Stoking Old Flames // Hump Day Q&A

Foreign. You know what time it is, sweetie?

It's hump day. Q and A time.

Hump day.

Q and A. Hump day, Q and A.

Welcome to the Naked Marriage Podcast. Hump day Q and A. We love answering your questions. So every Wednesday we're dropping a special podcast episode focused on one of your questions. You can submit your own marriage related question online@nakedmarriagepodcast.com or by sending us a message on Instagram aveandashleywillis. We've got a great question today, so let's dive in. Thanks for all the questions you guys Send in@nakedmarriagepodcast.com Today's question says, I'm in desperate need of help. I'm getting married at the beginning of 2022, and my fiance is constantly searching old girlfriends and other girls, you know, who from the past on social media. I don't understand why. How do I approach this? Is it something that should be tolerated or dismissed?

I want to answer this very pointedly. Can I? Go ahead.

Yes, you can.

I'm sorry, I'm like jumping in the.

Book on your face.

I'm your girlfriend in your corner. Like, do not marry this guy until this is taken care of. Do not marry him. Like, take it off your calendar until this is handled. Because odds are until he completely repents of this and he is completely aware of the depravity of this kind of behavior, then he's not going to change. And old habits die hard. And I'm not saying he's a lost cause, because I do believe that we can be new creations in Christ, because that's what the Bible tells us. And I've seen it in my own life, in the lives of others. But don't. Do not move towards marriage until he not only recognizes that this is wrong, but I even think he needs to be in a time of sobriety, so to speak. I mean, I don't know if that's the right word here, but maybe off, you know, sobriety from just staying away from being able to even contact these old girlfriends and other girls he knows. I mean, this is just completely cannot be tolerated. Definitely don't dismiss it. You're such a sweet soul. Even you know, I can tell, like, her heart she loves this man. But how heartbreaking is this that he's engaged to you and still doing this and so you cannot stand for it. And it's very important that he gets help. And I don't know what the motivation is behind this. Maybe it's flirtation, but odds are I Mean, there could be. You know, a lot of times when people are looking up old flames and other girls, there's could be like a sexual component to this. I mean, most of the time there is. You know, I don't know that in this dynamic for sure, but that's definitely where it leads. And so I would. I would really talk to him openly and honestly about this and saying you can't stand for it and you don't feel good getting married until he gets help for this.

Yeah. And I'm so sorry you've been put in this heartbreaking situation. But listen, like, I know it's easy to try to overlook things in the name of keeping a wedding on schedule and not going through, you know, the perceived embarrassment of calling something off or rescheduling it. But those things are so easy compared to marrying someone who is not in the mindset of being monogamous and focused on you and committed to you. And right now it sounds like this man is not committed to you the way that a husband should be. And so he needs to get serious about this for you and for all couples thinking about marriage. Preparing for marriage. We actually have a program to help you through that and help guide you through some of these conversations. You can find all those resources@premarriage.com and that would be a good place to start, but we're praying for you. I encourage you to get with a premarital counselor to talk through these issues. But like Ashley said, you don't have to stand for that. In fact, don't stand for that and don't think that marriage is going to change him because.

Go ahead, interrupt you. I was just going to say, and you mentioned this, and I probably should have mentioned this, but this can stay between the two of you and the counselors that you're going to be working with. You don't have to tell all the family members if you're going to move the date. You don't have to tell them what's going on. Not to be secretive, but this is a personal thing. And that way, you know, when you do get married, and hopefully he's worked through these issues, it's not this big thing that your family members can't forget. So, you know, be careful who you talk to about this, but definitely get help. And I do think there is hope and help for him, but I would really, I would slow down this engagement and really have him deal with the issues of just wanting to look up old flames and girls. And you deserve better than that. And your guys you want your marriage to start off on the right foot and so definitely make sure he gets help with those issues.

Wise words.

Thank you all so much for listening to today's episode of Hump Day Q and A. We love getting your questions and we want to answer your question. So if you go to nakedmarriagepodcast.com you can submit your question right there. Or you can follow us on Instagram at Dave and Ashley Willis and you can give us your questions right there by giving us a dm. So catch you next time on Hump Day Q and A.