How To Talk To Your Kids (And Communicate With Everyone Better)

It's all about them and how you make them feel. It's all about your clients. Sometimes you have to sell people what they want and give them what they need. Welcome to the Dean Graziosi show. All success starts right here, whether you have an online product. And you might have saw that, seen that value ladder. I didn't have that entire value ladder when we first started. Over time, you can add stuff. It's not overnight. Can you add information? Can you add just one extra product today and one extra product in 90 days and one extra product in six months? Right. Again. Also looking at my book funnel, like my book ladder. Look at all those pieces. But don't just look at it like screenshot it, copy it, rip it off like, oh, I could adjust this for what I do. I could tweak this for me. Oh, I love that. Languaging, right model. What's working? Tony's the best at it in the world, right? When Tony wants to learn something, he finds someone who's the absolute best and cuts him a check and learns from them. And then all of a sudden, he starts off where they left off. Okay, I want to go through a little exercise and this. Now we're going to shift into kind of the art, right? We're going to shift into the art a little bit. I promise you, if you trust me, if you liked what I shared so far, I promise you it'll tie back in and you'll get it. Tell you a little story. My childhood home, that was my grandmother's house. My grandmother, that was a two family house. My aunt and uncle lived on one side, my grandmother on the other. And when I was a kid, my parents did get married nine times. That's not just some story. And I moved 20 times by the time I was 19. Not poor me. Just telling you how life can shift, right? So that house was my safe house. Like when all the chaos and craziness of stepbrothers and stepsisters and new house and new grandma, new dad, new mom, they're gone, this one's gone. New schools, that house. And my grandmother was like heaven. In fact, I lived with my grandmother most of my childhood. So even my high school graduation, I was living with my grandmother. And my grandfather had died when I was 10, so I was living there. That was my safe place. My grandmother was my favorite human in the world. And then when I was about 20, 21 years old, my grandmother ran out of money and she couldn't afford the taxes on it. And I was trying to at that time, I wanted to pay the taxes. I did everything I could, and she wouldn't accept it, and she sold it. And here's the crazy part. That house was built in 1790, and my great grandfather was born in that house. My grandfather was born in that house. My mother was born in that house and lived in that house. And I lived in that house as my entire childhood. You know, my childhood going back and forth. But then it was gone. And then five years ago, five years ago, a friend called me and said, hey, Dean, I just wanted to tell you I saw a sign went on, your grandmother's house for sale. Isn't that cool? It's selling. I literally called and bought the house in eight minutes. I said, take the sign off. It's sold. I didn't negotiate the price. I just bought it. And now I own my childhood home. And it's pretty cool. I get to take my kids there. And the other day, I say, the other day, three weeks ago, and I look outside, and my kids are playing on the same rocks. I used to climb this rock outside, and they're playing on the same rocks. And it was just this weird feeling of, like, how life comes in full circle and how it doesn't matter, you know, I don't want to. I don't want to get down that road. I want to get to marketing. But one of my favorite things that Tony says is, life happens for us, not to us. When I lived in that house, and I was like, why do my parents get married and divorced so much? And why are we so broke? And why does my dad get so angry? And why do all these things happen? Man, I look back now, and God designed that. Whatever you believe, the universe, God. God designed that perfectly for me. It made me the man I am. It gave me strength. It made me want to leave and do great things, and it also made me the man where I want to come back and share that with my kids. And my kids love it there. It is literally their favorite place in the entire world. And I have to tell you, that house was built in 1790. It's not fancy. That house is nice on the inside, but it's almost exact, except painted and cleaned up, is the way my grandmother had it. So we bought it, and my kids have been going there. And last year when we went there, I said, hey, guys. And I started bringing out all the things. We were going to redo the house. And my kids are like, no, you're not redoing this house, dad. This is the way it was when you were There. This is the way it was when your grandmother that you talk about was. I could cry right now. And they're like, you're not touching it. And it's their favorite place in the world. And we get to go all these fancy places, and grandma's house that still looks like it did when she was there is their favorite place on the planet. So the only reason I shared that is I know we all go through crap and we don't understand why certain things happen to us, but if you really. If you really believe in what Tony says. That's my favorite line from him. It's all designed for us. All these shifts, all the craziness, and it can either be the anchor that holds you back or the wind behind your sails. And all those shifts are what made me who I am today. So, anyway, thank you for letting me share that story. When it comes to your children, so many times we. We talk about stories in our lives, right? Like your kids do something and it's like, oh, let me tell you the time when I was young. And we all do that. That's great. But remember this. The way you communicate with children. And again, I promise this will all come around. The way you communicate with children is living inside their minds, answering questions already going on in their head, finishing sentences they're already thinking about, right? It's not about us trying to project our lives or what they could do. We must know their best friends names, right? We must know what they're thinking and how we make them feel, right? If we make them feel that they're heard, that they're connected, that they're in a safe place, that they can tell their parents anything without judgment, that they can make mistakes, that they don't have to lie about failures. If we can do that, there's this subtle little connection. And as a parent, you know, I'd love to say that I got this dialed in. There are those moments I go to my room and go, I just totally screwed that up. That was absolutely the wrong way to handle it. But if you make it all about them, and I don't mean spoil them, but you make it about them and their needs and their goals and their dreams and their desires, and you enter the conversation there. There's a connection that you can't replace anyplace else. So many times we as parents, we think we know what our kids need and we think we know what they need to hear, and that's not the case. Listen, I remember and I had really great advice from one of my partners. He has eight children now. Oh, my God. He's an awesome Mormon guy and a great father, great leader, and just a wonderful dad. And I'm always asking advice and he said, always have something in common with each of your kids. Like, know how to finish what they're thinking about it. I don't know. My daughter was just born and her and I get along. It's the easiest thing I've ever done in my life. Like, we speak the same language. We like, she's just. I don't know if I've ever yelled at her or grounded her. My son, oof. God gave me, like, that's my next level of patience. Like, we speak different languages. Right. But I got great advice. And the great advice was this is always have something in common that they're interested in at that moment. Okay, so I'll give you an example. When my son was two or three, he loved this. The train. What the hell is the name of that train? Thomas the Train. I remember I learned every name of those trains. And I used to sit on the floor with him and I would know the tank and I know all the different pieces and I'd be the blue one and I knew it. And I'd watch the cartoon so I could get that. And man, he just thought, oh my God, my dad knows. And then when Thomas was out, that's for babies, he went into nascar. I don't know anything about it. I never followed it. It wasn't something I grew up on. My parents didn't do it. But when he got the racing track and knew all of them, my son has got the greatest memory in the world. He loved, loved all the different. And Dale Earnhardt Jr. And this one and that one and who was sponsored. So what did I have to do? I had to enter conversations going on in my five year old son. And I learned all the different people and who number 88 was and who 47 was and who raced for Home Depot and who was winning. It was a phase, but I entered his life and when I wanted to have conversations with him, I could sit on the floor, talk about that race around the cars, and then I could insert the things that I wanted to do as a dad when that wasn't in play anymore and it was all about baseball. It's like I immersed myself in baseball. I coached. I figured out where his weaknesses and his strengths were. I knew what he wanted to talk about. I had to learn teams because I didn't really. I played baseball in high school, but I didn't really know the teams, but I learned the teams. Now, the reason I took so long to say that is, is because I also know that that's setting a foundation for teenage years to have something in common. Like, my daughter and I have one thing right now in common. We have art and going to two things. Art. And she loves to go to dinner where we just have dinner with each other. My son right now is getting back into baseball. So the common thread is entering conversations already in their heads, not trying to get them to live in your mind. I have to adjust to enter their conversations, not try to get them to enter mine. Does that make sense? Right? So remember this. When problems arise, instead of blame, find the root cause. Now, my daughter picture this as a busy dad. I still, I want you, like, because of choice, when my kids, I get my kids 50% of the time to this day, when my kids are with me, I cook them breakfast every single day and I make them their lunches. It's just something I've done since they were little. I also pick them up from school. I don't care what's going on. I don't care if there's a 20 million dollar deal on the table. 245. I race out of my house or this office and I go pick up my kids. Now I have to pick them up. A little different in earlier years. I used to love being outside. They'd run out of the classroom, run across and jump up and hug me and kiss me. Now my daughter's like, hey, dad. And I get a fist bump. You know, I'm accepting that I have to be. But I know my kids and I know what they love and what they don't. So why am I sharing this? When problems arise, instead of blame, find the root cause. My daughter's always loved school. She still does. So I remember back when they were little, maybe my daughter was 8, and she gets up in the morning and she's like sluggish and she's late and she's not getting done and she's not doing her hair and she's not eating her breakfast. And I'm like, hey, come on, got to step it up. It's time to. It's time to get ready. And she's like, ah, I don't want to. And I remember, I remember her being a little like, not rude, but my daughter's like, I told you, the easiest child in the world. And she was like, a little like, I don't want to do it. And my gut instinct, my gut instinct was, hey, get Dressed. We're going to be late. Do it now. And I was heading towards that. Or maybe I subtly did that. And something just stopped me for a second. Something just stopped me for a second. And I said, I betcha there's more to this. And I said, is something wrong at school? No, everything's fine. I'm like, you sure? And she says, well. And I find out that one of her friends said something about her that wasn't true. And two days ago at lunch, her friend sat. And this was when she was 7 or 8 years old, her friends sat at another table and didn't invite her. And I almost yelled at her. And. And there was something that root caused, right? It's like something goes on with your wife or your husband, and nothing. And then all of a sudden, you forget to take out the garbage, and she freaks out or he freaks out. You're like, oh, my God, it's garbage. It's not that there was the root cause of the problem, right? And when you find the root cause instead of blame, we can solve that. And I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. So I went from being almost an ass to being empathetic. And I said, oh, I understand now. I get it, hon. I'm like, so what can we do? She's like, nothing. I'm like, are you sure? What if you had to figure something out and this is a true story. I always tell this because it just. It happened to work out this way. Believe me, I have many epic fails as a parent, but that worked out. And I said, what could we do? And she said, I don't know. And I said back and forth. I don't know if I suggested or not. It was a long time ago. But she said, well, there is a new girl in school that sits alone every day. I could ask her to sit with me. I'm like, okay, what about that? That's great. Let's focus on that. She got exc. Went to school, asked that girl, and like, two weeks later, that girl was at our house having dinner, and they were friends for years. Now you see how that could have went, right? You see how that could have went without finding the root cause? Kids are the greatest. Like, they're human lie detectors, right? I have to be authentic. I have to be enthusiastic. Like, I don't mean, like, hyper. And like, hey, everybody, you must like. But with my kids, I have to find a enthusiasm for being a dad. So blessed that they're here that God gave me those two children, right? Just think about if I was like, hey, kids, I know that last week in school, things didn't go right. I mean, think if I was teaching you today. Everybody, so glad you're here. Is everybody ready? Like, oh, my God, like, click. I'm done with this dude. Right? You want to know when you're enthusiastic, when you're authentic. People know that you care without even, like, I'm here giving the best of me because I care about every single one of you, and I do. That's my life at this point. I want to give back. I want to serve. I want to share it with the most energy, with the most authenticity. I want you to know that I truly care. This isn't just a job that I care. And kids need to feel that, right? They need to know you care, that you're listening and you have that enthusiasm and authenticity. I want to share this. When my son was. And again, this is usually for younger kids, right? Then you can tell how long ago I did this. But my son was second grade. I think first or second grade. I think first. Anyway, long story short, I went to a new school. He went to a new school. And there was one kid not being so nice to him. I don't think official bullying, but he was like, I don't know if I want to go to school. And this kid makes me feel bad and all that kind of stuff. And I remember what it was like, I got picked on in school. And what I wanted to say. Let me tell you what I wanted to say to my son. You know what? If you're getting picked on, screw it. I had kids picked on me. I'm the most successful kid from my class. Tell him to screw off. You're going to be successful. Let him live his miserable life. That's kind of my intuition of what I want to say. I wanted to say, like, tell him to piss off. You're a Graziosi. You're going to kick ass and have a wonderful life, and his is going to suck. Like, as a parent, you want to say that when someone messes with your kid, right? I get it. Like, I wanted to go there and, like, shake this kid. And I guess one day, like, put his hands on his and just pushed him. I was like, oh. But I took a moment, and I figured out a better way. And the better way was to tell them a story. And I have to share this with you. And I promise you guys, this will all make sense here in a little bit. So we're on vacation. We're on summer vacation. Or. No, it wasn't summer. It was because we were in school, took a break. We're sitting around a fire, we were roasting marshmallows, like the ideal spot. And my son is talking about it. It bugged him so much that he just kept talking about it. And I could have went back to, oh, that happened to me. But then I survived and I thrived and I used it as energy and life happens for us. Don't you see that? Like, I could say all that stuff and it would have meant nothing. I told him a story. I wrapped a message in the story. Kids don't become who you tell them to become. They become who you are. Right? I work at. My kids know that at 5:30 every single morning, at 5:30 every single morning,. I work out. They know that every day. My kids don't work out with me at 5:30 in the morning, but they know it's a part of my life. And they know their dad's 52 years old and I'm in the best shape of my life. They can't even come close to catching me in a race. And I always tell them, I could beat all your dads, all your friends, dads that are younger than me in a race. I joke with them, like, we have this fun, but I know exercise and health is going to be a part of their lives. We eat better at home, right? I want to tell you I became a better man, which most of us have. Kids are the best teachers. I'm a better human because of my children. Be the person you want them to be. And we get to grow and become better humans at the same time. If you guys have read Eckhart Tolle the Power of now or Michael Singer's the Untethered Soul, or Just Know, in general, we know. Both of those books changed my life. Both of those books teach you that we need to be the observer of what's going on in here, right? If we think we can't, we won't. We think we can, we will. Right? If we think COVID ruined our lives, it will. If we think it's a start, right? As Tony says, if we think this is the end, it's the end. If we think it's the beginning, it's the beginning. So we have to be the observer of our own thoughts and our perspective around our children. So I'm going to tell one last story here, and then I'll share with you how this relates to you. I don't know how old my daughter was, but watching our own thoughts is so important because we are never. All circumstances aren't fact. It's our perception of the situation that becomes our fact. How we were raised, what we do as we were growing up, all those things, right? So, long story short, I'm at the kitchen table again. My kids are younger. When I did this, when I wrote this, they were probably 6 and 8. And we're at the kitchen table, and my son literally has a photogenic memory. So there. I don't know if you remember, there's the Crayola crayons, and then there was these fancy crayons with like. Like, fancy names. Like. Like lavender, you know, field lavender something, or, like, pineapple essence Yellow, and, like, all these really fancy ones. So my son gets these, and my son pulls one out. And I. I said. He said, oh, give me the pineapple something something. I'm like, oh, you know the name of that one? He goes, I know all of them. I said, yeah, whatever, bud. You don't know all of them. He goes, I. I think I do. So I hit him, and I'm like, I cover like, what color is this? And he knew it. And he knew it, and he knew it. I went through, like, 20 of them. He knew all the names. I'm like, oh, my God, dude. And my daughter seeing me kind of, like, gushing, she said, I could do that. I said, all of us have gifts. I couldn't remember these crayons if I had a month to remember them. She's like, no, no, I can. So she goes, let me look at them. So I take them away. She goes, all right, try one. Try the first one. She doesn't get it. Try the second one. She doesn't get it. And I said, babe, it's okay. And she comes out and she says, it's because you spend more time with Brody, like, out of the blue. And I'm like, wow. And I remember this. That made me go to the way my dad parented me. I wasn't observing my thoughts. And it immediately triggered this, like, disrespect. And I remember saying, hey, don't you tell me a lie and tell yourself a lie. That's not true. I spend time with you equally. That's not the case. And I got on her because she said a little more than that, right? I got on her. I got a little upset. And I remember I wasn't observing my thoughts. I was just doing what was, like, this gut reaction. And I said to her, now pack your stuff up. We're going to school. It was the first time ever when she Got out of school up until that moment that she got out of the car, didn't say goodbye, didn't give me a kiss, and just got out. And I was like, well, she'll learn a lesson for that. And I left. I'm driving back home, and I get back to my house, and I start observing the thoughts that are going on in my head about the circumstance. And I realized exactly how my dad would have handled it. My dad would have told me to tuck my emotions down, that what I was thinking wasn't right, so I shouldn't say it. And I started finding myself getting mad at me. And I said, if a man ever told my daughter that her thoughts didn't matter, that her feelings and what she thought in the moment didn't matter, and she should shut up and it's not true and get her ass to school. I didn't say those words. I said I would fight a guy that did that to my daughter and repress her feelings. Her feelings were her feelings. And all of a sudden, it was like an epiphany when I didn't. I just reviewed my thoughts. I was like, holy crap. I got back in my car. I literally drove, like, as fast as I could, blew through stop signs, safe as I could. But I went back to her school because it was bugging me so much, and I literally. You know, usually you got to check in. Literally. I jumped the little fence and went to where her grade was. Now that I think about all the craziness in the world, I'm glad I didn't get tackled by a security guard. But I went across the. Like, I cut across the field. I go over to her door. I knocked on her door, and she comes out. She goes, yeah, I. I said, babe. And I walked her outside. I got on my knees, I said, listen, your dad was completely wrong. I want to hear you. I want you to know that your feelings matter, your thoughts matter. And if you feel that way, I want you to be able to say it to me and know that I'll accept it. And I want to tell you if that's true, I'm going to work on it. And I love you. And I was wrong. And she gave me a big hug, and I left there sobbing like a little boy. The only reason that happened, and I've gotten way better at it, is I become an observer of my thoughts on an obsessive level. If I'm not happy, I'm obsessing. If I'm happy, why am I obsessing? If I'm nervous, About something. What am I thinking? It's always your thoughts. So many times. We'll like, oh, you're not doing your homework. You didn't clean your room. Why didn't you pick up your towel? Why did you get a B? Or why did you get a C? Or why'd you get a D? It's so easy for us to acknowledge the things that are wrong and we forget all the things they do right. What the hell has this got to do with marketing and sales? And maybe some of you can really already get the association, but here's what I want to say. The same things that make me a great dad are the same eight things that make me a great marketer. It's all about them and how you make them feel. It's all about your clients. It's all about understanding. It's about number two, about finishing sentences that are in their head. So many times in our lives, we think we know what people need. People don't buy what they need. People don't. People buy what they want. You gotta make sure they want it. How many people do, you know, invent something and they're like, this is the invention the whole world needs? Not necessarily. If they want it, they'll buy it. I have a cousin, my oldest cousin, my oldest first Cousin is like 77 years old. I'm the youngest of 12, I'm the youngest of the youngest. He's the oldest of the oldest, and he's like, you know, 20 something years older than me. And my always was trying to invent stuff. And I remember as a kid, he invented a to go coffee cup that had this little hook on it that you could hang your muffin on it or hang your donut on it and the heat of the coffee would warm your donut. He thought that was the thing that was going to make him a billionaire because he thought everybody needed it. And I remember being like 14, going, who eats donuts anymore? Like, that's what I remember thinking. But he thought, everybody needs this. And he sold two, like legit two, because he wasn't living in the mind of his clients and his prospects. He wasn't entering their conversations. He was in his own. He loved what he was doing so much. He just thought everybody would take it. They won't unless they want it. And sometimes, ready for this, and you should write this down. Sometimes you have to sell people what they want and give them what they need. You have to sell them what they want and give them what they need. If you like today's podcast, then you're going to love being a part of my texting community. What's that mean? You could text me right now at 480-49019 or it should be below right here. And it comes directly to my phone. Doesn't go to my team, it comes to me. I've been absolutely loving the interaction. I send out some cool things about once a week. I text nothing but things to get your week going, to get your mind thinking. And when we have new videos and things like that, I always text my community first. It has absolutely been a blast and I'd love for you to do it right now. Text me 480-40-0990 19 do it. Text me.