Should We Move For a Job? // Hump Day Q&A

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You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's Hump Day Q and A time.

Hump Day Q and A. Hump Day Q and A. Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump Day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram. Aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in. Hey friends, welcome back to Hump Day Q and A. Dave and Ashley here, We got a great question for you today, and it is this. You know, my husband and I have a job opportunity that would require us to move. We'd never really considered moving away from this area. But how do we know when and if we should move? Great question. It's one that we faced multiple times in our 23 plus years of marriage. And it's a huge decision. It's one of the most consequential decisions you will make is where you're going to move and live and put down roots. And even if you think a move could be temporary, you have to go in considering that this might be much more permanent than we're realizing. So, sweetie, what are, what are some of your thoughts, man?

I think first of all, you have to kind of look at your family situation. I think, you know, I'm of the firm belief that God is never going to call you to a big move if it's at the detriment of your family. And this doesn't mean that there's not sacrifice. It doesn't mean there's not discomfort. I'm not talking about just being uncomfortable because I do think God calls us often to Uncomfortable situations to grow us into and maybe even bring us into situations that are way better for us than we ever would have imagined. But I don't think he's going to do it to the detriment of our marriage and kids. So I would, I would ask that question, like, is this move worth some of the discomfort and the transitions that we're going to have to face? And if, you know, in any way, are there detriments to our children, potential know, detriments and pulling them from, from the place where they're living. And the answer might be, well, yeah, there's some things to consider here. You know, our kid is really involved at school, really established with friends and is really thriving. This would be very hard on them. You know, we've been here X number of years and I feel like they would feel misplaced or maybe you have certain aspects to your child's, you know, treatments or you know, doctors that are really specialized in something your child needs or maybe in education. There's certain resources at that school that they wouldn't necessarily get in the other place. I mean, these are real things you have to consider. I would also say too, think about the people in your community, who you're around. If you feel like you're, you've really got this thriving community where everyone is really flourishing, you know, to give that up, you would really need to pray through that and say, like, could this be, you know, will this be more beneficial or would this be kind of to the detriment of our family? And again, don't, don't, you know, go at this through a fearful lens because it's not really about fear, but it's about being just really prepared and really just kind of looking at it through a critical eye and saying like, is this really where God is calling us? Is this really worth it? Because there's always a lot of discomfort, a lot of sacrifice, a lot of adjusting with any move, even if it's across town. But it's just something to really to think about because, because everyone in the family is going to be affected.

Yeah, they really are. And so don't make these decisions willy nilly, as they say. But also don't let fear hold you back. Yeah, I think sometimes people will, they'll limit, they'll limit God. They'll say, God, I'll do whatever you want as long as it's right here, as long as it's. I never have to leave my hometown, as long as it's within, you know, three square miles of where I live right now and we really limit what God might want to do in our lives and our families. And it might not be permanent to move away, but that move might be good. I know our first big move, you know, we had, we had one little one that was less than two years old and we were pregnant with number two. And close to the end of that pregnancy, it was a really difficult time to make a move away from our hometown and all we knew and loved. But we moved from Kentucky to Augusta, Georgia, which is where, you know, where we live now. We've moved away from here several times and come back. But that move, which was, gosh, almost 18 years ago, it was one of the most positive, life changing things imaginable. And we didn't even realize at the time.

No, but we had such peace in it.

There was such peace. I think it helped us to leave and cleave, as the Bible says, we where you sometimes to really form a real bond as your own family, as husband and wife, you have to establish some space for yourselves. You know, some people can do this right in their own hometown. But when I think about the couples that we know and love and really respect the most that seem to have the most thriving marriage themselves, most of them, most of them have moved away at some point. At some point. And they've had, they've established their own marriage apart from their families of origin in a different geographical space. And I think that there's something healthy to that.

But still very much close to their families.

Yeah, yeah, you can still be close to your family, still prioritize that time. But it was, it was really good for us. You know, we, we, you know, we made another move. Like three years later, we went to Florida for a ministry opportunity. It turned out to not be the right fit. We still have some good friends from that. I mean, we still have learning experiences that happened there. But we ultimately decided that Augusta was where our family needed to be. We came back. We're here seven more years. Then as we connected with xo, our ministry, which is based in the Dallas Fort Worth area of Texas, we moved there, were there for several years, and love the team. So thankful to be part of this ministry. But our kids just so desperately miss their hometown because by that point, I mean, Augusta, Georgia was their hometown. And so we worked it out with the team to move back and to just do our work remotely and travel to Dallas when necessary. But each one of those moves were major decisions. A lot of prayer, a lot of conversation, and I'm thankful, I'm thankful for how God's, you know, worked through each one, but it's. Each one has also been super stressful. Honestly, it takes after a move, it takes, I would say about a full year to really feel at ease and in a routine. And you just have to know that going in, that even in the best of situations, it's going to take time for, for you to feel steady.

It does. And just remember too that God doesn't want one of you feeling peace about it and one of you not. I think that he's going to bring you both to that place. So if one of you doesn't have peace, I would say don't move yet. Like, the answer is not yet. It's not a, it's not an all out. No. But I would wait till your spouse feels like they're on the same page because if not, it's going to be a huge, like anytime there's a hardship, it's going to put a huge wedge between you and there will be hardship. It will be hard, you know, making new friends even just like learning the lay of the land and getting your routine down, establishing the kids in new schools, finding a new church, like, all those things are really big decisions. I mean, they really are. And with each of them stacked on the other, it, it can feel overwhelming. So if you go into this where only one of you is excited about this move and feels called this move, you're. You're really out of sync and it causes so much marital strife, it's unnecessary. So I would say if, if you're like, yeah, Dave and Ashley, I get all this and I'm really excited about this move, but my husband or wife is just really not. Then it's not yet. The answer is not yet.

Not yet.

And you just need to continue to trust that God's going to lead you guys both to the same decision.

Yeah, that is such an. Whether moving or any of big delight.

Exactly. Yeah.

Don't rush it until both of you have peace. So that's a good word. Guys. Hey, we're praying for you, cheering you on. God's going to make it clear he's going to lead you through this. I hope this conversation has been an encouragement to you as you talk and pray through this big life decision. Thanks so much for trusting us to be part of that journey with you. God bless. We'll see you next time.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day. Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com, you can submit your question right there, or you can follow us on Instagram avanashleywillis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So we'll catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.