The 7 Steps To Creating Change That Lasts

How do you get through something when the carpet is pulled out from underneath you or when you make a decision? Welcome to the Dean Graziosi Show. All success starts right here. Before we get started today, I chose a topic today that I thought could help all of us in this really crazy time in the world. Right? We spent all this time with COVID and we're still in the middle of COVID and staying home and shifting world and pandemic and quarantine. New words that we haven't used. I don't remember using those words. Some of us are. Our careers have shifted. Some of us, our lives have shifted, our income has shifted. And then we get into just a horrific thing happening, a disgusting thing that happened here in America. And, you know, I don't want to go too deep into today. I hope you had the time to listen to my podcast or watch the video I put on Instagram yesterday. And I won't spend a lot of time on it today, but please know that me spending a lot of time on it, not a lot of time. It doesn't mean that my heart isn't aching, that I want to do my part to help fix this, to not be a bystander with just a voice, but to be someone who takes action, that we can solve a problem that's lingered for too long, that we can heal hearts, we can heal the old men's old anger, that we can bond as the human race. That we can make it so this never happens again. That we can be the generation that people look at in 100 years and go, their collective wisdom, their emotional intelligence came together and fixed it once and for all. We united. In a way. That's my goal. And what I want to share, too, is, you know, in crazy times like these, I don't know if I'm going to use the right words. I'm human. I'm far from perfect. But if I let my heart speak, that's all that can. It doesn't matter how it comes out. I have an intent not to just talk about it, but to be about it. Listen, when I'm not saying this to brag, and you guys already probably know this about me, but when. When I saw how many people go to bed hungry in America every single night, I got obsessed with feeding hungry people, and I aligned with Feeding America. And right now, we just passed 7 million meals that our company and myself have provided to people who need them. I don't come on here and brag about it. I don't shame other people for not doing It. What I do is I know there's a problem and I must take action. I can't have my kids look at me when they know there's a problem and I didn't do something about it. Doesn't mean that you can provide those meals. Maybe you don't have the money, but we can all do something on the things that affect our heart. When I found out that the sex slave industry and slavery was still happening, I had no idea. I'm sorry that I didn't know how bad it was when the curtain got pulled back when I realized how many children, 9, 12, 15, are robbed and put into this horrific world that I can't even imagine. I won't pretend to understand. I made the biggest, single biggest donation of my life in one day. Just be honest. I donated a half a million dollars when I found out every $2,500 allows this amazing organization called Operation Underground Railroad to go in and rob these kids back, rehabilitate them and give them a chance in life. I did a half a million dollar donation. Way more than I thought I was going to do. But it moved the needle again. I didn't come on here or post all over social media, me holding up a check. I just did something about it. And that's what I can do. Doesn't mean you could do that. Surely not. Bragging as a kid, whoever would have thought that would have been possible? But I feel completely blessed. It's the same thing here. The only thing I want to say today about this situation is horrific. It doesn't matter if it's a crime against humanity. Simple as that, right? Whether you're liberal or conservative, Republican, Democrat, Christian, Jew, doesn't matter. We know it's wrong and things need to change. Can we disagree with some of the looting? Of course. Can we disagree how certain things were handled? Can we agree that there's some bad cops, but there's amazing cops that are trying to fix this? And we can see that. Of course we're. We can agree on all of those things. That's just a fact. But here's the thing. I'll say if we truly want to make a difference, if we truly want to make a difference, here's the thing. We have to take action when no one's watching. Because though this is all over the media, though the voices are louder than ever, and I think it's an amazing thing and there's lots of new voices here, it will end. The media will move on to something else. The presidential election, something that the president does or someone else does, something will move on. And when that moves on, if we just go back to say, oh, I'm glad that's over and we look this way, this problem will happen again in five years, seven years, 10 years. Just the way it is. My mom, who's in her 70s, said, this feels like it did in the 60s, and she named them all. She goes, I can't take it anymore. So what we're doing is not working. What we did in the past isn't working. So the only thing I could say is, if we truly want to fix this, try to look through the lens of someone going through. I'm not going to pretend that I know what it's like to be African American. I'm a white person. I get it. And I might not say the perfect things. I'm not going to pretend to understand. I'm not going to pretend I have all the answers. All I can do is say, I am going to commit to doing more when no one's watching, when the media shuts off, I'm not going to shut off. When I found out about how many people being hungry, I did something when no one was watching. When I found out how many children are robbed into slavery, I can't even imagine that. Especially I have my little kids. I can't even imagine that being taken from your family and made to do things like that. I did something about it when no one was watching and continue to do something. Now that I truly, you know, I've always listen, I've raised my family in a way. The friends I surround myself with, the people I hire, the way my. The words come out of my mouth, the way I've raised my children. I always felt I'm doing more than most, than doing my part. And I realized it wasn't enough. When my daughter looks at me and says, dad, how could this happen? I can't say. I don't know. It wasn't something we. That's not who we are, babe. It's not enough. So I'm going to do more. So I just want to give you my word, Republican, Democrat, whatever your beliefs are, I'm going to be working behind the scenes when no one's watching to make an impact and get a lot of DMs. I got a lot of DMs in the last couple days, direct messages of people saying, okay, now I see you doing something, but Tony's not doing shit. My partner and dearest friend, Tony Robbins, not doing stuff. What you got to realize is some people are Doers, some are talkers, some people are out right now talking shit and trying to shame everybody because they didn't do enough when they really don't know what's going on behind the scenes. They don't know the money that we put behind it, the effort, the energy, the collaborations that we're working on. I'm working on collaborations right now with the community that knows how to fix it and we're going to make a difference. Do you know what Tony's doing tomorrow that he's been working on now for weeks? I don't know if you saw his message. Tony is sitting down with Martin Luther King's son, Rodney King's son, T.D. jakes, Magic Johnson, an amazing variety of the African American leaders with different perspectives. Because he's like, same thing. He's like, I want to make change, but I want to know the best way to make change. I don't want to guess. He's working, putting this group together. He's interviewing tomorrow. He's going to release it as a podcast. And I know my brother Tony, he will move the needle and he will not give up when the media gives up. So when we just think about that is, I guess, think collectively. If we want to be the generation, I don't know, let me know right now. Do we want to be the generation that shifts this in the world? No matter what your beliefs are? Can we shift enough beliefs to just say, no matter what you think it's time to. We are conscious enough, we have the emotional intelligence right now that we be the generation that actually moves the needle and makes change, that our children and our grandchildren can say, oh my God, that generation, damn. They finally just stepped up. They, they came together as the human race and they solved this for life. Can we do that? Can we get a yes on a, on a Today, Thursday? Can we get a yes on a Thursday afternoon again? Does it really matter what past beliefs we had, what your parents beliefs have? Maybe what your beliefs were six years ago? Here's where we are. I think we're strong enough to kick ass, take names and not talk about it, but be about it. I learned that saying from my wife when we were just dating. She literally said to me, you know what I like about you and my wife? I have to tell you, I'm the luckiest man alive. She's absolutely gorgeous, but that's got nothing to do with her. Her family are Mexican immigrants. And this is a woman who kicked ass, took names, built her own business, massively successful. I always tell this story As a joke, when I first met her and I saw the car she was driving and how she carried herself and the way she dressed, you know, she had never been married and like just traveled all over and did these amazing things. I have to be honest, her and I joke about it all the time. I thought to myself, she must have family money, like mad at myself because she was a hairstylist. But I didn't think a hairstylist could make the money she made. Totally have apologized. I thought she's just a badass and is effective and efficient. And we had these questions on, you know, what can we do as a family? And we just said, we're just going to kick ass now that we like, we're going to dedicate the time, effort and energy just to help be our part in solving this problem. We don't have to jump up and down and say, hey, everybody, look what we're doing. We're just gonna do it. We're just gonna execute and make that difference. So with that said, let's just be the generation that makes change. I don't know. I think that. I don't know. I think we can do that. So today, with that said, I thought I'd go through a training. Now, if you're a KBBer, you've seen this training that I've done before, you've seen it in the KBB course. But now we're together, live with a different circumstance in the world. And I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this in a way where you could use this problem to help solve what's going on in the world right now, but simultaneously help solve anything that's in your way or what will be in your way in the future. Now, I appreciate all the energy that's going on in here, guys. I can see all your messages coming in here. So thank you. I love this. Oh, my God. Look at all this. Please keep commenting. I just want to tell you this is why I don't look too much. Because now I want to read all these amazing comments coming in. But I want to give you something, tell you something. I will go back and read all your comments. Thank you for the comments of my beautiful wife. She is amazing inside and out. She is a hell of a human being. And there was more I wanted to say, but I don't want to digress so much. We're going to get to some training here today. So now let's get back. We had to talk about current affairs. How could we just. We can't Just not talk about it, right? But I want to tell you, for those of you who are new, I know, like every single month I will talk about the thing, the things that have moved the needle in my life the most, being an entrepreneur for over 30 years. But I want you to, I want you to really listen to this. Some of you are here because you're a part of my KBB family. What's up? Most amazing family in the world. Another most amazing family was the inner circle family. For what? You guys are here for the price. Really? This was a price? I want to tell you something. The price you guys pay for this, this was an introductory price years ago we were going to do. And I saw this family bond together and never raised the price. It's not the price. I want you to hear the value in this. The things I share today are things that took me a decade, two decades, three decades to figure out. This isn't just me mumbling. This isn't me coming up with, oh, I got this tool, a thing I want to just share with you. These are the things fundamentally shifted my life from where I was of struggle, worry, envy, wanting more, desiring more, want to donate more, want to impact more people's lives. You know, somebody says money doesn't buy happiness. You should have seen my wife and I when we had the ability to cut a half a million dollar check to Operation Underground Railroad, where I knew that was going to take young kids and women from slavery. I was one of the happiest moments of our lives. Money can buy happiness when it's done, when you use it for the right things. If money makes change and you earned it ethically, hell yes, money can shift the world. But what I want to share with you today is that each thing I share this exercise. I'm going to go to the whiteboard here in a minute. This isn't just something I thought of. Let me throw this at the inner circle group. These are the pieces. These aren't the little things that are the big things. These are the little things that are the everything's. These are the needle movers. These are the breakthroughs. These are the tools that I feel so blessed, have made a shift in my life. And I want to. I got to tell you this because there's so many new people on today. This isn't some tool I came up with when I was 25 years old. That's not how this works. If you're in kbb, you're getting this information on how to extract what you're Good at. This is in retrospect of saying, how the hell did I get through those obstacles in my life? How did I get through no money? How did I get through a divorce? How did I get through a failed business? How did I get through not having money, not having support? And when I looked back in retrospect, I was like, what did I do first? What was second? What was third? What was fourth? How did I come out? How did I come out of this? How did I become stronger? How did I go to the next level when everybody doubted me, when I didn't have money, when people didn't support me? And all of a sudden, by looking backwards, I was able to extract processes when I wanted to write my book. Millionaire success habits are the underdog advantage. Create the KBB course with Tony Robbins, anything. Create high level education. Create the inner circle. I have to get good at deconstructing. That's the word I was looking for. I have to get good at deconstructing what allowed me to get here. So the only reason I'm saying this is I'm giving it value right now. Because if you're here taking this time in moment in history, this isn't just me babbling. These are the things that make the big things actually happen. We have a big problem to solve here in America and the world. I think this is a tool that can help us, but it's also the tool that can help you personally go to the next level. So with that being said, today we are going to go over what I call the success loop. This is the loop that when I was getting ready to write the underdog advantage. I see it sitting there next to me right now. And let's give some of those away today. The underdog advantage. When I was writing that book, I had a guy that I love to brainstorm with, really good writer. He came to my office and we spent the entire day and he's like, how the hell do you get through? How did you get through so many things in your life that should have stopped you out of money? Didn't happen. Failure. Like, how did you just keep going when you didn't have the resources, you didn't have the money? How did you overcome this obstacle? How did you overcome this obstacle? And we're just talking and we spent. We were going to spend two hours together. They spent like 15 hours. It was like midnight. We're still in the office. And I don't know if I've ever shared how this exercise came up, but that's how the Success loop tool was created is over 10 hours of thinking through. How do you get through something when the carpet is pulled out from underneath you or when you make a decision. So that's what we're going to talk about today. Ready, Mike? So let's go through the success loop. So two things happen in life. You either have. And I can't spell really good. So I'm getting a little cheat sheet here. You either have a realization. A real. How do you spell it? Azation. Okay. Or that's an N. Or there's an incident. Excuse my sloppy writing. That's not what you're here for today. So let's just talk about that. You have a realization or you have an incident in your life. Think about anything. There are realizations. One day you're driving to the office and you have a realization. This is not me. I'm halfway through with my life and I'm going to an office that I don't like, with people that I wouldn't surround myself with. I'm not impacting the world. I'm not making the money I want. And I'm missing my kids grow. I. Oh, my God. I'm emotional today and I'm missing my kids growing up. That is a realization. In that moment, you may have had other realizations, but that's the moment of realization where you say, enough is enough. I'm done. I'm done. Right? That's a moment where a shift has to happen now and again. Please keep commenting. I'll go back and look at all of these. But then I'm so sorry about the sloppy writing. But there's also incidents that happen in your life that in that moment, you have no choice. You must change. This is on the way to the office saying, enough is enough. The incident is you get to the office and it's closed. Or they say you're fired. The incident is you're in a relationship, you've been trying for years. You feel empty. You've done the counseling. I'm not promoting breaking a relationship up. I'm just saying you've had years, and one day you realize this isn't working. My heart's not full. This has to end, or the incident would be. You get home and your spouse says, I'm out. Both of them shift your life. Right or wrong. Right. This is. In today's world, you have a realization that enough is enough, that we need to come together as the human race. What we have been doing is not working. Why does this happen every five to 10 years? It's not working. We need to shift. That's a realization. Or you have an incident like what happened with George Floyd that just changes everything, and you say, I must make a difference. Right? So these. Do these happen once in a while in your life or do they happen all the time? Happen all the time. Whether it's every three years, five years, seven years. If you're an entrepreneur, did you ever see the little things of an entrepreneur where it's like, whoa, whoa. It's like, I think I got this. No, I don't. Oh, yeah, I got it. We're good. No, no, it's all screwed up. That is life. But think about that, right? You think you got it figured out, and then everything changes, right? How many times have you said, I got this. Company's going good, business is going good, and then one day something shifts and you got to go through this loop. So we are going to go through the loop on how to come out stronger, better, faster, quicker, because these are decision points. There are certain points in here where people give up on life. I'm going to go through that with you. There's parts where you may have given up in the past, and I'm going to get you through the whole loop and how you do that. Think about the realization. What was COVID 19? That was an incident. One day, life's normal. Within a week, life is completely different. We're quarantined, we're home, we're scared. We have uncertainty in our lives. Right? So how do you deal with this stuff when it happens? And that's what I want to share with you today. The next thing that happens is stacking. Okay. I'm going to use multiple examples. In my own life, when my ex and I decided we were definitely. It was a realization. The relationship was over. Not advocate of divorce in any way. My ex and I knew for a fact it was over. And what got me was the anxiety of my children. My children, just like you with your children. I don't love my kids more than you do, but, like, I'm an active parent. I made them breakfast, I took them to school. I played baseball. You know, I coached little league. I coached softball, family meetings. Like, I'm an engaged dad. It's just a dream because I didn't have that. So I made my kids. The thought of that only being half the time. When I started stacking. Anybody in here ever stack all the negativity in your life? I started stacking. I'm not going to see them. They're not going to love me. I'm going to miss them. I'm going to feel lonely. I'm going to get depressed. They're going to lose the values I worked so hard to create. They're going to think their father's a quitter. I started stacking all the stuff that could go wrong. I put myself in a fricking panic, in a frenzy. My ex and I figured it out. We were good with separating. It was better for both of us. But my kids, all I did is stack all this stuff that could go wrong. I put myself. First time in my life, I had legit anxiety attacks. Didn't even know they existed. I used to think anxiety was anxiety. Anxiety attacks, right? We go back to an incident where you lost your job. Have you ever said, oh, my God, I'm not going to have the money. I'm going to lose my apartment or my house and my car. People aren't going to like me. People are going to think I'm a loser, a failure. I'm not going to get a job. Our brains are designed this way to stack. You guys know what I'm talking about. I'm seeing you. Hold on. I'm going to pull this over so I can see. I can see all your comments coming in. Anybody got this? Like, you just start stacking. All that can go wrong. Covid happens. Oh, my God. What if it never goes back? What if the world's never the same? I lose my money, I go broke, they throw me out of my house. Like legit fear. And I don't know why, but I think our subconscious is designed to stack all the things. You wake up in the middle of the night. Did you ever wake up in the middle of the night stacking all the shit that could go wrong? And then you think about it, you think it's like you go all the way through and you get done. You're like, oh. And you try to go to sleep and your brain starts all over again, stacking it all up again. Of all the things that could go wrong. Yeah, I see all the yeses coming in right in any of this. That's what we do. This is the way our brain works. But if we know this in advance, that's why I love this exercise. If we know this is going to happen in advance, then we can be prepared for it. And then after the stacking, here's what I. Okay, here's what I tell you. This isn't something. This is what I do. This is what I have done with that. 10 hours, 12 hours together, digging this in My brain, this is the pattern that it's been allowed me to go to the next level and not get stuck. Okay. The next thing you have to do to counterbalance this is. Oops, excuse me, is reverse stacking. This is hard, this is practice, but worth it after you stack everything that goes wrong. This is what I got. Listen, I went years without sleeping. I want to be really honest. I wake up at 2 o' clock in the morning. I think of all the crap that could go wrong in my life right until the sun came up. Go to work. It was a success trap. I was successful. I thought I had to do. That was bs. I was lying to myself. Success traps are harder to get out of than failure traps. Failure, you know you're losing, you might as well change it. When you're making money and things are going good, don't change anything. I was torturing myself. This is torture. This is torture. What got me to sleep was reverse stacking. To find peace, to find connection, to find more soothing. I had to start thinking of all the things that could go right by this shift with my children. I started thinking, wow, maybe I could find love in my life. It's not dog and my ex, we lived in separate bedrooms for many, many years before we ended it. We didn't hold hands. There was no affection. I'm not knocking her. She's a great lady and we have a very great friendship and she's doing really well for her. But I didn't have love in my life and my kids never saw it. So reverse stacking was, hey, my ex is going to find somebody and find true love in her life. I'm going to find somebody that's for that, not only for us, but my kids will get to see an example of what love looks like, where people hold hands and they're connected to each other and they're honest and they're faithful and they're this bonded unit as one. My kids are going to see an example of that. And I started thinking about, I'm going to show my kids how to get through really tough times. I'm going to show my kids life's not perfect. It's not that things aren't going to go wrong. It's not that problems aren't going to happen. It's we're determined who we are about how we act when things are the toughest. And I started to think, I'm going to spend. I won't have as much quantity of time, but I'm going to start having more quality of time. When I'm with them, I'm going to go deeper and shut off my phone. And I started stacking all the things that could go right. Maybe in my own life, I'm like, maybe I'll find real love. Maybe I can find out what flaws I had, not blaming someone else. How do I become a better man? Maybe this will put me to where I got a love coach. I started reading more books. I started interviewing more people with great relationships. I said, what did I do wrong? So the next woman who comes in my life is not because it's trying to fill a void. I get to be a man and I get to attract the woman I want. And I started writing all these things down, and I started reverse stacking. And it started counterbalancing the torture. In a business, a job, you lose it. Right now with COVID with all the things that went sideways, you'd be going, I lost, I lost, I lost. But what if this is the universe, God, whatever you believe in, saying what you were doing was not meant for you. It was not allowing you to live into your full potential. You have more to give the world. If you won't do it on your own, I'm going to do it for you. You won't close that door. I'm locking it. Go find something that fills your heart. What if that when you start stacking that way, when we start stacking all the things that. The horrific things and that, you know, between George Floyd and other people and then a cop being shot and then looting, we could stack. And it's true, it's in our face. But what if we could find a way to reverse stack that and say, we are the generation that can finally come together, use our emotional intelligence, use the Internet to connect with each other, to let old beliefs go and find new ones and come together and rally together. Let me just ask you something. In the news, when you see looting and rioting and you see something horrible happen to someone, get pepper spray in the eye or a car run into them, does that make you sick? Like, am I the only one that's sick to my stomach over it? But then what about when you see African American men locking arms, protecting a white cop or protecting a target or a cop coming and saying, getting on one knee and said, I'm here with you and not against you, and they're hugging. I got chills talking about it. How does that make you feel? Right? Stack that feeling. Stack a moment that we are going to fix this finally, and we're the people that can do it you're just reverse stacking. This is again, this is just the process that I realize I went through. Okay, after reverse stacking, who do you want to be or who do you not want to be? Who not. I'm just going to put want to be. Really, it's who do you not want to be? This is a really cool exercise. Like think about this, this realization or this incident happens. You start stacking all the crap. You torture yourself. You start reverse stacking. Now you got a little momentum, right? I'm starting to feel pretty good now. I like to go, and who do I not want to be? Okay, I'm gonna go back to my personal life. I don't want to be the guy that gets a divorce and has one of those like bachelor apartments with a black sofa. I'm not talking about money wise. I'm just talking about and like see my kids every other weekend and be Disneyland dad. I don't want to be the guy that like, I don't want to look for it. I don't want to be the guy that goes out all the time and had lots of different girlfriends and my kids see that. I don't want to be the guy that used to be married and now he's doing that or in business. I don't want to listen. I have a fear of going backwards. I don't want to be if I did this business wise. I don't want to be the guy that used to be successful. I don't want to be the guy that used to write really good books, the guy that used to have relevance online, the guy that used to be a role model. I don't want to use to be and I don't want to be outdated. I watch people who have their moment in the sun. I don't want to be the guy that used to be. I want to be cutting edge. I want to grow as a human. I want my empathy to grow, my passion to grow. I want my knowledge to grow. I want my everything. I want my acceptance, my beliefs, everything to grow. I don't want to be the guy I used to be. I want to be this guy today and I want to be better tomorrow. So who do you not want to be? Do you not want to be someone who in today's world do you not want to be someone who's stuck in your old ways, stuck in old beliefs? Do you want to be someone who's not a part of the solution, just hoping someone else fixes it? So for me, I don't want to Be a quitter. I don't want to be someone that almost made it. I don't want to be someone who almost fed some people, who almost help people out of slavery, who almost help solve racial issues by doing their part. I don't want to be somebody that almost or quit. I want to be somebody who does something about it. How about you? Right? So you start thinking about who you do not want to be and then right as you start thinking about who you don't want to be is who do you want to be? Who do you want to be? I want to be a frickin player. I want to be someone who knows I'm not perfect but continues to move forward. I want to be someone that solves problems. I want to be. Now listen, this is just me. I want to be kind of like stealth. I want to be the quiet person in the room. And then they find out, wow, that's the guy who solved that problem. That's the guy who made the biggest donation of the night. That's the guy who spent the time to actually listen. That's the guy that did the research, read the books, interviewed people, put a team together. That guy did that. He hasn't said a word. That's who I like to be. I like to be understated. I like that. I don't know, maybe that's. Maybe that's a way of looking to get significance. I don't know, maybe it is. But that's just me. I want to be the guy who gets it done. I wrote something down here. I want to be the guy that continues to grow as a human. I want to be the person that's not afraid to admit mistakes or I did it wrong. That's who I want to be. If I give up here and I don't think about that, then I could be this person really fast. I could be that person really fast and that would make me sick. And I love to feel it. You see, for me, for me, I need to look at, and this is the next part of it. I need to look at what could go wrong and who I could become. Tony Robbins did me one of the greatest favors in the history of the world when I was in my late 40s, I'm 51 as I record this, but I'm in my 40s, a few years away from 50 and I'm going through this divorce and it's tearing me up. Not from the divorce side, I mean it. My ex. And I knew it was over. I was just torn up over my kids. Because I couldn't stop torturing myself, right? Could not stop torturing myself. In my head. My kids were going to go off and just be horrible human beings. And I did it, all right? I couldn't get out of this loop. I was back in my six year old self, right? And Tony Robbins, I fly down to Florida, he says, come down, spend a couple days with me. I go down with him and his amazing wife Sage. We're at his house and Tony looks at me and goes, brother, all I've heard you talk about is what could go wrong and who you don't want to be. You can't create a bigger future. And we're going to get into that next without this one thing. I got to ask you this. And I remember he got like this close to my face and he said to me, who do you want to become in your 50s? I've heard it a million times, I've read it in books, but that if I look at you right now, I don't care if you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, who do you want to become in your next generation? Who not what are you going to accomplish? How much money are you going to have? Who do you want to become, man? At that moment, it freaking hit me. I want to become a freaking man who admitted his mistakes and attracts the most amazing woman in his life. And I want to be a man that's obsessively in love with one woman. I want to be the father that my kids look at and go, my dad went through a tough time. Divorce was tough, business wasn't easy. My dad lived in a trailer park when he was a kid. Didn't have an education, passed ninth grade, but my dad accomplished it. He's an amazing father. He's an amazing husband to his wife. He's an amazing leader. He's an amazing role model for people. Like, that's who I want to become. And when I started thinking about that, I don't know about you, man, I'm getting goosebumps right now. I started feeling empowered on who I want to become, not what I want to achieve. So for me, the momentum is starting, right? I was going down. That's why this loop, I was going down. Who do I not want to become? And going down, all of a sudden you could start spinning this momentum, right? Do you ever like go behind a boat or see somebody behind a boat on a tube? When they, when they whip the boat around that tubes, like, it goes so fast. That's this. You see the Problem is, so many people get to these points, and the momentum going down steers them off or throws them off, and then they live life flat. They live life saying, I almost made it. If that recession didn't come in 2017, I would have been fine. If Covid didn't take my legs out, I would have been fine. If my business didn't go, I would have been. If I didn't go through that divorce, I would have been fine. It's because they just bailed on one of these things. It was so painful. They didn't have a process to get through the loop. They bailed on one of them, and that's the person you talk to in the Uber or, you know, great people that say, I almost made it. But screw. But we all have that. We all have something. We're all different. We all have unique circumstances. But the people who make the difference are the ones that stay in the game and have a process to get through the game. And that's why I wanted to give you this framework. So now that you're here and you decide who you want to become, then here's what I now, again, this is me I need to think about. If I don't make a change, to make me the change today. And this is the first thing I do is project. Can you see this bottom? Yeah. Project a painful future. You're like, oh, Dean, that's really awesome. You want me to project a painful future? Yes, I do. Because there's two types of people, right? And let's do one or two. I love this in here. Some of you are here right now because you want to move away from a painful situation, from a job you don't like, income you don't like, a career that's not filling your heart. You know, it's time for a change, time for a shift, maybe a business you own that's not making you the money you want or not giving you the freedom you want. If you are here because you're moving away from something painful in a moment here, not yet, I want you to put a 1. If you're here, life's okay. It's not horrific. You're doing pretty darn good in life. But, you know, there's a bigger future. You want to move towards pleasure. What the two biggest emotions in the history of the world, pain and pleasure. So if you are moving away from something painful, enough is enough is enough, and that's why you're here, type of one. If life's okay, you just know there's more and you're ready to move to a greater level. You want to move towards pleasure. You're a number two. Now, we all want to do both. We want to move away from pain and then move to pleasure. But right now, in this moment, one, if you want to move away from pain. Two, if you want to move towards pleasure, go. Ones. Ones. Here are some twos, right? Look at that. Look at that. We are moving away or we're moving towards. Right? So if. And I would bet to say most of you feel both, right? So here's what I want you to think about. If we just think about our pleasureful life, we are not looking at the pain that can get us to move. If we're those people moving away from pain, right? Think about that. If you are someone who's moving away from pain, and I say, oh, my God, we can have this great life and other houses and cars and watches and freedom and money. And you're like, yeah, but I just want to get out of this job right now. I just want to get out of this career that's killing me. Like, that won't even resonate with you. And it won't resonate with your subconscious. Won't resonate with your subconscious. So we have to address both. So right now is how do you. How do you do that? Is first, you project a painful future. If we're talking about what's going on in the world right now? What if you do nothing? What if you don't do your part? Not at all. Do you want to go through this in five or seven years? How did it feel in your heart? How does it feel right now? If you live in America, how does this feel? And I know there's protests going on in other parts of the world and there's racism all over the world, but how will you feel if this is going on in five more years, 10 more years, 20 more years? I'm going to feel like I didn't do my part and I'm a loser. I'm going to project a painful future. If I didn't. Going back to. I'm using a personal, and I'll use business. If I go back to the divorce I went through, if I don't step up as a man, my painful future will. Look, I know this painful future because my parents were married nine times between them. I know what it was like to see my dad every other weekend on a Sunday. I know what it was like for my parents to fight and not talk to each other. When I got married a couple years ago, When I got married last year, my parents have been divorced for 48 years. I had to fly them on separate flights and sit them apart from each other. They still don't talk. That's pain to me because I've been dealing with that since I was three years old. That's if I didn't step up, if I didn't make the changes, if I didn't get through this loop, I. I could be that dad that's disconnected from his kids. That's a Disneyland dad that. What do I do? Take him to the movies and take them out to dinner and not be connected, not be the father I want to be. That I could be alone. If I don't change who I am, if I don't grow as a human, I could be alone for a long time. If I have old beliefs that marriages don't work, I could be. I love them dearly. I could be like my parents. I love them. But both of them struggled with this. I would project the painful future of inaction. Project this very moment. If you don't take full advantage of kbb, if you don't obsess and gain the capabilities to go further, if you don't overcome the stacking of negativity, if you don't overcome who you don't want to be, that's who you will become. If we don't put our foot down and decide, as the human race we are fixing this, this will not go away. So if you project that pain and what I'd love for you to do is do this. You're here because you want a shift, right? I'm looking at all your incredible comments. What if you do nothing? What if you just stay where you're at? How will it feel if I could click a button and it's five years from right now and you're still in the same exact predicament you're in right now, doing the same thing. Same income, same job, same relationship, same weight, same health, same fear, same envy. What if I click five years and it's still like that? How does that feel? Does it feel heavier than it feels right now? If you really visualize it, what if I could click and it's 10 years and we're right here, still nothing's changed. You're still dreaming, still hoping, still have that fear. You're still worried and now you're getting a little more envious because life's getting a little. Getting closer to the halfway mark or you're past halfway. What If I click 20 years and still you're dreaming about the thing you could have done. Now you're not even thinking about doing it. You're looking back saying, I should have. Why didn't I? I missed it. I'm older. I didn't squeeze the juice out of life. I could have. How does that feel? How does that feel? Painful, right? Sucks. Sorry. If you think I'm trying to hurt you today, I'm not. I'm trying to get you to move forward. Because if it takes pain to get you to move, I'm okay with that. If it takes being disturbed to make you move, I'm okay with that. If it takes you getting disturbed watching a video of George, Floyd or anything like that in the world that's going on, get disturbed, get really disturbed. Because when we're disturbed, we move. You stand on hot pavement, what do you do? Do you stand there and go, wow, this hurts. You know, you run your ass off to get off the hot pavement because you're disturbed. Because it's painful. Let the pain sink in. Get disturbed with inaction and take uncomfortable, imperfect action today, not next week. Not when it feels right now. The next thing is once you. Once I made you feel that way is now it's time to create your compelling future. To me, this is just my opinion. You cannot let me come over here. You cannot create your compelling future until you decide what your painful future is. Because this will get you. This is once you get around here. Now all of a sudden you're going up the loop like you projected. If I don't do crap, I'm stuck right here. But now that I felt that way, what would be ideal would be ideal. What's a compelling future for you? For me, in my relationship? Tony. I'm going to give my credit to my boy Tony. I've done all these things before, but he made me do it in front of him. Made me go in the other room and do it. I took a piece of paper when it comes to relationships, I made a line down the middle and I put on the left side what was an absolute must in the next relationship I have. And on the right side, I put absolute unacceptable. And I literally wrote down things that. I'm just being honest. I wrote down everything. I wrote down someone that loves my children. I know this will be hard. Someone who will love my children as if their own. Someone who works on their personal growth. Someone who's a go getter. Someone who knows that we're flawed and we're all trying to get better. I just wrote down all these things That I was looking for seemed like it was too good to be true. And I put what was not acceptable. Someone who doesn't have a big heart, Someone who won't accept my children, Someone who wants to fight with my ex or fight with other people. Someone who likes confrontation. I won't accept anyone who doesn't, you know, want to work on their health and their growth. I wrote all this stuff down. Seemed crazy. It was my compelling future. I stared at it and I looked at it, and I felt so good, and it gave me my true north. I projected being alone and staying the way I was. And I also wrote down a compelling future. I write down a compelling future in my business all the time. If we wrote down a compelling future right now for the situation going on in America and somewhat around the world, how cool would it be to sit and instead of thinking all the things that could go wrong, how cool when you see the cops embracing with the protesters? How cool when you see a mayor or governor take a knee? How cool when you see people saying, we have to. Like, when you see the good, doesn't it make you feel good? What if you just flooded yourself with. Imagine if it was five years from now and they were like, we've achieved more in five years than we have in the last 50. We're brothers in arms, sisters in arms, where we unite as a nation, we unite as the human race, we unite as a world and say, enough is enough. And we got this. And people are thriving and businesses are thriving, and there's no more of, like, literally. Imagine that for just a moment. Imagine how the world would be. That's a compelling future. That's one that we can write down and. And stare at and feel damn good about it. Because now the momentum is starting to turn. After a compelling future, the next thing is now you got the mindset like, I'm ready. I love the hell yeses coming in, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Now the next thing we have to do is gain capabilities. Right? We need to gain capabilities in most cases. Next level. Okay, so what does this mean? I'll get it, Mike. I'll just go back and forth. It's good. Next level capabilities. I mean, it could be capabilities. It could be habits, it could be community, it could be resources. Listen. To help solve what's going on in the world. I don't know enough. Thought I did. I don't. I'm going to be gaining capabilities. So I could help. I'll never understand completely, but I want to. I want to look through the lens of, of someone in the African American community. I want to look through as like, what more can I do? I want to read more, I want to ask more questions. I want to listen to more podcasts. I want to devour knowledge so I can make educated decisions. Find what people have already done that worked. Find out what people who have done that didn't work. Do less of the stuff that didn't work and more of the stuff that did. How can I bring more people together in my relationship? I hired a love coach. I read books. I interviewed people with great relationships. For being a parent, I gained the capabilities. I hired a consultant. I read more books. I interviewed people that were great parents in business. I enter masterminds. I read business books and marketing books. I read tens of thousands of comments from people. I'm always gaining the capabilities. But you got to get in the right state of mind where you're going up. Excuse my sloppy writing where you're going up. Don't try to gain next level capabilities. If you're still over here stacking the torture, you're going to be like, oh, that shit's heavy. That's hard. I can't do it. In this state of mind right here, who do you want to become and your compelling future? That's when you add KBB and you're like, I got this. That's when you come right here and you grab these capabilities. I'm putting this into play. That's when you join next level mastermind or implementation lab or anything you join. If you're in this state of mind and this state of mind and this state of mind, a compelling future, you got it. That's when you move the needle. If you're thinking about what could go wrong when you start looking at the course, you're done. When you think about what you don't want to be or your painful future, no way you're getting through the book. No way you're taking in the capabilities. No way you're taking action. We have to go through this step to get to here. This is when you buy the course. This is when you get into the mastermind. This is when you read the book. Because then and only then, the next step, maybe the most important, you take action. You take action is when you get shit done. This is when you get shit done. Excuse my language. Just the truth. Can you see how this wasn't a tool that I just made up? This is me looking at my life. How the hell did I get to this part? Everybody sees this part of me. They see Me gaining the capabilities, taking massive action. What nobody knows is I torture myself as much as any of us. I gotta find a way to reverse that. I think about who I don't want to be, just like the rest of us. I reverse that. I think about a painful future, screwing it up again, not making a difference, not stepping forward, not being smart enough. Imposter syndrome. All that shit happens to me. But then I reverse it with a compelling future. Then I go find somebody who's already done it. I gain the capabilities. I take massive action. After you take massive action, what's next? You put gas. That's the word I can think of, is you put gas on the fire. You don't just take little action, you take massive action. If you fail, you get up and go again. If someone says no, you get up and go again. And if you put a wall in front of you and that doesn't work, you get around that wall, you get over that wall, you bust through the wall. That's how we make this work. Then the last piece is simply momentum. If you can follow this and gain the momentum, that's when life starts to soar. That's when we evolve to the next level. And that's what this is. This is our next level, everybody. That's a word we've used way too much, isn't it? Want to go to your next level? Want to go to your next level? How the hell do you get to your next level? Oh, if you just get the capabilities. Nope. If you take massive action, you practice a bad golf swing, what happens? You get worse. Golf swing, right? You got to take massive action after the capabilities. You got to hit gas and have momentum. But you can't get here and take the action you need to get to your next level. Unless you go through this entire process. And then, boom, once you do. And here's the thing. The more you go through this exercise, you will acknowledge when this realization or incident comes in your life, you will realize, this might suck for a while. I got to go through the success loop. I got to go through all these different phases to get to my next level. This is why the entrepreneur journey looks like this. Because we're going through. These are all the times we have to use a process. And the problem is most people don't have a tool. And what happens is this part, they bail. Going back to that job, it's safe. Going back to that bad relationship, it's safe. Maybe someone else, the government will fix this issue in America, in the world, with racism. No. No one's fixing it. No. No one's coming to save us. This is on us. It's our responsibility to bind together, to bond together and get this done. How do we do it? Solve big problems. Use a tool to get you on fire. Use this process and figure out how you can help. Be your part to fix it. What's going on with COVID and Coronavirus can use this process to figure out what's next for you to get to your next level. Because here's what I know. When you have a tool like this, you're gonna look at when things go sideways different than somebody else who doesn't have this tool. Because most people, I'm just being honest. Most people focus on stacking what can go wrong, who they don't want to be, their painful future. They don't gain the capabilities. They're afraid and they don't take action. As sad as it is. And we've all been there, we've all done this. We can all agree we've done that. But we're not doing it anymore because now we have the capabilities to make a difference. I hope you enjoyed seeing behind the curtain of one of our inner circle trainings where each month we teach next level mindset, marketing and momentum. The three M's that I believe are the difference between wanting more and actually achieving more. If you'd like to be a part of our inner circle, we created a really special opportunity in these unprecedented times. Well, they're unprecedented times. So we created an unprecedented opportunity. And right now you can go to deansnextlevel.com that's deansnextlevel.com watch a quick video and see how you could be part of the inner circle for less than about a movie and dinner a month and gain those next level capabilities to thrive in these uncertain times. If you liked this podcast, make sure you rate it and also make sure to click subscribe so you never miss out. Remember, all success starts here.