Summer Quickies: Is masturbation in marriage wrong?

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Hey, guys. Welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we undress the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And we are having so much fun in this summer question and answer series, going back and answering questions, live recordings from the EXO marriage conferences we did this past spring. And today's question is. It is a. It is a hot one. It's one that even took me off guard a little bit.

It did, and I love how it took you off guard. And it just made me crack up. I'd just crack up even thinking about it. The question is, is masturbation wrong in marriage, either together or apart? We have a lot to say about this one, so let's dive in. Well, I'm gonna give this one to Dave.

No, seriously, this is the question.

I'll help answer it. Okay. Is masturbation wrong in marriage, either together or apart?

Jimmy Evans. Can we use a lifeline? Jimmy Evans.

Oh, no.

Can we phone a friend? Is it wrong? You know, it's a real question. It's a real question. This is one of those issues that the Bible, which, you know, I read a lot, is largely silent on this issue, which is unfortunate because I could really use the backup right now. Biblically. Let me think. There is one obscure reference in the Old Testament of a guy spilling his seed on the ground that was frowned upon. But the specific context of this is. This is in the Bible, guys. I'm just telling you. What's in there is that he was, like, called to, like. Well, you know what? You can read the story, but it's not even about. It's. This is great. Where was I going? That story's not even about masturbation.

I rarely find you at a loss of words. I'm just.

Well, I'm just. I'm thinking, you know, maybe we should preview these. So, all right, here's the deal. Jesus says to look at a woman with lust is to commit adultery. So. So we know right off the bat that any masturbation that's fueled by a lust that is not directed toward your spouse is wrong because of what's happening in your mind. And then, so what's happening in your mind, you're already out of bounds regardless of what's happening physically as a result of that. So if it's focused on each other, focused on each other, especially within the context of lovemaking and just an expression of that, again, I feel like we've got an enormous amount of freedom. However, when masturbation becomes a substitute for sexual intimacy together, that's where I feel like we can get. And I've known couples who've kind of like fallen into this, men especially, where you feel, they feel like, well, my sexual needs aren't being met and so I'm just gonna take care of this on my own. And it actually becomes a wedge between them and their spouse because your spouse is the only really legitimate source of sexual fulfillment in your life. And so when one spouse has a much higher drive than the other one, the easy kind of worldly, practical response is, well, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna take care of it on my own and I'm gonna make sure that need is met. But I believe in that kind of context, I think the godly response would be it's an opportunity for us to work together to serve each other and to, and to make sure that your spouse and your marriage bed is the one place that, the one place where sexual fulfillment of any kind can and should be happening. And if masturbation is just becoming a substitute for that, then it can very quickly turn sex itself into a very self serving action where it's just all about you, even when you're with your spouse. And so that's where it can become really dangerous. So is it a sin, black and white issue? I don't know that I could answer it yes or no in a black and white issue that way. But I would say.

When it's tied to lusting after someone else.

Right. Lust is a sin.

Or tied to pornography often masters.

Right. Pornography is clearly a sin. But express yourself, have fun in the bedroom together, but don't, don't let anything other people. Yeah. Don't let anything you do alone be something that actually pulls you away from your spouse. And that connection.

That was a fun one for sure. I love the fact that it kind of threw Dave for a loop, but he answered it so great and I really hope that it answered your all's questions about it. So thank you all for tuning in and we'll see you next time. Thanks for listening to the Naked Marriage podcast for more free marriage resources to ask us a question or to view our show notes, visit nakedmarriagepodcast.com and if.

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