Why I Think Most People FAIL in Life

Your next level of you, your next level of income, your next level of abundance, happiness, joy, lives on the other side of your biggest fear or obstacle. Welcome to the Dean Graziosi Show. All success starts right here. Today I want to share with you the most personal experience of my life. I'm not going to get into too much of the nitty gritty, I should say, but I've learned the biggest lesson of my life that made me a better version of me, that took my life to a whole nother level and it exposed me to feelings and emotions that so many people have. And I want to reveal my experience to you today, but not just talk about me. This isn't. I would not share anything about my life or what I'm going through if I didn't know for an absolute fact that it could have amazing benefits to you. So I've taken my experience and then I've created a format, a framework for you guys to use. Because here's what we're going to talk about today. I've been using the word paying success tax. And what I mean by that, like paying success tax to me is let's imagine that there is a success auditor and he's up in the sky and he's got his little journal and he's watching you. Now if you're here, let's just be honest, if you're here, you're part of my inner circle. You're not here because you got nothing else to do. You're not here because you just want to hang out and be on the chat and talk. You're here because you want another level of life, right or wrong. You want to gain capabilities. You want the kick in the ass, you want the tactics. You want to go out and crush life on the level that you know you can, or else you wouldn't be here. You'd be watching crappy shit on Facebook or watching negative news or something. But you are taking the time to be with me right now. So that means you want another level of life. But here's what I don't think people realize is you get your ass kicked along the way. Things go sideways, things go wrong, people let you down, partners don't work out, money falls out, all these things happen. But I want you to reframe it in your mind and think about if there's our success auditor and he's looking at his book and he's like, okay, Liberio or Alan or Tony or McMac or Chris or Edward or Wendy. They might. The success auditor, success tax auditor Is looking and going okay. Let's put another obstacle in front of Wendy's way. Let's see if she can get through that. Oh, she saw the obstacle, turned around, went back. I don't think she's going to be the one that reaches her full potential, but she could just live life like everybody else and she'll be okay. Let's see about liberio. Let's see what's up, Liberio. Let's throw some crap in front of him. Let's throw some fear. Let's throw a massive obstacle. Wow, he fought it. He was a little sad. It was a little tough, a little stressful, Couple sleepless nights, but he's still going, okay, check that box. Let's wait about three months and throw some more shit in his way. And that's what I believe success tax is. I think we have to go through the trials and tribulations. We have to build the grit, we have to build the wisdom, or else we don't deserve it. I teach my daughter, she's killing it in softball. I said, you win when no one else is watching. You have to pay your success tax by practicing all the time. When no one's cheering, no one's excited. No one's doing it. Over the summer, she's down here in my office pitching because she's paying her success tax. But guess what? In the fall when she plays, she's going to kill it when she comes out and all her friends are going to be like, oh, my God. Everybody's admiring you. You got the game ball. I wish I could do that. You wish you could do it. Pay success tax. If you're not willing to pay, get out of the fricking game. Don't think. Listen. Everybody wants to be on stage in front of 50,000 people, jamming and singing with everybody going crazy in the crowd singing their name. But you know what everybody's not willing to do Is play in their room until their fingers bleed. To pack up an old shitty van and drive around to gig. To gig when two people show up. Most people aren't willing to do that. Everybody looks at the Beatles and how amazing they were, right? You know, the Beatles played like 10,000 different over the years. They played almost every night, like six nights a week, sometimes two gigs a night for years and years and years, never being noticed. Sometimes one person in the audience, they paid their success tax. And then all of a sudden, they were an overnight sensation. They weren't an overnight sensation. So think of it that way. Frame it as success Tax is part of the journey. And if you could say, I'm not saying you need to like the crap. Not saying you have to like the journey. Not saying you have to. Like, when somebody screws you over, the deal goes sideways. But what if you could go, wow, if I get through this, I get another checkbox from the success tax auditor. You start looking at life that way. Things change, and you realize you're here because you're learning those skills to get through them easier and quicker. Most of the world. Most of the world sees a wall and they turn around and go back. They're not deserving of the success. You are the type that will pound through it, get under it, get around it, climb over it, or blow it up with dynamite. That's who wins the game. So with that said, let's take it a step further, because I could talk about this till I'm blue. Like, I could talk about this every moment of every day when it comes to my business, because I've crushed it in my business, those fears that I had of being a broke kid. I didn't have the right education. I didn't go to college. I didn't have money. I didn't come from the right town. My parents both worked to make probably 35 grand combined separately. And we always stressed about money. And I lived in a bathroom with my dad. I lived in a trailer park with my mom until we got evicted. I mean, crazy stuff, right? In business, I overcame all those fears. I failed miserably. Winston Churchill said the definition of success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. Well, I did that before I ever read that quote. And I kept going. I paid my success tax. I failed miserably, and I made it. And in business, I can make those decisions. I can. I can fail miserably. I can lose millions of dollars on a deal, and I can be over in a day. I can have faith in someone I'm working with, and they let me down, and it hurts, and I'm over in a day. I can rebound fast, learn from it, and go. I have trained my body. I've trained my. My, My. My insides. I've trained my physiology. I've trained my words, I've trained my subconscious that we are for freaking unstoppable. Nothing as a combined body and unit, nothing can stop us. But guess what? I had all that practice and all those years of doing it, and I didn't. It wasn't in my personal life. It was just everything to do with business. So that's why I Want to share this today because I learned such a valuable lesson through the experiences I went through. So I want to tell you a story again. This is the first time I shared a little bit on a podcast, but it was a six minute podcast. You're going to get the whole story and I hope you understand that I'm not just telling you a story to tell a story. Give me until the end of this and watch how this wraps around with you. And I want you to think as I'm going through this. And thank you guys for all the great comments that are coming through. I want you guys to think about in your own life anything that you're experiencing because here's what I know. Your next level of you, your next level of inner income, your next level of abundance, happiness, joy, lives on the other side of your biggest fear or obstacle. And I want you to think right now what that obstacle might be, what that fear may be, what that story is. And I want you to think about along this journey that I'm going to share with you the best I can. I've never shared this. It's not some lesson plan. I took notes for the last two days, but here for you. But let's just go. Let's just go at it. If you guys, you okay with me just sharing this with no exact. The part that is exact is the lesson on how it affects you. So let me just start here. I have two children that I love to death. If you guys watch me, you know how much I love being a dad. And I knew my marriage wasn't in a good place five years ago. And so did my wife. And she's a dear friend and we knew it, but we both didn't want to let our kids down, didn't want to let anybody else down. This is what I do for a living. I'm the success guy. I write books. I power through anything in life. So I have to make this marriage work. Well, I'm just going to fast forward and say we tried a lot of things, but a year ago we knew it was over. And I said, well, if that's the case, if it's over, then I'm going to focus on something that's great. I'm going to power through this. I'm going to be the best dad possible. And I moved out of my house. Something nobody knows. Family didn't even know this. Again, I'm talking completely open here. I move out of my house. I'm three days out of my house, four days out of my house. My kids Come over to a place that I'm living, and I'm trying to get used to all this, and I'm working hard and I'm telling myself affirmations, and I'm going to do this. And my daughter and son sleep over. My daughter leaves the next morning. My daughter left her shoes at the new house, and I saw the shoes, but there was no kids and the house was completely quiet. 4 million dollar house on top of a mountain. Gorgeous. You would think everything's perfect. And I went into straight panic, straight anxiety. I never had anxiety. And I'm actually sharing more than I thought I was going to share today. I went into straight anxiety, like an anxiety attack. It was too quiet. My family wasn't here. I missed my kids. I'm like, what am I doing? I could fix this. And I was freaked out. And I'll just tell you, that anxiety lasted almost every day, for 90 days. Like, literally every day. I mean, the day after, I was jumping on a private plane, flying to Florida to go to an event and then go hang out with Tony Robbins, because we were just going to hook up and have fun. And I was so anxious, I didn't want to get on the plane. The thought of being in a little plane was like, oh, my God, I can't breathe. I got to the. I finally got on the plane and I freaking had two glasses of wine. It's the only how I could get on the plane. Not that I recommend that, but that's how I did it. I got to Florida. I got to the Four Seasons in Palm Beach. I didn't want to get on the elevator. I walked up the stairs because I felt claustrophobic in it. None of that had ever happened to me before in my life. So anxiety is another topic. I'll talk another time if that's something that you want to go through. So anyway, I'm telling you how traumatic it was to me, and I'm like, wait a minute. No, I'm just thinking of what could go wrong. I'm doing all the stuff I tell people not to do in business and success in their life. No, no, no. I'm just going to focus on. Everything's going to be great. It didn. It didn't affect this. It didn't get through an inch of it. And then I realized. Then I said, you know, I'm just going to go back. I'm just going to go back. I'm going to figure out a way. And I got to be near my kids. And after a month, I moved back into My house into the spare bedroom again. I'm telling you guys everything. This is just. You're my inner circle members, you're getting the inner circle. So I move back in my house. Everything in my life is thriving. My kids are thriving. I'm still with them every day. I'm making everything look good. I'm doing my videos on Instagram, Facebook. I'm crushing it in business. My book is selling faster than any book I've ever done. I mean, things are cranking while simultaneously I'm walking around with anxiety where I have Xanax in my backpack. I didn't take. I took them once in a blue moon. But every day I needed it with me just in case. And I'm like, what is going on? This is what I do and I can't fix this. So I say that because what I realized is at that moment, I want to go upstream a little bit. When I said, your next level of life lives on the other side of your biggest fear. I realized that my biggest fear in my life was to do to my kids what happened to me and my sister when we were growing up. My parents were married nine times, I moved 20 times by the time I was 19. I never had security. Different stepdads, stepmom, step grandparents, different friends. Move, change. Everything was so unstable. Everything was so unstable. And I said since I was a little kid, I will never do this to my family. I'm gonna be frickin rock solid. My parents worried about money. Fuck that. I'm getting money out of the way. I was a millionaire in my 20s. I retired. Both my parents in my 20s fixed it. But guess what I didn't do. All that pain I felt of parents going in different directions. My mom moved to another state when I was 10 and my dad couldn't handle it and he was crazy. And then I'd go in with my grandma and it was just all this chaos. And you know what I did? I just tucked it all down. And again, I hope I'm not getting too deep here. I'm just sharing from my heart. I tucked it all down and I just went on and crushed life. I just ran away from that pain. And guess what? That's the path that God chose for me. The universe. I'm so happy. I wouldn't change any of it. It was the motivator. Sometimes pain is what kicks you in the ass to move. So I'm cool with the pain. And you might have something come experience 10 times worse. And I'm not telling you all of my Childhood stuff. But I'm not comparing, I'm just saying I ran away from it. I tucked it down and man, it drove me to success. But guess what? When this hit, all of a sudden, it was like a champagne bottle that was storing all this shit in there and the cork came off and I couldn't put the top back on. And it was just anxiety and fear. And here's why I wanted this, to relate to you and think about something in your life. When that pain, that fear happens, all I wanted to do is run back. I wanted to put the cork back in the bottle and go, I don't want to face that fear. No, no, no, no, I don't. I'll live with an unhappy marriage. My wife will have to live with an unhappy marriage, but at least we'll be around our kids every day and we'll be okay with will be okay. And that's what I felt like. I'm like, should I do that? And I knew it wasn't right. She knew it wasn't right. We knew years ago it wasn't right. But your brain plays tricks on you. And here's why I want to share this with you now. I want to relate it back to you. At this little moment when that started happening, guess what else happens? I couldn't find a bright path. I was trying to say, let me find a bigger vision, a compelling future for myself of how we could live apart and be the badass co parents in the world and be best friends, all of that stuff. And I'll lead to where we are now at this moment when I was worried so much I couldn't see any of it. It was like I was trying to poke my head up out of the sand to see a better future. And I couldn't. All I could see is the shit. Then what happens? All I start hearing is the shit. People going, oh my God, I got a divorce, Dean, don't do it. I don't talk to my ex wife, my kids are a disaster. Don't do it. All I heard was the crappy stories. So now I'm reinforcing my anxiety. All of a sudden my vocabulary changed. I started thinking about, yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to screw my kids up. I'm going to screw them up. I said I was never going to do this. I'm going to screw them up. My physiology changed. I was sitting different. I became a different person because I didn't want to face it. I wanted it to go away. I just wanted to ignore it. I just wanted to be with my kids. I just wanted to go coach. I just wanted, like, I just wanted. I come in here, I'm at work, I'm on fire all day with my team. I'm on video, I'm training, I'm killing it. And then I go home and I get small, I get scared. This is me, the person who fricking tackled everything in his life. Someday I'll tell you more about my past. I overcame all of it. Now I felt like. And here's the worst part again. If I'm going too deep, I apologize. But I wanted to. I opened the lid here. I'm telling you everything. Then all of a sudden, this anxiety, this fear that I had, I thought I was going to feel that way forever. That's another lie we tell ourselves. When you're thinking about whatever it is that you need to face, the job that you have for security and the fear of insecurity, of going to do your own thing. The insecurity you have of talking to someone if you want to do a real estate deal. The insecurity of finally fixing your relationship. I'm not an advocate of divorce in any way. Just so you know. I'm saying that. I'm not saying end a bad relationship, do what you can to fix it, but sometimes there might. Might. It might not be fixable, but that's your decision. I'm just saying is whenever you think of that pain, what happens in our brain? I think our subconscious tries to save us and say, hey, you might feel this way forever. Because I was telling myself all these shit stories of what could go wrong. Messing up my kids, worrying about everybody, then trying to handle my business during the day. And then all of a sudden, I'm also living in this space that it can't go right. Like, it could only be wrong. I couldn't find the brighter path. And then I thought, the worst of them all is I'm going to feel this way forever. I made it to 50 years old, and now I cracked. This is the new me. The anxious, worried, stressed out guy. The guy that I never thought I'd be. All of that shit is a lie. All of it is success tax. On a whole nother level, I was able to overcome and pay my success tax with no worry when it comes to business success thriving. But now, all of a sudden, I hit like a tender part. It's like your whole arm is strong and there's this one part that's an open sore, but you've had a band aid over it. Your whole life. And now the band aid was off and I was like poking it and all I wanted to do is put the band aid on and ignore it. But guess what? I would have stayed the man I was. I would have stayed with that anxiety, would have stayed with that fear. So now I want to talk to you. The shift. And again, I want you to think about whatever it is in your life that's that obstacle, that fear, that worry, even dig up the one. Because sometimes that fear, that worry, that obstacle is so deep. It's a story that you got embedded so many that you don't even realize it's guiding your life. It's holding you back from your full potential. It's holding you back from you just living, roaring like a tiger rather than walking around like a lamb following everybody else. What happens is when you, when you are not facing that fear, when you're ignoring it, all of a sudden you start subconsciously being somebody different for each people. I need to be this person. I was, I wasn't genuous to my kids. Even though I'm the best. You're probably the best parent in the world too. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, I'm the best dad in the world, but I'm. Deep down, I'm lying to them. Their mom and I haven't held hands in 10 years or their whole life. They haven't seen us be affectionate, they've seen us be great co parents, but they've never seen us have intimate conversations or do date nights. Like all these lies I was telling myself, but I didn't want. I just wanted to ignore it. So here's the thing is I was somebody to my kids. I was somebody to my ex, I was somebody to my parents. I was someone to my co workers. I was all these different people. I'm trying to teach my kids to be congruent, be authentic. And. And I'm full of shit. Literally, I'm full of shit. Because I'm being different people, different people. Because I'm afraid. I'm scared. I'm running away from the fear. I was turning my ship away from the storm always and going, no, no, no, I'm still killing it. Because here's the thing I said from where I started, I've got millions of dollars. I have impact. I'm changing the world. I got two amazing, healthy kids that are thriving in life. I love them. Isn't that enough? That's what I think to myself, isn't that enough? Are you greedy? You want it all you want a happy marriage, too. You want love in your life? Come on. Nobody gets it. All you tell yourself all these shitty stories because you're avoiding the pain. And when my life changed is when I turned the ship. I turned the ship into the storm. I've been teaching it for all these years in business. It was time. I did it in my personal life. And when I turned the ship into the storm is when the shit really happened. That's when the waves hit. That's when the waves are coming over the boat. That's when you think you're going to sink. But here's what I started to do, and this is the part I want to share with you. I started changing the people I was hanging around. I started not listening to the people who were telling me what could go wrong. And I found people who did it right. The same stuff I teach in business. Wow. Oh, my God. I wrote this. A Millionaire success habits. But I do it in my personal life now. I'm surrounding myself with people that went through this. And they have thriving children. They're thriving parents. Both parents became better. Both parents were friends. I started listening to stories like that. I went and spent a day with Dr. Daniel. Amen, my dear friend. And realized he went through the same thing. He went through six months of hell. He's the number one psychologist, psychiatrist in the world. Scanned more brains than anyone. He went through it. I go down and spend a day with my buddy Tony Robbins. He went through it. Went through a little depression. He had to turn his ship into the storm. But on the other side is something so different. So all of a sudden, I had to find hacks because here's what I realized. I couldn't think my way through this. And again, I'm going so deep on this, guys, because I really want you to think about the area. And you might have nothing in your life that you have to face, but most of us do, right? So I had to find a way because I couldn't think myself through the process. I was trying to just visualize a bigger future. And I can do that in most things. But in this case, it wasn't enough. This was like a deep anchor, right? So now I start doing the research. I'm like, what can change my brain? Sometimes you need something physical to change your brain. You need to do something. So after a bunch of research, I'm going to tell you some of the stuff I did after being with Tony, who's a dear friend, and checked up on me and gave me some amazing advice. Dr. Amen. So many other loving people in my life that I reached out to people who could fix it rather than people who tell me how bad it was going to be. And I started a few things. I started meditating more. Always dabbled. But I started meditating more. I started journaling. I would recommend to everybody that you journal and talk about. You know, it doesn't have to be a big, long journal. It doesn't have to be perfect structure. Just at night, write about the day, write about the win. Write about the thing that worried you the most. What I did, I was literally writing the win I would have for the day. At night, I was sitting in my bed, literally. Picture this, guys. You know me, you know what I've done. You know, all the great stuff. I get to jump on private planes and fly to Japan and China and Australia and speak on stage with Tony Robbins with 15,000 people. All this amazing stuff. Then I go home at night, and I'm living in the guest room, and I'm sitting in there with a lamp on. Picture this with my journal, trying to get my shit straight. It's real. As real as I can get. And I'm journaling the wins I had for the day and the things that affected my life that day. And all of a sudden, the journaling, you know what it did? It allowed me to see the things that steered me in the wrong direction, allowed me to see the things that were, like, I'd go back three, four, five weeks in my journal. I'm like, oh, my God, I can't believe I let that derail me. And I started seeing a pattern of the things that derailed me and the things that gave me confidence and courage to go to another level. And I started doing more of those and less of this. I mean, I was, like, starting all over again. And you might have to experience this. When it comes to success, you might have the same fears I do about starting your new business because of old fears, old challenges, old experiences, right? So the reason I'm doing it. So I start journaling, and then I start. Every single night, every single day, every night, every morning in my journal, I'm writing just three things. I'm grateful for little things. And I'd write down, the dog was amazing today. I Playing outside. She's such a cute dog. My son smiled at me after being grumpy, or I was. I got to watch a baseball game or watch my daughter pitch. I start writing these down, and I'm. I'm, like, finding myself again. As crazy as it sounds, now listen again. So many of you have had ten times worse experiences. I'm not trying to say, poor me. No. This was my journey. I'm doing this to inspire you to turn your ship towards the ship, towards the storm, right? So I started gratitude. I started journaling exercise. What I realized, too, when I got hit, when this hit me the hardest, I stayed away from exercise. I'm like, I can't even think about exercise right now. When simultaneously, when you exercise, more oxygen goes to the brain. Your endorphins are released. I needed exercise. I started exercising again on a regular basis. And then I started doing what I'm doing right now. I started talking about it. For the first eight, nine months, I didn't tell anyone. This was my thing. I felt like a failure. I'm like, how can I do so much right in my life and I'm doing this wrong. I started talking about it. I started expressing it. I started to say it out loud. I started to not be embarrassed by it. I started to lean into it. I started not thinking as a failure. Started thinking I could only be a failure if I screw this up and don't learn. And I also like anything else. I stopped letting unqualified people give me even a hint of what was right and what was wrong. I won't listen. In fact, I want to tell you something. Where I'm at now, there were some friends in my life that told me, hey, man, stay in a marriage. It doesn't work. It doesn't matter, because you'll be so sad. Your kids will be messed up. And when they saw me go through it and I'm going to talk where I am now, they're back and like, oh, my God, you're so brave. I want to fix my marriage. I need to fix it. Like, instead of just ignoring, I want to fix. Like, they were saying it because they were in pain. And it was such a. Like a flashlight and a magnifying glass on everything. Because I realized the people that gave me shitty advice is because they were miserable, because they were afraid to face their fear. And then since I did, all of a sudden they're like, oh, my God, Dean, please tell me how you did it. Tell me how you got through it. And I was like, wow, I teach people this all the time, but now I get to see it firsthand because it's been so long since I've been in the business side. But so many people who tell you, you can't start your own business, it won't work. You're not qualified it's because they're afraid. Because they're scared and they're projecting their fears onto you. Then here's the best part. I started to. I started observing my thinking. Now, I teach this all the time. I do it in business all the time. I observe my thoughts nonstop. But now I'm observing my thoughts for the things that take me down the wrong path rather than the right path. I started detecting shit, thinking immediately and go, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not going down that road. That road leads me to anxiety and fear. I won't be a good dad. I won't be a good. I won't impact the world. I won't be a good example. No, I'm not going down that road. I'm going down this road. I started to catch myself when I was just. When I was like the triggers that would put me in the wrong direction. And then all of a sudden, with that combo of all those things, I started redrafting my story. You know, I tell everybody all the time what lives between you and the life you desire. Besides the obstacle. The obstacle sometime could simply be the story you tell yourself. If you tell yourself, I could make more money if I had money to invest in my. If somebody gave me money to invest in my company, I could do it if I lived in a different area, I could do it if I had a different spouse, I could do it if I had different parents, I could do it if I lived in a different area, if I had a different education, if I was smarter, faster, richer, wasn't stuck in a bad job. What stands between you and your next level of life is the story. The story that I had that was driving me mad, driving me to have anxiety, driving me to have fear, driving me to have emotions I've never had in my life was a really shit story. If I leave my kids, I'm going to do what my parents did to me. I'm going to screw their life up and I'm going to miss them so bad. I'll never be the same. That was my story. How about if I just tell you that? What if I said that to you? I say it out loud right now. Do you know eight months ago, I couldn't even said that story out loud? I'd probably go into. A year ago, I'd go into an anxiety attack. Literally. I'd be like. Because that story was so powerful. You know what that story is? It's a piece of shit. Screw that story right now. That story is just ridiculous. It's a freaking lie. That Story cost me torment and just hardship. And that story can go F itself because it's so not true. And then all of a sudden when the story changed and I said, listen, the fact of the matter is I wish that my marriage worked out. I wish that it was me, but it didn't. So now that I'm here, I can't go back and fix time. I definitely made some massive mistakes, but I can't go back and undo time. I can't reverse the clock. So my new story is that I'm going to build a next level relationship with my kids. They're going to thrive. That parents screw up. Parents screws up kids not divorce. That. I see my kids literally every day they live. I bought them a house three miles down the road. My ex and I are better friends now than we've ever been. We talk regularly, we talk about the kids. I can, I mean, we go meet for dinners, we go to the games and meet there. Everything that I thought and all the people around me told me could never happen happened. Literally. My ex and I are better friends than we've ever been. We're better parents than we've ever been. And here's the great part is I know £10,000 came off her shoulders. So do mine. So did mine. I know our kids feel it. I mean, literally, I left this morning to go see my kids. I stopped over there, said hi to them at their house. And when I left, my son gave me a kiss and he's like, dad, I love you. Do I see you tonight? My son and I's relationship has gone to another level. I see them literally as much, if not more I did because I used to work extra time. And here's what I know. I also made a conscious decision that if I don't as much quantity of time with my kids when I have it, the quality is going to double. I'm going to 10 times the quality and the connection and putting my phone down and looking in their eyes. And I'm consciously aware of it. I know I'm a better man. I'm on the other side of that. And the stuff I want to share with you guys is where I'm at now. Okay? It was a year ago where I had anxiety so bad I wouldn't want to get on a plane. I had anxiety that I didn't want to get in elevators. I was getting in elevators and I was looking for the escape hatch and the emergency button. If I didn't see the escape hatch, I'd get off and walk up 20 stories. I honestly thought that's where I was stuck. Without telling you, without telling friends, without telling the world. And my buddies, Tony Robbins, Daniel, Amen. And people that you don't know said, I know it feels terrible, but the only way to the better version of you is to turn your ship. You're avoiding it. You say you're not. Your terminology says you're avoiding it. Your physiology says you're avoiding it. Your actions say you're avoiding it. Your anxiety is a voice telling you, hey, do something. We have to face this shit. We can't just let it go anymore. The cork came off the bottle. There was no other way. And as reluctant as I was because I thought I had this figured, I thought I could think through it and I couldn't, as reluctant as I was, I took my ship and I turned it into the storm. And I thank God that I did. Where I'm at now is I'm at the other side of it. And I have never felt like I feel now. I know the next 10 years of life with my kids, it's going to be amazing. I'm going to create a process. I'm going to create the best divorce situation that ever happened in the history of the world. I have zero other story. I. I have. There's no what ifs anymore. Screw what ifs. If you burn the boats, you want to take the island, you burn the boats. I have no other. There's no other exception. And I replaced my relationship with my ex. To worry about ego and what's fair and keeping score with love doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. There were some things while we were going through the divorce that I didn't think was fair. I'm like, it's okay. That's what you think. I did it with love. The hell with ego. The hell with keeping points. Those things transformed everything and bonded us as friends, bonded us as co parents. And now I have. What I want most is no anxiety. And here's the other thing, too. And this is the most transparent thing I could possibly say. I was not congruent in my life. Every area of my life was solid. There was nothing. I had two business partnerships ready for this. I have two business partnerships. And I appreciate all the comments, guys. I haven't looked over here once. I promise I'm going to read all of them. I always do. If you have any comments, let me know. But here's what I want to tell you. I have two business partnerships. Both of them, we've done over a half a billion Dollars together. I would guess that's about the number. Maybe one's 400 million, one's 600 million, but two business partnerships close to a billion dollars. You know what the contract was that we had each other? It was like. No, it was this. It was a handshake. Zero contracts with both of them, neither one of us. I never had an argument, never had nothing. Because I say what I do, I do what I say. And so did they. Congruent easy. No fights. They're still my dearest friends. One of them, we stopped our relationship. His dream car was a 68 Camaro convertible. I spent 70 grand and bought it for him. Like, that's what I had. And in every area with my. The people who work with me, my team, they know what I say is what I do. I'm a man. I'm congruent in all areas of myself. I'm congruent with my message. I'm speaking now from the heart, you know, the person I am. I don't use scripts. I don't use teleprompters. I don't use any of that. But I was full of shit at home because my relationship sucked. And I didn't tell it to my kids. I didn't tell it to the world. So I had this ugly thing that I was hiding. I didn't even realize that it was in there, like, burning a hole in me and like, making me, like, toxic. I get to talk about. You have no idea. I have goosebumps right now. I get to be me. I am more congruent right now than I've ever been in my entire life. I have nothing to hide. I have nothing. I get to be just me and work on me. I can't tell you how freeing that is. If you're stuck in a job right now that you feel you have to for certainty because there's some shit ass story that says you're screwed if you don't. I'm not saying quit your job today. Find a way to love your job and thrive while simultaneously you're working on your side hustle and you're doing it for you. If you're in a shitty relationship that's dragging you down, do what Tony Robbins says and take the next 90 days and pretend it's the beginning, the first 90 days of your relationship. Tony says if you treated people at the end of your relationship like you did at the beginning of the relationship, there'd be no end. So try that for the next 90 days. Give it your all. Don't keep Score. Don't let your ego get in. Just be the best version of you. Be a mirror. Let them see who you want in them by being that person. Person. Don't. Don't tally it up. Do those things and see where you are in 90 days. In 90 days, if it's worse and you truly were that person, then you got to make a decision on how you could fix it. Or maybe it's got to end. But I'm telling you, going through this experience, the reason I want to take the time here today with you guys and do this. And I know this was a real. This was a different. And listen, if you're just joining the inner circle, every month is a day. Go back and look at the old one. It's all about training you and go into the next level. But I think this might be the most important training that I've ever shared because I didn't realize there was a piece of me holding back. I've generated over a billion dollars in my life. Did I keep all that money? No, absolutely not. But my companies and my brands have. But still, there was a part of me that wasn't that next level. And when people say, you can't have it all, screw that. You can't have it all. You can't. Somebody say, well, I'm out of shape, but I'm a really good dad, or my relationship sucks, but I work out like, no. When you anchor in the right foundation, the things we talk about, you can thrive in all areas of your life. They don't have to be restricted to just one area. You can do it all. And I believe more than anything that one of the things that will hold you back is not facing that obstacle. I have a dear friend that was there for me every single week. I talked to her. Her name is Annie. I talked to her every single week while I was going through this. And she's just incredible. And this is what she does for a living. And she said something I thought was really powerful. I want you to think about that. Like, think of what we do in life as mapping out new terrain, right? So think of the. Think of our life as like the Earth and we're explorers, right? And some people take one path. They go to work every day. They do the same thing, same couple of friends they do. And that's. And they're okay with this one straight line path. They don't see any of the world. They just. They do this. They go do their thing and they come back. That's one version. And there's Some people who say, this path that everybody says is great, this path that everybody, like, says, this is the security, this is the safety. This is how life is supposed to be. It's like, screw that. And they wander off the path, right? If you're here with us today, you're here with me today. You're part of the inner circle. That means that you're someone who's wandered off the path. Congratulations. The path sucks. The path is what everybody else does. The path that. And if somebody's on it and they're miserable, they want you to be on the path with them when they see you straying, like, no, no, no, get back on here. It's not safe out there. No, it's not safe on the path. We have one life. We got to squeeze every bit of juice out of this life. You don't want to look back at the end of your life being 100 years old, be in the hospital and go, wow, I walk the same path every day. I'm so glad I played it safe. No, screw that. No one says that shit. The end. You're like, why didn't I step off the path? Why didn't I go for more? Why didn't I tap into my. Why didn't I go after being an artist, go after real estate investing, go after doing my own online business, Go after the fitness world, go in the coaching world, go sing. Why? Why didn't I do it? Because someone told you staying on the path was smart. Screw that. Get off the path. But if you think about that and you're mapping out terrain. So just think, if we're explorers, if we're on the path, we get to explore new territory. I'm going to read some of these guys. We get to explore new territory. But when you explore new territory, you've kind of mapped out that terrain. Now, if you go off the path and you find a cliff, you can mark that. If you find paradise, you could mark that. If you find water, you mark that. You find mountains, you mark that. You find the ocean, you mark it. And all of a sudden you start explaining exploring. For me, going through this process, I mapped out a whole new bunch of terrain. I mapped out a. I mapped. Listen, can I tell you something? I feel absolutely, positively bulletproof because I face the biggest fear of my life. There's nothing that can get me. Let me just tell you something. I drive down the road and somebody cuts me off. I wave to them. I order chicken for dinner. They bring me steak well done. I eat the steak well done, and Say thank you because the little shit doesn't matter anymore. If you want another level of life, get bigger problems and solve bigger problems. Literally solve bigger problems and watch your life go to another level. Watch the little shit fall away. The stuff that used to bug you, be like, why did I let that bug me? Get a deeper set of problems and solve that shit. And when you're done with that, solve the next one. And when you're done with that, solve the next one. Instead of solving $100 problems. You know what my wish for you is? Solve million dollar problems. They're the same amount of stress. If you need 100 bucks to pay the bill or you need a million, I assure you it's the same stress. So why not add more zeros? Why not? See, I truly believe that the more terrain you map, you can revisit paradise. You know where the danger is, you know where the quicksand is, you know where the anxiety, the stress and the worry is. If you map it out, you can go there, conquer it, and just cross it off the map and never go back there. But if you stay on the path, you just say, oh, it's dangerous out there. And you live that small life. You're here with me because you want a big life. You want your full potential. You don't want my life, you don't want everybody else's life. You want the best version of you life. And I hope today by being this transparent that you get to see that it's. That turning your ship towards the storm to face it is really the only way. And a year ago, I'm not sure I believed it because it hurt so bad. So I really appreciate you guys hearing my story, and I hope that through the challenge that I went through, that it inspired you to face your biggest fears. Because I know there'll be nothing that can stop you once you face it. So I want to get to some questions right now. So, Lou, if you don't mind me reading this. I finally need to let go of anger and resentment I have for my dad. Somehow I think this relates to my lack of wanting to work hard. I used to be such a great student. I'd sit at the desk and get things done. Hard work. Okay, so, Lou, I'm going to pick on you for a little bit here if you don't mind. So think about this. I don't know what the story you have with your dad is, and I want everybody to listen. Is this just for Lou? No, this is for everybody. So think about this in your own Life. What if. And this is Tony Robbins said this to me and it just stuck. What if life happened for us, not to us? And I want to tell you this story. So I had the same issues with my dad for a long time. I love him to death. He's my dear friend now. I moved him out here. He's in my office doing great. He's 82 years old. He looks like he's 60s. Damn. He's almost as good a shape as me. But when I was a kid, my dad was. Let me just back up. My dad was the youngest of 12. My dad's father physically abused him. Like missed second grade because he'd go to write and he'd snap the pencils. And he was sexually abused. And he talks about that publicly or I wouldn't say it. My dad had a lot of anger because he was so taken advantage by being sexually abused and physically abused. So my dad fought with everybody. Somebody cut my dad off in traffic. It was road rage, fist fight, punching. Somebody came into our collision shop and didn't agree with him. Fist fight, yell, scream, throw out the door, go to a restaurant, bring the wrong food. My dad would go in the back, in the kitchen and fist fight with the chef. And I was always afraid. And When I was 11 years old, my mom got remarried to my stepdad, Lenny. And my dad really lost his mind. He couldn't take it. He didn't like I was around Lenny. He didn't like any of it. He was going so upset. I would use that word that I said to him. How will you stop this? How will you leave mom alone? He said, move in with me. So I did. And I left my friends, I left my mom, I left my stepdad. I moved in with my dad. And I literally moved into a bathroom. His house didn't have heat in it. Except we literally. The story when you hear that, the long story is I moved in with them. And there was no walls, no heat. So we drug a bed into the bathroom every night and we plugged in an electric heater. We took the knob off the door, ran the extension cord through the knob, and we could heat up this little room. And that's where we slept. True story. So I left the most comfortable home and moved in with my dad. And I watched my dad just derail. But here's what I know. That was God's plan. That was the universe's plan. That happened for me. Because here's what I know. My dad is also the greatest guy in the world. Took me fishing. Let Me drive to school when I was 15, 14 years old, I'd take the car. I say that now because it's too. But he. I mean, he'd go hunting. He hated hunting, but he'd sleep out in a tent with me and take me hunting, taking, fishing, so many amazing things. And my dad, he taught me my work ethic, all this great stuff. So if I'm gonna blame my dad for causing that stress and anxiety in my life, I. I better blame him for all the good. Because here's what I want to tell you. If I wanted to keep my dad in good spaces, I could see when my dad, before he knew it, I could see when my dad was going to go down the wrong path, when he was going to get in that state of his ego, of feeling taken advantage of. And I learned 11, 12, 13, 14, how to read my dad, feel his emotions and spin them and keep him in a great state because it protected me. If my dad was in a good state, I'd spin. Super dad. Fun. Playing baseball, football, driving the cars. Bad dad. Not an experience I didn't even want to talk about. So I learned how to do that. Then I learned how to read him when he walked in a room. Well, guess what? I can go stand on stage right now and read 10,000 people in the audience and feel their heart, feel what they need and present and kill it. I'm not the best speaker or presenter. I mean, a trained speaker. But no one does better than me on stage. Not hardly anyone. No one outsells me if I want to sell. No one cares, has the empathy because I can feel, feel the whole audience. So if I'm going to blame my dad for all the craziness and I had a bleeding ulcer at 12 years old, if I'm going to blame him for that, I best damn near also blame him for giving me the capabilities to change people's lives. I got to change him. My dad's in the greatest space in the world right now, 82 years old. He's all his past is gone. He's in a wonderful place. I get to help him through that and I get to help others, because that's the journey that was chosen for me. Lou, instead of blaming your dad for what could go wrong, why don't you blame him? You're here right now seeking another level of life. You're here gaining capabilities. I bet you're a badass. Stop using it as an anchor and start using it as the wind behind your sail. Start saying, that's the life God, the universe, whatever you believe in, chose for me. Holy shit. Thank you. How can you go back and recoup all those assets and use them as research and development to take your life to the next level? Rather than saying, I can't believe those things happen to me, start saying, well, oh my God, thank God those things happened to me and. Am I just talking to you? No, I'm talking to everybody on here right now. What can you take from the past that you thought was an anchor and it can actually be the wind behind your sails? When we transform, when we change the story, we change our lives. Change the story today. Not someday, today. In fact, I'm giving you an assignment. I don't know if your dad's still with us. If he's not, I'm sorry. If he is, call him today and blame him for all the good that you've gotten from him. Even if it's learning to be the complete opposite of him. If, if, if everything he's did you didn't like and you became a better version, you wouldn't have had that example to be this better version of you. So why not? If you're going to blame him for the shit, call him today and blame him for what is good in your life and watch the crap just fall off and watch your next level go a lot faster. So Edward, I think, is being 85 years old and looking back and accomplishing everything you want but not living the true person you are compared to living the true person and not accomplishing all your goals. I don't think they have to be separated. And again, I took too long there, guys. I didn't mean to kill the momentum. You guys have so many great questions. I don't want to miss any of them. I appreciate it. And again, at the end here, let me know if you think this type of sharing, if it had an impact today, if it did what I hoped. If you are, let me know if there's a fear in your life that you're finally going to face. And again, I know I saw them, but say it again. What fear are you going to face? How are you going to course correct your ship? And Edward, I want you to think about this and everybody listening. I used to think that I could be wealthy, but I'd have to sacrifice things. I could be healthy, but have to sacrifice other things. I thought I could live my purpose, but maybe my purpose doesn't make me money. And I think that's just shitty stories. I think it's just a story. The more I where I feel now I'm feeling bulletproof and is. I realize everything is a story. I know you've heard Henry Ford who say, if you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you won't. Right? I think that's the quote. But I believe that now more than anything, even to ask yourself a question, is embedding a story in your life? Can I be 85 and have it all? Can I be 85 and, you know, reach my goals but miss out on my true purpose? No. Why not go after it all? I mean, literally, in business, I used to say, listen, I'm 50. I'm in the best shape of my life. Well, maybe I was in better shape about two years ago, but I'm almost. I'm 60 days away from the best shape of my life. I feel better. I have the best relationship with my kids. I coach Little League. I coach softball. I'm literally. I have two new companies launching and considering partnering with somebody right now in another company. I think my businesses, my brands and my businesses will be at 4 or 500 million a year within the next five years. I'm on fire right now. And I say that, and you might be saying, dean, I don't have money. That's really cool that you got money now. You can do all that stuff. But I've been through all those phases, and I felt that fire through everything. And all I know is I was able to see in my head, it's like, no, I don't want to be a good dad. I want all of it. And I want to live my passion and my purpose. It doesn't happen overnight. Remember, we overestimate what we can do in a year and we underestimate what we can do in five. Okay? So think about that. You can have it all in five years. And five years goes by just like that. But in my personal life, I kind of got screwed up, right? I showed you guys. But then when everything changed is when I said, I don't just want my kids to thrive. I want to have a loving, deep friendship with my ex. I want to be able to see my kids every single day. People told me that wasn't possible. People told me, you're a dreamer about divorce, dude. Once she starts wanting this, once she starts splitting things up, you're a dreamer. It never goes. You're living in La La land. I just want you to tell me. Everybody told me I was living in a freaking fantasy. You can't do that. You can't be friends with. You can't see the kids every day. You can't do this. You can't do that. Screw all that shit, okay? That was a story somebody told them and they accepted it. I am unwilling to accept someone else's shit story in my life right now. My family doesn't live. We don't live in the same houses. We live in two separate houses. I am dear friends with my ex. I see my kids every day. They are thriving. We found a way to make this work. And I'm only going to learn how to make it better, quicker, and set the example. I'll probably write a book on it someday because I wasn't willing to listen to someone else's crap. So if you want a different level of life, get the crap out of your head, change the story, face your fear, and know you truly can have it all. And I say that have it all. Does it happen overnight? Absolutely not. Do some of you watching right now have just obstacles in your way that are a mile high and you're standing looking like holy shit? Yes. And I'm sorry, but I want to tell you I was there. I was there when I was broke as a kid. I was there in my 20s. I was there in my 30s, and now I can't believe I was there in my 50s. I'm not in my 50s yet. I'm 49, so I'm holding on to 49 as long as I can. So that's. That's my answer. My long answer to a. My long answer to a short question. Okay, thank you, Sanjay. Thank you, Chris. I'm in battling. Let's see. Yes. I have to make a decision and my family. There's so many great questions, guys. I'm going to read every single one of these that came in. I appreciate it. There's so many. There's hundreds and hundreds of questions. I appreciate. I appreciate all the great comments. Again, I'm glad you like this. I will continue to. I'll continue to go deeper. I will share the good and the bad because you're a part of my inner circle. You're a part of my family. If I don't share this stuff, then I am full of shit. And I'm going to be the most congruent person you ever experienced. Experienced in your life. And through that congruency, I hope that you continue to learn and grow. Listen, I truly believe with all of me, I still spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on my own education and part of groups and masterminds and traveling and all that kind of stuff. The fastest way to your next level of life is learning from those who are playing the game at the highest level possible. You can learn from your own experience, your own trial and error, which is the most costly, the most painful. Or you can learn from other people. And that's why I admire you. I know we're kindred spirits. If you're here, you. You're smart enough to realize that, and I don't take it for granted. Listen, it's such an honor and a privilege and a pleasure to have you guys here on my podcast. The podcast is on fire because of you. We haven't been promoting it because of word of mouth. We're doubling every month since we started, and it's. It's all because of you. I appreciate this. I appreciate the. The wisdom, the messages. Make sure you follow me on Instagram and let me know, because you can hit me up with DMS and let me know any topics that you want me to talk about. Again, if you love this, share it with friends, like it, post on it, comment, anything you can do to keep the momentum forward so we can affect more people's lives. If you liked this podcast, make sure you rate it. And also make sure to click subscribe so you never miss out. Remember, all success starts here.