How I Overcame My Worst Fear & Anxiety

Your next level of life, love, income, abundance, joy, lives on the other side of your biggest fear. Welcome to the Dean Graziosi show. All success starts right here. Sometimes that fear, that obstacle, that pain. We didn't even realize that we built this, like, barricade, like, oh, I'm doing all this stuff and running fast, getting it done. And this thing is just living there. It's like, almost like a. Like a dim light. And you know it's there, but you're not looking into it because it's painful. And I'm gonna encourage you to look into it, to take on your biggest fear head on. But I'm gonna give you a new way, a new framework that'll change that forever. And I'm gonna share it through my own personal experience. Again, the toughest thing of my entire life. Let me just read you this. It's how to get expert exponential results, right? The thing that scares you the most is the dragon that you need to slay. Use this tool to solve a big problem in your life or overcome something you're afraid of. Use the example and share it, just like I'm going to share it with you. You can use those tools in any way possible that you feel makes the biggest impact for the people you're teaching. So I want to share. Before I get to the tool itself, I want to share the circumstance. So I've faced losing all my money. I faced my parents being married nine times between them when I was a kid. Imagine that. My mom five times, My dad four times. I faced a dad who had a tough time dealing with a divorce that got really mad sometimes and scared us without doing it on purpose. It just did. Great guy. I moved in with my dad and ended up living in a bathroom with him for about six months because the only place we could plug in a little electric heater. I faced all things just. If you have, you have. I faced lots of things. I faced being sick. I faced having surgery when I was little, almost died. Faced all those things in comparison. Nothing is even close to what I faced a few years ago that almost crippled me. I thought it was going to take me off my feet. I thought I was going to be out of the game. I thought I made it to, like, 50 years old, uh, like, on fire. And then all of a sudden, something snapped and I was done. I was having anxiety. I never had anxiety in my life. I've been anxious, but I didn't even know what anxiety was. I was having anxiety attacks. I wouldn't get in elevators. I was afraid to get on a plane. Uh. I couldn't think straight. I was. Times I wanted to run out of a room, I. I was obsessing on. On so many things, on. On what could go wrong in my life. And. And I'll tell you what it was. I went through a divorce. I. And I'm not trying to be disrespectful here, but my ex and I knew our relationship was over a long time ago, but we both were so in love with our children. Just like you. I don't love my kids more than you do, but you know how it is. But especially with my circumstances as a child, Being a product of nine marriages, always out of control, never having stability, knowing what it feels like to feel alone or have terrible step parents and all that. I just didn't want to give that to my kids. But then when it was like I knew the divorce was happening and I moved out, I was handling okay. And then one day I walked up the stairs in the house I was living in, and my daughter's shoes were there, but she wasn't. And I snapped into a panic, anxiety attack. Now, you might be thinking, oh, my God, Dean, you're telling me all this personal stuff. What's this got to do with me? Stick with me. Stick with me here. This transformed my life. This will transform whatever fear, obstacle, or thing you're dealing with, I promise. This exercise, the how to get exponential results exercise, will change everything. So stick with me here. So I have this, and I'm going through now I'm going through months of panicking, and guess what's happening? I'm just stacking all the things that could go wrong in my life. I want to share with you what I wrote down as the problem or the worries I was having over my children. This is what was causing anxiety. This was what's causing me to have fear. This was causing me to have havoc in every area of my life. It's causing me not to sleep. I stopped working out for the first time in 15 years. I was looking at the glass half empty. And these were the problems. Negative talk. I was afraid with me and my ex splitting up, that she would talk bad about me to my kids no matter what I did. And it would fracture the relationship I have with them. It would fracture them that they had to be one person with their mom and one person that I had to be that my whole childhood with my kids. I thought about that non stop, the negative talk that they might hear that the kids would be fractured. I thought about my travel and Work. I travel a lot. I'm thinking, if we have. If we're not talking, we have designated days. I travel for three days, I get back. What if it's not my time and I don't see him for another three or four days? I could go a whole week and not seeing them and seeing their faces and making them. I mean, I'm an engaged dad to the factor. I made breakfast every single day for them. I help them get ready for school every single day. I pick them up three or four days a week from school. I coach little league. I coach softball. I'm not the pat on the head dad. I'm just not. Doesn't make me better than anybody watching, but that's who I am. All of a sudden, I felt like that was going away. Their core values. I worked really hard on having Sunday meetings. And I say, me, I'm not being selfish. Like, my ex didn't do anything. I'm just looking through my eyes right now. Every Sunday was a family meeting where I would instill core values and how to overcome obstacles and how to handle things with compassion rather than anger. I'm like, what if that all goes away? Another one is putting the kids in the middle. My parents put the kids in the middle every time. Every time. And I'm like, I won't. What if she does? What if she puts the kids in the middle? And it's the worst feeling in the world as a kid, you don't know where to go. And then you exit and become close to your friends and your friends family because yours is so freaking crazy. I worried about that. I stacked it time with kids again. Same thing. I was with them so much and now I got to split my time in half. Am I going to be on my deathbed and think I gave up half of the time I could be with my kids? I thought about hard timelines. Summer vacation, summer vacation. Oh, my God. Every year for 45 days, we. We live in Phoenix where it's. The desert gets so hot. We go to San Diego and on the beach for 45 days. And I would work during the day, but I'd get up in the morning and work till about one and then I'd be with the kids and we play on the dig sandcastles and surf and play paddle ball and it's the high point of the year. Now it's going to be gone. How would we do that? How would we make that happen? I'm going to ruin summer vacations. Say how my kids see me. Like, well, they look at their dad as like a quitter or someone who didn't, who abandoned them. I talked to money, you know, you get divorce can be ugly. Especially when there's a lot of money involved. The money missing them, one of the biggest parts, I just missed them. They were the only love I had had. My ex and I, we became friends, but we didn't have love. So I got probably too much of my love for my kids. Now half the time I wouldn't have that love. And then dating, how complicated is that going to be to bring someone new? And then communication. What if she doesn't want to talk now? All of those things were driving me insane. They were literally driving me insane. They were, I was thinking, obsessing on all those things that could go wrong now that could be happening to you in any area of your life. If I fire this one employee, that's driving me nuts. If I quit my job, if I tell my parents I want to get out of college and do my own thing. If I want to go from being the mechanic to the mechanic teacher, if I want to go from being the aerobics teacher to the aerobics mastermind, like all those things, think about all the things that are making you scared or afraid or you're fearful of and write them down. You could stop this at any moment, pick the topic and write them down. You have my example, but do it in any area of life with the thing you're afraid of the most. Now once you're done with that, and I hope you did that, the next thing is I started, I'm a solution oriented person and the next thing I started thinking about is solutions. Gotta fix this. Going nuts. So solutions I started working on. I was meditating, I went and took a TM class and I was doing TM meditation on a daily basis. I was starting yoga, I was getting massages once a week. I was doing exercise. I was making sure I got back into the gym and I was doing cardio. Get the heart rate up, get blood flowing. I was journaling. I journaled every night, every single night. I journaled good days, bad days. Every single day. No matter what. I went and saw my partner and dear friend Tony. I jumped on a plane and went to his house, spent the whole day there. I, I need some Tony Robbins. Love. Help me. I'm freaking going nuts. I went and saw my buddy Dr. Daniel. Amen. Love Daniel. Amen. He's such a great guy. He dropped everything and spent time with me and was so impactful. I talk to a Therapist every week named Annie Lala. Annie is the wife of a dear friend of mine and she's unbelievable. She's like a love coach. Everything she looked through is compassion and love. And she helped me so much. I had books, I read books, I listened to interviews, I tried to work harder, I tried to accept the pain. I overcompensated in other areas. Now I did all those things to squash. All those things are in the problem section I listed. Now go up to the possible solutions. And all of those were possible solutions and they were moving the needle a little bit and it wasn't getting me there quick enough. I have to be honest, I saw years of pain, I saw years of turn turbulence, I saw years of not getting through this and. And I'm obsessive. This is what I do for a living. I started thinking, how faster, quicker, how can. I started thinking exponentially because it's exponential results. Everything I do in my life has to be exponential. I don't have time for normal. I need to do one thing that accomplishes a lot. I need to make one action accomplish a lot. I do a video, I want to put it on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, transcribe it, but get quotes. One thing that solves a lot. How do I solve this? I kept thinking, how do I solve this? I'm going to go crazy, I'm going to crack up. And all the fears of my kids, it wasn't feeling right. How dare, how could I date and move on? I started thinking about, could there be one thing that could solve all of that? I was like, that's a pretty good thought process. How do I solve negative talk, fracturing kids, my travel and work time with the kids, kids in the middle, their values, hard timeline, summer vacation, missing them all. I saw that, could there be one thing? And the day I discovered it was like, think about this. My ship was in port, wasn't really happy, but there wasn't a lot of movement. It was in a little bay, it was moving a little and everything was fine. But over to the right was a hurricane, a storm just whipping up the roughest seas in the world. And I knew the only way I could get from here was to the next level of life, is I had to take my ship out of the bay and go into the storm. And I went into the damn storm. And I didn't think I was going to live and I thought the waves were going to crash me. And the day I discovered the one thing that could solve all of it, my ship was on the other side of the storm and I was in paradise. It wasn't just an okay Bay. It was the next level of life. I woke up. I can feel it right now. I woke up and everything had changed forever. Everything. Everything changed forever. Once I discovered the one thing and this circumstance, the one thing was becoming friends with my ex wife. No matter what it took, that was the solution that solved every one of the problems I have written down in Problems or worries. Everyone could be solved. No negative talk. The kids won't get fractured. I don't have to worry about my travel. I can keep the core values. The kids won't be in the middle. I'll have time with the kids. There won't be hard timelines. We could figure out. Summer vacation. Money won't be an issue. Missing them won't be a problem. Dating, no worries. I'll tell her about it and we can communicate. When I saw that, I'm like, that's it. Everybody screws that up. Then the opposite part is how do I make sure that becomes a reality if the 1:1 thing is being her friend? Now my whole obsession is not all the things to solve the problems. My one obsession, my obsession is how do I obsess on that one thing to make it a reality. And that's when I went to active listening. No matter what she said, even if I didn't agree, I actively listened. I let her know I didn't keep score. I had no ego. I had unconditional support. I don't take things personal. I make sure she feels safe. I talk great about her to everybody, the kids and everybody I run into. I promise I would never talk negative about her. All always. I'll always consult on any decision I make with the kids. It's a big decision. I'll be her friend. Not just lip service. They were the solutions to make the one thing happen. And guess what? That's all I focused on. That's all I obsessed on. Even when I was frustrated with her. Doesn't mean it was her fault or mine. I went and was frustrated with her. Active listening. This is. I need to make her my friend because that one thing solves everything. I'd like to share with you right now. I'm in the best relationship of my life. I'm madly in love. I'm in my 50s. I'm madly in love. For the first time ever. Life has changed forever because of this exercise. I had a woman say her biggest problem was she was afraid to be on camera. She was afraid, she felt nervous, she wasn't good Enough. She listed all the things on why, and her business couldn't grow without her being on camera. And then she went to the next thing, possible solutions. And she took video classes. She watched things on YouTube. She was trying to find her confidence. She was meditating. She was doing all this stuff to find her power. When we thought through it, you ready for this? You know what it was? You know what? The one thing was to get her husband to support her. Every time she was going to do videos, he'd make fun of her, tell her she looked heavy on camera, she looked insecure on camera. He didn't know how bad he was hurting her. Our whole thing was, how do you get your husband to support you? We got him to a next meeting. He got on board. All those other problems went away. She's crushing it on camera. She never thought in a million years that the one thing was that until she did this exercise. So I was open enough to share my heart, to share the pain I went through so someone else could use it as an example. And I'm going to encourage you to do the same. I want you to go through this exercise if you think you need to get better on Facebook ads. You think I just got to learn Facebook ads? Maybe it's because you don't have the time to. To do the things that you should be doing to make the extra money so you can cut a check and hire the perfect person to do it for you. Like, there's always deeper, a deeper level. And here's what I know. The more I do this, the more I always discover there's one thing that you can do. And guess what? There's one thing that the people learning from you can do. To have exponential results, to conquer their biggest fear, navigate new territory, and go to the next level of life. If you like today's podcast, then you're going to love being a part of my texting community. What's that mean? You could text me right now at 480-400-9019 or it should be below right here. And it comes directly to my phone, doesn't go to my team. It comes to me. I've been absolutely loving the interaction. I send out some cool things about once a week. I text nothing but things to get your week going, to get your mind thinking. And when we have new videos and things like that, I always text my community first. It has absolutely been a blast, and I'd love for you to do it right now. Text me. 480-40-0090 19. Do it, text me.