Sex is Ruining Our Relationship // Hump Day Q&A

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You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day. Q and A time. Hump day, Q and A. Hump day, Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday, we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in.

Here's the question today. Hey, Dave and Ashley. My husband and I have been married for six months now, and it's been rough to say the least. So my question is, what do you do when the introduction of sex in a new marriage seemingly destroys your bond with one another? To put it short, I have almost completely lost interest in him, and I believe it was sparked by our intimacy issues. Severe premature ejaculation in parentheses. We have never truly been intimate. We haven't even tried since a month into our marriage. This is all a total shock to my system as we were so in love and attracted to one another before the marriage. But ever since sex became a part of the equation, it has seemed to ruin everything. We fight constantly. We're annoyed with each other. I'm thinking about other men. I'm trying to follow all this advice from all these places, but it's just so dang hard. I love you guys. Please keep putting out this great content. Wow. Well, thank you for that question. Thank you for your honesty. You know, premature. This, this seems like premature ejaculation is kind of at the core of the frustration. And so I, you know, I'm not getting the husband's perspective on this, but just kind of trying to read between the lines. He's probably frustrated because, you know, if he's already premature ejaculating, he's. He's already got a lot of drive and wanting her a lot. And now that's been cut off completely because in her mind it's like, well, if you're not going to, you know, finish the job, you know, so to speak, for, for me, if it's only going to be about you, then, you know, I don't want to do it. And so now he's resentful because he's like, well, I'm just being starved to death. And he's probably, you know, just, you know, masturbating, doing things on his own. She's fantasizing, doing things on her own. And this marriage is headed for a crash if things continue the way that they are. So I would say you've got to get back together in the bedroom, and you got to work through this together. You can't punish each other. You can't pull away from each other. You can't try to deal with things on your own through fantasy, through masturbation, through whatever that's keeping you apart. And specifically for the premature ejaculation, there are things to help that. I mean, there are like a desensitizing gel that a guy can use that will kind of slow down the process and give him a little bit more control. You know, sometimes condoms might. Having sex with a condom can. Can take away some sense, some sensation, and can prolong it for everybody. So, you know, I would spend a lot of time on foreplay with each other to kind of help get her closer to that point of climax before the intercourse even begins. But you've got to work through this together. And right now, the resentment and the kind of just dealing with it separately, it's destroying the whole marriage, not just the sex life. And so you've got to make it a priority. And by writing in, I think you do want to make it a priority.

Oh, absolutely. And I just want to say, you know, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You know, this is something that can be so frustrating because, like. Like she said, they're so in love, and. But this one issue has just messed with them. And I just want to encourage you, too. If one of the spouses does reach climact before the other, I would tell the spouse, you know, you know, who already climax to do whatever they can to make sure their spouse climaxes. You know, I do think, you know, some people have trouble with that. They don't really maybe know their bodies quite yet, like, what gets them there. But I would say do whatever you can to show that you want them to have that experience. Cause I think this wife, in this particular question, feels like he doesn't care that he, you know, has his sensation. And then he's like, I'm done. But, you know, there's. Like Dave said, there's things we can do. And I think the bottom line is wanting to get help, you know, do what you can so that sex is not only good for you because it's not just, you know, meeting your own needs. You want to meet your spouse's needs. You know, this is the one person in your life that can fulfill your sexual needs and that you can fulfill their needs. So don't cut them off. You know, do what you can to get the help that you need. If it's condoms, if it's the desensitizing gel or just extra foreplay, do whatever you can to show your wife that you want her to have a climax as well. And I think if that husband can do that, then it's gonna help things. Now, as far as this wife, she's the one who wrote in. She's gonna be the one who's probably listening to this answer. I think if you come to your husband and say, listen, I can tell that we're growing apart. And I've been angry. I've been really angry, and I'm so sorry I've been angry, but I just want this to work so bad for us. And, you know, I've been listening to this podcast and there's things we can do, and I just want you to know I wanna work together in this with you so that we can have an awesome sex life together. I think if you approach it that way, he's not gonna feel defensive, and I think that you guys will be on the road to healing. Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram at Dave and Ashley Willis, and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A. Sam.