How To Get What You Want

What do we want? We must identify it. We must know where we want to go. We must know what success really means to us. And we have to sell ourselves on that every single day. Welcome to the Dean Grazios Show. All success starts right here, right? So it's time to set the foundation for that next level. So if you know that starting point, the next part is your journey is to know the destination. And in this next section, I want you to think about where we want to be in our lives, what we really want to achieve. And I want to tell a little story here. You see, you've heard what I'm about to tell you before. You probably heard it a lot of times. Most of the times in life, our brain defaults. I said this earlier. To what we don't want. I don't want this job anymore. I don't want to make the money. I don't want to have lack of time. I don't want to work for these people. I don't want to be in a toxic relationship. I don't want to be unhealthy anymore. I don't. I don't. I don't. Our brain just defaults to that. Listen, this isn't something I'm guessing. For years, I did an event on stage once a month in Las Vegas. For years. And I'd bring people up on stage and I'd say, okay, okay. We'd go through this little process, and I'd get two whiteboards and I'd bring them over to one and. And I'd say, okay, tell me what you don't want out of life. And, oh, my God, it was like they recorded it. Like, I don't want this. I couldn't write fast enough, right? And then I would break their pattern in the middle, and I would get them out of the seat next to the one whiteboard, bring them over to another seat and sit them down and say, okay, now tell me what you want. And I'd go to the board like, what do you really want out of life? And they'd be like, I don't want this job. I'm like, no, no, no. That goes on that whiteboard over there. I want to know what you want. And I had two answers that happened all the time. You know what those two answers were? Wow, that's a really good question. Or, can you give me a few minutes to think about it? I did this for over three years every month. And that was always the case. There was never anyone that was as quick on what they wanted as what they didn't want. Because at the end of the day. Did you ever hear that story about the long road in a place where winter happened and snow and ice and on this mile stretch of road. I read this someplace. I don't. Ages ago there was one tree. And that one tree was so scarred up and beat up, so many people had hit that one tree. Why on this road with so much field, why'd they hit that one tree? Because when it was icy and people weren't, you know, in control, they'd stare at the tree and go, I'm not hitting it. I'm not hitting it. I'm not hitting it. I'm going to miss. Oh my God, I hit the tree, right? And maybe it was made up, maybe it was a parable, but it was. It's so true. In life, we don't realize that we end up getting exactly what we focus on. And if you're focused on the fact that there's no intimacy in your relationship, you're focused on what is lacking rather than the way you can achieve it. If you're focused on the lack of revenue, the lack of your business working, the lack of the marketing, the more you focus on it, the more we bring that into our lives. And, and I know most of you know that most of you heard it. I'm encouraging you to let it sink in. Today I want to tell you a story that always comes up in my mind when I think about this. On how it's really put into play. I have a dear friend and a partner on a business. Just an incredible guy. His name is Ethan. He's the father of eight. Yes, he is my inspiration. He is the father of eight. He is the oldest or in the middle of six. So he's from six. He has eight. His brothers and sisters have six children. It's amazing. And he just seems to elegantly pull it all off. Great businessman, he's a church leader. He's an incredible dad, incredible husband, just a good dude. And that's the kind of people I like to surround myself with. Long story short, they did a church group trip with the 17, 15, 17 year old young men of the group and a bunch of dads and him. They go white water rafting in Colorado. Now I, I don't know much about white water rafting, but maybe you could correct me if I'm wrong. They rate the rabbits like 1 through 5, right? If they're flat, it's a 1. If it's crazy and it rained and they're rough, it's a Five, right? So he gets there and it rained for like, three days straight. And he said, talk about being nervous. You're responsible for other kids. Like, you don't want to face parents if something sideways happened, right? So he gets there, and he's like, there's no way we're going out in these boats. He tells the other dads, like, let's do the camping thing, cookout, but we're going to nuke this. He said, until the instructor comes out, he says, dads, take a deep breath. Everything's going to be fine. Boys, get in the raft, and I'm going to tell you a little lesson. So the instructor, he said, was probably 50 years old, little gray hair, just wanted. You could picture the guy, like the rafting guy, in good shape and got the cool watch on. That can go under the water. I visualize all this, right? And he says to the kids, he goes, let me tell you, we're going to be just fine today. Yeah, the rapids are really high. They're a four out of five. But we're going to crush this and have so much fun. And you know what's going to keep us safe? The positive point, he said to the boys, guys, when I first started, he said I was a little naive. I thought I was protecting the people in my raft. And we'd be going down the river, and I'd see a rock that we were going towards, and I'd say, everybody, don't hit that rock right there, that one. And he said, everybody would look and boom, they'd hit the rock and flip over. Or he'd see a tree that fell, and he'd go, oh, my God, that tree wasn't there last week. Everybody see the tree, try to steer away from that tree, and everybody look at the tree, they'd hit the tree and flip over. He said, I don't know. It took me a little while, boys, to realize that the positive point means wherever I point, do not focus on anything else except the direction of which I point, and you paddle your guts out in that direction, I promise we'll be fine all day. Because if you focus where we want to go, I don't care if we're an inch away from the rock, an inch away from the tree, an inch away from this high rapid, we will miss it. Because all of our energy is focused on where we want to go, not where we don't want to go. And Ethan told me that story probably seven years ago, and it sticks in my head every single day. What a powerful lesson that was. Learned in real life. So many of us guys, without realizing, are pointing at what we don't want, and we've been pointing at it too long. The next 12 months of our lives, we got a point. We got to create the positive point in our life. What do we want? We must identify it. We must know where we want to go. We must know what success really means to us. And we have to sell ourselves on that every single day. That's how we get from where we are to where it is that we truly want to go is first identify. Yes, we're going to be building the bridge to get there through this course. But if you don't know what that destination is, you are the Ferrari going hundreds of miles an hour, going down roads that you don't know a destination. So that's why we're going to figure out our exact thing that we want out of life, our destination. Now, let me go into this next piece here. This is the part that I think is so crucial in today's crazy, busy world, when we think about setting goals. I believe now goal setting has been around since the beginning of time. And Benjamin Franklin did it like crazy. And then when you get into Earl Nightingale and Dale Carnegie and all the old greats, right? Goal setting is so much, you know, so powerful. It's the foundation of all success. But I didn't think they. I don't think they forecasted. I was looking for my phone. I think it's over there. I think they forecasted how busy we all got, how crazy it is. How many of you. Some days you think about, you want to set goals. And a week goes by, three weeks go by, and like, each day you're like, I need to set those damn goals today. But, like, you made it another day to your pillow. It's like, oh, I'll set the goals tomorrow. I'm just so happy I made it here alive, right? Like, we're so busy in so many ways and so many things are occupying our time. I think goal setting in today's world is harder than it's ever been. Now I'm going to date myself, and half of you or most of you won't remember this, but there used to be a cartoon called the Roadrunner when I was a kid. And the Roadrunner, I watched it all the time. It was like, beep, beep, and it would go really fast. Maybe you've seen it on a commercial or something. Some of you are smiling. You remember the Roadrunner. In the Roadrunner cartoon, there was the Tasmanian devil and that thing would spin so fast it would be like, you'd hear like the turbines spin and there'd be dust around them. I believe in today's world we are all Tasmanian devils and there is a complete dust cloud around us. And seeing where we want to go, that destination, it's almost impossible. We're trying to look, to set our goals, trying to look forward and all we see is dust and chaos and another thing to occupy our time. And we're trying to squeeze in writing a couple notes. This is the part that I think will change that for you. This is what I do, so I'm encouraging you to do. In our first section of this, we identified the truth. Now we're going to pretend that it's one year from today. Instead of looking forward to what we want to achieve, I really want you to think about this. Instead of looking forward to what we want to achieve, I want us to pretend it's one year from today and we extract ourselves out of the road. The Tasmanian devil dust cloud. We extract ourselves out of it and we fast forward one here and plop back down. And now we're not looking forward to where we want to go, we're looking backwards. And I want you to pretend we're going to take a little break here and do this. I want you to pretend that it's the best year of your life. Not going to be. Hear me out. You're not writing down what would be the best year of your life. You're writing down it was the best year of your life. And for it to be the best year, year of your life, what has to be true for one year from today? We're back here celebrating. We're doing a one year anniversary party. You're looking backwards. It was the best year of your life. Like, here's what I'm talking about. The best year of your life. You walk in a room and your girlfriends are like, damn, what did she do? Is that hair? She'd go on vacation and get tanned, she'd lose 10 pounds. Like, you know, when you just radiate, when you're feeling alive, when you're feeling in flow, when you just embody confidence and success because things are going right. You know that feeling? I want you to picture that's how you're walking into every room. Not walking in, like, who? I'm here. You're walking in. Everybody's going, who's that? Right? You just feel it. Like thoughts are coming to you in a great way. You're not afraid to take that uncomfortable Action. You're doing the practice when no one's watching. You're being. You're observant of your surroundings. You're helping other people. You're being a role model and a leader. What has to be true for it to be the best year of your life? You see, if you could put yourself in that place, Remember? And I'm again not telling you something you don't know. Your brain doesn't know the difference. Your body doesn't know the difference about actually experiencing it or visualizing it. If you visualize that strong enough, your body will release the hormones. It goes, oh, my God, this feels amazing. Because we're believing it. If you believe it will be the worst year of your life, it will be. If you can look through the lens as your best year of your life, it can be. That's the start. That's one of the big secrets. That doesn't seem like a secret. That's the little hinge that swings a big door. So what I want you to think about is what have you been pointing at that doesn't serve you? What trees have you been pointing out? What rocks have you been pointing out? Let's get the positive point. But to get the positive point, we need that compelling future. We need our lighthouse, right? Lighthouses in the east coast, that in Maine and New Hampshire, all the Massachusetts, the light towers, what do they do? They guide the ships in. We need our own lighthouse. And what our lighthouse is, is our compelling future. And sometimes we can't see our compelling future because there's too much fog between us and the lighthouse. So we must look, step out of the fog and look back and decide what is that compelling future?

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