Summer Quickies: What is off limits in the bedroom?

Hey, guys. Welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we undress the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. And, boy, do we have a great question for you guys today.

Yeah, we're loving diving into these questions. And again, all these questions were recorded live at XO Marriage conference events. You can come to one of these live events. You can go to exomarriage.com to learn more. And this question was so much fun. It was a steamy one. The question is, where is the line sexual? In other words, what is off limits? And then specifically this question asked, is oral sex okay in marriage? And it's a fun question. It's an honest question, and I loved hearing my beautiful bride answer it. So let's dive in. All right, well, this next question, it's a steamy one.

Steamy. We like steamy questions.

See where your minds are. Where is the line of what is appropriate sexually within marriage? And then specifically, is oral sex okay?

Hey, we like it.

Sweetie, why don't you take this one?

Hey, I'd be happy to take this one. He always. He loves getting me to talk about sex, but actually, I like talking about it.

Go ahead. I'm just. I'm gonna save this. I'm gonna save this response.

That's so silly. Okay. All right, well, we go into great detail about this on our naked marriage podcast. So if you wanna hear, like, the great, detailed.

Actually, the very first episode, I think it is.

Yeah, it's like the first episode, we.

Just go right out of the gate and it's the first ep. Yeah, we talk a lot unpacking this specific question. We do.

Because I think as Christians too, sometimes we feel like, nervous asking about sex. But the thing is, guys, God created sex like it was his idea.

Amen.

Thank you, Lord, for your amazing idea. Amen. And not only that, but it was his idea for marriage. For marriage. Okay. So it's this amazing gift that he made specifically for marriage. And as Christians who are married, sex should be awesome. And it should be something that we make priority in our lives. But I think so many times there's such shame thrown on sex. And a lot of us come into marriage with baggage. And it just. It's something that I do feel like the enemy is having a heyday with. And so I'm glad that whoever asked this question, thank you for asking this question. But the truth is, you know, people think that sex, you know, isn't supposed to be fun or something, or that God is like, sex shouldn't Be fun. But that's just so far from the truth.

Okay.

It is a beautiful way for a husband and wife to connect. And if you don't think that God wants sex to be fun, then you haven't read the book of Song of Solomon. Okay. That book is way steamy.

Yeah. When you really read a commentary about what. You know, what. What they're actually describing, and it's like, wow.

Like, that is enlightening.

Yeah. It's like, yes. How about it?

Yeah.

It's like 50 Shades of Old Testament going on right there. It's like.

It is.

So you got. I'm just saying, you got freedom. But at the same time, you got to keep in mind, in marriage, while there's a great amount of freedom, God wants there to be, I think, an enormous amount of freedom of expression and even adventure in your sex life. The marriage bed also has to be an incredibly safe place for you both.

Yes, absolutely.

An incredibly safe place. And so I know a lot of times people come into marriage with baggage. The baggage can either be a result of their own sin, a result of past abuse. We talk to couples like this that are carrying that kind of deep, deep wounds and deep baggage, and they might associate sex itself or certain sexual acts. Yeah, certain sexual acts with a past they're trying to escape. And you've got to be sensitive to all that. You got to talk through that. Other times we carry Christian baggage into marriage. We have this misguided, legalistic view of sex because we grew up in a very regressive, oppressive environment, and sex was only talked about in really negative terms. And even talking about it now in a church setting, there are probably some of you squirming because you carry around that kind of baggage. Actually, Ashley grew up in that kind of situation.

That would have been neat.

And so we had to work through that because I grew up in a home where mom. They loved each other, but they were very, very open. And sex was never talked about as something that was, like, gross or wrong. It was something that was intended for marriage alone, but it was something I looked forward to. And they celebrated, and they had a really healthy view about it, but so many people didn't grow up with that. And so you've gotta be sensitive to where your spouse is in terms of their own comfort level. And if one spouse is always pushing the other to do something, whatever that act, whatever it might be, then that's a whole separate issue. Because, again, if the marriage bed isn't the safest place on earth for both of you, then we're missing out on that intimacy and oneness that God intends for sex. So while the simple answer is, I mean, short of like hurting each other or bringing someone else into the marriage bed physically or virtually through something like porn, I think there's an enormous amount of freedom. However, if it's something that one spouse is uncomfortable with, you've got to, again, be so selfish, safe. You got to be a safe place.

For each other and respect, respecting each.

Other, respecting each other and talking about these things. Not just like in the moment where, but talk about these things like naturally over breakfast. You know, be able to talk about.

Your sex life without your kids present.

Yeah. Hopefully without them present, though. So. So, yeah. But again, we go into a lot more detail and share some. We share some true stories of folks who've come to, you know, that question with specific kinds of baggage in more detail than we can right now. So you can check out the podcast or the Naked Marriage book for more on that.

We loved answering that question because it's honestly one we get a lot and I think sometimes people are embarrassed to ask it. But we need to be talking about sex. And as Christian married people, we should be having the best sex there is, right?

Yes.

And so we are so excited that we were able to answer this and I hope it answered a lot of your questions. Is oral sex a sin?

No.

And you know, we went and talked about the sexual line. That's where you've got to talk to your spouse. You got to open up, you got to be honest, keep on talking about these things. We should never feel like we are in danger or pressure to do something we're not comfortable with. We need to talk to our spouse and our marriage bed should be a pure and a safe place. Thank you guys for listening and we'll see you next time. Thanks for listening to the Naked Marriage Podcast. For more free marriage resources to ask us a question or to view our show notes, visit nakedmarriagepodcast.

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