The F5 Marriage Tornado

Welcome to the Naked Marriage podcast. We're Dave and Ashley Willis. On this podcast, we undress the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. And today's topic is really, really a great one. I think we're going to talk about how to overcome conflict in marriage, replace it with peace. It's really going to be a practical one because this is something every couple deals with. Speaking of practical tools, we've put together a brand new completely free ebook that we want to give to you. We're calling it the Marriage Survival Guide. It's very specific in some ways to kind of the current coronavirus issue and the financial stress and all the different stresses connected to it, but really in every season of life, even if you're listening to this years later and you're like, what's the coronavirus? This survival guide has practical tools to help you in every season. And again, it's totally free. All you got to do to get it is go to this site, XOMarriage.com SurvivalGuide that's XOMarriage.com Survivalguide and we will get it to you immediately. But before we dive into today's episode, my brilliant and beautiful wife, who has her sexy reading glasses on, is going to read a recent review. And thank you for leaving reviews on itunes or wherever you happen to be listening. We read every one and we're so encouraged by them.

We are. All right. Today we have a really interesting review. This is from someone who is not yet married and I thought this was so cool that she is going ahead and listening. And she entitles it great for preparation B bird 472. She says, I am in my 20 somethings and single and I cannot get enough of this podcast. I have had mostly very bad examples of marriage in my life and am intentionally trying to rewire my brain in order that I can break that generational curse and have the beautiful marriage I believe God wants for me. Dave and Ashley are so wise, humble, and genuine. They lay out biblical truths about marriage, love, and sex in a way that is so easy to grasp and practically to apply no matter what stage of life you're in. We love you guys. Thank you. And may God continue to bless your marriage and your ministry. Thank you so much. That is just so cool.

I know to be preparing ahead of time. I love that.

It's awesome.

It really, really is. So, so congrats and yeah, keep going. That's wonderful.

Keep going. Keep listening. I hope she continues to learn a lot. So with that, we are going to dive into today's Episode.

Every couple experiences conflict in marriage and storms in their marriage. And right now, we're kind of in unprecedented times globally for some of the conflict and the storms that people are feeling in the wake of the coronavirus and the financial stress in particular, that's caused a lot from that. And then, in addition, sometimes spouses are spending more time together, kind of cooped up at home than ever before. That can create a lot of stress, which can lead to conflict. And so we want to just dedicate an episode, even though we've talked about some of these issues in the past, but just dedicate an episode specifically to healthy ways to resolve conflict. We kind of have an illustration that we use for this called the F5 marriage tornado, which is something that we first used in an exotalk and then we put in our Naked Marriage book. And the F5 marriage tornado is simply five factors that all start with the letter F. And when you're caught up in this cycle, they spin around sort of in a cycle, and with each revolution, they get stronger and more powerful. So just listen to this and see if this kind of relates to where you are. The F5 marriage tornado starts with frustration, and we all experience frustration. Sometimes the frustration leads to, I'm going to run through these, and then we'll kind of unpack what they are. Frustration leads to false assumptions. False assumptions leads to fighting. Fighting leads to fatigue. Fatigue leads to fantasizing, and then fantasizing leads back to frustration, and the storm continues and continues. And as we talk through this, I think you might see, like, wow, we are in that storm right now. Or we've definitely experienced that. So we're going to talk about what that storm looks like, and then we're going to talk about how to navigate out of it, how to get out of that conflict and really replace it with. With peace and healthy communication.

You know, I love using the image of the F5 marriage tornado, because tornadoes are those things where we get swept up in it and they're very destructive, you know, and the thing about it is, the longer we allow ourselves to be caught up in these cycles, the worse it gets. And so we want to talk about this because you can break out, like, you can find peace. I mean, that's the solution. We're going to talk about that in just a minute, but you don't have to stay in this. And I think so many times, the longer we're caught in this marriage tornado, the longer we feel like, well, this is just how things are, and you just kind of exist being beat up by this horrible cycle that just kind of beats you down, makes you angrier and angrier at your spouse. And also it makes you very disillusioned. I mean, you're disillusioned. You don't see marriage as a good thing anymore. And really where it ultimately ends up is apathy or even divorce. And so it's very serious that we talk about these things. And we, when it comes to this first kind of point on the marriage, tornado in the cycle, going from frustration to false assumptions. This is one that I think so many of us, if we really think about our interactions with our spouse, we can relate to this. Because it may go something like this. Like, you come home from work, you both have had hard days, and something is not done as you would have it done. Like something has not been completed on the to do list, or your spouse was maybe inconsiderate about something. Maybe it's leaving laundry somewhere or not starting the dishwasher. Like, something is simple as that. And what we do when we're frustrated and we stay there and we allow it to kind of stew is we make false assumptions. Like, well, they just think I should do everything, or they don't care, or they just don't notice anything anymore. They think I'm like their maid, or they just don't even appreciate me anymore. And we just start making all these false assumptions. And that self talk that we have about our spouse can make or break us. Because what we do is when we make those false assumptions, we start treating them in a negative way. And then they just have more false assumptions about us, like, she doesn't respect me, or, you know, he doesn't love me. He doesn't really love me anymore or value me anymore. And it just leads to fighting. That's our next point.

It leads to fighting. And so that you can stop the tornado right at the beginning, if you just replace the false assumptions with trust, with simply choosing to believe the best in each other, see the best.

Right.

And that is one of the biggest distinctions between couples who are in a really healthy dynamic with their communication and couples who are in this kind of proportion. Perpetual conflict is when there's a moment of frustration, Is your first step gonna be the false assumption of he never or he always this or never that, or she always this or never that, or is it gonna be like, you know what? I'm gonna choose to trust. My spouse loves me, they respect me. This is a little annoyance and maybe something that we should talk through in a respectful way, but I'm gonna Choose trust. But if you're in the tornado that false assumptions like Ashley says, it inevitably leads to fighting, it's gonna lead to conflict. And that doesn't mean a knockdown, drag out, screaming at each other, cage match. But it could mean the silent treatment. I don't know how you fight in unhealthy ways, but it could be the.

Silent treatment, which is just as distracting.

That's cold. Or it could be just like icing each other with no physical contact. Or it could be icing each other with no physical contact. Or it could be just little passive aggressive things. Or maybe it is just yelling at each other. But whatever that fighting looks like, fighting is the opposite of healthy communication because you're not actually trying to resolve the issue, you're trying to punish each other in it. And so we've gotta break out of that cycle.

We do. And like Dave said, you know, we were talking about the false assumptions, how we can kind of change it right there. It doesn't mean we don't talk about it. When we say, see the best in your spouse, we're not saying, oh, ignore every little thing that annoys you. We're saying, but if you deal with it, then if you can calmly say, listen, sweetie, I know you probably didn't even notice that you didn't starve the dishwasher, but if you could just do that before you leave. When I come home from work, it makes me feel so good that I know I have a dishwasher full of clean dishes and then I can put them away gladly. It's teamwork, right?

Teamwork.

So if you say it just calmly, then you're not allowing those false assumptions to stew and then leading to fighting like, you never, ever start the dishwasher. You don't do anything around this house. It's always me. It just ends up like you're keeping.

This mental tab of everything you do, right? And then you're.

And it's always more than yourself, right?

It's always better.

We see ourselves way better.

We do. We don't see it again. This is a false assumption. We don't see everything that they're doing. So we make assumptions of like, well, I know I'm doing these million things and he's doing two things and that are, that are so easy. We have to respect each other more than that. You know, we have to, again, believe the best.

Because what happens is when we get into that fighting, it gets worse and worse and worse. And honestly, I feel like what's even worse than a knockdown Drag out, fight where you're. Where you are yelling, maybe calling names, maybe using swear words at each other. I think what's even worse is when you get to the point where you are so tired that you're just quiet and you don't even greet each other in the morning or when you leave for work or when you come home from work, and you're just apathetic. I think apathy is such a sad place to be in a marriage now. It doesn't mean there's not hope. There is hope, but we're talking about this so that you don't get to that point, because after a lot of fighting, you are just tired. You're like, all we do is fight. I mean, we had friends years ago where they found themselves literally yelling out their car doors at each other, cussing each other out. They had their divorce attorney on speed dial. But then they got to the point where they were like, we're just tired. And they got with the attorney, and they were, like, on the brink of divorce. And then they decided they got so tired that they finally were like, you know what? I don't even know what to pray anymore, but there happens to be a marriage class at church. Like, I'm gonna prove to you that. That we're not good together and go to this marriage class. I mean, they were kind of like just trying to one up each other by going to the marriage class. And that marriage class revolutionized their marriage, and God did a miracle in their marriage. But they're the first to say, don't allow yourself to get to that horrible point, because they said things to each other they can't take back. There was a lot of stuff that their kids even had to go through with them that was just nasty. And so they are the first. They're people now that God has used them in a mighty way to teach others. But they're like, please don't do what we did and go through all that wreckage. You know, if you can stop it at the frustration or at the fighting and just. Or at the false assumptions, you know, kind of stop yourself and turn around and say, like, listen, what we're doing isn't working. We've got to turn to God. We've got to humble ourselves. We've got to talk about this in a respectful way. It's going to be so much better.

Oh, it really, really will be. So, like Ashley said, at any point in this F5 process, you can turn things around. Yes, the first one, false assumptions. You can turn it around by choosing to believe the best. The second one, fighting, you can turn it around by refusing to fight in unhealthy ways and to just only communicate in respectful ways. The fourth one, fatigue, you can turn it around by saying, you know what? I want to be very conscious right now that we tend to make our worst decisions as human beings. When we're tired, we have no filters. We're not at our best. And so I want to make sure I'm making wise decisions. I'm surrounding myself with. With voices and with people who are speaking truth into me and not people who are just down on marriage. I want to be really careful about who's speaking into my life right now. I want to be intentional about reaching out, like this couple did, and finding help through whether they were so wise in that they were so wise, you know, say, through a marriage class, through counseling, through whatever it might be. And then the fifth one, the fifth and final part of the F5 tornado before it starts all over again, is fantasizing. Because what happens when you're exhausted and. And when you're frustrated, you're not listening.

To the right voices, not listening to.

The right voices, you inevitably start fantasizing about a life without your spouse, or you can escape into fantasy that's dangerous, like pornography. A lot of men especially, but men and women both, will turn to things like pornography or these kind of, like, steamy, trashy romance novels that kind of paint a certain picture of romance that's very. Just sexual, and it's an escape for you mentally. That's one that's actually very harmful to your marriage. And we've talked a lot about, you know, pornography and all kinds of past episodes, so I won't belabor that point. But any kind of fantasy that's pulling you away from your spouse is really harmful.

Right?

And you. And it might just be a simple fantasy of imagining life without him or her.

Right.

Like, oh, it'd be so much easier. I do everything.

It's not always sexual.

Right.

Like, we're not just talking about sexual fantasies here.

It could just be like, another way. I wish he wasn't here. Imagine I'm fantasizing about not having to put up with her or him.

Right? Right. No, and I think, honestly, that's probably more common is you have fought so long that you've gotten so tired, and you're like, I don't even know how to have a civil conversation with this person anymore. I just wish we weren't married anymore. Like, you start fantasizing about a life without them in Your daily life. Right. And then sometimes that fantasy doesn't. Maybe it's not sexual quite yet, but it turns to noticing other people of the opposite sex in your life. You're like, if I was married to them, it wouldn't be like this. Like, they'd probably be a great dad or oh my gosh, I bet we would just get along so well. We would never fight about these silly things. And then you kind of open yourself up to, you know, having another relationship outside of the marriage and then eventually to those. The sexual fantasies that follow.

When I talk to him at work, it's just like somebody finally gets me. So imagine what life would be like if that was my husband.

Exactly.

And it leads us down. It can lead us down some really dark places when we're fatigued, we're tired, you know, we've been fighting. We're very vulnerable when we're in the midst of this storm. And so that's why we have to be.

And it's little things.

It's little things. Yeah.

I mean, it's so little. I remember talking to a friend of mine years ago. She said that her and her husband were going through kind of a rocky point in the beginning of their marriage. And she went on a mission trip. And there was a guy on the mission trip that she started talking about these things with because she was just trying to talk about, you know, the issues with somebody who she felt like got her and was a good listener. And she said she noticed kind of the more she was on that mission trip that she started thinking about how she wanted to run into him. And then she started thinking about how she looked and how she wanted to look a certain way so that he would find her beautiful, this man on this mission trip. And she said when she started thinking about, like how she felt when she saw him, she said she could literally feel her heart kind of pitter patter a little bit. She said that she felt God waking her up and saying, whoa, like this is really dangerous territory. That's how easy it happens, you guys. Like, that's how easy. And if she had allowed herself to continue to have contact with that guy, it could have really led some unhealthy places. And this was innocent. She was just trying to seek counsel. But like we always say, it's so much better to seek counsel for someone of the same sex who you know you can trust, who is for you, for your marriage, who loves God and who loves you and has all four of those qualities, because if they don't, they're not gonna give you the best advice, but when we go to people of the opposite sex like that, it's like not a family member. It really does open you up to those kind of feelings because you are vulnerable. You know, this particular friend I'm talking about, like, her and her husband were in a rocky place. She wasn't wanting to divorce him. It wasn't like it had gone that far. But because she was feeling like he wasn't understanding her, she was looking to be understood by someone else. And that's what she found in that guy on the mission trip. So she shut down that relationship. She started distancing herself from that guy. And you guys today, I mean, her and her husband have an amazing marriage, and God has done amazing things in their marriage. So I just. I just say this because, you know, any of us, there is not one person listening, including Dave and I talking here, that aren't able to fall into this temptation. There's not one human being on earth that can't fall right into this because.

And if you think you can't, then you're more susceptible than anybody else.

That's pride.

Because that pride, pride will blind you. Pride comes before a fall, the Bible says. And that pride of saying, like, oh, no, that would never happen to me, right? No, guys, listen. We all have to safeguard ourselves.

We do.

There's wisdom, wisdom in that. So that's a great word and a great story to remind us of the dangers, but also the hope when we do things the right way. Black Friday savings are here at the Home Depot, which means it's time to add new cordless power to your collection. Right now, when you buy a select battery kit from one of our top brands like Ryobi or Milwaukee, you'll get a select tool from that same brand for free. Click into one of our best deals of the season and stock up on tools for all your upcoming projects. Get Black Friday Savings happening now at the Home Depot. Limit one per transaction exclusion supply full eligible tool list in store and online.

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So what is the solution for the F5 marriage tornado? Well, you know, thankfully, God provides Solutions to every problem life throws at our way. And so we have something called the F5 Peace Plan.

Yes.

And just kind of run through that real quickly. It starts with frustration again, because frustrations are just a part of life. But like we said, instead of leading to false assumptions, the first step is forgiveness. We choose to forgive.

Grace.

Grace. Grace is the first step that leads to the next step. Fix your thoughts on the positive instead of fixing your thought. Jesus says, seek and you will find. Whatever you keep seeking, you will find. If you're training your thoughts to only see the negative in your spouse, it's all you'll see. But if you ask God to change your perspective and to see some things you can praise and to see some things you can encourage in him or her, see some reasons to be thankful, it will start to change your perspective. And then you focus on God's promises. That's the next, the fourth F. You focus on God's truth, not just what you're feeling, your feelings will lie to you. The Bible says the heart is deceitful above all things. But God's promises, His word holds true. And sometimes when our feelings are leading us down the wrong path, we need to come back and be re centered on God's word. And then finally we find peace. Because peace is something that God wants to bring to us in every part of life. Listen to the last episode, if you missed it, where we talk all about what shalom, what peace really, really is. And it's powerful to really understand that. So that's the peace plan. And again, we've got a free resource right now that explains all this in more detail. And if you go to this website, if you're driving, don't, don't wreck by writing this down. But when you can go to this website, XOMarriage.com, xOMarriage.com is our main website for live events. But on that website go to survivalguide xomarriage.com survivalguide and we've put together a completely free ebook to help us not only during these current times where there's coronavirus and there's quarantine and financial stress, but to help us through any season of life when, you know, we just want to be better in our marriage and our communication, our parenting, our sex life, every part of marriage. So we want to put this free resource in your hands. Go to that page and you can.

Learn more, you know. Absolutely. And I know we do have some unique struggles right now. Especially many of us are having to homeschool all of A sudden, like, if you've had your kids in traditional school, you know, many of these schools have closed just in an effort trying to stop the spread of the coronavirus. And so you have kids at home, and you're having to balance that. Like, you know, Dave and I are both working parents. We've had to kind of balance that and figure that out. You know, we have the luxury of being able to do a lot of what we do from home remotely, which is a huge blessing this time. But I know there's a lot of you listening where that's not possible. I mean, you're having to figure out schedules and babysitters. You know, a lot of daycares aren't even open right now because they're trying to stop the spread. And so that creates a lot of conflict in that way, because you can feel like maybe you're, you know, sacrificing certain things, but your spouse is not. And so I can't emphasize enough how much the conversations you're having right now are just so important. You've got to sit down. Sometimes it helps writing it down and saying, like, here's what we can do together. Like, here's a schedule that works for both of us. I'm gonna work this amount of time, you're gonna work this amount of time, and then we'll kind of tag team the kids or who can we call to kind of help us do this financially. This has caused a lot of financial problems for many people. I believe we're all gonna feel this to some extent. And so we need to get on the same page when it comes to budgets. And I think, again, you just need to talk about these things openly. And if you can get ahead of it, instead of letting your emotions get the better of you and just lashing out at each other, that's so much better. And so right now, I hope you go home after listening to this and say, like, listen, I just wanna make sure, even if you feel like you're on the same page, have that conversation and say, let's talk about all of this. Let's talk about our fears. Let's talk about the practical, you know, schedule items. Let's talk about finances. Let's make sure we're on the same page when it comes to this, because I don't want us to grow resentful towards each other. I don't want either one of us to feel like we're sacrificing more or doing more or whatever it is. You know, I want to make sure that we're on the same page. And I promise you, you'll probably find something where you're maybe not on the same page. I mean, I think that having those little kind of, you know, meetings where you're touching base and just saying, like, I know there hasn't been a fight recently, but I just wanna make sure we're on the same page, it gets ahead of it so that there's not a fight later. And so I just wanna encourage you to be open if you feel like you can't have a conversation and you're like, this person's driving me nuts. I can't have a civil conversation with my husband or my wife right now because we're both so full of fear, we're so full of uncertainty. We have all this resentment towards each other that we had way before coronavirus came into our lives. And if that's where you are, I know that, you know, some counselors probably aren't able to meet with you in person, but we have a solution here at Marriage Today, and it's awesome. And it's our coaches. You can actually Skype with them. So if you go to marriagetoday.com coaches, you can set up an appointment to Skype with one of our marriage coaches. These people are amazing. They've had so much experience helping so many couples all over the world. And I'm telling you, they could really be a gift to you in your marriage. Because when you can't have a civil conversation, that is definitely. That's a big red flag, and you need to have help, and there's no shame in getting help. We all need help. Dave and I have gone to counselors throughout the years. We've married almost 20 years, and counselors have been a huge help to us. And so I encourage you, reach out to a local counselor if they are able to meet with you in person, or set up a time to meet with one of our Marriage Today coaches.

Yeah, that is such a good word. You do not have to go through this on your own. There is wisdom in seeking counsel. The Bible says absolutely. And. And so seek it out, like, whether it's in person or right now during these kind of strange quarantine times. Skype works, too. And so, like Ashley said, there's a resource for you there. We're about to dive into this week's question again. Thank you guys so much. For those of you who have been sending in questions for the podcast, you can submit your questionakedmarriagepodcast.com we also love answering your questions via social Media. So if you're on Instagram, you can follow us, Dave and Ashley Willis on Facebook. Just look up the word marriage and you'll see us pop up there on the marriage page. Or you can find us individually, Dave or Ashley Willis on Facebook. And we do our best to respond to those questions personally. And some of those questions you send in actually shape entire podcast episodes and books and different things. And speaking of books, before we dive into this question, Ashley's book, Peace Pirates just came out. It talks in such beautiful depth about so many of these issues we've been talking about the last couple weeks. Finding peace, overcoming conflict, experiencing the shalom, the peace of God, even in the chaos and storms of life. The timing of this could not be better because you wrote this over the course of the last several years. But right now, we need peace more than ever with what's happening in the world. And so get that book, Peace Pirates by Ashley Willis. Wherever books are sold, you will enjoy it. All right, now for today's question. Sweetie, would you like to read it? You have your lovely sexy reading glasses.

On, even though they make the font bigger for me because my poor eyes. But Dave has laser eyes.

Well, I got laser Lasik because my eyes are worse than yours. I'm just getting to that age where it takes lasers and different things to make things work right. But I can see, which is a gift right now.

Beautiful vision. All right, today's question. It says I've been married for nine years to my husband. We don't know how to communicate with each other. After we got married, my husband said he doesn't have to impress me anymore. After he said that to me, I shut down. He does whatever he wants to do and doesn't think he needs to tell me where he is going. He now spends all of his time gambling, and it has caused us so many financial and marital problems. I have grown out of love with him. I don't know how to be around him. How should I react to him or show love to him when he walks all over me? I prayed for years, but things have gotten worse. I just started listening to the Naked Marriage podcast and I pray God changes me to be the wife God wants me to be.

Oh, my gosh.

It breaks my heart.

It breaks my heart because this isn't about what you as the wife are doing or not doing. This is, frankly, your husband is being an idiot. And I would tell him in love that same thing. Husband, if you're listening, you're being an idiot now. That doesn't mean you are an idiot. It just means that the choices you're.

Making, not making the right choices, the.

Perspective you have, is really a foolish, reckless, selfish and unbiblical one. You know, we interviewed Jimmy Evans on this podcast just a few months ago on an episode called the Four Laws of Love, based on his new book, the Four Laws of Love. And it was such a powerful episode. Jimmy, of course, founded Marriage Today, the ministry where we were a part of and is just such a great voice in marriage ministry. One of the four laws of love is the law of pursuit. The law of pursuit, that love only works. Marriage only works when there's this continuous pursuit. Your husband has lost sight of this cornerstone law of love, this foundational aspect of marriage. That pursuit isn't just something that happens in the engagement or the dating, trying to impress you, trying to woo you, trying to give his very best to you. But for the marriage to work, it has to happen throughout it's lifelong. He has to pursue your heart throughout the entire marriage and he's lost sight of that. Or maybe he just didn't know it. You know, I mean, I said he was being an idiot and it was kind of tongue in cheek a little bit. Because I think a lot of times guys do this and it's just ignorance. It's not that necessarily he is a jerk. It's just that it's ignorance. He doesn't know how marriage is supposed to work. But if he has any interest at all in making this marriage what it's supposed to be, or pursuing your heart and loving you the way you deserve to be loved, then he has to understand that law of pursuit and making you a priority, which is another law, putting you first. That podcast episode, I encourage you both to listen to it together. And then I think that book, the entire book, as a follow up, could be a great thing to listen to together, either the audiobook version or to read it. Sweetie, what would you say to this brokenhearted wife who has every reason to be brokenhearted? And we're gonna be praying for you as well. I just want you to know that. But this isn't your fault. I wanna say to her again, this isn't you being unlovable. This is your husband having blinders on his eyes. And Jimmy, again, you know, he talked about early on, he was this guy, he was, he was. He was doing these exact same things in his marriage.

Not the gambling, you know, I want to address. He did, he was golfing. As far as not pursuing. Right, his golf. But like, for this, you know, gambling is Highly addictive. And we actually have an entire podcast we just released a few weeks ago about addiction. I really encourage you both to listen to that, because I think whenever someone has an addiction, that's one of the blinders. That's one. I don't think it's the only blinder here. I think it's a lot about what Dave was saying where he maybe just doesn't know how to pursue you or maybe has lost sight of that. But I do think when we have any kind of addiction, and gambling in this case, it's a blinder because he wants to feed the addiction. It's just this stronghold in his life where it's constantly on his mind. It's really the thing that's taking up most of his thoughts. And he keeps on. From what I understand about gambling, it's like, you think, if I could just one more time, one more game, I could get that money back or I could hit the big one or whatever it is. And so I just encourage you to look at those. There's something called Celebrate Recovery that meets in churches all over the United States. I encourage your husband to go, but there are also support groups for people like you who are spouses, who are so brokenhearted because their spouse has a gambling addiction. And so it'd be great to surround yourself with other Christians who are also going through the same thing. And it'll give you a lot of perspective on how to support him, how to, you know, help, how to kind of show tough love. Cause this a lot of times involves you putting down some boundaries and saying, like, it can't be this way anymore. This is not the kind of marriage God wants us to have. Some things are gonna have to change. And in those Celebrate Recovery groups, they can help you navigate that. So I encourage you to look that up. You can Google it, find a church near you that has these groups, and go. And hopefully after you go, your husband will go. And I think that they can help you make those changes. But I just wanna commend you on how you ended this. You said, I pray God changes me to be the wife God wants me to be. You know, that's the first step, is you are so humble. You are realizing God will honor that. One way or the other, he will honor that. Keep on doing what you're doing. Keep on praying for your spouse, keep on serving him in ways that you can serve him, but also realizing that some ways that you can serve him that are for the health of your marriage are by setting those boundaries, you're doing that in love, okay, it's telling the truth in love. And sometimes it's tough love. It's saying, like, you are wrecking yourself and our marriage and our finances. And I have to put my foot down and say, like, these are some boundaries that need to be in place. And so I just commend you on realizing that you yourself can't change your husband, but only God can. And God is powerful, and God can do a miracle here. And so keep on saying those prayers and keep on allowing God to work in your heart and in your home in whatever way that you can. And I encourage you, too, it might be great for you to go to individual counseling, because I know that this can be very discouraging. And a lot of times when you feel like your spouse is just off not caring and wrecking your finances and doing whatever it is they're doing and not caring about the marriage, it can be very demoralizing, to say the least. And you can fall into things like anxiety and depression. And so I encourage you to keep on talking about this with people like a counselor or people in your life who, you know, love you and can give you great godly advice. And so just know that we are gonna be praying for you and. And we appreciate you reaching out today.

And Ashley mentioned counseling. Again, our coaches that we talked about.

Earlier, they do individual, too.

They can meet with you one on one via Skype. Again, that website is marriagetoday.com coaches. But, yeah, like Ashley said, we are praying for you and really for all those in that kind of situation. You know, we know a lot of folks are suffering in silence, but going through something similar. And our prayers are with you, and there is hope. And we hope that this podcast continues to encourage you on the journey. And speaking of the podcast, thank you guys for listening. Thank you for reviewing, thank you for subscribing wherever you get this, whether it's iTunes or YouTube, Spotify, wherever you're listening, there's all kinds of ways to listen all around the world, and we're so thankful for that. Together, we're part of an online community that is spreading a message of hope to Marriage is everywhere. And we really appreciate you.

We do. And we will see you next time.