The Best Valentines Day Gift

Hey, welcome into Walgreens.

Hi, there. Hey.

All right, hon. I'll grab the gift wrap cards and. Oh, those stuffed animals the girls want.

Great. And I'll grab the string lights and some. How about I grab some cough drops? This is not just a quick trip to Walgreens.

I'm fine, honey.

Well, just in case. You know what they say, Tis the season. This is help staying healthy through the holidays. Walgreens.

Hello and welcome back to the Naked Marriage podcast. We are Dave and Ashley Willis, and on this podcast, we undress the truth about sex, intimacy, and lifelong love. And, you guys, happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day.

We love this day. And I know you guys, let's all be honest. As married people, I think a lot of us kind of poo poo on Valentine's Day because we're like, this is Valentine's Day. What have you said? This is, like, for the people in training.

Amateur night.

It's amateur night.

Like, the folks that are really trying to impress that person that they're just dating. And we think, I've been married for 10 years or however long. And it's like, Valentine's Day is just invented by Hallmark to sell stuff. But you know what? We see it as a day to celebrate your love along with. And that's always a good thing, whether it's your anniversary or a birthday or Valentine's Day or just a random Wednesday through the middle of a week. Like, just looking for ways to celebrate each other's. Your marriage, your love, your story, and to find time together. And I think it's a really cool day to do that. And you're taking time. If you're listening to it the day it comes out, you're taking time on this day of love.

That's right.

To invest in your love with each other. If you're listening to it months or years down the road, hey, it's gonna be relevant to you as well, because we've got a little Valentine's Day present for you. We are gonna give you a sneak preview of the Counterfeit Climax, which is the book we've been talking about. It comes out tomorrow, so you can order it today and have it delivered as an audiobook or an ebook tomorrow or a paperback from Amazon a day, maybe a day or two later. But we're gonna read you some passages from the book. And this is gonna be a gift to you. This book, we believe, because it's gonna help you in your sex life. And if you really want a great Valentine's Day gift as A married couple. I can't think of a better one than really improving the sexual intimacy and connection in your marriage.

It's so true. And, you know, we've gotten a lot of questions saying, well, what is this book really about? And why did you guys write this book? And what exactly is a counterfeit climax? Like, what exactly does that mean? So we're gonna give you little hints. We can't give it all away. We. We want you to go and get the book because we really couldn't possibly even capture it in a podcast episode. But we really do believe that if you and your spouse take time to read this and then discuss the questions. One thing I love about this book is that there's questions at the end of every chapter. You know you're going to grow in your marriage because it's gonna give you great conversations. And we believe that's really what grows your marriage, is when you and your spouse talk about these things. You know, it's not. It's really not about what we say as much as it is about what you guys learn through this and what you all talk about and what God is doing in your individual marriage. And so that's. That's probably what I'm most excited about, because I know each couple is going to take a little something different. And that's what God does. And this is chock full of his word. It's chock full of lots of practical tips. One of my favorite things about this book is that we really tell it in a little bit different style than some of our past books in that we use people's stories. Obviously, we're changing the names to respect the people involved, but these are people's real stories to help demonstrate a lot of the lies that many of us have believed our whole lives when it comes to sex.

And so we want to share a little bit of that with you right now. And, like, what this book is about, I think maybe in one sentence, and this sentence comes from the introduction that kind of sums up the book. It might be this one. Our world has largely abandoned God's perfect plan for sex and replaced it with counterfeit forms of love and sexual. And that's what the counterfeit climax really, in a nutshell, is all about. All those false messages that we've believed about sex through our past experiences, through the entertainment, or what passes for entertainment sometimes on tv, through counterfeit forms of intimacy like pornography, through our own baggage, our own insecurity, all of those things can hold you back from experiencing the blissful freedom God intends the marriage bed to have. And so part of the introduction as well is we share some messages from folks who've written us. Thank you for all who've written us on Instagram avenashleywillis or on Facebook or email. However you've written to us, we've taken some of those messages and changed the names and even put them in the book just to acknowledge your voice and your unique struggle, but then also as a launchpad to talk about some of these things. And so we just want to read some of these messages because a response to messages like this is really what the book's all about. So we're just going to take turns reading Sweetie, if you want to start reading Amy's message and then I'll read Jake's and we'll kind of go back and forth so the you'll hear the women's messages in a woman's voice and the men's messages in a guy's voice just to kind of help us maybe visualize the real people behind these messages. And this is again, part of the introduction to the Counterfeit Climax book.

That's right. My husband wants to have sex all the time, but I don't have any drive at all. I love my husband, but I'm just not really interested in sex. We still do it occasionally, but my husband lives in constant sexual frustration and then gets angry with me. I'm not sure what to do. He says we're more like roommates than husband and wife, and he wants a wife, not a roommate. I want a good marriage, too. What do we do?

Amy B. I've watched porn since I was a kid. It shaped my views about sex. I've finally broken away from my porn addiction, but I can't seem to break away from wanting my wife to do certain acts and fetishes that I learned through porn. I have a hard time even getting aroused if she won't do those certain things, but it makes her feel dirty. Her. Makes her feel dirty when she does it. Our sex life and our marriage is really struggling, and we don't know how to move past it.

Jake P. Before we were married, I had multiple sexual partners, but my husband was a virgin. We talked through everything as we prepped, as we prepared for our marriage, and he seemed totally fine with my past. But now it's clear that he's not fine with it. He's very insecure about my past sexual partners, and he's always asking me questions about them or about what specific things we did in bed. He accuses me of comparing him to these past lovers and makes cutting remarks. I love my husband and I can't change the past. But I can't seem to do anything to make my husband know my heart is his. I'm totally committed to my husband, but sometimes he talks to me like. Like I'm trash and I can't take it anymore.

Jen R. I was sexually abused as a kid, but I've never been able to tell my wife about it. The memories still haunt me. Sometimes I even get flashbacks when my wife and I are making love and she knows something is wrong. But I always make other excuses. I don't want her to look at me differently and I'm afraid to tell her. Should I tell her? How do I tell her? Chris wow.

I've gained weight since we were first married and I'm really self conscious of my body. I don't like to be naked or even for my husband to watch me get dressed or undressed. He always says how much he loves my body and he practically begs to see me. But when we do make love, I can't be comfortable unless the room is totally dark. I go out of my way to not let my husband see me. I can tell it really hurts his feelings, but I just can't get past my insecurities. My husband feels rejected, but he doesn't seem to understand how I'm feeling. I wish I could just be free with my body in the bedroom, but I don't know how.

Molly L. My wife and I were both accustomed to taking care of our own sexual needs. Before we got together, I masturbated daily and she always had the most technologically advanced vibrator on her bedside table. When we got married, we realized that we'd gotten so good at meeting our own needs that we were really bad at meeting each other's needs in bed. Sex became a selfish act for both of us and it has caused a lot of frustration. We're trying to both break the habit of masturbation and do a better job of being selfless lovers by putting each other's needs first. But it's like we're learning to walk for the first time. We keep tripping over ourselves. How do we break out of this negative cycle and actually have a great sex life? Carlos A. I grew up in a.

Family and in a church where sex was always talked about in a negative way. I kind of shut off the sexual part of myself completely. Once I got married, I didn't know how to turn on the sexual side of me. I still feel dirty every time we do it. My husband can tell I don't enjoy it, and this is heartbreaking for him. I know it sounds crazy, but every time we're making love, I just picture my parents, my youth pastor, and even God all watching me shaking their heads in disgust. I don't know how to get past my hangups. Melissa B.

And then I want to read you guys the very next paragraph that kind of ties these messages together in the book. It says all these messages come from different perspectives and address different issues, but they're all united by some common themes. All of these people are facing struggles in their marriage that stem from frustrations, misconceptions, and or baggage related to sex. So many couples wrestle with issues and mindsets that negatively impact their sex lives and their marriages. They also suffer from isolation because they don't always know where they can safely find answers to these important questions. We hope this book is a safe place where you can find answers to many of these questions. When you cultivate a healthy new mindset about sex, we believe every aspect of your marriage, both inside and outside the bedroom, will improve. And so that's just kind of a little sneak preview of what's in there. And we read those messages to you that have been, you know, slightly modified and names have been changed just to protect those. The identity of those who wrote them. Because we want you to always feel safe in sharing your stories with us. So we've changed a few little details in the messages sometimes to just, again, help provide an extra layer of accountability, I mean, anonymity to the people who wrote it. But those are real struggles, and we want you to know you're not alone. If you're listening right now or watching this on YouTube right now, and maybe one of those messages in particular, you say, you know what? That's our story. That's very close to what we're going through. And so part of what this book is really about is helping you have the freedom of knowing you're not alone, that you're not. Because Satan wants to isolate us. He wants to shame us and make us feel like our struggle, our insecurity, our shame, our past, whatever it is, is something that is only us, that we're just this weirdo that nobody else can relate to. And so when we come alongside each other and really openly talk about these things, and that's why we do the Naked Marriage podcast in the first place, is providing a safe place to have potentially awkward conversations and just trying to take the awkward out of it and saying, listen These are just real issues, but these are things that we shouldn't be afraid to talk about. And once you bring it out into the light, it doesn't seem nearly as scary or awkward anymore. And God's plan for sex is outlined in the Bible. It's something so freeing and so beautiful and so filled with grace that no matter where you've been or what you've done or how bad you feel, like things might be in the marriage bedroom right now, there's hope. There's hope for something better. And we just hope that this book provides a roadmap for what that hopeful journey could look like.

You know, it's so true. And I know we. We've mentioned, you know, counterfeit, and what we mean by that is that it's. It's something that. That is presented to us as being the truth, but it's not, because that's what Satan, our enemy, okay. Wants to do with sex. You know, I think that we live in a culture that. That just acts like God didn't create sex, but that's just so far from the truth. You know, sex was God's idea. It still is God's. And it's meant for marriage. It's meant for a husband and a wife.

Thank you, God, by the way.

Yes, thank you, God. And I think that that's why we have to rewire our brains a little bit and really allow God to renew our mind, just like the scriptures say, because there are. There's just so many mixed messages, so many counterfeit messages sent at us every. Every single day just by simply living in the world. And, you know, we have children, too. Children growing up in this very confusing time. You know, we've got four boys. Two of our boys are teenagers. I know that their mind. There's just so many mixed messages when it comes to what sex is, what sexual identity is. What am I supposed to think about my body? You know, what. What really is this? You know, and so not only will this book help you in your marriage, I think it will help you, for those of you who have children. We didn't write it for this specific purpose necessarily, but I do think it will help you to maybe at. At age appropriate levels, have some different kinds of conversations about sex with your children. And so this has. Not only. This book not only has the ability to impact your marriage in a favorable way, but also your family. And that's what we really. We want to do. We want to be a safe place. We want to be a place where. Where you're reading God's truth about sex because you know the truth sets you free and God wants you to have freedom in the bedroom. And, and so many of us, even if we waited to have sex until we were married, we feel, we don't. We don't feel freedom. We feel all these hang ups and we feel all these steamer.

Here, give me the dirt.

My mother in law is coming over.

Then your home must be spotless. We'll handle the carpets couched in rugs. You handle her criticism with baked goods. People complain less when they're chewing. Book your deep clean now at stanleysteamler.com.

Cuando entras a Burlington encuentras precios increibles irregalos geniales Jesus energia del protagonistas porque and Burlington los ahoros festivos nos un lo uni co quellam al attencion descubria jasgos de calidad y regalos perfectos paratodos and tulista des yoyas marcas de belles. You know, these confusing things coming our way. And what we're hoping that happens with this book is that you begin to not feel bound. The lies that you begin to kind of rest your shoulders to take a big sigh of relief and say, okay, I'm going to understand what sex really is and I'm going to talk about this openly and honestly with my spouse. And finally, you know, don't not feel like I have to be in shame or locked away in confusion because that's, that's really what a lot of us are living with and we don't even know it. Some of us, we've lived this way for so long, we don't even realize that.

Yeah, we just think this is just normal.

Right.

Because anything can feel normal after a while.

Oh yeah.

You know, a fish swimming in the middle of the ocean that's never been anywhere else doesn't know that he's wet. Yeah, it's just Water is just the only world that he's ever known. And a lot of us have grown up in mindsets or cultures where we don't know that we're wet. It's like it's just this world that we've lived in, this thought process that we've been bound by, this shame that's constricted us, but we don't know there's any other way. We just think this is life, this is what it feels like. But there's a better way. You know, when Jesus came, like his whole ministry was about showing people the way. He said, I am the way. And he came to bring freedom. He came to bring truth and to set people free from the mindsets that had been holding them back. And that includes every part of your life. And that's what our savior does. But we're talking specifically about that truth and that freedom in the area of sex, because we believe, and we've seen in the work that we do, that it's in this area of sex that the enemy works harder than in any other area to give counterfeit messages and to hold people back and to keep even Christian people bound up in shame and frustration and causing division in marriage and insecurity in marriage and miscommunication. And guys, listen. Satan doesn't own sex. God does. And it's still a gift from him to you for marriage. And it's a gift that if you're not enjoying fully and completely, you're missing out. And we don't say you're missing out in a way to shame you or make you feel weird. We just. We want you to be able to open and receive and experience this gift with your spouse the way that God intended. Because if not, then it's not only depriving yourself and your spouse, but. But it's. It's robbing your marriage of an important source of fuel and connection. And so, guys, don't let sex be something that is awkward to talk about in your marriage or even something that you end up dreading because. Because of the, you know, some of these counterfeit messages that we've talked about, there is freedom available. And again, that is why we wrote this book, and that is why we share so many stories of real people who have found that freedom, who've been bound up by one of the many counterfeit lies that hold people back, but their path to freedom, and if they did it, you can do it, too. And I'm more excited about this book that really than anything we've ever written. And, and I love what we've written. I think all of it has been meaningful in its own way. But this, I just think has such potential to really set people free, to bring people to a new level of intimacy in their marriage. And I'm not just talking about sexual intimacy, even though that's a big part of it, but intimacy on all levels. Because when you get this part right, like, your whole marriage is going to be more connected and more intimate. And so don't settle for anything less than that. And we just. We hope that this book really helps you, helps you to get there.

Absolutely. And I love that you mentioned that, sweetie, because it really isn't just about the physical. The physical is important. We want you to have sexual pleasure. We hope that you do have the best sex ever after you read this book. But really, it's about connection. You know, whenever we talk to couples so many times, and we've done some. We've done some, like polls on Instagram, you know, we've had questions about this, and so many of you have said, you know, when it comes to being maybe dissatisfied with your marriage, it's usually that you feel like you're lacking in connection. You feel like at one point you had a deeper connection than you do now. And, And I think so many times we believe the lie that, well, we'll never get back to whatever that was, you know, to whatever we felt like the deepest connection was. But really, there's never a season in your marriage where you arrive. It's. It's learning new things in every season. And, and what I truly believe is you can grow deeper and deeper and deeper with age. You know, we've been married 20 years. Our parents have been married 40 plus years. We know people who've been married 60 years. And the ones you know that are still together and still love each other, they. They will tell you that. They'll say, you know, our connection is even deeper. And it's. And it's a kind of intimacy that is so beyond the physical. You know, God designed it to be even so much more. It's meant for marriage. It's meant to be beyond just a physical, you know, pleasure, beyond a physical climax. It's meant to be a deep soul connection, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And that's what we hope that you discover through the pages of this book. And I, again, I just want to say the conversations that can come out of this, I truly believe can be life changing. You know, when we wrote these questions, like, I just. I just sometimes got cold chills because I know what it's done in our own life, and I know what it has the potential to do in your life. And so don't skip over that part when you get the book. Definitely, you know, there's. There's questions that are for you individually, but then there's questions for you to. To discuss collectively. And so it's. It's gonna be a transformation that not only happens in your mind and heart, but also in. In your partnership. And so I'm just so excited about it. I know. I mean, it's. It's really something that's been a long time in the making. It's been something that even builds on the, the, the message of the naked marriage. But you don't necessarily have had to read that to understand this book. I do think that if you have read the Naked Marriage and Naked and Healthy, it'll mean even that much more to you. But it's a standalone book, too.

Yeah, it is. And I'm so glad you brought up the conversation part. I think to echo Ashley, I think the most important part of this book is the conversations that you and your spouse are going to have as a result of it. And, and those conversation guides we created the questions to ask each other. It will spark, it will create some of the most meaningful conversations.

And they might be hard.

Yeah. And it might be awkward.

It probably will be.

But it's going to be worth it. It's going to be so good when you really answer honestly these questions. It's going to help you get to the root of identifying maybe the counterfeit messages that you have believed and then being able to create a path forward together to move out of that. And there's so much freedom and empowerment in that. Not to switch gears drastically, but I do want to also give this opportunity to give a plug for one other way you can get the counterfeit climax message, and that is at our EXO conferences, which are happening right now. In fact, just this past weekend in Grapevine, Texas at Fellowship Church, we kicked it off. Thank you so much to those who were there or to those one of the thousands, if you were one of the thousands around the world who were live streaming that through XO now or through a church simulcast location in your own community. Thank you for being part of that. If you missed it, it's not too late. You can get access to that content@xonow.com but even better, you can come to one of the upcoming events. We're going to be in Houston, Texas this coming Sunday at Grace Church. Ashley and I. The following weekend will be at Church of the Highlands doing their marriage conferences. Can't wait to get there. The weekend after that is XO Kansas City. Our first time in Kansas City. And I spent a few years as a kid in the Kansas City area. Independence, Independence, Missouri, and still have family in the Kansas City area. They're so looking forward to this. So hey, loved ones, family, can't wait to see you there. We'd love to see all of you listeners and viewers in Kansas City and then, and then from there. We've got some others throughout the spring and fall but come to one of these events. I think sometimes folks think, oh, you know, a marriage conference. It doesn't sound. I'm talking to you men for a second. You might be thinking, that just sounds lame. You know, I could be home doing something else. Dudes, hear me. These events are awesome. They are amazing. You're going to have such a good time. You're going to laugh a lot. I laugh more at these weekends than nearly anything else. You're going to leave feeling more connected to your wife than ever before. And, you know, I can almost, almost guarantee that there's going to be some special quality time for you and your wife afterwards as a result, because you're going to feel so close together.

So absolutely, it can be a highlight of your year. And, you know, I. I know that. I mean, we're probably partial to this because we've been to so many of them and we love them and we speak at them, but honestly, we get so much out of them as well, from the other speakers and just from the camaraderie. And honestly, one of our favorite parts is meeting you. Like, we do a meet and greet at nearly every event, and we get to hear your stories. We get to hug you, if you're okay with that, or fist bump if you're. If you want to do that, that's totally fine. But we just want to. To meet you and hear your story. And so we love it. Absolutely. And we could even sign your counterfeit climax book. We'd be happy to.

And give you a hug. And we'd love that. If you're. If you're hugging, if you're cool with that mask, no mask.

We'll respect whatever space, whatever you're into.

But we would love to meet you. Yes. So come to one of those. Thank you so much to those who've already helped us start off this exo season strong. And we're at this amazing event this past weekend. This is our favorite time of the year, guys. We love. This is. This is kind of when there's a lot of. A lot of exo happening at once. And we love it. We see every year, God, just do so much good through these conferences, through these events, and we just can't wait for what's to come. And we really are so excited to get this book into your hands. Whether you come to a conference or not, this book is a part of that message you can take with you and put it in your ears through the audiobook. If you're an audiobook listener, you got, you know, you can Go to Amazon and download through Audible. Us reading it, which was a lot of fun.

It was fun.

If you're paperback, ebook, hard copy, I think it's, I think it's actually a hardcover. So cool. You know, whatever you're into, there is a counterfeit climax book for you. So you can go to Amazon, you can go to thecounterfitclimax.com you can find it on our ministry's website, xomarriage.com so it's everywhere and we are so excited to finally be able to get this in your hands. And we just want to thank our whole team who was part of this. And the acknowledgment section in the back really didn't do justice to how much this team really did because our names, Ashley and my names are on the front as well as JP Pogluta who was very kind to write the forward and it's a powerful forward. But there were literally dozens of folks here on the exomarriage team that made this book possible and the launch team too. And shout out to our launch team and our launch team, thank you amazing people to the hundreds of you guys who've really helped us get the word out through the launch team. It really means the world to us, your support and encouragement.

Absolutely. Well guys, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you get this book in your hands. Let us know what you think of it and if you have read it, if you're part of the launch team, if you were ones to pre order and you're the first to get it, the best thing you can do to spread the word is once you read it, go ahead and and give a review. Go to Amazon. Put that review right there. It helps people know about it. It helps keep it in the queue for people looking for marriage resources. And so thank you guys so much again for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Sam.