you're raising daughters, and even sons. You know, I have four sons, and I know you have at least one daughter, right, Rachel? Two daughters, yes. But it's so important to really think about as parents, those words, because we do, even into our adult life, we sometimes that's how we look at our body. Is that voice in our head maybe from one of our parents? Do you see that, Rachel?

Oh, Ashley, absolutely. And you're literally defining a core belief that shaped from a very young age. And I know I can personally again speak to that. I actually had a family member tell me once I was in middle school, and she said, rachel, if you don't want your husband, whenever you get married one day, to leave you, you need to keep your weight off. Right? And I mean, extremely toxic. So wrong in so many ways. But that was a core belief that shaped me. And so I entered into marriage again. Was that at the forefront of my brain?

No.

But those core beliefs, they drive us without us realizing. They're driving us until we stop and go, okay, we're. Why am I. What is this thing? And we give that space, like we're doing today, for people to go, what have I believed? Who has spoken into my life that those were idle words and I need to release those. Those are not serving me. They're not serving my marriage. They're definitely not serving my body image. And so for me, that was one of the words I had to release and go, that's not true. My husband's love for me doesn't rise and fall. He's not leaving me because I gain weight. And that was honestly what was happening to me when I first got pregnant was I was like, oh, my goodness, he's gonna leave. Like, I was sure he's leaving me. There's no way he's sticking around for this, because I was being driven by that. So, yeah, absolutely. What you're speaking to is so true that we are just. We've been spoken into, sometimes family members, sometimes it's friends, whatever, all kinds of places that have told us your worth is in this thing. And if you don't have this thing, you're nothing. And that's. That's what it boils down to.

It's so true. It's so good. I want to continue this conversation in another episode, but thank you so much for sharing that. And, guys, if you're listening, husbands or wives, if you're listening to this, husbands, make sure your wife is listening to this, because I do think that more wives deal with this. But if you have any kind of body insecurity do what Rachel's saying, like, really, you know, pray about this and say, lord, can you reveal to me any core beliefs that are false and that are not serving me well? And then once you realize what those beliefs are, really work on allowing God to renew your mind and remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and that it's toxic to, like she said, let the sun rise and fall with kind of how your body is changing. Because the truth is our bodies are changing all the time. Whether we're pregnant or not. There's always different things going on. And so we need to make sure that we believe what God has to say about our bodies. And he says that they are beautifully made. So, guys, thank you so much for listening and watching. And Rachel, thank you so much for joining us.

Thanks, Ashley.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.