Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal. Go After Your Dreams Now w/ Rob Riggle

I was exhausted and I wanted to go to bed, but I knew I had a potential SNL audition, so I needed to go work on my characters. And I'm standing on the corner of 31st and 7th Avenue cussing myself out, going, get off your ass. Why did you come to New York, you piece of shit? You know, did you come here so you can go home and nappy nap? No. You came here to get a job and to get on Saturday Night Live. So get your ass down to the UCB theater and do hump night and work on your character. You can do it in the morning. No, no, you can't do it. I'm literally yelling at myself.

Own your future, because if you don't, someone else will. Welcome back to the Own youn Future podcast. I am so excited for the interview we have today. Hold on to your seat. I think this is going to be absolutely unique, different, fun. You know what I love about this is we have a gentleman who not only has served our country here in America for 23 years in one way shape or form, has more medals than you could possibly imagine, but is one of the greatest comedic actors of our time. This guy has made me laugh more than most. We definitely have the same sense of humor. There's a list of movies, a list of accolades. Maybe you know him from the other guys. Modern Family, the Hangover, and so many other incredible roles. I'm excited to have Mr. Rob riggle. Rob, welcome to the show.

Thank you so much. It's such an honor to be here. It's really nice to meet you.

You know, listen, we all like different comedy, I have to be honest. But there are scenes that you've had in your career and I'm so glad we have a chance. You don't get usually get a chance to share with somebody that have put me on the floor. We have the same kind of humor. You know, there's certain humor that just hits me and yours is so magical. We'll get talking about that today. But really great to have you.

Well, thanks. I appreciate that.

You know, and I think it's so incredible. Military for 23 years, Marines, Afghanistan. To say, like, from that to the comedic actor you are. I'm sure there was a lot of gifts in both of those that served each other and helped promote. But I guess to start it off is where was that transition to go from one to the other? Because, you know, there's a lot of people transitioning right now. Covid. Covid kind of pulled back the curtain on a lot of things. In life, you know, it hit people in a lot of different ways. It hit some people on the Depression side. It hit some people. I know, people that were forced to stay together and their marriages ended or they had to learn more about their children or staying home. They realized that the job they were in was slowly killing them, and enough was enough, and they had to quit. They had no other choice but to quit. And I think we're in the midst of so much change, Rob, that people are just trying to figure out, like, where do I fit in? Like, the goal post has been moving so much, like you told me, that's the way to score. But now the goal post is over here, and you adjust your life. You're like, no, no, no. It's not there anymore. It's over here. And I think people are going through this. And I just thought it'd be a great question to ask you. As you made a shift, you probably got a lot of no's. You were probably uncertain. Family probably told you you were nuts. Inner gut telling you nuts. So maybe we could talk a little bit about that. How did you juggle both or do both? And.

You know, it's so interesting in the sense of what you just described, because you described a lot there. And, you know, the pandemic or the. Just the. Whatever you want to call did screw things up. It did mess people up, and it caused so much fear. And fear is that throws everything into chaos all the way. I mean, everything you've known, everything that you anchor yourself to gets turned upside down. And so right now, we are in a lot of that confusion. But to answer your question about me. Yeah, listen, I think I was voted most humorous in my senior class, and not because I was a class clown. Class clowns, in my opinion, are disruptive. I was never disruptive. Was. I like to think I was more clever than that. But humor and comedy, I've always enjoyed it. I've. And I always enjoyed the throwaway lines. You know, I don't even like to be the big, you know, ham in the room. I like to. I like the subtlety. I like the straight man much more than I do being the big bombastic bull in a china shop. I end up playing that a lot. But that's fine. That's comedy. You get to get to do everything. But so comedy and acting were always a passion and something. I just loved movies growing up and television and then, you know, being a Midwesterner. You know, you go to college, you got to get a job. I mean, come on, what are you doing? You know, you're not gonna go to college and spend all that money just so you can go, you know, wait tables and try to be an actor. Come on, now, focus. What are you gonna do? So I was lucky. I had my pilot's license when I was an undergrad, something my grandfather did for me. He always wanted to be a pilot, and he kind of vicariously was living through me, I guess. But I got a flight contract with the Marine for serving. I was very patriotic. I still am, but at the time, you're a very patriotic young man. And I really just believe in this country. I believe, you know, with. Even with our flaws, even with our shortcomings, I still think we're the best thing going out there today. And. And so I just believed, you know, the best way I could give back was through service, military service. You know, there's all kinds of ways to give back, or there are other. All kinds of ways to serve. For me, I just figured my skills, my mentality, my mindset, my. My gifts fell into this military service category. So that's what I did. And. And I was very glad to do it. I joined when I was, like, 19. I was still in undergrad. I think I was a sophomore. And no regrets. I wouldn't change a thing. For me, that was the passage from boyhood to manhood.

Yeah. Yeah.

It was about that time in my life when, you know, you kind of. You. You have to take a little. Well, you have to take ownership of your life, which is the hardest thing to do.

That's why no one coming to save you. Yeah. You realize there's. It's on you.

Yeah. And. And, you know, you.

You.

You get to a point where hopefully there should be a little embarrassment about, you know, going back and asking mom and dad for everything. You know, at some point, you got to be like, okay, you know, this is my life now.

What?

So the first decision, first adult decision I ever made, ever, that was mine and mine alone, that I had to own, was joining the Marine Corps. And I was glad I did. I wouldn't change a thing. So, anyway, I ended up doing that. But the haunting feeling of, God, I really want to be an actor. I really want to try this. There's something in me that thought, I think I can do this. I really, really do. Now, I never told anybody that because, you know, you don't want to deal with all the backlash and all the doubters, and they're not haters. They're just afraid. I don't know, whatever their Problem?

Yeah.

No.

And the reason I asked you that, and I probably was a broad question, narrowed it down a little bit, but you're right on track. The. The point of military to comedic, like, that's an extreme. It seems extreme from the outside, right? Structure, right? Everything structure. And it seems like the complete opposite. And I believe a lot of people watching, especially watch my show or listening to my show, I believe most have a dream in the invisible that would be afraid to share with certain members of their family that would say, hey, Rob, you're a great guy. You're pretty funny on the weekends after a beer, but come on, right? Like, get a real job and do the comedy show and don't tell anybody. You could get it out of your system, right? But. But though yours gets to be televised, right, the world gets to see, and you get to be such a. More of an inspiration. What I love is I love the human journey. I love the entrepreneurial journey. I love the person who takes uncomfortable action. I love the underdog story. I love. You know, I love the saying, they don't make statues of critics. They make statues of the crazy people, the dreamers, the ones you know. At first they make fun of you, then they say you got lucky, and then they ask you how you did it. And then the third thing they're telling friends, they know you, right? Like, hey, I know, Rob. I knew. I knew all through high school. Bullshit. Excuse my language. Right?

That's it. You nailed it, though. That's totally it.

But that's the journey, right? And right now, most people do that in silence. They're not on tv, right? They don't get to do the fun things, but. But they're having the same human experience. And I believe there's a lot of people listening right now that are a millimeter away from saying, I gotta do it. I just have to. And that's why I love doing this show. I don't run ads on my show. I'm grateful. This is one of the top podcasts in the world in its category, and we've only been doing it about 12, 14 weeks, and we're one of the top shows in the world. And I believe the way I look at it is there's a lot of things to listen to, Rob, a lot of things people can be doing. And I'm not looking to make total life transformation in 50 minutes or so, but if there's one thing we could give somebody today that goes, God damn it, I'm not playing small anymore. I'm not hiding my dreams. I don't need someone else's permission. It's all on me. I got one life. I don't want to get to the end and be like, damn it, I wasted it. So that's why I love an interview like this. So I didn't mean to make that a long rant, but, but this means a lot to me because I know what you must have experienced in the invisible, the self doubt, they call it imposter syndrome in today's world. Like, come on, maybe I am funny at the party, but can I really make it in Hollywood? A Midwest guy who's been in the military, Can I really make it in Hollywood? So I'll leave it there. That's why I just wanted to give some emphasis, like why I love this story so much.

Well, thanks. And I couldn't agree more with what you and I are very synced up in the way I think we look at life and the way we approach, approach it because I think we've had similar teachers and similar, you know, we've read all the books probably, or you've read more than I have. But I, I, I, I, I'm also on a personal growth. I love it. I mean, it's insatiable for me. There's always places to improve. There's always ways to, to, to get an edge or to, to grow. And so, but you're right. So, so with that in mind, you know, there's, there's all those cliches are so wonderful because they're so real. They're so real. Like, you know.

Yeah, like so, so back to where I, before I interrupted you, you know, this, this journey in the military, doing your thing, but in the back of your mind, it's like, I want to try this thing, right?

So, so, so imagine I'm a second lieutenant in the Marine Corps. I'm in, I've already, I've done officer candidate school, I've done the basic school. I'm down in. I went through aviation indoctrination in Pensacola. Now I'm at Corpus Christi. I'm going through flight school. I finished primary flight training, I finished intermediates. I got helicopters. I was headed back to Pensacola to start flying those. And I realized, you know, once I pin those wings on my contract started, I would have been in for X amount of years, 10 years, 11 years before I had a chance to get out. By then I wouldn't get out. I would, you know, because I'd be too close to retirement. Oh my God, my dream of acting is gone. It just poof like that. And I was like, oh, wait a minute. So I. I had to have a, you know, that. That moment in your life where you have conversations. And the funny thing is, is I didn't have personal coaching. This is the early 90s. This is, you know, this is not. This was, you know, personal growth. It just. It was a very new thing. And. But I do remember I had to be my own coach. I had to. And this comes back in my life a couple times where I just, like, I will never forget it. I was. I had a Ford Explorer. I drove down to the beach, because you could drive onto the beach in Corpus Christi back then. And I just drove down onto the beach, and I was reading a book at the time, Tony Robbins, Unlimited Power. Yeah. And I. I made. I just said, what? You know, what do you want to do with your life? And I kept going back to this and going back to this. And I had a friend who was doing improv up in Chicago, and he kept calling me, going, this is what we did in college. It has a name, though. It's called Improv. You got to do it. You do it better than these guys, I'm telling you. So I had him in my ear. I was flying. I had my pilot's license already. I knew how to fly planes. It wasn't that. It was just. I just was. I don't know. I felt like if I didn't do it, I would always regret it. You know, it was. You know, these are simple things where you say, well, can I live with not doing? Can I live with not knowing? Sure, it's gonna suck, and the regret's gonna bother me and haunt me. So what can I do? Well, okay, let's go through the options and start, you know, problem solving. Well, I could. I could withdraw from flight school. I could stay in the Marine Corps. I could finish that. My ground. I become a ground officer, finish that and then go pursue it. And I'd still be in my 20s, and I could still. You know, I still have a fighter's puncher's chance at this. That's what I ultimately did. But I had never quit anything in my life. So on the. In the back of that book, that Tony Robbins book I wrote, the first thing I'm going to do, I said, I'm going to get on Saturday Night Live. I went, I just dreamed big right now, mind now, remember, I was a theater and film major in college, but I had never been on stage. You know, I'd been on stage like in a variety show one Time, like Rollerblades, doing some goofy thing, but.

Right.

But that was it. I'd never done anything, and I hadn't been on stage. And I don't have any family that's in the business. I don't even have any friends that were in the business. So it was all just go for it and dream big. So I wrote I'm gonna get on Saturday Night Live. That was September of 94. Okay, cut to September of 2004. I get a call from Lorne Michaels asking me to join Saturday.

Wow.

So 10 years. Yeah, 10 years. One marriage, one child. Two wars, multiple deployments. You know, a bunch of things happening. But if you keep your eye on the prize and you keep working towards. Everything I did on a conscious or subconscious level was always driving me towards that one thing, which I wrote at the top of that page, which was, I'm going to get on Saturday Live.

Yeah.

And then everything else for 10 years kept. Kept. You know, that was my beacon at the Hill. And I just. No matter what got my way, no matter what delayed me, no matter what, I just kept my eye on that. And eventually you gravitate towards it, and the universe comes together and helps those things happen as well. You don't have to know everything. You don't have to have all the answers. You just have to know where you're going.

God, isn't that a great lesson? Especially in today's world with these phones that give us instant gratification. Right. I love the saying, you know, we all overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in 10. Right. Tony Robbins says that all the time, who's a mentor of both of ours and a dear friend of mine and partner. And the second thing he says while we're on the Tony Robbins track, that really hit me when I listened to him 27 years ago, is the whole fact that life happens for us, not to us. And that one stuck with me to this day. And here's the thing. When people hear that, they first go, yeah, but no one likes going through a divorce. I went through a divorce. I have children from my previous marriage, and I have two children from my current marriage. And the complexities of that. And I have teenagers. I know you do as well. You have teenagers right now, too. I'd like to talk about that. That's the greatest learning lesson of them all. We could throw all of these out. That is a whole different world I'd love to chat a little bit about with you or chat about that. With you. But that whole point of, if you really understand those two principles, that life is happening for us, maybe it's not our time. Right. My grandmother used to say to me, rob, I grew up with my grandmother a lot. She raised me more than my parents. My parents split when I was three. Kind of dumped on grandma's lap, right? And every time I would share something or I wish something was more. I wish we had more money. I wish I was taller. I wish I grew quicker. And my grandmother would say, stick to your goals. And it all happened in your time. And she goes, and your time is different than other people's time. And. And I just. All in your time. And I was. You're young. Like, what the hell does that mean, my time? I want the nicer car now. Like, but it'll happen in your time, Right? One more thing. I'm on a roll here, but I want to. Ever read the book the World's Greatest Salesman by Ogmund Dino?

Yes. It's one of the best.

Okay. I've read it way too many times, right? Yeah, way too many times. But there's a couple things he says in there that really stick out in life, and it makes me think about that journey. You wrote it down. And 10 years later, I'll put it this way. When I first read Tony Robbins, probably I wrote down, someday I want to meet him and be on his stage. And now we're on stage. We were on stage together yesterday. Like, you know, that's awesome.

That's so awesome.

But there's a couple things that Ogmundino book, it said, I will persist until I succeed. Right. And I love that word persist because I think it's the only word in the English language that can guarantee your success. Right. If you persist long enough, it's inevitable. It's got to happen. We got to watch the instant gratification. I've been trying for six months, and it didn't work. Yeah. But what does it feel like to go at something for 40 years and get to the end of your life and realize I didn't persist and I just took status quo and I missed it? Like, I have a huge fear of getting to the end of my life and, like, God, not being as nice as you think, just as a joke and, like, plays you a video of the man you could have been? Hey, Rob. Yeah. That was pretty cool. You were really good in the military. Hey, can I show you this video of these movies you would have been in? Like, no, wait, please, please, can I go back? Like, I think of that. Wait, maybe I think of that too much, Rob. Like, I don't. I want to get to the end of my life and God, be like, you're one crazy dude. Like, I can't. Like, I talk. I gave you free will, but you really went after that. Free will, right.

Yeah, absolutely. And that's what it should be. That's how you should live life, I think.

Yeah. But before we get to the next thing, I want to share on the Ogmundino thing is.

And it's by the way, going back to what you said earlier, too, I agree with that quote. Because another quote that I always keep in my mind is it's really, really hard to beat somebody who never quits. Really hard to beat them.

It's impossible. They just keep getting up. Right. They keep. You know, but what. What pre. What's. What pre. Frames that or what should I say? What comes before the. Never giving up. What comes before. I will tell you, like, succeed from my experience.

Fear. Fear comes before all of that. And. And the greatest thing you'll ever do for yourself is charge the fear. Stare into the fear, lean into the fear, confront it, go through it, and you get to the other side and you realize you didn't die. Your life wasn't screwed up. You're not broken. You get through it. And you've heard all these again, the cliches, but all your dreams are on the other side of that.

Oh, my God. It literally was on my mind. We are. Yeah, from the same cloth. Like. Like every time I'm afraid, I'm like, God damn it, God darn it. That my. I know there's a better life on the other side of that and always.

But it's so painful. It's so painful and it's so scary. And we hold on so tight to the things we have that we're afraid to let go of them for something else. It's that one in the hand is better than two in the bush. But I'm telling you that's not the case. You know, I have found that every time I've gone through something that is uncomfortable or fills me with fear or anxiety, if I just confront it and you know, it doesn't. Confrontation. I'm making it sound like it's a. It's a blunt force thing. It's not always, but. But if you just go into it, if you just say, I gotta go, I gotta go have this conversation, I gotta go do this one thing, I gotta pick up the phone and call that guy and ask for that favor. I gotta do the thing that makes you uncomfortable. It's amazing. Those action steps, those are the things that make it all come true. And nobody takes those things because they're afraid. They paralyze themselves with whatever they could. We could all convince ourselves to stay put. We can all convince ourselves to retreat to comfort. We can all. That's a daily conversation. Daily. But I'm telling you, I got it the first I got. I got up on stage in New York. I hated it. I hated it. I had panic, I couldn't speak. I thought I made the biggest mistake of my life. I thought, I can't believe I gave up flying to come do this. It really was. I was so depressed and so sad when I went home that night after that first time on stage that I just was. I wanted to die. Really. It was a low point. And I'm in this, you know, 350 square foot studio apartment in New York going, what? What am I doing? And I was so mad at myself and mad. But it's that burn your ship thing too, because I was like, well, I didn't quit fly as gold, you know, to not be here. I did all of this to be here. So I'm sorry it sucked. But go back and do it again. Yeah, and go back and again. Yeah, and go back and do it again. And eventually, guess what? It started to work. It started to work. I started to get some traction, I started to understand, I started to learn some hard lessons. But you just got, you know, I meet people. You meet people every day. But I meet a lot of young actors and comedians who. They all want the hack, they all want the shortcut. And I get it, I get it from a human nature. We all. It's human nature to want the path of least resistance. I get that. But sometimes you can't just put on a black belt. Sometimes you got to start with the white belt, then you get your yellow, then you get your green. You know, sometimes that's. You just have to do the work. I know that doesn't make people happy.

I think it's most all the time, at least in my work, in my life, it has been doing the work. And I think here's something, Rob, you've been 23 years through the military. Personal things that you've had to face. Fears, divorce, teenagers, life, movies. I'm sure being an actor, you've gotten. You've heard the two letter word more than most, right? No, sorry, you don't fit the role right. You prepare, you practice, you want it. You dream of it you manifest it, you journal, you sit on the beach and you already see yourself doing it. But the person making the decision didn't see your dream. Right? And, and the reason I say that is because as you share today and if anybody knows the incredible work you've done, I googled I know all the movies I've seen you in. Then I googled this morning, it was four times as many movies as I thought you were in. It was incredible to see. So someone sees you in movies, they know your history and like God. But Rob's got it, got it figured out now. And I would bet to say that there's still fears that you have, there's still worries you have in the invisible. And I would bet to say there is still. Unless I'm just guilty of this could be just me. I'm sure there's still the voice that says Rob, you've gone as far as you can go. It's time to find another career maybe, right? Like I think people think the voice goes away of like the self doubt voice. I call it the inner villain. I still have a conversation with that person all the time. I've just gotten better to say is you're never right. Like anytime I've listened to you, you've screwed up my life and every time I go against you, I'm scared. It still sucks, but I'm a better version of me on the other side. So is that voice still inside your head or is it just me always?

It's, it's, and it's not a bad thing. It's not daily, it's not, you know, it's not a torturous thing, but it's there. It's there and it, and it will, it will rear its ugly head at the worst times. It'll, you know, it'll come up when you're weak or when you're tired or when you're fatigued. I, you know, it's so funny you mentioned this stuff too because it's real, the journey's real. Like I know a listers that still lament over how they're going to make a. They're living next year. I'm like, just relax, you're doing fine. You know, like, but, but I empathize because I'm sure people look at me and they're like, oh, you're fine. No you're not. It's, it's. I watched, I watched a movie the other night, Office Space. It's a comedy from the 90s or whatever. But, but in the end, Ron Livingston's character, you know, he just, he's like, oh, I'm done with this. And he goes, you know, and, and works in construction and is so happy. And I was like, you know what? I'd like to do that. I'd like to just go do something, you know, because when you, when you, when you get filled with fear, you reorganize your desk because you can control that. Or you, you know, you want to make changes because that voice in your head says, I think we're done here. Let's find something else. And that's that ADD or that, you know, attention Deficit disorder or whatever. It's, it's, it's that escapism where I'm like, yeah, you know, maybe. No, just redouble your efforts. Just reapply yourself. You know how to do this, you know how to do it well, get back in the game, you know, that's why I'm saying, like, self coaching. When I went down to the beach, I had to coach myself. I had to make pledges to myself. I had to make guarantees to myself. I had to make deals with myself that I honored. The. Before I got snl, I had taught an improv class. I had worked all day and Corporate America. Then I went and taught improv and I was exhausted and I wanted to go to bed, but I knew I had a potential SNL audition, so I needed to go work on my characters. And I'm standing on the corner of 31st and 7th Avenue cussing myself out, going, get off your ass. Why did you come to New York, you piece of shit? You know, did you come here so you can go home and nappy nap? No, you came here to get a job job and get on Saturday Night Live. So get your ass down to the UCB theater and do hump night and work on your character, okay? You can do it in the morning. No, no, you can't do it. I'm literally yelling at myself like a crazy person.

I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing with you because I've done the same. I.

Right, you've done the same. Yell at yourself. You have to coach yourself because no one's going to do it for you. And when I say, you know, I'm yelling at myself. It's not a, you know, me being creative or a euphemism. I'm standing on the sidewalk yelling at myself as if I was a coach in a locker room, yelling at myself to go do the work. Get off my ass. Quit making excuses. Quit being lazy because These opportunities don't come around every day. And if you want to capitalize, you've got to be prepared. So go get prepared. And you know what? Get a little mad about it sometimes. It gets you off your ass. It gets you moving, gets you going to do something.

The only reason I'm smiling is this is about you today. So I don't want to share about my story too much, but 23 years ago, 27 years ago, I bought Tony's courses and infomercial and all the off of his infomercial. And I decided, hey, I want to be in this business. Like I owned at the time, Rob. I owned a collision shop that I started when I was 17 called Dean Collision Center. I had 23 apartments and I had a tow truck company in a small town in upstate New York, right? I came from a trailer park, didn't have anything. I was just running away from being a broke kid. So I had some good momentum. My family thought, this is gonna be the richest kid in our whole family. I watched Tony Robbins, I listened to everything he does. And I go, screw this. I'm meant for more. Just like you felt about being on stage. I'm like, I want to be in this industry. Tony gave me information. It changed my life. I want to find information to give. I want to be in the business of changing lives. I packed up, I moved out to Arizona, where I live now, because there was a company that, like Tony's not as good, of course, went out of business. There was like a hundred employees that knew the industry. So I commuted from a year. I'd go back to New York and work on cars, drive a tow truck in the middle of the night. And then I'd fly back out to Arizona for two weeks and work on writing books and courses and trying to produce an infomercial. I remember like it was yesterday. The moment I was like, are you a freaking idiot? You're not Tony Robbins. You're not six foot seven. I'm five seven on a good day, right? Like, you're not. You don't have money. You don't have the connection. You don't have that voice. You haven't been doing this. You didn't go to college. You don't have great grades. You have dyslexia. You're never going to make it. The reason I laughed, I had a walk from the house I bought out here to the gym was a two mile walk. I remember the day I was standing on the corner of Osborne and Indian School Road. You know exactly where you were I remember sitting there. I remember because you remember moments in life. I remember because I'm at the corner, corner, walking to the gym, going, God damn it, it doesn't matter. It's going to make me strong. Like, I knew all the words from Tony Robbins and lots of personal development, but I had to get them into my soul. And I remember having an argument with myself and I remember coming up with this mantra. I was like, if I can get through this, I can get through anything. And I'm sitting on the corner going, if I can get through this, I can get through anything. Because my business in New York started to decline because I was out in Arizona. So now I got to decline declining business in New York. And I'm trying to start one that's not making me money yet. And I'm in that gap of like, if this doesn't work, there's nothing left. So I'm going, if I can get through this, I'll be stronger. And I'm hitting my chest. And the reason I remember is because I looked up, the light was green and the person didn't go. They were just staring at me like, in horror. There was literally a man like this, like, like, who are you talking to? Because I was having a full out argument. So I've never shared that before on camera, but true story. So I get that.

I know it. I know it so well. I know it so well. You're letting go of one life just to chase that other life. And you're in that gap and you're your only coach. You're. You're the only one, and you've got to overcome. You. That's the battle, you know, that's the battle. And outside coaches are great. They can be wonderful. Obviously, I learned a lot from Tony. You learned a lot from Tony. That's an outside coach. But at the end of the day, you got to be the coach. You got to be the captain of your own ship and you got to. You got to take the responsibility for it, which is terrifying.

Because you got no one to blame. Like, right. But there is something resorting about that, isn't there? A freedom of going, it's on me. Like, listen, you might not.

When you finally own it, when you finally own it and you accept it, you say, you know what? I'll just put it on my back. It's mine and not everybody else's rocks. Put my rocks on my back and I will carry my rocks. And then you know what? Your failures, they don't hurt as much because you're Learning from them, you're growing from them.

You're so true.

It's so much better. And, and you know, we fear that. And I talked to my son, we remember we were talking about teenage, I got a teenage boy. And I don't, I don't overload them with stuff because their attention spans that of a sand flea. But for, for the most part, you know, I want him to understand that. I'm telling you, son, if you just own it and take responsibility, your life is going to be infinitely better. It's just going to be better. But it's so hard to accept. That's why they call growing pains. It's not growing easy, it's growing pains. And it's painful to learn these lessons, painful to take on the responsibility. It's painful to say, that was my fault or that was a bad call or, God, I shouldn't have done that because, you know, there's regret stuff. But if you don't look at it as regret, you learn it. Look at it as growth and improvement, man. It's a win.

And what if it's. When you look at it and realize it is a needed ingredient, like without that ingredient, the happiness, the joy, the success, the abundance, it just doesn't come right? So it's so funny. I want to talk about the teenage thing there in a moment. We talked about the grind, the grit, right? The I will persist until I succeed. Just don't ever give up. You can't, you can't never bet on someone who's unwilling to give up because they'll win. Right? And then I said, if you go upstream a little bit, what comes before that? You said fear, right? Fear of the unknown, fear of stepping off the path, Fear of what if it doesn't work out? And he talked about, which is so true every time in my life, not sometimes my next level lived on the other side of the thing. I was either ignoring, putting off or was afraid of. But if you go upstream one more, what comes before that? I believe you'll agree with me. If you don't have a strong reason, a compelling reason, a focus to fight for, right? You fought for Saturday Night Live, and whether it took you a year or ten, you fought for it. And it's the reason I, I, it's a lot of times I did on Stage yesterday to 8,000 people live yesterday, he was talking about, you've heard you need purpose, you need passion. Yeah. Like, those words get burned out. They're like, so numbing. Like, find your why, right? You've heard Them. But if I look in my life, I dug deep ages ago, Rob. And my why was. My parents were married nine times. They're really. They're good at getting married, not so good at staying married, right? So they got married nine times. Between them, I moved 20 times. By the time I was 19 years old, I'd have new step grandparents and stepbrothers and sisters and, you know, Sunday dinners for five years. And you think, and then you come home from school one day and it's like we're leaving, right? And I remember in my life there was so much not poor me. I wouldn't change my childhood for anything. But there was so much uncertainty. I was so not in control of the friends I'd feel fall in love. So I started putting a shell on my heart. It's like I can't get too close to people you do, they just leave. And there was a certain time in my life where I'd like no, no. I need to be in control of everything. I need to be in control of. I wear a black T shirt pretty much every day. I need to be in control of how I raise my children. I drive my kids to school, I pick them up from school, I make my kids lunches. I. When my kids were little, I'd coach their softball, coach their baseball. I. I put it in my head so strong and I want to hear yours, that I equated it to death, almost death. If someone else said, I'm sorry, Rob, I know your son's playing in that championship game, but we got to get this work done today. You can't go or no, sorry, you can't drive your son to school because I need you here at 7 o' clock every day. I equated anything that took away from me being in control of the husband I am now. I wasn't so good a husband at my last, my first round. I'd just be honest with that. And now I'm married to the love of my life. I ain't screwing this up, right? So my, my relationship gets 100% focus and me being a better man for that amazing woman. And I have four kids now. I want to be the dad that probably my dad wished he could have been. And I will die before I will climb through glass. I will break through a brick wall like that purpose is so strong that I say in my head three things. I never want to go backwards. I want my kids to have choices and I need to be in control and control of my calendar. So the days things are tough, I Get let down. I'm scared. I have imposter syndrome. I am fearful. I don't feel like keep going. Even though I want to quit, but I keep going. It all goes upstream from the. Everybody will say, man, I know you have this reputation. I know I do. Is that guy is relentless. He just will not quit till it's done right. Also, I'm still scared and I move forward, but it all is housed in this why the hell I do it. Besides Saturday Night Live, is there a deeper purpose for you that drives you to be that guy who never quits?

Absolutely. Absolutely. I, you know, and some of it may be just old school traditional mentality, but I believe I'm responsible for providing for my children and the loved ones in my life if possible. You know, I need to do that at the best I can. And it's not just financially, but that is a big part of it.

Yeah, of course.

You know, but also to try to be a mentor. And, and I realize, you know, when I talk to my kids sometimes, you know, their eyes glaze over because here goes dad, he's talking about, you know, whatever, and I get it, but. So I try to be the example because they see that and that's just osmosis. That's gonna, that's gonna. The accumulative effect of that will take take care of itself. My dad was a one is a wonderful father. And it's because he, you know, he didn't do a lot of preaching. He, you know, he did what he should do. You know, don't stick your finger into a socket. Stay away from this. You know, don't do that. You know, here's a good decision. You might want to not, you might want to talk nice to girls. You might want to do this, you might want to do that. But he just set the example. And I would watch him on a daily basis and it, it just resonated. I was like, man, people respond well to my father. Why is that? I was curious. Well, because he's got a smile on his face all the time. Because he has a pleasant disposition, because he's truthful. Because if he says he's going to do something, he does it. And so I absorb that. So then I, I realized that's the best teacher. And then when I was in the Marines, you know, one of they teach you a lot of great leadership lessons and a lot of you really get some of the best leadership training in the world. And the number one thing I was always set the example. If you want your Marines to, you Know, have the right uniform and look good and be sharp and da, da, da. You got, then you've got to do that, you've got to emulate that so they can see it firsthand and see how you, your thought process. Why is the. I was so lucky. One time I was a general's aide, temporary aid for a general. But I got to sit in all his meetings and I listened to how he reasoned and I listened to how the questions he asked. And you know, I just remember how his decision making and watching him do his thing, he lived the principles, he lived the values. And it wasn't just show. It wasn't just something he said in a room so that everybody thought, oh, he's really focused on, you know, doing the right things. No, he, it's what he believed in his core, and it's what he honored. And so he did a wonderful job of doing that. Made me think. Yeah. You know, people are at their best when their words and their, their intentions and their heart, it's all lined up.

Yeah.

You know, you can say things and feel another way, which I think is what's going on in America right now. We say what everybody needs to hear so that we don't get accused of being evil or bad or something, but it's not how we feel. And so.

Amen.

We're not.

Amen to that.

We're not, we're not congruent. We're not lined up. And so the, the authenticity is gone. And, and that, you know, that to me is, is really what anchors you if you're going to be a leader. You know, the authenticity. Do your words. Is your heart and are your intentions lined up? And you had mentioned the word control. You know, that's something that you needed to feel in your, in your ultimate why or you know, the thing, some of your core stuff. And I agree. But, but control. I know control freak. That word freaks people out because they associate it with something evil. But it's not. So I was, I, I do. Intentional. I'm trying to be as. Intentional.

I like that word.

And, and you know, it's not that I need to work out. It's because I, I'm. My intention is to lose weight. My intention is to be fit. My intention is if I go on a hike with my son at my age, you know, I'm not huffing and puffing. You know, I'm, I'm leading the hike. I'm not, I'm not playing catch up. You know, if, if, if I'm going to take on A challenge. Then I decide what I'm, how I'm going to do it. So intentionality, I think is part of it. But yeah, if you don't have your why square in your mind, you, you're going to be rowing in opposite directions on occasion. That's. Yeah, you know, I would just get congruent, get often, get authentic, get your, your thoughts and your actions aligned. Be intentional about that. And it's, it's like a juggernaut. It will push, it will propel you forward. You can't. It cannot.

No. So true. And believe me, I get it. Of not preaching to your kids, but you want to give them the examples. And this is what I do for a living. Right. This is what I do every single day. And I want to go home and just preach to him every day. Question. How old are your kids?

19 and 15.

Your boy's 19 or 15?

My daughter is 19 and she's off at college and my son is a sophomore in high school.

Yeah. So I have a freshman in high school, a boy and my daughter's 17, so a little bit similar.

Yep.

And I want to share a little something with you that might help as a parent, but I, but it was a great lesson for me that I think will benefit everybody. So if you're a parent, great. And if you're not, it's still a great lesson. But this is something pretty cool as a parent, you know. It is. I love that saying is like when you have your own kids, you call your parents and you say I'm sorry and thank you. Like, you know what I mean? Because it's so selfless and non rewarding. You feel like kids don't see the 400,000 decisions a year you make for them. Like you just want to go, do you know what changes I've made in my life for you? Right. So the school my son is in, they had a sleepover this Friday. So this previous Friday from you and I recording this and the next day after the sleepover and it's a, it's a Catholic school that he goes to. It's a school he wanted to be in. They went and helped with charity together. They did team bonding. It's really great. It's about leadership. It's a really great school. Long story short, the next day they invite the dads and the school has a big brother, little brother system. So the 11th and 12th grade boys become big brothers to the little ones and they mentor them all through their high school years. They got someone to talk to. They feel alone this is their group. They meet once a week. So they had us parents go in rooms with other big brothers, not in the same room where your kids are. So it was with three big brothers, 11th and 12th graders, and about 15 ninth graders. My son's in ninth grade. And they started this conversation to ask these boys. So I want. I want you to hear this because it might help you, because it helped me. They came up with some really great questions. And. And the. The big brother, he's a 12th grader. Kids on rugby, really well spoken. I'm like, I want my boy to be a big brother, right? It steps you out and put you out in front, right? And he said, kids, what are some of the things your parents do that make you feel loved or make you feel good, right? And it went around the room, and I was in complete shock. You know what all of them said, Rob? And I think this is a great lesson for all of us. A lot of them basically said, to paraphrase, it's the little things my parents do, even though sometimes I say I look like I don't recognize them, or I say, don't do that anymore. One was when my dad comes to my games. Another one was, my mom still puts notes in my lunchbox. My dad's super busy, but he still takes me to school. And we talk on the way to school there. And one of the moms in the room goes, you mean you actually see all that stuff? And all the kids are like, we do. And it means a lot. And it was all these little things that I was like, wow, they are seeing it, right? And I think in life so many times we keep score, even in our personal relationships with our spouse. Like, I've been doing so much, I don't feel it's getting back. And when you don't feel it coming back, you slowly pull away. Like, well, when she steps up her game, then I'll give more. Or when he appreciates the work I do. And then all of a sudden, you're so in your head and there's this wedge between you. And it made me think of, I'm going to start feeling more love and appreciate appreciation when I give it and not worry so much about receiving it. And it gave me a lot of freedom this week because there's a lot of things you do for. In the invisible and teenagers, they're a little narcissistic. What did you say? The mentality of a. Of a sand flea, right? Like, there's things you do. It's like, did you know I Just shifted my whole plans to be here. And I pulled up and you said, dad, I'm not going to go with you. I'm going, my friend. See, it's like I just moved my whole day to come get you, right?

And it's like, whatever, throw away.

But I. But I think they see it. And you said something so powerful. Kids don't do what you say. They become who you are. And I think it's the same in life. And I told my wife, I. I told myself, I'm a little bit all over the place. But I. I'll. I'll loop it, I'll tie it all back together. I tell myself about the relationship I'm in now. I've been married for four years, together for seven, almost seven, after a divorce, and went through. We probably went through similar things, having kids and the fear of that and the pain and all those things. And I made a promise to myself that not to her, to myself. If my wife had a hidden camera on me for an entire week and saw everything, I did that at the end of the week when she watched it, she'd love me more. And I look through that lens every single day from what I say, what I text, what I think. And I made that decision.

That's a good one.

I made that decision with my children. Is like, I'm not gonna preach and tell them things if I'm not living it. So I'm just gonna live to be that version of me that if they watched a video that say, damn, that's who my dad really is. So anyway, I know that was a long share, but teenage years can be tough, right? You have these young kids who look at you like you're God and everything's amazing, and then there's a slow shift and then there's all of a sudden, not needed. Dad's cool. Love you, gotta go. And I think we have to find a way to. To embrace that and know that we did our jobs and we can fall in love of the giving, not necessarily the receiving. Anyway, I'll leave it at that.

No, that's. Yeah, every. I could listen to that all day. Because I agree 100%. And that's the eternal struggle of parents. You know, the. Your teenagers do go away. They do disappear on you. They do change overnight. You're like, what happened to my sweet little boy, my sweet little girl? You know what happened? And it's. But it. You have to also step back and say, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. This is part of the process. This is part of their Development. They need to be independent. They need to do things on their. Or at least feel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they feel independent. They're not actually independent.

They're not independent, but they like to think they are. I think they're got it all figured out. And then they really slowly realize as they go through the maturing process, you know, your recognition as a parent or any good deeds or all the love you gave. Oh, they figure it out. They all.

Yeah. Now they surely do. All right, I want to shift gears here. Thank you for. We got to know each other on our podcast, so thank you for sharing this. This. This is. I. I say it all the time. There's something or multiple things we said today that's going to shift somebody's life, and that's the reason I do these. And I'm so glad to have you on and get to know you, Rob. I look forward to getting to know you better through our mutual friends. Tell me what you're up to. How can I support you? Where can people find you? You got anything coming out? Are you gonna. Have you written a book? You're gonna write a book? You got a movie? Gotta. What's going on in your life? How do we support you? Yeah, how do we nudge you?

So kind. You're so kind. I appreciate that. Unfortunately, with the strike going on, I can't promote any of the things I'm doing in the entertainment space. There are things. So just when they do come back.

On the show, we'll talk about. We don't have to talk about parenting. We'll talk about what you're working on.

I. I haven't. I. I have an intention that this coming year, probably. Probably 24, to be honest with you, I would like to write a book. That's what I'm going. That's my. One of my big objectives, and I'm going to get it done in 24.

Love it.

It's. It's on. My yearly goal is far too many years and never been done. So 24 is the year. Gonna write a book? And then.

Can I give you a hack? Yeah, can I give you a hack? Because I have major dyslexia, and me sitting down to write a book is like me sitting down to have my toenails pulled out. Like, it's really hard for me. That's just not my thing. So what I've done is. And you use your own version of this, but write the things, the chunks. Like I like chunking. What are the chunks you want to talk about in the book? Doesn't even. Don't put them in order yet. That's what gets in our brain. Like, well, what comes first? Well, if I. If I overcome fear. But before fear, do I need purpose? But before purpose, do I need goal setting? Oh, no. I need goal setting with heart and emotions attached to it. Yeah, but does that really help me in the. Is it going to be more towards my acting career? Like, you can go down all these different roads, right? So what I'd say is don't think about what order they're going to be in. Just write down the things that you want to imp. What is the outcome you want from somebody to read this book when they're done reading them? Do you want them to feel empowered? Is it more personal development? Is it more a memoir? That's your thing. But when you find. When you think about what their outcome is, when they're done reading it, do you want them to laugh? Do you want them to laugh and cry? And then you think about the things you want to talk about. Then just write down the topics. Like give me one thing you'd love to talk about in your book. Just give me one. One thing.

Comedy starting in New York City. Comedy in New York.

Okay, now tell me one story that would be fun. You have to tell me the story. Tell me the. Is there one story that you would love to tell in the book about comedy in New York?

Probably the. Either the SNL audition or the first night I got up on stage.

Okay, so first night on stage. So the way I would do it, I would go in my phone, right? You know, the notes section in your phone. Yeah. And say one section.

Absolutely.

So one section. One section is going to be comedy in New York, Right? Let's just say comedy in New York. And when I talk about that, underneath it, I would write SNL story. First time on stage, Right. And then when you're in a mood, you're feeling one of those stories. Go on. You ever leave voice memos on your phone? You know the.

Don't.

Yeah. So on your phone, it looks like a heartbeat. Look, you can see it. Let's see. Right there. There's an icon in your phone. It looks like a heartbeat, right? That's voice memo, Right? You go on it. It looks like this. You guys listen to the audio. Right now, you can't see me, but you go on. What I'd say is, when you have those topics, list them all in your phone in the notes section. When you have an hour, you're in the mood, you're sitting out by a stream. You take a walk in the woods, and you're thinking about that SNL story. Just go on your phone, hit record, and just record it for an hour while you're taking a walk.

Ah.

When I first got on stage, I was scared to death. And you tell the story, and then when you're done with that, send it to Otter O T T E R, get it transcribed, and you have 75% of your chapter done.

I love that. I absolutely love that. I'm going to.

Because if you have been thinking about writing a book for a while, you are thinking about this linear process of, like a movie. I'm going to get a cabin in the woods, and I'm going to get my computer and I'm going to get a green drink and a Starbucks and I'm going to sit and the birds are going to be chirping and I'm going to write my story. That crap is never going to happen in the history of the world. Right. Just fit it in now. Like, write down the topics, write down the subtopics, and just look at them. When you're in a mood, hit record and start recording these. You will have all the ingredients of your book in three months from now. And then you'll look at it and go, oh, this goes before this. Oh. And then. Oh, no, New York should go after that. Oh, no, the time I failed in California should go here. Oh, my first movie gig should go here. You put them in a line, you clean them up a little, and you get an editor to help sew it all together. And you got your book.

I love that. I absolutely love that. I'm gonna use that. I am.

It's yours. That's my gift to you for being so.

Thank you. That I will take it. And I'm gonna use it. I'm excited to use it. I'm actually going to start today recording some stories. That's fantastic. I appreciate that.

Yeah. Because. Well, you'll wait. I promise you. I'll. I'll interview in 24. You're like, 25. My vision is to write a book.

Book.

I'll meet you when we're seven. You're like 2042. It is the year of the Rob Riggle book, Right? Hey, man, it has been an absolute pleasure. I appreciate spending this time with you. We look forward to. Hey, listen, when you do have something come out, when you do have a book come out, you have a movie come out.

I did think of something. Yeah, I did think of something. I have a podcast. I'm I'm gonna. I had a podcast called Wriggles Picks. It ran for about three years. Then Covid divorce, all that stuff happened. So it just. You know, my partner, she had the fellow comedian I did it with, she got pregnant, did her thing, so it just dissolved. I'm bringing it back nice. And I'm hoping to launch it in in October. At the end of October, beginning of November.

Well, make sure follow Rob on Instagram. You can find him easy under his name. Look out for his podcast. And when you write this book or do your next movie come back on, we'll promote the heck out of it for you. Rob, it's been an absolute pleasure having you on the show, man. Good to get to know you, dude.

It's such an honor to meet you. I've enjoyed your work for so long. So thank you.

Appreciate it. And everybody else, if you like this episode of the Own youn Future podcast, share it with someone right now. Subscribe. You know, I don't run advertising on here. I just do this for you. So a great way to say thank you. Let's get someone else to listen to it as well. We'll see you next time.