How To Make Work-Life Balance Work

Welcome to this very special edition of the Dean Graziosi Show. In today's turbulent, uncertain, somewhat scary times, you need capabilities now more than ever. To thrive, to start the business, to be secure when things change. To balance being a mom, a dad, a husband, a wife, someone who wants to start the business or transcend or shift their career. How do you fit all this in? While simultaneously the inner self doubt is telling you this isn't the right time. You're an imposter. Well, I sat down with my dear friend Jenna Kutcher. If you don't know Jenna, this is an amazing young lady who by all outside world opinions was successful because she went to college and got a job. But one day she woke up in her cubicle with no window and said, this is not happiness, this is not success. I can't take it. She bought a camera off of Craigslist or eBay for $300 and started a wedding photography business.

She ended up being one of the.

Best wedding photographers in her state. But then she took it to a whole other level and entered the digital economy, the information age, and started teaching other women how to be in business, how to run successful wedding photography businesses, and how to go to another level. Now Jenna runs a seven figure information business. She has a vacation house in Hawaii, one up in the mountains on the lake. She works from home. She's an amazing mom, connected, an amazing wife. Their family is fantastic. Their business is thriving. So who better than Jenna and myself to sit down and deliver you capabilities? This was a very special five part series we were doing for another project. But because the world has shifted and because you need this information now, over the next few weeks, we're going to be releasing all of them. I suggest you don't miss a single word. You grab a notebook, grab a pen. Because the dynamic of man and woman, different generations from different backgrounds, but all with the same desire to serve, impact and have freedom and success for ourselves.

Make these some of the best interviews of my life. Now, without further ado, let's get to.

The Jenna and Dean podcast series. Welcome to the Dean Graziosi show.

All success starts right here. All right, so we're here and going to talk about the balance between, between work and family and life. Like how do you balance it all? I think one of the biggest questions I ever get is either if you had to start over, what would it be? And the second one just equally asked as much as how do you do it all? Because you said it before and like Beyonce has 24 hours in a day we have 24 hours a day. People watching have 24 hours in a day. And I think it's a really great question. I think it's one that I'd love to discuss, like, real and raw, because I shared this with you, and I'll share it with everybody. Listening and watching is I'm on the.

Go so much, and I'm on so much. Like, I'm on stage, then I'm on.

Camera, then I'm on a podcast, I'm.

On an interview, then I'm doing my.

Own training that I just want to.

Deliver value really fast.

And sometimes I know it can come across, like, just do this, and this will make it, and this will go, and it leaves out. Or this will work. It leaves out the struggles along this journey.

Right.

And I think what's great about what we're doing is sharing the struggles so everybody knows they're human. Yeah. So how do you have. We started this out? Like, what do you think is your biggest struggle in balancing a growing business, a new mom, you know, being a wife and having a husband and just keeping that all in check.

Yeah. Well, I think the idea of balance is the biggest struggle, because I don't ever think that things will be fully balanced. I think that in life, like, your focus is always going to be towards one thing, and as long as you can acknowledge that this is a season where this is priority. But, I mean, the hardest part about being a new mom is that I feel like when I'm working, I'm thinking about my baby, and when I'm with my baby, I'm thinking about work, and I'm never as a dad.

I do, too. Yeah.

And I just feel like I want to sell the dream that you can do it all, and I believe that you can. I believe women can be an amazing mom and rock an amazing career. But I also think that that has to go with, like, an asterisk of, like, and it's not gonna be easy.

Yeah. You know, so I feel the same way. And even as a dad. So right now, my husband and my son are upstairs playing video games.

Right. While the baby sleeps.

While the baby sleeps. Thank God, because I would literally be sitting here because we're doing this interview at my house, he's off for school, and he's with me. Today, I literally would be feeling. I'm not kidding you. I'd be guilty right now doing this and not spending time with him. But if I spent all day with him, I'd be guilty as hell that you and I didn't do this interview and make an impact and have this great conversation.

So, dad, guilt is a thing. We talk about mom guilt all the time.

Dad, guilt's a real thing. And I don't know. I don't want to. Yes. It's definitely. At least in my life. Yeah, for sure. And you. I love that we had these conversations and you said something that I wanted to elaborate on, but you were in the middle of something. I didn't want to distract you. But what we focus on gets better.

Right.

If your husband's in great shape, he obviously focuses on exercise and working out.

Right.

If you guys have a great relationship or someone has a great relationship or their business is doing good, that business is getting focused.

Right.

And I think one of the biggest things you said is what we're all chasing the horizon. We're all chasing something that doesn't exist. Like you can run west as fast as you can. You'll never get to the horizon. It's always going to be setting in front of you. I think I know at least this is with me. And if I'm wrong for you guys listening or watching, that's okay. But I believe that there's been times in my life where I've been upset with myself because I'm chasing to be in the best shape, that I have a love handle when I'm actually skinny. But I feel like I got a love handle and I wasn't perfect in my relationship. I didn't show up. I didn't. I didn't. I wasn't the right dad. I. I walked by my employees and I wasn't engaged with them. I barked like I think we're trying for perfection in all of them. And what it actually does is deflate us. And then we don't focus on any of them. At least this has been in my experience. And I think you're right. There's a season for each one. But. And this is where we could debate back and forth a few years on you is I'm in a place in my life right now that if you prioritize and I say no to a lot more things than I did in.

My 30s, which is crazy to me because I feel like you're.

I say no to so many things. I say no to people I say no to. I say no to everything that doesn't serve. Just a couple things in my life. To be a better man. That's probably not the top of it. Like to be a present father, to be a good man, my fiance and future wife, and to Serve the people that follow me and my company. And the truth is that's only three. Those three are my top priority. And if it doesn't fit in that it's mostly a no. Because here's what I know and let's talk about it. Because if I say no to more and more things, I get to say yes to the things that allow me to be good in shape. I'm not in perfect shape, but I'm 50.

I'm in good shape.

My relationship is amazing. I think I'm a great dad. Yeah, My companies are thriving. Like, I'm not trying to say I have it all. And is it work? Of course. But I didn't have that in my 30s. I didn't even have it in my 40s, but I do now. But at the same time, I have old friends that probably think, oh, he's too good for me now because he doesn't talk to me. But they're not part of my priority. I'm sorry. I say no to everything. I don't go to fundraisers anymore. I used to, like, go to fundraisers. I used to dress up. There's not a suit in my closet. If I have to wear a suit, I'm most. I'm buying a suit to get married, but I don't own a suit. Cause I don't like it and I don't do it and I don't apologize anymore. I have family that try to guilt me into seeing them. But when I go there, it's negative talk and it doesn't inspire my life. I don't go anymore. And as bad as that sounds, and I know we're just going all over the place here especially. Cause we had a glass of wine too, is I think, the answer to the opportunity. And if it takes, like, I'm happy that it hit me at 50, then I feel like I got a lot of them. If you're going to have the opportunity to have more of those chapters of your life, be congruent. Like, be thriving at the same time is you got to make the hard no decisions on what are the things that don't serve you. Like, what are you doing out of guilt? What are you doing out of old school repetition? What are you doing out of a hypnotic rhythm? Because your parents said it was smart to go to church for six hours, you know, twice a week. And you go, I only want to go for two hours on a Sunday. Like, that's who I am. Like, that's what I believe. That's when I believe you have the time to do it.

Well, I think, for me, like, time is my currency. I think money was my currency for a long time. And then I made money, and I was like, what does money allow me to get back?

Time.

So now, like, when I look at how I spend money, it's all about saving time. Like, I will order things from Amazon. I will pay a housekeeper. I will, you know, do these things to get back my time. And when I was. When I found out we were pregnant and it seemed like the pregnancy was going to stay for the first time, I was like, I'm going to do something radical. And I blacked out my entire year this year, literally. I had not a single obligation on the calendar.

That's amazing.

Not one speaking thing, not one retreat, not one mastermind, nothing. And I think for a lot of people, that would be terrifying, right? I mean, it was kind of scary, but I was like, if I. Like, if time is my currency, I want to only make decisions because they're the right decision at that time. And I didn't know what being a mom would be like. Like, I didn't know if I'd want to travel or if I'd want to be home. I didn't know if I'd feel ready to leave the baby or if I'd want to bring her with. And, like, so. So balance to me is like, yeah, it's protecting your best yeses and saying no. Like, if it's like a maybe, it's a no. You know? How do you think you get to that point, though, of, like, knowing what is a yes and a no?

One is not caring what other people think, but really not caring. Not pretending you don't care. Right? Cause there's people who pretend they don't care, and then it bugs them. And I don't. I lost that. Like, I don't care. Like, if I make a decision, it's right, because. So I. I heard something a long time ago that helps me when I go shopping, or used to. If you don't love it in the store, you'll never wear it. As a girl, you probably know that. And as a guy, like, duh, why don't you tell more guys? Like, if you don't absolutely love it in the store, you won't go. And I feel like the. If it's a maybe, it's a no. Like, we got invited this weekend to go to Chicago. I have a dear friend of mine who's going to. It's like one of the top richest. It doesn't matter. One of the richest, wealthiest men in America. He's throwing a ten year anniversary party. My fiance's friends with the family and my friend John is also going. And it's like, you know who's gonna be there? And I really thought through it. And there's that one thing that excites. I don't care to meet any, like, I don't personally care about a celebrity. I don't care to, to, to get the like Instagram shot.

Yeah.

I will hide when I go there.

Yeah.

And I'll probably have to go buy a suit because I don't have one in my closet.

None of that sounds good.

And not one of it sounds good. And it's just an absolute no. And, And I know 10 years ago, maybe 20 years ago, I would have dreamed to be invited to this place. Right. But it's an absolute no. And the. That's just one of many things I say no to, mostly everything because I want to be in better shape. I want to have a better relationship with my children. Like they're 10 and 12. My daughter's going to be 13 in six months. I know what teenage years are. Not that she's going to rebel, but I know the distance. It's time for her friends. It's time to explore who she is as a woman. And I want to fuel all that. So, like, I'm going to digress here for a minute is I have a really good friend who's 10 years older than me. And he said, just realize this with your daughter when she was born, before my son was even born, he said she's not going to really understand summer vacations until she's about 4 or 5, and then she'll be really fun. Until then she's just dependent on you. And then when she's 14, she is going to have her friends with her on summer vacations. So he said to me, dean. And he looked at me just like this. He went, Dean, you have 10 summers with your daughter. And he said it just like that. And I don't know if it hit you, but it like it punched me in the heart. And I'm like, 10 summers, every summer is gonna matter. Every summer I don't care. Like, nothing can get me to like, nothing. Like. And so it allows me to judge that. And I can make hard decisions fast now. And I swear to you I couldn't. You're more mature than me.

I'm just being honest.

In my 30s, I made decisions based on what could make me more successful. I hate that dude. But I'LL take his money to be a partner to buy that real estate. I don't like that guy. But I'll go to that party because I think I can meet somebody I can network with. And I made those decisions. I did. It took me a long time. And now I realize I wish someone would have shaken me in my 20s and said, Write down. Write now. Write down things that serve you.

Yeah.

And think through being 90, looking back, think through what serves what's really in your heart. What are your values? Like, shut up, man. What are your real values? Not the one that you have adopted from, like, what? I wish someone would have forced me that and I would have made a hell no list then.

Well, that's the thing. Like, you teach us. I teach us, like a not to do list. And I feel like nowadays we find value in doing. Like, I always make the joke. And I'm sure somebody said this before, but we're not human doings. We're human beings. And we're not being anymore. And it's so funny because when I started to write down the things I hated or the things I dreaded, and then I looked at the things I was committing to, I'm like, this is out of alignment. Like, yeah. And I am the kind of person where if there is something on my calendar three months from now and I already am dreading it, I will dread it for those three months. Like, it'll ruin now because I'm like, why did I say yes? And I just, I stopped saying yes.

You know, I'm proud of you.

But. Yeah, it is. It is. Well, and it's hard too, to say yes to, like. Like, we're about to leave for a month off. And I feel like as entrepreneurs, like, your brain starts spinning, like, is this gonna hold me back? Is this gonna derail me? Is this gonna freeze me? Is this gonna slow my growth? And it's like, man, I've learned that things happen even better when I'm off. Like, I get inspired again. I think again, I'm present again. It recalibrates me.

I need that because you get, and this is cliche, you get on the hamster wheel, but you do get sucked into the day to day and you stop being that visionary looking out to the future and you're looking at the day to day. So I would bet to say that your company has actually grown because of your time off.

I think so. So here's something interesting that I would love to discuss about balance, especially as a mom, is. I think moms are held to A different standard than dads are, specifically in the world of business. So we met in Puerto Rico. My daughter was 12 weeks old. Most women have gone back to traditional jobs by this point in the US And I said yes to Puerto Rico. I was only there for two days. I flew back so that I could fly with my daughter to California for a mother daughter trip. And I got flack for leaving her. And can you imagine as a dad having a 12 week old and people saying, how dare you leave your child behind because you're pursuing your business?

Wow. See that's. This is, this is why this is going to be great. I would never think through that. And I would be like mortified that someone would have the nerve to say.

That after being home for months on end, after sidelining everything, I decide to go on a three day trip for my business and I'm a bad mom. Isn't that crazy? But it's a double standard. And I think the thing that I appreciate about you and what I see in you and why I care about you is like, I see the kind of parent I wanna be in you. Even though we're different genders, even though we're in different roles. But man, like, I feel like I was talking to my mom about this and I was like, a man could go on a business trip and they can kind of disconnect from parenting a little bit more. Like, as a nursing mom, I was reminded every three hours that there is a child back at home waiting for mama, you know, and it's like this, you know, your brain is always where you're not, you know, and so balance, especially as a parent. But even when I wasn't a parent, balance was a challenge. But balance, I just feel like when you are in pursuit of something more, I don't think you'll ever be in balance.

More meaning, like just anything.

Business, life, dreaming bigger. I feel like you're always going to have to choose a priority somewhere.

You know, I don't know if I agree with that.

Okay, go.

Yeah. Because I'm always like. And maybe, maybe I misunderstood it, but like, I'm always obsessed with more.

Yeah, right. Yes, you are.

Like, you called me out big time. You and me and Lisa went to dinner after we, we did the biggest launch in the history of the Internet. Yeah, right. It was amazing. It was everything and it was, it hit my goals right on point. I, I set a goal a year in advance. I said we were going to do X and we did X. And soon as I was done, I celebrated for like 14 seconds, and I was on to what's next. No, no, tell me where you're going. Yeah, what are you doing? Right?

And I was like, I don't know.

We'll figure it out. And you, like, held me accountable. So I think there's a balance between the two. I get my drive out of what's next, but I get my drive out of what's next. Like, how can I be a better parent? I still read every third book. Every third or fourth book is a parenting book still. And I listen to books. Now I don't read because I'm terrible at reading still, but I listen to books. Every third or fourth book is a parenting book. I still. About twice a month, I still talk to a counselor on how to be a better dad because I have a fear of not being good dad. I still screw up royally as a father, but I want to be better and better. Like, right now. My relationship with my daughter. And I'm sorry, I'm digressing here.

No.

My relationship with my daughter is like, how you and I get along. No joke. We met. I told you. My fiance was like, I love her. That's a real person. I could tell. And she's got the best intuition. But I get along with you. Like, I get along with my daughter. Like, she's 12. I've only raised my voice with her probably three times since she was born. We have the easiest. Like, she's just a good kid. She makes smart decisions. I told her since she was 2, I'd drive her to school. I'd look in the rearview mirror, I'd say, what can you tell, dad? And her answer was, anything. And, like, to this day, she doesn't.

Lie to me about anything.

Like, you've got this great, easy relationship. And simultaneously with my son, and it's this. It's really. It's difficult. He's different. He challenges me every day. And I had a lot of, like, regret. Of, like, he would spin me up so much that I would snap and I'd yell or I'd say something rude or I'd send to his room. And I'm like, I'm not figuring out his puzzle.

Yeah.

So the reason I'm saying this and digressing here for a second is I make mistakes. We all do. As parents. You'll feel these moments. I promise you, you'll have a parenting moment. You'll walk out and go, oh, my God. Why did I handle it that way?

Yeah.

I never had those with my daughter. Now all of a sudden, I Got this son where I'm doing those once a month, right? So right now I'm obsessing on growing. And my. My. I got this from Shoe Dog, the book, because he talked about it with his son, is, I want to figure out the puzzle of my son. He's a little ocd. Everything's got to be like, I don't think the way he does, but I'm trying to look through his glasses.

Him and my husband will get along.

And I'm trying to grow as a man, as a father in him. But simultaneously, simultaneously, I want to grow my business and my. And everything we talked about nonstop. I'm obsessed with growth. I'm obsessed with my company growing. Like, I'm at 100 million. I want 200 million. I'm at 200 million. I want 400 million. I've done a billion dollars in sales. I want to do 5 billion, right? But I don't. I guess this is the thing. And I hope I'm not going down the wrong track here, because I had a glass of wine. I don't compromise what's important to me for my growth, and I know I did in my 20s and 30s and probably half of my 40s. I don't compromise being a parent, number one, being a good man and fiance and future husband, number one, being ethical and inspiring people with real tactics. And my team is my family. And number one, like, those four, Like, I don't compromise all of my health because I want to live a long time. Like, I don't compromise it. And I just think. And this is really, like, I'm a really.

I'm.

I talk my life out. Like, I find solutions by talking it. Not writing, not thinking, not planning. I talk out my. And as we're having this conversation, I realize one of the hardest things that people struggle with is saying no. And some. Dan Sullivan, strategic coach. Strategic coach said something one day, he's like, the. The accountant that got you out of Egypt might not be the accountant that takes you to the promised land. And what he meant was, the accountant that got you to 5 million a year, his capabilities might run out. When you go to 50 million a year, it doesn't make him a bad person. He just got you out of Egypt. Celebrate him. But now you need a new accountant that could take you to the promised land. And I adopted something a long time ago. And let's talk about this is, yes, get you out of Egypt, but no takes you to the promised land.

Yes, yes. That's 100%. I mean, I didn't stop shooting weddings until a year ago. Like, I kept saying yes to these things because I thought that's what I'm known for. That's what people that, that's where I got my start. That's how I show up in the world. I said yes to so many wrong things because I felt like I had to or like I was holding myself to a standard that was like no one else was holding me to that standard. And I didn't get real freedom until I started saying no. And dang, it feels good to say no. Like when you have something so important to back up your nose, yeses feel like you are lucky.

Okay, so let me ask you this.

Yeah.

You said no to what you knew. You knew in advance people would criticize you for going to Puerto Rico. Yeah, I know. You know, you're intuitive and you know your audience and you care about them so much. You knew maybe family and people that follow you would say, but you still said no to them. And you went to Puerto Rico. Right? But think about that trip. Think about changed everything, right? Think about our relationship, just us. You have that whole table, right? With that table. I called Ed. I called Ed Mylett and said, you need to get Jenna on your show. I called five. I. You don't even know. I called like five of my friends and said, you need to get Jen on your show. Like our business together, we got to impact people's lives with the knowledge business blueprint. We get to do this conversation right now. I'm only one of the people you met, so I'm not taking all this credit. But if you didn't say no to weddings, you wouldn't had a chance to go to Puerto Rico. If you didn't say no to what other people's beliefs on you because you're a woman, not a man. You still went, right? So this whole concept and I didn't know this, this episode would go down that direction. But what if no was really the thing that got you the yeses that you really want?

I think it is. I mean, when I, when I look at my calendar this year, I told people anywhere you see me showing up this year is because I want to, not because I have to.

Wow.

With a blacked out calendar, anything that you see me doing is only because I want to. And I think that's different because I think we're so used to over committing and you know, we're saying yeses and then we're just showing up to things because we said yes. But it's like I Can show up in any way this year. And the only reason I'm showing up is because I want to.

Yeah, but isn't that the. But it. Wouldn't that be the definition of success, like, if you would have asked your yourself 10 years ago? I'm only doing things that I want to do. Right. That's. I mean, that's my. That's my deepest. Why is I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it without anybody telling me how.

Right.

And you know, I hesitate talking about it because I talk about it so much. I talk about in my book and on stage. But one of the biggest needle movers of my life is a not to do list. It really is like. And we don't have to over talk about it. Just the fact of the matter is everybody has a to do list. And how's that working out for you? Like, you're trying to do it all and you go to bed at night and you feel like you did nothing. Like, how many times did you hustle all day? You're exhausted, you put your head on the pillow and you're like, damn it, I got nothing done. Because you're focused on what you were doing rather than just saying, no, I'm never doing that again. That's a habit that doesn't serve me. That brings negativity in my life. When you analyze it from that perspective, life changes forever.

I think if anyone listens to this, I think that the heart of it is that to be in pursuit of balance means to really protect your yeses, establish your nos, stand firm in those, but also to acknowledge that, like, you cannot be all things to all people. And like, when you show up and you stay in your lane and you focus on, like, your priorities, whatever they are, whether it's family or business or life or relationships or whatever that is, I feel like that's true balance. And I feel like when you can recognize the difference. Yes, the difference. That's when you've made it.

Yeah. And last thing I'll say is, just like you said, different seasons, right? Like, you have a baby, you can't be in the best shape of your life having a baby. Oh, my God. A man cannot even imagine. I mean, I know that. Yeah, Right. But you know, you'll be back where you want to be. Whatever that means to you.

Yep.

Right. You know that you took a year off and you're being a mom and business might do great, but stay at a certain level this year or might grow because you're not there but either way, if it's. Even if it stayed the same until you say, oh, my daughter's in preschool, I'm going to. Like, if you look at it that way, it really changes the trajectory of your emotions, your thoughts, and your energy. And I say that for this, as you get. As your daughter gets older, you're going to see something is. And maybe because I was a little older, So I was 40. I don't know, 40 when I had my daughter. And no, I was 38. I was 40 when I had my son, so I was a little bit older, right. So I think this helped because what would happen is, like, my daughter wet the bed, right? And everybody, like, everything I read online, people freak out over, your daughter's. Has the bottle until she's too old or she wets the bed or she. When you're done because she comes in your room and she sleeps with you two nights a week because she's scared. All the, like, people freak out, but guess what? All of it goes away. Like, my daughter wet the bed, and I'm like, who cares? I'll change your sheets, and I'll do it myself. I'll change her sheets. And then one day, she just stopped. She had the bottle for too long. And one Christmas, she was having her bottle, and I said, you know, Santa, I got a letter from Santa, babe. She was like, three, and she was still using a bottle. I said, I got a letter for Santa. He said, he wants to bring things, but he feels it's time that you don't have your bottle anymore. She's like, he wants my bottle? I'm like, yeah. She's like, okay, bottle was done. Like, all the things that you worry about go away. And it's the same with the seasons. Like, we have to look at. We have to, like, rise above it and say, okay, I had a baby. Things are going to change. I just got married.

Things are going to change. I just had.

Things are gonna change. I quit my job. Things are gonna change. But I can get back to better shape, better relationships, more happiness, make more money, do my own thing. Back to Pilates, back to yoga, back to climbing mountains. Like, and if you look at it like, it always. It just changes your perspective.

Yeah. The only thing constant is change, right?

Yeah. Cheers.

Cheers. I think this should be a drinking show.

I had to jump back in here in the end. First off, to say, isn't Jenna awesome or what? And remember, what you learned today was from two people who've been there, who've been scared, who failed, and have also succeeded on levels we once only dreamed of. So take the notes and implement these strategies in your life. Remember, take what serves you, throw the rest away. Also, if you don't already have a copy of my brand new book, the Underdog Advantage. I didn't know this time in history was coming, but this book was written for today's time. Learn how to take your disadvantages. Learn how to take lack of resources and create resourcefulness on a whole nother level. Learn why the most successful people throughout time were underdogs. So right now if you go to deansbook.com, you can grab a copy of the Underdog Advantage and see how to turn those so called disadvantages that you have personally or because of today's times and turn them into your superpower. This book is pure fire. I bought several thousand copies.

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Fill in your address so we know.

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