The Power of Your Words

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Hey, friends, welcome to the Naked Marriage podcast where Dave and Ashley Willis and on this podcast, we undress the truth about sex, intimacy and lifelong love. I'm so excited about the episode. Today we're launching a miniseries. Yes, that you can.

Our first miniseries, actually.

I know. I feel like we're. We have our own miniseries or over the next three weeks, we're going to have a little miniseries on toxic behaviors to avoid in marriage. And we're going to talk about six total over three weeks. So we're going to talk about two toxic behaviors per week to avoid. And today the theme is all about words. It's two toxic behaviors to avoid. Number one, talking badly about your spouse. And number two, letting others talk badly about your spouse. And I want to share a few more Bible verses on this. Ashley and I have been doing a message on the power of your words, and we've collected some scriptures that speak to this. And I just want to share a few to sort of set the tone. Because the Bible has a lot to say about the power of our words. And I think sometimes we. We neglect this. We think, what's the big deal? Sticks and stones can break my. My bones, but words can never hurt me. But the truth is, words have power. I mean, think about it. God created the universe with words. He could have created it any way he wanted, but he used words. Then he created us in his image, giving us power in our words to shape the world around us for good or bad, to build up or to tear down. And we've got to be so careful. So here are a few verses. Proverbs 18:21. The tongue can bring death or life. Your words have the power of life and death. Jesus said this in Matthew, chapter 12. I tell you, everyone will have to give an account on the day of Judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words, you will be acquitted, and by your words, you will be condemned. Man. That's sobering for me because I've said some empty words, I've said some harsh things. And thankfully, in Christ we have grace. And we don't have to beat ourselves up and live in shame over our past mistakes. We can embrace his grace and live in freedom. But that verse should still be a sobering wake up call that our words matter. And if we've said things we shouldn't have, then we need to apologize and we need to try to make it right. Here are a few more Proverbs Again, chapter 16, verse 24. Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul, healthy for the body. I love this From Ephesians, chapter 4. Get rid of all bitterness, anger, rage, harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. And there are. There's so many more. I mean, we could go on and on and on, but it comes down to respect, kindness, tenderness, honesty. And if our words aren't displaying that about our spouse, then we're speaking negative things into existence. We're tearing down our marriage with our words. And if we're letting others speak negatively about our spouse, we're talking about that as well, then we're also culpable. You know, we're letting that happen. And we've got to make sure that those words are just not allowed in our home about our spouse in anywhere. It's never appropriate to speak evil and negativity about your spouse, you know.

Absolutely. And I just want to camp out real quick on, because I feel like these go hand in hand, these two behaviors, you know, both talking badly about your spouse and letting others talk badly about your spouse, because one affects the other. And here's why. So if you, like, let's say you have a group of friends and they tend to talk maybe negatively about their spouses. And then also, you know, in this conversation of them talking negatively about their spouse, they kind of, you know, say something derogatory about your spouse because they think, oh, we're just friends. We've known each other a long time. We're just shooting the breeze, you know, we're letting it out. We need to have a safe place to. To just, you know, let it all out. But do you guys know that actually studies have shown, there's literal studies that have shown that, you know, you kind of justifying speaking negatively about something to vent, that venting itself actually just leads to more anger. And that's actually biblical. But our friend Shanti Feldheim, I actually just heard her do a talk on this. It was actually about kindness and the power of kind words. And she said that, you know, there's all this research behind, well, does venting actually work? And it, it doesn't. It literally is like you're taking a match and you're Just lighten a line of gasoline. Like, maybe you've been making a line of gasoline this whole time with, like, negative words. Negative words, Negative words. And the more you vent and you. Especially when you get among people, it's like you all play off each other. And we play off each other. I'm not just saying you. I mean, we've done this too. Like, I get it. I've been that person. I've had to learn the hard way. But it doesn't lead anywhere good. And it just lights this fire inside of you of anger that leads to even more negative thoughts and maybe negative things you say about your spouse. And so I would just challenge you. If you are around people that have traditionally, like, in the past, been talking badly about your spouse, the next time they do that, you need to speak up. Like, it is so important that you speak up and you say, listen, it's. I want, you know, forgive me for allowing this to be okay, because it's not even your fault. Like, I'm the husband here, I'm the wife here, and I've not said anything in the past about you speaking about badly about my spouse. But listen, I've been really convicted over this. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I don't want my spouse, you know, talking badly to other people about me or allowing other people to talk badly about me. And so I wanna change this dynamic here. Let's start saying only positive things, because it's just not. It's really not helping me as a spouse. And if that person is really your friend, they're gonna say, you know what? Okay, that sounds good. And I'm so sorry that this has caused, you know, friction in your marriage because they would be more concerned about your marriage. But if they're like, man, that's stupid, or, girl, what are you talking about? We're best friends and we can just say whatever, then. That's not really a good friend, you guys. It's not a good friend.

They're wanting permission to. They don't want to change anything about their spouse and all that. And they don't want to be held accountable. And so they. You just have to be mindful. And maybe, like Ashley said, maybe it's time for you to get another friend group or to stop, you know, going to Margarita night right after work and just hanging out and, like, venting about the husbands or the wives or whatever it is and do something different that's going to invest in your marriage. And maybe you're listening to this and you're like, but, you know, my spouse, the ones talking negative to me. And what do I do in that situation where it's like, I want to. I don't want to just let them walk all over me. And so I find myself being negative in return. Well, here's another Bible verse for you from Proverbs, and I love this. It says, a gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. And what the Bible's telling us is the tone of your words is going to shape the tone of your marriage. That when we'll respond to anger with gentleness, then more often than not, it will help diffuse the situation instead of making it worse. But when we feel like, no, no one's going to talk to me that way, and if you're going to get angry with me, I'm going to get angry with you. And it just. It never ends. It's this crazy cycle that never ends. So we've got to be the first one to stop the fighting. We've got to be the first one to say, you know what? I'm sorry you're angry, and I'm sorry for anything that I did to contribute to that. But I love you, and I don't want us to fight. I don't want us to have anger in this house. I want it to be a place of laughter and joy and safety and peace for both of us and for our kids, if we have kids. So what can I do to help you feel safer here? What can I do to. And then really listen when they start talking. And even your instinct might be to get defensive, like, what are you talking about? I don't do that. Well, if I do that, you do this more and say, just listen. Say, all right, that's something that I'm going to work on. I really want to work on it and try that approach. And maybe you think, well, no, that's being weak. No, that's being wise. That's not being weak. That's being wise. And wisdom in your words, wisdom to say, I'm going to apply God's word to the way that I think and talk and act and respond and just watch what happens, because it's timeless and it's powerful, and God's truth is, is always going to put us on the right track. If you're just responding emotionally, which is what happens in a lot of marriage disagreements, is like, we just let our emotions run wild and we vent, like Ashley talked about, or we respond in anger. Nothing good comes from that. And if you've Been doing that a long time. You already know this to be true. It never leads anywhere good. So try this instead. I mean, you got nothing to lose and I promise it will make a positive difference.

I want to mention this as well. You know, if we are caught in this negative dynamic of constantly maybe talking badly, you know, about our spouse, whether to them or to other people, there is just this negative tone in our home. And I want to just to remind everybody about this. And we have whole podcasts on this if you want to know more. But it takes a lot of positive and encouraging things that you say to your spouse. Like, you need to have that in regular practice in order to, when the time is right to speak, you know, about something concerning to them. For example, like if you like, let's say there's a behavior that your spouse keeps on doing, like, maybe they have said really negative things to you, or maybe there's a bad habit that now has become an addiction, or maybe there's just something that you're really concerned about in their life. If you were already in the habit of encouraging them and of saying nice things to them and about them, then when you do have that issue, when you bring that to them, they're gonna listen so much better and more closely because they know you are for them and not against them. But, but if you're already in the habit of constantly just slinging negative things at each other and going behind their back and, you know, kind of raking them down to your friends, and even on social media, this isn't even just in person, but maybe on social media you've complained about em or whatever. When you actually do have an issue that needs to be addressed, they are less likely to listen because they think, you know what, you're always seeing the negative. That's not really my problem. It's just because you don't, you know, love me anymore. You don't really see the good in me, you know, and so they're not going to listen when really what you have to say might be really a good truth that needs to be addressed. And as their spouse, you know, you should be able to speak into that. But if you're, if you're caught in this dynamic of just negativity all the time, talking badly about each other all the time there, you know, it just causes communication to shut down. And then you're in this spot where you really, you have a hard time talking about anything, you know, and so you just kind of have this stalemate, kind of. We see, you know, couples just Kind of standing there, far apart, so to speak, and just not really communicating and running in circles around each other and living as roommates, and it's really a sad dynamic to be in.

Yeah. And it's not a place you have to stay. I think some couples stay there because they think, well, this is just how it is and we don't know how to break out of it. Right. But you break out of it by saying, I'm going to be the one to go first. Yes. And even when I myself might feel hurt or angry or whatever, I'm going to choose to give that pain to God so that I can step into this role of being a healer and saying, lord, work through me to bring about healing and peace in our home and in our marriage. And if you think I don't know how to get there because I feel like every time I open my mouth, it's just angry. It's kind of like that movie Inside out, that Disney Pixar movie, like, we've got a bunch of kids. And so a lot of our pop culture references are just cartoons, but in that movie. And I thought this was a brilliant way to describe it, and they worked with a lot of, like, mental health professionals to put this together, that there are emotions in the brain and one of them is in charge at every. Every time. And so that if anger is the emotion that's sort of in charge in your brain, then everything you say, even if you don't mean for it to. It's going to come across as angry. And you've got to replace that anger as the main emotion, you know, with. With joy, with one of the others. And. And that's a process. That's a process. And God's word talks about how to get there. I think that talking to a Christian counselor can get there because the Bible says it this way. He said, Jesus said the. The mouth speaks what the heart is full of. So it's kind of like people are a tube of toothpaste. You know, when you squeeze a tube of toothpaste, whatever's inside comes out. Right. And when we as people, when we get squeezed, it's whatever inside of us is what comes out. So if it's anger and if it's fear and if it's all that inside of us, then anything to squeeze us all that is going to come out and just reveal what was inside all along. So if you want something else inside, inside, then you've got to do the work of saying, jesus, come and heal what's broken inside of me. Like come and bring healing to that which is like broken and distorted in my thinking, in my heart. Renew my mind with your word. Help me to work through the pain of my past. Help me to, just help me to do that work on a spiritual level to replace what's going haywire inside. And that's, that takes courage, guys. But that's the real issue here. We're not just talking about just changing your words. If nothing on the inside changes because that's not going to do it and that's not going to be sustainable. Eventually we're going to always go back to speaking what the heart is full of, saying let's do the work to get to the root of what's going on inside of my mind and my heart. My Leb is Ashley pointed out in a past episode, episode, which is the biblical Hebrew word for both mind and heart together. And I want to do that work. And so maybe for you, that's going to be talking to a Christian counselor. If you go to getfaithful.com nakedmarriage you can get connected to a one on one Christian counselor. If you want to talk to somebody here on our team specifically about words in your marriage or anything happening in your marriage, you can go to xomarriage.com help we just try to provide resources to let you know you don't have to figure this out alone. And if you've tried on your own and nothing has changed, then it's time, it's time to reach out to somebody else. You know, talk to somebody who can walk alongside you and help you take those next steps to get healing.

Absolutely. I actually want to share kind of a personal story, especially on the side of letting others talk badly about your spouse. Because I think that we can recognize like, oh yeah, our friends, they shouldn't talk badly about our spouse. You know, I guess, I guess I can see that. Even if they're like, you know, I think we have rationalized it maybe in the past, like, oh, this is a good friend and we just kind of hash it out with each other. You know, a lot of people can come to the place of recognizing, yeah, that's probably toxic. Maybe we shouldn't talk badly about our spouse to friends. But I think where it gets really tricky is when it's a family member. I think that allowing, you know, family members, close family members having their opinions about our spouse and shutting that down can be really hard. And I've actually walked this road. I have a close family member that early in our marriage was going through A lot of issues herself that I didn't even realize at the time. And I had a codependent relationship with this person. And in the beginning, I really allowed her to speak badly about Dave. I did. And I didn't stand up for him. And in my mind, I just thought, well, I can't stand up to this person, like, out of respect and out of really the place this person had in my life. And you guys, I'm talking in code because I just don't want to crush this person. So I'm trying to be very respectful about this. Come a long way, but. But I do want to share this.

Devastatingly hard. It was horrible, difficult time because, yes, you know, like you said, this, this relative herself was at the time dealing with, with mental health issues. We didn't realize the extent until later, but there was no real accountability around her. No one quite knew how to. How to rein that in. And so we just let her be very, very reckless with her words and her actions.

Well, not we. It wasn't your responsibility. It was me.

Yeah, but I mean, like, everybody in her life, really.

Well, that is true.

Everybody in her life allowed her to just be very reckless with her words and her actions because we.

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I think all naively thought that that was easier, right? Trying to.

Don't poke the bear.

Yeah, don't poke the bear. Than enforcing any kind of healthy boundaries. Because whenever anybody would challenge anything she was doing, then it was just World War three. And so I think in an attempt to be peacemakers, all of us put our heads in the sand and made a lot of mistakes that, you know, reading the book Boundaries would have helped with, which is a book that we.

Which we did read.

And it helped when we did Read it. Great book, by the way, if you're dealing with someone making toxic choices. Boundaries by Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud. But not to interrupt. I'm just reliving that, like, for me, like this was for me personally.

Tell him how it felt.

One of the most difficult times of my entire life. I'd never been treated with the animosity, the anger, the disrespect, the venom and vitriol that was pointed my way for a period of years. And it was just so hard. And I felt alone in that because Ashley, who's always been such a wonderful support, she herself had been sabotaged by the brokenness of this relationship with this relative. And so she herself was wounded in ways that I didn't really know how to help. And I was being wounded and in ways that she didn't know how to help. We went to counseling, which did help. Some invited this relative to join us in counseling, which she would not do. And it was just a helpless time. We were very young. We didn't have the life experience that we have now. But at any stage of life, what we went through would have been just incredibly difficult. I think that it is by far the most difficult thing we've ever walked through in our marriage. And we've. We've been through a lot, but this. This was next level and. And I'm just so thankful that we've. We've come through it. But even still, you know, coming through it, there's. There. There's still like some just damaging remnants of that. There's some residue that, that by God's grace, we're able to work through and have a healthy relationship now. But. But still that. That period of time was so damaging that. Yeah, I just think that we'll live with some of the after effects for that for the rest of our lives. Right.

And really in the sense of God has healed us and like, thank God Dave forgave me for not standing up for him all those, you know, for at least a year. I think it took me about a year to see the writing on the wall, to see really what I was dealing with. And I had to go to a counselor. It took me going to a counselor and a counselor handing me a book called Emotionally Destructive Relationships. I can't remember the author's name, but basically that I was in a codependent relationship with this family member and I didn't even know it. And honestly, to that person's credit, she didn't know it either. And there had been years and years of this like in her own background. And so I have such compassion now, and I've forgiven this person. And it is by God's grace. And Dave biting his tongue off and not saying probably everything that he wanted to say in those days. Hard moments. But God has really allowed us to have a really good relationship with that family member. And I'm just. I'm so grateful. But let me tell you, at the time when it was happening, this person would try to get me alone. First of all, she would always try to get me alone. And then she would try. Basically, she didn't like the place that Dave had in my life now that he was my husband and that he was before this person now. You know, because that's how God designed me. Yeah.

By God's design, a marriage. That's the way it has to be. But she was exactly.

She did not like that.

Prepared for that.

No. And so she had words, you know, And I think. I don't even know if she realized what she was trying to do, honestly. But it would just be this mind game of trying for me to see Dave negatively enough that I would never give him the primary position that he was supposed to have in my life.

You trust me more than you trust her.

Right.

And so whatever could be done to sabotage me or to weaken the bond of our relationship so that you would turn to her as your primary support. And it was so toxic.

It was. And it was so hard. And I felt really conflicted because I love this person, but I also love my husband. And I felt often like in between a rock and a hard place. But it took this counselor being like, ashley, this is not healthy. You know, like. And there are things you can do. And so little by little, Dave and I together as a unified, you know, couple, had to set these boundaries in place. And it took me at times on the phone when this person would go into kind of her tirade of just how Dave's this and that and names with me. And I'd have Dave beside me, and he's hearing all of this. I would calmly say, listen, I love you, but you cannot talk about my husband this way. And if you continue to do so, I don't wanna do this, but I am going to have to hang up the phone because we cannot continue on this path together this way. Because it's hurting my marriage, it's hurting my heart, and frankly, it's wrong. And she didn't like it at first. But little by little, guys. Cause I did have to hang up a time or two, I remember. And that's not in my nature, you guys. I'm non confrontational.

And then you would just cry because you felt.

I cried and cried and cried.

You were put in this position, position where you felt like you lost no matter what. Oh yeah, I hated that. And again, it was just a messy season to walk through.

It was.

And I'm thankful that we had some wise mentors speaking into our life through this. And if it's something you don't have, get some healthy voices speaking into your life. I'm thankful for Christian counseling.

I went for years.

Yeah, guys like there are. You don't have to figure this out on your own because we couldn't and we didn't have to. Like, we, we leaned on the wisdom of older, wiser mentors who had no agenda but what was best for us and to point us on the path of God's truth and encourage us. We leaned on the wisdom of Christian counselors who had helped countless people walk through countless family dynamics. And you guys can do the same, right? But you have to commit to these principles that we're not going to talk badly about each other. We're not going to talk badly, let other people talk badly about our spouse because that's toxic. And it's just, it's so, so very hurtful. And if you've gotten caught up in that, it's just time to turn from that. You know, to let there be a wake up call. You know, to use kind of a churchy word, but a really powerful one. The word is repent. Repent means to turn from one way of doing things and turn toward a healthy way of doing things. God's way of doing things. It means like, I don't want to do that anymore and I don't have to. I'm going to turn back to the path of healing that God wants me to be on. And this can be your moment to just say, lord, forgive me for how I've spoken and the words that I've said and how I've allowed unhealthy things to happen. And I want to turn from that right now. Lord, embrace your grace and walk in your truth and experience the healing that you have for me, guys. And so we could talk a ton more about this. In fact, we'll talk about lots of other family relational dynamics in this book that we're going to have coming out next year called the In Law Dilemma. Because I know a lot of these kinds of relationships do happen within family dynamics. And so we're going to share a lot of your stories, because many of you have shared your stories with us. But that's our time for that topic. And so it is time to transition into our question of the day. And thank you guys so much for sending in questions. Aveandashleywillis on Instagram or@nakedmarriagepodcast.com Wherever you write us, we appreciate it. Today's question says this. We've been married for just over a year now and we waited until marriage to have sex. The issue is my husband can't reach climax from vaginal sex. I thought it would fade over time, but it hasn't. He likes oral sex, but rare, rarely finishes without help from those things. He sometimes just finishes by himself. I feel insecure and like a failure as a woman because I can't please my husband. Having sex the way God made it. What do I do? Thank you so much for your question. Thank you so much for your honesty to plug a resource real quick before we very specifically try to answer your question. Our book, the Counterfeit Climax, which is just new, it's just come out within recent months. Getting the audiobook version of that, where we share a lot of stories or just the hardcover book, and talking through kind of the questions, reading the stories, I think it would be an encouragement to you or anybody where in any level, sex has been kind of, you know, an issue in your marriage that you're wanting to improve. I feel like this resource is the, the most sex specific thing we've ever created and, and I think it could be really helpful. But to answer your question, first off, a lot of don't, don't feel like there's something wrong with you. So many folks have written us, so many folks deal with, with a struggle where a woman cannot climax by vaginal penetration alone, through intercourse alone, she'll need some other stimulation. And a lot of women have experienced that. And so I know that you're asking about your husband, but I'm just flipping it and saying both genders experience these kinds of things. And there are different factors that can cause kind of the type of stimulation that's needed to reach climax. Sometimes it has to do with kind of the muscle formation in the pelvic floor, which is the base of muscles that support the groin area in both men and women. And we've talked to physical therapists to talk about kind of pelvic floor exercises that can sort of loosen up things and increase the blood flow and do more that's going to help stimulation lead to climax more naturally. But there are so many different factors that can impact this in both men and women. And what you shouldn't ever feel is like, oh, my gosh, there's something wrong with me, anatomically or otherwise, because my husband isn't being pleased. It's like, just the way that he's wired physiologically certain aspects of stimulation that he enjoys, which I'm sure is very enjoyable during vaginal intercourse. But it might take applying pressure in other ways to kind of bring him to that point of climax. And, you know, I'd say don't beat him up and don't beat yourself up. If that's the case. Enjoy every aspect of sex and be thankful that God gives us so much freedom to really explore each other's bodies, explore our own bodies, and find what feels best, and then help each other in the most intimate and supportive and safest ways possible to maximize that pleasure. Right. And I'm just rambling at this point, so.

No, but it's so true. And your hand motions are hilarious. Like, he's doing all this hand motion.

Stuff, and I'm like, Talladega nights. Like, I don't know what to do with my hands. And he keeps just, like, doing this. And that's what I'm doing right now. I'm just. I don't know what to do with my hands.

It's so funny to me. And I'm like, oh, you got.

If you're watching on YouTube, you can enjoy the awkwardness.

Pretty funny. No, but I mean, you're so right. I want to say this, too. I don't know. She wasn't specific about their birth control, kind of what they're using. But if they're using condoms, I would say don't use a condom, because then there would be more stimulation. But also, you might want to consider. Not that condoms are bad. I'm just saying, like, if he's not able to get the sensation.

Yeah, it totally.

It takes it away.

Takes away numbs so much of the.

Stimulation that especially if he already is not able to have the stimulation. I mean, a condom is just yet another barrier. So if that's. You know, you might want to consider some other forms of birth control if that's your go to. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I would just say that could be a hurdle that you don't have to necessarily get over, because there's other ways. I would also say there are sensitivity, you know, different creams and, like, oils that he may want to use that is supposed to kind of enhance the sensation. I know that, like, Ky makes One where it's like a his and hers. That might be something that would really help you guys, because I think it draws the blood, if I'm understanding kind of the science behind it. It kind of draws the blood more to the surface and kind of helps with the. The sensation that you're supposed to receive.

Well, according to their commercials, it looks very enjoyable for both.

It's supposed to be. But let me just give this little caveat. You might be allergic to it, and we know from experience. So just look at the ingredients.

Yeah, yeah. So.

But natural lubes, that's probably tmi. But. But there are natural lubes out there, and a lot of people are allergic to that stuff. So just be aware of what the ingredients are in there. But a lot of people aren't allergic to it, obviously, because they keep on advertising it. So it might just be. It might just be the ticket for you.

But try some coconut oil or something.

Coconut oil. Something that makes it maybe a more pleasurable experience for. But also maybe spend more time on foreplay. I think that, you know and I know you know, a lot of times this is for telling men to do this for women, but I wonder if maybe oral sex should happen before vaginal penetration. I'm sorry, I feel like I'm like a sex professor over here, but I'm just gonna say it like it is.

When you're teaching about sex.

I used to. I had to teach sex ed in middle school, so I feel like it's like that part of me coming out. But anyway, remember that unit I had to teach you?

You said unit.

Anyway. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so maybe you need to have oral sec. Like, you know, he likes oral sex. Do that before, you know, you. He actually reaches climax and then finish with vaginal penetration. And that way you both are getting satisfied and you have that experience of vaginal penetration. But he also has the foreplay needed to.

Right.

And fully enjoy it.

And the. The. The intimate connection that comes when.

With intercourse.

When. Yeah, the climax happens during intercourse.

Exactly.

Yes. And, you know, climax anytime, by any means together, if you're experiencing it together is a beautiful thing. But there is something special about that happening during.

And I think that's what she said she would really like. That's what she would really like.

So I think Ashley's game plan there.

But also it's going to take him also being patient with you because you want you both to have pleasure. So anyway, that's probably a lot more information than they were bargaining for. But we're just totally honest with you guys.

Welcome to the Naked Mary Marriage Podcast, led by Hope you're not listening, mom.

And dad, because that was Ashley Willis.

Who'S taught this same stuff in middle school.

I did not get this specific at all.

Talk about this at the Christian middle.

School, I talked about waiting and how sex is a gift, but this is like, we're married people. We can talk about it.

Oh, yeah. I'm glad we can. We can not just talk about it. We can do it.

Oh, my gosh. And on that note, guys, we hope you tune in next time for our even our producers. Like, this is ridiculous. Sorry, Eric. You guys can tune in next time.

For.

Tune in next time for the next two toxic behaviors to avoid in marriage. So stay tuned next week. We'll see you next time.