How to Persuade Without Feeling Like You’re Selling

Networking relationships, negotiating reciprocity. I'm going to start with reciprocity. It is the foundation. It is as Brian Tracy says, I want to give him credit for that. It's the most powerful law of human nature. Welcome to the Dean Graziosi Show. All success starts right here. Today we are going to talk about networking. We're going to talk about relationships. We're going to talk about what Brian Tracy calls the most powerful law of human nature, and that's reciprocity. And we're going to show you how that leads to better relationships. People to say yes, persuasion without persuading, and how to negotiate and win. So. So I wanted to put this in a really great flow and a format. Networking, relationships, negotiating reciprocity. I'm going to start with reciprocity. It is the foundation. It is as Brian Tracy says. I want to give him credit for that. It's the most powerful law of human nature. And what the law of reciprocity says. And the wealthiest, most successful, most happy people I know in the entire world understand reciprocity above all. And for most people, not you, because you're here learning. You get it. You wouldn't be on this call right now. For most people, it seems counterintuitive. Most people feel, well, I'll do something for you when you do something for me, or I'll do something for you if I feel I can get something from you. I believe reciprocity is. I believe reciprocity in a different way. I would say the definition of reciprocity really is not only is it the strongest human nature, reciprocity is, if I do something for you, you will feel obligated. It's human nature to do something back. For me, that's reciprocity on the simplest way that I can describe it, but I want to bump it up. I want to show you how it's affected my life. Reciprocity to me is the same thing. But I want to do something for you and not expect something back. Because I think there's a bigger play here. I think there's something bigger than us. I believe in God. You can believe in the universe, whatever it is, what God, it doesn't matter. I just believe there's a higher power than us that knows when you do for others without wondering what's going to come back. It comes back, and sometimes it comes back by somebody tapping on your shoulder. You give and give here, thinking you're going to get something back. And all of a sudden the deal comes through. Your neighbor wants to sell your house. And you make money. The job comes to you without asking for it. The new company falls on your lap. The partner taps you on the shoulder, say, would you like to use my money to invest in real estate? I'm getting goosebumps. I'm not kidding you. Because in my life I know that I've found a way. And it was. It's counterintuitive. It's the complete opposite of how I was raised. I love my dad dearly. He's a great guy. But my dad was taken advantage of a lot as a kid. The youngest of 12 in an abusive home. Crazy stuff, right? And I became a better human because of that. So I'm sorry he went through it, but it changed in this generation, right? But he got taken advantage of a lot. And my dad brought me up saying, hey, don't do so much. Don't be so kind to people. Don't give so much. They just take advantage. If something gives you, then give back. Well, if you hold out, then you never get to that point where people come to you and give to you. And all I know is the more I've given, the more. The more that's come back to me and not necessarily the same person. So let me go through a couple things here. This is some stuff I studied with Brian Tracy, and I did some research. I have my own. I have a whole page of notes on my life. But I got a couple people that I respect. Robert Cialdini, who wrote the book Influence and Book Persuasion. And of course, you know who Brian Tracy is. Brian Tracy says that even compliments are a form of reciprocity. If you say to somebody, oh, you look amazing today, they can help do it today, test it. If you say, oh, my God, you look amazing today, or I love those shoes. Immediate obligation. Where people go, oh, I like your hair, I like your shirt. I like the new car you have. We feel obligated. Take it the other way. Something's physical. Take someone to lunch, and when you're done, go, I got lunch today. It's on me. People, they feel obligated. People will say, oh, you know what? Next time you have lunch, it's on me, right? You send somebody a Christmas card. Like, ah, you feel obligated. You ever get a Christmas card or a birthday card from someone who's not on your list to send? You're like, oh, my God, I got to put them on the list. Or you get a birthday or Christmas present last minute, and you're like, oh, my God, they sent me a present. Hurry up. Call your assistant, call your friend, call your wife, call your husband, or just run to the store and go, I gotta get a present really quick. We are built that way. We are built internally. It's our nature. Is everybody like that? No. But are the majority of people? Absolutely. We give, and that person feels obligated to give back. We have this deep desire. This is Brian Tracy. We have a deep desire to feel even. We don't want anybody to have one up on us. But the reverse is also true. So remember that. The reverse is also true. True. If we don't do and we expect something back, we set ourselves up for failure. Now I'm going to get back. I want to share a couple cool things from Robert Cialdini. He's pretty awesome. If you never read the book Influence, read it. But I'm going to tell you a couple stories. First I want to tell you about Richard Branson. So I get to have. If you've ever seen any of my stuff. Richard Branson has a cool quote that he says about me. If you don't know who he is, he owns all the Virgin Con, Virgin Atlantic, Virgin airlines, Virgin Records, VA, Virgin Mobile, multi billionaire, one of the top 500 top, probably 100 richest people in the world. And I get to have Richard Branson on camera saying, dean's the type of entrepreneur that makes the world a better place. And he wrote quotes for me, and he invited me to go spend a week on his island in Necker. Necker island in the British Virgin Islands. I mean, a week on an island that cost like 100 grand a night to be there. I got to go there for nothing and. And spend with him, Sailed around the island, got to know him and invited me back the next year. I went back the next year, had the most amazing time, food, every. I mean, listen, I grew up, I lived in a trailer park. I lived in a bathroom with my dad when I was a kid. And then to be on Necker island with a billionaire, just like, you know, we had sushi in the pool and they, like, floated a boat filled with sushi. And you're just like, imagine being in the pool, the waves crashing. You're on an island with Richard Branson, eating sushi, talking about making money in business. It was like, am I really here? What if someone finds out? They're just going, could you leave, sir? You know you're not smart enough to be in that pool, right? So I say that, and it's all cool, and I get to use his endorsement. But how did I get a Relationship with Richard Branson. I'm nowhere near worth what he's worth. I don't run in the same crowds he does. Reciprocity. Richard Branson is obsessed with his charity, with his charity arm called Virgin Unite. And me and my dear friend Joe Polish, and we'll talk about him in a minute, too, realized how passionate he was for Virgin Unite. And we went out before we asked anything of him. Before we asked, if we do this, what do we get? We didn't ask any of that. You know what we did? We went out and raised a million dollars for his charity with dear friends of ours. Now, that's a lot of money. I realize that. We hit up very wealthy people who donated $50,000 each. I'm just using this as an example. You don't have to raise a million bucks. I'll tell you some other stories that cost me nothing. But we went out and raised a million bucks for Virgin Unite. The cool thing about virgin Unite is 100% of the money that you donate goes to the people who need it. He pays all the bills in the company. We did that. We started the reciprocity by delivering. Didn't know what we'd get back. And in return, my buddy Joe Polish and Richard became great friends. We went to Necker island twice. We got endorsements. And he's someone who's in my email and my phone now. You know, that's not the only story. Richard Branson was someone I always wanted to meet. But if you would have asked me 17 years ago, if you would have asked me 17 years ago, 15 years ago, if you could meet anyone in the world, anyone who would you like to meet? And the answer to that would have been Tony Robbins. Tony. When I was already in business, I was already generating millions of dollars, already successful, starting from nothing. But I listened to his tapes and audios to get the ultimate edge Course. A lot of you listening right now, probably listen to it. It changed my life, changed the way I was thinking. And I just adored that guy for doing it for me. And years went by, and five or six years ago, a mutual friend introduced us. We became best buds. We've been talking ever since. Like, literally, we talk every single week. We just got done golfing and dinner and hanging out for a couple days. I truly adore the guys. He's an incredible man, changing the world. And he's on such. He has such momentum right now. And he's blessed. He deserves it because he's helping so many people. But Tony and I met, and soon as we Met. I realized something in his company when you. This is silly. It seems silly, but I realized that when you'd go to like a UPW or a Date with Destiny, I mean, if you've ever been to any of Tony's events, oh my God, you're jacked out of your mind. You're on fire. You're like, you could breathe fire, you could walk across water. And then you get home and you want to keep that buz, but it slowly starts fading away. And then you're searching online for Tony videos or, you know, anybody other, you know, personal growth people to feed it, right? So I told Tony I went to your event and I realized that after your event, it would be great to get some follow up stuff from your team and from you to keep like the buzz going. And he said, God, that's a great idea. So what I went ahead and did is I wrote all the emails, I laid it out, I even recorded videos of how I would do it in like Tony's voice. Now I can't Tony, that's funny. But I went and created. I spent hours and hours and created all that. And I called him one day, I told him I had something for your team. I got on the phone with his team. He set up a Skype call. I was with his top 10 team and I just gave them everything. And I spent a half a day working with him. And I got done. He's like, dude, Tony Robbins literally took a picture of his black card and emailed it to me and said, that will help people so much, it'll be worth millions to me, but even more so the lives it'll affect. Charge me whatever you think for all your time. Of course, I didn't charge him anything, but it built a relationship I did for Tony. And listen, if Tony did nothing, if he never talked to me again because he's the busiest fricking guy I know. He's the only guy I know busier than me. If he never talked to me again, I'd be fine. I owed him from the course that he didn't even know touched my life. I feel like he built reciprocity with me by me giving him money for his course back 15, 17 years ago. But I did that expecting nothing in return. And it built a friendship that's. I consider Tony one of my dearest friends. Now, I'm only telling you this, I'm only telling you this because I'd love for you to think, who could you find an opportunity today to go do something for somebody else? How do you build a relationship? How do you build anchors? How do you build strengths? How do you build connections that take you to another level? You know, every personal growth expert, therapist, any, anybody in the world of human psychology, of human potential will tell you that you are the average of the five people you hang around. You have two negative people that are broke and miserable and pissed at the world, and two that are doing well financially and happy. You're in the middle. That's reality. That's, that's a law, right? So how do you, how do you find a better group of people? How do you get people to want to do things for you? And that's what I want you to think of. Reciprocity. Who today could you do something for that could help? Now I want to share one more. So that didn't cost me anything with Tony. I want to tell you a relationship. I have a complete opposite side. A gentleman named Sean Terry. Sean Terry is in the real estate space, in the real estate business. I saw him, you know, heard his name a few times. He wanted to get to know me. This guy came to my office and gave me his greatest real estate strategies. What he's doing, how he's making money. It was unbelievable. This guy was just flooding information. When I got done, I said, what can I do for you? He's like, nothing. You've already done for me. What I did for him, what Tony did for me. He's like, I'm in real estate because of your influence. You opened up a whole world for what we do. And this guy's a bad ass, for lack of a better word. And now I have a friendship with him. So that's the other. Someone did this to me. And that's not, that's one of many stories. But I want to tell you the story of Joe Polish. And then I'm going to get to the whole list of things I want to go down with you. So keep your questions, keep them coming. Get ready. Alby, I appreciate you. We'll get to questions here in a minute. But I want to tell the story of Joe Polish. Now this isn't just a one time reciprocity to lock in a friendship and then it kind of fades away. It's like going to the gym once and expecting to look good. It's like eating good for a weekend and expecting to be thin, right? It takes a process. But I would say out of all the friends I have, I don't have a better reciprocal relationship than I do for Joe Polish. With Joe Polish. Now he's A partner of mine, we have a group called Genius X. It's $100,000 a year group. We're partners. We sold that out in seven days, and then we resold out again. We raised it to 20 people, and we sold out again. We'll probably keep it at 20, maybe 25 people. Amazing group of people. I say that because I met Joe about 15 years ago by giving him a check for 25 grand to be in his mastermind called Genius Network. Mastermind group. So we get in there, we start being friends. We understand each other, and I saw the value he was delivering at that group. He put his heart, put his soul into it, and he always went over and above. And I saw what he was giving me. He was giving. So I went out and I bought him a watch. I saw he never wore a watch, so I bought him a watch. He still wears it to this day. And I gave him the watch. He's like, what's this for? I said, dude, you just. You give. So much of you. Thank you. And a couple months later, he did something for me and he made the. He's the one who introduced me to Tony Robbins. He's the introd. Okay, so Joe's introduced me to Tony Robbins, to Bill Clinton, to Richard Branson, to Paula Abdul. I could list pretty much every person I know. That's high status. John Paul DiGiorio, the creator of Patron Tequila, and Paul Mitchell, multi billionaire. I mean, the list goes on and on. But it didn't start with, hey, Joe, can you introduce me to these people? I never even asked. It's because I did for him and he did back, and I did for him, and he did back, and I did for him. Did back. I mean, I'll tell you right now, I have a new Tesla sitting outside that I drive. I'm giving it away. I'm giving it away because it was given to me. I'm giving it away at the better life. Right? When we get a little more people in the group, I'm going to put it up and we're going to give the Tesla away. But Joe Polish gave me that Tesla. The sticker on the window was $128,000. Why? Because the three months prior to me getting that Tesla and the year prior to the three months, he did a live webcast where he was offering an incredible product. It was a $2,000 course. It was worth 100,000 bucks. I mean, I know what it did for my life and insane. But Joe didn't know how to go live like this. And Do a live training and then sell a product. There's a process to that to build value and then sell a product. Like how you guys might be here doing this live. I love doing live. He never did it before. I said, joe, let me do the whole thing for you. I helped him write all the emails. I created the sales page, the order page. My team did all the work. We did my camera, my studio. We helped package the product, told them how to do it, how to. How to handle customer service. All the stuff we did, we. We got here, I sat on camera with him, and I literally said to people, which is true. I'm helping Joe sell this $2,000 course to me. It's worth millions, literally, for what it did for my life. But I'm helping him sell it, and I'm taking zero money, and I meant it. When we got done between those, we did over a million dollars. So again, I'm talking big numbers. Doesn't matter if it's $100, thousand dollars, 100 grand, million doesn't matter. Right? It's all relevant to all of our lives. The million dollars in sales. And when Joe tried to pay me, I wouldn't take it. Wouldn't take a dime. Three months later, a new Tesla is out in my driveway. That's the definition. And we started low. We started, and we've helped each other make more. I was making 10% of the money, generating. 10%, maybe, maybe less. 10% of the money that I'm generating now. When I met him, so was he. And as we got more, we helped each other, Helped each other. Reciprocation, reciprocation, reciprocation. And each one, you feel guilty. I mean, I always joke that he felt guilty that he. Every time he looked at what time it was, he had to think of me because I bought him that watch. Talk about Joe winning. Every time I get in my car, I think of Joe. Besides the fact he's crazy and he's got these little stickers of his head. They're probably around. He's got these little stickers. He gets, like, a whole booklet of his stickers, and he sticks them all over my car. He sticks them all over my office. It's a joke. But long story short, I really want you to understand the power of reciprocity. And before I get to some other stuff here, I want to share a couple things that Robert Cialdini, the author of Influence, says, you do someone a favor, they feel like they owe you. People say yes to those they feel they owe. So think about that people say yes to those they feel they owe. Now, you can guilt people into saying yes. You can try to talk people into saying yes. You can tell people what you'll do from if they do say yes. Or you can go out and not expect the yes. You're probably going to get it, but not expect the US and do something special for somebody. So let me ask you right now, who in your life, what person could you do business with that could fund your real estate deals or start your new company or help you write that book or help you get past a marriage issue or help you get some weight off or get in better shape? Who today could you do something nice for? Who today could you write or handwritten letter to and say, I appreciate you who cost nothing. You could do an email, you could do a stamp. Who today could you send flowers to? Who today could you send chocolates to? Who today could you go do a service for who today? Do you know how much this works in relationships? Like we're going to evolve into relationships here in a moment. But it's so funny. Even in relationships you watch husbands and wives or whoever, you know your significant other and you say, wow, I wish she would. I wish he would. If he did this, I would be better. If she did this, I would change my ways. What about stopping that thinking altogether in business, in life, with your family, with your children, with your parents. And what about just doing what if just you decide to emulate and be the person you want them to be. Reciprocity is really this. When you boil it down, you want to become a mirror. Give what you want to receive, be who you want to have people be to you. As simple as that sound. No one does it. We're all sitting around waiting for someone else to do it. And then we raise our hand and do what if you decided to be the doer? Listen, if you're in a relationship that's not great and you decide for 90 days I'm going to give all of me. I'm going to be the person I want them to be. I'm going to get flowers when they're not expectant, write little notes and put it in their lunch again. I'm going to take care of the house in a way that they need it taken care of, whatever it is. What if you just did that for 90 days? You know what you would see? You would see someone on the other side start to reflect and emulate who you are. You don't want somebody that lives you being negative. Then just be absolutely Positive on everything they do. Don't judge them. Give them more. All of a sudden you'll see another version of them. And here's the other thing. If you do it for 90 days and you become and give all of you, then maybe at the end you could decide, we either got to fix this or maybe this isn't the right relationship for me. And I'm talking personal relationship, business relationship, co worker relationship. Right? You give all of you. You be the person you want them to be. Not expecting anything. But if they don't change, you either have to say, okay, I'm with someone who's never going to change, or maybe I got to make a change in my life or help them in another way or just accept them, Right? Make a list. Who can I help today? That's funny. Brian Tracy and Robert Cialdini both said, make a list. Who can I help today? Those people that'll help you. Because most of us have it backwards. That was great. I love both. Most of us have it backwards. We're sitting around and waiting for someone to serve. Okay, let's talk about how reciprocity and that evolves into relationships, into networking, and into negotiating. Okay. I got so many notes here. I want to make sure I get all this. Give more than you take. These are just lines I want to do. Don't keep score. That's another one. As we evolve in relationships, if you decide so, say today, you're thinking of. All right, there's three people that I want to try this experiment on that Dean is saying works. And most of you know this, but some of us know it and don't do it. So the way that this feels good is to go in knowing you're not going to keep score. I have to tell you, with Joe Polish, I'm using him as an example. I have great friends everywhere, but I'm using Joe as an example because I explained him to you. There's times where I know I'm doing way more for him. I'll do his livecast. I'll help him with a client. I'll come to his 25k group even when I'm not there. And I'll present and give my heart and soul and share everything and I'll do, do, do. And Joe's busy. He's running all over the place, and I'm not keeping score. Some days I'm like, man, I did a whole year of kicking ass for Joe. And all of a sudden he picks up the phone and says, hey, Tony, you gotta meet my dear friend Dean Graziosi. You two are so much alike. You should meet. That was six years ago. Tony and I have been best friends ever since. It never would have happened without Joe. Right. Joe calls me up and says, hey, Bill Clinton's having dinner at Russell Simmons house in New York City, and we're invited. You want to come? Sure. On a plane, hanging out with those guys. In moments, just like that, Joe calls me and says, hey, I think we should raise some money for Richard Branson. I got a connection to him. Let's raise the money first. I think it'll work out good. Okay, Joe. Four months later, I'm on Necker island, sailing around the island with Richard Branson. So the thing will ruin you is keeping score and expecting it to come back from that person. Like I started in the beginning, do, do, do. And I promise you, you get a tap on the back when you're least expecting. Forgive others for your own sake. Now, this is. This is. These are just miscellaneous notes that I wanted to share because this is all part of networking, relationships, reciprocity, taking your business, your life, to the next level. So this is all I'm going to wrap this all around. I've never presented on this before, but I live these principles. I had two pages of notes. I live this. And I've learned it from other people, and I've learned it through experience. Some of it's going to seem counterintuitive, but stay with me here. I think I should. I'll be able to loop it all together. Forgive others for your own sake. I threw that in there because so many times you'll do something for somebody, you'll give all of you, and you don't get back what you wanted, Man, I did all that for him. Everything. I gave all of me and got nothing back. If you don't forgive, it's only hurting you. You've heard that before. You're like, oh, Dean, you're a genius. No, but we all have it in us. We do. I had it. I worked a lot. I put a lot. I did the work. As Byron Katie said, I did the work to get rid of anybody that I have to forgive. I had to just let it go because it wasn't hurting anybody but me. And it was holding back from me giving to new people. The last time I gave to my business partner, I gave all of me. And then the company was worth a couple hundred million bucks, and I got screwed out of it, man. I'm never doing that again. No. That's how we get stuck. That relationship he cheated. She was unfaithful. No, I'm never doing that again. That's how we get stuck. So the action already happened. But a way to condemn your whole life is to let that linger and keep you from making new decisions if you're stuck. I would bet to say to look back and forgive and let it go and start fresh. Give like you've never hurt before. Saying love like, what's that dance like you never dance. Love like you give like you've never given before. And if you got screwed over, that's okay, you got it out of the way. The percentages, the next one will be good. You know, when I was a kid, I was a young kid, and I wrote about this in my book in Millionaire Success Habits. I was a kid, I was in a car with a gentleman named alan Guarino, about 10, 10, 15 years older than me. He was super successful. I mean, I thought he was. He had a brand new Jag, an office in downtown New York City, and a big, big monster house in upstate New York. And we became friends. And I had an idea to do etherapy. I wanted to do chat therapy online before anybody had ever done it. This is 20 years ago, maybe more. And I tell him my idea. He said, I'll take you down to some venture capitalist. He puts me in his Jaguar. We're driving down the city. I'm in my early 20s. I work on cars every single day. At the time, I'm a collision repair kid. I mean, guy. That's what I did. I had dirty nails. I just scrubbed them really hard to get down there. I had bigger dreams, but that's what I was doing at the time. I get in the car with him. He asked me what my biggest strengths were. I told him what I thought, and then he asked me what my biggest weakness is. And I said, you know, my dad says, and it's probably true. I trust too many people. I give to people and I've gotten screwed over a bunch of times. In fact, I saved up like 50 grand from all my hard work and I invested it with a guy I trusted, and he took it all. And I said, so I gotta not trust. He goes, really? That's your biggest weakness? He said, I thought that was your biggest strength. He goes, you're 20 something, you work on cars. You have a great idea. I'm taking you down to venture capitalists in the city, putting my reputation online. I'm taking you down there because I saw that in you. You gave to me before you even knew me. You helped me. I didn't even realize I helped him with his car, and I didn't even realize I did it. And he said, secondly, here's what I want you to measure and I want to share with you what he told me. I want you to look back at your life, because this is what he told me. He goes, someday you'll look back at your life. And you know, I'm going to call him this week and thank him. Someday you're going to look back at your life and you're going to see all the people who screwed you over by giving first, by being all of you. And you can put that in a bucket. And then you're going to see all the things in people and partners and relationships where you gave all of you, where you trusted, where you gave first. And he said, that bucket of you getting screwed over will be this big compared to the success you'll have. Man, I think about that he said it more eloquently, maybe those not exact words, but he basically said that to me. And when I look back, I've been screwed over terribly. Terribly. Accountant robbed most all my money at the most vulnerable time in my life because I trusted. I had partners screw me over. I mean, I had all that happen. But then I think of the Joe Polishes and the Tony Robbins and. And the Richard Bransons and all the people, Brendan Burchard and Brandon Lewis and all these people, Steve Thorne, all the people I could think about that I gave all of me in partnerships and we've done over a billion dollars in sales and I lost a couple hundred grand and people screwed me over. What if I let those little things that screwed me over? What if I said, no way, I'm not trusting you. Trust people, they screw you. What if I held onto that? You wouldn't be understanding. You wouldn't be learning from me right now. We wouldn't be here together sharing. I'd be stuck in some hole, maybe still working on cars. So I want to share that with you today is who do you need to who and what do you need to let go of? Who do you need to forgive? And how can you start giving again? Our true nature is to give. You know that, right? I believe with all of me, everybody's a good person. I believe everybody's good. I think people get altered. I think people get swayed. I think people. Greed takes them over. But deep down, I even think the greedy people that are in prison right now for robbing from people, deep down, they're like, damn it, that's not who I'm supposed to be. So who can you forgive? Alright, another next one I wrote is over deliver. Don't just deliver. Over deliver. That's how I feel about everything I do in my life. I don't want to just be like, oh, Dean did a good job. I want people, I want you to get off this thing, go, shit. Dean made me think, remember this, I'm sharing a lot of stuff and it's not exact format because I just want to share from my heart. So take what serves you, throw the rest away. Like when I say something today, it could have been forgiveness and you're like, oh, I need to forgive. Or it could have been, oh, this is who I'm going to build reciprocity with. If it's one thing from today that changes the course of your life even an inch today. But in two weeks it's a foot. And in a month it's a quarter of a mile. And in a year it's five miles this way. Then I did my job. I over delivered. I gave you something that's implementable, that works, that's proven for successful people. But think about that. How can you over deliver in everything you do? How can you get done with a meeting? I get done with a meeting every time I do. I'm in my car, first thing I do is go and say, especially if it was a great meeting, hey man, thanks for meeting me. Hey, you know, if it wasn't a guy, whatever, it's just like, hey, I just want to say what a great meeting today. Thanks for giving your heart. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to doing business together. That little, little thing over delivering or an email when I get home, or send flowers or send chocolates or send a thank you or send some cool thing if you're a golfer, send some cool golf balls with their names on it. All those little things make the big difference. Be a person of your word. Yeah, we all know that too, right? I talk about that to my kids all the time. I just know this. I want people to say, no, I'm going to have a contract with Dean. But you don't need one. My last two partners, we don't have a business that we own together, but I call them partners. We've done probably over the last 15 years, maybe eight, $900 million in sales together. You know how long our contract is? It doesn't exist. 0. No contract with both those guys. I want people to say, when you do business with Dean, he's a man of his word. Do I Make mistakes? Hell yes. Do I go back and renegotiate? Yup. Especially if it's not working. But I'm a man of my word and I work on it. And I want to personally observe my own values. When something comes out of my mouth, I'm like, am I sticking to that? And I'll question myself and if I promise too much, I'll say, you know what? I just said something. I don't know if I could stick to that. I'm going to give it my best effort, but I don't know if I can promise it. Like, I have this thing with my kids that I've never promised them anything since the day they were born that I didn't feel fulfill on. And I want to teach him that nature. I've screwed up as a kid. I made terrible mistakes. I lied in relationships. I mean, all those things that you learn. And I look back and I don't like that version of me. I want to be the man of my word. You could be the man or woman of your word. Think how powerful that is with being a parent, with being a child, with being a spouse, being in a partnership with people that you're doing business with, whether it's people you're buying houses, selling houses, or the company you're in. When people start saying man, you do business with Jill, she is a woman of her word. What she says is what she does. Wouldn't you like to be known that? Wouldn't you like someday your eulogy, your child or your grandchildren or someone, a friend, a relative is reading and said, you know what's so great about Diane is she was a woman of her word. What she said is what she did. How far does that go? And you know, we're talking about this today. It's like if someone just popped in right now, they'd be like, I thought this was the guy teaching you how to get rich. This is, and I'm talking rich. Not just this rich in your heart, rich in life rich where you light up rooms, where you bring people around you up, not down. Where money, wealth, abundance is brought to you, attracted to you. It just, it manifests. These are the little things everybody's looking for the big one button to get rich. No, it's all these little things that you can shift. Remember, you can watch this video a whole bunch of times. Just take what's serves you, implement them in your life and listen, prove me wrong. Go out and try some of this stuff. Go forgive someone today you should have forgiven a long time ago. Go do something for someone that doesn't know. Do what I'm sharing today, come back here in a month and tell me if I'm full of shit, for lack of a better word, go, Dean, I tried. That doesn't work. Won't happen. It won't happen. You'll come back and go, oh, my God. I forgave so and so, and my heart burst open. I know people I've watched, I could. I could cry right now because I'm thinking of I had with my stepdad, getting him to forgive. I've watched people, when I've shared about forgiveness, literally go in the other room and make a call to their mom, to an ex husband, an ex wife, and come back in bawling because three years, five years, 20 years of anger was built up, and they let it out, and they're a different person in the moment. Tony says, I love it. Tony Robbins. Change happens in an instant. It can happen in an instant. So try these things and come back and let me know if I'm full of crap or not. Okay, here's another one. This one goes with networking relationships. I want to talk about networking for a second, and then I'll talk about negotiating. I'm the worst networker in the entire world. I am worst networker in this fashion. I don't own business cards I never had. I don't like talking about what I do, and I get nervous around crowds you would not believe. You probably won't believe this, but I'm an introvert. I love talking to cameras. I love being on stage. 10, 15, 30,000 people. I will light it up. If you ever watch me on person, you ever watch me on stage, man, I love it. But get me off stage and put me in the cocktail reception hour with a bunch of strange people, you know, not strange people. Strangers. New people, I should say. And I have to force myself to say, hey, nice to meet you. Oh, yeah, we can do business. I have to force myself. Even if I'm in a room with billionaires and presidents of the United States, I'm like, joe, my buddy, Joe Polish. You go talk to them. I'm okay. He's always like, what's wrong with you? Like, I feel weird walking up and it's like, they're here to see you. Like, whatever. I'm not good at networking, even though I've watched amazing networkers. But here's how I get away with that. I can network and I meet people and I build instant rapport by doing a couple things. First is I listen I use my ears, not my mouth. When I meet people, I'll ask some questions or I'll listen. And if they start asking about me, I will literally flop it. I'll say a quick answer. I'm like, no. Yeah. I have two children. What about you? Oh, I have two children. It's like, my son's in football. I might say, oh, mine too. What position does he play? And then he'll go on and on and on and on. I use my ears. And when I get done, here's what I know. People never remember your name. They don't remember what you do, but people surely remember how you make them feel. And when you make someone feel important, you don't have to be the outgoing, sometimes arrogant or cocky. Oh, this is me. This is what I do. People will connect to you when they feel understood, when you listen to them. So in negotiating, I'll talk more about negotiating in a moment. Negotiating, networking, your biggest asset are these and a couple questions. And you watch the rapport connect. You watch two people talk for an hour and they get done like, yeah, yeah, and come over and talk to me or talk to you. And you'll ask a couple questions and listen. And immediately they're like, oh, my God, it's great to talk to somebody like you. This networking, all these people. Right? It's that simple. It's that simple. But most people don't get it. Okay, another one, I wrote about this in one of my first courses. It was called Think A Little different to a Real Estate Fortune. I created that, oh, my God, so many years ago. And I had a section here called Magic Buttons when I used to. And this is think of negotiating. In negotiating, I used to use these again. And if you listen to people, they will tell you what I used to call magic buttons so you know what to push. People like to go into negotiation and say, here, this is what I have. This is what I want to do. I'll pay you X for the house because it's got this. Or I'll pay. Let's do this deal. And this is how we'll merge together. And people, they rehearse it. They do PowerPoints. They. Michelle, I'm going to try not to look over here because I'll get emotional. Michelle, I know you're getting emotional. I get it. Believe me. I was ready to cry just a minute ago thinking about something. But anyway, back to negotiating. People will get prepped. They'll do a PowerPoint slide for an office presentation. They'll think about it 200 times what to say to their boss to get the raise. They'll think about it 200 times for somebody to lend them money or partner with them on deals or a new business, but they won't spend the time understanding how the other person feels. We spend all this time on our own thoughts, on our own goals, on our own emotions that we don't. In my next line, we don't look through the other person's glasses. We're so immersed in ourselves that people understand us. But do we understand them? Or do we even let them talk? Or when they're talking, are we listening? Or are we just waiting for them to shut up so we can jump back in with our agenda? You want to change negotiation? You want to win every time? Close your mouth and listen for magic buttons. What are magic buttons to me is I listen to what people are fearful of. People make decisions for two reasons, pain and pleasure. When you ask the right questions, when you listen, people will tell you what they're afraid of and they'll tell you their goals. They'll tell you the pain and the pleasure. That's their magic buttons. If you can find a way to relieve their pain and to push them towards what would be pleasure for them while still working for you, you win. You don't win sometimes, you win every time. Listen for magic buttons. I used to negotiate. I don't know how this came about. I did this in my 20s. I would listen and listen and I'd hear the one thing and I'd say, oh, you know, there's a great story, and maybe you've heard this before if you've gotten some of my courses. Mary Lopresti, one of the first deals I've ever had. Mrs. LoPresti was a great Italian lady. Her husband, Joe Lopresti, had passed away a few years prior, and when he passed away, she owned a three family house, one of the first houses I ever bought. And everybody said, ah, Mary lopresti, she wants $250,000 for that. She wants $250,000 for that house. It's only worth 230. She's crazy. She won't budge on her price. Won't budge on her price. Mary's crazy. Mary's crazy. Sweetest old lady. Everybody says she's crazy. Can't get it. So I went and saw Mary Lopresti and I wanted to talk to her about her property. And she had so many people approach her. But here's what I found out. I went and I just listened and I let her talk and I Said, you know, I'd love to know about the property. That's all I remember saying. I was a kid, I mean, early, early 20s, and she was lonely. Her husband had passed away, and she loved to cook, and she was an amazing cook. And she told me over about an hour story of me just using these. What she said was, the magic buttons that I saw were. When her husband passed away, he said, sell the house, but don't sell it for a dime less than $250,000. She was abiding by her dead husband's word. That's why she had that price. He said, get the money. Move to Florida. Get a small place where there's no overhead, where you can just enjoy the rest of your life. I listened to everything, and I genuinely listened. But I heard those two magic buttons. Now, here's what I needed. I wanted to fulfill her wishes, but I didn't have any money back then. This was when I first got into real estate. So I said to Mary, okay, I get done with that. I'm going to tell the story, right? She invites me back to Sunday dinner. Sunday pasta. Oh, thank God. I went, talk about homemade pasta. Like a big spread. Meatballs and super soda and prosciutto and. I mean, just everything. Just the epitome of the most perfect Italian meal with homemade pasta, a little al dente. I mean, just awesome. And we're eating, and I said. I said, mary. I called her Mrs. Lepresti. Ms. Lepresti, I said, I'd like to give you what you and your husband want. I'd like to give you $250,000 for your house. And her eyes lit up. And I'd like to make it so you can get down to Florida and you can live without worrying about this three family house that drives you nuts. And she was almost in tears. I said, but I need something. I don't have any money, but I'm a workaholic. I have a work ethic like no one you've ever seen. I'm a man of my word. You can ask these three people I've done business with. I'll never let you down. So here's what I'd like. I'd like to give you 250 grand. I'd like to buy this house from you. But here's what I want. I'd love to know how much you need each month, how much do you need to move, and how much would you need each month? Because I would like to buy this from you on contract or a lease option, basically. But it's on contract. I said, I don't have any money to put down, but I can give you enough every month for three years for you to move to Florida and live there. And by three years from now, I'll be able to get a bank loan and pay you off. But I don't want to pay any interest, and I can put no money down. She came over and hugged me. She goes, you're going to give me $250,000 and I get to move to Florida. With her Italian accent I get to move to Florida. And she's hugging me and kissing me because I gave her what she wanted. I heard her magic buttons. That was one of my first deals. And zero money down, zero closing costs, zero interest. I paid her 2,500 bucks a month for three years. The apartments covered the 2,500, plus some I remodeled one at a time. I refinanced it, pulled the money out, paid her off in about two and a half years. She was happy as heck. And I had a house that was now worth 3, 400,000, 350,000 bucks, whatever it was, generating me profits every single month. How did I do that? Was I a magician? The smartest guys in my town that knew real estate came in there and told her, ah, it's worth 220, it's worth this, it's worth that. Because I listened. I used her magic buttons, and I didn't rip her off. I wasn't being sneaky. I found out what she wanted, I delivered it, and she gave to me. And that's the art of negotiating. While we're talking about negotiating, I want to talk about contracts really quick. When you're going through a contract and say you're starting a new business, you're doing a deal, and maybe this doesn't affect you, but if it ever did, think about it. In any area of your life, what happens is people say there's 20 bullet points and you get to number three and you don't like you. I don't like number three. Number three, I am not going. I'm not taking 10% from my business. No way. That's the worst way to do it, because you're looking for something before you've given something. So if you get to number three and it's really off, say, you know what? Number three, let's get back to number three. Let's get back to number three. Let's go to number four. Find the ones that you would say absolutely yes to. But don't be too quick to Give it. So number four is we're gonna make this deal happen in 30 days. Even though your 30 days is perfect, you don't go, 30 days is perfect. Let's go number five. No, say 30 days. I was thinking we could do it in 15, but you know what? Let's do 30. I think that's fair. Use the word fair. So number four, then number five. That's an easy one. Say number five. I was thinking. No, but you were fair on that one. Let's give number five. Let's give that one to you, too. And you go through. Go through all the easy ones. Think about it. Don't jump too quick. Tell them it's fair or her it's fair. And then go say, you know what? We've got all those. We're so darn close. Let's go to number three. Do you think the 10% is fair and let them talk or let her talk. Say, you know, I was thinking 15% would be more of the equity share because of this, this, this, and this. I think 15 is fair. You watch how you win every single. In fact, these strategies are so good, I will ask you to stay ethical. And don't use these for bad. Literally, don't use these for bad. Okay? Evaluate both sides. I think wisdom comes from exploring the opposite of your own beliefs. I think ignorance is bred by simple black and white answers. So that's my opinion. You might agree or disagree, and that's okay. But I think we grow. Our wisdom grows, our life grows, our income grows. When we look at the other side, you're arguing with somebody's hardcore Republican. You're a hardcore Democrat. You could just say black and white. If it's not this way, it's stupid. Or you could peek across the aisle and understand it. Doesn't mean you're ever going to switch. Doesn't mean that that's what your new belief will be. But when you understand it, when you put someone else's glasses on, when you look through their eyes, you feel their pain, you understand their history, why they believe that way, what happened in their life. To get to that point, you start creating empathy. And you can say, you know what? I see how you look at it through those glasses and watch how the rapport builds and watch how easy it is to come to. If we did this with religious beliefs around the world, there'd be no fighting and tyranny and deaths and murder. If we just look across the aisle a little bit, we try to understand. Doesn't mean we're changing who we are. But when you can look and understand with other people, the glasses they're looking through, life gets easier. Relationships bond, wisdom grows, stress goes away. So this is the time for forgiveness. This is the time to start networking. This is the time to start doing reciprocity with those that you could serve each other. This is the time to start feeling what it's like to have a group dynamic. Think about the group dynamic right now. There's about 400 people online right now and thousands will watch this who are in the group but live. There's about 400. How does it feel right now? And tell me if you could reply this. How does it feel to be in a group with 400 people that think like you do, who have a bigger future, who want to gain the wisdom, who want to gain the knowledge, who know there's another level. To know that it's not the worst time, it's the best time, that you don't have to be smarter, you don't have to be richer, you don't have to be cuter, you have to be thinner. You are perfect the way you are and there's another level waiting for you. And through gaining other people's capabilities, through gaining other people's knowledge who have been there and done it, you can reach that next level of life. How does it feel to be in a group of people just like you? That's group dynamics. That's what it feels like. Because you don't feel alone. You don't feel like a dreamer like some people in your life tell you are, you don't feel like enough is enough. You should be satisfied with your life. Things are okay the way they are. Screw that. There's always another level. No matter where you are, there's where you need to go. There is that next level. And whether that's more money or more love or more joy or more freedom, more control in your life, more happiness, there's more. And when people say you should be satisfied, for what? To live an okay life. So when you're 90 or 95, on your deathbed, you look back and say, my life was okay. Screw okay. You want to be like the orange. We squeeze every bit of juice out of it, there's nothing left. When I'm 90, I want to be a shriveled up raisin and clean, close my eyes with a smile and go, I squeezed every inch of life out of this. I didn't leave anything on the table. I played full out. Maybe I didn't play full out until I was older, but one day I made the decision and decided no more. This is my time and this is your time. Why not make today the day you start shifting? Why not make today you make different decisions, forgive people, build the relationships, build reciprocity, start networking and use this momentum to carry you into 2018 and making it the best year of your life. Whether you're twenty, forty, sixty, eighty or a hundred, there's always a time to make a difference. If you love this, do me a favor. Like it. Leave a message, share it with friends I hope you enjoyed seeing behind the curtain of one of our Inner Circle trainings where each month we teach next level mindset, marketing and momentum. The three M's that I believe are the difference between wanting more and actually achieving more. If you'd like to be a part of our inner circle, we created a really special opportunity in these unprecedented times. Well, they're unprecedented times. So we created an unprecedented opportunity. And right now you can go to deansnextlevel.com that's deansnextlevel.com watch a quick video and see how you could be part of the inner circle for less than than about a movie and dinner a month and gain those next level capabilities to thrive in these uncertain times. If you liked this podcast, make sure you rate it and also make sure to click subscribe so you never miss out. Remember, all success starts here.