Good Day Google+ - Love is in the Air

I'm glad you caught that.

Here, I'm going to Blue Box him. Let's see what we can say. I see we're live. Oh, we can't hear you now.

I think he wants us muted for a reason.

Here we go. How about now?

There we go.

Do I have to sing Love Is in the Air all over again? Well, good day, Google+. I'm sorry, but it's live TV. Things happen and we're just gonna have to move on from there. I think I know why I wasn't working now, is because my Yeti was muted. So let me go back in there and see if it's working. You still hear me, guys?

Yes. Yes.

Okay, so much. Here's my Yeti. As a matter of fact, when they say size matters, it does with microphones.

No wonder you're surrounded by women.

That's awesome.

I've got my— I just have a snowball. That's all I've got. Nothing compared to a Yeti. My blue snowball.

We gotta have something impressive out here. It's that manly thing. We're live and we're coming to you from Good Day Google Plus, and I'm just gonna run through my guests real quick, and then we're gonna come back and talk to each one of them. So over on my far side, I have Dr. Diana Kirschner, and she's in here with us today, and she is the love doctor. So I'm glad you could be with us today, Diana.

Thank you, Dr. Dennis Littley.

And next to Diana, I have Jessica Duhl, and she's the one that's going to bring us a little— what are you bringing us today?

Some sparkle!

Some sparkle, I love it. Yeah! Alright, and the unknown guest in the middle is actually Monica Bide, and she is my dear friend, and she's in Washington, DC, and an excellent speaker. I met her at a conference last year, and she's joining Google+ and getting started, and we want everybody to follow her because she is wonderful. So, and of course, I— when I saw your first name, Delilah, I just fell in love with you right away. The Monogamous Temptress, the love coach. I said, I have got to get to know this lady better. So I loved it. So I'm so happy you could be with us today.

Oh, thank you.

I am happy to be here. I'm so excited when you asked me to be here. Awesome.

My pleasure. So we have quite a cast for you today, and so if you have questions for our guests, like always, just leave them in the comment tracker and we will get to them as soon as possible. Alright, so I'm gonna start. I'm gonna turn over to Dr. D right away, and we're gonna talk to her and learn a little bit more about her. So Dr. Diana, why don't you tell us what you do on and off the Plus and what, what's your passion?

Well, I am known as the love mentor, and I'm a psychologist, and I spent many, many, many years actually studying how love, the mysteries of love, actually occur, what really is going on in love relationships. And it's been quite a journey, you know, and I use all of it in my own lab. And actually, we work— I have a team of love mentors who work under my supervision, and we send love all over the globe, all to thousands, tens of thousands of people, with my phone and Skype, in terms of coaching sessions about how to create self-love, love with a partner, dating success, and it's really been an amazing blessing, an amazing, amazing, exciting blessing.

It certainly sounds like it, and I hear you have been on Oprah.

Yes, yes, and let me tell you, she is a love, she is a dear, you know, she is so the same whether the camera's on her or the camera's off her. And she's so respectful. The thing that, you know, I've been on a lot of shows. I've been on many— the Today Show many times, Good Morning America, lots of other shows. And she is really appreciative and respectful and willing to learn, which is so incredible. And I think that's why she's so good at what she does. You know, we totally identify with her. Because she's real.

Well, everybody loves Oprah. I mean, it'd be impossible not to. So, you know, when I heard that, I was like, boy, I'm moving up in the big leagues if one of my guests has been on Oprah. Oh boy. So happy to have you here. All right, now let's talk to Jessica Dool and let us share some of your sparkle with us.

Oh my gosh. Well, and you know, every single one of us sparkles, Chef Dennis. Not all of us look as good as you with your beautiful HD level internet connection. And regardless of how good or bad our internet connection is, we all— everything starts from right here in our heart. And it's so cool to watch people wherever I'm having conversations with them, at the grocery store, at the gas station, you know, here on the Plus, on other social platforms. And it's just amazing to hear their stories and where they're at and where they're going and what excites them. And I'm like, tell somebody else that today because people tell me things they tend not to tell other people and I'm like, it's so cool, tell somebody else, share that, share that, spread that sparkle.

Absolutely, it's a very good thing to do and I'm thinking the more people I talk to and I tell them about Google+ they're going, you know, I don't see that on Twitter, I don't see that on Facebook, I want that, I want that. I'm saying, well, you know, it's on Google+ but you got to work for it, it's not something that just comes automatically. But this is like the perfect place to share your sparkle and share your stories and just it's one big love fest we really have here, I'm telling you.

Every week in fact. Oh, here, check out what Scott says. He says, hey, bring in Sparkle Tour Friday, so glad to be watching this morning's Good Day Google+.

Absolutely, and Scott's coming on soon to one of my shows, so I'll be happy to have him on. He's your partner in crime?

He is one of my partners in crime for the Jess and Scott and You Show. Boy, do we do some fun, awesome stuff over there.

You certainly do. You certainly do. One great thing about these shows is they're entertaining. I was telling people that, too. I have to entertain. If I can't entertain, then to me, I would just be boring. Let's have some fun.

All right.

Now let's move over to Monica. Monica, I met you last year in person at Eat Right Retreat. I just was enthralled with your opening speech and everything you said. I just love listening to you. So I'm so glad you're finally getting back onto Google+ and I want to make you well known and get you out there. So let's talk about you today and what are you doing?

Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words and I appreciate your having me on. And as your first two lovely ladies were speaking, I, you know, the thought that was going in my head is Have you ever heard somebody really famous stand up and speak, like Bill Clinton? You know, he'll stand up and give this really nice speech, and then you wonder which poor schmuck is gonna have to go next. So I'm listening to these two and I'm thinking, "Oh, I'm gonna go up next after them. What am I going to say?" I have never been on Oprah, although I love the show. My background is actually, guys, really very geeky. I'm an engineer. I came to the States to get my Master's degrees, which I have two, and I worked for a long time in corporate America trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. And, you know, doing leadership training and studying about computer systems just wasn't cutting it. It was just not brightening up my world. In fact, I used to often say that I felt a little part of me dying every day when I went into the office. I felt like something was not right. So I quit my job, and this was 10 years ago almost to the date, and I decided what I really wanted to do was write. So it's been 10 years, 3 books, and 2 children later, here I am, food writer, coming live to you from Virginia.

And you've also been quite an accomplished food writer, I have to say, too. You've been given awards for that and been some notoriety as one of the best food writers in the nation.

Well, thank you. I consider myself very blessed. I think it's one of those things, you know, they say if you really pursue what you love, and it's sort of this, this pure love and pure passion, doors open up where you didn't even see them. I mean, I've had opportunities come my way where I would never in a million years have gone, and I think it's one of those things of just pure passion and following what, what you love to do.

Absolutely, absolutely. And it shows. And you also teach writing, don't you?

I do, in fact. Next week I'm headed to Dubai. I've been invited by the government of the UAE to come and teach children there about my love of writing and food. And then as soon as I come back, I'm headed back out to London teaching at the International— I'm sorry, at the Food Bloggers Connect conference. I'm gonna be teaching a ton about writing through your senses and writing about food. So yeah, thank you very much.

Do you still have that online program too?

I do. I teach food writing classes online. I teach people how to write cookbooks online. We're just finishing up a session. The next session goes live, I believe, in September.

So, you know, this is— this would probably be a really good medium for you to start using and use these Hangouts and, you know, get more, uh, get the word out more about what you do. And, you know, I think we should have a little seminar with you leading it up for our food bloggers to talk.

I would love that. You know you're going to twist my arm into doing this, right? Sending me all these these wives over the net.

I keep telling you, I've been dragging my friends on here and Isabel Lacy is one of them and she's Sunday Supper and all she does now is thank you so much for being so persistent and making me use this. She sees, she hasn't quite drank the Kool-Aid yet but she's taking little baby sips from it.

Well, I'm drinking, I'm drinking. I mean, you're a rock star. I'm so happy to be to be here. Thank you so much.

My pleasure. And you know, you like to tell stories too, if I remember correct, and you told some really good ones at the Eat Right Retreat.

Well, I figured, you know, when I first started writing, what I found was that people wanted to try the recipes if they identified with the stories because they're so universal. I mean, everybody's got a "my grandmother made this" story, or "this drink reminded me of this wonderful experience I had on my honeymoon," or whatever. Whatever it is that connects them to the food, because food really is all about your memories and what it brings back. It's, you know, it's very— it's so intimate. I always say, you know, food is even more intimate than sex. You're putting it in your mouth. I mean, like, seriously. This is a show about love, so I had to get that in there somehow.

I'm not going to touch it anymore.

I'm just going to walk around my way.

How practical is that?

I don't see a win. And that's one and all for me. So we're— so much trouble.

Delete, delete, delete.

As my friend, Giselle from Eco Eco TV would say, "Ay, papi." Oh my God.

Okay.

Have I turned totally red?

I'm afraid to almost turn it over to her on that note because this is her specialty.

Thank you for saving me.

Delilah Taylor, the Monogamous Temptress. Please tell us about what you're doing and what your passion is, Delilah.

My passion is igniting your passion.

I think it's ignited right now.

Monica, don't feel bad, I'm that poor schmuck at the end. A number of years ago My husband and I have been together, we've been married for 17 years, we've been together for nearly 20 years, but about year 12, we ran into this problem that life just took over and we completely lost track of each other, and we were like 2 minutes from being divorced. And I'd actually hired a divorce attorney, we were separated, and we decided, you know, We've got too much into this. We've got 4 kids, we've got a house, we still love each other. So we're gonna give this one last Hail Mary ditch effort and try. And what we did was we just started all over again. We started from that dating phase and redid the whole thing. And within a couple of months, suddenly we were that couple that everybody wanted to be again. And I mean, it was just beautiful. And all of our friends were coming up to us, they're like, "How did you do that?" So it got me thinking, I'm like, "Well, how the heck did we do that?" So I started studying on how it happened. I went through paramedicine school, so I got the medical side of it, the psychology side of it. I studied chakras for the spiritual side of it. I even studied sexuality, human sexuality, to see where that side of it came from and brought it all together. But what really wound up being my specialty was sex. I learned so much. It was just incredible. Look at Chef Dennis smiling.

That's okay.

I've got asthma.

This heavy breathing is not—

I really got deep into the, the portion of it with the sex on how women's sexuality and male sexuality are really two different things because we look at sex from such different views because we see it from that emotional side and that the part where we want to be close to one another, where men it's more the physical side. And there's so many problems between men and women right there because they, they see it from different views and don't understand each other as to why, after so long of being in a relationship, that you're just not having sex anymore, or it's just not that great anymore. I'll bring them back together in that format.

Sounds good. And what, what kind of things you do to bring people together? Let's give some people some tips on what they can do to bring themselves back in the game.

Generally, I'm sorry, did somebody— Generally, the first part of it is understanding why. Like with women, our biggest thing is we have to be emotionally involved with sex. So, you know, guys can be completely aroused and ready to go in under 2 minutes. Women, it takes us a good 20 to 45 minutes to build up that arousal to even be ready to have sex. So You know, husband's coming up and loving on you and you're like, "Really?

No.

Go away." He's jumping right in and I'm nowhere near ready yet. You got to heat my oven up. There has to be a buildup for a lady. So guys, there you go. You have to build her up. Start small, you know, give her the eye, give her a little pat, let her know that you're interested. Start off with a little bit of cuddling. But slowly progress your way into that with her. It's a good way to start, and communication is always, always huge. Always have to start with communication.

And to remember that foreplay isn't, "Honey, get me a beer." Exactly.

Not at all. One of my biggest things, and I love this, foreplay begins at breakfast.

Yes.

Yeah, all throughout the day, little hints all throughout the day, letting each other know, "Hey, I love you. I'm still attracted to you. I want to have this with you." Bring home little presents for each other, nothing big, you know, favorite piece of chocolate or whatnot. But you never stop dating each other, ever, ever, ever, because that's what keeps that relationship together.

That's fantastic. Absolutely perfect. Yes, yes, yes. And texting, you know, texting is like— you can kind of have a hot texting affair with your spouse that is unbelievable. I mean, you know, they can be sitting at a meeting and look down and they see this text from you like, I can't wait to get my hands on you, baby. And it's like an affair that's actually in your marriage. The other thing that is really fantastic is that you can work on actually staying in touch yourself with your sensual sexual side. For women, it can be very, very hard because as we age— the ageism in this culture is so bad. As we get older, as, you know, we maybe put on weight, we have wrinkles, we have gray hair, we have this, that, and the other thing. It's sometimes harder to be in a hot, passionate sexual relationship with your spouse because you're not feeling it. You're not feeling it even though the courtship may be there. You don't want to take your clothes off, you know, certainly not in the light. But one thing that you can do, and this is one of my favorite exercises from my new book, which is The Diamond Self Secret, which has really been so much fun to write. And you guys are gonna love this, all of you are gonna love this, is something called the chocolate cake exercise.

Okay, tell us more.

Don't stop there. Yeah, we like chocolate cake.

You imagine your favorite dessert, you know, it could be one of those amazing chocolate soufflés that you have to order before dinner, you know, that comes back all molten and dripping and hot and yummy, or it could be a tiramisu, it could be a crème brûlée, an amazing, you know, strawberry cheesecake, something with caramel dripping on it. You imagine your favorite dessert and imagine looking at it and how irresistible it is, and imagine, you know, having that sensation of that first taste of that dessert. And then you close your eyes and you imagine that you are that dessert. You are— in fact, you guys do Do it. Go ahead. Close your eyes. Pick out your favorite— imagine that you are your favorite, favorite, favorite dessert and it's so delicious and it's so yummy and it's irresistible. It's irresistible and it just feels so good. It makes you feel good. You make yourself feel good. You're just imagining that you are that dessert and you are irresistible. You are yummy. You are delicious. Absolutely delicious. Okay, now open your eyes. How does that feel?

Hmm, everybody looks really radiant. Brilliant. That sparkle, look at that. That's the sparkle right there.

We got a lot of mojo going on. We got a lot of mojo going on. That's for sure. So if you go and you do that exercise and you go into a social situation or a party are you going on a date, very interesting things actually happen. Very, very interesting things happen because we are not used to feeling totally irresistible. We are not used to feeling sensual. We are not used to feeling so yummy. But we are, each one of us is really, you know, when we get alive and we get in our bodies and we have that connection with our own energetic spirit, we are that yummy, we are that delicious, and we can be 50 pounds overweight, and we can be age 65, or whatever.

And it takes practice. That's the other thing I think I hear you saying, Dr. Diana, is that, you know, you can do it, and the more you do it, the easier it gets, the faster you can get to that place.

Absolutely, absolutely. You know, you want to live in the electricity, you want to live in the sparkle, you want to live in the passion. And that's where the happiness is. That's where your real happiness is, is in your body, actually. You know, so often we only permit that, like, when we eat, or— and it's not even— not even permitted when we eat, necessarily, because we're in our heads and we're judging everything and we're not present. We are just not present. Like in the Diamond Soul Secret, I talk about this thing, this judging thing, this inner critic thing that's actually, you know, just always judging. Even if you cook something great, it's not good enough. I didn't do it as well this time. You know, it's just amazing.

I really like what you said about believing in yourself. I think that comes up in so many situations, not just with your partner, but, you know, any artist who's putting a work out is constantly feeling very vulnerable because we tend to criticize. We live with that critic on our shoulder. It's when you're putting something out there, whether it's a painting or a piece of writing or a book or a Google Hangout or anything, I think believing and having confidence is key. And just going back to something Delilah said earlier, I really liked it because I've been married 20 years And you know, at a point you start to take each other for granted, and I think I love that idea of going back to, you know, when we first met 20 years ago, what did we like to do? So my husband and I have actually started dating each other again. We go out on movie dates, we leave the kids at home Saturday night, we go out on a date, we watch a movie, we go downtown to DC, we take a walk. It's such a difference. I don't feel like I've been married 20 years anymore. We're starting all over again, and it's wonderful because you really do take each other for granted, and it really just sort of— you become like roommates at some point. It's like, did you get the milk? Did you get the kids? Did you do this? Did you do this?

And it's like, wait a minute, we used to talk about other things, you know, more than milk. Yes, and when you get in that tape conversation, it's dreadfully empty. It's dreadfully empty and dreadfully boring and dangerous. To the relationship.

Let me pop that question back up. We have— Kim Boltman had said she has a question for the panel. How important is understanding yourself before you add another person to that equation?

I really want to answer that because I had it popped up, but then I lost it. It's highly important, because if you don't understand yourself, you can't explain to another person what you want out of a relationship or how to make you happy emotionally, mentally, or even physically. Um, and that's also part of the physical side of it is we are not taught how our bodies work in a sexual nature. So it becomes so difficult for people to reach that sexual height with each other because They don't understand each other's bodies. And I've actually— by the end of the day, I will have a post written up on that for the women's bodies, the parts of the body that we use for sexual pleasure. We know the parts that are used for menstruation and having babies and everything else, but we don't know what parts are used to increase our pleasure. To keep that long-term relationship. So, Kim, I'll help you out with anything.

You can post a link to that when you're done with it too in the comments so everyone can come back to it, please. We also have a couple nice comments here. Nazim Beltran's coming to us from Milan, and he's just joining in, and he says— he's saying hi, and he's also commented on the difference between men and women is We are quite trigger happy. And to that I would like to say, it's not premature when you've been thinking about it all day. So we'll leave it at that. And then Dionne Baldwin is here and she said to make sure you always send the text to the right person.

Yeah, very good point.

Not a group text, let's hope.

Yeah, exactly. Well, and you know, I would like to go back to the other question that Kim had too, because I just would want to say that our sparkle changes. And so just because we know ourselves today doesn't mean we're going to know ourselves tomorrow. So we have to be open to our— to the fact that we change and what will make us smile and feel good, whether it's like our favorite dessert or whether it's because we've put ourselves in whatever pattern of connection we have with ourselves. But I don't necessarily— I think you have to be able to connect with yourself more than you have to know yourself. Because I'm always at this— I'm in a place of self-expression, and I learn something new about myself every day. And some of the things that I share with my husband, he cracks up laughing and he goes, "Well, I've known that for years." I'm like, "Well, There you go. But you know, if he would have said it to me, I would have been like, "Whatever, that is so not true." So I love, I absolutely love what Delilah was saying, and I would add to that that it's okay if we don't really know ourselves as long as we're making an effort to be connected to ourselves in our discovery process.

I want to comment on what Monica said earlier. About starting back in the dating and stuff again, because we all change, we mature in our own ways throughout the years. And after you've been with somebody for so long, you think you know them, but really you don't, because they're, they're constantly changing too. And as long as we're still learning the new things about each other and connecting with each other in that way, we're always always going to stay connected and that's what's so great. That's the problem that my husband and I ran into. We thought we knew each other so well that we just quit talking to one another and then before long we had changed so much we were virtual strangers, you know, sleeping in the same bed nonetheless.

You're so right, Delilah. So right. I don't want anybody to complete my sentences.

Yeah, 80% of the couples who divorce, they say that they're divorcing not because of an affair. They say they're divorcing because they've lost the friendship. They've lost the friendship. And when you lose the friendship, you're in big trouble. And what do friends do? The friends confide in each other. They share each other's triumphs, their growth, and all that stuff. Stuff, one of the things that we do in the Love Mentoring Program is we have people do 10-minute listening sessions with each other, with their partner. So one sits down and it's almost like the one is listening almost like a therapist and they don't talk. And one talks for 10 minutes and they can talk about anything that they want without fear of reprisals or somebody coming back at them or whatever. Although if there is a lot of anger in the relationship, it's best not to talk about the relationship initially. But you know, you could talk for 10 minutes and the other person listens, and that time is sacred and you're allowed to bring that up in a fight. And then there's a reversal and the other person gets to talk for 10 minutes and the other spouse then listens. We have had people come back from the brink of divorce just from using this, using this every day or every other day, you know, they wind up having wild sex under the dining room table again, you know. So it's because you hear each other, you actually hear what's really going on in the moment, which is always different, as you said, it's always different.

And I would add, and I am married to a fairly extreme introvert, for me, I get to talk for a period of time, but then I have to sit in silence, just sitting next to him or looking at him or whatever, because that's how he feels like he's communicating. Yes. You know, and so I love exactly what you're saying, but also be able to value the quiet if somebody feels like they're communicating that way.

Well, yes, the silence. Now, sometimes a person will just say, "Nothing's coming to me right now." or they'll just be quiet and they still get their 10 minutes, you know. And there can be a deeper communion in silence, a much deeper communion if you are giving your partner your full attention. You don't have divided attention, but you're giving the partner the full attention, 100% full attention. You can have the deepest sense of communion and contact, right? Right, Delilah?

Absolutely. In fact, I teach that also as well. One of the biggest things is when your partner comes home and says something to you, put down the stinking computer, put down the phone, turn and face them and give them the eye contact and give them an answer because this is the person that you love, you want to spend the rest of your life with. They deserve 5 minutes of your time.

Yeah, and not divided attention like you're like looking at a text, you're looking at a business email, you're trying to look out of the corner of your eye. I mean, it's just this divided attention is a killer.

Absolutely.

I'm guilty of that big time, and I have to start making an effort to put my damn phone away and just not bring it or turn it off altogether because I get so crazed with this sometimes that I have to check it, I have to check it.

It's like an addiction.

It's like an addiction.

Yeah, absolutely.

I think that's the best way to describe it, is an addiction, and it needs to stop. And, you know, having you guys on today is helping me too, because I can feel myself slipping into that general direction.

So yeah, you know, my husband works 48 hours at a time, so he's gone for 2 days. And throughout the day, I mean, I'll be here and I'll be working, and when he Dennis Littley calls me on the phone, I put the computer down. Even on the phone, he's getting my full attention. It's not going to be divided because I know if I'm not actually listening to him and engaging in him with that conversation, we're not having that, that time together. He's not getting all of me that he deserves, and he truly deserves that. So even just on the phone, stop whatever else you're doing and give them that that month.

Such a good point. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, it was just such a good point. Listening to you brought back memories. We had these neighbors here who'd been married for well over 35 years, and you know, I like to tell stories, so I'm sitting there talking to her about, you know, what makes your marriage work for 35, I think even like 40 years, they've been married a long time, and it's the simple things, right? They didn't have kids, just the two of them, And every night they'd use their best china out for dinner, they'd lay out this beautiful table, all this stuff, and she kept saying, "You know, I didn't use this for the longest time because I was saving it for something special, and then I realized he is the something special. This is as special as it gets." So every night they lay out this beautiful table and the wine glasses and her best china. It was such a simple action, but it meant so much because she kept saying, You know, it's this beautiful wedding china they got and just sat there for that day. And every day was that day after you've been married for so long. It was just beautiful. I just love that action.

Wow, that's fantastic.

And some of these things can make us feel vulnerable. And you know, there's this vulnerability that we have when we're showing up and being real when it comes to social media, but there's a whole whole other level out there when it comes to our relationships and who we actually truly choose to be vulnerable with, and can we do it well? That's a skill I'm still practicing. I'm not very good at being vulnerable.

Well, I tell you, an easy way to do it is the 10-minute listening sessions. I still practice this with my husband, and we've been married for decades. But the, the 10-minute listening sessions are so great because you're sitting there and, you know, sometimes you can't believe what actually comes out of your mouth. Because you have the luxury of time, you know, to just kind of go from one idea to the other and you get deeper with your self-expression, deeper with your self-disclosure, and deeper with your emotional nakedness, you know, with being intimate with what you're saying. And it takes you in a very interesting direction also in terms of what can happen after that. If you have a real closeness, you know, you can take it into the physical or whatever, spontaneous expressions of love or sexual or passionate connection.

Yeah, I, I teach a communication method called the Vowels of Love. And instead, just what you're doing is great. I love that they can sit there and just talk openly like that. Well, usually when people come to me, they're not talking at all. They think that they know each other so well, there's no reason to speak, because that person already everybody knows what they're going to say. So I have to teach them how to talk again. And it starts off with asking open-ended questions. Not just the, "How was your day?" 'cause you're gonna get a one-word answer of "fine." But teaching them how to say questions of, "What is your thoughts about this?" Something that requires a full sentence answer. And how to elaborate on that answer. And how to be interested in their partner instead of interested interesting to their partner. Because if my husband comes home every day and I just start talking about me all day long, he's going to be like, "Okay," and then go in the other room. But learning how to go, how to banter back and forth in order to keep the conversation going so they can still learn about each other throughout the years, what's new and what's changed about each other.

Diana, you had mentioned something I think that a lot of us don't do, and I know I find myself guilty of this, is living in the present. How many of us don't live in the present? And I think that— and it seems so silly to think of it in those terms, but, you know, not being there all the time. You know, when you are in the same room, we're not actually living where we are. We're so preoccupied with other thoughts. We're thinking about what what we're going to do tomorrow, or, you know, just too many things crossing our mind instead of enjoying the time where we are at the time.

Yes, the thing is that really can be really sad is that you can miss your whole life even though externally you have everything. You may have, you know, a great partner, you may have wonderful children, you may have a wonderful career, and you could miss the whole thing. Because you are so busy in your mind chatter, in your commentary, your inner critic, your regrets about the past, your worries about the future, or just this mundane mind chatter. And so you could miss your whole life. That's the horrifying thing. You know, what 5 minutes of being present can give you is profound and powerful. And a simple way to bring yourself into the present is to pick something in your environment that is the most attractive thing. Like right now, like right now, the most attractive thing in my environment right now is actually you guys, so it's taking my attention. You're all so beautiful, actually. But if you weren't here, I would be looking around, and to do this and just do an eyes-open meditation for 5 minutes where you're actually being with— like right here I have a female Buddha statue that is just amazingly incredible. She's there actually to remind me about this because I was missing my life. I mean, I did have everything and I was missing it. And so she's here to remind me. So you take 5 minutes and you just put your full attention on it.

That.

And you have a thought and then you put your full attention on that. It's like a visual mantra. You have a regret, you have your full attention back on that. You have a worry, you put your full attention on that. And then what happens? The mind quiets. And then you can actually be present and enjoy the moment, which is spectacular. The fulfillment of the moment is more spectacular than you even can imagine. When you really are present, it is spectacular, it is miraculous. There is so much love and energy and things going on in there that it's amazing. It's really amazing. But you have to be able to stop and take it all in. Take it all in. The beauty of the moment is amazing.

And that actually brought to mind this great image of how a diamond is made. Or how a pearl is made. Pearl is made from the sand in the shoe of a clam, right? And that just grows and grows, and that clam turns it into something that it considers waste, but boy, the rest of the world really thinks it's something beautiful. Or all of that pressure that goes and you get each type of gem through the spectrum, and not acknowledging the sand in your shoe or the pressures in your life dull the shine. They dull the sparkle. They make us forget who we really are. And if we have that dullness, how can we show up? How can we be this awesome person that Delilah and Diana are telling us that we can be in this relationship with our spouse, our partner, our lover, whomever, friend, family.

Well, it's interesting. That point is really, really interesting, you know, and the work that I do is called the Diamond Self Work, interestingly enough, and that's the name of my book. And it has to do with taking, you know, what you resist persists. So it's about being present to what the challenges are, and at the same time then deliberately actually creating something different and new, which is the pearl, the pearl that emerges from the challenges, or the diamond, or the diamond self. And the interesting thing in the diamond self work that I've used a lot is it actually has to do with identity.

You—

there is no such thing as a fixed identity in your brain. If you looked at the part of your brain that had to do with identity, you would see it like a play of light, the neural nets in keep changing. Now because of that, you can actually deliberately create what I call a diamond self-identity. You know, there's also something that's called a disappointing self-identity, which is kind of the way you're critical and you're kind of judging yourself and all that other stuff. And you can, you can work with that. But you can also deliberately create a diamond self-identity. Like if you think of like Queen Latifah, Queen Latifah was born born Dana Owens. She chose a new identity which has to do with regality and also Latifah means kindness. It's regal and kindness and she created a new identity. Many celebrities actually do this but the reality is that all of us can actually create a deliberate identity that is an identity that will make us be more present or help us be more present and also be more happy. And you can actually give yourself a nickname, which is really fun, you know, really, really fun. And it can be sexual, it can be sensual, the Saucy Minx, the Vivacious Vixen, the— can be the, you know, Beloved Mighty Isis or Amazing Grace or, you know, anything that is really fun and puts you in the moment. Ever-present chef, ever-present food. You are ever-present food for the soul. I like that.

Monica?

Much better than some of the nicknames I've been given.

It's like a superhero name.

Monica, I really love your story that you had about the next-door neighbors, and now I'm curious, Was there something specific that you started doing every day, any dishes that you took off the shelf that you started doing on a regular basis?

Yeah, we did. We actually learned a lot from them. We, you know, I started using some of the nicer dishes that my mother had given me to serve the food in. I would never do it before because we had really little kids and it was always like, oh, it's just easier to use the, you know, the regular CorningWare stuff that if it breaks It's okay, it's fine. I actually started serving salads and beautiful platters. I found not just between my husband and I, but even with the kids, you know, they started eating better. It became a ritual. Dinner became this time for us to talk and everything was beautifully laid out. You know, we eat with our eyes first, so it was pleasant to look at and we would talk. Just one thing I wanted to add, and I think this is what Dr. Diana was saying earlier, I want to go back to this energy that we bring into our lives and in our relationships, it's also really important to bring the same energy into the kitchen when you're cooking a meal for the people you love. You know, I grew up in a very traditional household where we believed— I mean, this may sound new agey, but it's really old thinking— that the energy that you put into what you are serving others gets passed down. You know, if you look at physics, we're all made up of the same thing, and we are passing part of ourselves to everybody in the room. With the energy we bring. So it's really important, I think, when you're preparing a meal for the people you love, you know, if you don't believe in God, fine, but say a word of thanks as you prepare the meal. You know, give it with good energy. I think it makes a difference because I've noticed when I'm cranky in the kitchen and I'm like rushing through things and doing things really poorly, it reflects during mealtime. I mean, the food may taste fine, but there's this this energy in the air of like, "Let's move this along. This is not important," and that's not true. Anyway, I think it's important to bring a good energy to the people you love. I think it's critical.

I agree with you. I told you I study chakras, and yeah, at the basis, we are all atoms, which is energy.

Chakras.

Yeah, and our energy can pass from one to the other. You're not only putting that bad energy into the food, but you're shoving it onto everyone else around you. And it can really screw up every relationship, not just the one with, with your husband, but the one with your kids, the one with the neighbors. It can mess up everything around you. And you also have to be careful of the energy that you're letting come in, because if you're letting somebody else's bad energy take over yours, then it's going to mess you up. So yeah, that all— we're all connected in one form or another. And we have to be aware of that, of what we're going to release and what we're going to take back. So, yeah, I love it.

So let me ask you a question, Delilah. If we can feel that energy or we feel something's not quite right, or we know we are that energy that you guys are just talking about that seeps to other people that we love in our— or whoever we happen to be with, whether it's at work, whether it's at the store, whether it's the people on the road, how can we— do you have an idea of how we could recenter really quick? Or do something to shift that energy into a more positive place?

Great question.

Yeah, there's actually— I practice chakra meditation, and you can do it within about 5 minutes. The main chakras, there's 7 main ones within the body, and each one controls a different area. Like, if you're having problems that day with your anger, whatnot, you can reset the, the solar plexus chakra, which is right around your belly button area. Clean out that chakra. If you're having problems not, not being able to get your arousal up, you can reset your sacral chakra. If you're feeling that you're having problems not connecting at home, you can reset your root chakra, which is where home is. If you are feeling unfocused, you can reset your brow chakra, which is within your mind. There are different ways of resetting that energy, but it focuses with a slight meditation, do it about 5 minutes a day. Does that help?

Cool, I think so.

A shot of vodka helps too every once in a while.

I think that's good. Yeah, I love that. Being able to stop or even prevent it from happening by doing the meditation proactively is what I heard you say, Delilah. And if I am driving down the road and everybody seems to have road rage, I'm like, well, seems like maybe I need to do a self-check-in. So if I have the time, I will pull off the side of the road and take a deep breath. But if I can't, I'll be like, I'll breathe while I'm driving. Everybody breathe with me. How do we get here safely? Wow.

I actually like to do that at night too.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, because you know, you lay down in bed at night and everything throughout the day suddenly runs through your mind and you cannot go to sleep because everything that happened throughout the day has ticked you off, or you have all these bills and things coming up and all these worries. So you can like empty all that out and go to sleep. Works wonders.

Yeah, thank you.

Yeah, that's a problem a lot of us have is that going to sleep. I know we all suffer from that. We think too much instead of just— and I know like with me too, sometimes I'm on the internet too late. Yeah, I know.

We are—

lines me up and, you know, I'm rushing to get things done, like if I have not— if I have stayed off of it for hours so I can spend some quality time Then I figure, "Oh, I got to go on and check before I go to bed." That just makes things worse, I think, sometimes.

Meredith: It's the blue light, Chef, that comes from this. It's the blue light that comes from the screens. It's stimulating the daytime light, and so our bodies are like, "Oh, we're not supposed to go to sleep yet." There is a way around it. There's this guy that I love his podcast. It's Bulletproof Executive Podcast.— and he actually was talking one time about using a red-based light when you first wake up and right before you go to bed, so combined with whatever meditational journaling, or if you have been on your screen a little too close to bedtime, it will actually counteract that blue light so that you can get a deeper sleep. So you can be on a little bit longer and still get the same benefits of— I know, isn't that funny? He's a biohacker. Cracks me up when I hear stuff like that. I haven't tried it yet. I really want to. I really, really want to.

Where do you get the red light?

I think you can get them as— I mean, we just bought one and we haven't used it yet. We got it on Amazon, and that's all we did. We went and we bought a red light. It's about— it's probably this big around.

Roxanne, you don't have to put the red light anymore. That red light.

Wait, hang on. I was listening to classic rock music, but I don't know if I got the reference.

Oh yeah, Sting, Roxanne.

Roxanne, you don't love me. Sorry, Sting.

Oh, I love it.

Do you shine the light on you, or do you just shine it in the room?

In the room, I think. It does. There apparently— now I am not an expert at this, and you guys would have to go listen to him because he's done all this research about it. There is work that could be done with the red light touching your skin and all this other good stuff, but it's almost like apparently the chemicals in your brain, because we're so technologically— and even with the electricity in our house, so the technological advances of how we live our lives, let alone the technology of being connected uh, makes the nighttime and the daytime much more blurred. So before that occurred, it was very clear when your brain was shutting down to go to bed and when your brain was waking up for the next day. And since we don't have that now, we tend to go straight from one to the other without allowing our brain to catch up and our body to catch up, would be how I would summarize that. Hmm, I'm intrigued by the whole thing. I want to learn so much more. He's like one of my new heroes. I listen to his podcast every week we can always learn something new and exciting and go, wow. Oh, that's a cool— look at that. Look what you found, Delilah.

Yeah, I just saw this. No internet after 9 PM rule. Give ourselves time at the end of the busy day. I love it. Jenny, thank you. That's a great idea. I don't know if I could do 9 o'clock, maybe 10. I mean, let's just be honest here.

I think it depends on your bedtime. You're right.

Yeah, it's going to be your bedtime. Yeah, that's a fantastic idea, Jenny.

Thank you.

Yeah. Oh no, I'm looking down through here. My stream is like almost— I'm getting streams from like all sorts of stuff. I don't know.

That's a good thing. It's cool.

That's how it's meant to be.

I got screens from other shows, I don't even know who these people are.

I think there was some kind of glitch because there were all these other things popping up. I'm going, what the heck's going on? So something funky must be going on in Google land. It's usually a sign that they're working on something and they never tell you when they do, it just sort of pops up.

All of mine disappeared so I had to go, I actually am on the event page now because all of my comment tracker basically disappeared. Gotta love that. Well, I think this has been really, really neat, and now you guys have given me a whole bunch of ideas that I can't wait to— I can't wait to start practicing, whether it be, you know, we recently, Monica, did the same thing that you guys did, and we've always eaten at the table, but I started bringing our food— we would serve it at the counter and then come eat together, and I'm starting to bring it to the table so that we can all participate in a different way that way, and it seems to slow down, it seems to slow things down, right? And that's after a crazy busy day, that's kind of what we need. We really need that connection with the rest of our family.

That's beautiful, that's great.

Yeah, we'll make dinner together.

Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah, well, for one, that way it doesn't lay everything out on one person because my husband and I, neither one likes to cook, really. Sorry, Chef, we're just not big on cooking. But, and our kids will get involved, you know, we'll all get in there together and everybody takes one separate thing, like somebody does the entree, somebody does the vegetables, somebody's washing dishes as we're going along, and we get it all done together as a family, and that way it keeps us connected, and then we all sit down at the same time.

Can we ask how old your kids are? If not, that's okay.

Oh, no, that's fine. There's only one who's still at home and she's 17.

Okay.

And then the others, well, I mean a couple others live here but they're grown so we don't know when they're gonna be here or whether or not. But yeah, they're, uh, 22, 23, and 24.

Very cool.

Yeah, so me, my husband, and my youngest daughter will all get in there and we'll all make dinner together.

That's really cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carter's just getting old enough to do that. He turns 3 next week, and so we have a big stool he gets to get up on. He'll watch, or he'll— he loves washing vegetables, so that's his job, is to wash the vegetables.

There was something I was going to ask, and now I don't remember what it was.

I love the idea of putting love in the food. I just love that, putting love in the food. You can taste it when there is love in the food. You really can taste it. It's so interesting. It really tastes different. And it feels more nutritious.

And I think it's what you remember. I mean, everybody remembers those times where the parent or somebody who cared for them, or a husband, where, you know, a good meal really brought you together in some way. You may not even remember what you ate, but that feeling of being together, yeah, I think is so beautiful.

I know what I was gonna ask, um, Dr. Kirschner, at what point do couples usually come to you? I'm curious to see from your end where you get people at.

At what point do they?

At what point in their relationship do they come to you?

Oh, they have come to me virtually at every point. I mean, um, You know, I've been around for a long time. So, you know, I've had couples come, you know, because they're there, they want to do a little premarital counseling, all the way up to, you know, we've been married for 30 years and all those, and everything is dying. And, you know, what the heck do we do? Even to the point where they are actually separated or divorced. And sometimes the weird thing is that it is at that moment of separation, or when there is a divorce hanging over the couple's head, as you know, the opportunity for growth can be at the maximum. And the opportunity for both people to really transform themselves and come together in very odd, surprising ways is there if they have the right if they have the right coach or marital therapist.

Yeah, I usually get people right at the end, you know, when things are really falling apart. But what gets me is usually once they come to me, they've already been— they'll be telling me, well, I was talking to this person and I was talking to that person. Yeah, they're trying to get love advice from like their best friend who's been divorced 7 times. I was reading a blog post this morning, and I'm not going to state names, but she's been on numerous radio shows and everything else giving love and relationship advice, and she's a divorce attorney.

Anybody can write a book about anything. And then you kind of hold yourself out as an expert, and I've seen people write books about love who, you know, can't have a love relationship. They've been divorced 4 times. You know, the reality of it is that for me, I, in general, I think that if you want to learn about something, you go to somebody who has what you want. It's just like in work. If you want to learn about how to get a job, you get a mentor. Mentor who is doing the job that you want. So, you know, if you want advice about a love relationship, you know, you turn to, like you said, you turn to like that couple with the beautiful dishes, you know. You turn to people who have what you want. If you are going to go to a coach, you go to a coach who has what you want. You know what I am saying? So, you know, like you guys have what what everybody wants, right?

Absolutely. Rosie O'Donnell is giving relationship advice now.

Who is giving it?

Rosie O'Donnell.

Wow.

Yeah, and like for me, I've used everything in my own lab. You know, I am crazier and more in love with my husband than I've ever been, and we've been together decades, decades, you know. And to me, that's, you know, you walk your talk or whatever that you talk your walk.

And you have to be in love with yourself and your spouse and your family and who you are, all of that stuff, before you can take that love into your job. And I know that's where I tend to be, is when people are in their work, and a lot of my questions relate back to what's it like not at work, what's it like outside of that place, because Your brilliance only can be as bright as you actually feel that you are, and there's so many other things that contribute to that. So for you to be able to show up, and when you're so close to the trees, right, if you're in the middle of everything all the time, it's really hard to be able to take a step back, which is where I see each and every one of you and the things that you have and that you bring. You're able to go, yeah, I can't— let me take that step back and let me tell you the truth. It might be a good truth, it might feel like a not good truth, but it will be a good truth eventually.

The truth is not always the easiest thing to say or to hear, but eventually, you know, you come to realize that it was the truth and it needed to be said.

So, yeah, straight talk. There's nothing like straight talk. When it needs to be said in a kind way. Straight talk is very important.

I agree.

We have had a great show today, and it's at the hour time. We're going to run through everybody real quick and ask you to leave us with some thoughts, and then we're going to sign off for a good day today. But let's go back to Dr. Diana, and anything you'd like to share with us here before we sign off? Any any last thoughts?

Well, you guys have been wonderful and awesome, and thank you so much for having me. And I want to invite everybody to take a peek at my book, The Diamond Self-Secret, because it all starts with self-love. And, you know, you can't really love anybody until you really love yourself. And I, I, that's where I think we all need to start.

So Great, if you could leave a link for that, for that book in the comments, everyone can go check that out.

Okay.

Thank you.

And Jessica, thank you so much for being on today. Anything you'd like to share as we're parting?

I would say I had a great time today and I learned a lot, and this panel does nothing but sparkle, and I feel brighter just being here with you this morning. So thank you, each and every one of you, for what you've what you've contributed and helped set the rest of my day to be and the rest of my weekend. It's a good way to start the weekend, I think. And my website is Redirection, and I do work with businesses on the storytelling, finding your sparkle, and differentiation on the business side of things.

Sounds good. And Monica, I'm so glad you joined us today, and I hope we're going to be seeing more of you on the Plus.

I think so. This is wonderful. I really enjoyed talking talking with all of you. And I guess my last words are, I hope you all will be blessed with very wonderful, spicy, beautiful meals all the time. And you can check me out at my website, monicabhide.com. That's my whole name, M-O-N-I-C-A-B-H-I-D-E dot com.

Thank you for having me.

You're welcome. Thank you for being here. And of course, Delilah, such a pleasure to finally get to talk to you in person. And share this time with you. And any last words of advice or anything you'd like to share with us?

Yeah, and as soon as I finish that blog post, I will link it on here so all you ladies will know how to orgasm. Wonderful.

Yeah, you know, that is— that's a good thing. I remember Dr. Ruth Ruth used to say that you were responsible for your own orgasm. Of course, Dr. Ruth looked like she probably never had one. Anyway, well, on that, my friends, bid fond farewell to Good Day Google Plus. This has been one of the spicier shows. I have controlled myself a bit. Thank you all for coming, and we hope you have a great weekend. I'll see y'all real soon.

Bye-bye.

Bye.