How to Heal Resentment In Relationships

Stop apologizing and stop hiding who you really are and who you're meant to be. Hey, it's Dean Graziosi. Welcome back to the Own youn Future podcast behind the Scenes, where we chat a little bit, seven to 10 minutes, about the guests from the prior week or something they brought up that just had everybody going nuts. Our guest last week was Lisa Billew. Her and her husband, Tom Bilyeu built quest bars and did pretty well on the way out. And now they're building other amazing things. They're an incredible couple, incredible team, and someone to follow. And Lisa's interview was pure fire. We ended up talking mostly about relationships because, heck, if you have fulfillment without joy, fulfillment, I mean, can fulfillment happen without real joy? Can fulfillment and success actually happen without real relationships in your life? The answer is no. So we went down this rabbit hole that was so powerful. If you didn't see it, make sure you do. And when you're done, share it with someone who needs it. Again, thank you for making this one of the top podcasts in the world. I do this for you. I don't put any advertising on here. I don't do this to make money. I do it to interview amazing people and get you answers to questions you might have, ones I wish I had when I was starting out, not how to figure it out on my own. So thank you. And again, if someone you know needs this message, forward it onto. So let me go quick. We're gonna do this here in five or six minutes. Is Lisa brought up this time in her life when she had to do something for herself? Have you ever felt you're living your life for somebody else? The great PTA mom, The go to person at your job, support your spouse in a way that lifts him or her up so they feel amazing. Take care of the kids, take care of your parents, take care of so many people around you. All good stuff. Not telling you to stop. But you ever get to a point in your life where you're doing all those things and you look in the mirror and go, when the hell is it my turn? When is it me? Yeah, me too. Right? We've all been through that. But. But here's where frustration can build. Frustration can build. When you feel that way and you're not expressing it, you're not getting after it. So you might be frustrated with your significant other because you're holding back who you're meant to be to fuel their life, or you may be even a little frustrated being a parent. I love my kids more than life. But you can be frustrated sometimes and still love them more than life because you're giving so much to them. What about you? When is it going to be your time? When are you going to start or stop hiding who you're meant to be? When are you going to voice the journey you really want to take? Doesn't mean you leave anybody behind. Just means when's it your turn. So I thought her interview was so good because she spent eight years now her and her husband Tom are amazing couple. My wife Lisa and I look up to them. We look over to them. We, we love when we spend time with them because they're such a power couple. They do amazing things in the world, they do amazing things for other people. But they're really tight when it and bonded together. So you want to model stuff like that, right? Well, I got the scoop on how do you balance being an independent person in a relationship while simultaneously being connected and have real love? Not always easy. You go off and do your own thing. Sometimes you get distance from your spouse and you don't feel connected. The intimacy goes away and it could end in a bad way. And sometimes you'd separate work and life and you just have a relationship but they don't really know what's going on in your life. How do you mix both of those now to tell you? There was a time in her life where Lisa spent eight years taking care of Tom as a stay at home wife while they were building Quest bars. You know, any store you go in the States, you see a Quest bar, that's them, right. So she spent eight years being the supportive, loving wife and one day she couldn't take it anymore and she just had to tell him. And she said, I don't want to cook every day, I don't want to wash your laundry and do your underwear and fold socks. I don't want to do that. I have these aspirations, I have these desires, I have these dreams. She was starting to build resentment against him for the things she was doing and she never told him she didn't want to. She shared, she's brought up Orthodox Greek, old school Greek dad, you take care of your husband, you support him. But she had her dreams and goals. Here's the cool part. When he shared, I'm sure it was a little bit of a shock but he loves his wife and I'm sure the person you're with or if you're in a relationship loves you too and wants you to live into your full potential. And what she found is when she shared it with him, he was in total shock, had no idea, wants to support his wife. But they found a balance. They crafted a plan so she could live into who she's meant to be now, he said. She said it was a little uncomfortable at first and sometimes she got into. When she started doing her own thing and started doing business and running, a bunch of people started getting into her masculinity and she'd bring that masculinity home and he'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, chill. I need my soft, feminine wife. She was like, he's right there. And they did this balancing act. She said she'd come home, take off all her jewelry and put her hair down and put on comfy clothes and she'd get into more softer version of herself. Now why am I telling you about their story? Because I don't know where you are. But you know, not that long ago, we just got done with the Own youn Future challenge that Tony Robbins and myself did with some great guests. And we had hundreds and hundreds, over 500,000 women alone registered for that event. And one of the things that was in the chat nonstop was, I need to do me. I need to lean into who I'm meant to be. Stop serving everybody else. It doesn't have to be black or white. It doesn't have to be, I'm going to do me and I have to abandon everything I've done. And maybe this is just a little nudge to say, go. Do you communicate, share, be brave, be vulnerable, talk to your significant other, talk to your family, talk to the people in your life and say, I need the real me to come out because it screams and if I don't, I'm going to build resentment. I'm going to be mad. We might. It won't end in the right way. I just need your help in this transition. And they crafted a slow transition plan. She was cooking for them five days a week and then three days a week. And then they found someone to help as they started getting more successful and they got someone to help. But she started working and contributing and now Lisa is this powerful, amazing woman. You know, number one best selling author, she's got a kick ass podcast, she's doing so many incredible things. She's launching a, a comic series for 14 year old girls to help them feel more confident at a younger age. She is doing amazing things. Guess what, so is Tom. And guess what, so is their relationship. But if she didn't, she would have exploded. She would have hated him, she would have had resentment and she never would have given her gift to the world. So maybe today's the day you craft the plan to stop hiding your gift, stop apologizing for who you're meant to be, and let the real you come out. Thanks so much for being a part of the Own youn Future podcast. Behind the Scenes edition. If you didn't watch that interview with Lisa, go watch. It is pure fire. And when you're done, share it with someone who needs it, because you know someone who will subscribe. Make sure you leave me a comment on what you think. This podcast is truly a passion project, and I do it to help serve. So if this hit you in any way, know that we don't advertise, we don't make money on this one. We do this for you. So share it. That's how you can help us. And we'll see you next week.